Hmmmm... Not sure what to think here... All I know is my little guy's got a huge red spot under his eye that looks like someone punched him in the face, which is NOT what happened, so let's just settle down all you autism mamma warriors. No one hit my boy, he's fine... kind of... He's rubbed the skin off from under his eye, and it's super, angry red...
When I got to the school and snuck around to spy on my boy, to see what it is that happens for him during gym class, he was huddled with his educational assistant who was obviously tenderly caring for him. As much as it tore at my heart strings, seeing that someone who actually cared about him was there for him held me in place to continue spying, only he stayed with his educational assistant and did not look ready to participate at gym. Cuddling for this long is not the norm for Dayton and to be honest, I got a little jealous! Who does this broad think she is? Kidding. I'm super grateful for her tender loving care for my baby. I'm very fortunate to have her work with Dayton and pray to God that Dayton gets to keep her next year, his last year at elementary school. Anyhow...
When I got to my babe, he looked up at me all sad like, and crawled closer to me. Mwahahaha, babe loves mamma the best. But my poor babe! He looked so sad. He told me how he got all ready for gym class, and then his eyes started to hurt 'real bad.' Poor little guy... I asked if he would get back to class if I raced home to get him some Advil, and he promised he would. Thank goodness I live a two minute drive from the school! I raced home, grabbed the Advil, and thought I'd best take some Benadryl too... His face kind of reminded me of what it looked like when he had his rash in Campbell River, and I wanted to make him feel more comfortable.
Racing back to the school, I walked in on my babe participating with the rest of the class in gym. Walking by, I quickly gave him the medicine I brought from home and continued to the end of the gym to sit beside his educational assistant.
I can see why he likes her. She's a petite 'lil lady, with beautiful facial features and gorgeous hair. She's very down to earth and talked about Dayton in a kind way. She told me how Dayton doesn't like to do work, but she's explained to him how she doesn't like to do dishes, but she still has to do them... He told her 'that's dumb...,' but she didn't get mad. She just insisted he do his work, and he has.
Do they have confrontations? Sure they do! But here's the interesting part, the difference I was looking for this year... Dayton LOVES her! More important, he respects her. He cares about what she thinks. He is crushed if he disappoints her. She told me of one time how he looked at her after an incident and said to her "I guess you're mad at me now," and he looked terribly sad about it.
Am I jealous? Absolutely! The little punk doesn't care if he disappoints me! Why that little... Yes, I'm jealous. Not only is she perfect, but she's stolen my boy's heart... and I couldn't be happier. What comfort it gives a mamma to know her baby is loved!
But then I talked to the office administrator... It seems Dayton has been flirting with her, winking at her and giving her that flirtatious smile... Looks like I'm gonna have ma'hands full...
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Showing posts with label respect. Show all posts
Showing posts with label respect. Show all posts
Wednesday, 23 November 2011
Friday, 14 October 2011
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Aretha Franklin, you so had it right. All I want is a little respect. Don't we all?
I can hardly believe I'm dealing with the same school as I had last year. Dayton is so much happier this year, which naturally means so am I. He's doing so much more work, and I'm not sure why this year is so much smoother than the past two years of struggle and heart ache. Don't get me wrong... we still have a very long way to go to get caught up to his peers, but we've made such wonderful progress on all fronts: behavior, compliance to work, work production, and making friends by being nice and SHARING. Holly crap. I never thought I'd see a report come home telling me how Dayton is sharing at school with others!!! Wow! I'm so pleased.
I've dreaded walking into Dayton's school in the past. We missed the bus this morning, because it's picture day, and we broke his regular routine by having me put gel in Dayton's hair, brushing it and styling it. As my neighbor says: "Oh Mylanta." Breaking Dayton's routine is like having a freaking root canal. Needless to say, there was some screaming, some "I hate you mom(s)," and some "argh's" flying about. Missing the bus meant I had to drop him off at his school... argh...
Things have changed. I tried to walk into the school unnoticed, but the principal and the guidance counselor were standing right there, in the office where I had to drop Dayton off... and they were NICE. Even the guidance counselor was nice, and this is definitely new as the two of us clash like Pepsi and Coke. We're so similar, yet so different. Both of us are stubborn and believe we know best what Dayton needs, and neither one of us cooperates with each other. But today was different.
We both smiled, both agreed on how much Dayton has improved this year and she offered her condolences for our family's tough times ahead. She then proceeded to tell me about this wonderful social story series she's found on traveling by air, and how she's purchased a computer strictly for Dayton's use. She briefly described her plans for Dayton, and how I would take pictures of our trip and she would help to teach Dayton to put all the pictures into a power point presentation to show his class his travels and his stay in BC. How awesome is this?! I am absolutely thrilled!!!
