It's that time of the year again, the time when parents are called to the school to review their child's progress and talk about expectations for the new school year in September.
This year is different for me. Regardless of what the staff thinks of me, my boy's done good this year, thanks to a wonderful teacher who actually cares about him and his education. It wasn't always this way.
At one time (until last year, from grade one until grade three), education had become an "us" (parents) versus "them" (teachers, guidance cousnellors and principals). How did this happen? Why did this happen? Did we not have the same goal here, that is to teach my son how to become a productive member of society? And how is a parent supposed to feel comfortable during meetings when it feels like the school staff are the probation officers and you and your child are petty criminals? How do both parties come up with an amicable resolution to your child's education when there's this underlying perception that it is you, the parent, that are the cause of your child's behaviour?
Having had a break from feeling like a criminal this past year, as well as having the chance to meet some really wonderful EA's this past year, I now wonder how teachers feel... Teachers and educational assistants who are percieved by the parents to be the cause of the child's behavioral issues? Our pride rears its ugly head and denies, denies and denies that our child could possibly be what they describe. My most famous comment to teachers is "wow, are you sure you're describing my babe? I mean, he sure doesn't behave like that at home..."
It seems in the chaos we all forget that the child is a person of his own. Yes, the child learns things by observing parental behavior, but he/she also learns from teacher behavior as well as their classmates from school. I think that at this point in Dayton's life, he is more likely to learn most of his behviours from he classmates then us adults. It's no longer cool to look up to us old folk.
So, to recap the year for Dayton: He's made some great progress, especially when it comes to controlling his impulses to strike out at people who 'annoy' him. Dayton's been using his words much more affectively rather than his fists. Thank heavens!!!
The meeting was friendly, with no digs towards my parenting, which was awesome! All of us were smiling and focused on Dayton's strengths. While Dayton didn't meet all of his goals on his Individual Education Plan (IEP), we didn't get all gloomy about it.
The only part that made me sad and apprehensive is Dayton's grade level... While he will be heading into grade five next September, my babe is intellectually sitting at a grade one level... Make that beginning grade one level. While I've always worried about my son, I'm terrified now. What does this mean for his future? Was I wrong? Was I in denial believing my son will be a contributing member of society? I'm scared.
As my dad Paul always says, consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Showing posts with label teachers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teachers. Show all posts
Monday, 18 June 2012
Sunday, 1 January 2012
And A Happy New Year To All (iPod, iPad info too)
The Christmas holidays have come and gone, and so has my money. Yes, I am officially b.r.o.k.e... Thank goodness Santa got me a new job to pay off the holiday bills!
The boys have torn down my Christmas tree (that is the cat, Dayton and Glen), then packed up the decorations while I tried to get better. I'm either suffering from allergies or a cold and it's driving me to become a nasal spray junkie. Coming off the stuff is just not pretty...
For Christmas night, we enjoyed a family dinner at Glen's uncle's Eddie's home... Supper was AMAZING, as auntie Linda is a fantastic cook! I nearly fell asleep on their sofa with my head in Dayton's lap while he played Angry Birds on his iPod touch with his cousin Diamond. After about three hours, we ended up back at home and watched movies. I love movies!
New Year's eve was spent at home watching movies and of course HOCKEY! Canada won against the US, and then the Canucks disapointed me yet again by losing to LA 1-4. Booooo Canucks.
Reading the Autism Winnipeg Facebook Page, I saw someone post a question about iPod touch apps for autism, and those of us with kids on the spectrum are pretty much all over iPod and iPad apps as most of us with kids on the autism spectrum have been sold on Apple's innovations.
The link below is not just for parents of kids on the autism spectrum, but for Educational Assistants, teachers and kids with ADD, ADHD or any other kind of cognitive delays.
Hope you find this as informative as I have.
Love this spread sheet!!! https://spreadsheets.google.com/pub?key=0AjbIta8OTS0KdHRMVWx0Q3pvOWRXRXBfd01jc3lqakE&hl=en&single=true&gid=0&output=html
one more link: http://www.autismclassroom.com/lessons/apps-section-added-to-autism-lesson-plans-book/
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!
Lou
The boys have torn down my Christmas tree (that is the cat, Dayton and Glen), then packed up the decorations while I tried to get better. I'm either suffering from allergies or a cold and it's driving me to become a nasal spray junkie. Coming off the stuff is just not pretty...
For Christmas night, we enjoyed a family dinner at Glen's uncle's Eddie's home... Supper was AMAZING, as auntie Linda is a fantastic cook! I nearly fell asleep on their sofa with my head in Dayton's lap while he played Angry Birds on his iPod touch with his cousin Diamond. After about three hours, we ended up back at home and watched movies. I love movies!
New Year's eve was spent at home watching movies and of course HOCKEY! Canada won against the US, and then the Canucks disapointed me yet again by losing to LA 1-4. Booooo Canucks.
Reading the Autism Winnipeg Facebook Page, I saw someone post a question about iPod touch apps for autism, and those of us with kids on the spectrum are pretty much all over iPod and iPad apps as most of us with kids on the autism spectrum have been sold on Apple's innovations.
The link below is not just for parents of kids on the autism spectrum, but for Educational Assistants, teachers and kids with ADD, ADHD or any other kind of cognitive delays.
Hope you find this as informative as I have.
Love this spread sheet!!! https://spreadsheets.google.com/pub?key=0AjbIta8OTS0KdHRMVWx0Q3pvOWRXRXBfd01jc3lqakE&hl=en&single=true&gid=0&output=html
one more link: http://www.autismclassroom.com/lessons/apps-section-added-to-autism-lesson-plans-book/
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!
Lou
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
Autism De'Light
Certain things worry me about Dayton, visible things...
The older he gets, the more I believe in his diagnosis; it's as though he's grown into it.
The way he fidgets because his underwear "pinches, but they're not too small or too big mamma." The way he slouches his shoulders no matter how much I'm after him to sit up straight and "pull your shoulders back!" The way his body is always itchy and he feels compelled to scratch like crazy at times, especially when cuddling with me on the sofa. The way he doesn't process temperature (in the summer at 35 C's he's wearing a long sleeved shirt hoodie and jeans, in the winter at -35 C's he's wearing his winter coat unzipped). The way he chews the skin off the end of his fingers (and it doesn't hurt him to do this), the way he stares off into space as though pausing a movie then pressing play as he continues from where he left off... the way he writes, talks, acts around others...
If you sat down with my babe for half an hour, you'd say I was nuts. "There's nothing wrong with him," is something I hear often... But spend a week with him, and you'd notice these little things too. And these little things all add up, don't they?
I woke up to the radio last week to hear a Charles Adler show in session about autism and how the 'high end of the spectrum' is being over diagnosed all the time.
Let's put this into perspective most of us can understand...
How many of us have struggled or been concerned about adding an extra few pounds? How many of us have been ten or twenty or thirty or forty or fifty lbs over weight or more? News flash: The pain of being a little over weight is painful, just as being very over weight is. Pain is pain. As a parent, am I grateful that Dayton fits on the higher end of the autism spectrum? Absolutely, but in some ways, I can't help but think if he fit on the lower end of the spectrum, people would make accommodations for him that they don't now, nor will they in the future. Dayton is and will be viewed as a little 'odd.' And that hurts. A lot.
I've heard the term 'autism light' many times; you'd think I'd be immune to it, but it still makes me cringe when someone refers to PDD-NOS as autism light. It's far from light. It hasn't been light on Dayton. It's been hard, very hard.
I am very fortunate to finally have a teacher that understands my babe and cares about him and his education. We have faced others who really couldn't have cared less. Even worse, I swear they even looked for an excuse to get him suspended so they wouldn't have to deal with him. Knowing that a teacher does not care for your child is difficult, and I am so blessed to not have to deal with that this year. I've been praying for four years to have a teacher like the one Dayton has now. Four long years... I thank the Lord for her every morning, EVERY MORNING.
Had Dayton been diagnosed with classic autism, I bet the previous four teachers would have made allowances for his behaviour and cognitive delays, but alas they did not. Instead of wording their questions in a way where Dayton didn't take them 'literally,' they engaged in full out war with him and had a power struggle with a cognitively delayed child, constantly forgetting that even though Dayton may chronologically be seven, eight or nine years old, he was actually mentally comprehending of that of a five, six or seven year old little boy. This resulted in extreme physical altercations between my child and the school staff, where one time it took four teachers to hold my then fifty pound child to the floor.
So for those parents who think my child has 'autism light,' I ask that you take a moment, bite your tongue and acknowledge the fact that my pain is just as real as yours. My struggles are just as real as yours and my concerns, worries and panic attacks in the middle of the night are also just as real as yours. My tears are wet too, just like yours.
As dad Paul always reminds me at the end of a phone call, consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
The older he gets, the more I believe in his diagnosis; it's as though he's grown into it.
The way he fidgets because his underwear "pinches, but they're not too small or too big mamma." The way he slouches his shoulders no matter how much I'm after him to sit up straight and "pull your shoulders back!" The way his body is always itchy and he feels compelled to scratch like crazy at times, especially when cuddling with me on the sofa. The way he doesn't process temperature (in the summer at 35 C's he's wearing a long sleeved shirt hoodie and jeans, in the winter at -35 C's he's wearing his winter coat unzipped). The way he chews the skin off the end of his fingers (and it doesn't hurt him to do this), the way he stares off into space as though pausing a movie then pressing play as he continues from where he left off... the way he writes, talks, acts around others...
If you sat down with my babe for half an hour, you'd say I was nuts. "There's nothing wrong with him," is something I hear often... But spend a week with him, and you'd notice these little things too. And these little things all add up, don't they?
I woke up to the radio last week to hear a Charles Adler show in session about autism and how the 'high end of the spectrum' is being over diagnosed all the time.
Let's put this into perspective most of us can understand...
How many of us have struggled or been concerned about adding an extra few pounds? How many of us have been ten or twenty or thirty or forty or fifty lbs over weight or more? News flash: The pain of being a little over weight is painful, just as being very over weight is. Pain is pain. As a parent, am I grateful that Dayton fits on the higher end of the autism spectrum? Absolutely, but in some ways, I can't help but think if he fit on the lower end of the spectrum, people would make accommodations for him that they don't now, nor will they in the future. Dayton is and will be viewed as a little 'odd.' And that hurts. A lot.
I've heard the term 'autism light' many times; you'd think I'd be immune to it, but it still makes me cringe when someone refers to PDD-NOS as autism light. It's far from light. It hasn't been light on Dayton. It's been hard, very hard.
I am very fortunate to finally have a teacher that understands my babe and cares about him and his education. We have faced others who really couldn't have cared less. Even worse, I swear they even looked for an excuse to get him suspended so they wouldn't have to deal with him. Knowing that a teacher does not care for your child is difficult, and I am so blessed to not have to deal with that this year. I've been praying for four years to have a teacher like the one Dayton has now. Four long years... I thank the Lord for her every morning, EVERY MORNING.
Had Dayton been diagnosed with classic autism, I bet the previous four teachers would have made allowances for his behaviour and cognitive delays, but alas they did not. Instead of wording their questions in a way where Dayton didn't take them 'literally,' they engaged in full out war with him and had a power struggle with a cognitively delayed child, constantly forgetting that even though Dayton may chronologically be seven, eight or nine years old, he was actually mentally comprehending of that of a five, six or seven year old little boy. This resulted in extreme physical altercations between my child and the school staff, where one time it took four teachers to hold my then fifty pound child to the floor.
So for those parents who think my child has 'autism light,' I ask that you take a moment, bite your tongue and acknowledge the fact that my pain is just as real as yours. My struggles are just as real as yours and my concerns, worries and panic attacks in the middle of the night are also just as real as yours. My tears are wet too, just like yours.
As dad Paul always reminds me at the end of a phone call, consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Monday, 21 November 2011
Has Special Needs Inclusion Gone Too Far?
To integrate or not to integrate... A question rarely posed to a parent of a child with special needs. I certainly don't have an option, thanks to our fantastic government. You would think that as a parent with a child on the autism spectrum, I should have a choice at least in the matter, but no. No body gives a crap about what a parent NEEDS for their child.
I'm not sitting here talking about what I WANT for my son. I'm talking about what I NEED for my baby, actually, what Dayton NEEDS for himself, not what I need or want.
I am very fortunate that Dayton has a teacher this year that 'gets' him. But it wasn't always so... And all it takes is one bad teacher for the house of cards to fall... I've had two years of literal hell, feeling as though I was going to lose my mind, powerless to help my son in school, powerless to help the teacher or his educational assistant. Feelings of absolute rage when the school principal decided to call the police on my then seven year old, fifty pound boy, the guidance counsellor calling CFS twice, and the shame and ridicule that I felt came along with those decisions. I know I'm not alone in this. I've met with other parents of children on the autism spectrum who have been mortified and gone through the very same issues as myself.
Is it really fair of the government to expect the school to know how to integrate our kids with special needs? I'm not just talking autism here, but any disability. I don't mean to sound rude or disrespectful, but I think there is a different expectation in regards to integrating a child not able to walk compared to a child with a cognitive disability.
Is it fair to expect all teachers be able to teach braille to a blind child? What about sign language to a child that can not speak? Do all teachers posses these skills?
