This story was enough to make me want to puke... Make sure you read it before you continue reading...
http://news.yahoo.com/school-accused-putting-autistic-student-bag-182229844.html
I get so riled up when I hear of children with disabilities being treated like animals. If it's not ok to do to a neurological child, then what on earth makes someone think that it's acceptable to do this to a disabled child? What happened to the saying "You catch more bees with honey than vinegar?" If a child is being difficult, what on earth makes you think that abusing the child will make him or her "change their mind?"
When has treating people like dirt helped anyone?! What is wrong with today's society? Like parents don't have to deal with enough crap when they're out and about. I'm no stranger to being treated and having my son treated horribly. But the day I walk into a school and find my boy zipped up in a duffel bag, is the day I go postal on that school.
I'm pretty sure I would end up throwing the aid into the gym bag and roll them down the hallway at high speed to knock down my bowling pins. The principal would be rolled into a duffel bag of his own and used as a soccer ball for the 5th grade class, and the teacher... I'd make her choke on her apple.
So we all believe that Hitler was this bad, bad dude who killed millions of jews, right? What makes our society ANY different if we're going to sit here and allow this type of treatment of our special needs children?! We are in the process of eliminating a race of people who think differently by tolerating this type of behaviour. Holly crap! And the killer of this is that there are no consequences for the school's behaviour! Who's Hitler now people? We're just as responsible for knowing it's happening and doing nothing about it!
Can you imagine what would happen if a parent did this to their child? You'd better believe we'd be arrested for child abuse, thrown in jail and they'd throw away the key. But a school... a school can treat your child any way they want?! They have more rights to your child than you do as their parent?! What the...
What are your thoughts on this?
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Showing posts with label elementary school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label elementary school. Show all posts
Saturday, 7 January 2012
Wednesday, 29 June 2011
Structure, Structure, And Structure Some More
As I've said on my previous post, I have decided to keep Dayton home for the rest of the school year (don't be saying "oh my God!" We're pretty much at the end of the school year, it's really not that big of a deal.) I've decided to keep Dayton home because of the lack of structure at the end of the school year all schools go through, not just the school Dayton attends.
The last two weeks of school are usually the toughest for kids on the autism spectrum. Well meaning teachers, principals and school divisions look at the last week or two of the school year as a time for celebrating the end of the year by treating the kids to a break so to speak. Lots of free play time, movie time, entertainment, etc... Everyone in the building, adults and children alike, are excited about the coming of summer break, and focus is not high on the priority list. Unfortunately, for children on the autism spectrum, or kids with ADHD, ADD, ODD, OCD, etc.., this time of excitement is even more crucial for them to have their aid persistently present, their day structured ever more diligently, and their teachers on the ball at all times as they can sense everyone's excitement. Like other children, they too want to celebrate, the problem is that when their routine get broken, they may not know what to do with themselves. Dayton does not read social cues well, and his speech is delayed. Communicating his 'feelings' is a struggle for him. When he can't communicate what it is that he wants, doesn't recognize social cues or facial expressions, it's as though his primal brain takes over and he can not control his impulses. Having structure in Dayton's day is crucial.
Ever hear of the saying: "Too much good can be a bad thing?" Very much true in Dayton's case. While he enjoys free play as much as any other kid, the free play itself needs to be structured and designed in a way he can handle. I can't just take this little guy out to the park and set him loose. That would be sheer heaven! When he plays outside, I must schedule things with him and have his input.
"So we're going to go to the swings first, right momma?"
"Yes babe, always the swings first. What would you like to do next?"
"Down the slide."
"OK, we'll use the slide after the swings, sounds good buddy. And then what would you like to do?"
"Feed the birds."
"OK, so we're gonna hit the swings, hit the slide, then go see the birds. What's after that?"
"Mamma, we don't hit the swings, we swing on them, and we don't hit the slide, we slide down them. And I don't want to see the birds, I want to FEED the birds!!!"
Damn it! I used an euphemism. Well done mom. "I'm sorry Dayton, you're right." I just don't have the heart to try to teach him another euphemism today as he gets so frustrated when trying to make it make sense for himself. A lesson for another day.
Free play at our home's playground with his buddies needs to be supervised and structured. I love the bayblades! There are rules to follow, spinning objects, and a way to behave during the game (Pull the cord, wait and watch. No hands allowed to stop the spinning tops, and most kids with autism love spinning objects).
Another game with rules that Dayton loves is croquet. This is a game that I can play with him and his friends, the more the merrier and his friends and foes love it when I break out the croquet (which Dayton is not able to pronounce correctly... He calls it cocaine. I just pray he doesn't go to school and tell them all he played cocaine with his mamma). Croquet is so much fun! Huge hammers with big balls and a track to conquer. We also enjoy a good game of bean bag toss (haven't got a clue what it's really called, it's the game with two wooden planks with three holes in it, each team throws the bean bags into the holes to score and win the game). Bocci Ball is another favorite of mine, not so much of Dayton's, but he will play it. Again, rules to follow this game too. Pick a color of ball you want to represent you, then try to throw your balls to the little white ball. Closest to the white ball or the one who hits the white ball wins!
Not only are these games fun, but Dayton is now forced to interact with other children, giving him more opportunity to practice his social skills. He must wait his turn, and when playing the bean bag toss, Dayton has to play as part of a 'team.' Huge benefits for both of us! Games with structure and rules provide Dayton with the opportunity to have a little fun and knowing the rules and expectations of the game keeps him nice and calm. Until, that is, someone breaks the rules... Which is why big mamma is always present, at arm's (or croquet hammer, I'm no dummy) length or less away.
Consider yourselves hugged!!!
Lou
The last two weeks of school are usually the toughest for kids on the autism spectrum. Well meaning teachers, principals and school divisions look at the last week or two of the school year as a time for celebrating the end of the year by treating the kids to a break so to speak. Lots of free play time, movie time, entertainment, etc... Everyone in the building, adults and children alike, are excited about the coming of summer break, and focus is not high on the priority list. Unfortunately, for children on the autism spectrum, or kids with ADHD, ADD, ODD, OCD, etc.., this time of excitement is even more crucial for them to have their aid persistently present, their day structured ever more diligently, and their teachers on the ball at all times as they can sense everyone's excitement. Like other children, they too want to celebrate, the problem is that when their routine get broken, they may not know what to do with themselves. Dayton does not read social cues well, and his speech is delayed. Communicating his 'feelings' is a struggle for him. When he can't communicate what it is that he wants, doesn't recognize social cues or facial expressions, it's as though his primal brain takes over and he can not control his impulses. Having structure in Dayton's day is crucial.
Ever hear of the saying: "Too much good can be a bad thing?" Very much true in Dayton's case. While he enjoys free play as much as any other kid, the free play itself needs to be structured and designed in a way he can handle. I can't just take this little guy out to the park and set him loose. That would be sheer heaven! When he plays outside, I must schedule things with him and have his input.
"So we're going to go to the swings first, right momma?"
"Yes babe, always the swings first. What would you like to do next?"
"Down the slide."
"OK, we'll use the slide after the swings, sounds good buddy. And then what would you like to do?"
"Feed the birds."
"OK, so we're gonna hit the swings, hit the slide, then go see the birds. What's after that?"
"Mamma, we don't hit the swings, we swing on them, and we don't hit the slide, we slide down them. And I don't want to see the birds, I want to FEED the birds!!!"
Damn it! I used an euphemism. Well done mom. "I'm sorry Dayton, you're right." I just don't have the heart to try to teach him another euphemism today as he gets so frustrated when trying to make it make sense for himself. A lesson for another day.
Free play at our home's playground with his buddies needs to be supervised and structured. I love the bayblades! There are rules to follow, spinning objects, and a way to behave during the game (Pull the cord, wait and watch. No hands allowed to stop the spinning tops, and most kids with autism love spinning objects).
Another game with rules that Dayton loves is croquet. This is a game that I can play with him and his friends, the more the merrier and his friends and foes love it when I break out the croquet (which Dayton is not able to pronounce correctly... He calls it cocaine. I just pray he doesn't go to school and tell them all he played cocaine with his mamma). Croquet is so much fun! Huge hammers with big balls and a track to conquer. We also enjoy a good game of bean bag toss (haven't got a clue what it's really called, it's the game with two wooden planks with three holes in it, each team throws the bean bags into the holes to score and win the game). Bocci Ball is another favorite of mine, not so much of Dayton's, but he will play it. Again, rules to follow this game too. Pick a color of ball you want to represent you, then try to throw your balls to the little white ball. Closest to the white ball or the one who hits the white ball wins!
Not only are these games fun, but Dayton is now forced to interact with other children, giving him more opportunity to practice his social skills. He must wait his turn, and when playing the bean bag toss, Dayton has to play as part of a 'team.' Huge benefits for both of us! Games with structure and rules provide Dayton with the opportunity to have a little fun and knowing the rules and expectations of the game keeps him nice and calm. Until, that is, someone breaks the rules... Which is why big mamma is always present, at arm's (or croquet hammer, I'm no dummy) length or less away.
Consider yourselves hugged!!!
Lou
Thursday, 23 June 2011
Ugh!!! For The Love Of God!!!
So, yeah... crappy day. I got an email from the principal about Dayton's behavior at recess... which was not good... another accident... I'm ready to just pull him out of school... but feeling if I do, I'm the worst parent ever... but I can't stand it anymore, and I'm so ready for summer break... are we there yet?! Nope, one more week to go... I just want to curl up in a fetal position and cry or sit in a chair facing the corner, rocking back and forth while I suck on my thumb, mumbling about how much I love my life. Perhaps what I really need is a melt down of my own.
It seems a little girl brought a yo-yo to school. During recess, she played with it and it broke. Dayton picked up a broken piece of the yo-yo and threw it over the fence onto the street. Of course it doesn't end there. The piece of yo-yo he threw, bounced off a... wait for it... A TEACHER'S BRAND NEW CAR. That's right. Of course, since I have a horse shoe stuck up my butt, it doesn't end there either. There is a ding in the car. Naturally, since it is a brand new car, the teacher is rightfully upset, and is going to autopac to place a claim.
The principal doesn't believe Dayton did this maliciously or intentionally. God bless her. Maybe she's just happy that she's retiring and won't have to deal with this any more, or maybe she really thinks he didn't do this on purpose. Either way, I'm at a loss as to what to do with Dayton.
When I read the email, I immediately called the school and asked to speak with the principal. She told me his aid was standing right beside him when Dayton threw the piece of yo-yo at the car. "He was just so fast! But Lou, he feels remorse. He's writing a letter of apology."
I'm seriously debating whether or not I should either pull Dayton out of school, or show up to school with him. I figure if I go to school with him, I'd bring my camping chair and book and sit outside the classroom. Maybe if Dayton knows I'm there, he'll keep his impulses under check? I don't want to interfere with the classroom, but during breaks, I'd be right beside him, holding his hand? But this would be embarrassing to him, wouldn't it? It would not send the right message to his peers, would it? Not to mention my own health. My kidney stone, I found out today, measures 6 ml in diameter. I couldn't run after the little monkey, and he knows it!
Talking to Dayton, he swears it was an accident. "I didn't aim for the car momma..."
"What were you thinking?!"
"I'm not allowed to bring toys to school."
"So what?!?!"
"She shouldn't have brought her toy to school."
Oh for the love of God!!! What am I supposed to say to that?
"Dayton, when you bring a toy to school, you play with it all day, and refuse to do anything else."
"I wanna do what the rest of them do."
"I'm sure there are other kids who don't bring toys to school."
"Na-ahhh. I'm the only one."
"Dayton, it is my rule then that you shouldn't bring toys to school."
"Then you should tell everyone else to keep their toys at home too."
