Scary thought. The psychiatric community is changing the the criteria in diagnosing mental disorders, including the autism spectrum disorder. The autism community is freaking out, as the separate diagnoses such as classic autism, asperger's syndrome and PDD-NOS (Dayton's diagnosis) are no longer going to be classified by their "type" of autism, but lumped into one diagnosis: AUTISM. Period.
I'm not quite sure how to feel about this myself. But I know that the diagnosis for PDD-NOS has caused confusion with Dayton's educators. Now that he's diagnosis will be AUTISM, there should be less confusion. Unless of course "they've" made it more difficult to diagnose a child with autism... That's a whole new story.
If you're concerned about you child keeping their diagnosis, make an appointment with your child psychologist and ask him straight out!
Anyways, here's the link for the new DSM V diagnostic manual for the autism spectrum disorder: http://www.dsm5.org/ProposedRevision/Pages/proposedrevision.aspx?rid=94
This revision was approved last week. What are your thoughts? As for us, it seems even though Dayton fits on the higher end of the autism spectrum, he still meets the criteria listed in the new DSM.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Showing posts with label PDD-NOS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PDD-NOS. Show all posts
Friday, 27 January 2012
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
Autism De'Light
Certain things worry me about Dayton, visible things...
The older he gets, the more I believe in his diagnosis; it's as though he's grown into it.
The way he fidgets because his underwear "pinches, but they're not too small or too big mamma." The way he slouches his shoulders no matter how much I'm after him to sit up straight and "pull your shoulders back!" The way his body is always itchy and he feels compelled to scratch like crazy at times, especially when cuddling with me on the sofa. The way he doesn't process temperature (in the summer at 35 C's he's wearing a long sleeved shirt hoodie and jeans, in the winter at -35 C's he's wearing his winter coat unzipped). The way he chews the skin off the end of his fingers (and it doesn't hurt him to do this), the way he stares off into space as though pausing a movie then pressing play as he continues from where he left off... the way he writes, talks, acts around others...
If you sat down with my babe for half an hour, you'd say I was nuts. "There's nothing wrong with him," is something I hear often... But spend a week with him, and you'd notice these little things too. And these little things all add up, don't they?
I woke up to the radio last week to hear a Charles Adler show in session about autism and how the 'high end of the spectrum' is being over diagnosed all the time.
Let's put this into perspective most of us can understand...
How many of us have struggled or been concerned about adding an extra few pounds? How many of us have been ten or twenty or thirty or forty or fifty lbs over weight or more? News flash: The pain of being a little over weight is painful, just as being very over weight is. Pain is pain. As a parent, am I grateful that Dayton fits on the higher end of the autism spectrum? Absolutely, but in some ways, I can't help but think if he fit on the lower end of the spectrum, people would make accommodations for him that they don't now, nor will they in the future. Dayton is and will be viewed as a little 'odd.' And that hurts. A lot.
I've heard the term 'autism light' many times; you'd think I'd be immune to it, but it still makes me cringe when someone refers to PDD-NOS as autism light. It's far from light. It hasn't been light on Dayton. It's been hard, very hard.
I am very fortunate to finally have a teacher that understands my babe and cares about him and his education. We have faced others who really couldn't have cared less. Even worse, I swear they even looked for an excuse to get him suspended so they wouldn't have to deal with him. Knowing that a teacher does not care for your child is difficult, and I am so blessed to not have to deal with that this year. I've been praying for four years to have a teacher like the one Dayton has now. Four long years... I thank the Lord for her every morning, EVERY MORNING.
Had Dayton been diagnosed with classic autism, I bet the previous four teachers would have made allowances for his behaviour and cognitive delays, but alas they did not. Instead of wording their questions in a way where Dayton didn't take them 'literally,' they engaged in full out war with him and had a power struggle with a cognitively delayed child, constantly forgetting that even though Dayton may chronologically be seven, eight or nine years old, he was actually mentally comprehending of that of a five, six or seven year old little boy. This resulted in extreme physical altercations between my child and the school staff, where one time it took four teachers to hold my then fifty pound child to the floor.
So for those parents who think my child has 'autism light,' I ask that you take a moment, bite your tongue and acknowledge the fact that my pain is just as real as yours. My struggles are just as real as yours and my concerns, worries and panic attacks in the middle of the night are also just as real as yours. My tears are wet too, just like yours.
As dad Paul always reminds me at the end of a phone call, consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
The older he gets, the more I believe in his diagnosis; it's as though he's grown into it.
The way he fidgets because his underwear "pinches, but they're not too small or too big mamma." The way he slouches his shoulders no matter how much I'm after him to sit up straight and "pull your shoulders back!" The way his body is always itchy and he feels compelled to scratch like crazy at times, especially when cuddling with me on the sofa. The way he doesn't process temperature (in the summer at 35 C's he's wearing a long sleeved shirt hoodie and jeans, in the winter at -35 C's he's wearing his winter coat unzipped). The way he chews the skin off the end of his fingers (and it doesn't hurt him to do this), the way he stares off into space as though pausing a movie then pressing play as he continues from where he left off... the way he writes, talks, acts around others...
If you sat down with my babe for half an hour, you'd say I was nuts. "There's nothing wrong with him," is something I hear often... But spend a week with him, and you'd notice these little things too. And these little things all add up, don't they?
I woke up to the radio last week to hear a Charles Adler show in session about autism and how the 'high end of the spectrum' is being over diagnosed all the time.
Let's put this into perspective most of us can understand...
How many of us have struggled or been concerned about adding an extra few pounds? How many of us have been ten or twenty or thirty or forty or fifty lbs over weight or more? News flash: The pain of being a little over weight is painful, just as being very over weight is. Pain is pain. As a parent, am I grateful that Dayton fits on the higher end of the autism spectrum? Absolutely, but in some ways, I can't help but think if he fit on the lower end of the spectrum, people would make accommodations for him that they don't now, nor will they in the future. Dayton is and will be viewed as a little 'odd.' And that hurts. A lot.
I've heard the term 'autism light' many times; you'd think I'd be immune to it, but it still makes me cringe when someone refers to PDD-NOS as autism light. It's far from light. It hasn't been light on Dayton. It's been hard, very hard.
I am very fortunate to finally have a teacher that understands my babe and cares about him and his education. We have faced others who really couldn't have cared less. Even worse, I swear they even looked for an excuse to get him suspended so they wouldn't have to deal with him. Knowing that a teacher does not care for your child is difficult, and I am so blessed to not have to deal with that this year. I've been praying for four years to have a teacher like the one Dayton has now. Four long years... I thank the Lord for her every morning, EVERY MORNING.
Had Dayton been diagnosed with classic autism, I bet the previous four teachers would have made allowances for his behaviour and cognitive delays, but alas they did not. Instead of wording their questions in a way where Dayton didn't take them 'literally,' they engaged in full out war with him and had a power struggle with a cognitively delayed child, constantly forgetting that even though Dayton may chronologically be seven, eight or nine years old, he was actually mentally comprehending of that of a five, six or seven year old little boy. This resulted in extreme physical altercations between my child and the school staff, where one time it took four teachers to hold my then fifty pound child to the floor.
So for those parents who think my child has 'autism light,' I ask that you take a moment, bite your tongue and acknowledge the fact that my pain is just as real as yours. My struggles are just as real as yours and my concerns, worries and panic attacks in the middle of the night are also just as real as yours. My tears are wet too, just like yours.
As dad Paul always reminds me at the end of a phone call, consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Tuesday, 29 November 2011
Positive Things Can Happen Once You Accept Your Child's Diagnos-is/es
A wonderful autism mom had posted this question to the Autism Winnipeg Facebook Wall:
"What do you think is the best thing that has happened to you because your child was diagnosed with autism?"
Excuse me?!
Good question! When I first read the question, I could have spat in the woman's face for asking it in the first place. What the hell do you mean?! All these appointments that I keep having to have in order to take care of my child's autism, the failure of being to teach him when I can teach adults from a foreign country 800 chemicals in their generic and brand names... holly crap, yeah, I feel like I've failed my son... Lets not forget the judging people all around me, telling me if I only disciplined Dayton better... The teachers who have man handled my baby because my baby was not "complying." My anger was getting seriously out of control, trying to remember where I stored the baseball bat from our summer play... but then... I thought about her question, and how my personality has changed since Dayton's diagnoses, for the better (yes, I know, how ironic since I was just looking for my baseball bat, right?! Don't judge people, I'm sure you've all been there yourself).
I sat myself down after having a traumatic evening with Dayton being sick. He came home from school, sat at the dining room table to eat his supper and wham! Started puking like there was no tomorrow. Now, I know I'm no master chef, but seriously kid, I do the best I can! You've survived for ten years with my burned toast and charcoal soup cooking, you should have an iron stomach by now...
Sitting back with a nice glass of shiraz (teachers, educational assistants, school division, better than thou people - back away from the phone and DO NOT call CFS; they said I'm within my rights to live a normal life.) to settle the nerves AFTER Dayton was in bed asleep, I thought about this autism mom's question again...
Hmmmm.... Life before PDD-NOS (high functioning autism), ADHD, ODD, OCD, global developmental delays... You know that Nytol commercial where the husband gives his wife the Nytol and tells her "it's like life before we had kids..." and you see the woman waking up in the morning in a beautiful white bed with red rose petals and gorgeous hair? Hmmmmm... Life was really never quite that good, but man was it good!
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| Hair before Dayton... |
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| Hair after... |
Dayton's diagnoses cured me of that shyness... Now I'm a loud mouthed red neck (with perfect teeth and good grammar, those things are really important to me). A total change over my dear friends. I say it like it is and be done with it. No beating around the bush. I either like you or I don't. If I love you, I love you passionately. I don't play games. I tell you what I think, I yell at you if I think you've deserved it, and I cry when you hurt my feelings, sometimes right in front of you. I am real, honest, sincere and have no edit filter. I am what I am said Sam I am. In order to advocate for Dayton and his rights, I've had to let go of that quiet, shy girl and become the suave red neck I am today.