How about cerebral palsy, spina bifida, epilepsy, down syndrome, mental retardation, ADD, ADHD, speech and language impairments, traumatic brain injury, pervasive developmental disorder, autistic disorder, learning disabilities, etc... Are teachers supposed to know about every single disorder? Are educational assistants? Are principals, guidance counsellors or resource teachers? Who exactly in our schools is supposed to know every single childhood disability in order to teach the rest of the school when it comes time to integrate a student with an individual disability?
Trust me, segregation is far from what I WANT for my child, but I do want the best education I can get my hands on for him, which begins with a knowledgeable teacher. This is not meant to insult any of the teachers out there, please understand this. I mean no disrespect. Society NEEDS my child to become a contributing member of society, not a burden. I have very high hopes that my son will be contributing to his generation. But there are others out there who may not be so fortunate to have a positive outlook on their child's future.
Does a fifteen year old girl with the cognitive skills of first grader truly belong in a grade ten classroom? Is it really fair to this girl to have to sit through seven hours of social studies, math, English, and metal work when she can not read or write? Who's interest are we really focusing on here, the student's human rights or her parents' warm fuzzy feelings of having their daughter in class with her peers? Does society really think this girl is happy with her social promotion? And how about the teacher? Do we really expect her or him not to lose their "cool?" In a class of thirty students, chances are this teacher is already making twenty different class lesson plans... As a former instructor myself, just having to create and re-create the one lesson plan was like getting a freaking root canal. I can't imagine having to do twenty...
My son Dayton is in grade four. He is finally beginning to learn how to read and write. I wanted him to repeat grade three last year, but the principal refused, probably because she really had no choice, did she? As much as parents get upset with their school teachers, principals and school divisions, at the core of this problem lies the government. They make the law, and they're the ones that are not giving the teacher, principal, school division or the parent for that matter, the choice to do what is best for our children. In the mean time, the government hides behind the schools. As a parent, I don't get to talk to our premier Greg Selinger, do I? Noooooo... I get to throw my temper tantrums at the school staff and school division, right? They're the only ones I get to speak to. Trust me, I know first hand.
It all boils down to social promotion... It does not seem to matter to our government that our kids are not learning. All that matters is that no child is left behind. You know, that warm, fuzzy, lovin' feeling. All the funding in the world is not going to help our kids if the government doesn't put some help in place for our educators to have at their finger tips, does it? It's like going out and buying a low fat cookbook, but unless I use it, I won't be losing weight, will I? That reminds me... Gotta go through the cookbook and make out some menu plans and go grocery shopping... When is government going to wake up and smell the coffee here? I'm all for inclusion, but lets be realistic here with what we're dealing with people, shall we?
Social promotion. Education. Society NEEDS education. The days of do your work, learn in class, do your homework and pass your tests are gone. In place we have social promotion, to spare our children's feelings? I'll tell you what will raise our kid's self esteem... EDUCATION. My son is proud of himself for passing his spelling test today. He got six out of six words right. Yeah, that's right. My baby rocked his spelling test. But last year... last year my boy had low self esteem, fits of rage where he questioned me why bother going to school, he was too stupid anyway (his words, not mine). Last year's teacher wasn't the calibre of teacher Dayton has today. Perhaps I'm a little too harsh, I wasn't really there to observe. But I can tell you that this year, Dayton understands his teacher. Last year he didn't. Could last year's teacher been overwhelmed with too many lesson plans to keep up with, and this year's teacher doesn't have nearly as many lesson plans to create? Is this year's teacher's assistant more on the ball, more experienced with autism? Or has Dayton somehow found that magical button of compliance? There are so many things that could be different, or a combination of things that just fit into that mysterious, multi-coloured puzzle.
Our kids may have challenges, they may have a disability, but they're far from stupid. They know when they're truly included in their education and when they're being patronized or simply tolerated. So perhaps it's a combination of blame, the government and the teacher. I think mostly the government though. I like to blame it all on 'the man.'
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
I'm not sitting here talking about what I WANT for my son. I'm talking about what I NEED for my baby, actually, what Dayton NEEDS for himself, not what I need or want.
I am very fortunate that Dayton has a teacher this year that 'gets' him. But it wasn't always so... And all it takes is one bad teacher for the house of cards to fall... I've had two years of literal hell, feeling as though I was going to lose my mind, powerless to help my son in school, powerless to help the teacher or his educational assistant. Feelings of absolute rage when the school principal decided to call the police on my then seven year old, fifty pound boy, the guidance counsellor calling CFS twice, and the shame and ridicule that I felt came along with those decisions. I know I'm not alone in this. I've met with other parents of children on the autism spectrum who have been mortified and gone through the very same issues as myself.
Is it really fair of the government to expect the school to know how to integrate our kids with special needs? I'm not just talking autism here, but any disability. I don't mean to sound rude or disrespectful, but I think there is a different expectation in regards to integrating a child not able to walk compared to a child with a cognitive disability.
Is it fair to expect all teachers be able to teach braille to a blind child? What about sign language to a child that can not speak? Do all teachers posses these skills?
How about cerebral palsy, spina bifida, epilepsy, down syndrome, mental retardation, ADD, ADHD, speech and language impairments, traumatic brain injury, pervasive developmental disorder, autistic disorder, learning disabilities, etc... Are teachers supposed to know about every single disorder? Are educational assistants? Are principals, guidance counsellors or resource teachers? Who exactly in our schools is supposed to know every single childhood disability in order to teach the rest of the school when it comes time to integrate a student with an individual disability?
Trust me, segregation is far from what I WANT for my child, but I do want the best education I can get my hands on for him, which begins with a knowledgeable teacher. This is not meant to insult any of the teachers out there, please understand this. I mean no disrespect. Society NEEDS my child to become a contributing member of society, not a burden. I have very high hopes that my son will be contributing to his generation. But there are others out there who may not be so fortunate to have a positive outlook on their child's future.
Does a fifteen year old girl with the cognitive skills of first grader truly belong in a grade ten classroom? Is it really fair to this girl to have to sit through seven hours of social studies, math, English, and metal work when she can not read or write? Who's interest are we really focusing on here, the student's human rights or her parents' warm fuzzy feelings of having their daughter in class with her peers? Does society really think this girl is happy with her social promotion? And how about the teacher? Do we really expect her or him not to lose their "cool?" In a class of thirty students, chances are this teacher is already making twenty different class lesson plans... As a former instructor myself, just having to create and re-create the one lesson plan was like getting a freaking root canal. I can't imagine having to do twenty...
My son Dayton is in grade four. He is finally beginning to learn how to read and write. I wanted him to repeat grade three last year, but the principal refused, probably because she really had no choice, did she? As much as parents get upset with their school teachers, principals and school divisions, at the core of this problem lies the government. They make the law, and they're the ones that are not giving the teacher, principal, school division or the parent for that matter, the choice to do what is best for our children. In the mean time, the government hides behind the schools. As a parent, I don't get to talk to our premier Greg Selinger, do I? Noooooo... I get to throw my temper tantrums at the school staff and school division, right? They're the only ones I get to speak to. Trust me, I know first hand.
 |
| Me, freaking out on speaker phone with the Premier's office for transferring me yet again to Manitoba Education who is absolutely useless... Take charge Mr. Premier! Answer your phone! |
Social promotion. Education. Society NEEDS education. The days of do your work, learn in class, do your homework and pass your tests are gone. In place we have social promotion, to spare our children's feelings? I'll tell you what will raise our kid's self esteem... EDUCATION. My son is proud of himself for passing his spelling test today. He got six out of six words right. Yeah, that's right. My baby rocked his spelling test. But last year... last year my boy had low self esteem, fits of rage where he questioned me why bother going to school, he was too stupid anyway (his words, not mine). Last year's teacher wasn't the calibre of teacher Dayton has today. Perhaps I'm a little too harsh, I wasn't really there to observe. But I can tell you that this year, Dayton understands his teacher. Last year he didn't. Could last year's teacher been overwhelmed with too many lesson plans to keep up with, and this year's teacher doesn't have nearly as many lesson plans to create? Is this year's teacher's assistant more on the ball, more experienced with autism? Or has Dayton somehow found that magical button of compliance? There are so many things that could be different, or a combination of things that just fit into that mysterious, multi-coloured puzzle.
Our kids may have challenges, they may have a disability, but they're far from stupid. They know when they're truly included in their education and when they're being patronized or simply tolerated. So perhaps it's a combination of blame, the government and the teacher. I think mostly the government though. I like to blame it all on 'the man.'
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
Organization In Education Is Crucial
I know Dayton's been in school for only three days, but WOW!!! I sure pray I'm not jinxing myself in announcing this, but I am sooooo pleased with Dayton's teacher, aid and principal right now. Dayton just came home and showed me all his "check marks" he earned at school, and I am so proud of my little guy, I'm practically GUSHING!!! It must have taken Dayton's teacher quite some time to make up this check mark system, and his aid and teacher time again to fill it out. And the sense of accomplishment Dayton feels right at this very moment shines right through him. I haven't seen him so happy to be in school EVER. I have never been this impressed before either!!!
Again, I'm terrified that I'm jinxing myself, but I am so very, very pleased. I pray this continues throughout this school year, and worry that Dayton's educators may not have the stamina to keep this up through the whole year, but for now I choose to relish in Dayton's success and celebrate with him. I feel fortunate that Dayton has a teacher and an aid who obviously recognize that being organized is key in education, and that children on the autism spectrum must see immediate and positive results before being able to comply with what we as adults wish for them to achieve.
Anyways, back to celebrating! I just had to take a few minutes to share with everyone! I'm so happy!!! And most importantly, Dayton is happy. The old saying "If mamma ain't happy, ain't no body happy" is not true in my home. Here the motto goes "If Dayton ain't happy, ain't no body happy" is the very much the case. And Dayton is HAPPY!!! Hoooray!!!
If Dayton's teacher, aid and principal are reading this, THANK YOU!!! You've made our home a happy home tonight!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Again, I'm terrified that I'm jinxing myself, but I am so very, very pleased. I pray this continues throughout this school year, and worry that Dayton's educators may not have the stamina to keep this up through the whole year, but for now I choose to relish in Dayton's success and celebrate with him. I feel fortunate that Dayton has a teacher and an aid who obviously recognize that being organized is key in education, and that children on the autism spectrum must see immediate and positive results before being able to comply with what we as adults wish for them to achieve.
Anyways, back to celebrating! I just had to take a few minutes to share with everyone! I'm so happy!!! And most importantly, Dayton is happy. The old saying "If mamma ain't happy, ain't no body happy" is not true in my home. Here the motto goes "If Dayton ain't happy, ain't no body happy" is the very much the case. And Dayton is HAPPY!!! Hoooray!!!
If Dayton's teacher, aid and principal are reading this, THANK YOU!!! You've made our home a happy home tonight!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Wednesday, 3 August 2011
I Am A Teacher Help Me God???
No joke. These are the words someone used in the google search engine and was ushered to Autism Diva Help. "I am a teacher help me God." Seriously?!
Who ever this teacher is, I pray you read this post... While I do not wish to short staff any school division, YOU ARE CLEARLY IN THE WRONG PROFESSION. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.00...
Reading this sentence brought to mind Michael Zwaagstra book titled What's wrong with Our Schools: and How We Can Fix Them, where Mr. Zwaagstra talks about edu babble and how tomorrow's teachers are being taught how to teach, or dare I say how not to teach, but babble.
Until reading this book, I always looked at my own and Dayton's perspective of how unfair and discriminatory our education system has become, a game of politics so to speak. I never really appreciated a teacher's point of view, and how helpless they must feel in their careers. Their hands seem to be tied behind their back, even if they want to help my babe, they can't. It really seems just as unfair to the teacher as it is to our children. Perhaps the teacher that searched for I am a teacher help me God is a newly graduated teacher, who has been taught today's edu babble.
I really feel horrible for today's teacher. I say this with utmost respect, not in my usual nasal, sarcastic way. As an educator myself, teaching the Pharmacy Technician Program at a local college for the past three years, I've struggled teaching students with English as a second language. Reading their test answers sometimes took three times longer than than it did for me to read an English student's paper. It was frustrating for me as well as the student. To make things easier for all of us, I would allow students sometimes to answer their questions verbally, or allow them to draw their answer out. I wanted my students to feel successful, and know for themselves that they knew their material. I had one curriculum to follow, and one lesson plan for all students equally. If students needed extra help, my door was open for an hour after class. Yes, while I worked for an hour a day for free, it was more important that I produced students of sound knowledge than get paid for five hours a week. Make no mistake, this was not making me a martyr... After all, I am a selfish woman. I wanted to ensure when the time came that I looked for work at a pharmacy, I would not be laughed out of a job due to poor production of my former students...
This is not what's happening in our school system for our children. If your child falls behind, whether or not they have a label, once 3:15pm comes around, your child is no longer the teacher's responsibility. The teacher can not fail your child, and they continue to move on to the next grade level. The elementary teacher no longer teaches a curriculum, they teach each child individually. So, instead of having one curriculum and lesson plan, they have numerous lesson plans. You have got to be one seriously organized individual who's feathers don't ruffle easily to teach in schools today. I'm not one to admit my own weaknesses, but I don't think I have what it takes to teach in an elementary school.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Who ever this teacher is, I pray you read this post... While I do not wish to short staff any school division, YOU ARE CLEARLY IN THE WRONG PROFESSION. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.00...