"What about the pop you took from another student?"
"Buy me pop and I'll stop."
"No Dayton. You know how hyper you get when you drink pop. That's why I don't buy you pop."
"Then tell the other kids not to bring pop to school."
"Dayton, I can't talk to the rest of the students and tell them what they can and can not bring to school."
"Why?"
"Cause I'm not the principal."
"Why?"
"If other kids jumped off a bridge, would you follow them?"
"Which bridge?"
"It was a metaphor Dayton."
"What's a metaphor?"
Ugh... Shoot me now. "It's an expression Dayton,"
"You should be the principal."
And now I'm laughing, and laughing hard. I think he'd start to hate me if I became his principal. The school would be on lock down at all times.
I feel for the little guy. He sees others bringing their toys, pop and chocolate bars, something Dayton's not allowed to have. The school has told me not to allow Dayton to bring toys to school, so if there are other kids bringing them, he feels he's being wronged. And he is. But how is the school supposed to deal with his obsession over the toy he brings? He can't focus on anything but his toy, so what are we to do? School policy is to leave toys at home, but it really isn't being enforced if his classmates are playing with bayblades during recess. Bayblades they brought from home. He wants to bring his bayblade to school, but I always told him not to. Other kids bring their iPods or MP3 players to school, but Dayton's not allowed to. But what can I do? Demand change in a school I have been persona non gratta in? What can I do???
Ugh... If my hair wasn't so damn light, I'd be pulling my hear out, but what's that going to accomplish?
What to do, what to do, what to do, what to do... Did I say what to do?
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
It seems a little girl brought a yo-yo to school. During recess, she played with it and it broke. Dayton picked up a broken piece of the yo-yo and threw it over the fence onto the street. Of course it doesn't end there. The piece of yo-yo he threw, bounced off a... wait for it... A TEACHER'S BRAND NEW CAR. That's right. Of course, since I have a horse shoe stuck up my butt, it doesn't end there either. There is a ding in the car. Naturally, since it is a brand new car, the teacher is rightfully upset, and is going to autopac to place a claim.
The principal doesn't believe Dayton did this maliciously or intentionally. God bless her. Maybe she's just happy that she's retiring and won't have to deal with this any more, or maybe she really thinks he didn't do this on purpose. Either way, I'm at a loss as to what to do with Dayton.
When I read the email, I immediately called the school and asked to speak with the principal. She told me his aid was standing right beside him when Dayton threw the piece of yo-yo at the car. "He was just so fast! But Lou, he feels remorse. He's writing a letter of apology."
I'm seriously debating whether or not I should either pull Dayton out of school, or show up to school with him. I figure if I go to school with him, I'd bring my camping chair and book and sit outside the classroom. Maybe if Dayton knows I'm there, he'll keep his impulses under check? I don't want to interfere with the classroom, but during breaks, I'd be right beside him, holding his hand? But this would be embarrassing to him, wouldn't it? It would not send the right message to his peers, would it? Not to mention my own health. My kidney stone, I found out today, measures 6 ml in diameter. I couldn't run after the little monkey, and he knows it!
Talking to Dayton, he swears it was an accident. "I didn't aim for the car momma..."
"What were you thinking?!"
"I'm not allowed to bring toys to school."
"So what?!?!"
"She shouldn't have brought her toy to school."
Oh for the love of God!!! What am I supposed to say to that?
"Dayton, when you bring a toy to school, you play with it all day, and refuse to do anything else."
"I wanna do what the rest of them do."
"I'm sure there are other kids who don't bring toys to school."
"Na-ahhh. I'm the only one."
"Dayton, it is my rule then that you shouldn't bring toys to school."
"Then you should tell everyone else to keep their toys at home too."
"What about the pop you took from another student?"
"Buy me pop and I'll stop."
"No Dayton. You know how hyper you get when you drink pop. That's why I don't buy you pop."
"Then tell the other kids not to bring pop to school."
"Dayton, I can't talk to the rest of the students and tell them what they can and can not bring to school."
"Why?"
"Cause I'm not the principal."
"Why?"
"If other kids jumped off a bridge, would you follow them?"
"Which bridge?"
"It was a metaphor Dayton."
"What's a metaphor?"
Ugh... Shoot me now. "It's an expression Dayton,"
"You should be the principal."
And now I'm laughing, and laughing hard. I think he'd start to hate me if I became his principal. The school would be on lock down at all times.
I feel for the little guy. He sees others bringing their toys, pop and chocolate bars, something Dayton's not allowed to have. The school has told me not to allow Dayton to bring toys to school, so if there are other kids bringing them, he feels he's being wronged. And he is. But how is the school supposed to deal with his obsession over the toy he brings? He can't focus on anything but his toy, so what are we to do? School policy is to leave toys at home, but it really isn't being enforced if his classmates are playing with bayblades during recess. Bayblades they brought from home. He wants to bring his bayblade to school, but I always told him not to. Other kids bring their iPods or MP3 players to school, but Dayton's not allowed to. But what can I do? Demand change in a school I have been persona non gratta in? What can I do???
Ugh... If my hair wasn't so damn light, I'd be pulling my hear out, but what's that going to accomplish?
What to do, what to do, what to do, what to do... Did I say what to do?
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
I've Got a Bone To Pick With You
I'd like to thank all the wonderful people who messaged me on facebook and emailed me for their concern for my health as well as all the followers who have emailed me telling me they missed my blogging. I'm beginning to feel half human again, although still very tired. I will have my ultrasound for my kidneys tomorrow and see where that leads me... Thanks again for your get well wishes, and for letting me know I have been missed!
Yes... It appears Dayton 'passion' for guns after his little chit chat with the police seems to have curbed his appetite for the pretend play of weapons. His new passion? Bone books.
I know, a little pricey to get the whole complete set, but Dayton's the type that if he's going to have one book that comes of a set, he must have all of them... That's where his OCD kicks into overdrive. Also, he's impatient, and unfortunately for me, we have a freaking postal strike. Not wanting to take any chances, I hit our closest Chapters and bought the complete set, along with the prequel and sequel to the nine books for a whopping $145.00. I know, you think I'm nuts, but for those of you with a child on the spectrum who struggles with reading, you can understand that as a parent, you would do whatever it takes and spend whatever the amount of money to encourage your child to read. The best thing about these books is that they're like a comic book, so Dayton gets the visual pictures of what's happening, the wording is in bubbles above the speaker, showing Dayton who is speaking, and he sees the words.
He picked up his first Bone book at the school library, so if they carry it at the school, there should be no issues over how appropriate it is for him to read these books, at least one can hope.
Another passion that's surfaced... Bayblades. Oh yes... It seems those things are back, and there's other children where we live that love the Bayblading as well. That's awesome. Before I knew it, Dayton sat outside in a circle of five other children like a catnip crazed cat, without arguing, or using his hands, remembering to use his words and played with FIVE children. Dayton's max number of kids he can play with at a given time seems to run at about two.
Even though he came in third place, he didn't end up having a meltdown. Needless to say, I am thrilled!!!
One more week and a half, and school will officially be over, with summer break ahead. I can hardly wait. While school life has improved with my little guy, I really look forward to not having to feel on pins and needles all day, and never having to let go of my cell phone, just in case. I look forward to no more phone calls from the school, no more threats of suspension, no more early pick ups and being able to relax. I'm thinking of drowning my phone in the swimming pool...
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Yes... It appears Dayton 'passion' for guns after his little chit chat with the police seems to have curbed his appetite for the pretend play of weapons. His new passion? Bone books.
I know, a little pricey to get the whole complete set, but Dayton's the type that if he's going to have one book that comes of a set, he must have all of them... That's where his OCD kicks into overdrive. Also, he's impatient, and unfortunately for me, we have a freaking postal strike. Not wanting to take any chances, I hit our closest Chapters and bought the complete set, along with the prequel and sequel to the nine books for a whopping $145.00. I know, you think I'm nuts, but for those of you with a child on the spectrum who struggles with reading, you can understand that as a parent, you would do whatever it takes and spend whatever the amount of money to encourage your child to read. The best thing about these books is that they're like a comic book, so Dayton gets the visual pictures of what's happening, the wording is in bubbles above the speaker, showing Dayton who is speaking, and he sees the words.
He picked up his first Bone book at the school library, so if they carry it at the school, there should be no issues over how appropriate it is for him to read these books, at least one can hope.
Another passion that's surfaced... Bayblades. Oh yes... It seems those things are back, and there's other children where we live that love the Bayblading as well. That's awesome. Before I knew it, Dayton sat outside in a circle of five other children like a catnip crazed cat, without arguing, or using his hands, remembering to use his words and played with FIVE children. Dayton's max number of kids he can play with at a given time seems to run at about two.
Even though he came in third place, he didn't end up having a meltdown. Needless to say, I am thrilled!!!
One more week and a half, and school will officially be over, with summer break ahead. I can hardly wait. While school life has improved with my little guy, I really look forward to not having to feel on pins and needles all day, and never having to let go of my cell phone, just in case. I look forward to no more phone calls from the school, no more threats of suspension, no more early pick ups and being able to relax. I'm thinking of drowning my phone in the swimming pool...
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
Accusations And Hate E-mail
Awwwww, shucks.
It appears I've ruffled a few feathers out there. I seemed to have raised some controversy, and made a couple of people a little "uncomfortable." Believe me, I don't take this lightly, as I am a people pleaser, constantly bending over to make people comfortable and desperately wanting to be liked by everyone involved in Dayton's care. So, hearing that there are people out there that don't like what I have to say does hurt, but I have to keep my focus on what's most important at heart. This really, really sucks!
Being accused of not having respect for people, their positions in organizations, their work, etc. is disturbing to me. I have a lot of respect for Dayton's teachers, his principal and especially his resource teacher. Dayton's guidance counselor and I have a major personality clash, but in saying this, I respect her position with the school. Do I agree with every view these women have? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! But there is a major difference between 'disagreement' and 'disrespect.'
I have never spit in any one's face, kicked them in their shins, publicly humiliated or threatened them in a personal or professional way. Dayton does this on his own when he's treated with little respect. In saying this, I do not appreciate or respect people or organizations that are working for their own gratification, for recognition or helping our children only if it helps their political ambitions. What do politics have to do with our children's disabilities? Your own political agendas and your ambition for recognition does nothing for our children, or for me, so please spare me your hate E-mail. I have bigger and better things to worry about. When those of you worried about lining your own pockets make our children's education a priority, I will show you respect. Look at my son's face. Does this look like you have our children's education and safety in mind?
This happened during school recess, with a full time aid, two weeks ago. The school staff told me Dayton "fell off the swing," while Dayton tells me he was "pushed off" the swing. Somewhere in the middle lies the truth. Either way, I'm not impressed. When I picked Dayton up from school, blood was coming out of his mouth and face. The white of his right eye was an angry red, and I feared for his eye. Driving like a maniac to the nearest hospital, my son was speechless. I was told by the nurse that Dayton was in pain and in shock, which is why he wasn't speaking, something common among children on the spectrum. Dayton didn't speak for two days.
For those of you thinking I have no respect for you, look at my baby's face one more time. Ask yourself "if this was my child, what would I think?" Then put yourself in my shoes. Do I blame the principal? No. Do I blame the resource teacher? No. Do I blame the guidance counselor? No. Who then do I blame? The Manitoba government for not educating our educators and aids. That's who I blame.
