Oy vey... The boy has struck again. Not sure what's happening with him, but it's been a rough week. It doesn't help that I've got this horrible ear and sinus infection, I'm working more hours now (which I need now that I have a car payment), and the excitement around his birthday wreaked a wee bit of havoc too.
Monday: Missed the school bus because I had overslept. My ear weeping, head about to explode from the sinus pressure, I dizzily drag my butt into Dayton's room to wake him up. He said 'no,' rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. Of course as much as I would have loved to do the same, it just wasn't an option. I rip the covers off the boy, put my hands over my ears and start singing. At this point I should let you know that even if I could hear myself properly, I am completely tone deaf and can't sing. The sound is somewhere between a screeching cat and a cheetah's growl. It's just not pretty. The boy finally gets up, and I drive him to school.
While getting ready for work, I get a phone call from Dayton's teacher. She hears my voice and apologizes for calling, telling me she'll call another time, but I insist to hear what prompted her to call me in the first place. I don't want to lose sleep over something that may not be a big deal... Boy, was I wrong...
My darling babe refused to do his math work with his educational assistant, telling her he didn't have to listen to her, and that he wasn't doing his work. He swore at her. When that didn't make her stop asking him to work, he found a broken chair leg and started poking at her. And when that failed... He stuck his fingers up his rectum... Yes. He did. And then tried to touch her. And then he tried touching everything in the room. And then he proceeded to go do his milk monitoring job refusing to wash his hands until the principal got involved.
Pardon my French, but WHAT THE HELL?! My first impulse was to spank the boy and ground him for life. Really? Seriously?
Of course, I decided that I wasn't going to talk to Dayton until I 'chilled out,' literally. I was so hot from my fever, I opened the freezer door and stuck my head in it, not kidding. I sat Dayton down and told him I knew what happened at school and that I was not impressed. He had no explanation for me, just looked at me like I had that third eye growing out of my forehead again. Finally he says to me "I was too tired to do math."
"You didn't think you should tell your aid this?!"
"She knew I was tired."
"How did she know this Dayton?"
"Because I was tired."
"But you didn't tell her that, did you?"
"No."
"Then how was she supposed to know you were tired?"
"Because I was tired (rolling his eyes at me now, making my blood pressure rise)!"
"Dayton, no one knows what's happening for you unless you TELL them, you really need to use your words. There's no projector in your head announcing to everyone what you're thinking. Not only that, but sticking your fingers up your butt, really?! What made you think that was appropriate in any way?!"
"I dunno."
I hate I dunno.
"Dayton, from now on, you need to earn twelve magnets per week before you can play your playstation on the the weekends. Your teacher will let me know if you've done your work during the morning and afternoon. Each time you do your work for that period, you get a magnet."
"But momma!!! I have a hard time getting ten magnets! Twelve is impossible!!!"
"No, it's not impossible. There are five days in a school week, and you can earn two magnets each day. Count my fingers..."
MELTDOWN CITY.
Tuesday: Dayton drags his butt around the house in the morning, not listening to me to get ready for school. We miss the bus. He's rude to his educational assistant, telling her someone 'taddled' on him to his momma, and now he's 'gonna have to pay.' The teacher asks me if I know what Dayton means by this statement, and I explain to her about having to earn two extra magnets a week (completely attainable) to be able to play his playstation on the weekend.
"Dayton, you have no right telling off your aid. You are not to speak like that to her again!"
"Yes momma."
"And why would you say that you 'have to pay?! Do you have any idea what that sounds like? Why not just tell her that you have to earn two extra magnets a week?"
"She knows I pay with magnets."
"Dayton, again buddy, you need to use your words. People can't read your mind and have no idea what you're thinking!!!"
"She knows I pay for everything with magnets!!!"
"No she doesn't Dayton. You need to explain your thoughts. People don't know what you're thinking buddy!!!"
"YES SHE DOES!!!"
Argh.
Wednesday: Dayton again won't get ready for school and we AGAIN miss the school bus.
