You Don't Want My Son Around Your Kid At School? Bite Me!

And to think, it all started with this headline:  "This Is Not OK-9 Year Old With Asperger's Syndrome Handcuffed."

You have to check this story out before reading further to understand what transpired here in Winnipeg, during a radio talk show on CJOB 68:  Manitoba's Information Superstation.

The nine year old boy in the above story was bullied repeatedly through a period of time, and like anyone else, he finally blew up.  While you and I may be able to reciprocate in a verbal argument and banter back and forth, children on the autism spectrum just can't do this.  They lack the communication skills to make friends, never mind having to deal with banter and children who bully them.  What makes this worse is that the adults responsible for this little boy continually allowed the bullying, not interfering or helping the little guy out.  They are just as discriminating against this little boy as the kids who have bullied him.  As a parent of child on the autism spectrum, I trust that my son's educators will provide a haven for my child, and protect him from discrimination, not encourage it!!!  It is their job to teach ALL children to be respectful of others and accepting of diversity.  I sure have to help Dayton with this on the home front, why should it not be expected to do so on the educational front?!

The whole drama of the child boarding himself up in a room using desks and splashing paint could have easily been avoided by the aid removing him from the situation and comforting him, then disciplining the rest of the children for bullying him.  In fact, this all could have been prevented by not tolerating bullying in the first place!  When there's an issue, the parent should be called first, not the police.  My goodness...  I'm sure the little guy is completely traumatized over the experience.  This could have been Dayton, they're the same age...

Charles Adler of CJOB radio station took it a step further in discussing this case.  Instead of inviting a professional to the talk show who specializes in autism spectrum disorders, this moron invited PARENTS of children with and without the disorder to duke it out on his show.  I'd love to sit and have an interview with him.  Perhaps I should give him a call.  Actually, I think I will, right after I cut out a wooden paddle board and engrave "Lou's Board Of Education" on it. 

To listen to the broad cast, click on the link below, scroll down to the bottom where the links begin and click on CJOB Am Audio Vault Charles Adler Program On Autism And Inclusion.  The segment of the program begins at the 6 minute and 30 second point.  It's not long, I promise.  And you won't regret hearing it.  While the first speaker, Ken, makes my blood boil, saying "I really do not want to have these kids in my son's daycare or in his school, umm, my son was attacked by a kid who had autism, and I don't want them around, I don't know what you do with them, but I don't want them..."   If I met this guy Ken in person, I swear I'd shove my foot up his a$$.  It's at times like this that I lose all sense of humanity, patience and forget about my Christianity.  It's a struggle keeping the sixth commandment.  And it's a struggle not to swear my head off and shout obscenities at people who are, lets face it, dumb asses. Anyway...  the link: http://www.cosl.mb.ca/?p=1080

While I can appreciate that your child was struck with a child with autism, it is the responsibility of the child's assistant to be present and prevent this from happening in the first place.  As a parent of a child on the autism spectrum, I am mortified when I hear from the school that Dayton has struck a child, so please don't think I'm thrilled about someone getting hurt.  But at the core of any child's behavior is a reason.  Behavior is communication.  This is why children on the spectrum have an aid to help them when it comes to communication with others.  Furthermore, upon evaluating the situation and discussing it when this happens with Dayton, it turns out that Dayton either feels threatened, or is being bullied.  When he can't fight back with words, he will strike out.  So, if you don't teach your child NOT TO BULLY OR MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE, expect him to get beat up.  And as far as "these kids," I really don't want my child to be around your kid, who has no respect for those who are challenged.  So Ken, BITE ME. 


Many families have been reported in contacting advocacy groups such as the Autism Society Of Manitoba (ASM), Manitoba Families For Effective Autism Treatment (MFEAT), and Asperger's Manitoba Inc. (AMI).  These families were distraught about what they heard on the radio show, finding it offensive and handled with a complete lack of sensitivity.

Yes, hmmmm, what did the support groups have to say?  Quite a lot actually.  Here's a letter they got together to write to the head honcho of the radio station...  http://www.mbteach.org/COSL/COSL51/Letter%20from%20Asperger%20Manitoba%20in%20response%20to%20the%20Charles%20Adler%20program%20segment%20on%20Autism%20and%20Inclusion.pdf



Now, while I may be fuming over how Ken and Mary bantered back and forth in the beginning of Charles Adler's radio talk show, I do have to agree with some of what was said in the segment.  Many families with children on the autism spectrum, including myself, agree that "inclusion" is not working well.  It is not working because our kids are not really given a fair chance.  Teachers and assistants are not properly trained or educated in order to adequately "include" our kids.  In the same breath, is it really appropriate for us as parents of children on the autism spectrum to demand our educators to get years of extra training?  Would it take years?  I'm not sure, but I know that at this stage, our educators and assistants are not mandated to take extra training on autism...  Who's responsibility is it to ensure that educators are trained properly?  The government mandated "inclusion," yet hasn't given our educators the tools and know how to do their job.  While I am grateful for "inclusion" and not having my babe dropped off at a building for the rejects, I also think that if the government is not prepared to give money to empower our educators to educate our children, then perhaps segregating our children in a school with professionals that are trained to teach our children should be looked at.