Respect. That's it in a nut shell. For the first time in two years, I felt respected by the guidance counselor, and I finally felt she had respect for my son. In turn, she has earned respect back from me. I now see her as a 'guidance' counselor, and see her guiding not only Dayton, but also me. And the time I'm going to save having her do the social stories... Priceless!
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
I can hardly believe I'm dealing with the same school as I had last year. Dayton is so much happier this year, which naturally means so am I. He's doing so much more work, and I'm not sure why this year is so much smoother than the past two years of struggle and heart ache. Don't get me wrong... we still have a very long way to go to get caught up to his peers, but we've made such wonderful progress on all fronts: behavior, compliance to work, work production, and making friends by being nice and SHARING. Holly crap. I never thought I'd see a report come home telling me how Dayton is sharing at school with others!!! Wow! I'm so pleased.
I've dreaded walking into Dayton's school in the past. We missed the bus this morning, because it's picture day, and we broke his regular routine by having me put gel in Dayton's hair, brushing it and styling it. As my neighbor says: "Oh Mylanta." Breaking Dayton's routine is like having a freaking root canal. Needless to say, there was some screaming, some "I hate you mom(s)," and some "argh's" flying about. Missing the bus meant I had to drop him off at his school... argh...
Things have changed. I tried to walk into the school unnoticed, but the principal and the guidance counselor were standing right there, in the office where I had to drop Dayton off... and they were NICE. Even the guidance counselor was nice, and this is definitely new as the two of us clash like Pepsi and Coke. We're so similar, yet so different. Both of us are stubborn and believe we know best what Dayton needs, and neither one of us cooperates with each other. But today was different.
We both smiled, both agreed on how much Dayton has improved this year and she offered her condolences for our family's tough times ahead. She then proceeded to tell me about this wonderful social story series she's found on traveling by air, and how she's purchased a computer strictly for Dayton's use. She briefly described her plans for Dayton, and how I would take pictures of our trip and she would help to teach Dayton to put all the pictures into a power point presentation to show his class his travels and his stay in BC. How awesome is this?! I am absolutely thrilled!!!
Respect. That's it in a nut shell. For the first time in two years, I felt respected by the guidance counselor, and I finally felt she had respect for my son. In turn, she has earned respect back from me. I now see her as a 'guidance' counselor, and see her guiding not only Dayton, but also me. And the time I'm going to save having her do the social stories... Priceless!
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Wednesday, 22 June 2011
To Integrate Or Not To Integrate, Why Bother Asking, It's Not Like a Parent Has a Choice
I had the good fortune of hearing my dad's voice on the phone the other night. He's in Olds, AB right now, working hard, far away from home. He said he came upon an article that he had to share with me, as it made him think of Dayton.
My dad was born hearing impaired. I had no idea that there is a Deaf Community Culture out there, similar to the Autism Community Cultures we have. There are many groups out there working hard to bring about Autism Awareness, probably more so in the States than here in Canada. In the States, they've dedicated the whole month of April towards Autism Awareness! Well done! All these communities work on awareness, acceptance and appreciation for diversity.
One particular Autism group comes to mind in respect to searching for, well... RESPECT for diversity - Age of Autism. Another is Autism Speaks.
There are many, many adults who have been diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder, who take strong offense at the idea of someone 'fixing' their autism. They also don't agree with the idea that vaccinations play a roll in triggering the autism spectrum. Their goal is to be respected and accepted for who they are as individuals and ask others to stop trying to 'fix' them, as they are not 'broken.' And what is it, may I ask... that integration in our schools teaches our children? Does it really teach to embrace diversity, or does it teach the children with 'issues' to conform to the 'norm?' Does mainstreaming our kiddos teach all children to accept each other for who they are, or is it to try and teach my child to 'pretend' to be 'normal?' Ugh... I hate the word normal...
While talking to my dad, he asked me to substitute the word Deaf for the word Autism, and see whether or not I thought the author's writing relates to what Dayton suffers through in school... I ask for you to take my dad's advice as well.
In no way am I stating that deafness is the same as having autism, but there are definitely some similarities. Adults and children on the autism spectrum disorder, often have sensory processing issues (also known as SPD). Most on the spectrum have what's called an auditory processing problem. Dayton most certainly does. When I asked Dayton "hey buddy, what's two plus two," he just looked at me as though he saw a third eye growing out of my forehead. After many frustrating attempts at having Dayton answer my question, I finally gave up asking my question verbally, but I'm a stubborn woman. I know full well my son knows the answer and I'm not letting this go. I grab a piece of paper and write out my query as numbers instead of words... "Ohhhh..." he says. "Why didn't you ask me like this before momma?" Instead of answering me verbally, Dayton wrote the number 4 beside the math question...