Reading this sentence brought to mind Michael Zwaagstra book titled What's wrong with Our Schools: and How We Can Fix Them, where Mr. Zwaagstra talks about edu babble and how tomorrow's teachers are being taught how to teach, or dare I say how not to teach, but babble.
Until reading this book, I always looked at my own and Dayton's perspective of how unfair and discriminatory our education system has become, a game of politics so to speak. I never really appreciated a teacher's point of view, and how helpless they must feel in their careers. Their hands seem to be tied behind their back, even if they want to help my babe, they can't. It really seems just as unfair to the teacher as it is to our children. Perhaps the teacher that searched for I am a teacher help me God is a newly graduated teacher, who has been taught today's edu babble.
I really feel horrible for today's teacher. I say this with utmost respect, not in my usual nasal, sarcastic way. As an educator myself, teaching the Pharmacy Technician Program at a local college for the past three years, I've struggled teaching students with English as a second language. Reading their test answers sometimes took three times longer than than it did for me to read an English student's paper. It was frustrating for me as well as the student. To make things easier for all of us, I would allow students sometimes to answer their questions verbally, or allow them to draw their answer out. I wanted my students to feel successful, and know for themselves that they knew their material. I had one curriculum to follow, and one lesson plan for all students equally. If students needed extra help, my door was open for an hour after class. Yes, while I worked for an hour a day for free, it was more important that I produced students of sound knowledge than get paid for five hours a week. Make no mistake, this was not making me a martyr... After all, I am a selfish woman. I wanted to ensure when the time came that I looked for work at a pharmacy, I would not be laughed out of a job due to poor production of my former students...
This is not what's happening in our school system for our children. If your child falls behind, whether or not they have a label, once 3:15pm comes around, your child is no longer the teacher's responsibility. The teacher can not fail your child, and they continue to move on to the next grade level. The elementary teacher no longer teaches a curriculum, they teach each child individually. So, instead of having one curriculum and lesson plan, they have numerous lesson plans. You have got to be one seriously organized individual who's feathers don't ruffle easily to teach in schools today. I'm not one to admit my own weaknesses, but I don't think I have what it takes to teach in an elementary school.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Wednesday, 29 June 2011
Structure, Structure, And Structure Some More
As I've said on my previous post, I have decided to keep Dayton home for the rest of the school year (don't be saying "oh my God!" We're pretty much at the end of the school year, it's really not that big of a deal.) I've decided to keep Dayton home because of the lack of structure at the end of the school year all schools go through, not just the school Dayton attends.
The last two weeks of school are usually the toughest for kids on the autism spectrum. Well meaning teachers, principals and school divisions look at the last week or two of the school year as a time for celebrating the end of the year by treating the kids to a break so to speak. Lots of free play time, movie time, entertainment, etc... Everyone in the building, adults and children alike, are excited about the coming of summer break, and focus is not high on the priority list. Unfortunately, for children on the autism spectrum, or kids with ADHD, ADD, ODD, OCD, etc.., this time of excitement is even more crucial for them to have their aid persistently present, their day structured ever more diligently, and their teachers on the ball at all times as they can sense everyone's excitement. Like other children, they too want to celebrate, the problem is that when their routine get broken, they may not know what to do with themselves. Dayton does not read social cues well, and his speech is delayed. Communicating his 'feelings' is a struggle for him. When he can't communicate what it is that he wants, doesn't recognize social cues or facial expressions, it's as though his primal brain takes over and he can not control his impulses. Having structure in Dayton's day is crucial.
Ever hear of the saying: "Too much good can be a bad thing?" Very much true in Dayton's case. While he enjoys free play as much as any other kid, the free play itself needs to be structured and designed in a way he can handle. I can't just take this little guy out to the park and set him loose. That would be sheer heaven! When he plays outside, I must schedule things with him and have his input.
"So we're going to go to the swings first, right momma?"
"Yes babe, always the swings first. What would you like to do next?"
"Down the slide."
"OK, we'll use the slide after the swings, sounds good buddy. And then what would you like to do?"
"Feed the birds."
"OK, so we're gonna hit the swings, hit the slide, then go see the birds. What's after that?"
"Mamma, we don't hit the swings, we swing on them, and we don't hit the slide, we slide down them. And I don't want to see the birds, I want to FEED the birds!!!"
Damn it! I used an euphemism. Well done mom. "I'm sorry Dayton, you're right." I just don't have the heart to try to teach him another euphemism today as he gets so frustrated when trying to make it make sense for himself. A lesson for another day.
Free play at our home's playground with his buddies needs to be supervised and structured. I love the bayblades! There are rules to follow, spinning objects, and a way to behave during the game (Pull the cord, wait and watch. No hands allowed to stop the spinning tops, and most kids with autism love spinning objects).
Another game with rules that Dayton loves is croquet. This is a game that I can play with him and his friends, the more the merrier and his friends and foes love it when I break out the croquet (which Dayton is not able to pronounce correctly... He calls it cocaine. I just pray he doesn't go to school and tell them all he played cocaine with his mamma). Croquet is so much fun! Huge hammers with big balls and a track to conquer. We also enjoy a good game of bean bag toss (haven't got a clue what it's really called, it's the game with two wooden planks with three holes in it, each team throws the bean bags into the holes to score and win the game). Bocci Ball is another favorite of mine, not so much of Dayton's, but he will play it. Again, rules to follow this game too. Pick a color of ball you want to represent you, then try to throw your balls to the little white ball. Closest to the white ball or the one who hits the white ball wins!
Not only are these games fun, but Dayton is now forced to interact with other children, giving him more opportunity to practice his social skills. He must wait his turn, and when playing the bean bag toss, Dayton has to play as part of a 'team.' Huge benefits for both of us! Games with structure and rules provide Dayton with the opportunity to have a little fun and knowing the rules and expectations of the game keeps him nice and calm. Until, that is, someone breaks the rules... Which is why big mamma is always present, at arm's (or croquet hammer, I'm no dummy) length or less away.
Consider yourselves hugged!!!
Lou
The last two weeks of school are usually the toughest for kids on the autism spectrum. Well meaning teachers, principals and school divisions look at the last week or two of the school year as a time for celebrating the end of the year by treating the kids to a break so to speak. Lots of free play time, movie time, entertainment, etc... Everyone in the building, adults and children alike, are excited about the coming of summer break, and focus is not high on the priority list. Unfortunately, for children on the autism spectrum, or kids with ADHD, ADD, ODD, OCD, etc.., this time of excitement is even more crucial for them to have their aid persistently present, their day structured ever more diligently, and their teachers on the ball at all times as they can sense everyone's excitement. Like other children, they too want to celebrate, the problem is that when their routine get broken, they may not know what to do with themselves. Dayton does not read social cues well, and his speech is delayed. Communicating his 'feelings' is a struggle for him. When he can't communicate what it is that he wants, doesn't recognize social cues or facial expressions, it's as though his primal brain takes over and he can not control his impulses. Having structure in Dayton's day is crucial.
Ever hear of the saying: "Too much good can be a bad thing?" Very much true in Dayton's case. While he enjoys free play as much as any other kid, the free play itself needs to be structured and designed in a way he can handle. I can't just take this little guy out to the park and set him loose. That would be sheer heaven! When he plays outside, I must schedule things with him and have his input.
"So we're going to go to the swings first, right momma?"
"Yes babe, always the swings first. What would you like to do next?"
"Down the slide."
"OK, we'll use the slide after the swings, sounds good buddy. And then what would you like to do?"
"Feed the birds."
"OK, so we're gonna hit the swings, hit the slide, then go see the birds. What's after that?"
"Mamma, we don't hit the swings, we swing on them, and we don't hit the slide, we slide down them. And I don't want to see the birds, I want to FEED the birds!!!"
Damn it! I used an euphemism. Well done mom. "I'm sorry Dayton, you're right." I just don't have the heart to try to teach him another euphemism today as he gets so frustrated when trying to make it make sense for himself. A lesson for another day.
Free play at our home's playground with his buddies needs to be supervised and structured. I love the bayblades! There are rules to follow, spinning objects, and a way to behave during the game (Pull the cord, wait and watch. No hands allowed to stop the spinning tops, and most kids with autism love spinning objects).
Another game with rules that Dayton loves is croquet. This is a game that I can play with him and his friends, the more the merrier and his friends and foes love it when I break out the croquet (which Dayton is not able to pronounce correctly... He calls it cocaine. I just pray he doesn't go to school and tell them all he played cocaine with his mamma). Croquet is so much fun! Huge hammers with big balls and a track to conquer. We also enjoy a good game of bean bag toss (haven't got a clue what it's really called, it's the game with two wooden planks with three holes in it, each team throws the bean bags into the holes to score and win the game). Bocci Ball is another favorite of mine, not so much of Dayton's, but he will play it. Again, rules to follow this game too. Pick a color of ball you want to represent you, then try to throw your balls to the little white ball. Closest to the white ball or the one who hits the white ball wins!
Not only are these games fun, but Dayton is now forced to interact with other children, giving him more opportunity to practice his social skills. He must wait his turn, and when playing the bean bag toss, Dayton has to play as part of a 'team.' Huge benefits for both of us! Games with structure and rules provide Dayton with the opportunity to have a little fun and knowing the rules and expectations of the game keeps him nice and calm. Until, that is, someone breaks the rules... Which is why big mamma is always present, at arm's (or croquet hammer, I'm no dummy) length or less away.
Consider yourselves hugged!!!
Lou
Friday, 24 June 2011
Enough Is Enough
Enough. I've just had enough. It's easier to build a wall, dig a moat and add alligators and a running stream then it is for the school to care for my child. As much as I'm going to miss my afternoon naps, my health is declining and I just can't handle anymore. I've decided to pull Dayton out of school for the rest of the year and keep him safe and happy.
Perhaps I'm taking the easy way out, but it is only one week of school he's missing, and I think it's the best I can do for my son. The school obviously has no structure as the end of the school year is fast approaching, and my little man needs structure. Without structure, Dayton doesn't know what to do with himself. His assistant has one speed - slow, and Dayton views him as a buddy rather than as an authority figure. Dayton's aid is super kind and gentle with Dayton, wonderful qualities you very rarely see in a man. The problem is he has no control over my son. Dayton is fully in control and in charge of their every move. He's able to take lunch items from other students, the teacher's desk, the resource teacher's desk, the office staff, etc... I've replaced them all, and now, due to yesterday's incident (see post titled Ugh!!! For The Love Of God!!!), I've decided I just can't trust the staff to keep an eye on my babe.
I again received a phone call from the principal, this time giving me the option to either pay the teacher's $200.00 autopac deductible, or pay $50.00 for her friend to fix the dent Dayton accidentally bestowed on her brand new vehicle. So here I'm thinking "I can not afford your kind of care. What will Dayton do next that his aid can not put a stop to?" I just simply can not take the chance of being held responsible for something I can not afford to replace. Furthermore, I'm not allowed to be at the school every day to ensure Dayton doesn't destroy something, accidentally or intentionally. So if I'm not there to take care of him, and his aid is not there to ensure everyone's safety, WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CHILD and his behavior? I'm confused about being confused about confusing things that confuse me!
It's not just that this is costing me money. It's been the last month of non stop phone calls and notes sent home, telling me Dayton took another child's pop, chocolate bar, the teacher's apple, another child's juice box... Here's my last response to the school of the last note I got from the teacher, asking me to replace things Dayton took from others:
Lou
So you see, I've already given the school the option of pulling Dayton out of school, or coming to the school myself. The Principal's reply to me was that she understood my concern and that she would take care of the issue. I was not to worry about it. So this last incident with Dayton accidentally damaging a vehicle, shows me that the aid is slower than a herd of turtles strolling through molasses. That's not the Principal's fault. Yet I am still held accountable as Dayton's momma.
Let's hope this is the last email communication I have with the school:
Hi M,
I've had some time to think and talk about this incident with Dayton after your call to me this afternoon. Dayton has told me that he was not allowed to join his classmates today and had to spend the whole day in the office as a result of what you had told me was an "accident," and you and Mr. J felt that Dayton did not intentionally throw the yo-yo at Mrs. J's car. Dayton agrees with your impression of the incident. Furthermore, Mrs. J approached Dayton in the hallway and told him what he did yesterday wasn't very nice. Dayton tried to explain to her that he didn't do this intentionally and that it was an accident. She told him to not do it again? He is very upset about this interaction with your teacher, and was crying when he greeted me as I walked him home from the bus stop.
I'm very sorry the school year ended this way for Dayton as well as yourself. I wish you the best of luck in your retirement, and hope to see you come back as Dayton's aid. As I've said before, you and I may not agree on everything, but I do respect the way you are with my son. You have a way with Dayton no one else has had, and have him produce work.
In case we don't see each other again, I wish you luck, happiness and health in your future.
Lou
The principal called me minutes from receiving my email, explaining that Dayton was removed from the classroom not for yesterday's incident, but because Dayton and another little guy needed a break from each other. I'm thinking why is it always Dayton being removed from the classroom, why hasn't the other boy been sent out? If there's a problem with one boy, why is Dayton not allowed to speak to the rest of the classroom, but I just can't find the energy to fight. She also tells me how it is not the school's policy for children not to bring toys to school. So I'm thinking again, 'OK, so this is just a policy for Dayton?' Again, I just don't have the energy to argue. I'm in too much pain, my kidney's ready to explode and the more upset I get, the sicker I feel. She assures me Mrs. J did not speak to Dayton, but it really doesn't matter anymore. My son barely ever cries. He's just to selfish and too much of a boy to cry. So when he cries, I know there's a serious problem. There comes a time where I just have to believe what my child says is true. As fantastic as the principal is, she's not God and can't possibly know every detail of everyone's day. Dayton had nothing to gain by telling me his conversation with Mrs. J. He wanted to be comforted by his momma, which again, seldom happens.
