Enough Is Enough

Enough.  I've just had enough.  It's easier to build a wall, dig a moat and add alligators and a running stream then it is for the school to care for my child.  As much as I'm going to miss my afternoon naps, my health is declining and I just can't handle anymore.  I've decided to pull Dayton out of school for the rest of the year and keep him safe and happy. 

Perhaps I'm taking the easy way out, but it is only one week of school he's missing, and I think it's the best I can do for my son.  The school obviously has no structure as the end of the school year is fast approaching, and my little man needs structure.  Without structure, Dayton doesn't know what to do with himself.  His assistant has one speed - slow, and Dayton views him as a buddy rather than as an authority figure.  Dayton's aid is super kind and gentle with Dayton, wonderful qualities you very rarely see in a man.  The problem is he has no control over my son.  Dayton is fully in control and in charge of their every move.  He's able to take lunch items from other students, the teacher's desk, the resource teacher's desk, the office staff, etc...  I've replaced them all, and now, due to yesterday's incident (see post titled Ugh!!!  For The Love Of God!!!), I've decided I just can't trust the staff to keep an eye on my babe.

I again received a phone call from the principal, this time giving me the option to either pay the teacher's $200.00 autopac deductible, or pay $50.00 for her friend to fix the dent Dayton accidentally bestowed on her brand new vehicle.  So here I'm thinking "I can not afford your kind of care.  What will Dayton do next that his aid can not put a stop to?"  I just simply can not take the chance of being held responsible for something I can not afford to replace.  Furthermore, I'm not allowed to be at the school every day to ensure Dayton doesn't destroy something, accidentally or intentionally.  So if I'm not there to take care of him, and his aid is not there to ensure everyone's safety, WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CHILD and his behavior?  I'm confused about being confused about confusing things that confuse me!

It's not just that this is costing me money.  It's been the last month of non stop phone calls and notes sent home, telling me Dayton took another child's pop, chocolate bar, the teacher's apple, another child's juice box...  Here's my last response to the school of the last note I got from the teacher, asking me to replace things Dayton took from others:

Good morning Mrs.  A,

Last Thursday, Mrs. D's note in Dayton's agenda asked if it would be possible for me to replace:
M's Kool aid jammer (blue raspberry), Fruit go go strips, and another child's mini crispie chocolate bar. 

I'm really not trying to be difficult, but this is becoming difficult for me.

While I can appreciate the effort your staff is making in having Dayton replace items he takes from other students, I respectfully ask that your staff look at my view.  Dayton has taken an apple from his teacher's desk, a pop from the resource teacher's desk, candies, and just recently has taken a pop from another student, and a juice box from someone else, etc (these items have all been replaced)...  Dayton is not learning the lesson your staff is trying to teach.  Dayton has a full time aid, who should be sitting with him during the lunch period.  I am no longer replacing lunch or other items.  If Dayton's lunch period's aid is not able to sit with him, then perhaps it's time I come and sit with Dayton during lunch period myself.  There is also another option.  There is only another week and a half left of this school year.  If the staff is unable to sit with Dayton to ensure he behaves, maybe it's time for his summer break to begin now? 

Let me know your thoughts.   

Lou

So you see, I've already given the school the option of pulling Dayton out of school, or coming to the school myself.  The Principal's reply to me was that she understood my concern and that she would take care of the issue.  I was not to worry about it.  So this last incident with Dayton accidentally damaging a vehicle, shows me that the aid is slower than a herd of turtles strolling through molasses.  That's not the Principal's fault. Yet I am still held accountable as Dayton's momma.

Let's hope this is the last email communication I have with the school:

Hi M,

I've had some time to think and talk about this incident with Dayton after your call to me this afternoon.  Dayton has told me that he was not allowed to join his classmates today and had to spend the whole day in the office as a result of what you had told me was an "accident," and you and Mr. J felt that Dayton did not intentionally throw the yo-yo at Mrs. J's car.  Dayton agrees with your impression of the incident.  Furthermore, Mrs. J approached Dayton in the hallway and told him what he did yesterday wasn't very nice.  Dayton tried to explain to her that he didn't do this intentionally and that it was an accident.  She told him to not do it again?  He is very upset about this interaction with your teacher, and was crying when he greeted me as I walked him home from the bus stop. 




I'm very sorry the school year ended this way for Dayton as well as yourself.  I wish you the best of luck in your retirement, and hope to see you come back as Dayton's aid.  As I've said before, you and I may not agree on everything, but I do respect the way you are with my son.  You have a way with Dayton no one else has had, and have him produce work.


In case we don't see each other again, I wish you luck, happiness and health in your future. 

Lou


The principal called me minutes from receiving my email, explaining that Dayton was removed from the classroom not for yesterday's incident, but because Dayton and another little guy needed a break from each other.  I'm thinking why is it always Dayton being removed from the classroom, why hasn't the other boy been sent out?  If there's a problem with one boy, why is Dayton not allowed to speak to the rest of the classroom,  but I just can't find the energy to fight.  She also tells me how it is not the school's policy for children not to bring toys to school.  So I'm thinking again, 'OK, so this is just a policy for Dayton?'  Again, I just don't have the energy to argue.  I'm in too much pain, my kidney's ready to explode and the more upset I get, the sicker I feel.  She assures me Mrs. J did not speak to Dayton, but it really doesn't matter anymore.  My son barely ever cries.  He's just to selfish and too much of a boy to cry.  So when he cries, I know there's a serious problem.  There comes a time where I just have to believe what my child says is true.  As fantastic as the principal is, she's not God and can't possibly know every detail of everyone's day.  Dayton had nothing to gain by telling me his conversation with Mrs. J.  He wanted to be comforted by his momma, which again, seldom happens.  

So, I went to the bank, pulled out the $50.00 and delivered it to the school.  Dayton's things were packed and ready for me to take home, saving me time and patience.  Dayton got to see his aid and principal and said his good byes.  It was a bitter sweet moment for me, as Dayton hugged his principal and aid, although he was happy not to return to school.  Now we can focus on each other, do some school work at home, visit the library and read books he's interested in.  I don't have to worry about any damage he may cause for me to be held responsible, or worry about potential incidents because of the unstructured final days of school.  Summer's begun!

Hello??  Yes-I will have a super size double shot mocha Valium and Percocet latte to go please!!  I need something for the nerves and the pain in my back side, literally.  No pun intended, it really is the kidney stone...


Consider yourselves hugged, and maybe say a prayer for my summer's insanity!


Lou