As much as my heart breaks in admitting this, my babe has interrupted his classroom with his fits that stem from not being understood, or frustration at not understanding his school work and feeling dumb.  It's not fair to him or the rest of his classmates.  It's just not fair...  I want more for my child, and I know that given the tools, my son could learn and be a contributing member of society.  Why is this too much to ask for?


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

I Could If I Would But I Can't

At the core of the problem in today's school system of inclusion is "belief."  Our kids on the higher end of the autism spectrum disorder just look too good, therefore they can't possibly have deficits or needs.  They're a bunch of spoiled brats who don't pay attention and choose to throw temper tantrums to get out of doing their work.  They're a menace to the classroom and are constantly interrupting important lectures.  They refuse to fit in with the rest of the kids, and love to physically fight their class mates.  This is NOT true.  Unfortunately, this is pretty much what the current school system thinks of our kids. They don't BELIEVE that our children are "neurologically different."   Our kids can talk, walk, run, and sit just like the rest of the student body.  When they don't, the school staff believe that our kids don't do as expected by their own choice.

If our children wore leg braces, you'd have teachers and aids ligning up to help them, there would be no doubt as to their deficits and need for help.  People in general are just more apt to believe there's a problem when they can SEE the problem.  PDD-NOS is not something you can visually see, neither is high functioning autism or Aspergers.  When the problem is visual and obvious, people are just much more likely to HELP.  The presence of intelligence, strengths, and actual talents make it even harder for teachers to be believe there are real, concrete deficits.

No parent wants to think of segregating their child.  Segregation brings horrible pictures to mind of "No blacks allowed," and "whites only."  But the fact of the matter is, our kids are horribly misunderstood.  Who's fault is this?  Certainly not the parents.  Most parents are more than happy to share with their child's school things that work for their children and things that don't.  I know I most certainly do.  The problem is that the school staff really don't have the time to listen to what I have to say, as I am not an expert on the subject.  "They," on the other hand, are well meaning "professionals," who know what my child needs.  Their experience and expertise on what works on typical children is what they believe will work for my son.  And then they wonder why they have problems...

The most frustrating part of raising a child with a neurological difference, such as autism, aspergers and PDD-NOS, is not the child themselves...  it's trying to convince others the enormity of the child's deficits.  Deficit areas such as language (understanding rhetorical questions), sensory issues (Dayton can't certain sounds, for example music class is super painful for him, or the feel of new socks), theory of mind (thinking about how another person thinks or why they react they way they do, for example emotions), problem solving, anxiety, consistency in their scheduled days, social skills, play skills, motor issues (Dayton is 9, and he still can't tie his shoes because his fingers can't manipulate the shoe laces), spacial orientation (where the body is in space, for example co-ordination).

If inclusion in our school systems is to work, I think it is vital for them to understand these deficits and BELIEVE them.  Their disbelief is not only affecting our children, but the typical children as well.  Think about it.  If a busy classroom with colorful walls overstimulates my child and he has a melt down, it affects the entire classroom.  The one most affected is my child along with me, since he will now be suspended and I have to leave work to go and get him.  My boss is not pleased at all the work I am missing and my students also suffer the consequences.  When a teacher uses an idiom such as "hold your horses" and my son responds with "what horses?" the teacher automatically assumes Dayton is being disrespectful and sends him to the office.  Dayton of course throws a fit because he's answered her question and doesn't understand why he's being sent to the office.  I am called to pick him up AGAIN. 

By the time I get to the school, Dayton is furious, has punched the walls, pushed teachers and children out of his way because he's super frustrated at trying to understand what he's done wrong and no one is answering him.  He feels picked on and not important.  In his anger he screams, scaring the children around him.

Here's a perfect example of total and complete miscommunication between school staff and Dayton from last February:

Little Johnny has a hole in his back pack.  Dayton sees the hole and he just can't help himself...  He sticks his finger in the hole and rips the back pack further.  (Impulse control deficit, this is not an excuse, but an explanation as to why he did this).  Dayton's teacher and aid are standing across the room watching Dayton do this.  The teacher the approaches Dayton and asks him "Dayton, did you rip Johnny's back pack?"
Dayton:  "No."  (Language deficit.  Dayton has answered the question asked truthfully.  He is literal.  He did not rip the back pack, it was already ripped.  Dayton is not able to articulate this).
Teacher:  "Yes, yes you did, I watched you do it."
Dayton tries to back away from the teacher, but she follows.  In order to get away from her he moves a desk.  This is viewed as "aggressive behavior."  The aid now approaches Dayton from the other side and the two women figure they can corner him.  Can you see where this is heading?  

Dayton's throat was so sore, he couldn't talk or eat for a few days after the incident.  I had to force him to drink.  He had lots of smoothies and milkshakes as meals.  Naturally, I kept him home for those days.

Inclusion...  does it really work?  Not for us.  It's been a literal hell.  A facebook friend said it perfectly:  "There are two types of inclusion, genuine and cosmetic.  What our kids are getting most often is cosmetic inclusion.  They're in the classroom, and it all looks good, but that's about where it ends."



Consider yourselves hugged!

Lou