Thursday: We miss the school bus again because Dayton refuses to get ready when I ask him to, even when I threaten to make him walk to school if he misses the bus again. We miss the bus. This time I won't let him in the car and tell him to start walking. He refuses to walk and starts hitting my new Sexy Rexy
Today: We miss the bus, but not due to Dayton's trouble getting ready... the bus came early. I'm still sick and tired. I'm still bothered about the butt thing.
Anyways, consider yourselves hugged y'all,
Lou
Showing posts with label aid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aid. Show all posts
Friday, 17 February 2012
Wednesday, 29 June 2011
Structure, Structure, And Structure Some More
As I've said on my previous post, I have decided to keep Dayton home for the rest of the school year (don't be saying "oh my God!" We're pretty much at the end of the school year, it's really not that big of a deal.) I've decided to keep Dayton home because of the lack of structure at the end of the school year all schools go through, not just the school Dayton attends.
The last two weeks of school are usually the toughest for kids on the autism spectrum. Well meaning teachers, principals and school divisions look at the last week or two of the school year as a time for celebrating the end of the year by treating the kids to a break so to speak. Lots of free play time, movie time, entertainment, etc... Everyone in the building, adults and children alike, are excited about the coming of summer break, and focus is not high on the priority list. Unfortunately, for children on the autism spectrum, or kids with ADHD, ADD, ODD, OCD, etc.., this time of excitement is even more crucial for them to have their aid persistently present, their day structured ever more diligently, and their teachers on the ball at all times as they can sense everyone's excitement. Like other children, they too want to celebrate, the problem is that when their routine get broken, they may not know what to do with themselves. Dayton does not read social cues well, and his speech is delayed. Communicating his 'feelings' is a struggle for him. When he can't communicate what it is that he wants, doesn't recognize social cues or facial expressions, it's as though his primal brain takes over and he can not control his impulses. Having structure in Dayton's day is crucial.
Ever hear of the saying: "Too much good can be a bad thing?" Very much true in Dayton's case. While he enjoys free play as much as any other kid, the free play itself needs to be structured and designed in a way he can handle. I can't just take this little guy out to the park and set him loose. That would be sheer heaven! When he plays outside, I must schedule things with him and have his input.
"So we're going to go to the swings first, right momma?"
"Yes babe, always the swings first. What would you like to do next?"
"Down the slide."
"OK, we'll use the slide after the swings, sounds good buddy. And then what would you like to do?"
"Feed the birds."
"OK, so we're gonna hit the swings, hit the slide, then go see the birds. What's after that?"
"Mamma, we don't hit the swings, we swing on them, and we don't hit the slide, we slide down them. And I don't want to see the birds, I want to FEED the birds!!!"
Damn it! I used an euphemism. Well done mom. "I'm sorry Dayton, you're right." I just don't have the heart to try to teach him another euphemism today as he gets so frustrated when trying to make it make sense for himself. A lesson for another day.
Free play at our home's playground with his buddies needs to be supervised and structured. I love the bayblades! There are rules to follow, spinning objects, and a way to behave during the game (Pull the cord, wait and watch. No hands allowed to stop the spinning tops, and most kids with autism love spinning objects).
Another game with rules that Dayton loves is croquet. This is a game that I can play with him and his friends, the more the merrier and his friends and foes love it when I break out the croquet (which Dayton is not able to pronounce correctly... He calls it cocaine. I just pray he doesn't go to school and tell them all he played cocaine with his mamma). Croquet is so much fun! Huge hammers with big balls and a track to conquer. We also enjoy a good game of bean bag toss (haven't got a clue what it's really called, it's the game with two wooden planks with three holes in it, each team throws the bean bags into the holes to score and win the game). Bocci Ball is another favorite of mine, not so much of Dayton's, but he will play it. Again, rules to follow this game too. Pick a color of ball you want to represent you, then try to throw your balls to the little white ball. Closest to the white ball or the one who hits the white ball wins!