So, I went to the bank, pulled out the $50.00 and delivered it to the school. Dayton's things were packed and ready for me to take home, saving me time and patience. Dayton got to see his aid and principal and said his good byes. It was a bitter sweet moment for me, as Dayton hugged his principal and aid, although he was happy not to return to school. Now we can focus on each other, do some school work at home, visit the library and read books he's interested in. I don't have to worry about any damage he may cause for me to be held responsible, or worry about potential incidents because of the unstructured final days of school. Summer's begun!
Hello?? Yes-I will have a super size double shot mocha Valium and Percocet latte to go please!! I need something for the nerves and the pain in my back side, literally. No pun intended, it really is the kidney stone...
Consider yourselves hugged, and maybe say a prayer for my summer's insanity!
Lou
Perhaps I'm taking the easy way out, but it is only one week of school he's missing, and I think it's the best I can do for my son. The school obviously has no structure as the end of the school year is fast approaching, and my little man needs structure. Without structure, Dayton doesn't know what to do with himself. His assistant has one speed - slow, and Dayton views him as a buddy rather than as an authority figure. Dayton's aid is super kind and gentle with Dayton, wonderful qualities you very rarely see in a man. The problem is he has no control over my son. Dayton is fully in control and in charge of their every move. He's able to take lunch items from other students, the teacher's desk, the resource teacher's desk, the office staff, etc... I've replaced them all, and now, due to yesterday's incident (see post titled Ugh!!! For The Love Of God!!!), I've decided I just can't trust the staff to keep an eye on my babe.
I again received a phone call from the principal, this time giving me the option to either pay the teacher's $200.00 autopac deductible, or pay $50.00 for her friend to fix the dent Dayton accidentally bestowed on her brand new vehicle. So here I'm thinking "I can not afford your kind of care. What will Dayton do next that his aid can not put a stop to?" I just simply can not take the chance of being held responsible for something I can not afford to replace. Furthermore, I'm not allowed to be at the school every day to ensure Dayton doesn't destroy something, accidentally or intentionally. So if I'm not there to take care of him, and his aid is not there to ensure everyone's safety, WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CHILD and his behavior? I'm confused about being confused about confusing things that confuse me!
It's not just that this is costing me money. It's been the last month of non stop phone calls and notes sent home, telling me Dayton took another child's pop, chocolate bar, the teacher's apple, another child's juice box... Here's my last response to the school of the last note I got from the teacher, asking me to replace things Dayton took from others:
Good morning Mrs. A,
Last Thursday, Mrs. D's note in Dayton's agenda asked if it would be possible for me to replace:
M's Kool aid jammer (blue raspberry), Fruit go go strips, and another child's mini crispie chocolate bar.
I'm really not trying to be difficult, but this is becoming difficult for me.
While I can appreciate the effort your staff is making in having Dayton replace items he takes from other students, I respectfully ask that your staff look at my view. Dayton has taken an apple from his teacher's desk, a pop from the resource teacher's desk, candies, and just recently has taken a pop from another student, and a juice box from someone else, etc (these items have all been replaced)... Dayton is not learning the lesson your staff is trying to teach. Dayton has a full time aid, who should be sitting with him during the lunch period. I am no longer replacing lunch or other items. If Dayton's lunch period's aid is not able to sit with him, then perhaps it's time I come and sit with Dayton during lunch period myself. There is also another option. There is only another week and a half left of this school year. If the staff is unable to sit with Dayton to ensure he behaves, maybe it's time for his summer break to begin now?
Let me know your thoughts.
Last Thursday, Mrs. D's note in Dayton's agenda asked if it would be possible for me to replace:
M's Kool aid jammer (blue raspberry), Fruit go go strips, and another child's mini crispie chocolate bar.
I'm really not trying to be difficult, but this is becoming difficult for me.
While I can appreciate the effort your staff is making in having Dayton replace items he takes from other students, I respectfully ask that your staff look at my view. Dayton has taken an apple from his teacher's desk, a pop from the resource teacher's desk, candies, and just recently has taken a pop from another student, and a juice box from someone else, etc (these items have all been replaced)... Dayton is not learning the lesson your staff is trying to teach. Dayton has a full time aid, who should be sitting with him during the lunch period. I am no longer replacing lunch or other items. If Dayton's lunch period's aid is not able to sit with him, then perhaps it's time I come and sit with Dayton during lunch period myself. There is also another option. There is only another week and a half left of this school year. If the staff is unable to sit with Dayton to ensure he behaves, maybe it's time for his summer break to begin now?
Let me know your thoughts.
So you see, I've already given the school the option of pulling Dayton out of school, or coming to the school myself. The Principal's reply to me was that she understood my concern and that she would take care of the issue. I was not to worry about it. So this last incident with Dayton accidentally damaging a vehicle, shows me that the aid is slower than a herd of turtles strolling through molasses. That's not the Principal's fault. Yet I am still held accountable as Dayton's momma.
Let's hope this is the last email communication I have with the school:
Hi M,
I've had some time to think and talk about this incident with Dayton after your call to me this afternoon. Dayton has told me that he was not allowed to join his classmates today and had to spend the whole day in the office as a result of what you had told me was an "accident," and you and Mr. J felt that Dayton did not intentionally throw the yo-yo at Mrs. J's car. Dayton agrees with your impression of the incident. Furthermore, Mrs. J approached Dayton in the hallway and told him what he did yesterday wasn't very nice. Dayton tried to explain to her that he didn't do this intentionally and that it was an accident. She told him to not do it again? He is very upset about this interaction with your teacher, and was crying when he greeted me as I walked him home from the bus stop.
I'm very sorry the school year ended this way for Dayton as well as yourself. I wish you the best of luck in your retirement, and hope to see you come back as Dayton's aid. As I've said before, you and I may not agree on everything, but I do respect the way you are with my son. You have a way with Dayton no one else has had, and have him produce work.
In case we don't see each other again, I wish you luck, happiness and health in your future.
Lou
The principal called me minutes from receiving my email, explaining that Dayton was removed from the classroom not for yesterday's incident, but because Dayton and another little guy needed a break from each other. I'm thinking why is it always Dayton being removed from the classroom, why hasn't the other boy been sent out? If there's a problem with one boy, why is Dayton not allowed to speak to the rest of the classroom, but I just can't find the energy to fight. She also tells me how it is not the school's policy for children not to bring toys to school. So I'm thinking again, 'OK, so this is just a policy for Dayton?' Again, I just don't have the energy to argue. I'm in too much pain, my kidney's ready to explode and the more upset I get, the sicker I feel. She assures me Mrs. J did not speak to Dayton, but it really doesn't matter anymore. My son barely ever cries. He's just to selfish and too much of a boy to cry. So when he cries, I know there's a serious problem. There comes a time where I just have to believe what my child says is true. As fantastic as the principal is, she's not God and can't possibly know every detail of everyone's day. Dayton had nothing to gain by telling me his conversation with Mrs. J. He wanted to be comforted by his momma, which again, seldom happens.
So, I went to the bank, pulled out the $50.00 and delivered it to the school. Dayton's things were packed and ready for me to take home, saving me time and patience. Dayton got to see his aid and principal and said his good byes. It was a bitter sweet moment for me, as Dayton hugged his principal and aid, although he was happy not to return to school. Now we can focus on each other, do some school work at home, visit the library and read books he's interested in. I don't have to worry about any damage he may cause for me to be held responsible, or worry about potential incidents because of the unstructured final days of school. Summer's begun!
Hello?? Yes-I will have a super size double shot mocha Valium and Percocet latte to go please!! I need something for the nerves and the pain in my back side, literally. No pun intended, it really is the kidney stone...
Consider yourselves hugged, and maybe say a prayer for my summer's insanity!
Lou
Thursday, 23 June 2011
Ugh!!! For The Love Of God!!!
So, yeah... crappy day. I got an email from the principal about Dayton's behavior at recess... which was not good... another accident... I'm ready to just pull him out of school... but feeling if I do, I'm the worst parent ever... but I can't stand it anymore, and I'm so ready for summer break... are we there yet?! Nope, one more week to go... I just want to curl up in a fetal position and cry or sit in a chair facing the corner, rocking back and forth while I suck on my thumb, mumbling about how much I love my life. Perhaps what I really need is a melt down of my own.
It seems a little girl brought a yo-yo to school. During recess, she played with it and it broke. Dayton picked up a broken piece of the yo-yo and threw it over the fence onto the street. Of course it doesn't end there. The piece of yo-yo he threw, bounced off a... wait for it... A TEACHER'S BRAND NEW CAR. That's right. Of course, since I have a horse shoe stuck up my butt, it doesn't end there either. There is a ding in the car. Naturally, since it is a brand new car, the teacher is rightfully upset, and is going to autopac to place a claim.
The principal doesn't believe Dayton did this maliciously or intentionally. God bless her. Maybe she's just happy that she's retiring and won't have to deal with this any more, or maybe she really thinks he didn't do this on purpose. Either way, I'm at a loss as to what to do with Dayton.
When I read the email, I immediately called the school and asked to speak with the principal. She told me his aid was standing right beside him when Dayton threw the piece of yo-yo at the car. "He was just so fast! But Lou, he feels remorse. He's writing a letter of apology."
I'm seriously debating whether or not I should either pull Dayton out of school, or show up to school with him. I figure if I go to school with him, I'd bring my camping chair and book and sit outside the classroom. Maybe if Dayton knows I'm there, he'll keep his impulses under check? I don't want to interfere with the classroom, but during breaks, I'd be right beside him, holding his hand? But this would be embarrassing to him, wouldn't it? It would not send the right message to his peers, would it? Not to mention my own health. My kidney stone, I found out today, measures 6 ml in diameter. I couldn't run after the little monkey, and he knows it!
Talking to Dayton, he swears it was an accident. "I didn't aim for the car momma..."
"What were you thinking?!"
"I'm not allowed to bring toys to school."
"So what?!?!"
"She shouldn't have brought her toy to school."
Oh for the love of God!!! What am I supposed to say to that?
"Dayton, when you bring a toy to school, you play with it all day, and refuse to do anything else."
"I wanna do what the rest of them do."
"I'm sure there are other kids who don't bring toys to school."
"Na-ahhh. I'm the only one."
"Dayton, it is my rule then that you shouldn't bring toys to school."
"Then you should tell everyone else to keep their toys at home too."
"What about the pop you took from another student?"
"Buy me pop and I'll stop."
"No Dayton. You know how hyper you get when you drink pop. That's why I don't buy you pop."
"Then tell the other kids not to bring pop to school."
"Dayton, I can't talk to the rest of the students and tell them what they can and can not bring to school."
"Why?"
"Cause I'm not the principal."
"Why?"
"If other kids jumped off a bridge, would you follow them?"
"Which bridge?"
"It was a metaphor Dayton."
"What's a metaphor?"
Ugh... Shoot me now. "It's an expression Dayton,"
"You should be the principal."
And now I'm laughing, and laughing hard. I think he'd start to hate me if I became his principal. The school would be on lock down at all times.
I feel for the little guy. He sees others bringing their toys, pop and chocolate bars, something Dayton's not allowed to have. The school has told me not to allow Dayton to bring toys to school, so if there are other kids bringing them, he feels he's being wronged. And he is. But how is the school supposed to deal with his obsession over the toy he brings? He can't focus on anything but his toy, so what are we to do? School policy is to leave toys at home, but it really isn't being enforced if his classmates are playing with bayblades during recess. Bayblades they brought from home. He wants to bring his bayblade to school, but I always told him not to. Other kids bring their iPods or MP3 players to school, but Dayton's not allowed to. But what can I do? Demand change in a school I have been persona non gratta in? What can I do???
Ugh... If my hair wasn't so damn light, I'd be pulling my hear out, but what's that going to accomplish?
What to do, what to do, what to do, what to do... Did I say what to do?
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
It seems a little girl brought a yo-yo to school. During recess, she played with it and it broke. Dayton picked up a broken piece of the yo-yo and threw it over the fence onto the street. Of course it doesn't end there. The piece of yo-yo he threw, bounced off a... wait for it... A TEACHER'S BRAND NEW CAR. That's right. Of course, since I have a horse shoe stuck up my butt, it doesn't end there either. There is a ding in the car. Naturally, since it is a brand new car, the teacher is rightfully upset, and is going to autopac to place a claim.
The principal doesn't believe Dayton did this maliciously or intentionally. God bless her. Maybe she's just happy that she's retiring and won't have to deal with this any more, or maybe she really thinks he didn't do this on purpose. Either way, I'm at a loss as to what to do with Dayton.
When I read the email, I immediately called the school and asked to speak with the principal. She told me his aid was standing right beside him when Dayton threw the piece of yo-yo at the car. "He was just so fast! But Lou, he feels remorse. He's writing a letter of apology."