I used to be afraid of pain. Any kind of pain. Emotional, physical... I have a mutant gene that causes breast and ovarian cancer. I didn't want to go through the pain of surgery and the embarrassment of a mastectomy; of not having nipples and be a road map of scar tissue and not be attractive to a man ever again.
Dayton's diagnoses changed all that. I don't care if you don't like what you see, turn the other cheek. My son taught me to survive, and live my life to the fullest. Dayton's courage to deal with his own challenges gave me the courage and drive to be a survivor myself. Besides, I wanna live to see my baby's babies. Now I'm not afraid of pain, or piercings... a whole other story.
Until last summer, I used to be a nice and sweet, never hurt your feelings kind of girl. I'd give you the shirt off my back, even if it meant I would be exposed for all to see in my glorious embarrassment. I always had put myself on the back burner and put everyone ahead of me. I never wanted to disappoint anyone around me, even if it meant that to make others happy, I would be miserable.
Hmmmm.... Dayton's diagnoses did change some of this, but I'm still working on some of it... I still care very much about peoples needs, but I've come to a limit of self preservation, which is a very important thing to do. Sometimes we can help others too much. I need to remind myself of that. Sometimes people take advantage of my good nature, which naturally ticks me right off. I'm kind of going through that right now with my supposed best friend. Um hum... Not going there tonight.
I used to pity people with a handicap or disability. Dayton's diagnoses changed that too. I now have a respect and admiration for people with a disability. They are my heroes... How many times has a stranger said: "I'm so sorry" when I tell them of Dayton's autism... or well meaning friends "I don't know how you do it Lou..." Well, how do you think Dayton does it? How do you think the handicapped man across the street does it? That's what's truly amazing, isn't it?
Finally, I used to look at Dayton as a child. Now I see him in a new light... He's my teacher. Dayton sees things in a whole different way, he thinks outside the proverbial box our employers continually beg us to. He is AMAZING...
So, I'm dying to hear... I WANT TO KNOW, SO TELL ME: What do you think is the best thing that has happened to you because your child was diagnosed with autism?
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Monday, 14 November 2011
Time For A New Me?
Between visiting with friends in Campbell River, BC and catching up with friends here in Winnipeg after my return from BC, then meeting Super Dad, I've been thinking about how people change. Am I the same person I was ten years ago? Definitely not! I was dating, and Dayton wasn't quite a twinkle in his daddy's eye. I was fit, working out religiously, cautious of my diet and even dabbled in body building... I had energy galore! And now...
Had a baby by C-section (surgery numero uno), then a hysterectomy and later a bi-lateral mastectomy with a tram-flap (a 16 hour medical surgery that took close to 20 hours)... My energy levels have depleted and my body shape is a whole lot different... I mean waaaaay different.
My friend Jen who had moved to BC in September has completely changed since I had seen her three months ago. Never really a 'big girl,' she now looks like a freaking super model! Mind you, she's 24 years old and has no kids, but still! She's completely changed her life and is actually so in love with hot yoga, she's decided to teach it! She's also become a vegetarian, which I think is awesome... I have an aversion to touching raw meat... a whole new story in itself...
Another friend, Kim, has lost over 75 lbs in less than a year! An amazing accomplishment! She looks fantastic!!! She made us supper one night during our stay in Campbell River, and I couldn't stop staring at her. I'm sure she thought I had changed too... not only wider in the hips but gone a little 'weird.' Sure didn't help that she wore these cute camouflage capri's with something spelled out in shiny diamond rhinestones on her behind... That was really distracting, as we all know how much I like pretty, shiny bling, never mind the fact that the size of her behind used to be twice the size it is now! She's lost the equivalent of a 6th grader people!!!
When I got home from BC, my friend picked me up at the airport... She had been losing weight for the last three months, and I couldn't believe how much more weight she had lost in the two weeks I had been gone... I went for walks with her and her kids and Dayton on bikes, roller blades and a third one walking with us... It was embarrassing! I was left in the dust with their family dog (an ankle biting mini poodle I jokingly call 'killer,' which the dog answers to now). I swear when I looked up in the sky I saw vultures circling up high above us, waiting for me to pass out beside the dog. I decided that walking outside was no longer an option and that indoor workouts would need to begin or I was OUT.
Finally, Super Dad. While I may have just met him, talking to him over a cup of coffee and listening to his story, he's gone through some major changes in life this past year himself. Some changes he had no choice in, like the loss of his beloved wife and becoming a single parent of five. Other changes he had partial control of, like knowing he was about to lose his job and deciding if it was going to happen, it would happen on his terms. And the change he had control of, his career. Changing careers from a produce manager to a teacher's assistant is a huge change! These two careers have absolutely nothing in common! But he's doing it. With a smile on his face. No gritting his teeth and no feeling sorry for himself about anything!
These three friends listed above have one thing in common... COURAGE.
It's my birthday today, and I'm thinking to myself 'am I happy with choices I've made in my life? Is there anything I can do to change what I don't like, my career, my health, my scope of influence? If so, do I have the courage to change?'
Is this what they call a mid life crisis? Maybe, but I can see where my life needs to change. I need a better 'balance' in my life. For the past five years I've been eating, breathing, drinking, dreaming autism, ADHD, OCD, ODD, PDD-NOS and global delays. I've been reading and now this past year writing about it. I'm not suggesting I stop any of it, I just need to find some time to myself to rejuvenate. I need some 'me' time, where I focus on what it is that I want and what I NEED. All this time I've thought how selfish it is to do anything for me and take that time away from Dayton, but I'm finally starting to realize that while I am taking care of every single one of Dayton's needs, I've neglected the most important one of all: giving Dayton a healthy, well rounded mom. Everyone deserves one of those, right?
"The true definition of insanity: Doing the same task over and over, and expecting a different outcome" - Albert Einstein
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Had a baby by C-section (surgery numero uno), then a hysterectomy and later a bi-lateral mastectomy with a tram-flap (a 16 hour medical surgery that took close to 20 hours)... My energy levels have depleted and my body shape is a whole lot different... I mean waaaaay different.
My friend Jen who had moved to BC in September has completely changed since I had seen her three months ago. Never really a 'big girl,' she now looks like a freaking super model! Mind you, she's 24 years old and has no kids, but still! She's completely changed her life and is actually so in love with hot yoga, she's decided to teach it! She's also become a vegetarian, which I think is awesome... I have an aversion to touching raw meat... a whole new story in itself...
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| Jen hiking with Dayton and I, and yes, there were vultures circling above me there too. |
Another friend, Kim, has lost over 75 lbs in less than a year! An amazing accomplishment! She looks fantastic!!! She made us supper one night during our stay in Campbell River, and I couldn't stop staring at her. I'm sure she thought I had changed too... not only wider in the hips but gone a little 'weird.' Sure didn't help that she wore these cute camouflage capri's with something spelled out in shiny diamond rhinestones on her behind... That was really distracting, as we all know how much I like pretty, shiny bling, never mind the fact that the size of her behind used to be twice the size it is now! She's lost the equivalent of a 6th grader people!!!
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| My weight loss guru, she's gorgeous! |
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| Not the best picture of Shelley, but she doesn't read my blog anyway... LOL!!! |
Finally, Super Dad. While I may have just met him, talking to him over a cup of coffee and listening to his story, he's gone through some major changes in life this past year himself. Some changes he had no choice in, like the loss of his beloved wife and becoming a single parent of five. Other changes he had partial control of, like knowing he was about to lose his job and deciding if it was going to happen, it would happen on his terms. And the change he had control of, his career. Changing careers from a produce manager to a teacher's assistant is a huge change! These two careers have absolutely nothing in common! But he's doing it. With a smile on his face. No gritting his teeth and no feeling sorry for himself about anything!
 |
| Unfortunately, the only picture I have of Super Dad... LOL |
It's my birthday today, and I'm thinking to myself 'am I happy with choices I've made in my life? Is there anything I can do to change what I don't like, my career, my health, my scope of influence? If so, do I have the courage to change?'
Is this what they call a mid life crisis? Maybe, but I can see where my life needs to change. I need a better 'balance' in my life. For the past five years I've been eating, breathing, drinking, dreaming autism, ADHD, OCD, ODD, PDD-NOS and global delays. I've been reading and now this past year writing about it. I'm not suggesting I stop any of it, I just need to find some time to myself to rejuvenate. I need some 'me' time, where I focus on what it is that I want and what I NEED. All this time I've thought how selfish it is to do anything for me and take that time away from Dayton, but I'm finally starting to realize that while I am taking care of every single one of Dayton's needs, I've neglected the most important one of all: giving Dayton a healthy, well rounded mom. Everyone deserves one of those, right?
"The true definition of insanity: Doing the same task over and over, and expecting a different outcome" - Albert Einstein
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Friday, 28 October 2011
Grandpa's Funeral
Wednesday's weather forecast was dull, gray and rainy... The funeral set for 12:15pm to match with Grandpa Jerry's time of death on Thursday.
Grandpa Jerry's funeral was short and sweet, just the way the man himself was. Short, sweet and to the point. He had zero patience when it came to anything that took too long. "Say what's on your mind and be done with it already" was his attitude.
Dayton was devastated. He cried through the whole funeral, making me having to 'keep it together.' But once the bagpipes came out, I lost it along with him. That is one thing Jerry and Dayton have in common, the love for bagpipes. While Dayton can not handle loud noises or music class in school, he loves the loudest instrument of all... bagpipes.
It was odd to see Dayton so devastated over her grandpa's death. The two of them barely spoke, and lived so far away from each other, separated by two provinces and just under 1300 miles... Dayton seemed unfazed by the news of his grandpa's illness while at home in Winnipeg, but now that we're here in BC, that's all changed.