Not only are these games fun, but Dayton is now forced to interact with other children, giving him more opportunity to practice his social skills. He must wait his turn, and when playing the bean bag toss, Dayton has to play as part of a 'team.' Huge benefits for both of us! Games with structure and rules provide Dayton with the opportunity to have a little fun and knowing the rules and expectations of the game keeps him nice and calm. Until, that is, someone breaks the rules... Which is why big mamma is always present, at arm's (or croquet hammer, I'm no dummy) length or less away.
Consider yourselves hugged!!!
Lou
The last two weeks of school are usually the toughest for kids on the autism spectrum. Well meaning teachers, principals and school divisions look at the last week or two of the school year as a time for celebrating the end of the year by treating the kids to a break so to speak. Lots of free play time, movie time, entertainment, etc... Everyone in the building, adults and children alike, are excited about the coming of summer break, and focus is not high on the priority list. Unfortunately, for children on the autism spectrum, or kids with ADHD, ADD, ODD, OCD, etc.., this time of excitement is even more crucial for them to have their aid persistently present, their day structured ever more diligently, and their teachers on the ball at all times as they can sense everyone's excitement. Like other children, they too want to celebrate, the problem is that when their routine get broken, they may not know what to do with themselves. Dayton does not read social cues well, and his speech is delayed. Communicating his 'feelings' is a struggle for him. When he can't communicate what it is that he wants, doesn't recognize social cues or facial expressions, it's as though his primal brain takes over and he can not control his impulses. Having structure in Dayton's day is crucial.
Ever hear of the saying: "Too much good can be a bad thing?" Very much true in Dayton's case. While he enjoys free play as much as any other kid, the free play itself needs to be structured and designed in a way he can handle. I can't just take this little guy out to the park and set him loose. That would be sheer heaven! When he plays outside, I must schedule things with him and have his input.
"So we're going to go to the swings first, right momma?"
"Yes babe, always the swings first. What would you like to do next?"
"Down the slide."
"OK, we'll use the slide after the swings, sounds good buddy. And then what would you like to do?"
"Feed the birds."
"OK, so we're gonna hit the swings, hit the slide, then go see the birds. What's after that?"
"Mamma, we don't hit the swings, we swing on them, and we don't hit the slide, we slide down them. And I don't want to see the birds, I want to FEED the birds!!!"
Damn it! I used an euphemism. Well done mom. "I'm sorry Dayton, you're right." I just don't have the heart to try to teach him another euphemism today as he gets so frustrated when trying to make it make sense for himself. A lesson for another day.
Free play at our home's playground with his buddies needs to be supervised and structured. I love the bayblades! There are rules to follow, spinning objects, and a way to behave during the game (Pull the cord, wait and watch. No hands allowed to stop the spinning tops, and most kids with autism love spinning objects).
Another game with rules that Dayton loves is croquet. This is a game that I can play with him and his friends, the more the merrier and his friends and foes love it when I break out the croquet (which Dayton is not able to pronounce correctly... He calls it cocaine. I just pray he doesn't go to school and tell them all he played cocaine with his mamma). Croquet is so much fun! Huge hammers with big balls and a track to conquer. We also enjoy a good game of bean bag toss (haven't got a clue what it's really called, it's the game with two wooden planks with three holes in it, each team throws the bean bags into the holes to score and win the game). Bocci Ball is another favorite of mine, not so much of Dayton's, but he will play it. Again, rules to follow this game too. Pick a color of ball you want to represent you, then try to throw your balls to the little white ball. Closest to the white ball or the one who hits the white ball wins!
Not only are these games fun, but Dayton is now forced to interact with other children, giving him more opportunity to practice his social skills. He must wait his turn, and when playing the bean bag toss, Dayton has to play as part of a 'team.' Huge benefits for both of us! Games with structure and rules provide Dayton with the opportunity to have a little fun and knowing the rules and expectations of the game keeps him nice and calm. Until, that is, someone breaks the rules... Which is why big mamma is always present, at arm's (or croquet hammer, I'm no dummy) length or less away.
Consider yourselves hugged!!!
Lou
Friday, 24 June 2011
Enough Is Enough
Enough. I've just had enough. It's easier to build a wall, dig a moat and add alligators and a running stream then it is for the school to care for my child. As much as I'm going to miss my afternoon naps, my health is declining and I just can't handle anymore. I've decided to pull Dayton out of school for the rest of the year and keep him safe and happy.