I'm seriously debating whether or not I should either pull Dayton out of school, or show up to school with him. I figure if I go to school with him, I'd bring my camping chair and book and sit outside the classroom. Maybe if Dayton knows I'm there, he'll keep his impulses under check? I don't want to interfere with the classroom, but during breaks, I'd be right beside him, holding his hand? But this would be embarrassing to him, wouldn't it? It would not send the right message to his peers, would it? Not to mention my own health. My kidney stone, I found out today, measures 6 ml in diameter. I couldn't run after the little monkey, and he knows it!
Talking to Dayton, he swears it was an accident. "I didn't aim for the car momma..."
"What were you thinking?!"
"I'm not allowed to bring toys to school."
"So what?!?!"
"She shouldn't have brought her toy to school."
Oh for the love of God!!! What am I supposed to say to that?
"Dayton, when you bring a toy to school, you play with it all day, and refuse to do anything else."
"I wanna do what the rest of them do."
"I'm sure there are other kids who don't bring toys to school."
"Na-ahhh. I'm the only one."
"Dayton, it is my rule then that you shouldn't bring toys to school."
"Then you should tell everyone else to keep their toys at home too."
"What about the pop you took from another student?"
"Buy me pop and I'll stop."
"No Dayton. You know how hyper you get when you drink pop. That's why I don't buy you pop."
"Then tell the other kids not to bring pop to school."
"Dayton, I can't talk to the rest of the students and tell them what they can and can not bring to school."
"Why?"
"Cause I'm not the principal."
"Why?"
"If other kids jumped off a bridge, would you follow them?"
"Which bridge?"
"It was a metaphor Dayton."
"What's a metaphor?"
Ugh... Shoot me now. "It's an expression Dayton,"
"You should be the principal."
And now I'm laughing, and laughing hard. I think he'd start to hate me if I became his principal. The school would be on lock down at all times.
I feel for the little guy. He sees others bringing their toys, pop and chocolate bars, something Dayton's not allowed to have. The school has told me not to allow Dayton to bring toys to school, so if there are other kids bringing them, he feels he's being wronged. And he is. But how is the school supposed to deal with his obsession over the toy he brings? He can't focus on anything but his toy, so what are we to do? School policy is to leave toys at home, but it really isn't being enforced if his classmates are playing with bayblades during recess. Bayblades they brought from home. He wants to bring his bayblade to school, but I always told him not to. Other kids bring their iPods or MP3 players to school, but Dayton's not allowed to. But what can I do? Demand change in a school I have been persona non gratta in? What can I do???
Ugh... If my hair wasn't so damn light, I'd be pulling my hear out, but what's that going to accomplish?
What to do, what to do, what to do, what to do... Did I say what to do?
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
Winnipeg's Children's Coalition - Help For Our Children With Autism?
The first time I published this post, I had 2 extremely negative emails from the person I spoke with at the Children's Coalition, telling me that I have no respect for privacy or regard for the "process." I took the post off the blog, apologized to her, told her I am willing to work with her, but sadly she sent me another negative email, telling me she will not work with me as I mentioned the Children's Coalition (without mentioning her name) on facebook, and how disappointed I am with her unprofessional behavior of sending me the "hate emails." I received her third and final email as I was in the emergency room with my son, the right side of his face covered in blood while playing at school... A complete nightmare. I was so angry, I unfortunately became quite unprofessional myself, telling her off... I'm not proud of my words to her, but she really caught me at a super bad time... Here's her third and final email (so she promises):
I cannot work with you. Too bad but you obviously have no respect for me and the work that I do.
This is what was written on the Autism Winnipeg Facebook page:
Ljubica Lovrin Mary, I think that the school staff is not ABLE. I'm not opposed to inclusion, let me make that clear, but I think we missed a fundamental step towards inclusion, which is autism training for the schools. I've been emailing the premier, calling my MLA, and both forwarded me to MB education, who as you've said may make suggestions, but the schools do not have to apply these changes. I've even contacted the Children's Coalition group, blogged about my experience and got a hate mail from the woman I spoke to, actually two hate emails... Rather disturbing, her claiming I have no respect for "privacy" because I posted her contact info, which she said in the same sentence is publicly available... I ended up taking the post off the blog... She's under the impression Dayton's issues in the education system is an isolated incident?! No body seems concerned about autism training in the education system, and I have a major problem with that. How on earth are they supposed to teach our children and keep them safe when they don't seem to understand that while a child with a form of autism can speak, may also have sensory issues, verbal expression issues, etc... It blows my mind!!! I'm just tired of being sent on all these wild goose chases! I've actually contacted CJOB and they're interested in interviewing me, after the flood crisis. Wendy Thede, a member of this group is willing to come with me to share her experiences with her son's education experience. It's sad that each parent has to fight for their child's education alone. I think it's time we banded together and spoke as one voice, loud and clear: Autism training is a must for school staff!!! It not only empowers the child, but the teachers as well. Thing would run much smoother with some support and understanding, instead of school staff believing at the root of a child's behavior is bad parenting.
And then my not so classy response back to her:
No problem! I have bigger and better problems to deal with. Your wonderful school system has landed my son in the emergency room, that's where I am right now! The whole right side of his face is covered in blood, thanks to the wonderfully trained autism staff our government has provided us with. Your delusional thought of our system is DEAD WRONG lady! I have absolutely no respect for someone who lies about how much they care about our children. You can be assured if Dayton loses the sight of his right eye, I will be contacting a lawyer and tell the world how much you've helped me! Congratulations! Your work has definitely changed our life! When I get home, I will be contacting the media. I will not be silenced!
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on the MTS High Speed Mobility Network
Like I said, I'm not proud of myself. But there's only so much a mom can take in the middle of an emergency room... I pride myself on being honest about my life to all of you, so I return the post to you... So here's the original post, minus the "woman's" name. If you really want to know who I spoke with, shoot me an email.
In talking to Brent Epp at Manitoba Education, and telling him how frustrating it is for me as a parent not to have choices when it comes to Dayton's education, he asked me if I would be willing to speak to the Children's Coalition. He thought they may be helpful in my plight for children on the autism spectrum to have educators skilled to successfully include them in the classroom. "Sure, I'll talk to them. What have I got to lose?"
Here's our email correspondence before our meeting yesterday morning:
I cannot work with you. Too bad but you obviously have no respect for me and the work that I do.
This is what was written on the Autism Winnipeg Facebook page:
Ljubica Lovrin Mary, I think that the school staff is not ABLE. I'm not opposed to inclusion, let me make that clear, but I think we missed a fundamental step towards inclusion, which is autism training for the schools. I've been emailing the premier, calling my MLA, and both forwarded me to MB education, who as you've said may make suggestions, but the schools do not have to apply these changes. I've even contacted the Children's Coalition group, blogged about my experience and got a hate mail from the woman I spoke to, actually two hate emails... Rather disturbing, her claiming I have no respect for "privacy" because I posted her contact info, which she said in the same sentence is publicly available... I ended up taking the post off the blog... She's under the impression Dayton's issues in the education system is an isolated incident?! No body seems concerned about autism training in the education system, and I have a major problem with that. How on earth are they supposed to teach our children and keep them safe when they don't seem to understand that while a child with a form of autism can speak, may also have sensory issues, verbal expression issues, etc... It blows my mind!!! I'm just tired of being sent on all these wild goose chases! I've actually contacted CJOB and they're interested in interviewing me, after the flood crisis. Wendy Thede, a member of this group is willing to come with me to share her experiences with her son's education experience. It's sad that each parent has to fight for their child's education alone. I think it's time we banded together and spoke as one voice, loud and clear: Autism training is a must for school staff!!! It not only empowers the child, but the teachers as well. Thing would run much smoother with some support and understanding, instead of school staff believing at the root of a child's behavior is bad parenting.
And then my not so classy response back to her:
No problem! I have bigger and better problems to deal with. Your wonderful school system has landed my son in the emergency room, that's where I am right now! The whole right side of his face is covered in blood, thanks to the wonderfully trained autism staff our government has provided us with. Your delusional thought of our system is DEAD WRONG lady! I have absolutely no respect for someone who lies about how much they care about our children. You can be assured if Dayton loses the sight of his right eye, I will be contacting a lawyer and tell the world how much you've helped me! Congratulations! Your work has definitely changed our life! When I get home, I will be contacting the media. I will not be silenced!
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on the MTS High Speed Mobility Network
Like I said, I'm not proud of myself. But there's only so much a mom can take in the middle of an emergency room... I pride myself on being honest about my life to all of you, so I return the post to you... So here's the original post, minus the "woman's" name. If you really want to know who I spoke with, shoot me an email.
In talking to Brent Epp at Manitoba Education, and telling him how frustrating it is for me as a parent not to have choices when it comes to Dayton's education, he asked me if I would be willing to speak to the Children's Coalition. He thought they may be helpful in my plight for children on the autism spectrum to have educators skilled to successfully include them in the classroom. "Sure, I'll talk to them. What have I got to lose?"
Here's our email correspondence before our meeting yesterday morning:
Hi Lou; I received a message from Brent Epp
I trust that this provides you with a bit of a background and welcome your questions if you would like to know more. Bye for now, ---- The Children’s Coalition
Hi----,
I'm not sure we view inclusion in the same fashion... Let me clarify my view.
I love the "theory" of inclusion and fully believe that my son Dayton can be integrated or mainstreamed in public school. However... It seems the schools either choose not to genuinely include our children or they don't have the skills to include them. I've been fighting an up hill battle for the last 4 years, and frankly, I'm tired of it.
My son has PDD-NOS, so we're talking high functioning autism. He's also been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD and global delays. He spends more time in the hallway than he does in the classroom.
I think the two of us have spoken last year if I'm not mistaken...
Feel free to give me a call, and we can discuss further. I'm very interested in making inclusion work, providing that it is genuine inclusion.
Thanks,
Lou
Hi Lou; The situation for you son does not sound very appropriate or inclusive, as you say. Have you spoken with the student services administrator for your school division to discuss this? I might also suggest getting in touch with Joanna Blais at Manitoba Education. You have already spoken with Brent Epp so perhaps you have already gone this route. Which school and school division are you in? I would welcome the opportunity for a discussion but prefer face to face if that is OK with you. Let me know if your schedule would permit this. Thanks,----
I am on medical leave due to developing irritable bowel syndrome due to the stress from experiencing our wonderful school system. I am available most of the time, with the exception of this Friday morning and next Monday afternoon. Give me a call and we can arrange an appointment to see each other.
Lou
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on the MTS High Speed Mobility Network
Deja vu...been there and done that. This too shall pass...a good mantra to keep in mind as you go along. How does Monday at 10 am sound? We could meet at 120 Maryland in the CL-MB office (main floor opposite the board room). ----
That sounds great -----. I will see you at 10 am Monday April 9th.
I look forward to seeing you then,
Lou
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on the MTS High Speed Mobility Network
I should have known it wasn't going to be this easy...
"Hi Lou? This is %$^&$ school calling. Dayton doesn't seem to be feeling well this morning."
"All right, I will be there in 5 minutes..."
Hi ----,
I have to pick up Dayton from school, so I may run a little late... Hope you get the message before ten :(
Lou
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on the MTS High Speed Mobility Network
I wish she had given me her phone number!!! Maybe Marlene Gregory from Manitoba Education warned her before she made the first email contact. Would have been super helpful for me to have her number at this time... Dayton was sick, and expected me to pick him up and take him home. Finding out we were on our way to a meeting sent him into a melt down, which fortunately I calmed down before entering her office. Non the less, it would have been nice to be able to have the option to reschedule...
Here's her email to me after our "meeting:"
Yes, me thinks the lady didn't hear a word I said... She must not have heard me when I told her how Dayton's been to three different school divisions and that the problem is staff understanding or even acknowledging that autism is a neurological disorder, not a choice. She also seem to have missed my point of how this isn't just about Dayton, but all of our children!!! Now, I understand that people have worked very, very hard in making "inclusion" a policy in this province in 2004/2005. I get it. We don't want go 'regress' to the way things used to be where our children were segregated. I totally get it. Who wants that for their child? But I think we've missed an enormous step here... the training of teachers, educational assistants, guidance counselors, resource teachers and principals in HOW TO INCLUDE OUR KIDDOS!!! Successful inclusion is one in where the staff understand the difference between a child being difficult or misbehaving and a child having sensory issues and is just not able to cope. Also, common sense would be a nice touch. We need educating staff with COMMON SENSE!!!
It almost seems as though I may have to start a 'grass roots movement' so to speak. Apparently my voice is just not loud enough. I ruffle feathers everywhere I go, and seem to piss people off left, right and center, but it's just not enough! The people who seem to understand me when I say that at the root of our education problem for our kiddos is under qualified staff get seriously offended and therefore won't do anything about it. These people I speak of is the school division of course. And then there's the ones who could potentially do something (like the premier's office), but freaking well miss the boat, possibly because I'm one lone parent, who will get tired of the fight and just disappear as long as 'we' continue ignoring her and pretend we misunderstand her. They understand me all right, they just choose to ignore one lone parent's voice. Manitoba parents, I think I may be needing your help. I can't seem to do this alone, so if you feel your child is not being included or taught or cared for, discriminated against, is not understood, etc. email me at autism.diva.help@gmail.com.