The poor boy's developed a rash all over the right side of his face, from his forehead to his jaw. His right eye hurts and is red. I took him to the doctor's office and he said he had no idea what the problem was. When I told him that Dayton has PDD-NOS, he had no clue what that meant. I had to explain it was a high functioning form of autism... once he understood we both agreed that the rash may be due to stress. Fantastic, thanks for your help doc. Benadryl hasn't helped much, telling me it's not an allergy, but at least the Advil is helping Dayton with the pain.
The pastor had prayed that the rain would stop at least for the burial, and God answered his prayer. The rain let up just long enough for us to finish the ceremony.
I wanted to keep a copy of the eulogy Jerry's daughter Monica wrote for her brother in law to read at the funeral, and I thought what better place to keep it than here... At least I won't lose it, and I can share the beautiful eulogy with you all.
Grandpa Jerry's funeral was short and sweet, just the way the man himself was. Short, sweet and to the point. He had zero patience when it came to anything that took too long. "Say what's on your mind and be done with it already" was his attitude.
Dayton was devastated. He cried through the whole funeral, making me having to 'keep it together.' But once the bagpipes came out, I lost it along with him. That is one thing Jerry and Dayton have in common, the love for bagpipes. While Dayton can not handle loud noises or music class in school, he loves the loudest instrument of all... bagpipes.
It was odd to see Dayton so devastated over her grandpa's death. The two of them barely spoke, and lived so far away from each other, separated by two provinces and just under 1300 miles... Dayton seemed unfazed by the news of his grandpa's illness while at home in Winnipeg, but now that we're here in BC, that's all changed.
The poor boy's developed a rash all over the right side of his face, from his forehead to his jaw. His right eye hurts and is red. I took him to the doctor's office and he said he had no idea what the problem was. When I told him that Dayton has PDD-NOS, he had no clue what that meant. I had to explain it was a high functioning form of autism... once he understood we both agreed that the rash may be due to stress. Fantastic, thanks for your help doc. Benadryl hasn't helped much, telling me it's not an allergy, but at least the Advil is helping Dayton with the pain.
The pastor had prayed that the rain would stop at least for the burial, and God answered his prayer. The rain let up just long enough for us to finish the ceremony.
I wanted to keep a copy of the eulogy Jerry's daughter Monica wrote for her brother in law to read at the funeral, and I thought what better place to keep it than here... At least I won't lose it, and I can share the beautiful eulogy with you all.
Well I’m pretty sure that a few years ago Jerry probably would not have expected an Australian giving his eulogy – but here I am. For those of you who don’t know me my name is Iain – Jerry’s son-in-law. I have been given the honor of presenting Jerry’s Eulogy and representing his family – returning the favor just over a year after when Jerry gave the father of the Brides speech at our wedding. First a big thank you to all of you who shared your love, condolences and memories with us over the past few days – it has meant a lot to us and thanks for coming and showing our family that Jerry holds a special place in your heart. And a special thanks to those of you who have traveled from afar to be here and support us and to Brian Shaw, a dear friend of Jerry`s for playing the bagpipes today.
While I have only known Jerry a few years, I feel particularly close having spent some intimate time with him, a relatively large Canadian Elk, and a chainsaw. That certainly was a life changing experience for me – Jerry definitely had his out-of-the-box solutions for things.
Jerry Abraham Toews was born in 1947 in Smithers B.C. At around the age of 5 nearly hung himself. He was playing around an old, scrap car when he jumped off and his collar was caught. He was blue in the face by the time he was found and spent a month in hospital recovering. We have been very lucky for every moment of Jerry’s life as there were several near death events in his life.
Jerry came from a very large family – his father being one of 17 children, some of who are here for Jerry today. Jerry also had 7 siblings who all have a remarkable resemblance to him. When he was around 4 years old he nearly chopped off his older brother Ernie’s finger with an axe and in his early years had his front teeth knocked out by his younger sister Susie during a fight over a hockey stick – perhaps that’s why he didn’t enjoy watching hockey or other related sports? One thing is for certain - he had a special place in his heart for each of his brothers and sisters.
In 1970, Jerry met Margaret nee Bjorklund. In the early days, it was obvious Jerry was very fond of Margaret – so much that one day he wore a very large corsage Maggie gave him. Jerry later married Margaret and spent the rest of his life with her – the next 38 years.
Through marriage Jerry was blessed with 2 sons who he loved very much. Shortly after getting married, Jerry, Margaret, Glen and Dale moved to Campbell River where, to add to their family they had a beautiful daughter, Sheila and only 1 year later, twins. When Margaret was 8 months pregnant they found out they were having not only one but two babies!!! He was in so much shock he did not eat for three days. From then on, Jerry called each of the kids `Brat` - an endearing term to prevent him from getting the kids` mixed up. Jerry was then blessed with 10 grandkids with one more on the way.
Jerry was a very private, strong and proud man. He was proud of his country and British Columbia, which is deeply evident by his love for hunting, fishing and the wilderness. His love for the country worked hand in hand with his job as a truck driver – it provided an opportunity to explore the country, spend time alone, visit family, and take magnificent photos through the windscreen.
But his love for exploring was grounded – he simply refused to fly so he could never visit Monica & Carrie who live in Australia. So when the girls decided to get married together in Canada he was extremely excited.
While Jerry loved fishing and hunting Jerry loved of his family most of all. In his last few months, he wanted to leave Margaret something special – so with some help from Ernie, his son-in-law Mike, and a few others he finally build the extended patio Margaret had been asking for the past 35 years. After Jerry found out he had cancer he decided he wanted to visit Australia and make that commitment – yes, he was going to fly and has his passport to prove it. That would have been a huge milestone for Jerry as he was dead set against flying.
For those that knew Jerry well, also knew he had a quirky humor. Jerry had this humor until the day he died, sticking up a for sale sign with a bold Sold Banner for Margaret`s surprise on her return trip, or asking for a `cute` nurse in a humorous way. Thanks to all his Legion mates who helped play the Sold Banner prank on Maggie – he loved spending time with you, playing a game of pool and having a drink – it would only have been made better by taking away the house rule `ball in hand rule``.
In his last few years, he said that if he passed away he would not regret his life – he loved his life with Margaret and was extremely proud and happy to have his life fulfilled with his kids and grandchildren.
Well Jerry, I can say that you will be greatly missed but far from forgotten – we will hear you in the memories that are stored in our hearts and told and retold to our children. We will hear you each time we hear Alan Jackson or a great country music song. And we are all humming your tune, ``um-hum`. And yes, Jerry, you are here in the eyes of those gather here. I can see you in each of your children, your grandchildren, and your siblings. And I especially see you in Margaret, and in the love she holds for all of us. You have taught and given us so much strength and love that you will never be forgotten.
No Jerry, you will never be forgotten. Rest in peace.
Lou
Thursday, 5 May 2011
My Acceptance Of Dayton's Diagnoses
I say diagnoses as he has many, but the most life altering one is obviously the autism one. Dayton's ADHD can be challenging as he has a fire lit under his butt most of the time and needs to touch everything twice in 15 minutes, but it really doesn't impair his learning as much as the PDD-NOS diagnosis.
We've gone through the steps of grief, and I don't have it all together yet, but acceptance is the act of letting go and allowing Dayton to be who he is peacefully. I hope all of us parents can do this, not for the sake of my cause, but for you and your child. Acceptance does not mean you will not worry about your child's future. But... you will see your child improve and be much, much happier.
I fear for this unpredictable child who is not only out of step with the world, but whose feet rarely touch the ground. With his insatiable curiosity and hardheaded drive, will he beat paths of greatness and discovery, the likes of Winston Churchill or Michelangelo? I want to believe that. Or will he find his measure of happiness drifting in and out of this world, living solely off his enthusiasm, imagination, and penchant for living life to its fullest?
Then one day I saw Dayton clearly in the lines of Henry David Thoreau. He wrote, "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears."
I quit beating my drum for conformity and listened to his beat for a while. His pace was a bit more relaxed, the order of his schedule a bit different. For example, watching a caterpillar cross the driveway took precedent over taking a bath. Finishing a pair of homemade stilts preceded dinner. The awe of discovering newborn birds in the spouting beat reading about "Look At Spot Run."
Knowing about mental flexibility helps you to accept those behaviors that are resistant to change and better understand some of the behaviors you have previously found unacceptable. What would have driven you crazy before, now can even be viewed as endearing. As situations arise, you are better equipped to pick your battles, deciding whether to address it and explain, or accept it and enjoy who they are at that moment in time. Understanding the impact that lack of mental flexibility has on their behavior can go a long way towards improving the quality of life for all involved.
If you're struggling in recognizing your child's mental flexibility, drop me an email and lets talk about it.
Acceptance. It goes hand in hand with understanding. Once you take the time to observe your child, and ask yourself questions as "who, what, where, when and how," you will get the understanding. Put yourself in your child's shoes and see through his/her eyes. Once you come to understand, you will accept. Understanding takes time and patience. Trust me, I'm as inpatient as one can get, so if I can do it, so can you.
I always thought that I would have so much to teach my child, but I find that it is my child who has taught me. I'm beginning to appreciate Dayton for his differences. I know it's changed many of my previous perspectives and made me a different person. Much, much different, and I have my son to thank for this. I am perfectly, imperfect.
Now stop beating the drum of conformity. Put the drum down, and just back away... Your child will connect much more strongly with you, and work on conforming on his own time. The more we force it, the more they will resist. In his or her own time, they will pick the drum up themselves.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
We've gone through the steps of grief, and I don't have it all together yet, but acceptance is the act of letting go and allowing Dayton to be who he is peacefully. I hope all of us parents can do this, not for the sake of my cause, but for you and your child. Acceptance does not mean you will not worry about your child's future. But... you will see your child improve and be much, much happier.