When Dayton is playing in our back yard, I'm right there with him. When he plays on the play ground, I'm outside on my camping chair with him. When he goes swimming, I'm in the swimming pool with him. I don't do this because I can't bear the thought of not seeing him 24/7. I do this because when Dayton gets an idea, he follows through with that idea, without thought of the danger it poses to him or others. It's called AUTISM. I know my son looks good, he gets his good looks from me. But even though he's the handsomest little man I've met in my life, he has AUTISM. This means I can not leave him unattended. He needs care every single second of the day. Our schools do their best with the funding they receive and within the parameters they've been given, parameters and funding given by the Manitoba government. So, my problem is with the government, not you personally. Just because I don't agree with your views of removing God from our classrooms, does not mean I don't respect you. The minute you're more concerned with your own agenda and acknowledgement than our children's education, is the instant I lose respect for you.
I hope I've made my stand clear. This is Canada. We have freedom of speech here, do we not? You don't like my blog, don't read it. No one is forcing you to. Be assured, you will not silence me, no matter how many hate E-mails you send me. I will continue to fight for our children's education, they are OUR future!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
It appears I've ruffled a few feathers out there. I seemed to have raised some controversy, and made a couple of people a little "uncomfortable." Believe me, I don't take this lightly, as I am a people pleaser, constantly bending over to make people comfortable and desperately wanting to be liked by everyone involved in Dayton's care. So, hearing that there are people out there that don't like what I have to say does hurt, but I have to keep my focus on what's most important at heart. This really, really sucks!
Being accused of not having respect for people, their positions in organizations, their work, etc. is disturbing to me. I have a lot of respect for Dayton's teachers, his principal and especially his resource teacher. Dayton's guidance counselor and I have a major personality clash, but in saying this, I respect her position with the school. Do I agree with every view these women have? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! But there is a major difference between 'disagreement' and 'disrespect.'
I have never spit in any one's face, kicked them in their shins, publicly humiliated or threatened them in a personal or professional way. Dayton does this on his own when he's treated with little respect. In saying this, I do not appreciate or respect people or organizations that are working for their own gratification, for recognition or helping our children only if it helps their political ambitions. What do politics have to do with our children's disabilities? Your own political agendas and your ambition for recognition does nothing for our children, or for me, so please spare me your hate E-mail. I have bigger and better things to worry about. When those of you worried about lining your own pockets make our children's education a priority, I will show you respect. Look at my son's face. Does this look like you have our children's education and safety in mind?
This happened during school recess, with a full time aid, two weeks ago. The school staff told me Dayton "fell off the swing," while Dayton tells me he was "pushed off" the swing. Somewhere in the middle lies the truth. Either way, I'm not impressed. When I picked Dayton up from school, blood was coming out of his mouth and face. The white of his right eye was an angry red, and I feared for his eye. Driving like a maniac to the nearest hospital, my son was speechless. I was told by the nurse that Dayton was in pain and in shock, which is why he wasn't speaking, something common among children on the spectrum. Dayton didn't speak for two days.
For those of you thinking I have no respect for you, look at my baby's face one more time. Ask yourself "if this was my child, what would I think?" Then put yourself in my shoes. Do I blame the principal? No. Do I blame the resource teacher? No. Do I blame the guidance counselor? No. Who then do I blame? The Manitoba government for not educating our educators and aids. That's who I blame.
When Dayton is playing in our back yard, I'm right there with him. When he plays on the play ground, I'm outside on my camping chair with him. When he goes swimming, I'm in the swimming pool with him. I don't do this because I can't bear the thought of not seeing him 24/7. I do this because when Dayton gets an idea, he follows through with that idea, without thought of the danger it poses to him or others. It's called AUTISM. I know my son looks good, he gets his good looks from me. But even though he's the handsomest little man I've met in my life, he has AUTISM. This means I can not leave him unattended. He needs care every single second of the day. Our schools do their best with the funding they receive and within the parameters they've been given, parameters and funding given by the Manitoba government. So, my problem is with the government, not you personally. Just because I don't agree with your views of removing God from our classrooms, does not mean I don't respect you. The minute you're more concerned with your own agenda and acknowledgement than our children's education, is the instant I lose respect for you.
I hope I've made my stand clear. This is Canada. We have freedom of speech here, do we not? You don't like my blog, don't read it. No one is forcing you to. Be assured, you will not silence me, no matter how many hate E-mails you send me. I will continue to fight for our children's education, they are OUR future!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Friday, 6 May 2011
Am I Smarter Than A Third Grader?
In my last conversation with the principal where she threw a 5 page "Threat Incident Report" at me, she also informed me that Dayton had not produced much work in the past three weeks. I offered to come to his classroom and show the aid what I do at home to help Dayton get his work done. Surprisingly enough, the principal took me up on my offer. And so yesterday, I went to grade 3. Just for two hours, but still. I went to grade 3!
I entered Dayton's school totally nervous, experiencing the same heebie jeebies I would on the first day of a new job. With thoughts of "what if the kids make fun of me, or worse, what if they make fun of Dayton because his mom is here?" running through my head, I quickly come to a sense of calm seeing my baby waiting with his teacher's assistant for me in the hallway. I'm thinking "thank you Lord! You've heard my prayers!" Dayton had a big grin on his face, obviously pleased to see me. Seeing his smile melt my heart.
We started working in the resource room. It was just the three of us: Dayton, his aid and myself. The aid whipped out a list of 31 topics, and asked Dayton to pick one. I'm like "whoa there Nelly, let's narrow that list down a little, shall we? Let's see what I know will interest Dayton. 31 choices is like 28 choices too many. Let's narrow it down to three, shall we?"
One of the choices was to look at a picture of yourself with your mom (yes, every kid in grade 3 carries a picture of himself with his mom in his wallet, cause they like to get beat up), and write out what's happening in the picture. It just so happens I had my blackberry with me (never, ever leave home without it), and I have many pictures on it. Dayton stopped me at a picture of him and his friend with "daddy" in front of a big, huge "man toy" of a crane. This crane was so huge, just the tires alone were double the height of Dayton. Very impressive. So I asked the aid if we can substitute "dad" for "mom," and he agreed we could.
I helped Dayton tell his story, and the aid wrote it out on a piece of paper. Then Dayton had to type the story out on the computer.
I didn't want Dayton to cheat. I wanted him to show his aid that we've been working on writing at home, and to show him how I helped Dayton write. At this time, I again thanked the Lord that we were sitting alone in private, and not in the classroom with twenty-nine other students.
I'm sounding out every letter of each word, sounding like a complete fool or a mental patient. I covered the piece of paper the aid had written Dayton's story on so Dayton couldn't cheat off it. I made him spell it, having him hear me sound out the words slowly and dragging each letter. I sounded, well... awkward. But, it's how I help my son write. As long as it gets the job done, who cares how moronic I look. I don't mind him laughing at me, especially if it makes it interesting for him to learn. The sacrifices us mothers make!
The principal and guidance counselor kept spying on us in the hallway. I may have sounded like a moron, but that doesn't mean I am one. These women are like vultures. I'm thinking they figured there was no way in hell I'd be able to get Dayton to do a stitch of work. Wrong ladies (I have a much more interesting names to call them, but this is a family blog ;)! My boy works for me, cause I make it INTERESTING, and don't mind making a fool of myself to get the job done. Take that!
Recess!
I can do recess! Or so I thought. Did you know that small children refer to adults in the third person and never directly? Yup, they do!
So the kids are crawling on a structure I want to call monkey bars, but I'm not quite sure what it really is. It looks like a globe, with tons of multi-colored bars running in all different direction. Looking at it directly made me vomit, just a little in my mouth. It hurt my eyes.
Then I hear one of the kids say "I'm nine years old."
Another says "I'm eight,"
The first one says "How old you think she is (and I know he's referring to me)?"
"I'm eight years old" I yelled back impulsively.
"Do you think she's really eight years old?" asks the first kid.
"Yeah, I'm really big for my age..." I added.
"My mom's that big, and she's twenty-eight." Says the second kid. I'm thinking, jeesh, I wish.
"Big people act weird." Says the first kid. And I'm thinking 'who you calling big, kid? So I'm a couple lbs. over weight, check yourself out first, you with the pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground...'
Dayton and a buddy decide to go play on the swings. Still nauseated, I follow weakly behind them. The boys twisted and flipped the seats and handles over and over and over again, giving me motion sickness. They did this until they shortened the swings to where the seats were just above their heads! I wondered how on earth they were going to climb in the swings and use them... I had no idea my little darling angel was an acrobat!!! You should have seen these boys twisting, turning and bending their bodies to slide into these seats! It was freaking amazing!!!
But then... they started to swing... Up, up, up super high, and then...
"Look Dayton's mom! No hands! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and JUMP!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!" But the boys ignore me, Dayton's aid is laughing hysterically at me, and I'm standing there freaking out, that little bit of vomit turning into a lump in my mouth. Then both boys jump out and roll on the gravel. They're fine, I'm not. I'm dry heaving and doing my best not to puke. The boys did this act over and over and over and over again. I couldn't watch. Dayton's aid thought I was quite entertaining. I didn't think so, but I could see how one would think I was being a drama queen. You see, I'm a wee bit over protective of my babe... No really, I really am. I know, hard to believe, but I'm afraid it's true. Thank goodness I was saved by the bell. Recess is over, time to go back inside.
Time for art. A big glob of blue paint and white paint is put on Dayton's art paper. He's given a straw and told to blow at the glob of paint... The poor kid got light headed, I had to take him out to get some water. But, we finished it! Of course, my black pretty shirt is covered in blue and white paint, but hey, we got the job done. Mental note: do not sit across to Dayton when he's blowing air through a straw...
Next art project was for Social Studies. Dayton was to find pictures from magazines that reminded him of home, country and family. He was to cut them out and paste them on a piece of art paper. OK! Easy!
As Dayton and I flip through magazines, he finds a picture of lit Halloween Jacko lanterns and lit cut out pumpkin faces. He decides to cut the picture out to represent "country."
Next, he finds a picture of a blackberry... He cuts this out because it remind him of home, both Glen and I have a blackberry, and as I've said, I never, ever leave home without it.
Well... then he finds a picture of a car that has run into a huge boulder. On the boulder is a yellow hard hat... The smashed up car apparently reminds Dayton of me and the yellow hard hat reminded him of Glen. Fantastic! I'd just like to add here that I'm a good driver and only been in three car accidets. Only one of those was my fault. He cuts the darn picture and pastes it to the piece of paper.
The cutest and funniest picture he finds is a cat standing on his hind legs, with his legs crossed as it needs to go to the bathroom. Dayton cuts this picture out as he finds it funny and wants it to represent his cat "Jack."
I feel a sense of accomplishment. My son is grinning from ear to ear. He's worked hard for me today. Dayton has managed to do work that the teacher and aid have tried to get him to do for the past two days with no success. I'll admit, I feel as little smug as I've proven to them all that Dayton is fully capable, and willing to do the work, providing you make it INTERESTING. My boy's no robot. He's a kid with a sense of humor, and being funny is important to him. Not only does he enjoy making others laugh, he enjoys to laugh himself. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to give him a giggle at school. I'm glad I was able to be there for him in his moment of success, how many parents of "normal" children are able to say the same?
Hug your children, give them praise and kisses and love them. They're worth the hard work. Thank the Lord He's chosen us to take care of his angels. I wouldn't change my babe for the world.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
I entered Dayton's school totally nervous, experiencing the same heebie jeebies I would on the first day of a new job. With thoughts of "what if the kids make fun of me, or worse, what if they make fun of Dayton because his mom is here?" running through my head, I quickly come to a sense of calm seeing my baby waiting with his teacher's assistant for me in the hallway. I'm thinking "thank you Lord! You've heard my prayers!" Dayton had a big grin on his face, obviously pleased to see me. Seeing his smile melt my heart.
We started working in the resource room. It was just the three of us: Dayton, his aid and myself. The aid whipped out a list of 31 topics, and asked Dayton to pick one. I'm like "whoa there Nelly, let's narrow that list down a little, shall we? Let's see what I know will interest Dayton. 31 choices is like 28 choices too many. Let's narrow it down to three, shall we?"
