Back Away From The Board Of Education

Have you had one of those as a kid growing up?  You know the paddle called the board of education your parents wielded at you when you misbehaved?  I sure did, and I'm wondering if my dad still has it...

My little man's been quite the little grand master bully at school, and not bullying kids either, but his principal and educational assistant...  And it gets better...  It's all my fault.

I've noticed how I've trained the kids at our patio homes to get Dayton in trouble.  Trying to avoid conflict between Dayton and the kids and raise some 'understanding,' I've asked the kids to come to me if there are 'issues' with Dayton and their 'play.'  You know, be the referee before things get out of hand.  Thinking I could prevent meltdowns, embarrassing moments for Dayton, awkward times with kids...  Yeah, how about no.  That didn't really work out well.

Instead I hear kids screaming at Dayton "no, stop, don't hit me!!!" when I'm sitting on the patio, look up and see Dayton playing by himself, clear across the field.  Seriously?  What the hell is that all about?  Obviously these little punks are trying to get him in trouble.  Not cool!  And it makes me feel like walking around with one of my croquet hammers to supervise the play ground.

So I had a talk with my son.  I told Dayton that if anyone hit him, he had full permission to go ahead and smack the little freak shows into next day.  If kids are using their words to fight, he is NOT allowed to get physical, but he could use his own words to fight back.  Never, ever strike at someone unless they strike first.  That's the rule.  I'm tired of kids picking on him and than Dayton getting in trouble for it.  They want to play this game, then game on.  I know my babe can take them on.   He may have heard me tell my friend that I didn't raise no 'sissy,' and how Dayton was far from being weak, and maybe it's time these brats got what they deserve.

Anyhow...

Dayton goes to school and gets himself in trouble.  The principal comes to get him.  Dayton's talking back at him and reaches out to smack him saying:  "you're weak, why don't you defend yourself?"

What the...  How did he confuse "defend yourself Dayton" for bullying the principal???

I got a call from the school to come and get Dayton early on Monday...  Long story short, Dayton had to be physically removed from the computer room as he was threatening to stab his poor educational assistant and his principal with scissors...  because he wanted more time on the computer...

It gets better...  Yesterday, Dayton snuck a Call of Duty game cover to school...  My mother always taught me to kill`em with kindness, but I think in this case I am justified to beat Dayton`s father with a baseball bat.  It`s me that gets the notes from school, not him!!!  My parenting is questioned, never his!!!  He`s making my life a miserable hell by playing these video games with Dayton, and now he`s bringing them to school!!!

So, as you can see, I`ve got my hands full.  Just when you think you`ve figured out your child, he throws a curve ball at ya and expects ya to `fetch it.`


Hope all is well with yàll.  Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

 

Bullied Much?

Well, it's happened...  Dayton got bullied.  A switch from what he's accustomed to, as typically he's a wee bit of a bully whether or not he knows it for himself.  You know, do it my way or you're gonna get it kind of kid...

Anyways, as a mamma, it's pretty tough to swallow that your little guy's not accepted by other kids.  As a teacher, it became pretty clear that I was to use this as a teaching moment after a good cuddle, and a few "OMG, the nerve of that kid..."  Explaining to Dayton that yes, I understood his anger, and yes, he should definitely be upset, I then asked him how he thought the kids he used to "bully" felt.  At first he said "that's different mamma!"  Then reminded me how he never told other kids not to play with someone, like his bully did.  He never called anyone stupid, idiot or the R word like his bully does.  I explained to him that hitting others just because they didn't do what he thinks they should is a form of bullying too, just more physical.  He didn't say much, but I saw a little light bulb go off in his eyes.  Me thinks ma'babe gets it...  Time will tell.

The silver lining in this story is that when I called the principal, he assured me he would speak to the boys today, not something I would have heard last year.  Also, the teacher who's class the bullying took place in called me an hour after I spoke to the principal, assuring me that she's spoken to the principal and will also speak to Dayton about the situation he dealt with and how to better deal with it if it happens again.

It's good to know that the school is listening to my concerns.  I'm very glad that things have changed this year, as I'm not sure I could have survived another year of the way things used to be without going postal on someone.


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Accusations And Hate E-mail

Awwwww, shucks.