I fear for this unpredictable child who is not only out of step with the world, but whose feet rarely touch the ground. With his insatiable curiosity and hardheaded drive, will he beat paths of greatness and discovery, the likes of Winston Churchill or Michelangelo? I want to believe that. Or will he find his measure of happiness drifting in and out of this world, living solely off his enthusiasm, imagination, and penchant for living life to its fullest?
Then one day I saw Dayton clearly in the lines of Henry David Thoreau. He wrote, "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears."
I quit beating my drum for conformity and listened to his beat for a while. His pace was a bit more relaxed, the order of his schedule a bit different. For example, watching a caterpillar cross the driveway took precedent over taking a bath. Finishing a pair of homemade stilts preceded dinner. The awe of discovering newborn birds in the spouting beat reading about "Look At Spot Run."
Knowing about mental flexibility helps you to accept those behaviors that are resistant to change and better understand some of the behaviors you have previously found unacceptable. What would have driven you crazy before, now can even be viewed as endearing. As situations arise, you are better equipped to pick your battles, deciding whether to address it and explain, or accept it and enjoy who they are at that moment in time. Understanding the impact that lack of mental flexibility has on their behavior can go a long way towards improving the quality of life for all involved.
If you're struggling in recognizing your child's mental flexibility, drop me an email and lets talk about it.
Acceptance. It goes hand in hand with understanding. Once you take the time to observe your child, and ask yourself questions as "who, what, where, when and how," you will get the understanding. Put yourself in your child's shoes and see through his/her eyes. Once you come to understand, you will accept. Understanding takes time and patience. Trust me, I'm as inpatient as one can get, so if I can do it, so can you.
I always thought that I would have so much to teach my child, but I find that it is my child who has taught me. I'm beginning to appreciate Dayton for his differences. I know it's changed many of my previous perspectives and made me a different person. Much, much different, and I have my son to thank for this. I am perfectly, imperfect.
Now stop beating the drum of conformity. Put the drum down, and just back away... Your child will connect much more strongly with you, and work on conforming on his own time. The more we force it, the more they will resist. In his or her own time, they will pick the drum up themselves.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Sunday, 1 May 2011
How Autism Changes One's Life
So... some of you out there have been living with autism for a while, and know exactly how the diagnosis affects your life. Some of you out there are friends of mine, or friends of friends, or friends of friends of friends... you know, wanting to be supportive and reading what I post, but sitting there thinking "What the hell is she talking about, I just can't relate..." God bless you for trying! You truly are good friends! Maybe you're new to autism, and wondering what the road ahead looks like. So, let's go to the very beginning, shall we my dears?
Let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees... kidding!
Autism, the definition: a group of developmental disabilities that can cause significant communication, social and behavioral challenges. Developmental... what is that? Exactly what is sounds like... the mile stones every child meets are met late... Their learning is impaired... Okey dokey... so ummmmm, what does this look like for those of us involved in the daily care of loved ones with autism?
First, you receive the diagnosis. Just to make our life even more confusing, we have 5 types of autism spectrum disorders, also known as "Pervasive Developmental Disorders." They range from a severe form called autistic disorder, also known as classic autism, to a milder form called Asperger Syndrome. If a child has symptoms of either of these disorders, but does not meet the specific criteria for either, the diagnosis is called pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS. This is the form of autism Dayton is diagnosed with). Other rare, very severe disorders that are included in the autism spectrum disorders are Rett Syndrome and childhood disintegrative disorder. Now that you've got a diagnosis, you must digest it. Delays in your child's development can no longer be explained away by your child being a late bloomer. His or her behavior, actions, delayed speech, quirky behavior and other "delays" are a result of a neurological deficiency... Unless your child has been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, your child will be behind academically. For example, my son is half way through grade one, but sits in a grade three classroom, because failing him is NOT an option... Grrr... More of this on the next post, I promise you. The title to look for is "Choosing The Right School Division For Your Child With Autism." You will fight for your child's right to a quality education.
Second, you need to deal with your grief. Once you understand what I've just told you about the diagnosis and you understand the magnitude of what this means, you will grieve for the child you "planned" to have. Denial is first. I remember that one. "They're wrong, let him grow up a little, jeez!" Next on the list will be anger "this is so not fair!!! (and then you throw a huge temper tantrum). Then we have bargaining. Oh yes. "God! Do you hear me?! I'll go to church every Sunday and volunteer at the local shelter for the homeless, just take this autism thingy away!!!" Once you're done bargaining and seeing no results, you get depressed. The depression stage takes the longest to overcome. I still struggle with this one (and here you thought I had it all figured out, didn't 'cha?). Finally, acceptance. Acceptance is awesome, we can't see the light to acceptance at the beginning as we're in denial or too angry to think we'll ever accept it, but once you do, your child will make a serious connection with you. Trust me, I've seen it with Dayton. No one "gets" him better than I do, and he knows it... Well... maybe one more person, grandma Karen...
OK, so we've covered the first two things to get through. These two sound tough, no? Your life's about to get busy, so hang on to your horses (never, EVER say that to my boy... He'll look for them for hours!). Get a calendar, cause your life's about to get busy. Day off? Not with autism! Ready, set go!!!
Now we're gonna dive straight into bureaucracy! Oh yeah! You will be connected to family services and they will get you a support coordinator. Most of these people know nothing about autism, and don't care. You'd have better luck of winning the lotto or finding the Loch Ness Monster than finding a good support coordinator. I've found one, but I'm not sharing. I'll fight you before I let her go! Then you have to get speech therapy, occupational therapy, physio therapy, all of which you can only get before your child starts school. If your child doesn't get the diagnosis before age three, you're pretty much SOL or s..t out of luck. This is the case with my little guy. I fought for four years to get his diagnosis, and he finally got it, three months before turning eight years old. Unless of course you have a bottomless pit of cash, well then of course you can have services, any freaking service you want, including a diagnosis! I don't think there's many of us out there with this kind of money. As it is, I'm spending just under $500.00 a month for Dayton's medications and social skills group. I'm not going to go into how much I spend for Dayton's supplements, diet and coming up soon, Kumon Learning since the school can't teach him anything.
Once services are in place, your schedule fills up pretty quickly. I can also tell you that therapy is ON GOING, even after the therapist has left. It is up to the parents to follow through with the therapy, not the therapists. It is especially important to follow through when in public. This is where your child will learn to generalize what was learned in therapy and apply it to real life situations. During my medical leave, I can honestly tell you I've been so much busier staying at home than I have been going to work! By the time 7pm rolls around, I'm ready for sleep.
Schedule, schedule and schedule your child's day! These kids thrive on schedules for two reasons: once, it shows them what to expect during their day. Two, it also shows them that some of their favorite things are included during the day. I know for Dayton video games are super important, and I need to have a picture of a gaming remote in his picture schedule if I want him to comply to any change in his daily routine.
We're not done yet, we still have all the follow up appointments at the doctor's office and by the support coordinator and CFS if you have them involved to advocate on behalf of your child in the school system. Yes, managing the care of a child with autism is a FULL TIME job. Only thing is, this full time job lives with you. There is no break, and God help you if you get sick, because there's no one for you to call to "cover your shift."
We love our children, they are the air we breathe, with or without a diagnosis. With a diagnosis of autism, we still give our children everything that goes into raising a child, the affection and love any child gets from their parents is the same for us. The difference is during our play time... During play time, every move I make stems from something I've learned from a therapist.
So, if you yourself don't have a child with an autism diagnosis, but have friends that do, cut them some slack when you ask them out and they say they're tired and would rather you come over to their house instead. Their child is surrounded by their toys and the parent's saving grace - their bed when bed time comes. Maybe offer to babysit so the parent can take a nap. I'd kill for a nap right about now. Offer them an ear to vent. I've been fortunate to have a good grandma for Dayton, grandma Karen who is always listening to me rant and rave without complaining. She's been a rock of support to me and an amazing grandma to Dayton. She actually "gets" Dayton and he knows it. He loves her for it.
If you've received a diagnosis in your life just recently, don't look at this post and start crying, please!!! While yes, you will be working with your child much more than a parent of a typical child needs to, believe me when I tell you, it's all worth it. I wouldn't change my son for the world! But I wish I could change this world for Dayton. Remember, everyday God takes you by the hand and says, "No matter how difficult the path you tread... I will never leave your side."
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
Let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees... kidding!
Autism, the definition: a group of developmental disabilities that can cause significant communication, social and behavioral challenges. Developmental... what is that? Exactly what is sounds like... the mile stones every child meets are met late... Their learning is impaired... Okey dokey... so ummmmm, what does this look like for those of us involved in the daily care of loved ones with autism?
First, you receive the diagnosis. Just to make our life even more confusing, we have 5 types of autism spectrum disorders, also known as "Pervasive Developmental Disorders." They range from a severe form called autistic disorder, also known as classic autism, to a milder form called Asperger Syndrome. If a child has symptoms of either of these disorders, but does not meet the specific criteria for either, the diagnosis is called pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS. This is the form of autism Dayton is diagnosed with). Other rare, very severe disorders that are included in the autism spectrum disorders are Rett Syndrome and childhood disintegrative disorder. Now that you've got a diagnosis, you must digest it. Delays in your child's development can no longer be explained away by your child being a late bloomer. His or her behavior, actions, delayed speech, quirky behavior and other "delays" are a result of a neurological deficiency... Unless your child has been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, your child will be behind academically. For example, my son is half way through grade one, but sits in a grade three classroom, because failing him is NOT an option... Grrr... More of this on the next post, I promise you. The title to look for is "Choosing The Right School Division For Your Child With Autism." You will fight for your child's right to a quality education.