The following is quoted from Deaf Culture: About the Deaf Community:
http://www.signlanguageresourcesinc.com/page.cfm?page=960
My dad was born hearing impaired. I had no idea that there is a Deaf Community Culture out there, similar to the Autism Community Cultures we have. There are many groups out there working hard to bring about Autism Awareness, probably more so in the States than here in Canada. In the States, they've dedicated the whole month of April towards Autism Awareness! Well done! All these communities work on awareness, acceptance and appreciation for diversity.
One particular Autism group comes to mind in respect to searching for, well... RESPECT for diversity - Age of Autism. Another is Autism Speaks.
There are many, many adults who have been diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder, who take strong offense at the idea of someone 'fixing' their autism. They also don't agree with the idea that vaccinations play a roll in triggering the autism spectrum. Their goal is to be respected and accepted for who they are as individuals and ask others to stop trying to 'fix' them, as they are not 'broken.' And what is it, may I ask... that integration in our schools teaches our children? Does it really teach to embrace diversity, or does it teach the children with 'issues' to conform to the 'norm?' Does mainstreaming our kiddos teach all children to accept each other for who they are, or is it to try and teach my child to 'pretend' to be 'normal?' Ugh... I hate the word normal...
While talking to my dad, he asked me to substitute the word Deaf for the word Autism, and see whether or not I thought the author's writing relates to what Dayton suffers through in school... I ask for you to take my dad's advice as well.
In no way am I stating that deafness is the same as having autism, but there are definitely some similarities. Adults and children on the autism spectrum disorder, often have sensory processing issues (also known as SPD). Most on the spectrum have what's called an auditory processing problem. Dayton most certainly does. When I asked Dayton "hey buddy, what's two plus two," he just looked at me as though he saw a third eye growing out of my forehead. After many frustrating attempts at having Dayton answer my question, I finally gave up asking my question verbally, but I'm a stubborn woman. I know full well my son knows the answer and I'm not letting this go. I grab a piece of paper and write out my query as numbers instead of words... "Ohhhh..." he says. "Why didn't you ask me like this before momma?" Instead of answering me verbally, Dayton wrote the number 4 beside the math question...
The following is quoted from Deaf Culture: About the Deaf Community:
http://www.signlanguageresourcesinc.com/page.cfm?page=960
even well-meaning attempts to integrate deaf people into hearing society may actually imprison them in a zone of silence. Jostled by a crowd but unable to communicate, they are effectively alone. The problem is especially acute in schools, where mainstreaming has led to the decline of residential schools for the disabled and the deaf and the integration of many such students into ordinary public schools. Since deafness is rare, affecting one child in a thousand, deaf students are thinly scattered. As a result, half of all deaf children in public school have either no deaf classmates at all or very few.
"Mainstreaming deaf children in regular public-school programs," the prominent deaf educator Leo Jacobs writes, will produce "a new generation of of educational failures" and "frustrated and unfulfilled adults." Another deaf spokesman, Mervin Garretson, is even harsher. The danger of mainstreaming, he contends, is that def children could be "educationally, vocationally, and emotionally mutilated."
Most classroom teaching is done by speaking. If my child has auditory processing issues, how can he contribute to the rest of the class? If he can't follow verbal instruction, how can he possibly learn in a mainstreamed classroom? How does this affect my babe's self esteem? "emotionally mutilated."
There's a reason why I have a picture schedule for Dayton in our main washroom, and believe me, it is not because the drawings add to the decor. How I wish I could simply tell Dayton "get ready for school buddy." He wouldn't even know where to begin!!! I have to give him one instruction at a time in order for him to comply, not because he's defiant, but because he literally CAN'T. Which brings me back to asking why are we so focused on integration and mainstreaming? Is it not more important to ensure that our children get a quality education by professionals who understand their way of thinking? I think it's time for the government to step up to the plate and do what's right, not politically correct.
"If you were a droplet of water placed into the ocean, could you pull yourself out or would you simply blend with the waters?" Pulling yourself out means you're a unique individual, something everyone strides to be once hitting puberty. That's why we have kids dressing in 'goth,' expressing themselves with make up or trying to start a new 'fad.' Yet, we demand our children blend into the waters. They must be 'just like the other children.' In the same breath, we ask ourselves and others to 'think outside the box.' Could it be possible that our kiddos are doing exactly that? Thinking outside that proverbial box?
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
PS. Thanks dad for sharing this link with me!!!
"Mainstreaming deaf children in regular public-school programs," the prominent deaf educator Leo Jacobs writes, will produce "a new generation of of educational failures" and "frustrated and unfulfilled adults." Another deaf spokesman, Mervin Garretson, is even harsher. The danger of mainstreaming, he contends, is that def children could be "educationally, vocationally, and emotionally mutilated."
Most classroom teaching is done by speaking. If my child has auditory processing issues, how can he contribute to the rest of the class? If he can't follow verbal instruction, how can he possibly learn in a mainstreamed classroom? How does this affect my babe's self esteem? "emotionally mutilated."