One of the choices was to look at a picture of yourself with your mom (yes, every kid in grade 3 carries a picture of himself with his mom in his wallet, cause they like to get beat up), and write out what's happening in the picture. It just so happens I had my blackberry with me (never, ever leave home without it), and I have many pictures on it. Dayton stopped me at a picture of him and his friend with "daddy" in front of a big, huge "man toy" of a crane. This crane was so huge, just the tires alone were double the height of Dayton. Very impressive. So I asked the aid if we can substitute "dad" for "mom," and he agreed we could.
I helped Dayton tell his story, and the aid wrote it out on a piece of paper. Then Dayton had to type the story out on the computer.
I didn't want Dayton to cheat. I wanted him to show his aid that we've been working on writing at home, and to show him how I helped Dayton write. At this time, I again thanked the Lord that we were sitting alone in private, and not in the classroom with twenty-nine other students.
I'm sounding out every letter of each word, sounding like a complete fool or a mental patient. I covered the piece of paper the aid had written Dayton's story on so Dayton couldn't cheat off it. I made him spell it, having him hear me sound out the words slowly and dragging each letter. I sounded, well... awkward. But, it's how I help my son write. As long as it gets the job done, who cares how moronic I look. I don't mind him laughing at me, especially if it makes it interesting for him to learn. The sacrifices us mothers make!
The principal and guidance counselor kept spying on us in the hallway. I may have sounded like a moron, but that doesn't mean I am one. These women are like vultures. I'm thinking they figured there was no way in hell I'd be able to get Dayton to do a stitch of work. Wrong ladies (I have a much more interesting names to call them, but this is a family blog ;)! My boy works for me, cause I make it INTERESTING, and don't mind making a fool of myself to get the job done. Take that!
Recess!
I can do recess! Or so I thought. Did you know that small children refer to adults in the third person and never directly? Yup, they do!
So the kids are crawling on a structure I want to call monkey bars, but I'm not quite sure what it really is. It looks like a globe, with tons of multi-colored bars running in all different direction. Looking at it directly made me vomit, just a little in my mouth. It hurt my eyes.
Then I hear one of the kids say "I'm nine years old."
Another says "I'm eight,"
The first one says "How old you think she is (and I know he's referring to me)?"
"I'm eight years old" I yelled back impulsively.
"Do you think she's really eight years old?" asks the first kid.
"Yeah, I'm really big for my age..." I added.
"My mom's that big, and she's twenty-eight." Says the second kid. I'm thinking, jeesh, I wish.
"Big people act weird." Says the first kid. And I'm thinking 'who you calling big, kid? So I'm a couple lbs. over weight, check yourself out first, you with the pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground...'
Dayton and a buddy decide to go play on the swings. Still nauseated, I follow weakly behind them. The boys twisted and flipped the seats and handles over and over and over again, giving me motion sickness. They did this until they shortened the swings to where the seats were just above their heads! I wondered how on earth they were going to climb in the swings and use them... I had no idea my little darling angel was an acrobat!!! You should have seen these boys twisting, turning and bending their bodies to slide into these seats! It was freaking amazing!!!
But then... they started to swing... Up, up, up super high, and then...
"Look Dayton's mom! No hands! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and JUMP!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!" But the boys ignore me, Dayton's aid is laughing hysterically at me, and I'm standing there freaking out, that little bit of vomit turning into a lump in my mouth. Then both boys jump out and roll on the gravel. They're fine, I'm not. I'm dry heaving and doing my best not to puke. The boys did this act over and over and over and over again. I couldn't watch. Dayton's aid thought I was quite entertaining. I didn't think so, but I could see how one would think I was being a drama queen. You see, I'm a wee bit over protective of my babe... No really, I really am. I know, hard to believe, but I'm afraid it's true. Thank goodness I was saved by the bell. Recess is over, time to go back inside.
Time for art. A big glob of blue paint and white paint is put on Dayton's art paper. He's given a straw and told to blow at the glob of paint... The poor kid got light headed, I had to take him out to get some water. But, we finished it! Of course, my black pretty shirt is covered in blue and white paint, but hey, we got the job done. Mental note: do not sit across to Dayton when he's blowing air through a straw...
Next art project was for Social Studies. Dayton was to find pictures from magazines that reminded him of home, country and family. He was to cut them out and paste them on a piece of art paper. OK! Easy!
As Dayton and I flip through magazines, he finds a picture of lit Halloween Jacko lanterns and lit cut out pumpkin faces. He decides to cut the picture out to represent "country."
Next, he finds a picture of a blackberry... He cuts this out because it remind him of home, both Glen and I have a blackberry, and as I've said, I never, ever leave home without it.
Well... then he finds a picture of a car that has run into a huge boulder. On the boulder is a yellow hard hat... The smashed up car apparently reminds Dayton of me and the yellow hard hat reminded him of Glen. Fantastic! I'd just like to add here that I'm a good driver and only been in three car accidets. Only one of those was my fault. He cuts the darn picture and pastes it to the piece of paper.
The cutest and funniest picture he finds is a cat standing on his hind legs, with his legs crossed as it needs to go to the bathroom. Dayton cuts this picture out as he finds it funny and wants it to represent his cat "Jack."
I feel a sense of accomplishment. My son is grinning from ear to ear. He's worked hard for me today. Dayton has managed to do work that the teacher and aid have tried to get him to do for the past two days with no success. I'll admit, I feel as little smug as I've proven to them all that Dayton is fully capable, and willing to do the work, providing you make it INTERESTING. My boy's no robot. He's a kid with a sense of humor, and being funny is important to him. Not only does he enjoy making others laugh, he enjoys to laugh himself. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to give him a giggle at school. I'm glad I was able to be there for him in his moment of success, how many parents of "normal" children are able to say the same?
Hug your children, give them praise and kisses and love them. They're worth the hard work. Thank the Lord He's chosen us to take care of his angels. I wouldn't change my babe for the world.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
Finally, A Response From The Premier's Office!!!
Remember my post titled "An Email To The Premier Of Manitoba Regarding Our Children With Autism Spectrum Disorders?" I sent that email on April 26th. Getting impatient, as we all know how impatient I am, I decide to call the Premier's office.
Premier's answering service: "Your email is under review."
"Under review? What does that mean?"
"I'm not sure..."
"You're not sure?! Could you pass the phone to someone who can help me?"
"Yeah, can you hold?"
Silence. Not even elevator music. On hold for five minutes. Do you know how long five minutes is when there's no music and you're ticked beyond belief? It's a looooooooooong time. By the time the poor girl got back on the phone, I was ready to scream.
She gets back on the phone: "Your email is under review, meaning 'they're' looking at it."
"Does that mean 'they're' reading it now? How long until someone calls me to discuss my email?"
"I'm not sure..."
"Well, put me on hold and find out, or get someone who does know on the phone!" I've lost all patience now. I have things to do and people to annoy. Ugh! I'm betting she's blond and her name is Bubbles. I'm wondering if she's the coffee and donut girl.
Bubbles finally gets back on the phone, stammering: "Reviews take between one and two weeks, then someone will get back to you."
"I don't have two weeks. I'm very upset, and I've just been handed a five page "Threat Incident Form" from my son's school because the teacher feels my son puts her life in danger. It seems the school thinks a 60 lb 9 year old is able to kill a 170 lb adult woman. Each page is stamped with the word "CONFIDENTIAL." I'm guessing this has to do with your office transferring the call I made to you last week to my MLA, who in turn called Manitoba Education. Manitoba Education in turn called me as well as Dayton's school. The principal threw the five page "Threat Incident Report" at me and through flaring nostrils told me Manitoba Education was paying them a visit. Awwwwwwesoooooome... So you see, I need to talk to someone NOW!!!"
Bubbles: "Ummm, OK, would you like me to leave a message?"
"Ummmm, yeah! Do that!"
About an hour later, I get an email:
Of course, I lost my ever living mind. Did Judith bother to read my email, or just saw the word autism and decided to forward the email to Manitoba Education? Seriously?! I had been calling the Premier's office since noon yesterday, when I received the email. I've left at least a dozen messages for Judith to call me back. This afternoon, I snapped. I call the Premier's office at 3:26pm this afternoon, and guess who answers the phone... That's right, it's miss Bubbles! Oh joy!
"Hi, I just spoke to you a couple of minutes ago, and quite frankly, I'm done talking to you after this phone call. I've left a dozen messages for Judith already, so I want you to leave her a new message. Tell her I'm mad. Tell her I've spoken to CJOB radio station and told them my story. They're interested in doing an interview with me. You let her know that if I don't hear back from her by 4pm tomorrow, I'm not only doing the interview with CJOB, but I'm going to Global TV and CTV and the Winnipeg Sun. Any questions?"
Half an hour later, I get a call from Judith. Had I known that all I had to do is threaten her, I would have made this threat in my email to the Premier.
Judith sounded concerned about my fight for Dayton's education, completely missing the boat.
"This is not just about Dayton Judith, this is about all kids with disabilities. 1% of our children are now being diagnosed with some form of autism. This 1% does not include the rest of the disabilities children are being diagnosed with. We have a problem in our education system. Parents are forced into bankruptcy because they have no faith in our education system and have to home school their children. During today's "The Town Hall" on CJOB, a concerned parent asked the Premier why his teenage daughter's high school has 2 law textbooks for the entire class. The teacher has to photocopy the textbook for the rest of the class. WE HAVE A PROBLEM! It needs to be addressed! This is not something Manitoba Education can change, only our Premier can, which is why I emailed him, only to have YOU respond to me. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE."
I continued with my views on "inclusion" and how I really loved the "theory" of "inclusion," our children are not experiencing genuine inclusion. As parents we don't have a choice in our children's education, nor do the schools get help with our children from the government, other than money. We need more services, more Occupational Therapists, more Speech Therapists, more autism savy educators and teacher's assistants... etc.
She promised my concerns are not falling on deaf ears, and that she will be calling me back. I told her not to bother unless I get an appointment with the premier. And if I don't... I told her to let him know that I will be talking to him on CJOB in person during his "The Town Hall" interviews every first Tuesday of the month from 11am to noon Central time!
Let's see what happens, shall we?!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Premier's answering service: "Your email is under review."
"Under review? What does that mean?"
"I'm not sure..."
"You're not sure?! Could you pass the phone to someone who can help me?"
"Yeah, can you hold?"
Silence. Not even elevator music. On hold for five minutes. Do you know how long five minutes is when there's no music and you're ticked beyond belief? It's a looooooooooong time. By the time the poor girl got back on the phone, I was ready to scream.
She gets back on the phone: "Your email is under review, meaning 'they're' looking at it."
"Does that mean 'they're' reading it now? How long until someone calls me to discuss my email?"
"I'm not sure..."
"Well, put me on hold and find out, or get someone who does know on the phone!" I've lost all patience now. I have things to do and people to annoy. Ugh! I'm betting she's blond and her name is Bubbles. I'm wondering if she's the coffee and donut girl.
Bubbles finally gets back on the phone, stammering: "Reviews take between one and two weeks, then someone will get back to you."
"I don't have two weeks. I'm very upset, and I've just been handed a five page "Threat Incident Form" from my son's school because the teacher feels my son puts her life in danger. It seems the school thinks a 60 lb 9 year old is able to kill a 170 lb adult woman. Each page is stamped with the word "CONFIDENTIAL." I'm guessing this has to do with your office transferring the call I made to you last week to my MLA, who in turn called Manitoba Education. Manitoba Education in turn called me as well as Dayton's school. The principal threw the five page "Threat Incident Report" at me and through flaring nostrils told me Manitoba Education was paying them a visit. Awwwwwwesoooooome... So you see, I need to talk to someone NOW!!!"