Second, you need to deal with your grief. Once you understand what I've just told you about the diagnosis and you understand the magnitude of what this means, you will grieve for the child you "planned" to have. Denial is first. I remember that one. "They're wrong, let him grow up a little, jeez!" Next on the list will be anger "this is so not fair!!! (and then you throw a huge temper tantrum). Then we have bargaining. Oh yes. "God! Do you hear me?! I'll go to church every Sunday and volunteer at the local shelter for the homeless, just take this autism thingy away!!!" Once you're done bargaining and seeing no results, you get depressed. The depression stage takes the longest to overcome. I still struggle with this one (and here you thought I had it all figured out, didn't 'cha?). Finally, acceptance. Acceptance is awesome, we can't see the light to acceptance at the beginning as we're in denial or too angry to think we'll ever accept it, but once you do, your child will make a serious connection with you. Trust me, I've seen it with Dayton. No one "gets" him better than I do, and he knows it... Well... maybe one more person, grandma Karen...
OK, so we've covered the first two things to get through. These two sound tough, no? Your life's about to get busy, so hang on to your horses (never, EVER say that to my boy... He'll look for them for hours!). Get a calendar, cause your life's about to get busy. Day off? Not with autism! Ready, set go!!!
Now we're gonna dive straight into bureaucracy! Oh yeah! You will be connected to family services and they will get you a support coordinator. Most of these people know nothing about autism, and don't care. You'd have better luck of winning the lotto or finding the Loch Ness Monster than finding a good support coordinator. I've found one, but I'm not sharing. I'll fight you before I let her go! Then you have to get speech therapy, occupational therapy, physio therapy, all of which you can only get before your child starts school. If your child doesn't get the diagnosis before age three, you're pretty much SOL or s..t out of luck. This is the case with my little guy. I fought for four years to get his diagnosis, and he finally got it, three months before turning eight years old. Unless of course you have a bottomless pit of cash, well then of course you can have services, any freaking service you want, including a diagnosis! I don't think there's many of us out there with this kind of money. As it is, I'm spending just under $500.00 a month for Dayton's medications and social skills group. I'm not going to go into how much I spend for Dayton's supplements, diet and coming up soon, Kumon Learning since the school can't teach him anything.
Once services are in place, your schedule fills up pretty quickly. I can also tell you that therapy is ON GOING, even after the therapist has left. It is up to the parents to follow through with the therapy, not the therapists. It is especially important to follow through when in public. This is where your child will learn to generalize what was learned in therapy and apply it to real life situations. During my medical leave, I can honestly tell you I've been so much busier staying at home than I have been going to work! By the time 7pm rolls around, I'm ready for sleep.
Schedule, schedule and schedule your child's day! These kids thrive on schedules for two reasons: once, it shows them what to expect during their day. Two, it also shows them that some of their favorite things are included during the day. I know for Dayton video games are super important, and I need to have a picture of a gaming remote in his picture schedule if I want him to comply to any change in his daily routine.
We're not done yet, we still have all the follow up appointments at the doctor's office and by the support coordinator and CFS if you have them involved to advocate on behalf of your child in the school system. Yes, managing the care of a child with autism is a FULL TIME job. Only thing is, this full time job lives with you. There is no break, and God help you if you get sick, because there's no one for you to call to "cover your shift."
We love our children, they are the air we breathe, with or without a diagnosis. With a diagnosis of autism, we still give our children everything that goes into raising a child, the affection and love any child gets from their parents is the same for us. The difference is during our play time... During play time, every move I make stems from something I've learned from a therapist.
So, if you yourself don't have a child with an autism diagnosis, but have friends that do, cut them some slack when you ask them out and they say they're tired and would rather you come over to their house instead. Their child is surrounded by their toys and the parent's saving grace - their bed when bed time comes. Maybe offer to babysit so the parent can take a nap. I'd kill for a nap right about now. Offer them an ear to vent. I've been fortunate to have a good grandma for Dayton, grandma Karen who is always listening to me rant and rave without complaining. She's been a rock of support to me and an amazing grandma to Dayton. She actually "gets" Dayton and he knows it. He loves her for it.
If you've received a diagnosis in your life just recently, don't look at this post and start crying, please!!! While yes, you will be working with your child much more than a parent of a typical child needs to, believe me when I tell you, it's all worth it. I wouldn't change my son for the world! But I wish I could change this world for Dayton. Remember, everyday God takes you by the hand and says, "No matter how difficult the path you tread... I will never leave your side."
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
An Email To The Premier Of Manitoba Regarding Our Children With Autism Spectrum Disorders
Dear Mr. Premier,
This email is written to you in the hopes of getting your attention to the problems faced by parents with children on the Autism Spectrum. I ask that you read this email with an open mind, and recognize that I am not merely criticizing the school system, but desperately seeking some change. My son Dayton's diagnoses are as follows: Global Delays, ADHD and PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified, a very, very high functioning form of Autism).
First, I would like to say that I am very pleased that the government does not shun our children into a "special school" where the building is considered more of a dumping ground for the inept children. I am glad that in the government's eyes, my son is entitled to the same education as anyone else. I love the "theory" of inclusion.
My concern is that not all schools are equipped or skilled to follow through with "genuine inclusion.' Most of my son's inclusion has proven to be "cosmetic inclusion." Dayton spends the majority of his time in the hallway. The school he is currently attending claims that this is by his choice, not the school's, but it appears they have no control of my son or his behavior. If they did, he would genuinely be included in the classroom. I think the problem stems in their misunderstanding of the Autism Spectrum. Please don't take my opinion as though I'm suggesting that the school Dayton attends is not working hard with Dayton, but they are not skilled or knowledgeable in teaching or including a child with autism. The Autism Spectrum is a very, very broad spectrum. If you've had the pleasure of meeting a child with autism, you've met a child with autism. Not one child is the same. What works for one child, will not necessarily work for another.
The most common thread of these children is their inappropriate behavior due to their inability to control impulse and their inability to cope with emotions and sensory issues. I have moved through three different school division to get Dayton the education both you and I believe he is entitled to. Dayton's current school thinks that at the core of Dayton's inappropriate behavior is my parenting. They have called CFS about my parenting twice in the last year. I can not begin to explain the humiliation of this experience. Furthermore, they did not believe that Dayton's diagnosis of PDD-NOS falls under the Autism Spectrum, which has resulted in them "disciplining" Dayton in the way that makes sense to with a typical child. Sometimes even worse... An extreme example of their discipline was when they had four teachers force my son to the floor, all of them laying on top of him over a misunderstanding because of a torn back pack, at eight years old, weighing fifty pounds... This resulted in my loss of daycare, forcing me to work part time. The incident traumatized my child into hiding under his bed for a few days, not being able to eat because of a sore throat due to his screaming at the school staff to let him go. Suspending a seven, eight or nine year old child who is delayed by two years is not teaching him a consequence, it is a punishment to the parents. My son is now looking for ways to get suspended, as to him it means that he doesn't have to show his peers just how far behind is from the rest of them. The suspensions have been a "reward" for him. In his mind it is better to be seen as "bad" then "stupid" in front of his peers. Dayton's self esteem is at an all time low, as he constantly tells me he is stupid, he can not learn, so what's the point of me trying to help him at home...
The last CFS call resulted in them immediately closing the file, and asking me what they could do for me. I wanted an advocate from the system to advocate on my son's behalf in his school. They provided me with Brenda Suderman, an amazing woman, who is fighting for my family. She is a true advocate, and very much a support to my family. I have humbled myself and allowed a worker to come to my home to give me advice on working with my son once a week, but even the worker is telling me that I am doing everything with Dayton that she would recommend herself.
On calling your office, my call was transferred to my MLA, whom I had already spoken to. The MLA's office promised to contact Manitoba Education with my concerns, and assured me that someone would call me to discuss my concerns further.
Marlene Gregory of the Manitoba Education "student services," suggested that I fill out a "school of choice application form" and have it submitted by May 15th, giving me false hope for my son's future education. It turns out that school divisions do not accept this application if the student it is being filled out for has special needs! Even if there was a chance I was able to move to their school division (rental availability in the city is sitting at 0%, furthermore, my child with autism needs stability, and I've moved from school division to school division three times to get him a "promised education"), I can not get my child into an autism program or an adaptive program because they are all full. When I called Mrs. Gregory back and conveyed my results, she informed me that the school divisions have the right to deny the application... I have every reason to believe by Dayton's child psychiatrist who diagnosed Dayton with PDD-NOS, that he can live a productive life, become a contributing member of society, providing he gets the services and support his current school division is not providing him.
Mr. Premier, I ask for an appointment to see you, and discuss my son's education. This is not only a concern for my son, but for all children who have been diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. One in a hundred and ten children are being diagnosed with a form of Autism Spectrum Disorder today and the numbers increase every year. These children are our future and they need your help. Help them... You can make a difference in these children's lives, if you want to, and I know you do. You are a wise man, if you weren't, you would not be the premier of Manitoba. Imagine our future if these children do not receive your help... You are our leader, our voice of reason. I know that as a parent alone, I can not make a change, but you... You can make all the difference to our children's lives and education.
The stress I have endured as a result of Dayton's discrimination has taken a toll on my health. I am currently on medical leave, and am available at your earliest convenience to meet with you.
You may reach me at home at 837-6308 or by cell phone at 771-4546. My email addresses are healthy.you.home@gmail.com and autism.diva.help@gmail.com. I look forward to your call.
Sincerely,
Lou Lovrin, a mom of a beautiful nine year old boy, who desperately seeks your help.
This email is written to you in the hopes of getting your attention to the problems faced by parents with children on the Autism Spectrum. I ask that you read this email with an open mind, and recognize that I am not merely criticizing the school system, but desperately seeking some change. My son Dayton's diagnoses are as follows: Global Delays, ADHD and PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified, a very, very high functioning form of Autism).
First, I would like to say that I am very pleased that the government does not shun our children into a "special school" where the building is considered more of a dumping ground for the inept children. I am glad that in the government's eyes, my son is entitled to the same education as anyone else. I love the "theory" of inclusion.