There's a reason why I have a picture schedule for Dayton in our main washroom, and believe me, it is not because the drawings add to the decor. How I wish I could simply tell Dayton "get ready for school buddy." He wouldn't even know where to begin!!! I have to give him one instruction at a time in order for him to comply, not because he's defiant, but because he literally CAN'T. Which brings me back to asking why are we so focused on integration and mainstreaming? Is it not more important to ensure that our children get a quality education by professionals who understand their way of thinking? I think it's time for the government to step up to the plate and do what's right, not politically correct.
"If you were a droplet of water placed into the ocean, could you pull yourself out or would you simply blend with the waters?" Pulling yourself out means you're a unique individual, something everyone strides to be once hitting puberty. That's why we have kids dressing in 'goth,' expressing themselves with make up or trying to start a new 'fad.' Yet, we demand our children blend into the waters. They must be 'just like the other children.' In the same breath, we ask ourselves and others to 'think outside the box.' Could it be possible that our kiddos are doing exactly that? Thinking outside that proverbial box?
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
PS. Thanks dad for sharing this link with me!!!
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
Accusations And Hate E-mail
Awwwww, shucks.
It appears I've ruffled a few feathers out there. I seemed to have raised some controversy, and made a couple of people a little "uncomfortable." Believe me, I don't take this lightly, as I am a people pleaser, constantly bending over to make people comfortable and desperately wanting to be liked by everyone involved in Dayton's care. So, hearing that there are people out there that don't like what I have to say does hurt, but I have to keep my focus on what's most important at heart. This really, really sucks!
Being accused of not having respect for people, their positions in organizations, their work, etc. is disturbing to me. I have a lot of respect for Dayton's teachers, his principal and especially his resource teacher. Dayton's guidance counselor and I have a major personality clash, but in saying this, I respect her position with the school. Do I agree with every view these women have? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! But there is a major difference between 'disagreement' and 'disrespect.'
I have never spit in any one's face, kicked them in their shins, publicly humiliated or threatened them in a personal or professional way. Dayton does this on his own when he's treated with little respect. In saying this, I do not appreciate or respect people or organizations that are working for their own gratification, for recognition or helping our children only if it helps their political ambitions. What do politics have to do with our children's disabilities? Your own political agendas and your ambition for recognition does nothing for our children, or for me, so please spare me your hate E-mail. I have bigger and better things to worry about. When those of you worried about lining your own pockets make our children's education a priority, I will show you respect. Look at my son's face. Does this look like you have our children's education and safety in mind?
This happened during school recess, with a full time aid, two weeks ago. The school staff told me Dayton "fell off the swing," while Dayton tells me he was "pushed off" the swing. Somewhere in the middle lies the truth. Either way, I'm not impressed. When I picked Dayton up from school, blood was coming out of his mouth and face. The white of his right eye was an angry red, and I feared for his eye. Driving like a maniac to the nearest hospital, my son was speechless. I was told by the nurse that Dayton was in pain and in shock, which is why he wasn't speaking, something common among children on the spectrum. Dayton didn't speak for two days.
For those of you thinking I have no respect for you, look at my baby's face one more time. Ask yourself "if this was my child, what would I think?" Then put yourself in my shoes. Do I blame the principal? No. Do I blame the resource teacher? No. Do I blame the guidance counselor? No. Who then do I blame? The Manitoba government for not educating our educators and aids. That's who I blame.
When Dayton is playing in our back yard, I'm right there with him. When he plays on the play ground, I'm outside on my camping chair with him. When he goes swimming, I'm in the swimming pool with him. I don't do this because I can't bear the thought of not seeing him 24/7. I do this because when Dayton gets an idea, he follows through with that idea, without thought of the danger it poses to him or others. It's called AUTISM. I know my son looks good, he gets his good looks from me. But even though he's the handsomest little man I've met in my life, he has AUTISM. This means I can not leave him unattended. He needs care every single second of the day. Our schools do their best with the funding they receive and within the parameters they've been given, parameters and funding given by the Manitoba government. So, my problem is with the government, not you personally. Just because I don't agree with your views of removing God from our classrooms, does not mean I don't respect you. The minute you're more concerned with your own agenda and acknowledgement than our children's education, is the instant I lose respect for you.
I hope I've made my stand clear. This is Canada. We have freedom of speech here, do we not? You don't like my blog, don't read it. No one is forcing you to. Be assured, you will not silence me, no matter how many hate E-mails you send me. I will continue to fight for our children's education, they are OUR future!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
It appears I've ruffled a few feathers out there. I seemed to have raised some controversy, and made a couple of people a little "uncomfortable." Believe me, I don't take this lightly, as I am a people pleaser, constantly bending over to make people comfortable and desperately wanting to be liked by everyone involved in Dayton's care. So, hearing that there are people out there that don't like what I have to say does hurt, but I have to keep my focus on what's most important at heart. This really, really sucks!