Bubbles: "Ummm, OK, would you like me to leave a message?"
"Ummmm, yeah! Do that!"
About an hour later, I get an email:
May 2, 2011
Lou Lovrin
Dear Ms Lovrin:
On behalf of the Honourable Greg Selinger, Premier of Manitoba, I would like to thank you for your recent email.
We have taken the liberty of forwarding a copy of your correspondence to Honourable Nancy Allan, Minister of Education, and to Honourable Gord Mackintosh, Minister of Family Services for their consideration and response.
Once again, thank you for writing to Premier Selinger.
Sincerely,
Judith Baldwin
Coordinator of the
Premier’s Secretariat
Of course, I lost my ever living mind. Did Judith bother to read my email, or just saw the word autism and decided to forward the email to Manitoba Education? Seriously?! I had been calling the Premier's office since noon yesterday, when I received the email. I've left at least a dozen messages for Judith to call me back. This afternoon, I snapped. I call the Premier's office at 3:26pm this afternoon, and guess who answers the phone... That's right, it's miss Bubbles! Oh joy!
"Hi, I just spoke to you a couple of minutes ago, and quite frankly, I'm done talking to you after this phone call. I've left a dozen messages for Judith already, so I want you to leave her a new message. Tell her I'm mad. Tell her I've spoken to CJOB radio station and told them my story. They're interested in doing an interview with me. You let her know that if I don't hear back from her by 4pm tomorrow, I'm not only doing the interview with CJOB, but I'm going to Global TV and CTV and the Winnipeg Sun. Any questions?"
Half an hour later, I get a call from Judith. Had I known that all I had to do is threaten her, I would have made this threat in my email to the Premier.
Judith sounded concerned about my fight for Dayton's education, completely missing the boat.
"This is not just about Dayton Judith, this is about all kids with disabilities. 1% of our children are now being diagnosed with some form of autism. This 1% does not include the rest of the disabilities children are being diagnosed with. We have a problem in our education system. Parents are forced into bankruptcy because they have no faith in our education system and have to home school their children. During today's "The Town Hall" on CJOB, a concerned parent asked the Premier why his teenage daughter's high school has 2 law textbooks for the entire class. The teacher has to photocopy the textbook for the rest of the class. WE HAVE A PROBLEM! It needs to be addressed! This is not something Manitoba Education can change, only our Premier can, which is why I emailed him, only to have YOU respond to me. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE."
I continued with my views on "inclusion" and how I really loved the "theory" of "inclusion," our children are not experiencing genuine inclusion. As parents we don't have a choice in our children's education, nor do the schools get help with our children from the government, other than money. We need more services, more Occupational Therapists, more Speech Therapists, more autism savy educators and teacher's assistants... etc.
She promised my concerns are not falling on deaf ears, and that she will be calling me back. I told her not to bother unless I get an appointment with the premier. And if I don't... I told her to let him know that I will be talking to him on CJOB in person during his "The Town Hall" interviews every first Tuesday of the month from 11am to noon Central time!
Let's see what happens, shall we?!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Thursday, 28 April 2011
What The Hell is This Teacher's Problem?! I'm No Mother Teresa, But What The Hell?!
It's one of those days that you want to make a tinfoil Viking helm, stand in the corner with a broken broomstick and threaten everyone in a bad German accent!!!
All right, like seriously?! I'm super mad, and I don't know what to do about it. I suppose there's really nothing I can really do, other than sit here and stew... Ugh!!! I hate Dayton's school so much!!! Really, this post should be titled Rant 103, but I can't take the "Rant" series from Wendy, it just wouldn't be fair. But Oh My God!!!
So, last Wednesday, I get a class assignment from Dayton's school on "poetry." The students are to pick a poem and memorize it. The assignment is graded on memorization (no problem), how fast the student is presenting the poem (may have a smidgen of a problem here, since Dayton rattles things off as fast as he can so he can get whatever it is done and over with, he has no patience), does the student speak monotone (are you for real?! Yes, my son speaks in monotone most of the time!), does the student make eye contact (Oh My God... Lord help me, I'm on my knees begging you to help my baby get through this!!! Dayton has autism, so HE HATES MAKING EYE CONTACT), does the student gesture naturally or does he/she look uncomfortable (Seriously?! Gesture? Is this a play or a freaking poem?! And no, Dayton won't gesture anything, nor will he look comfortable. He pretends he's invisible for a reason!!!), is the poem challenging for the student? I can actually feel a brain aneurysm coming on. There's a pain starting in behind my left eye and I swear my right arm's gone numb.
I discuss the assignment with Dayton. "Did you talk about poems in class today?"
"No."
"Oh... do you know what a poem is Dayton?"
"No."
"Hmmmmm... there's a homework assignment here (his second one this year), and it says you're suppose to memorize it. Are you sure you weren't given another paper, a paper with poems on it?"
"No."
"No you're not sure, or no you didn't get a paper with poems?"
"No paper with poems."
Awesome! How the hell is Dayton supposed to pick a poem? Google poems? How does the teacher determine what is "challenging" enough? Are we talking Shakespeare? My headache got worse and worse as I described the assignment to Dayton, who started freaking out... I made him a nice warm bubble bath, set up Sponge Bob Square Pants, and rocked him to sleep. My poor babe...
The next day my friend's in a bind and can't pick up her little guy from school, (the little guy is Dayton's only after school buddy) so I volunteer to pick up both of the boys. Both boys go to the same school, so it's not a big deal... I call the school to inform them that I will be picking up the boys from school, so they can cancel Dayton's bus and get Dayton's weekly reading material ready for me to pick up. After saying hello and asking how the receptionist was, I introduced myself as Dayton's mom, and she interrupted me with an "perfect timing!" and the line goes silent. I'm thinking did the woman hang up on me? Did she put me on hold? Better wait and find out. Then I thought, "wha'dya mean 'perfect timing?' What the..."
"Hello Lou! Did you know I was just about to call you? How strange you would call at this moment!" Ugh... It's the principal... and yeah lady, I'm psychic... My good day's gonna turn upside down again, I can just feel it...
"I'm not sure what Dayton did, but I'm on my way to the school right now. The two of you can tell me all about it when I get there. Be there in 3 minutes..."
Here's her email to me to shorten this post, explaining what happened...
From our discussion today, here are the behaviours we talked about and the time frames:
Mid-morning - Dayton left the building and informed Mr. J. that he needed to poop and he only pooped at home or outside. He ran around the corner of the building telling Mr. J. he needed privacy. He undid his pants but did come back inside with Mr. J.
At lunch recess, he was running around the halls, entered the gym, took a hockey stick, and ran outside.
Mid-afternoon, - He entered the office and took candies from the secretary's container. We took the candies from him.
mid-morning - He gave the middle finger to students
mid-afternoon - He ripped Jack's work - tore his paper in half
We shared with you some drawings that still contain weapons. He has been more off-task for the last couple of weeks - less focussed and less work produced.
Lou, please keep me posted on the situation on the bus with the boy from Middle School.
Have a wonderful Easter weekend!
Oh yes, we're so going to have a wonderful weekend... You drip! Where the hell was Dayton's assistant throughout all of this?!
We had also discussed the poem assignment... She agreed with me that it was inappropriate for Dayton, and she had suggested that Dayton could memorize a joke instead. I'm thinking "AWESOME!!! Dayton LOVES jokes! Great idea!!! Gotta give the devil credit when it's due I suppose.
So we spent the Easter weekend looking at and memorizing four jokes... We pretended to be comedians, we actually watched a stand up comic so Dayton could see how they behave on stage (for the gesturing part of the assignment), how when the comic asks a question, he waits a few seconds before answering, because obviously the audience won't have the answer... What a waste of time...
"Really? Are you sure Dayton?" He looks at the floor, "yes momma..."
I get on the phone. To summarize our conversation, and this post, here's the email I had sent to her early this morning, making sure she gets it right away...
Good morning Bev,
I'm a little confused... and a little miffed.
Last Monday afternoon I called the school to speak to you about the Poem assignment I had found in Dayton's agenda, and explained that the Principal and I had discussed the assignment and decided that Dayton could memorize jokes instead of my finding a "challenging poem," when I had no idea what kind of poem to look for... You had told me that we didn't have to memorize anything, that Dayton was not suppose to have this assignment in his back pack. I had expressed to you that Dayton and I had spend the weekend choosing his jokes from a joke book and had been working very hard to memorize them, read them to you over then phone to ensure that they were appropriate and promised to email them to you as his handwriting is difficult to read. On Tuesday, Dayton tells me he's reading a poem with Mr. J...
When I got to the school to volunteer for the hot lunch program in your classroom, I had asked Mr. J about the poem. He informed me that you want Dayton to memorize a poem, in 2 days? While I realize it's a short poem, and Dayton has "most" of it memorized, having things changed on him at home for his assignment caused major upheaval last night. Furthermore, my time dedicated to Dayton memorizing his jokes now seems like a complete waste of time. While yes, he has them memorized, I was hoping to work on his "monotone" issue, and eye contact, and having him pretend to be a "comedian," so he would look more at ease for his assignment, all things the other students are being marked on, because I wanted Dayton to feel successful. I really wish you could communicate with me when it comes to his assignments. It makes it really frustrating for me not having you communicate your thoughts on Dayton's progress and especially the expectations. Thank goodness Mr. J took the time with me yesterday and explained what he'd like us to work on at home to prepare Dayton! I had one hour to help Dayton memorize this poem last night, as after that he had a melt down because he really wants to tell his jokes.
I would appreciate it if you still allowed him to tell his memorized jokes, he deserves that much. Dayton has worked very hard to memorize them, and it took a lot of work for him to pick them out in the first place. Trust me, he only likes one of the four jokes, I'm sure you can guess which one.
1) What do witches put on their hair?
- scare spray
2) What does a monster call his parents?
- mom and dead
3) What do you call a cow with no legs?
- ground beef
4) Why is 6 afraid of 7?
- Because 7 8 9
So maybe we can come to a compromise for Dayton's sake. Let's have him recite his poem to the class first, then follow it with his jokes?
I would like an email at the end of the day, telling me how well Dayton did on his reciting his poem and jokes. It is important that I know he complied as I promised him a major treat if he did well. We haven't decided on the treat yet, as I told him to think about it.
Thank you, and have a good day.
Lou
So, all I can do now is cross my fingers and pray to our Heavenly Father that Dayton is prepared for this. Either way, no matter what his mark is, I am proud of my son. He's a true gem, and I love him more than life itself. I thank God every morning for choosing me to be this precious boy's mother.
Now that I'm done ranting and raving, please understand that yes, while I talk about my life with autism on Autism Diva, I am not asking for your sympathy. I hate it when people say "Oh, it must be so difficult raising a child with autism, you poor girl." And I'm thinking to myself, no, it's not Dayton that makes my life difficult, it's stupid people like you, but don't say it, cause I'm really not THAT mean... I'm blunt, and honest, but not mean... I know people don't know what to say... But it really ticks me off, I mean, Dayton's healthy. He's not dying. So his brain is wired differently... Anyway, back to my point. Yes, I discuss Dayton here and our life, but Autism Diva is not about feeling sympathy for us. I love my son. Autism Diva is about explaining the complexity of autism. Sharing with you is to let you know you're not alone out there, and for those of you that don't have children on the spectrum, Autism Diva will hopefully explain what autism is and what parents with children on the spectrum have to face. Autism Diva is about awareness...
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
Oh yes, we're so going to have a wonderful weekend... You drip! Where the hell was Dayton's assistant throughout all of this?!