Perhaps I'm taking the easy way out, but it is only one week of school he's missing, and I think it's the best I can do for my son. The school obviously has no structure as the end of the school year is fast approaching, and my little man needs structure. Without structure, Dayton doesn't know what to do with himself. His assistant has one speed - slow, and Dayton views him as a buddy rather than as an authority figure. Dayton's aid is super kind and gentle with Dayton, wonderful qualities you very rarely see in a man. The problem is he has no control over my son. Dayton is fully in control and in charge of their every move. He's able to take lunch items from other students, the teacher's desk, the resource teacher's desk, the office staff, etc... I've replaced them all, and now, due to yesterday's incident (see post titled Ugh!!! For The Love Of God!!!), I've decided I just can't trust the staff to keep an eye on my babe.
I again received a phone call from the principal, this time giving me the option to either pay the teacher's $200.00 autopac deductible, or pay $50.00 for her friend to fix the dent Dayton accidentally bestowed on her brand new vehicle. So here I'm thinking "I can not afford your kind of care. What will Dayton do next that his aid can not put a stop to?" I just simply can not take the chance of being held responsible for something I can not afford to replace. Furthermore, I'm not allowed to be at the school every day to ensure Dayton doesn't destroy something, accidentally or intentionally. So if I'm not there to take care of him, and his aid is not there to ensure everyone's safety, WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CHILD and his behavior? I'm confused about being confused about confusing things that confuse me!
It's not just that this is costing me money. It's been the last month of non stop phone calls and notes sent home, telling me Dayton took another child's pop, chocolate bar, the teacher's apple, another child's juice box... Here's my last response to the school of the last note I got from the teacher, asking me to replace things Dayton took from others:
Lou
So you see, I've already given the school the option of pulling Dayton out of school, or coming to the school myself. The Principal's reply to me was that she understood my concern and that she would take care of the issue. I was not to worry about it. So this last incident with Dayton accidentally damaging a vehicle, shows me that the aid is slower than a herd of turtles strolling through molasses. That's not the Principal's fault. Yet I am still held accountable as Dayton's momma.
Let's hope this is the last email communication I have with the school:
Hi M,
I've had some time to think and talk about this incident with Dayton after your call to me this afternoon. Dayton has told me that he was not allowed to join his classmates today and had to spend the whole day in the office as a result of what you had told me was an "accident," and you and Mr. J felt that Dayton did not intentionally throw the yo-yo at Mrs. J's car. Dayton agrees with your impression of the incident. Furthermore, Mrs. J approached Dayton in the hallway and told him what he did yesterday wasn't very nice. Dayton tried to explain to her that he didn't do this intentionally and that it was an accident. She told him to not do it again? He is very upset about this interaction with your teacher, and was crying when he greeted me as I walked him home from the bus stop.
I'm very sorry the school year ended this way for Dayton as well as yourself. I wish you the best of luck in your retirement, and hope to see you come back as Dayton's aid. As I've said before, you and I may not agree on everything, but I do respect the way you are with my son. You have a way with Dayton no one else has had, and have him produce work.
In case we don't see each other again, I wish you luck, happiness and health in your future.
Lou
The principal called me minutes from receiving my email, explaining that Dayton was removed from the classroom not for yesterday's incident, but because Dayton and another little guy needed a break from each other. I'm thinking why is it always Dayton being removed from the classroom, why hasn't the other boy been sent out? If there's a problem with one boy, why is Dayton not allowed to speak to the rest of the classroom, but I just can't find the energy to fight. She also tells me how it is not the school's policy for children not to bring toys to school. So I'm thinking again, 'OK, so this is just a policy for Dayton?' Again, I just don't have the energy to argue. I'm in too much pain, my kidney's ready to explode and the more upset I get, the sicker I feel. She assures me Mrs. J did not speak to Dayton, but it really doesn't matter anymore. My son barely ever cries. He's just to selfish and too much of a boy to cry. So when he cries, I know there's a serious problem. There comes a time where I just have to believe what my child says is true. As fantastic as the principal is, she's not God and can't possibly know every detail of everyone's day. Dayton had nothing to gain by telling me his conversation with Mrs. J. He wanted to be comforted by his momma, which again, seldom happens.