Being accused of not having respect for people, their positions in organizations, their work, etc. is disturbing to me. I have a lot of respect for Dayton's teachers, his principal and especially his resource teacher. Dayton's guidance counselor and I have a major personality clash, but in saying this, I respect her position with the school. Do I agree with every view these women have? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! But there is a major difference between 'disagreement' and 'disrespect.'
I have never spit in any one's face, kicked them in their shins, publicly humiliated or threatened them in a personal or professional way. Dayton does this on his own when he's treated with little respect. In saying this, I do not appreciate or respect people or organizations that are working for their own gratification, for recognition or helping our children only if it helps their political ambitions. What do politics have to do with our children's disabilities? Your own political agendas and your ambition for recognition does nothing for our children, or for me, so please spare me your hate E-mail. I have bigger and better things to worry about. When those of you worried about lining your own pockets make our children's education a priority, I will show you respect. Look at my son's face. Does this look like you have our children's education and safety in mind?
This happened during school recess, with a full time aid, two weeks ago. The school staff told me Dayton "fell off the swing," while Dayton tells me he was "pushed off" the swing. Somewhere in the middle lies the truth. Either way, I'm not impressed. When I picked Dayton up from school, blood was coming out of his mouth and face. The white of his right eye was an angry red, and I feared for his eye. Driving like a maniac to the nearest hospital, my son was speechless. I was told by the nurse that Dayton was in pain and in shock, which is why he wasn't speaking, something common among children on the spectrum. Dayton didn't speak for two days.
For those of you thinking I have no respect for you, look at my baby's face one more time. Ask yourself "if this was my child, what would I think?" Then put yourself in my shoes. Do I blame the principal? No. Do I blame the resource teacher? No. Do I blame the guidance counselor? No. Who then do I blame? The Manitoba government for not educating our educators and aids. That's who I blame.
When Dayton is playing in our back yard, I'm right there with him. When he plays on the play ground, I'm outside on my camping chair with him. When he goes swimming, I'm in the swimming pool with him. I don't do this because I can't bear the thought of not seeing him 24/7. I do this because when Dayton gets an idea, he follows through with that idea, without thought of the danger it poses to him or others. It's called AUTISM. I know my son looks good, he gets his good looks from me. But even though he's the handsomest little man I've met in my life, he has AUTISM. This means I can not leave him unattended. He needs care every single second of the day. Our schools do their best with the funding they receive and within the parameters they've been given, parameters and funding given by the Manitoba government. So, my problem is with the government, not you personally. Just because I don't agree with your views of removing God from our classrooms, does not mean I don't respect you. The minute you're more concerned with your own agenda and acknowledgement than our children's education, is the instant I lose respect for you.
I hope I've made my stand clear. This is Canada. We have freedom of speech here, do we not? You don't like my blog, don't read it. No one is forcing you to. Be assured, you will not silence me, no matter how many hate E-mails you send me. I will continue to fight for our children's education, they are OUR future!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
Your Life Is In Danger By My Son?!
Oy Vey... Yes, It's been one of them days.
Apparently Dayton (keep in mind the little rascal weighs 60 lbs and stands about 4'2") has threatened to hurt his teacher, by kicking HER in the "balls where it will really hurt..." Yes, I said HER.
Dayton was sitting at his table with his peers, cutting out action figures with weapons as he likes to do on a daily basis. This is nothing new. Nothing out of the ordinary (the school has no idea how to stop him, and has allowed it to continue), but this time his teacher demanded he hand over the scissors. Not sure in what moment of insanity she figured he'd comply as he cuts with these scissors EVERY DAY. Of course Dayton said no. Of course he did. You can't just decide one day that the boy can't cut anymore. The more she urged to to hand the scissors over, the more he argued that he wasn't "finished."
If there's one thing that every parent knows, and so should every educator, if your child on the autism spectrum is in the middle of doing something, telling him to stop before he's finished is not a good idea. Unless of course he is being a danger to himself or others, let's not get stupid here. If Dayton is working on a project, he literally can not move on to anything else until he is finished. Transitioning from Math to Science on a drop of a dime is next to impossible for him. He needs to have notice. If he's playing outside and of course I'm outside supervising his play and trying to use some of the therapists advice, blah, blah, blah, I need to give him at least a 10 minute warning that we will be heading in soon. Then again let him know he has 8 minutes, then 6 minutes, then 4 minutes, then 2 minutes then 1 minute. I have to carry a freaking timer where ever I go. He needs NOTICE so that he is prepared to transition to another activity. Period. I've told the school this many, many times. If I have to tell them again, I'm going lose my ever living mind.
So Dayton's teacher does not give him any notice, and demands him to hand over the scissors. Can you see where this is going? I'm sure you can...