My concern is that not all schools are equipped or skilled to follow through with "genuine inclusion.' Most of my son's inclusion has proven to be "cosmetic inclusion." Dayton spends the majority of his time in the hallway. The school he is currently attending claims that this is by his choice, not the school's, but it appears they have no control of my son or his behavior. If they did, he would genuinely be included in the classroom. I think the problem stems in their misunderstanding of the Autism Spectrum. Please don't take my opinion as though I'm suggesting that the school Dayton attends is not working hard with Dayton, but they are not skilled or knowledgeable in teaching or including a child with autism. The Autism Spectrum is a very, very broad spectrum. If you've had the pleasure of meeting a child with autism, you've met a child with autism. Not one child is the same. What works for one child, will not necessarily work for another.
The most common thread of these children is their inappropriate behavior due to their inability to control impulse and their inability to cope with emotions and sensory issues. I have moved through three different school division to get Dayton the education both you and I believe he is entitled to. Dayton's current school thinks that at the core of Dayton's inappropriate behavior is my parenting. They have called CFS about my parenting twice in the last year. I can not begin to explain the humiliation of this experience. Furthermore, they did not believe that Dayton's diagnosis of PDD-NOS falls under the Autism Spectrum, which has resulted in them "disciplining" Dayton in the way that makes sense to with a typical child. Sometimes even worse... An extreme example of their discipline was when they had four teachers force my son to the floor, all of them laying on top of him over a misunderstanding because of a torn back pack, at eight years old, weighing fifty pounds... This resulted in my loss of daycare, forcing me to work part time. The incident traumatized my child into hiding under his bed for a few days, not being able to eat because of a sore throat due to his screaming at the school staff to let him go. Suspending a seven, eight or nine year old child who is delayed by two years is not teaching him a consequence, it is a punishment to the parents. My son is now looking for ways to get suspended, as to him it means that he doesn't have to show his peers just how far behind is from the rest of them. The suspensions have been a "reward" for him. In his mind it is better to be seen as "bad" then "stupid" in front of his peers. Dayton's self esteem is at an all time low, as he constantly tells me he is stupid, he can not learn, so what's the point of me trying to help him at home...
The last CFS call resulted in them immediately closing the file, and asking me what they could do for me. I wanted an advocate from the system to advocate on my son's behalf in his school. They provided me with Brenda Suderman, an amazing woman, who is fighting for my family. She is a true advocate, and very much a support to my family. I have humbled myself and allowed a worker to come to my home to give me advice on working with my son once a week, but even the worker is telling me that I am doing everything with Dayton that she would recommend herself.
On calling your office, my call was transferred to my MLA, whom I had already spoken to. The MLA's office promised to contact Manitoba Education with my concerns, and assured me that someone would call me to discuss my concerns further.
Marlene Gregory of the Manitoba Education "student services," suggested that I fill out a "school of choice application form" and have it submitted by May 15th, giving me false hope for my son's future education. It turns out that school divisions do not accept this application if the student it is being filled out for has special needs! Even if there was a chance I was able to move to their school division (rental availability in the city is sitting at 0%, furthermore, my child with autism needs stability, and I've moved from school division to school division three times to get him a "promised education"), I can not get my child into an autism program or an adaptive program because they are all full. When I called Mrs. Gregory back and conveyed my results, she informed me that the school divisions have the right to deny the application... I have every reason to believe by Dayton's child psychiatrist who diagnosed Dayton with PDD-NOS, that he can live a productive life, become a contributing member of society, providing he gets the services and support his current school division is not providing him.
Mr. Premier, I ask for an appointment to see you, and discuss my son's education. This is not only a concern for my son, but for all children who have been diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. One in a hundred and ten children are being diagnosed with a form of Autism Spectrum Disorder today and the numbers increase every year. These children are our future and they need your help. Help them... You can make a difference in these children's lives, if you want to, and I know you do. You are a wise man, if you weren't, you would not be the premier of Manitoba. Imagine our future if these children do not receive your help... You are our leader, our voice of reason. I know that as a parent alone, I can not make a change, but you... You can make all the difference to our children's lives and education.
The stress I have endured as a result of Dayton's discrimination has taken a toll on my health. I am currently on medical leave, and am available at your earliest convenience to meet with you.
You may reach me at home at 837-6308 or by cell phone at 771-4546. My email addresses are healthy.you.home@gmail.com and autism.diva.help@gmail.com. I look forward to your call.
Sincerely,
Lou Lovrin, a mom of a beautiful nine year old boy, who desperately seeks your help.
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Super Autism Help Book #1
As promised, I am writing a post about the book I sent to Dayton's school I mentioned in my last blog post. You know the one where I literally copied and pasted the email I had sent to Dayton's school? Yeah, that one.
Autism help. We're all looking for it. When our kids are first diagnosed with ASD, we almost go through the 5 stages of grief for the future we had envisioned for our child. We end up looking for "the cure." Which is why Jenny McCarthy really gets under my skin when she claims to have "cured" her son of autism... Want to know the cure for autism? Unconditional Love And Acceptance!!!
I should back up a little here... Totally unrelated to autism, but you'll see how it ties in eventually...
During our Christmas holidays, we packed up the family and went to Regina to visit our daughter Charlie-Anne along with Glen's cousin and wife. While visiting, Glen's cousin shows me what he bought for his wife for Christmas... A beautiful Kindle! I had never seen one before in my life, but OH MY GOD!!! Once he showed me what it could do, I was hooked. For those of you who love to read, you need to get one of these babies!!! They're amazing! It downloads books in less then 60 seconds, and the price of e-books is cheaper than buying the physical book itself, and you don't need your book shelves anymore, saving you a ton of space. It fits in my purse and I dig it out during Dayton's social skills group class for which I have to wait in the lobby for him, bored out of my mind. The most mind blowing thing of all... I can carry about 35,000 books in my purse by having this Kindle. AWESOME!!! Naturally I'm downloading tons of books on autism, and as I read them I will tell you my favorite ones, ones that I think are helpful and definitely need to be read. The funny thing is, and my friends will attest to this, I am the most non-techie woman on the face of this planet, but I can use this Kindle. It's super user friendly even for people like me. I LOVE IT!!!
OK, back on topic here... We were talking about Autism help... Autistic children develop and bloom if their spirits, talents and self-esteem are not destroyed by bullies, prejudice, doggie-training, and being forced to be normal.
In order to help our children fit in more comfortably and see gains in their growth is to first of all understand our kids. How do we do this???
Two lovely ladies, both named Leslie have come together to write a spectacular book called: Making sense of Children's Thinking and Behavior. Follow the link below to find out more about the book. You can download it on your Kindle or order it from www.amazon.com. I had it downloaded to my Kindle, and found it so amazing, I ended up buying a hard copy of the book to pass on to Dayton's school after our triage meeting which if you read my last post, was very disappointing and discouraging. It's like I'm dealing with idiots at his school.
OK, so the one Leslie is a mother of a son with NLD (nonverbal learning disorder) who got together with her son's Occupational Therapist (the other Leslie) and wrote this book for kids with NLD, Asperger's, HFA (high functioning autism), PDD-NOS (pervasive developmental disorder - not otherwise specified), and other neurological differences.
The authors created a tool called STAT (Systematic Tool for Analyzing Thinking), which they've diagrammed for us in the book. The book is 180 pages long, it took my about a day to read it. The STAT offers a step by step method for understanding a child's behavior by revealing the thought processes behind it. Only by understanding the thought behind the behavior can you correct your child and teach them to as my dad says "change their mind."
People are forgetful that our kids need to be taught the simplest of things, things that other children pick up on by instinct. This does not mean that our children are stupid, far from it!!! I had given up on my flash drive thinking it was broken and was about to throw it out when Dayton asked me if he could look at it. He fixed the darn thing in 5 minutes. My son is far from being stupid. His brain is wired differently, therefore he thinks about things "outside" the box, something we're told to try to do ourselves! He saved a flash drive full of curriculum work that I thought was lost to me forever!
Back to the book and some autism help... I just can't keep it together this morning... I think more coffee is in order, definitely!!! Starbucks, I'm on my way...
Anyway, the book explains how our kids have (and I quote) "an atypical view of the world, unique to their particular disability, which can make their behavior confusing and, at times, challenging. Often, the child's unfairly punished." It also addresses the 12 common deficit areas and gives examples with the STAT on every single one of these areas, in some cases 2 examples. And believe me, I need examples in order to learn.
This book was absolutely AMAZING! Loved it!!! If you have a child on the spectrum, have a friend with a child on the spectrum, are a teacher or a para educator, this book is definitely a MUST READ. I'm ordering a couple more from Amazon today to hand out to my friends and family, yes, it's that good. It's just unfortunate I can't find anymore in the city. If someone finds one in the city, let me know before noon!!!
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
PS. If you want more info on what a kindle is....
Seriously AWESOME!
Autism help. We're all looking for it. When our kids are first diagnosed with ASD, we almost go through the 5 stages of grief for the future we had envisioned for our child. We end up looking for "the cure." Which is why Jenny McCarthy really gets under my skin when she claims to have "cured" her son of autism... Want to know the cure for autism? Unconditional Love And Acceptance!!!
I should back up a little here... Totally unrelated to autism, but you'll see how it ties in eventually...
