By The Grace Of God, I Survived!!! I'm Alive!!!

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive...  The pain screaming on the left side of my body and the ringing in my left ear, the pins and needles on the left side of my face and the occasional drool out of the corner of the left side of my mouth tell me that I'm alive.

I survived a potentially deadly car crash this past Tuesday morning.  Everything happened in slow motion, I saw it coming, felt the impact and there was nothing I could do other than pray to God to take care of my son.  I thought to myself:  "This is it."  I honestly didn't think I would survive.  

But God has different plans for me.  Either that or He's just not ready for me to sit at His table in His house.  I'll admit, I'm a handful...  Or my prayer was heard and He thought I was the best person to take care of Dayton.  Whatever His reason is, I am a grateful servant.  

Glen seeing the car damage for the first time

Back driver's side door...  where Dayton would have sat...

The passenger side door...  I must have blacked out here, because I don't remember how this happened; not that takes TALENT!

Oh, and I made the news...  http://winnipeg.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20120410/wpg_broadway_sherbrook_crash_120410/20120410/?hub=WinnipegHome

As faithful as I am to bringing awareness to autism (by the way, did you know the whole month of April is AUTISM AWARENESS month?  That's why you'll be seeing more autism related poems this month on Autism Diva Help.), my mind was NOT on autism...  

A parent with a child on the autism spectrum pretty much lives, breathes, eats, digests, drinks and sleeps autism.  We read books on the subject, go to coffee with other parents of children on the autism spectrum for support, check out facebook autism pages, research autism on the internet, look for autism news, head to doctor and specialist appointments, school meetings and behavioural or psychologist appointments, wait in pharmacies for our kid's prescriptions, etc...  We learn a whole new vocabulary relating to autism behaviour, therapy and diets, etc...  We really are in a different world from the average parent.  

This last Tuesday morning, just before 9:30am, the very last thing on my mind was autism. I know, right?  Hard to believe the Diva strayed from her obsession!  

My mind was on Dayton.  Not Dayton with autism, not Dayton with OCD, not Dayton with ADHD, not Dayton's global delays and his IEP or ODD, his wait watch and wonder therapy, his child psychologist appointment this coming week, or his latest report card showing black on white just how far behind he is from the rest of his grade 4 class...  My mind was simply on Dayton, my beloved son.  Dayton, the air I breathe, the beautiful sunshine in my life, Dayton who saved my life a few times already in his short life.  Dayton, the reason I get up every morning, Dayton, the reason I'm alive.  His smile, his eyes, his sense of humour, his dimpled cheek...  I love him so much!!!

Autism or no autism, I cherish my son.  I can not imagine my life without him.  

The car accident literally knocked me out.  When I came to, all I thought was Dayton.  And panic ceased my body and mind, and I screamed out his name, thinking he should have been sitting in the car with me.  I screamed at the paramedics to find my son, shoved at the fire men trying to rescue me from my car (they had to cut my driver's side door open to get me out), until someone asked me if Dayton could possibly be in school???  

Yes, yes, I remember him taking the school bus and waving an embarrassed good bye to me...  You know the one where he's trying to please me, but not wanting his friends to see him love his mom, because that's just NOT cool.  

OK, fine.  The Diva lost her mind temporarily, that's not the first time and it certainly won't be the last.  Knowing my babe was safe, I allowed the firemen to ease my body out of the vehicle, put the stupid neck brace on after lying my body on their uncomfortable board to ensure my spine was aligned and then off to the hospital.  

I kept asking the fireman who calmed me down at the accident to call Glen or call Dayton's school to make sure Dayton was there and safe, and to get Glen to call someone to pick Dayton up from school in case I wasn't home on time.  Finally, my rescuer called Glen, and I could relax...  Dayton would be taken care of and I could just relax my body.  What a huge mistake that was...  That's when the pain really hit me...  But it was all right, as long as I got to see my babe again, I would take all the pain in the world.  

I haven't stopped cuddling with my son.  I don't care how much he doesn't like to be touched or hugged, I'm not letting go.  I'm loving my son, and no one can stop me, not even Autism.  

Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

What Do You Do All Day?!

I stole this from a friend of mine who posted this little skit on facebook.  It made me laugh and totally reminded me of my life, in the current state it is in...

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.   The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.   In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a Cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.   In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
  

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.   He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.   As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.   He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'   She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?'   'Yes,' was his incredulous reply.   She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.' 

Why does this remind me of my life?  Well, maybe this couple had a child with autism?  Sounds like my house, for sure!

It just seems to me that since I've been off work, my life's been actually busier than it has been while working.  All the appointments that I've had, the advocating for Dayton in his school and with CFS on board advocating beside me, I've just earned two additional appointments a week, not including the behavior specialist and CSS worker appointments or Dayton's child psychiatrist appointments which take place once a month.  Check my post on How Autism Changes One's Life for more info on just how many appointments happen for a family with an autism diagnosis...  Then I get home in time to pick Dayton up from the school bus, and he wants to play outside.  I can not leave him unattended for even a second, which means I'm out there with him.  By the time Glen comes by after work, I feel super guilty because he's worked all day, and now he has to make supper.  On the odd occasion, I'm able to BBQ something and convince Dayton to play by the patio so I can make supper and still keep an eye on him and his friends.  

There are days where I feel like I need to take a day off.  I just feel overwhelmed.  I wish I could lay in bed all day and let Dayton do as he pleases, but that's just not possible.  I have however taken advantage of the sofa and my kindle, allowing him to watch TV or play a couple (or a few more, or a lot more) video games so I can "catch a break" and read.  Naturally, Since I got myself my kindle, I've downloaded 11 books on education or autism...  so, even reading, I'm not really "catching that break."  Let's not even begin to say how much time I spend blogging.  It's as though I've replaced my passion for curriculum work with blogging, LOL.  I just can't seem to settle down.  Then I wonder what Dayton's problem is...  Poor kid never stood a chance between Glen's and my own genes.


There are days (most days) where my home looks like someone broke in but didn't find anything worth stealing.  I do try to keep up with it all, but it seems as possible as shoveling snow during a snow storm.  There's always someone behind me "helping" me not be bored while they're away during the day.  While I appreciate their concern for my boredom, I wish they would be less concerned with my boredom and more concerned with their own.


And then Glen arrives, looks around and asks "so, ummm, what did you do all day?"

At the end of the day,  I'm just grateful for the little things in life: medication, naps, and multiple personalities to help deal with it all.   

And on this note, I bid you a farewell for the long weekend my friends.  I'm going camping ;)
Wendy promised to take care of you all for the weekend, and I promise to have more to write on Monday.  Let's hope I have some interesting topics waiting for me in my email box, so email me with a request on the topic you would like me to discuss.
autism.diva.help@gmail.com


 Consider yourselves hugged,




Lou