After the third demand, Dayton lost it. He told her he would stab her with the scissors (totally inappropriate, I know it, you know it) and kicked her in the shin. Awesome (being sarcastic here). Then tells her the next time he will "kick her in the balls where it really hurts." This incident took place on April 19th. I was not told about the incident until 10 days after the fact. When I was told about it, I was presented with a formal, five page "Threat Incident Report" with the word "CONFIDENTIAL" stamped on each page.
I ask the principal why the sudden change in report. She's always sent me an email or if she had to write up an incident report, it was typed on a sheet of paper with her signature at the bottom. The difference this time is because the Dayton's teacher felt her life was in danger!!! Awwwwwesoooome!!! How does a 170 lb adult fear a 60 lb child?! Someone please answer this question! Through flaring nostrils the principal tells me that Manitoba Education is coming for a visit to the school... Ahhh, so the truth finally comes out...
"Ahhh, so advocating for my child has consequences then..."
"That's not what I said..."
"That's the message I'm getting. You know this report is 10 days old. Why hadn't someone contacted me?"
"You weren't contacted?"
"Nope. So I want a copy of this report please."
"We're not suppose to give you a copy, it clearly states that one copy goes to the School Division and the other copy remains with the school and no additional copies are permitted in circulation."
"I'm not leaving without a copy of this report. I have all day. I'm on medical leave."
I got the copy.
Clearly, Dayton's educators have no control over Dayton, in fact, it's the other way around. How is he supposed to learn from these so called "professionals?" It amazes me each time I speak with the principal, how Dayton is cursing, hitting and threatening, while at home he wouldn't dare to swear at me or strike me. While I understand that there are thirty children in the classroom, he does also have a full time aid that should be at his side. This aid should understand Dayton by now, he's been with him since September. The aid should also be in charge of Dayton, not the other way around.
I think it's safe to say that at the root of Dayton's behavior problem is a simple notion called RESPECT. Dayton respects me, and I respect him back in return. I recognize when he's upset, when he's tired, and when he needs a break and intervene. Why? Not because I'm his mother, but because I understand that without the intervention, Dayton's behavior will get out of control. Also, as his mother, I am in charge of the situation. Dayton knowing I respect him, also knows I have his best interest at heart. If he doesn't feel he's respected or understood (which he is not at school), he will take matters in his own hands. This is not just Dayton as a child with autism, but Dayton as a child, period.
This in no way means that I condone Dayton's behavior. Absolutely not! But I do understand it.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Apparently Dayton (keep in mind the little rascal weighs 60 lbs and stands about 4'2") has threatened to hurt his teacher, by kicking HER in the "balls where it will really hurt..." Yes, I said HER.
Dayton was sitting at his table with his peers, cutting out action figures with weapons as he likes to do on a daily basis. This is nothing new. Nothing out of the ordinary (the school has no idea how to stop him, and has allowed it to continue), but this time his teacher demanded he hand over the scissors. Not sure in what moment of insanity she figured he'd comply as he cuts with these scissors EVERY DAY. Of course Dayton said no. Of course he did. You can't just decide one day that the boy can't cut anymore. The more she urged to to hand the scissors over, the more he argued that he wasn't "finished."
If there's one thing that every parent knows, and so should every educator, if your child on the autism spectrum is in the middle of doing something, telling him to stop before he's finished is not a good idea. Unless of course he is being a danger to himself or others, let's not get stupid here. If Dayton is working on a project, he literally can not move on to anything else until he is finished. Transitioning from Math to Science on a drop of a dime is next to impossible for him. He needs to have notice. If he's playing outside and of course I'm outside supervising his play and trying to use some of the therapists advice, blah, blah, blah, I need to give him at least a 10 minute warning that we will be heading in soon. Then again let him know he has 8 minutes, then 6 minutes, then 4 minutes, then 2 minutes then 1 minute. I have to carry a freaking timer where ever I go. He needs NOTICE so that he is prepared to transition to another activity. Period. I've told the school this many, many times. If I have to tell them again, I'm going lose my ever living mind.
So Dayton's teacher does not give him any notice, and demands him to hand over the scissors. Can you see where this is going? I'm sure you can...
After the third demand, Dayton lost it. He told her he would stab her with the scissors (totally inappropriate, I know it, you know it) and kicked her in the shin. Awesome (being sarcastic here). Then tells her the next time he will "kick her in the balls where it really hurts." This incident took place on April 19th. I was not told about the incident until 10 days after the fact. When I was told about it, I was presented with a formal, five page "Threat Incident Report" with the word "CONFIDENTIAL" stamped on each page.
I ask the principal why the sudden change in report. She's always sent me an email or if she had to write up an incident report, it was typed on a sheet of paper with her signature at the bottom. The difference this time is because the Dayton's teacher felt her life was in danger!!! Awwwwwesoooome!!! How does a 170 lb adult fear a 60 lb child?! Someone please answer this question! Through flaring nostrils the principal tells me that Manitoba Education is coming for a visit to the school... Ahhh, so the truth finally comes out...