My view is whatever option works best for our children is the direction to go. Contrary to some belief, I am not against inclusion, I just want genuine inclusion, not cosmetic. With your email, include your views on your child's education. We don't all have to agree on everything, but I see over 2,700 views on this blog since I started it on February 28th, so I'm just gonna say there's enough of you out there that are unhappy with your child's treatment or education. Let's start our own coalition! A coalition where a parent has a CHOICE in their children`s education. Where division boarders are not an issue, and we can support our children`s education with staff that is qualified to include them in our public schools. Or perhaps we need a school designed for our children? I'm not sure what the answer is, but I WOULD APPRECIATE SOME FEED BACK. Please email me and let me know your thoughts, and also email me with things you would like to be talked about on this blog. If you would like to share a story, email it to me and I'll be more than happy to post them on the blog.
I would like to extend this invitation not just to parents, but to educational assistants out there, teachers, grandparents, friends of parents who are raising a child with autism, or other diagnoses such as ADHD, global delays, SPD, etc. Come and join me on this crazy road trip, one that begins with a drive to the schools, school divisions and government and ends with a detour through legislation to make a change. This adventure will take you deep into the beautiful minds of our children and deposit you safely back at your original destination. Please remember to fasten your seat belt and hold on because otherwise you might get thrown into a serious state - and that's seldom a fun place to be. Advocate with me! In your email, include an organizational name you'd like for us to be known as. LET'S DO THIS!
Even though the Children's Coalition information is PUBLICLY AVAILABLE, here's her information to shorten your search.
Community Living - Manitoba
#6-120 Maryland Street
Winnipeg, MB
R3G 1L1
Phone: 786-1607
organization's email: aclmb@alcmb.ca
website: www.aclmb.ca
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Hi----,
I'm not sure we view inclusion in the same fashion... Let me clarify my view.
I love the "theory" of inclusion and fully believe that my son Dayton can be integrated or mainstreamed in public school. However... It seems the schools either choose not to genuinely include our children or they don't have the skills to include them. I've been fighting an up hill battle for the last 4 years, and frankly, I'm tired of it.
My son has PDD-NOS, so we're talking high functioning autism. He's also been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD and global delays. He spends more time in the hallway than he does in the classroom.
I think the two of us have spoken last year if I'm not mistaken...
Feel free to give me a call, and we can discuss further. I'm very interested in making inclusion work, providing that it is genuine inclusion.
Thanks,
Lou
Hi Lou; The situation for you son does not sound very appropriate or inclusive, as you say. Have you spoken with the student services administrator for your school division to discuss this? I might also suggest getting in touch with Joanna Blais at Manitoba Education. You have already spoken with Brent Epp so perhaps you have already gone this route. Which school and school division are you in? I would welcome the opportunity for a discussion but prefer face to face if that is OK with you. Let me know if your schedule would permit this. Thanks,----
I am on medical leave due to developing irritable bowel syndrome due to the stress from experiencing our wonderful school system. I am available most of the time, with the exception of this Friday morning and next Monday afternoon. Give me a call and we can arrange an appointment to see each other.
Lou
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on the MTS High Speed Mobility Network
Deja vu...been there and done that. This too shall pass...a good mantra to keep in mind as you go along. How does Monday at 10 am sound? We could meet at 120 Maryland in the CL-MB office (main floor opposite the board room). ----
That sounds great -----. I will see you at 10 am Monday April 9th.
I look forward to seeing you then,
Lou
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on the MTS High Speed Mobility Network
I should have known it wasn't going to be this easy...
"Hi Lou? This is %$^&$ school calling. Dayton doesn't seem to be feeling well this morning."
"All right, I will be there in 5 minutes..."
Hi ----,
I have to pick up Dayton from school, so I may run a little late... Hope you get the message before ten :(
Lou
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on the MTS High Speed Mobility Network
I wish she had given me her phone number!!! Maybe Marlene Gregory from Manitoba Education warned her before she made the first email contact. Would have been super helpful for me to have her number at this time... Dayton was sick, and expected me to pick him up and take him home. Finding out we were on our way to a meeting sent him into a melt down, which fortunately I calmed down before entering her office. Non the less, it would have been nice to be able to have the option to reschedule...
Here's her email to me after our "meeting:"
Potoula Locken from the St. James School Division and really have a heart to heart on how things have been going with Dayton, what you concerns are and what you would like to see for him in the future. Be specific re: the numerous suspensions, the incident report, his perceived threatening behaviour. Explain your perceptions of how the school is dealing with Dayton’s personality and how you are able to deal with it at home. Bring along the report from MATC with their suggested strategies. Then ask Potoula how St. James supports students with needs like Dayton’s. Is there a behavioural support team who can consult with his school, teachers, principal? What kind of supports are there within the school division for students with autism and global development delay.
In short, you want to work with her to figure out what appropriate education looks like for Dayton and where that can happen.
It would probably help if you wrote down your comments and questions to keep the conversation focussed so that you leave with answers as opposed to more questions. If you would like someone to come along, I would be willing, or you might consider a close friend, or someone who knows Dayton and has worked effectively with him.
This is really a fact-finding mission for you and should help you get a clearer idea of how Dayton can be supported to have a successful educational experience at school.
Let me know how things go. ----
Yes, me thinks the lady didn't hear a word I said... She must not have heard me when I told her how Dayton's been to three different school divisions and that the problem is staff understanding or even acknowledging that autism is a neurological disorder, not a choice. She also seem to have missed my point of how this isn't just about Dayton, but all of our children!!! Now, I understand that people have worked very, very hard in making "inclusion" a policy in this province in 2004/2005. I get it. We don't want go 'regress' to the way things used to be where our children were segregated. I totally get it. Who wants that for their child? But I think we've missed an enormous step here... the training of teachers, educational assistants, guidance counselors, resource teachers and principals in HOW TO INCLUDE OUR KIDDOS!!! Successful inclusion is one in where the staff understand the difference between a child being difficult or misbehaving and a child having sensory issues and is just not able to cope. Also, common sense would be a nice touch. We need educating staff with COMMON SENSE!!!
It almost seems as though I may have to start a 'grass roots movement' so to speak. Apparently my voice is just not loud enough. I ruffle feathers everywhere I go, and seem to piss people off left, right and center, but it's just not enough! The people who seem to understand me when I say that at the root of our education problem for our kiddos is under qualified staff get seriously offended and therefore won't do anything about it. These people I speak of is the school division of course. And then there's the ones who could potentially do something (like the premier's office), but freaking well miss the boat, possibly because I'm one lone parent, who will get tired of the fight and just disappear as long as 'we' continue ignoring her and pretend we misunderstand her. They understand me all right, they just choose to ignore one lone parent's voice. Manitoba parents, I think I may be needing your help. I can't seem to do this alone, so if you feel your child is not being included or taught or cared for, discriminated against, is not understood, etc. email me at autism.diva.help@gmail.com.
My view is whatever option works best for our children is the direction to go. Contrary to some belief, I am not against inclusion, I just want genuine inclusion, not cosmetic. With your email, include your views on your child's education. We don't all have to agree on everything, but I see over 2,700 views on this blog since I started it on February 28th, so I'm just gonna say there's enough of you out there that are unhappy with your child's treatment or education. Let's start our own coalition! A coalition where a parent has a CHOICE in their children`s education. Where division boarders are not an issue, and we can support our children`s education with staff that is qualified to include them in our public schools. Or perhaps we need a school designed for our children? I'm not sure what the answer is, but I WOULD APPRECIATE SOME FEED BACK. Please email me and let me know your thoughts, and also email me with things you would like to be talked about on this blog. If you would like to share a story, email it to me and I'll be more than happy to post them on the blog.
I would like to extend this invitation not just to parents, but to educational assistants out there, teachers, grandparents, friends of parents who are raising a child with autism, or other diagnoses such as ADHD, global delays, SPD, etc. Come and join me on this crazy road trip, one that begins with a drive to the schools, school divisions and government and ends with a detour through legislation to make a change. This adventure will take you deep into the beautiful minds of our children and deposit you safely back at your original destination. Please remember to fasten your seat belt and hold on because otherwise you might get thrown into a serious state - and that's seldom a fun place to be. Advocate with me! In your email, include an organizational name you'd like for us to be known as. LET'S DO THIS!
Even though the Children's Coalition information is PUBLICLY AVAILABLE, here's her information to shorten your search.
Community Living - Manitoba
#6-120 Maryland Street
Winnipeg, MB
R3G 1L1
Phone: 786-1607
organization's email: aclmb@alcmb.ca
website: www.aclmb.ca
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
Your Life Is In Danger By My Son?!
Oy Vey... Yes, It's been one of them days.
Apparently Dayton (keep in mind the little rascal weighs 60 lbs and stands about 4'2") has threatened to hurt his teacher, by kicking HER in the "balls where it will really hurt..." Yes, I said HER.
Dayton was sitting at his table with his peers, cutting out action figures with weapons as he likes to do on a daily basis. This is nothing new. Nothing out of the ordinary (the school has no idea how to stop him, and has allowed it to continue), but this time his teacher demanded he hand over the scissors. Not sure in what moment of insanity she figured he'd comply as he cuts with these scissors EVERY DAY. Of course Dayton said no. Of course he did. You can't just decide one day that the boy can't cut anymore. The more she urged to to hand the scissors over, the more he argued that he wasn't "finished."
If there's one thing that every parent knows, and so should every educator, if your child on the autism spectrum is in the middle of doing something, telling him to stop before he's finished is not a good idea. Unless of course he is being a danger to himself or others, let's not get stupid here. If Dayton is working on a project, he literally can not move on to anything else until he is finished. Transitioning from Math to Science on a drop of a dime is next to impossible for him. He needs to have notice. If he's playing outside and of course I'm outside supervising his play and trying to use some of the therapists advice, blah, blah, blah, I need to give him at least a 10 minute warning that we will be heading in soon. Then again let him know he has 8 minutes, then 6 minutes, then 4 minutes, then 2 minutes then 1 minute. I have to carry a freaking timer where ever I go. He needs NOTICE so that he is prepared to transition to another activity. Period. I've told the school this many, many times. If I have to tell them again, I'm going lose my ever living mind.
So Dayton's teacher does not give him any notice, and demands him to hand over the scissors. Can you see where this is going? I'm sure you can...
After the third demand, Dayton lost it. He told her he would stab her with the scissors (totally inappropriate, I know it, you know it) and kicked her in the shin. Awesome (being sarcastic here). Then tells her the next time he will "kick her in the balls where it really hurts." This incident took place on April 19th. I was not told about the incident until 10 days after the fact. When I was told about it, I was presented with a formal, five page "Threat Incident Report" with the word "CONFIDENTIAL" stamped on each page.
I ask the principal why the sudden change in report. She's always sent me an email or if she had to write up an incident report, it was typed on a sheet of paper with her signature at the bottom. The difference this time is because the Dayton's teacher felt her life was in danger!!! Awwwwwesoooome!!! How does a 170 lb adult fear a 60 lb child?! Someone please answer this question! Through flaring nostrils the principal tells me that Manitoba Education is coming for a visit to the school... Ahhh, so the truth finally comes out...
"Ahhh, so advocating for my child has consequences then..."
"That's not what I said..."
"That's the message I'm getting. You know this report is 10 days old. Why hadn't someone contacted me?"
"You weren't contacted?"
"Nope. So I want a copy of this report please."
"We're not suppose to give you a copy, it clearly states that one copy goes to the School Division and the other copy remains with the school and no additional copies are permitted in circulation."
"I'm not leaving without a copy of this report. I have all day. I'm on medical leave."
I got the copy.
Clearly, Dayton's educators have no control over Dayton, in fact, it's the other way around. How is he supposed to learn from these so called "professionals?" It amazes me each time I speak with the principal, how Dayton is cursing, hitting and threatening, while at home he wouldn't dare to swear at me or strike me. While I understand that there are thirty children in the classroom, he does also have a full time aid that should be at his side. This aid should understand Dayton by now, he's been with him since September. The aid should also be in charge of Dayton, not the other way around.
I think it's safe to say that at the root of Dayton's behavior problem is a simple notion called RESPECT. Dayton respects me, and I respect him back in return. I recognize when he's upset, when he's tired, and when he needs a break and intervene. Why? Not because I'm his mother, but because I understand that without the intervention, Dayton's behavior will get out of control. Also, as his mother, I am in charge of the situation. Dayton knowing I respect him, also knows I have his best interest at heart. If he doesn't feel he's respected or understood (which he is not at school), he will take matters in his own hands. This is not just Dayton as a child with autism, but Dayton as a child, period.
This in no way means that I condone Dayton's behavior. Absolutely not! But I do understand it.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Apparently Dayton (keep in mind the little rascal weighs 60 lbs and stands about 4'2") has threatened to hurt his teacher, by kicking HER in the "balls where it will really hurt..." Yes, I said HER.
Dayton was sitting at his table with his peers, cutting out action figures with weapons as he likes to do on a daily basis. This is nothing new. Nothing out of the ordinary (the school has no idea how to stop him, and has allowed it to continue), but this time his teacher demanded he hand over the scissors. Not sure in what moment of insanity she figured he'd comply as he cuts with these scissors EVERY DAY. Of course Dayton said no. Of course he did. You can't just decide one day that the boy can't cut anymore. The more she urged to to hand the scissors over, the more he argued that he wasn't "finished."