So, I went to the bank, pulled out the $50.00 and delivered it to the school. Dayton's things were packed and ready for me to take home, saving me time and patience. Dayton got to see his aid and principal and said his good byes. It was a bitter sweet moment for me, as Dayton hugged his principal and aid, although he was happy not to return to school. Now we can focus on each other, do some school work at home, visit the library and read books he's interested in. I don't have to worry about any damage he may cause for me to be held responsible, or worry about potential incidents because of the unstructured final days of school. Summer's begun!
Hello?? Yes-I will have a super size double shot mocha Valium and Percocet latte to go please!! I need something for the nerves and the pain in my back side, literally. No pun intended, it really is the kidney stone...
Consider yourselves hugged, and maybe say a prayer for my summer's insanity!
Lou
Perhaps I'm taking the easy way out, but it is only one week of school he's missing, and I think it's the best I can do for my son. The school obviously has no structure as the end of the school year is fast approaching, and my little man needs structure. Without structure, Dayton doesn't know what to do with himself. His assistant has one speed - slow, and Dayton views him as a buddy rather than as an authority figure. Dayton's aid is super kind and gentle with Dayton, wonderful qualities you very rarely see in a man. The problem is he has no control over my son. Dayton is fully in control and in charge of their every move. He's able to take lunch items from other students, the teacher's desk, the resource teacher's desk, the office staff, etc... I've replaced them all, and now, due to yesterday's incident (see post titled Ugh!!! For The Love Of God!!!), I've decided I just can't trust the staff to keep an eye on my babe.
I again received a phone call from the principal, this time giving me the option to either pay the teacher's $200.00 autopac deductible, or pay $50.00 for her friend to fix the dent Dayton accidentally bestowed on her brand new vehicle. So here I'm thinking "I can not afford your kind of care. What will Dayton do next that his aid can not put a stop to?" I just simply can not take the chance of being held responsible for something I can not afford to replace. Furthermore, I'm not allowed to be at the school every day to ensure Dayton doesn't destroy something, accidentally or intentionally. So if I'm not there to take care of him, and his aid is not there to ensure everyone's safety, WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CHILD and his behavior? I'm confused about being confused about confusing things that confuse me!
It's not just that this is costing me money. It's been the last month of non stop phone calls and notes sent home, telling me Dayton took another child's pop, chocolate bar, the teacher's apple, another child's juice box... Here's my last response to the school of the last note I got from the teacher, asking me to replace things Dayton took from others:
Good morning Mrs. A,
Last Thursday, Mrs. D's note in Dayton's agenda asked if it would be possible for me to replace:
M's Kool aid jammer (blue raspberry), Fruit go go strips, and another child's mini crispie chocolate bar.
I'm really not trying to be difficult, but this is becoming difficult for me.
While I can appreciate the effort your staff is making in having Dayton replace items he takes from other students, I respectfully ask that your staff look at my view. Dayton has taken an apple from his teacher's desk, a pop from the resource teacher's desk, candies, and just recently has taken a pop from another student, and a juice box from someone else, etc (these items have all been replaced)... Dayton is not learning the lesson your staff is trying to teach. Dayton has a full time aid, who should be sitting with him during the lunch period. I am no longer replacing lunch or other items. If Dayton's lunch period's aid is not able to sit with him, then perhaps it's time I come and sit with Dayton during lunch period myself. There is also another option. There is only another week and a half left of this school year. If the staff is unable to sit with Dayton to ensure he behaves, maybe it's time for his summer break to begin now?
Let me know your thoughts.
Last Thursday, Mrs. D's note in Dayton's agenda asked if it would be possible for me to replace:
M's Kool aid jammer (blue raspberry), Fruit go go strips, and another child's mini crispie chocolate bar.
I'm really not trying to be difficult, but this is becoming difficult for me.
