Sunday, 15 April 2012


I am Dayton. 

You may not understand me, or the way I feel today. 
You may not understand my reasoning for things I do or say. 
The reasons why I'm so loud and say things over & over again, 
Why I run so differently or lose my homework every now & then. 

I write my letters backwards and sometimes numbers too, 
and when in a conversation, I'll say "Guess what" 100 times to you. 
Too much noise, light, or excitement can set me in a spin. 
I don't like the way these pants feel rubbing against my skin. 

I try to be good, but sometimes it's hard to control, 
I have to do it, it's an impulse, I don't always do what I'm told. 
Ketchup, Ranch and BBQ sauce on everything I eat, 
sometimes I have days that I just can't sit still in my seat. 

I like to talk a lot even when it's out of turn, 
my mind plays tricks on me and interrupts what I'm trying to learn. 
Sit up straight, wipe my face, and play ever so soft, 
some of these things I have trouble with and I usually lose my train of thought. 

I didn't mean to spill the milk mom, or slam the door so hard, 
everyone else is done with their homework, I don't know where to start? 
My heart's as big as gold, my feelings get hurt too, 
I get sad, cry and have bad days just like you. 

My brain works differently than other girls and boys, 
but one thing always holds true, I can give your life so much joy. 
I get frustrated so easily and my hand won't work that way, 
I don't understand why those other kids won't let me come over and play. 

Please don't think of me any differently or love of me any less, 
I'm just like other kids and trying to do my best. 
I am very special in my own unique way, and every moment with me 
you'll never have a dull day.

I am Dayton, tell your friends about me! 

Consider yourselves hugged, 


Saturday, 14 April 2012

By The Grace Of God, I Survived!!! I'm Alive!!!

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive...  The pain screaming on the left side of my body and the ringing in my left ear, the pins and needles on the left side of my face and the occasional drool out of the corner of the left side of my mouth tell me that I'm alive.

I survived a potentially deadly car crash this past Tuesday morning.  Everything happened in slow motion, I saw it coming, felt the impact and there was nothing I could do other than pray to God to take care of my son.  I thought to myself:  "This is it."  I honestly didn't think I would survive.  

But God has different plans for me.  Either that or He's just not ready for me to sit at His table in His house.  I'll admit, I'm a handful...  Or my prayer was heard and He thought I was the best person to take care of Dayton.  Whatever His reason is, I am a grateful servant.  

Glen seeing the car damage for the first time

Back driver's side door...  where Dayton would have sat...

The passenger side door...  I must have blacked out here, because I don't remember how this happened; not that takes TALENT!

As faithful as I am to bringing awareness to autism (by the way, did you know the whole month of April is AUTISM AWARENESS month?  That's why you'll be seeing more autism related poems this month on Autism Diva Help.), my mind was NOT on autism...  

A parent with a child on the autism spectrum pretty much lives, breathes, eats, digests, drinks and sleeps autism.  We read books on the subject, go to coffee with other parents of children on the autism spectrum for support, check out facebook autism pages, research autism on the internet, look for autism news, head to doctor and specialist appointments, school meetings and behavioural or psychologist appointments, wait in pharmacies for our kid's prescriptions, etc...  We learn a whole new vocabulary relating to autism behaviour, therapy and diets, etc...  We really are in a different world from the average parent.  

This last Tuesday morning, just before 9:30am, the very last thing on my mind was autism. I know, right?  Hard to believe the Diva strayed from her obsession!  

My mind was on Dayton.  Not Dayton with autism, not Dayton with OCD, not Dayton with ADHD, not Dayton's global delays and his IEP or ODD, his wait watch and wonder therapy, his child psychologist appointment this coming week, or his latest report card showing black on white just how far behind he is from the rest of his grade 4 class...  My mind was simply on Dayton, my beloved son.  Dayton, the air I breathe, the beautiful sunshine in my life, Dayton who saved my life a few times already in his short life.  Dayton, the reason I get up every morning, Dayton, the reason I'm alive.  His smile, his eyes, his sense of humour, his dimpled cheek...  I love him so much!!!

Autism or no autism, I cherish my son.  I can not imagine my life without him.  

The car accident literally knocked me out.  When I came to, all I thought was Dayton.  And panic ceased my body and mind, and I screamed out his name, thinking he should have been sitting in the car with me.  I screamed at the paramedics to find my son, shoved at the fire men trying to rescue me from my car (they had to cut my driver's side door open to get me out), until someone asked me if Dayton could possibly be in school???  

Yes, yes, I remember him taking the school bus and waving an embarrassed good bye to me...  You know the one where he's trying to please me, but not wanting his friends to see him love his mom, because that's just NOT cool.  

OK, fine.  The Diva lost her mind temporarily, that's not the first time and it certainly won't be the last.  Knowing my babe was safe, I allowed the firemen to ease my body out of the vehicle, put the stupid neck brace on after lying my body on their uncomfortable board to ensure my spine was aligned and then off to the hospital.  

I kept asking the fireman who calmed me down at the accident to call Glen or call Dayton's school to make sure Dayton was there and safe, and to get Glen to call someone to pick Dayton up from school in case I wasn't home on time.  Finally, my rescuer called Glen, and I could relax...  Dayton would be taken care of and I could just relax my body.  What a huge mistake that was...  That's when the pain really hit me...  But it was all right, as long as I got to see my babe again, I would take all the pain in the world.  

I haven't stopped cuddling with my son.  I don't care how much he doesn't like to be touched or hugged, I'm not letting go.  I'm loving my son, and no one can stop me, not even Autism.  

Consider yourselves hugged,


Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Before I Go To Sleep

Before I Go To Sleep… 

Mommy, don't you cry now and Daddy don't you weep. 
I want to whisper something before I go to sleep. 

I know that when I cam here I looked perfect in every way. 
And you were so proud, Daddy; when you held me on that day. 
And Mommy, when you kissed me and wrapped me up so tight, 
I knew that I belonged here and everything was right. 
But then I stopped talking and began to slip away, 
I saw your worried faces as you knelt by me to pray. 
And Daddy, I always notice how you wipe away a tear, 
When you watch the other children as they run and laugh and cheer. 
I may not be able to tell you how much I love you so, 
Or even show you how I feel and what I really know. 
But when you hold me, Mommy, at night when all is still, 
I feel the love you have for me and I know that all is well. 
And Daddy, when you take me to the park to run and play 
I know that you still love me thought the words I cannot say. 
I want to tell you something before I go to sleep. 
I may be sort of dirrect and you may not understand, 
I know that I am not that little hild that you and Daddy planned. 
But I love you both so very much and I know you love me too, 
And if I could only speak my heart, you would feel my love for you. 
I know the future is unknown and you will always have to be, 
The ones who love and listen and take good care of me. 
I know that you are frightened and you shed so many tears, 

And if I could I'd wipe them dry and take away your fears. 
So Mommy, don't you cry now and Daddy please don't weep. 
I want to say…I love you both, before I go to sleep. 

Found this on the internet and had to share...  It is after all, Autism Awareness Month.  

I'm Dayton, I'm cool, tell your friends about me!