If there's one thing that every parent knows, and so should every educator, if your child on the autism spectrum is in the middle of doing something, telling him to stop before he's finished is not a good idea. Unless of course he is being a danger to himself or others, let's not get stupid here. If Dayton is working on a project, he literally can not move on to anything else until he is finished. Transitioning from Math to Science on a drop of a dime is next to impossible for him. He needs to have notice. If he's playing outside and of course I'm outside supervising his play and trying to use some of the therapists advice, blah, blah, blah, I need to give him at least a 10 minute warning that we will be heading in soon. Then again let him know he has 8 minutes, then 6 minutes, then 4 minutes, then 2 minutes then 1 minute. I have to carry a freaking timer where ever I go. He needs NOTICE so that he is prepared to transition to another activity. Period. I've told the school this many, many times. If I have to tell them again, I'm going lose my ever living mind.
So Dayton's teacher does not give him any notice, and demands him to hand over the scissors. Can you see where this is going? I'm sure you can...
After the third demand, Dayton lost it. He told her he would stab her with the scissors (totally inappropriate, I know it, you know it) and kicked her in the shin. Awesome (being sarcastic here). Then tells her the next time he will "kick her in the balls where it really hurts." This incident took place on April 19th. I was not told about the incident until 10 days after the fact. When I was told about it, I was presented with a formal, five page "Threat Incident Report" with the word "CONFIDENTIAL" stamped on each page.
I ask the principal why the sudden change in report. She's always sent me an email or if she had to write up an incident report, it was typed on a sheet of paper with her signature at the bottom. The difference this time is because the Dayton's teacher felt her life was in danger!!! Awwwwwesoooome!!! How does a 170 lb adult fear a 60 lb child?! Someone please answer this question! Through flaring nostrils the principal tells me that Manitoba Education is coming for a visit to the school... Ahhh, so the truth finally comes out...
"Ahhh, so advocating for my child has consequences then..."
"That's not what I said..."
"That's the message I'm getting. You know this report is 10 days old. Why hadn't someone contacted me?"
"You weren't contacted?"
"Nope. So I want a copy of this report please."
"We're not suppose to give you a copy, it clearly states that one copy goes to the School Division and the other copy remains with the school and no additional copies are permitted in circulation."
"I'm not leaving without a copy of this report. I have all day. I'm on medical leave."
I got the copy.
Clearly, Dayton's educators have no control over Dayton, in fact, it's the other way around. How is he supposed to learn from these so called "professionals?" It amazes me each time I speak with the principal, how Dayton is cursing, hitting and threatening, while at home he wouldn't dare to swear at me or strike me. While I understand that there are thirty children in the classroom, he does also have a full time aid that should be at his side. This aid should understand Dayton by now, he's been with him since September. The aid should also be in charge of Dayton, not the other way around.
I think it's safe to say that at the root of Dayton's behavior problem is a simple notion called RESPECT. Dayton respects me, and I respect him back in return. I recognize when he's upset, when he's tired, and when he needs a break and intervene. Why? Not because I'm his mother, but because I understand that without the intervention, Dayton's behavior will get out of control. Also, as his mother, I am in charge of the situation. Dayton knowing I respect him, also knows I have his best interest at heart. If he doesn't feel he's respected or understood (which he is not at school), he will take matters in his own hands. This is not just Dayton as a child with autism, but Dayton as a child, period.
This in no way means that I condone Dayton's behavior. Absolutely not! But I do understand it.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Wednesday, 20 April 2011
Autism Behavior - Communication
Behavior is something which all children display in one form or another. Our child's behavior tells those around them many things about their wants, needs, and desires. The most important thing to understand about behavior is that it is a form of communication. It is a complicated form of communication, but a truly basic one.
Typical children are much better at verbal communication skills than children with autism. Typical children do not always rely on physical behavior to relate a message. Often, children with autism are telling us a lot with their behavior. They can be giving an answer, asking a question or expressing a frustrated response.
Some behaviors expressed by children with autism may be appropriate or inappropriate depending on the situation. Inappropriate behaviors give a negative aspect to our children's learning experience.
It does not matter if the negative behavior occurs in a social situation or academic situation. A negative behavior must be dealt with so that the child with autism can acquire as much information as possible. Some undesired behaviors can not be eliminated. In that case those behaviors should be exchanged with desirable behaviors the child can use. In order to do this, it is both the teacher's and parent's responsibility to teach the child to "change their mind" as my dad says.
One of the stories a family related to me was a teacher who was asking their child a question. Just for example we are going to say the question was 'What is 2 + 2?' This family's child did not understand the question. Their child did not even know how to answer the teacher. It is very common for children with autism to have auditory deficits and not be able to focus on what he's being asked. As far as I'm concerned, if the government insist on inclusion, then this bit of information should automatically be listed in the teacher's handbook.
The first thing their child did was to become withdrawn. The well meaning teacher went closer to the child and asked again. Now this family's child became aggressive and used some really choice curse words. While the well meaning teacher wants to help the child, the child with autism perceives this as an invasion of his space, or an attack. Dayton's perception would be that he's in trouble and under attack. His auditory processing is severely impaired, and he while he can speak, it doesn't mean that he is able to process verbal questions or instructions all of the time. For the most part, he's pretty good at it, but sometimes... let's just say that there are times were he's over stimulated by sounds, smells and too many things going on in the classroom... Auditory processing (hearing and understanding what the speaker is trying to convey to you) and speaking yourself are two completely different things. While closely connected, they are not the same thing.
A little understanding of a child with Autism and communication can help this situation. If a parent and teacher wish to change this undesirable behavior they need to replace it. This is done by teaching a child a different technique or method of getting what they want. In order to do this, parents and teachers MUST work together. Furthermore, the policy of "inclusion" orders for the teacher to accommodate special need students. Most children with autism are very visual learners, so the teacher should accommodate visually to the child, instead of giving auditory instructions. Furthermore, replacing the behavior is NOT ENOUGH. The child needs to practice the replacement behavior. Children with autism do not automatically learn things like typical children do, they must practice over and over in order to "get it."
Tell the child with autism that when they do not understand what someone is asking they can raise their hand. This is a technique to let the adult know what is going on. Another technique is to teach the child to say a special word or phrase instead of cursing. This also gives adults involved a cue that they are feeling frustrated.
Then everyone involved has to understand if they do not respond to those cues the behavior will escalate!!! These are two simple but possibly effective way to help or change behavior in a positive way. Changing or shaping the behavior will help the child with autism have an environment more in line with their learning needs. As most children with autism have difficulties with auditory processing, the teacher could then write down or draw the question out for the child with autism, which would most likely have a better response.
Now many of you would say "a child cursing? That is highly inappropriate! Where is the child learning these words?" as many of the teachers themselves think. Let me assure you that parents of autistic children do not condone cursing from their children. It is not acceptable behavior. To answer your question, it is not the parents that teach their autistic children how to curse. Dayton NEVER curses at home, EVER.
The trick is to convince the school your child attends, that they should heed your advice, and not be judgemental of your parenting. If you're fortunate enough to have a school that works with you, this should not be a problem. If you're fortunate enough to have a school that understands autism, then again, your job will be easier. For those of struggling on both counts, we need to figure out a solution... Any suggestions or ideas are most welcome!!!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Typical children are much better at verbal communication skills than children with autism. Typical children do not always rely on physical behavior to relate a message. Often, children with autism are telling us a lot with their behavior. They can be giving an answer, asking a question or expressing a frustrated response.
Some behaviors expressed by children with autism may be appropriate or inappropriate depending on the situation. Inappropriate behaviors give a negative aspect to our children's learning experience.
It does not matter if the negative behavior occurs in a social situation or academic situation. A negative behavior must be dealt with so that the child with autism can acquire as much information as possible. Some undesired behaviors can not be eliminated. In that case those behaviors should be exchanged with desirable behaviors the child can use. In order to do this, it is both the teacher's and parent's responsibility to teach the child to "change their mind" as my dad says.
One of the stories a family related to me was a teacher who was asking their child a question. Just for example we are going to say the question was 'What is 2 + 2?' This family's child did not understand the question. Their child did not even know how to answer the teacher. It is very common for children with autism to have auditory deficits and not be able to focus on what he's being asked. As far as I'm concerned, if the government insist on inclusion, then this bit of information should automatically be listed in the teacher's handbook.
The first thing their child did was to become withdrawn. The well meaning teacher went closer to the child and asked again. Now this family's child became aggressive and used some really choice curse words. While the well meaning teacher wants to help the child, the child with autism perceives this as an invasion of his space, or an attack. Dayton's perception would be that he's in trouble and under attack. His auditory processing is severely impaired, and he while he can speak, it doesn't mean that he is able to process verbal questions or instructions all of the time. For the most part, he's pretty good at it, but sometimes... let's just say that there are times were he's over stimulated by sounds, smells and too many things going on in the classroom... Auditory processing (hearing and understanding what the speaker is trying to convey to you) and speaking yourself are two completely different things. While closely connected, they are not the same thing.
A little understanding of a child with Autism and communication can help this situation. If a parent and teacher wish to change this undesirable behavior they need to replace it. This is done by teaching a child a different technique or method of getting what they want. In order to do this, parents and teachers MUST work together. Furthermore, the policy of "inclusion" orders for the teacher to accommodate special need students. Most children with autism are very visual learners, so the teacher should accommodate visually to the child, instead of giving auditory instructions. Furthermore, replacing the behavior is NOT ENOUGH. The child needs to practice the replacement behavior. Children with autism do not automatically learn things like typical children do, they must practice over and over in order to "get it."
Tell the child with autism that when they do not understand what someone is asking they can raise their hand. This is a technique to let the adult know what is going on. Another technique is to teach the child to say a special word or phrase instead of cursing. This also gives adults involved a cue that they are feeling frustrated.
Then everyone involved has to understand if they do not respond to those cues the behavior will escalate!!! These are two simple but possibly effective way to help or change behavior in a positive way. Changing or shaping the behavior will help the child with autism have an environment more in line with their learning needs. As most children with autism have difficulties with auditory processing, the teacher could then write down or draw the question out for the child with autism, which would most likely have a better response.
Now many of you would say "a child cursing? That is highly inappropriate! Where is the child learning these words?" as many of the teachers themselves think. Let me assure you that parents of autistic children do not condone cursing from their children. It is not acceptable behavior. To answer your question, it is not the parents that teach their autistic children how to curse. Dayton NEVER curses at home, EVER.
The trick is to convince the school your child attends, that they should heed your advice, and not be judgemental of your parenting. If you're fortunate enough to have a school that works with you, this should not be a problem. If you're fortunate enough to have a school that understands autism, then again, your job will be easier. For those of struggling on both counts, we need to figure out a solution... Any suggestions or ideas are most welcome!!!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Friday, 18 March 2011
Soooo... Tell Me What'cha Want, What'cha Really, Really Want....
Idioms
Abstract Language
Sayings
Slang
Rhetorical questions
Most kids on the spectrum don't understand these, as they typically think in literal terms. Glen, Dayton's father, makes up his own "slang language," as he's the group's clown and likes to joke around and pull pranks on his friends and co-workers. This tends to be counter productive to Dayton's very concrete and literal understanding of what is discussed. Fortunately, we're aware of Dayton's language deficit, and can help him through it.
Think for a moment what this means for Dayton and others on the autism spectrum in the school setting. Teachers, principals and guidance counselors are famous for using rhetorical questions meant as a directive to the child. Let's look at a couple of examples, shall we...
Example 1) Did you forget something?
Dayton simply answers with a short "no," which to the teachers shows defiance or lack of respect. This of course results in a trip to the Principal's office, which Dayton will protest to, because in his mind, he's answered the teacher's question. If he had known he had forgotten something, he would have got it. In his mind, he doesn't understand why he's being sent to the Principal's office because he's done nothing wrong.
Example 2) What part of paying attention do you not understand?
Dayton: "all of it."
Obviously, Dayton is asked to go to the office again. In his mind, again, he simply answered the question honestly. He really doesn't understand the implied meaning of "do what you're told."
Language... we take it for granted so often that we are able to "read between the lines." for the kids like Dayton who fit on the higher functioning side of the autism spectrum, it is difficult to believe that they don't understand the intended meaning behind idioms when they are capable of having a conversation. These kids look so good, with no visible disability, so the teachers forget that they are neurologically different from the rest of the student body.
Unfortunately, because of their language deficits and misunderstandings, these kids are labelled as bad, manipulative or defiant. Naturally, this results in negative consequences for these kids, by being punished with no understanding as to what they have done wrong. And now they're mad... Wouldn't you be? What happens when you get mad, or feel you have been wrongfully accused of something you didn't do? Oh yes... do you sense the suspension just around the corner?
Now does this mean these kids can't learn abstract language? Of course not. Teachers just need to take a short minute or less to ensure that the child understood what they had meant. I do it all the time at home. Here's a quick example of something that happened just last weekend.
We had grandma and grandpa over for supper Sunday night, which even though it may have interrupted Dayton's routine, he very much looked forward to. Dayton loves his grandparents dearly, and looks up to grandpa. After supper, grandma and I helped Dayton plant some peas, as his school project of planting beans didn't workout too well. Once we finished, he wanted to play with his Nerf gun my friend had given him as a birthday present.
At 7 pm, I asked Dayton to start his bed time routine. I normally have him in bed at 7:30pm, with the lights turned off and the TV ready to watch Sponge Bob Square Pants until 8pm, when he turns the TV off and goes to sleep with his cat Jack. This night he tells me that instead of watching Sponge Bob, he wants to visit with grandma and grandpa. I agree and go to the laundry room to finish the heap of laundry.