During our Christmas holidays, we packed up the family and went to Regina to visit our daughter Charlie-Anne along with Glen's cousin and wife. While visiting, Glen's cousin shows me what he bought for his wife for Christmas... A beautiful Kindle! I had never seen one before in my life, but OH MY GOD!!! Once he showed me what it could do, I was hooked. For those of you who love to read, you need to get one of these babies!!! They're amazing! It downloads books in less then 60 seconds, and the price of e-books is cheaper than buying the physical book itself, and you don't need your book shelves anymore, saving you a ton of space. It fits in my purse and I dig it out during Dayton's social skills group class for which I have to wait in the lobby for him, bored out of my mind. The most mind blowing thing of all... I can carry about 35,000 books in my purse by having this Kindle. AWESOME!!! Naturally I'm downloading tons of books on autism, and as I read them I will tell you my favorite ones, ones that I think are helpful and definitely need to be read. The funny thing is, and my friends will attest to this, I am the most non-techie woman on the face of this planet, but I can use this Kindle. It's super user friendly even for people like me. I LOVE IT!!!
OK, back on topic here... We were talking about Autism help... Autistic children develop and bloom if their spirits, talents and self-esteem are not destroyed by bullies, prejudice, doggie-training, and being forced to be normal.
In order to help our children fit in more comfortably and see gains in their growth is to first of all understand our kids. How do we do this???
Two lovely ladies, both named Leslie have come together to write a spectacular book called: Making sense of Children's Thinking and Behavior. Follow the link below to find out more about the book. You can download it on your Kindle or order it from www.amazon.com. I had it downloaded to my Kindle, and found it so amazing, I ended up buying a hard copy of the book to pass on to Dayton's school after our triage meeting which if you read my last post, was very disappointing and discouraging. It's like I'm dealing with idiots at his school.
OK, so the one Leslie is a mother of a son with NLD (nonverbal learning disorder) who got together with her son's Occupational Therapist (the other Leslie) and wrote this book for kids with NLD, Asperger's, HFA (high functioning autism), PDD-NOS (pervasive developmental disorder - not otherwise specified), and other neurological differences.
The authors created a tool called STAT (Systematic Tool for Analyzing Thinking), which they've diagrammed for us in the book. The book is 180 pages long, it took my about a day to read it. The STAT offers a step by step method for understanding a child's behavior by revealing the thought processes behind it. Only by understanding the thought behind the behavior can you correct your child and teach them to as my dad says "change their mind."
People are forgetful that our kids need to be taught the simplest of things, things that other children pick up on by instinct. This does not mean that our children are stupid, far from it!!! I had given up on my flash drive thinking it was broken and was about to throw it out when Dayton asked me if he could look at it. He fixed the darn thing in 5 minutes. My son is far from being stupid. His brain is wired differently, therefore he thinks about things "outside" the box, something we're told to try to do ourselves! He saved a flash drive full of curriculum work that I thought was lost to me forever!
Back to the book and some autism help... I just can't keep it together this morning... I think more coffee is in order, definitely!!! Starbucks, I'm on my way...
Anyway, the book explains how our kids have (and I quote) "an atypical view of the world, unique to their particular disability, which can make their behavior confusing and, at times, challenging. Often, the child's unfairly punished." It also addresses the 12 common deficit areas and gives examples with the STAT on every single one of these areas, in some cases 2 examples. And believe me, I need examples in order to learn.
This book was absolutely AMAZING! Loved it!!! If you have a child on the spectrum, have a friend with a child on the spectrum, are a teacher or a para educator, this book is definitely a MUST READ. I'm ordering a couple more from Amazon today to hand out to my friends and family, yes, it's that good. It's just unfortunate I can't find anymore in the city. If someone finds one in the city, let me know before noon!!!
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
PS. If you want more info on what a kindle is....
Seriously AWESOME!
Tuesday, 22 March 2011
I Could If I Would But I Can't
At the core of the problem in today's school system of inclusion is "belief." Our kids on the higher end of the autism spectrum disorder just look too good, therefore they can't possibly have deficits or needs. They're a bunch of spoiled brats who don't pay attention and choose to throw temper tantrums to get out of doing their work. They're a menace to the classroom and are constantly interrupting important lectures. They refuse to fit in with the rest of the kids, and love to physically fight their class mates. This is NOT true. Unfortunately, this is pretty much what the current school system thinks of our kids. They don't BELIEVE that our children are "neurologically different." Our kids can talk, walk, run, and sit just like the rest of the student body. When they don't, the school staff believe that our kids don't do as expected by their own choice.
If our children wore leg braces, you'd have teachers and aids ligning up to help them, there would be no doubt as to their deficits and need for help. People in general are just more apt to believe there's a problem when they can SEE the problem. PDD-NOS is not something you can visually see, neither is high functioning autism or Aspergers. When the problem is visual and obvious, people are just much more likely to HELP. The presence of intelligence, strengths, and actual talents make it even harder for teachers to be believe there are real, concrete deficits.
No parent wants to think of segregating their child. Segregation brings horrible pictures to mind of "No blacks allowed," and "whites only." But the fact of the matter is, our kids are horribly misunderstood. Who's fault is this? Certainly not the parents. Most parents are more than happy to share with their child's school things that work for their children and things that don't. I know I most certainly do. The problem is that the school staff really don't have the time to listen to what I have to say, as I am not an expert on the subject. "They," on the other hand, are well meaning "professionals," who know what my child needs. Their experience and expertise on what works on typical children is what they believe will work for my son. And then they wonder why they have problems...
The most frustrating part of raising a child with a neurological difference, such as autism, aspergers and PDD-NOS, is not the child themselves... it's trying to convince others the enormity of the child's deficits. Deficit areas such as language (understanding rhetorical questions), sensory issues (Dayton can't certain sounds, for example music class is super painful for him, or the feel of new socks), theory of mind (thinking about how another person thinks or why they react they way they do, for example emotions), problem solving, anxiety, consistency in their scheduled days, social skills, play skills, motor issues (Dayton is 9, and he still can't tie his shoes because his fingers can't manipulate the shoe laces), spacial orientation (where the body is in space, for example co-ordination).
If inclusion in our school systems is to work, I think it is vital for them to understand these deficits and BELIEVE them. Their disbelief is not only affecting our children, but the typical children as well. Think about it. If a busy classroom with colorful walls overstimulates my child and he has a melt down, it affects the entire classroom. The one most affected is my child along with me, since he will now be suspended and I have to leave work to go and get him. My boss is not pleased at all the work I am missing and my students also suffer the consequences. When a teacher uses an idiom such as "hold your horses" and my son responds with "what horses?" the teacher automatically assumes Dayton is being disrespectful and sends him to the office. Dayton of course throws a fit because he's answered her question and doesn't understand why he's being sent to the office. I am called to pick him up AGAIN.
By the time I get to the school, Dayton is furious, has punched the walls, pushed teachers and children out of his way because he's super frustrated at trying to understand what he's done wrong and no one is answering him. He feels picked on and not important. In his anger he screams, scaring the children around him.
Here's a perfect example of total and complete miscommunication between school staff and Dayton from last February:
Little Johnny has a hole in his back pack. Dayton sees the hole and he just can't help himself... He sticks his finger in the hole and rips the back pack further. (Impulse control deficit, this is not an excuse, but an explanation as to why he did this). Dayton's teacher and aid are standing across the room watching Dayton do this. The teacher the approaches Dayton and asks him "Dayton, did you rip Johnny's back pack?"
Dayton: "No." (Language deficit. Dayton has answered the question asked truthfully. He is literal. He did not rip the back pack, it was already ripped. Dayton is not able to articulate this).
Teacher: "Yes, yes you did, I watched you do it."
Dayton tries to back away from the teacher, but she follows. In order to get away from her he moves a desk. This is viewed as "aggressive behavior." The aid now approaches Dayton from the other side and the two women figure they can corner him. Can you see where this is heading?
Dayton's throat was so sore, he couldn't talk or eat for a few days after the incident. I had to force him to drink. He had lots of smoothies and milkshakes as meals. Naturally, I kept him home for those days.
Inclusion... does it really work? Not for us. It's been a literal hell. A facebook friend said it perfectly: "There are two types of inclusion, genuine and cosmetic. What our kids are getting most often is cosmetic inclusion. They're in the classroom, and it all looks good, but that's about where it ends."
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
If our children wore leg braces, you'd have teachers and aids ligning up to help them, there would be no doubt as to their deficits and need for help. People in general are just more apt to believe there's a problem when they can SEE the problem. PDD-NOS is not something you can visually see, neither is high functioning autism or Aspergers. When the problem is visual and obvious, people are just much more likely to HELP. The presence of intelligence, strengths, and actual talents make it even harder for teachers to be believe there are real, concrete deficits.
No parent wants to think of segregating their child. Segregation brings horrible pictures to mind of "No blacks allowed," and "whites only." But the fact of the matter is, our kids are horribly misunderstood. Who's fault is this? Certainly not the parents. Most parents are more than happy to share with their child's school things that work for their children and things that don't. I know I most certainly do. The problem is that the school staff really don't have the time to listen to what I have to say, as I am not an expert on the subject. "They," on the other hand, are well meaning "professionals," who know what my child needs. Their experience and expertise on what works on typical children is what they believe will work for my son. And then they wonder why they have problems...
The most frustrating part of raising a child with a neurological difference, such as autism, aspergers and PDD-NOS, is not the child themselves... it's trying to convince others the enormity of the child's deficits. Deficit areas such as language (understanding rhetorical questions), sensory issues (Dayton can't certain sounds, for example music class is super painful for him, or the feel of new socks), theory of mind (thinking about how another person thinks or why they react they way they do, for example emotions), problem solving, anxiety, consistency in their scheduled days, social skills, play skills, motor issues (Dayton is 9, and he still can't tie his shoes because his fingers can't manipulate the shoe laces), spacial orientation (where the body is in space, for example co-ordination).
If inclusion in our school systems is to work, I think it is vital for them to understand these deficits and BELIEVE them. Their disbelief is not only affecting our children, but the typical children as well. Think about it. If a busy classroom with colorful walls overstimulates my child and he has a melt down, it affects the entire classroom. The one most affected is my child along with me, since he will now be suspended and I have to leave work to go and get him. My boss is not pleased at all the work I am missing and my students also suffer the consequences. When a teacher uses an idiom such as "hold your horses" and my son responds with "what horses?" the teacher automatically assumes Dayton is being disrespectful and sends him to the office. Dayton of course throws a fit because he's answered her question and doesn't understand why he's being sent to the office. I am called to pick him up AGAIN.