While I can appreciate the effort your staff is making in having Dayton replace items he takes from other students, I respectfully ask that your staff look at my view. Dayton has taken an apple from his teacher's desk, a pop from the resource teacher's desk, candies, and just recently has taken a pop from another student, and a juice box from someone else, etc (these items have all been replaced)... Dayton is not learning the lesson your staff is trying to teach. Dayton has a full time aid, who should be sitting with him during the lunch period. I am no longer replacing lunch or other items. If Dayton's lunch period's aid is not able to sit with him, then perhaps it's time I come and sit with Dayton during lunch period myself. There is also another option. There is only another week and a half left of this school year. If the staff is unable to sit with Dayton to ensure he behaves, maybe it's time for his summer break to begin now?
Let me know your thoughts.
So you see, I've already given the school the option of pulling Dayton out of school, or coming to the school myself. The Principal's reply to me was that she understood my concern and that she would take care of the issue. I was not to worry about it. So this last incident with Dayton accidentally damaging a vehicle, shows me that the aid is slower than a herd of turtles strolling through molasses. That's not the Principal's fault. Yet I am still held accountable as Dayton's momma.
Let's hope this is the last email communication I have with the school:
Hi M,
I've had some time to think and talk about this incident with Dayton after your call to me this afternoon. Dayton has told me that he was not allowed to join his classmates today and had to spend the whole day in the office as a result of what you had told me was an "accident," and you and Mr. J felt that Dayton did not intentionally throw the yo-yo at Mrs. J's car. Dayton agrees with your impression of the incident. Furthermore, Mrs. J approached Dayton in the hallway and told him what he did yesterday wasn't very nice. Dayton tried to explain to her that he didn't do this intentionally and that it was an accident. She told him to not do it again? He is very upset about this interaction with your teacher, and was crying when he greeted me as I walked him home from the bus stop.
I'm very sorry the school year ended this way for Dayton as well as yourself. I wish you the best of luck in your retirement, and hope to see you come back as Dayton's aid. As I've said before, you and I may not agree on everything, but I do respect the way you are with my son. You have a way with Dayton no one else has had, and have him produce work.
In case we don't see each other again, I wish you luck, happiness and health in your future.
Lou
The principal called me minutes from receiving my email, explaining that Dayton was removed from the classroom not for yesterday's incident, but because Dayton and another little guy needed a break from each other. I'm thinking why is it always Dayton being removed from the classroom, why hasn't the other boy been sent out? If there's a problem with one boy, why is Dayton not allowed to speak to the rest of the classroom, but I just can't find the energy to fight. She also tells me how it is not the school's policy for children not to bring toys to school. So I'm thinking again, 'OK, so this is just a policy for Dayton?' Again, I just don't have the energy to argue. I'm in too much pain, my kidney's ready to explode and the more upset I get, the sicker I feel. She assures me Mrs. J did not speak to Dayton, but it really doesn't matter anymore. My son barely ever cries. He's just to selfish and too much of a boy to cry. So when he cries, I know there's a serious problem. There comes a time where I just have to believe what my child says is true. As fantastic as the principal is, she's not God and can't possibly know every detail of everyone's day. Dayton had nothing to gain by telling me his conversation with Mrs. J. He wanted to be comforted by his momma, which again, seldom happens.
So, I went to the bank, pulled out the $50.00 and delivered it to the school. Dayton's things were packed and ready for me to take home, saving me time and patience. Dayton got to see his aid and principal and said his good byes. It was a bitter sweet moment for me, as Dayton hugged his principal and aid, although he was happy not to return to school. Now we can focus on each other, do some school work at home, visit the library and read books he's interested in. I don't have to worry about any damage he may cause for me to be held responsible, or worry about potential incidents because of the unstructured final days of school. Summer's begun!
Hello?? Yes-I will have a super size double shot mocha Valium and Percocet latte to go please!! I need something for the nerves and the pain in my back side, literally. No pun intended, it really is the kidney stone...
Consider yourselves hugged, and maybe say a prayer for my summer's insanity!
Lou
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