Well... All I heard was Dayton's Nerf gun shooting foamy bullets at my walls. I come back out and ask Dayton why he isn't spending time with his grandparents. I'm frustrated, tired, and feeling ill. All I want to do is get this laundry done, sit down with mom and visit with her a little longer. I slip and make a mistake...
"Stop pushing my buttons!!! Get ready for bed, NOW!"
"What buttons?"
"Oh no..."
"Where are these buttons?!"
"Honey, it's a figure of speech."
"Figure?!"
"Dayton, sometimes when we get upset, we will say something like "stop pushing my buttons." It doesn't mean that we actually have buttons to press."
"What about our belly buttons?"
"We don't press our belly buttons, and if we did, nothing would happen."
"Sooooooo, there's no buttons for me to press... then why did you say I pressed your buttons?"
Let's try this again... "Sometimes, people get upset, just like mommy got upset with you, see my face?" I make it a point to frown, and ensure he understands that my face means I'm frustrated. Dayton struggles with recognizing facial expressions. "When you won't stop and listen to me and obey, it makes me upset, and when you won't stop what you're doing..."
"Pressing buttons."
"Right."
"So you don't have buttons."
"Right, mommy doesn't have buttons."
"Other than your belly button."
"Right babe, other than my belly button."
It takes some time, and it can be a little frustrating, but it's something that needs to be done. Dayton has now learned an expression, one I hope he can remember for next time someone uses the idiom. Things that other children (I hate using the word "normal," it drives me crazy) are able to decipher, kids on the autism spectrum need to learn, and discuss in order to understand. How wonderful it would be if Dayton's teachers accepted this!
As my dad always says instead of saying good bye, "Consider yourselves hugged!"
Lou
Abstract Language
Sayings
Slang
Rhetorical questions
Most kids on the spectrum don't understand these, as they typically think in literal terms. Glen, Dayton's father, makes up his own "slang language," as he's the group's clown and likes to joke around and pull pranks on his friends and co-workers. This tends to be counter productive to Dayton's very concrete and literal understanding of what is discussed. Fortunately, we're aware of Dayton's language deficit, and can help him through it.
Think for a moment what this means for Dayton and others on the autism spectrum in the school setting. Teachers, principals and guidance counselors are famous for using rhetorical questions meant as a directive to the child. Let's look at a couple of examples, shall we...
Example 1) Did you forget something?
Dayton simply answers with a short "no," which to the teachers shows defiance or lack of respect. This of course results in a trip to the Principal's office, which Dayton will protest to, because in his mind, he's answered the teacher's question. If he had known he had forgotten something, he would have got it. In his mind, he doesn't understand why he's being sent to the Principal's office because he's done nothing wrong.
Example 2) What part of paying attention do you not understand?
Dayton: "all of it."
Obviously, Dayton is asked to go to the office again. In his mind, again, he simply answered the question honestly. He really doesn't understand the implied meaning of "do what you're told."
Language... we take it for granted so often that we are able to "read between the lines." for the kids like Dayton who fit on the higher functioning side of the autism spectrum, it is difficult to believe that they don't understand the intended meaning behind idioms when they are capable of having a conversation. These kids look so good, with no visible disability, so the teachers forget that they are neurologically different from the rest of the student body.
Unfortunately, because of their language deficits and misunderstandings, these kids are labelled as bad, manipulative or defiant. Naturally, this results in negative consequences for these kids, by being punished with no understanding as to what they have done wrong. And now they're mad... Wouldn't you be? What happens when you get mad, or feel you have been wrongfully accused of something you didn't do? Oh yes... do you sense the suspension just around the corner?
Now does this mean these kids can't learn abstract language? Of course not. Teachers just need to take a short minute or less to ensure that the child understood what they had meant. I do it all the time at home. Here's a quick example of something that happened just last weekend.
We had grandma and grandpa over for supper Sunday night, which even though it may have interrupted Dayton's routine, he very much looked forward to. Dayton loves his grandparents dearly, and looks up to grandpa. After supper, grandma and I helped Dayton plant some peas, as his school project of planting beans didn't workout too well. Once we finished, he wanted to play with his Nerf gun my friend had given him as a birthday present.
At 7 pm, I asked Dayton to start his bed time routine. I normally have him in bed at 7:30pm, with the lights turned off and the TV ready to watch Sponge Bob Square Pants until 8pm, when he turns the TV off and goes to sleep with his cat Jack. This night he tells me that instead of watching Sponge Bob, he wants to visit with grandma and grandpa. I agree and go to the laundry room to finish the heap of laundry.
Well... All I heard was Dayton's Nerf gun shooting foamy bullets at my walls. I come back out and ask Dayton why he isn't spending time with his grandparents. I'm frustrated, tired, and feeling ill. All I want to do is get this laundry done, sit down with mom and visit with her a little longer. I slip and make a mistake...
"Stop pushing my buttons!!! Get ready for bed, NOW!"
"What buttons?"
"Oh no..."
"Where are these buttons?!"
"Honey, it's a figure of speech."
"Figure?!"
"Dayton, sometimes when we get upset, we will say something like "stop pushing my buttons." It doesn't mean that we actually have buttons to press."
"What about our belly buttons?"
"We don't press our belly buttons, and if we did, nothing would happen."
"Sooooooo, there's no buttons for me to press... then why did you say I pressed your buttons?"
Let's try this again... "Sometimes, people get upset, just like mommy got upset with you, see my face?" I make it a point to frown, and ensure he understands that my face means I'm frustrated. Dayton struggles with recognizing facial expressions. "When you won't stop and listen to me and obey, it makes me upset, and when you won't stop what you're doing..."
"Pressing buttons."
"Right."
"So you don't have buttons."
"Right, mommy doesn't have buttons."
"Other than your belly button."
"Right babe, other than my belly button."
It takes some time, and it can be a little frustrating, but it's something that needs to be done. Dayton has now learned an expression, one I hope he can remember for next time someone uses the idiom. Things that other children (I hate using the word "normal," it drives me crazy) are able to decipher, kids on the autism spectrum need to learn, and discuss in order to understand. How wonderful it would be if Dayton's teachers accepted this!
As my dad always says instead of saying good bye, "Consider yourselves hugged!"
Lou
Monday, 14 March 2011
CFS, Friend or Foe?
Many of us think of CFS (Child and Family Services) as the devil who comes and takes our children away, but did you know they offer other services?
Turns out they can be used to advocate for your children in their school! I had no clue!
Do to Dayton's behavior, his current school has called CFS twice in the last year. It's super embarrassing, and as I cried and threw a temper tantrum only a parent who's been in this horrifying position can appreciate, the worker sitting across from me sympathized with my situation. Upon hearing what the school had to say, then listen to my incoherent babble and interviewing Dayton, the file was closed immediately. Before leaving their offices, the worker asked me how she could be of help to Dayton and I, and of course my first answer was to find us a new school, a school that specialized in helping children with autism. Of course, her answer to me is an all too familiar answer most of us hear when we ask our selves where to find a school that can appreciate our little ones pattern of thought. "I'm afraid there just isn't any such school in Winnipeg... But, I do have another idea..."
"I'm all ears!!!"
"How about we find a worker who will advocate for Dayton within the school system?"
"Seriously?! You do that?"
"Yes."
"Sign me up!!!"
And she did.
In less then two weeks I got a phone call from a worker who was a temp, but offered his services right away. He came to my home, and I asked Dayton's social worker, Diana from children with special needs and disabilities to come join us for our first appointment. I mean, CFS was coming to my house, and they're the devil, right? I needed someone at the door to stop Satan if he tried to take my baby away, and Diana is afraid of no one. At least I think...
Anyways, the appointment went super well! A little uncomfortable at first, and I was totally, brutally honest with the guy, I told him it's strange working with someone who could potentially come in my home, not like my smile and take my baby, but he assured me CFS wants to work with families to keep families together. Another thought he had offered me was that having CFS come to Dayton's IEP meetings at the school shows I have a relationship with CFS and the school can not use CFS as threat when I'm bringing CFS to them! I liked this guy.
He hooked me up with some counseling, which I thought I didn't really need, but you know what? I think most of us with kids on the spectrum need someone to talk to, someone who will listen to us without judgement, and someone we can vent at. We all love our kids, no doubt about that, I would give my life for Dayton's in a blink of an eye, but there are days where my patients runs on empty, and I just need a break from having to explain every single thing... Just a little, tiny break...
It was during this counseling that I learned that someone from the school division that has an understanding of autism should be involved in the IEP process, and furthermore, should be included in the IEP meetings! I've never had anyone from the school division included in the IEP meetings, and the only people present were the principal, school guidance counselor, the resource teacher and then of course Dayton's team: his behavioral specialist I work with at home and of course Diana, Dayton's social worker from children with special needs and disabilities, and let's not forget me, his mama. I don't go to a school meeting without these two ladies, as I need their support to make it through a meeting with this school.
One more thing... they have family support workers! Depending on your income, they may charge you for this service, but since I'm on sick leave from work, our worker isn't charging us. The family support worker comes to our home once a week for an hour and a half. She provides us with information and is a sound board for me.
By having a relationship with CFS, I'm walking away with an advocate for Dayton in the school system, a counselor for myself, a proper IEP meeting where the school is accountable for what happens at school, and a family service worker. None of these things would have come about without my CFS worker.
Another plus, every email I get from the school and respond to, I forward to Brenda, my CFS worker. Everything is documented by her, so if there are any issues, she will take care of them. She's so strong! And if I have a concern with the school and email then, I make sure they see Brenda's being emailed as well. I get a response from the school immediately. Brenda's email address carries a lot of weight behind it.
Friend or Foe?
For more information on what services they offer, follow this link: /index.html http://www.gov.mb.ca/fs/pwd/index.html.
To contact the Family Support Coordinator, call 204-944-4369.
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
Turns out they can be used to advocate for your children in their school! I had no clue!
Do to Dayton's behavior, his current school has called CFS twice in the last year. It's super embarrassing, and as I cried and threw a temper tantrum only a parent who's been in this horrifying position can appreciate, the worker sitting across from me sympathized with my situation. Upon hearing what the school had to say, then listen to my incoherent babble and interviewing Dayton, the file was closed immediately. Before leaving their offices, the worker asked me how she could be of help to Dayton and I, and of course my first answer was to find us a new school, a school that specialized in helping children with autism. Of course, her answer to me is an all too familiar answer most of us hear when we ask our selves where to find a school that can appreciate our little ones pattern of thought. "I'm afraid there just isn't any such school in Winnipeg... But, I do have another idea..."
"I'm all ears!!!"
"How about we find a worker who will advocate for Dayton within the school system?"
"Seriously?! You do that?"
"Yes."
"Sign me up!!!"
And she did.
In less then two weeks I got a phone call from a worker who was a temp, but offered his services right away. He came to my home, and I asked Dayton's social worker, Diana from children with special needs and disabilities to come join us for our first appointment. I mean, CFS was coming to my house, and they're the devil, right? I needed someone at the door to stop Satan if he tried to take my baby away, and Diana is afraid of no one. At least I think...
Anyways, the appointment went super well! A little uncomfortable at first, and I was totally, brutally honest with the guy, I told him it's strange working with someone who could potentially come in my home, not like my smile and take my baby, but he assured me CFS wants to work with families to keep families together. Another thought he had offered me was that having CFS come to Dayton's IEP meetings at the school shows I have a relationship with CFS and the school can not use CFS as threat when I'm bringing CFS to them! I liked this guy.
He hooked me up with some counseling, which I thought I didn't really need, but you know what? I think most of us with kids on the spectrum need someone to talk to, someone who will listen to us without judgement, and someone we can vent at. We all love our kids, no doubt about that, I would give my life for Dayton's in a blink of an eye, but there are days where my patients runs on empty, and I just need a break from having to explain every single thing... Just a little, tiny break...
It was during this counseling that I learned that someone from the school division that has an understanding of autism should be involved in the IEP process, and furthermore, should be included in the IEP meetings! I've never had anyone from the school division included in the IEP meetings, and the only people present were the principal, school guidance counselor, the resource teacher and then of course Dayton's team: his behavioral specialist I work with at home and of course Diana, Dayton's social worker from children with special needs and disabilities, and let's not forget me, his mama. I don't go to a school meeting without these two ladies, as I need their support to make it through a meeting with this school.
One more thing... they have family support workers! Depending on your income, they may charge you for this service, but since I'm on sick leave from work, our worker isn't charging us. The family support worker comes to our home once a week for an hour and a half. She provides us with information and is a sound board for me.
By having a relationship with CFS, I'm walking away with an advocate for Dayton in the school system, a counselor for myself, a proper IEP meeting where the school is accountable for what happens at school, and a family service worker. None of these things would have come about without my CFS worker.
Another plus, every email I get from the school and respond to, I forward to Brenda, my CFS worker. Everything is documented by her, so if there are any issues, she will take care of them. She's so strong! And if I have a concern with the school and email then, I make sure they see Brenda's being emailed as well. I get a response from the school immediately. Brenda's email address carries a lot of weight behind it.
Friend or Foe?
For more information on what services they offer, follow this link: /index.html http://www.gov.mb.ca/fs/pwd/index.html.
To contact the Family Support Coordinator, call 204-944-4369.
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
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