By the time I get to the school, Dayton is furious, has punched the walls, pushed teachers and children out of his way because he's super frustrated at trying to understand what he's done wrong and no one is answering him. He feels picked on and not important. In his anger he screams, scaring the children around him.
Here's a perfect example of total and complete miscommunication between school staff and Dayton from last February:
Little Johnny has a hole in his back pack. Dayton sees the hole and he just can't help himself... He sticks his finger in the hole and rips the back pack further. (Impulse control deficit, this is not an excuse, but an explanation as to why he did this). Dayton's teacher and aid are standing across the room watching Dayton do this. The teacher the approaches Dayton and asks him "Dayton, did you rip Johnny's back pack?"
Dayton: "No." (Language deficit. Dayton has answered the question asked truthfully. He is literal. He did not rip the back pack, it was already ripped. Dayton is not able to articulate this).
Teacher: "Yes, yes you did, I watched you do it."
Dayton tries to back away from the teacher, but she follows. In order to get away from her he moves a desk. This is viewed as "aggressive behavior." The aid now approaches Dayton from the other side and the two women figure they can corner him. Can you see where this is heading?
Dayton's throat was so sore, he couldn't talk or eat for a few days after the incident. I had to force him to drink. He had lots of smoothies and milkshakes as meals. Naturally, I kept him home for those days.
Inclusion... does it really work? Not for us. It's been a literal hell. A facebook friend said it perfectly: "There are two types of inclusion, genuine and cosmetic. What our kids are getting most often is cosmetic inclusion. They're in the classroom, and it all looks good, but that's about where it ends."
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
A Froot Loop In A World Full Of Cheerios
I posted a link to my last blog titled "CFS, Friend or Foe" on my facebook page, and got responses to the blog almost right away. A friend who's twelve year old daughter also has autism, had commented on how her daughter's school has not had an IEP in place for her daughter since grade one! They seem to think it a waste of time, but not a waste of time to call CFS on her because her little girl is "too skinny." How familiar this story is to me...
Dayton is a tall and skinny 9 year old. I fret over making his lunches at school, worry about his weight all the time. I'm a wee bit over weight, and could definitely stand to lose a few pounds. I don't think I've met a woman that's ever been happy with her weight, but when I tell you I'm a wee bit overweight, believe it to be true. I enjoy romantic walks to the fridge...
Dayton's father on the other hand stands very tall at 6'3" and is super lean. Not skinny, he's "one of those people" we all love to hate. The ones that can eat whatever they want, whenever they want and never have to work out, yet looks like he's a health nut and works out faithfully... Grrrr...
Any how... Here's the latest email from Dayton's school with my response:
The email from the school guidance counselor:
Dayton is a tall and skinny 9 year old. I fret over making his lunches at school, worry about his weight all the time. I'm a wee bit over weight, and could definitely stand to lose a few pounds. I don't think I've met a woman that's ever been happy with her weight, but when I tell you I'm a wee bit overweight, believe it to be true. I enjoy romantic walks to the fridge...
Dayton's father on the other hand stands very tall at 6'3" and is super lean. Not skinny, he's "one of those people" we all love to hate. The ones that can eat whatever they want, whenever they want and never have to work out, yet looks like he's a health nut and works out faithfully... Grrrr...
Any how... Here's the latest email from Dayton's school with my response:
The email from the school guidance counselor:
Good afternoon Lou
Just thought I'd check in with you re Dayton's start to the day as he has been saying that he doesn't eat his breakfast and is hungry as soon as he gets to school. What is your take on this? Thanks for the feedback.
My response back to the school:
Hi Judy,
I've discussed your email with the principal this afternoon, as I was shocked to receive it. I've also had the chance to discuss this with Dayton.
First, I'd like to assure you as I have assured the principal, Dayton eats breakfast every morning, and it's always the same breakfast as he won't eat anything else: a nutella sandwich, with either tea or milk (most often he ignores the beverage). He has this every morning at 7:15am, as it takes him 15 minutes to eat. At 7:30am, he is asked to get his teeth and hair brushed, wash his face and get dressed for school. This takes him another 20 minutes or so. If he has enough time, he gets to watch "YTV" before heading off to school. He gets picked up by the bus at 8am. Would it make sense for him to be hungry when he gets to school?
I've discussed this with Dayton. He tells me that he arrived at the school and you had asked him what he had for breakfast, and that he told you "nothing" as a joke? Of course I'm not finding this amusing at all. Speaking to the principal she was under the impression that you had tried to get him to do some work at which point he may have delayed the work by asking to eat first? I'm not sure which happened...
His lunches are always the same, as he doesn't want anything else but meat, crackers, pudding or yogurt. I always send him to school with a fruit, which sometimes he eats, sometimes he doesn't. I used to send him to school with snap peas or celery sticks, but he used them in an offensive way in class (placing them between his legs) and he no longer gets them included in his lunches as Mrs. P. complained of his behavior.
Here's what I do know.
When bed time arrives, Dayton will try to delay bed time by asking for a snack. I've combated this by offering him a drink and a snack before announcing it is bed time. If I am asking Dayton to do something he's not comfortable with or if it's something he doesn't like to do, he will ask for a snack. I've combated this in the same way, by offering him a snack before the task.
I've just checked his lunch bag, and he still has an apple sauce and a package of bunny crackers. So it appears he is getting more than enough food to take with him to school. Every day he comes home from school, he has plenty of lunch left over, sometimes he doesn't even touch his lunch.
On weekends, Dayton most often grazes. I find he eats more because I don't need to give him the second Biphentin as necessary at school. One of Biphentin's side effects is loss of appetite.
There are times when Dayton is uncomfortable, and sometimes he copes with his discomfort by eating. He takes after me in that respect, and thankfully has his father's metabolism.
I hope I've answered all of your questions.
Lou
Lou
Hi Judy,
I've discussed your email with the principal this afternoon, as I was shocked to receive it. I've also had the chance to discuss this with Dayton.
First, I'd like to assure you as I have assured the principal, Dayton eats breakfast every morning, and it's always the same breakfast as he won't eat anything else: a nutella sandwich, with either tea or milk (most often he ignores the beverage). He has this every morning at 7:15am, as it takes him 15 minutes to eat. At 7:30am, he is asked to get his teeth and hair brushed, wash his face and get dressed for school. This takes him another 20 minutes or so. If he has enough time, he gets to watch "YTV" before heading off to school. He gets picked up by the bus at 8am. Would it make sense for him to be hungry when he gets to school?
I've discussed this with Dayton. He tells me that he arrived at the school and you had asked him what he had for breakfast, and that he told you "nothing" as a joke? Of course I'm not finding this amusing at all. Speaking to the principal she was under the impression that you had tried to get him to do some work at which point he may have delayed the work by asking to eat first? I'm not sure which happened...
His lunches are always the same, as he doesn't want anything else but meat, crackers, pudding or yogurt. I always send him to school with a fruit, which sometimes he eats, sometimes he doesn't. I used to send him to school with snap peas or celery sticks, but he used them in an offensive way in class (placing them between his legs) and he no longer gets them included in his lunches as Mrs. P. complained of his behavior.
Here's what I do know.
When bed time arrives, Dayton will try to delay bed time by asking for a snack. I've combated this by offering him a drink and a snack before announcing it is bed time. If I am asking Dayton to do something he's not comfortable with or if it's something he doesn't like to do, he will ask for a snack. I've combated this in the same way, by offering him a snack before the task.
I've just checked his lunch bag, and he still has an apple sauce and a package of bunny crackers. So it appears he is getting more than enough food to take with him to school. Every day he comes home from school, he has plenty of lunch left over, sometimes he doesn't even touch his lunch.
On weekends, Dayton most often grazes. I find he eats more because I don't need to give him the second Biphentin as necessary at school. One of Biphentin's side effects is loss of appetite.
There are times when Dayton is uncomfortable, and sometimes he copes with his discomfort by eating. He takes after me in that respect, and thankfully has his father's metabolism.
I hope I've answered all of your questions.
Lou
Her response back to me was "thank you." Seriously! These are the actual emails I had sent, with the exception of substituting the word principal for the principal's name and the changing Mrs. P's name.
There's so many more emails I could share with you, but I thought I would share this one as it addresses my friend's concern on food and weight issues. As a parent, I feel responsible for my child's behavior. The school knows this, and they hold me accountable for his behavior. It seems as a parent, that no matter what you say, do, or write, there is always that unspoken insinuation that at the core of the problem is your parenting. Although there typically is no mention of the word "irritated," you can often sense the "tone" of the email coming through loud and clear as in this one from Dayton's principal:
Hi Lou,
Dayton and I are just talking about being kind to Jack. He just flushed one of Jack's toys down the toilet and Dayton will have to replace this toy. It is a little mini figure. He can describe it to you.
He continues to call Jack names and we have talked about this as well.
If you get a chance to call, Dayton is still with me.
Yes... because I check my email every every minute of the day... Fortunately for the principal, I do have my email set up to alert me immediately on my blackberry, so I'm aware of an email right away, as long as I have my blackberry with me that is.
Continuing on with some of the comments made on my facebook page regarding the link to this past blog, another friend had posted a link that may be of help to you if you have a picky eater. Her little guy refused to eat veggies or anything remotely healthy, and so she tricked him by giving him a veggie burger shaped as Mickey Mouse... Here's the link: http://www.sobeyscorporate.com/sustainability/customers/compliments_junior_disney.html
Let me know via email at autism.diva.help@gmail.com or by commenting on this post if there is a topic you would like to discuss.
Consider yourselves hugged!
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