We had also discussed the poem assignment... She agreed with me that it was inappropriate for Dayton, and she had suggested that Dayton could memorize a joke instead. I'm thinking "AWESOME!!! Dayton LOVES jokes! Great idea!!! Gotta give the devil credit when it's due I suppose.
So we spent the Easter weekend looking at and memorizing four jokes... We pretended to be comedians, we actually watched a stand up comic so Dayton could see how they behave on stage (for the gesturing part of the assignment), how when the comic asks a question, he waits a few seconds before answering, because obviously the audience won't have the answer... What a waste of time...
"Really? Are you sure Dayton?" He looks at the floor, "yes momma..."
I get on the phone. To summarize our conversation, and this post, here's the email I had sent to her early this morning, making sure she gets it right away...
Good morning Bev,
I'm a little confused... and a little miffed.
Last Monday afternoon I called the school to speak to you about the Poem assignment I had found in Dayton's agenda, and explained that the Principal and I had discussed the assignment and decided that Dayton could memorize jokes instead of my finding a "challenging poem," when I had no idea what kind of poem to look for... You had told me that we didn't have to memorize anything, that Dayton was not suppose to have this assignment in his back pack. I had expressed to you that Dayton and I had spend the weekend choosing his jokes from a joke book and had been working very hard to memorize them, read them to you over then phone to ensure that they were appropriate and promised to email them to you as his handwriting is difficult to read. On Tuesday, Dayton tells me he's reading a poem with Mr. J...
When I got to the school to volunteer for the hot lunch program in your classroom, I had asked Mr. J about the poem. He informed me that you want Dayton to memorize a poem, in 2 days? While I realize it's a short poem, and Dayton has "most" of it memorized, having things changed on him at home for his assignment caused major upheaval last night. Furthermore, my time dedicated to Dayton memorizing his jokes now seems like a complete waste of time. While yes, he has them memorized, I was hoping to work on his "monotone" issue, and eye contact, and having him pretend to be a "comedian," so he would look more at ease for his assignment, all things the other students are being marked on, because I wanted Dayton to feel successful. I really wish you could communicate with me when it comes to his assignments. It makes it really frustrating for me not having you communicate your thoughts on Dayton's progress and especially the expectations. Thank goodness Mr. J took the time with me yesterday and explained what he'd like us to work on at home to prepare Dayton! I had one hour to help Dayton memorize this poem last night, as after that he had a melt down because he really wants to tell his jokes.
I would appreciate it if you still allowed him to tell his memorized jokes, he deserves that much. Dayton has worked very hard to memorize them, and it took a lot of work for him to pick them out in the first place. Trust me, he only likes one of the four jokes, I'm sure you can guess which one.
1) What do witches put on their hair?
- scare spray
2) What does a monster call his parents?
- mom and dead
3) What do you call a cow with no legs?
- ground beef
4) Why is 6 afraid of 7?
- Because 7 8 9
So maybe we can come to a compromise for Dayton's sake. Let's have him recite his poem to the class first, then follow it with his jokes?
I would like an email at the end of the day, telling me how well Dayton did on his reciting his poem and jokes. It is important that I know he complied as I promised him a major treat if he did well. We haven't decided on the treat yet, as I told him to think about it.
Thank you, and have a good day.
Lou
So, all I can do now is cross my fingers and pray to our Heavenly Father that Dayton is prepared for this. Either way, no matter what his mark is, I am proud of my son. He's a true gem, and I love him more than life itself. I thank God every morning for choosing me to be this precious boy's mother.
Now that I'm done ranting and raving, please understand that yes, while I talk about my life with autism on Autism Diva, I am not asking for your sympathy. I hate it when people say "Oh, it must be so difficult raising a child with autism, you poor girl." And I'm thinking to myself, no, it's not Dayton that makes my life difficult, it's stupid people like you, but don't say it, cause I'm really not THAT mean... I'm blunt, and honest, but not mean... I know people don't know what to say... But it really ticks me off, I mean, Dayton's healthy. He's not dying. So his brain is wired differently... Anyway, back to my point. Yes, I discuss Dayton here and our life, but Autism Diva is not about feeling sympathy for us. I love my son. Autism Diva is about explaining the complexity of autism. Sharing with you is to let you know you're not alone out there, and for those of you that don't have children on the spectrum, Autism Diva will hopefully explain what autism is and what parents with children on the spectrum have to face. Autism Diva is about awareness...
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
Wednesday, 20 April 2011
Autism Behavior - Communication
Behavior is something which all children display in one form or another. Our child's behavior tells those around them many things about their wants, needs, and desires. The most important thing to understand about behavior is that it is a form of communication. It is a complicated form of communication, but a truly basic one.
Typical children are much better at verbal communication skills than children with autism. Typical children do not always rely on physical behavior to relate a message. Often, children with autism are telling us a lot with their behavior. They can be giving an answer, asking a question or expressing a frustrated response.
Some behaviors expressed by children with autism may be appropriate or inappropriate depending on the situation. Inappropriate behaviors give a negative aspect to our children's learning experience.
It does not matter if the negative behavior occurs in a social situation or academic situation. A negative behavior must be dealt with so that the child with autism can acquire as much information as possible. Some undesired behaviors can not be eliminated. In that case those behaviors should be exchanged with desirable behaviors the child can use. In order to do this, it is both the teacher's and parent's responsibility to teach the child to "change their mind" as my dad says.
One of the stories a family related to me was a teacher who was asking their child a question. Just for example we are going to say the question was 'What is 2 + 2?' This family's child did not understand the question. Their child did not even know how to answer the teacher. It is very common for children with autism to have auditory deficits and not be able to focus on what he's being asked. As far as I'm concerned, if the government insist on inclusion, then this bit of information should automatically be listed in the teacher's handbook.
The first thing their child did was to become withdrawn. The well meaning teacher went closer to the child and asked again. Now this family's child became aggressive and used some really choice curse words. While the well meaning teacher wants to help the child, the child with autism perceives this as an invasion of his space, or an attack. Dayton's perception would be that he's in trouble and under attack. His auditory processing is severely impaired, and he while he can speak, it doesn't mean that he is able to process verbal questions or instructions all of the time. For the most part, he's pretty good at it, but sometimes... let's just say that there are times were he's over stimulated by sounds, smells and too many things going on in the classroom... Auditory processing (hearing and understanding what the speaker is trying to convey to you) and speaking yourself are two completely different things. While closely connected, they are not the same thing.
A little understanding of a child with Autism and communication can help this situation. If a parent and teacher wish to change this undesirable behavior they need to replace it. This is done by teaching a child a different technique or method of getting what they want. In order to do this, parents and teachers MUST work together. Furthermore, the policy of "inclusion" orders for the teacher to accommodate special need students. Most children with autism are very visual learners, so the teacher should accommodate visually to the child, instead of giving auditory instructions. Furthermore, replacing the behavior is NOT ENOUGH. The child needs to practice the replacement behavior. Children with autism do not automatically learn things like typical children do, they must practice over and over in order to "get it."
Tell the child with autism that when they do not understand what someone is asking they can raise their hand. This is a technique to let the adult know what is going on. Another technique is to teach the child to say a special word or phrase instead of cursing. This also gives adults involved a cue that they are feeling frustrated.
Then everyone involved has to understand if they do not respond to those cues the behavior will escalate!!! These are two simple but possibly effective way to help or change behavior in a positive way. Changing or shaping the behavior will help the child with autism have an environment more in line with their learning needs. As most children with autism have difficulties with auditory processing, the teacher could then write down or draw the question out for the child with autism, which would most likely have a better response.
Now many of you would say "a child cursing? That is highly inappropriate! Where is the child learning these words?" as many of the teachers themselves think. Let me assure you that parents of autistic children do not condone cursing from their children. It is not acceptable behavior. To answer your question, it is not the parents that teach their autistic children how to curse. Dayton NEVER curses at home, EVER.
The trick is to convince the school your child attends, that they should heed your advice, and not be judgemental of your parenting. If you're fortunate enough to have a school that works with you, this should not be a problem. If you're fortunate enough to have a school that understands autism, then again, your job will be easier. For those of struggling on both counts, we need to figure out a solution... Any suggestions or ideas are most welcome!!!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Typical children are much better at verbal communication skills than children with autism. Typical children do not always rely on physical behavior to relate a message. Often, children with autism are telling us a lot with their behavior. They can be giving an answer, asking a question or expressing a frustrated response.
Some behaviors expressed by children with autism may be appropriate or inappropriate depending on the situation. Inappropriate behaviors give a negative aspect to our children's learning experience.
It does not matter if the negative behavior occurs in a social situation or academic situation. A negative behavior must be dealt with so that the child with autism can acquire as much information as possible. Some undesired behaviors can not be eliminated. In that case those behaviors should be exchanged with desirable behaviors the child can use. In order to do this, it is both the teacher's and parent's responsibility to teach the child to "change their mind" as my dad says.
One of the stories a family related to me was a teacher who was asking their child a question. Just for example we are going to say the question was 'What is 2 + 2?' This family's child did not understand the question. Their child did not even know how to answer the teacher. It is very common for children with autism to have auditory deficits and not be able to focus on what he's being asked. As far as I'm concerned, if the government insist on inclusion, then this bit of information should automatically be listed in the teacher's handbook.
The first thing their child did was to become withdrawn. The well meaning teacher went closer to the child and asked again. Now this family's child became aggressive and used some really choice curse words. While the well meaning teacher wants to help the child, the child with autism perceives this as an invasion of his space, or an attack. Dayton's perception would be that he's in trouble and under attack. His auditory processing is severely impaired, and he while he can speak, it doesn't mean that he is able to process verbal questions or instructions all of the time. For the most part, he's pretty good at it, but sometimes... let's just say that there are times were he's over stimulated by sounds, smells and too many things going on in the classroom... Auditory processing (hearing and understanding what the speaker is trying to convey to you) and speaking yourself are two completely different things. While closely connected, they are not the same thing.
A little understanding of a child with Autism and communication can help this situation. If a parent and teacher wish to change this undesirable behavior they need to replace it. This is done by teaching a child a different technique or method of getting what they want. In order to do this, parents and teachers MUST work together. Furthermore, the policy of "inclusion" orders for the teacher to accommodate special need students. Most children with autism are very visual learners, so the teacher should accommodate visually to the child, instead of giving auditory instructions. Furthermore, replacing the behavior is NOT ENOUGH. The child needs to practice the replacement behavior. Children with autism do not automatically learn things like typical children do, they must practice over and over in order to "get it."
Tell the child with autism that when they do not understand what someone is asking they can raise their hand. This is a technique to let the adult know what is going on. Another technique is to teach the child to say a special word or phrase instead of cursing. This also gives adults involved a cue that they are feeling frustrated.
Then everyone involved has to understand if they do not respond to those cues the behavior will escalate!!! These are two simple but possibly effective way to help or change behavior in a positive way. Changing or shaping the behavior will help the child with autism have an environment more in line with their learning needs. As most children with autism have difficulties with auditory processing, the teacher could then write down or draw the question out for the child with autism, which would most likely have a better response.
Now many of you would say "a child cursing? That is highly inappropriate! Where is the child learning these words?" as many of the teachers themselves think. Let me assure you that parents of autistic children do not condone cursing from their children. It is not acceptable behavior. To answer your question, it is not the parents that teach their autistic children how to curse. Dayton NEVER curses at home, EVER.