It appears I've ruffled a few feathers out there.  I seemed to have raised some controversy, and made a couple of people a little "uncomfortable."  Believe me, I don't take this lightly, as I am a people pleaser, constantly bending over to make people comfortable and desperately wanting to be liked by everyone involved in Dayton's care.  So, hearing that there are people out there that don't like what I have to say does hurt, but I have to keep my focus on what's most important at heart.  This really, really sucks!

Being accused of not having respect for people, their positions in organizations, their work, etc. is disturbing to me.  I have a lot of respect for Dayton's teachers, his principal and especially his resource teacher.  Dayton's guidance counselor and I have a major personality clash, but in saying this, I respect her position with the school.  Do I agree with every view these women have?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!  But there is a major difference between 'disagreement' and 'disrespect.'

I have never spit in any one's face, kicked them in their shins, publicly humiliated or threatened them in a personal or professional way.  Dayton does this on his own when he's treated with little respect.  In saying this, I do not appreciate or respect people or organizations that are working for their own gratification, for recognition or helping our children only if it helps their political ambitions.  What do politics have to do with our children's disabilities?  Your own political agendas and your ambition for recognition does nothing for our children, or for me, so please spare me your hate E-mail.  I have bigger and better things to worry about.  When those of you worried about lining your own pockets make our children's education a priority, I will show you respect.  Look at my son's face.  Does this look like you have our children's education and safety in mind? 

This happened during school recess, with a full time aid, two weeks ago.  The school staff told me Dayton "fell off the swing," while Dayton tells me he was "pushed off" the swing.  Somewhere in the middle lies the truth.  Either way, I'm not impressed.  When I picked Dayton up from school, blood was coming out of his mouth and face.  The white of his right eye was an angry red, and I feared for his eye.  Driving like a maniac to the nearest hospital, my son was speechless.  I was told by the nurse that Dayton was in pain and in shock, which is why he wasn't speaking, something common among children on the spectrum.  Dayton didn't speak for two days. 

For those of you thinking I have no respect for you, look at my baby's face one more time.  Ask yourself "if this was my child, what would I think?"  Then put yourself in my shoes.  Do I blame the principal?  No.  Do I blame the resource teacher?  No.  Do I blame the guidance counselor?  No.  Who then do I blame?  The Manitoba government for not educating our educators and aids.  That's who I blame. 

When Dayton is playing in our back yard, I'm right there with him.  When he plays on the play ground, I'm outside on my camping chair with him.  When he goes swimming, I'm in the swimming pool with him.  I don't do this because I can't bear the thought of not seeing him 24/7.  I do this because when Dayton gets an idea, he follows through with that idea, without thought of the danger it poses to him or others.  It's called AUTISM.  I know my son looks good, he gets his good looks from me.  But even though he's the handsomest little man I've met in my life, he has AUTISM.  This means I can not leave him unattended.  He needs care every single second of the day.  Our schools do their best with the funding they receive and within the parameters they've been given, parameters and funding given by the Manitoba government.  So, my problem is with the government, not you personally.  Just because I don't agree with your views of removing God from our classrooms, does not mean I don't respect you.  The minute you're more concerned with your own agenda and acknowledgement than our children's education, is the instant I lose respect for you.

I hope I've made my stand clear.  This is Canada.  We have freedom of speech here, do we not?  You don't like my blog, don't read it.  No one is forcing you to.  Be assured, you will not silence me, no matter how many hate E-mails you send me.  I will continue to fight for our children's education, they are OUR future!



Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

A Froot Loop In A World Full Of Cheerios

I posted a link to my last blog titled "CFS, Friend or Foe" on my facebook page, and got responses to the blog almost right away.  A friend who's  twelve year old daughter also has autism, had commented on how her daughter's school has not had an IEP in place for her daughter since grade one!  They seem to think it a waste of time, but not a waste of time to call CFS on her because her little girl is "too skinny."  How familiar this story is to me...

Dayton is a tall and skinny 9 year old.  I fret over making his lunches at school, worry about his weight all the time.  I'm a wee bit over weight, and could definitely stand to lose a few pounds.  I don't think I've met a woman that's ever been happy with her weight, but when I tell you I'm a wee bit overweight, believe it to be true.  I enjoy romantic walks to the fridge...

Dayton's father on the other hand stands very tall at 6'3" and is super lean.  Not skinny, he's "one of those people" we all love to hate.  The ones that can eat whatever they want, whenever they want and never have to work out, yet looks like he's a health nut and works out faithfully...  Grrrr...