"Ahhh, so advocating for my child has consequences then..."
"That's not what I said..."
"That's the message I'm getting. You know this report is 10 days old. Why hadn't someone contacted me?"
"You weren't contacted?"
"Nope. So I want a copy of this report please."
"We're not suppose to give you a copy, it clearly states that one copy goes to the School Division and the other copy remains with the school and no additional copies are permitted in circulation."
"I'm not leaving without a copy of this report. I have all day. I'm on medical leave."
I got the copy.
Clearly, Dayton's educators have no control over Dayton, in fact, it's the other way around. How is he supposed to learn from these so called "professionals?" It amazes me each time I speak with the principal, how Dayton is cursing, hitting and threatening, while at home he wouldn't dare to swear at me or strike me. While I understand that there are thirty children in the classroom, he does also have a full time aid that should be at his side. This aid should understand Dayton by now, he's been with him since September. The aid should also be in charge of Dayton, not the other way around.
I think it's safe to say that at the root of Dayton's behavior problem is a simple notion called RESPECT. Dayton respects me, and I respect him back in return. I recognize when he's upset, when he's tired, and when he needs a break and intervene. Why? Not because I'm his mother, but because I understand that without the intervention, Dayton's behavior will get out of control. Also, as his mother, I am in charge of the situation. Dayton knowing I respect him, also knows I have his best interest at heart. If he doesn't feel he's respected or understood (which he is not at school), he will take matters in his own hands. This is not just Dayton as a child with autism, but Dayton as a child, period.
This in no way means that I condone Dayton's behavior. Absolutely not! But I do understand it.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Saturday, 12 March 2011
Welcome To Social Skills Group
Wow...
Seriously! It was amazing, and I can hardly wait to tell you all about it. I'm typing as fast as I can, smoke billowing off my keyboard, I'm just so thrilled to share this with you all!!! For once my child was accepted for who he is and how he thinks.
I had called ASM with the thought of seeking a play group for Dayton with children on the spectrum, a support system for Dayton if you will. Sandra (from ASM) had suggested the Social Skills Group and I thought, meh, not sure if that's what I'm looking for, but Dayton could definitely use some help in this area and agreed to enroll. Because we had missed 2 sessions, Sandra told me she would charge me $50.00 for the remaining 6 sessions. OK! Sold!
So off we go to our first session. Naturally, since I have no sense of direction, we get lost. And to make it worse, I'm trying to find the place in the dark. I'm hoping Dayton forgot the few choice words he no doubt heard me utter under my breath. Winnipeg drivers are so unforgiving... Super miserable about it and worrying that we're going to be late (I hate being late!!!). Finally, I find the building and we make it with five minutes to spare, whew!!! Parking was a little tricky, as it's all reserved parking, then I remembered Sandra telling me that it's reserved during the day, and that we are allowed to park in the evening with no concern of being towed. Whew! I'm a little anal, so naturally, I ask the security guard on duty and confirm that I'm fine parking in the parking lot across the building. OK, so we're in the building, we have to sign it with the same security guard, and we sit down to wait.
I love watching people, kind of a hobby of mine. Perhaps because of my line of work? Anyways, new surroundings for Dayton, and he's not quite sure what to do with himself. I ask if he wants to sit down, he says "no." I sit down, and he sits beside me. Both of us are kind of wide eyed, the deer caught in the head lights kind of look. We're so not fooling anyone around us, not that anyone is really paying attention to us. As I watch the kids coming through the doors, I'm thinking we're in the wrong group. Some pretty seriously affected children with autism came through those doors. I felt a pang of shame for my "ordeal" with Dayton's diagnosis, thinking these parents have it so much more worse. And then thought, perhaps not. The children I observed were obviously affected with autism, where as my little guy is very high functioning. His school seems to be in denial of his diagnosis. Dayton can speak, he can walk, he is potty trained, and looks "normal." God, I hate that word... "normal." What is "normal" anyways? And so his school treats Dayton as though he is "normal," and doesn't stop to think he may be overstimulated by sounds, sights and smells... Anyways...
The therapist comes to get the children, and Dayton and I missed her, trying to figure out his new iPod touch. The security guard rolls her eyes at us as she buzzes us in... We walk into the classroom, and there were more kids. Now I look at the kids I obviously missed in the waiting area... There's some there that to me seemed "normal." I'm thinking they may be neurotypical siblings, but no... Each and every child here has a diagnosis of ASD. I'm amazed! When you meet A child with ASD, you've met A child with ASD. Such a wide spectrum!