The trick is to convince the school your child attends, that they should heed your advice, and not be judgemental of your parenting. If you're fortunate enough to have a school that works with you, this should not be a problem. If you're fortunate enough to have a school that understands autism, then again, your job will be easier. For those of struggling on both counts, we need to figure out a solution... Any suggestions or ideas are most welcome!!!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Tuesday, 22 March 2011
I Could If I Would But I Can't
At the core of the problem in today's school system of inclusion is "belief." Our kids on the higher end of the autism spectrum disorder just look too good, therefore they can't possibly have deficits or needs. They're a bunch of spoiled brats who don't pay attention and choose to throw temper tantrums to get out of doing their work. They're a menace to the classroom and are constantly interrupting important lectures. They refuse to fit in with the rest of the kids, and love to physically fight their class mates. This is NOT true. Unfortunately, this is pretty much what the current school system thinks of our kids. They don't BELIEVE that our children are "neurologically different." Our kids can talk, walk, run, and sit just like the rest of the student body. When they don't, the school staff believe that our kids don't do as expected by their own choice.
If our children wore leg braces, you'd have teachers and aids ligning up to help them, there would be no doubt as to their deficits and need for help. People in general are just more apt to believe there's a problem when they can SEE the problem. PDD-NOS is not something you can visually see, neither is high functioning autism or Aspergers. When the problem is visual and obvious, people are just much more likely to HELP. The presence of intelligence, strengths, and actual talents make it even harder for teachers to be believe there are real, concrete deficits.
No parent wants to think of segregating their child. Segregation brings horrible pictures to mind of "No blacks allowed," and "whites only." But the fact of the matter is, our kids are horribly misunderstood. Who's fault is this? Certainly not the parents. Most parents are more than happy to share with their child's school things that work for their children and things that don't. I know I most certainly do. The problem is that the school staff really don't have the time to listen to what I have to say, as I am not an expert on the subject. "They," on the other hand, are well meaning "professionals," who know what my child needs. Their experience and expertise on what works on typical children is what they believe will work for my son. And then they wonder why they have problems...
The most frustrating part of raising a child with a neurological difference, such as autism, aspergers and PDD-NOS, is not the child themselves... it's trying to convince others the enormity of the child's deficits. Deficit areas such as language (understanding rhetorical questions), sensory issues (Dayton can't certain sounds, for example music class is super painful for him, or the feel of new socks), theory of mind (thinking about how another person thinks or why they react they way they do, for example emotions), problem solving, anxiety, consistency in their scheduled days, social skills, play skills, motor issues (Dayton is 9, and he still can't tie his shoes because his fingers can't manipulate the shoe laces), spacial orientation (where the body is in space, for example co-ordination).
If inclusion in our school systems is to work, I think it is vital for them to understand these deficits and BELIEVE them. Their disbelief is not only affecting our children, but the typical children as well. Think about it. If a busy classroom with colorful walls overstimulates my child and he has a melt down, it affects the entire classroom. The one most affected is my child along with me, since he will now be suspended and I have to leave work to go and get him. My boss is not pleased at all the work I am missing and my students also suffer the consequences. When a teacher uses an idiom such as "hold your horses" and my son responds with "what horses?" the teacher automatically assumes Dayton is being disrespectful and sends him to the office. Dayton of course throws a fit because he's answered her question and doesn't understand why he's being sent to the office. I am called to pick him up AGAIN.
By the time I get to the school, Dayton is furious, has punched the walls, pushed teachers and children out of his way because he's super frustrated at trying to understand what he's done wrong and no one is answering him. He feels picked on and not important. In his anger he screams, scaring the children around him.
Here's a perfect example of total and complete miscommunication between school staff and Dayton from last February:
Little Johnny has a hole in his back pack. Dayton sees the hole and he just can't help himself... He sticks his finger in the hole and rips the back pack further. (Impulse control deficit, this is not an excuse, but an explanation as to why he did this). Dayton's teacher and aid are standing across the room watching Dayton do this. The teacher the approaches Dayton and asks him "Dayton, did you rip Johnny's back pack?"
Dayton: "No." (Language deficit. Dayton has answered the question asked truthfully. He is literal. He did not rip the back pack, it was already ripped. Dayton is not able to articulate this).
Teacher: "Yes, yes you did, I watched you do it."
Dayton tries to back away from the teacher, but she follows. In order to get away from her he moves a desk. This is viewed as "aggressive behavior." The aid now approaches Dayton from the other side and the two women figure they can corner him. Can you see where this is heading?
Dayton's throat was so sore, he couldn't talk or eat for a few days after the incident. I had to force him to drink. He had lots of smoothies and milkshakes as meals. Naturally, I kept him home for those days.
Inclusion... does it really work? Not for us. It's been a literal hell. A facebook friend said it perfectly: "There are two types of inclusion, genuine and cosmetic. What our kids are getting most often is cosmetic inclusion. They're in the classroom, and it all looks good, but that's about where it ends."
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
If our children wore leg braces, you'd have teachers and aids ligning up to help them, there would be no doubt as to their deficits and need for help. People in general are just more apt to believe there's a problem when they can SEE the problem. PDD-NOS is not something you can visually see, neither is high functioning autism or Aspergers. When the problem is visual and obvious, people are just much more likely to HELP. The presence of intelligence, strengths, and actual talents make it even harder for teachers to be believe there are real, concrete deficits.
No parent wants to think of segregating their child. Segregation brings horrible pictures to mind of "No blacks allowed," and "whites only." But the fact of the matter is, our kids are horribly misunderstood. Who's fault is this? Certainly not the parents. Most parents are more than happy to share with their child's school things that work for their children and things that don't. I know I most certainly do. The problem is that the school staff really don't have the time to listen to what I have to say, as I am not an expert on the subject. "They," on the other hand, are well meaning "professionals," who know what my child needs. Their experience and expertise on what works on typical children is what they believe will work for my son. And then they wonder why they have problems...
The most frustrating part of raising a child with a neurological difference, such as autism, aspergers and PDD-NOS, is not the child themselves... it's trying to convince others the enormity of the child's deficits. Deficit areas such as language (understanding rhetorical questions), sensory issues (Dayton can't certain sounds, for example music class is super painful for him, or the feel of new socks), theory of mind (thinking about how another person thinks or why they react they way they do, for example emotions), problem solving, anxiety, consistency in their scheduled days, social skills, play skills, motor issues (Dayton is 9, and he still can't tie his shoes because his fingers can't manipulate the shoe laces), spacial orientation (where the body is in space, for example co-ordination).
If inclusion in our school systems is to work, I think it is vital for them to understand these deficits and BELIEVE them. Their disbelief is not only affecting our children, but the typical children as well. Think about it. If a busy classroom with colorful walls overstimulates my child and he has a melt down, it affects the entire classroom. The one most affected is my child along with me, since he will now be suspended and I have to leave work to go and get him. My boss is not pleased at all the work I am missing and my students also suffer the consequences. When a teacher uses an idiom such as "hold your horses" and my son responds with "what horses?" the teacher automatically assumes Dayton is being disrespectful and sends him to the office. Dayton of course throws a fit because he's answered her question and doesn't understand why he's being sent to the office. I am called to pick him up AGAIN.
By the time I get to the school, Dayton is furious, has punched the walls, pushed teachers and children out of his way because he's super frustrated at trying to understand what he's done wrong and no one is answering him. He feels picked on and not important. In his anger he screams, scaring the children around him.
Here's a perfect example of total and complete miscommunication between school staff and Dayton from last February:
Little Johnny has a hole in his back pack. Dayton sees the hole and he just can't help himself... He sticks his finger in the hole and rips the back pack further. (Impulse control deficit, this is not an excuse, but an explanation as to why he did this). Dayton's teacher and aid are standing across the room watching Dayton do this. The teacher the approaches Dayton and asks him "Dayton, did you rip Johnny's back pack?"
Dayton: "No." (Language deficit. Dayton has answered the question asked truthfully. He is literal. He did not rip the back pack, it was already ripped. Dayton is not able to articulate this).
Teacher: "Yes, yes you did, I watched you do it."
Dayton tries to back away from the teacher, but she follows. In order to get away from her he moves a desk. This is viewed as "aggressive behavior." The aid now approaches Dayton from the other side and the two women figure they can corner him. Can you see where this is heading?
Dayton's throat was so sore, he couldn't talk or eat for a few days after the incident. I had to force him to drink. He had lots of smoothies and milkshakes as meals. Naturally, I kept him home for those days.
Inclusion... does it really work? Not for us. It's been a literal hell. A facebook friend said it perfectly: "There are two types of inclusion, genuine and cosmetic. What our kids are getting most often is cosmetic inclusion. They're in the classroom, and it all looks good, but that's about where it ends."
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
A Froot Loop In A World Full Of Cheerios
I posted a link to my last blog titled "CFS, Friend or Foe" on my facebook page, and got responses to the blog almost right away. A friend who's twelve year old daughter also has autism, had commented on how her daughter's school has not had an IEP in place for her daughter since grade one! They seem to think it a waste of time, but not a waste of time to call CFS on her because her little girl is "too skinny." How familiar this story is to me...
Dayton is a tall and skinny 9 year old. I fret over making his lunches at school, worry about his weight all the time. I'm a wee bit over weight, and could definitely stand to lose a few pounds. I don't think I've met a woman that's ever been happy with her weight, but when I tell you I'm a wee bit overweight, believe it to be true. I enjoy romantic walks to the fridge...
Dayton's father on the other hand stands very tall at 6'3" and is super lean. Not skinny, he's "one of those people" we all love to hate. The ones that can eat whatever they want, whenever they want and never have to work out, yet looks like he's a health nut and works out faithfully... Grrrr...
Any how... Here's the latest email from Dayton's school with my response:
The email from the school guidance counselor:
Dayton is a tall and skinny 9 year old. I fret over making his lunches at school, worry about his weight all the time. I'm a wee bit over weight, and could definitely stand to lose a few pounds. I don't think I've met a woman that's ever been happy with her weight, but when I tell you I'm a wee bit overweight, believe it to be true. I enjoy romantic walks to the fridge...
Dayton's father on the other hand stands very tall at 6'3" and is super lean. Not skinny, he's "one of those people" we all love to hate. The ones that can eat whatever they want, whenever they want and never have to work out, yet looks like he's a health nut and works out faithfully... Grrrr...
Any how... Here's the latest email from Dayton's school with my response:
The email from the school guidance counselor:
Good afternoon Lou
Just thought I'd check in with you re Dayton's start to the day as he has been saying that he doesn't eat his breakfast and is hungry as soon as he gets to school. What is your take on this? Thanks for the feedback.
My response back to the school:
Hi Judy,
I've discussed your email with the principal this afternoon, as I was shocked to receive it. I've also had the chance to discuss this with Dayton.
First, I'd like to assure you as I have assured the principal, Dayton eats breakfast every morning, and it's always the same breakfast as he won't eat anything else: a nutella sandwich, with either tea or milk (most often he ignores the beverage). He has this every morning at 7:15am, as it takes him 15 minutes to eat. At 7:30am, he is asked to get his teeth and hair brushed, wash his face and get dressed for school. This takes him another 20 minutes or so. If he has enough time, he gets to watch "YTV" before heading off to school. He gets picked up by the bus at 8am. Would it make sense for him to be hungry when he gets to school?
I've discussed this with Dayton. He tells me that he arrived at the school and you had asked him what he had for breakfast, and that he told you "nothing" as a joke? Of course I'm not finding this amusing at all. Speaking to the principal she was under the impression that you had tried to get him to do some work at which point he may have delayed the work by asking to eat first? I'm not sure which happened...
His lunches are always the same, as he doesn't want anything else but meat, crackers, pudding or yogurt. I always send him to school with a fruit, which sometimes he eats, sometimes he doesn't. I used to send him to school with snap peas or celery sticks, but he used them in an offensive way in class (placing them between his legs) and he no longer gets them included in his lunches as Mrs. P. complained of his behavior.
Here's what I do know.