Any how...  Here's the latest email from Dayton's school with my response:

The email from the school guidance counselor:

Good afternoon Lou

Just thought I'd check in with you re Dayton's start to the day as he has been saying that he doesn't eat his breakfast and is hungry as soon as he gets to school. What is your take on this?  Thanks for the feedback.

My response back to the school:

Hi Judy,

I've discussed your email with the principal this afternoon, as I was shocked to receive it.  I've also had the chance to discuss this with Dayton.

First, I'd like to assure you as I have assured the principal, Dayton eats breakfast every morning, and it's always the same breakfast as he won't eat anything else:  a nutella sandwich, with either tea or milk (most often he ignores the beverage).  He has this every morning at 7:15am, as it takes him 15 minutes to eat.  At 7:30am, he is asked to get his teeth and hair brushed, wash his face and get dressed for school.  This takes him another 20 minutes or so.  If he has enough time, he gets to watch "YTV" before heading off to school.  He gets picked up by the bus at 8am.  Would it make sense for him to be hungry when he gets to school?

I've discussed this with Dayton.  He tells me that he arrived at the school and you had asked him what he had for breakfast, and that he told you "nothing" as a joke?  Of course I'm not finding this amusing at all.  Speaking to the principal she was under the impression that you had tried to get him to do some work at which point he may have delayed the work by asking to eat first?  I'm not sure which happened...

His lunches are always the same, as he doesn't want anything else but meat, crackers, pudding or yogurt.  I always send him to school with a fruit, which sometimes he eats, sometimes he doesn't.  I used to send him to school with snap peas or celery sticks, but he used them in an offensive way in class (placing them between his legs) and he no longer gets them included in his lunches as Mrs. P. complained of his behavior.
 
Here's what I do know. 
When bed time arrives, Dayton will try to delay bed time by asking for a snack.  I've combated this by offering him a drink and a snack before announcing it is bed time.  If I am asking Dayton to do something he's not comfortable with or if it's something he doesn't like to do, he will ask for a snack.  I've combated this in the same way, by offering him a snack before the task.

I've just checked his lunch bag, and he still has an apple sauce and a package of bunny crackers.  So it appears he is getting more than enough food to take with him to school.  Every day he comes home from school, he has plenty of lunch left over, sometimes he doesn't even touch his lunch. 

On weekends, Dayton most often grazes.  I find he eats more because I don't need to give him the second Biphentin as necessary at school.  One of Biphentin's side effects is loss of appetite. 

There are times when Dayton is uncomfortable, and sometimes he copes with his discomfort by eating.  He takes after me in that respect, and thankfully has his father's metabolism.

I hope I've answered all of your questions. 

Lou

Her response back to me was "thank you."  Seriously!  These are the actual emails I had sent, with the exception of substituting the word principal for the principal's name and the changing Mrs. P's name. 

There's so many more emails I could share with you, but I thought I would share this one as it addresses my friend's concern on food and weight issues.  As a parent, I feel responsible for my child's behavior.  The school knows this, and they hold me accountable for his behavior.  It seems as a parent, that no matter what you say, do, or write, there is always that unspoken insinuation that at the core of the problem is your parenting.  Although there typically is no mention of the word "irritated," you can often sense the "tone" of the email coming through loud and clear as in this one from Dayton's principal:

Hi Lou,

Dayton and I are just talking about being kind to Jack. He just flushed one of Jack's toys down the toilet and Dayton will have to replace this toy. It is a little mini figure. He can describe it to you.

He continues to call Jack names and we have talked about this as well.

If you get a chance to call, Dayton is still with me.

Yes...  because I check my email every every minute of the day...  Fortunately for the principal, I do have my email set up to alert me immediately on my blackberry, so I'm aware of an email right away, as long as I have my blackberry with me that is.

Continuing on with some of the comments made on my facebook page regarding the link to this past blog, another friend had posted a link that may be of help to you if you have a picky eater.  Her little guy refused to eat veggies or anything remotely healthy, and so she tricked him by giving him a veggie burger shaped as Mickey Mouse...  Here's the link:   http://www.sobeyscorporate.com/sustainability/customers/compliments_junior_disney.html

Let me know via email at autism.diva.help@gmail.com or by commenting on this post if there is a topic you would like to discuss.  

Consider yourselves hugged!

Lou