When bed time arrives, Dayton will try to delay bed time by asking for a snack. I've combated this by offering him a drink and a snack before announcing it is bed time. If I am asking Dayton to do something he's not comfortable with or if it's something he doesn't like to do, he will ask for a snack. I've combated this in the same way, by offering him a snack before the task.
I've just checked his lunch bag, and he still has an apple sauce and a package of bunny crackers. So it appears he is getting more than enough food to take with him to school. Every day he comes home from school, he has plenty of lunch left over, sometimes he doesn't even touch his lunch.
On weekends, Dayton most often grazes. I find he eats more because I don't need to give him the second Biphentin as necessary at school. One of Biphentin's side effects is loss of appetite.
There are times when Dayton is uncomfortable, and sometimes he copes with his discomfort by eating. He takes after me in that respect, and thankfully has his father's metabolism.
I hope I've answered all of your questions.
Lou
Lou
Hi Judy,
I've discussed your email with the principal this afternoon, as I was shocked to receive it. I've also had the chance to discuss this with Dayton.
First, I'd like to assure you as I have assured the principal, Dayton eats breakfast every morning, and it's always the same breakfast as he won't eat anything else: a nutella sandwich, with either tea or milk (most often he ignores the beverage). He has this every morning at 7:15am, as it takes him 15 minutes to eat. At 7:30am, he is asked to get his teeth and hair brushed, wash his face and get dressed for school. This takes him another 20 minutes or so. If he has enough time, he gets to watch "YTV" before heading off to school. He gets picked up by the bus at 8am. Would it make sense for him to be hungry when he gets to school?
I've discussed this with Dayton. He tells me that he arrived at the school and you had asked him what he had for breakfast, and that he told you "nothing" as a joke? Of course I'm not finding this amusing at all. Speaking to the principal she was under the impression that you had tried to get him to do some work at which point he may have delayed the work by asking to eat first? I'm not sure which happened...
His lunches are always the same, as he doesn't want anything else but meat, crackers, pudding or yogurt. I always send him to school with a fruit, which sometimes he eats, sometimes he doesn't. I used to send him to school with snap peas or celery sticks, but he used them in an offensive way in class (placing them between his legs) and he no longer gets them included in his lunches as Mrs. P. complained of his behavior.
Here's what I do know.
When bed time arrives, Dayton will try to delay bed time by asking for a snack. I've combated this by offering him a drink and a snack before announcing it is bed time. If I am asking Dayton to do something he's not comfortable with or if it's something he doesn't like to do, he will ask for a snack. I've combated this in the same way, by offering him a snack before the task.
I've just checked his lunch bag, and he still has an apple sauce and a package of bunny crackers. So it appears he is getting more than enough food to take with him to school. Every day he comes home from school, he has plenty of lunch left over, sometimes he doesn't even touch his lunch.
On weekends, Dayton most often grazes. I find he eats more because I don't need to give him the second Biphentin as necessary at school. One of Biphentin's side effects is loss of appetite.
There are times when Dayton is uncomfortable, and sometimes he copes with his discomfort by eating. He takes after me in that respect, and thankfully has his father's metabolism.
I hope I've answered all of your questions.
Lou
Her response back to me was "thank you." Seriously! These are the actual emails I had sent, with the exception of substituting the word principal for the principal's name and the changing Mrs. P's name.
There's so many more emails I could share with you, but I thought I would share this one as it addresses my friend's concern on food and weight issues. As a parent, I feel responsible for my child's behavior. The school knows this, and they hold me accountable for his behavior. It seems as a parent, that no matter what you say, do, or write, there is always that unspoken insinuation that at the core of the problem is your parenting. Although there typically is no mention of the word "irritated," you can often sense the "tone" of the email coming through loud and clear as in this one from Dayton's principal:
Hi Lou,
Dayton and I are just talking about being kind to Jack. He just flushed one of Jack's toys down the toilet and Dayton will have to replace this toy. It is a little mini figure. He can describe it to you.
He continues to call Jack names and we have talked about this as well.
If you get a chance to call, Dayton is still with me.
Yes... because I check my email every every minute of the day... Fortunately for the principal, I do have my email set up to alert me immediately on my blackberry, so I'm aware of an email right away, as long as I have my blackberry with me that is.
Continuing on with some of the comments made on my facebook page regarding the link to this past blog, another friend had posted a link that may be of help to you if you have a picky eater. Her little guy refused to eat veggies or anything remotely healthy, and so she tricked him by giving him a veggie burger shaped as Mickey Mouse... Here's the link: http://www.sobeyscorporate.com/sustainability/customers/compliments_junior_disney.html
Let me know via email at autism.diva.help@gmail.com or by commenting on this post if there is a topic you would like to discuss.
Consider yourselves hugged!
Monday, 14 March 2011
CFS, Friend or Foe?
Many of us think of CFS (Child and Family Services) as the devil who comes and takes our children away, but did you know they offer other services?
Turns out they can be used to advocate for your children in their school! I had no clue!
Do to Dayton's behavior, his current school has called CFS twice in the last year. It's super embarrassing, and as I cried and threw a temper tantrum only a parent who's been in this horrifying position can appreciate, the worker sitting across from me sympathized with my situation. Upon hearing what the school had to say, then listen to my incoherent babble and interviewing Dayton, the file was closed immediately. Before leaving their offices, the worker asked me how she could be of help to Dayton and I, and of course my first answer was to find us a new school, a school that specialized in helping children with autism. Of course, her answer to me is an all too familiar answer most of us hear when we ask our selves where to find a school that can appreciate our little ones pattern of thought. "I'm afraid there just isn't any such school in Winnipeg... But, I do have another idea..."
"I'm all ears!!!"
"How about we find a worker who will advocate for Dayton within the school system?"
"Seriously?! You do that?"
"Yes."
"Sign me up!!!"
And she did.
In less then two weeks I got a phone call from a worker who was a temp, but offered his services right away. He came to my home, and I asked Dayton's social worker, Diana from children with special needs and disabilities to come join us for our first appointment. I mean, CFS was coming to my house, and they're the devil, right? I needed someone at the door to stop Satan if he tried to take my baby away, and Diana is afraid of no one. At least I think...
Anyways, the appointment went super well! A little uncomfortable at first, and I was totally, brutally honest with the guy, I told him it's strange working with someone who could potentially come in my home, not like my smile and take my baby, but he assured me CFS wants to work with families to keep families together. Another thought he had offered me was that having CFS come to Dayton's IEP meetings at the school shows I have a relationship with CFS and the school can not use CFS as threat when I'm bringing CFS to them! I liked this guy.
He hooked me up with some counseling, which I thought I didn't really need, but you know what? I think most of us with kids on the spectrum need someone to talk to, someone who will listen to us without judgement, and someone we can vent at. We all love our kids, no doubt about that, I would give my life for Dayton's in a blink of an eye, but there are days where my patients runs on empty, and I just need a break from having to explain every single thing... Just a little, tiny break...
It was during this counseling that I learned that someone from the school division that has an understanding of autism should be involved in the IEP process, and furthermore, should be included in the IEP meetings! I've never had anyone from the school division included in the IEP meetings, and the only people present were the principal, school guidance counselor, the resource teacher and then of course Dayton's team: his behavioral specialist I work with at home and of course Diana, Dayton's social worker from children with special needs and disabilities, and let's not forget me, his mama. I don't go to a school meeting without these two ladies, as I need their support to make it through a meeting with this school.
One more thing... they have family support workers! Depending on your income, they may charge you for this service, but since I'm on sick leave from work, our worker isn't charging us. The family support worker comes to our home once a week for an hour and a half. She provides us with information and is a sound board for me.
By having a relationship with CFS, I'm walking away with an advocate for Dayton in the school system, a counselor for myself, a proper IEP meeting where the school is accountable for what happens at school, and a family service worker. None of these things would have come about without my CFS worker.
Another plus, every email I get from the school and respond to, I forward to Brenda, my CFS worker. Everything is documented by her, so if there are any issues, she will take care of them. She's so strong! And if I have a concern with the school and email then, I make sure they see Brenda's being emailed as well. I get a response from the school immediately. Brenda's email address carries a lot of weight behind it.
Friend or Foe?
For more information on what services they offer, follow this link: /index.html http://www.gov.mb.ca/fs/pwd/index.html.
To contact the Family Support Coordinator, call 204-944-4369.
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
Turns out they can be used to advocate for your children in their school! I had no clue!
Do to Dayton's behavior, his current school has called CFS twice in the last year. It's super embarrassing, and as I cried and threw a temper tantrum only a parent who's been in this horrifying position can appreciate, the worker sitting across from me sympathized with my situation. Upon hearing what the school had to say, then listen to my incoherent babble and interviewing Dayton, the file was closed immediately. Before leaving their offices, the worker asked me how she could be of help to Dayton and I, and of course my first answer was to find us a new school, a school that specialized in helping children with autism. Of course, her answer to me is an all too familiar answer most of us hear when we ask our selves where to find a school that can appreciate our little ones pattern of thought. "I'm afraid there just isn't any such school in Winnipeg... But, I do have another idea..."
"I'm all ears!!!"
"How about we find a worker who will advocate for Dayton within the school system?"
"Seriously?! You do that?"
"Yes."
"Sign me up!!!"
And she did.
In less then two weeks I got a phone call from a worker who was a temp, but offered his services right away. He came to my home, and I asked Dayton's social worker, Diana from children with special needs and disabilities to come join us for our first appointment. I mean, CFS was coming to my house, and they're the devil, right? I needed someone at the door to stop Satan if he tried to take my baby away, and Diana is afraid of no one. At least I think...
Anyways, the appointment went super well! A little uncomfortable at first, and I was totally, brutally honest with the guy, I told him it's strange working with someone who could potentially come in my home, not like my smile and take my baby, but he assured me CFS wants to work with families to keep families together. Another thought he had offered me was that having CFS come to Dayton's IEP meetings at the school shows I have a relationship with CFS and the school can not use CFS as threat when I'm bringing CFS to them! I liked this guy.
He hooked me up with some counseling, which I thought I didn't really need, but you know what? I think most of us with kids on the spectrum need someone to talk to, someone who will listen to us without judgement, and someone we can vent at. We all love our kids, no doubt about that, I would give my life for Dayton's in a blink of an eye, but there are days where my patients runs on empty, and I just need a break from having to explain every single thing... Just a little, tiny break...
It was during this counseling that I learned that someone from the school division that has an understanding of autism should be involved in the IEP process, and furthermore, should be included in the IEP meetings! I've never had anyone from the school division included in the IEP meetings, and the only people present were the principal, school guidance counselor, the resource teacher and then of course Dayton's team: his behavioral specialist I work with at home and of course Diana, Dayton's social worker from children with special needs and disabilities, and let's not forget me, his mama. I don't go to a school meeting without these two ladies, as I need their support to make it through a meeting with this school.
One more thing... they have family support workers! Depending on your income, they may charge you for this service, but since I'm on sick leave from work, our worker isn't charging us. The family support worker comes to our home once a week for an hour and a half. She provides us with information and is a sound board for me.
By having a relationship with CFS, I'm walking away with an advocate for Dayton in the school system, a counselor for myself, a proper IEP meeting where the school is accountable for what happens at school, and a family service worker. None of these things would have come about without my CFS worker.
Another plus, every email I get from the school and respond to, I forward to Brenda, my CFS worker. Everything is documented by her, so if there are any issues, she will take care of them. She's so strong! And if I have a concern with the school and email then, I make sure they see Brenda's being emailed as well. I get a response from the school immediately. Brenda's email address carries a lot of weight behind it.
Friend or Foe?
For more information on what services they offer, follow this link: /index.html http://www.gov.mb.ca/fs/pwd/index.html.
To contact the Family Support Coordinator, call 204-944-4369.
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
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