I hover around Dayton, wondering why there are no parents in this classroom. What do I do? I promised Dayton that I would stay with him if he needed me, but it seems I am persona non grata here... I help Dayton take his jacket off, hang it up on a coat rack and tell him I will be right outside the door of the classroom. I wave good bye, and assure him that I'm right by the door, and hear everything that's happening. Outside the door, I find these little, tiny pre-school chairs, and think I'd need about three of them to get even remotely comfortable, but chose one and sit, uncomfortably for an hour, waiting, listening, praying...
Dayton's shoulders rose to his ears, and his eyes move sharply to the right, so sharply I think it's got to hurt! He says no. And I immediately see how Dayton's school can see this behavior as defiant, but when I looked closer, he was not the only one doing this! The therapist didn't demand their attention, instead she asked them if they were comfortable. They both said "no." They both found a chair to sit. I wonder if he worded her question, knowing they would say no, as it probably wasn't comfortable in order for them to sit down, which is what she wanted? Hmmmmm...
At the end of class, the therapist asked the kids if they had fun. Naturally, a few of them said "no," and yet these huge grins on their faces, Dayton being one of them. They each got a snack during class and a prize to take home for coming out for the evening. Dayton left perseverating on the word "I."
Respect. That's what I saw that night. RESPECT for my boy, the way he thought and how he is. Respect is a mutual thing. Most people give their respect upon meeting someone... Consider yourself around a senior citizen... You just automatically respect and sort of in a way trust... Not our kids. They've been jilted so many times, that their respect must be earned first, especially their trust. This therapist knew this, and RESPECTED it.
If you can afford $100.00 for 8 hour long sessions, once a week, I strongly recommend contacting the ASM (Autism Society of Manitoba), and registering your child for a Social Skills Group.
For more information on ASM, contact them at:
http://autismmanitoba.com/
They're located at 825 Sherbrook St,
Winnipeg, MB.
Tel: 204-783-9563
For those of you not leaving in Winnipeg, check out the Autism Society Canada website: http://www.autismsocietycanada.ca/
then click here: Provincial and Territorial Societies. You can find an organization in your community that will offer the same kind of "social skills group" I've experienced. They will offer more groups for you to check out. Pick what you think you will find the most beneficial for you and your little one.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Seriously! It was amazing, and I can hardly wait to tell you all about it. I'm typing as fast as I can, smoke billowing off my keyboard, I'm just so thrilled to share this with you all!!! For once my child was accepted for who he is and how he thinks.
I had called ASM with the thought of seeking a play group for Dayton with children on the spectrum, a support system for Dayton if you will. Sandra (from ASM) had suggested the Social Skills Group and I thought, meh, not sure if that's what I'm looking for, but Dayton could definitely use some help in this area and agreed to enroll. Because we had missed 2 sessions, Sandra told me she would charge me $50.00 for the remaining 6 sessions. OK! Sold!
So off we go to our first session. Naturally, since I have no sense of direction, we get lost. And to make it worse, I'm trying to find the place in the dark. I'm hoping Dayton forgot the few choice words he no doubt heard me utter under my breath. Winnipeg drivers are so unforgiving... Super miserable about it and worrying that we're going to be late (I hate being late!!!). Finally, I find the building and we make it with five minutes to spare, whew!!! Parking was a little tricky, as it's all reserved parking, then I remembered Sandra telling me that it's reserved during the day, and that we are allowed to park in the evening with no concern of being towed. Whew! I'm a little anal, so naturally, I ask the security guard on duty and confirm that I'm fine parking in the parking lot across the building. OK, so we're in the building, we have to sign it with the same security guard, and we sit down to wait.
I love watching people, kind of a hobby of mine. Perhaps because of my line of work? Anyways, new surroundings for Dayton, and he's not quite sure what to do with himself. I ask if he wants to sit down, he says "no." I sit down, and he sits beside me. Both of us are kind of wide eyed, the deer caught in the head lights kind of look. We're so not fooling anyone around us, not that anyone is really paying attention to us. As I watch the kids coming through the doors, I'm thinking we're in the wrong group. Some pretty seriously affected children with autism came through those doors. I felt a pang of shame for my "ordeal" with Dayton's diagnosis, thinking these parents have it so much more worse. And then thought, perhaps not. The children I observed were obviously affected with autism, where as my little guy is very high functioning. His school seems to be in denial of his diagnosis. Dayton can speak, he can walk, he is potty trained, and looks "normal." God, I hate that word... "normal." What is "normal" anyways? And so his school treats Dayton as though he is "normal," and doesn't stop to think he may be overstimulated by sounds, sights and smells... Anyways...
The therapist comes to get the children, and Dayton and I missed her, trying to figure out his new iPod touch. The security guard rolls her eyes at us as she buzzes us in... We walk into the classroom, and there were more kids. Now I look at the kids I obviously missed in the waiting area... There's some there that to me seemed "normal." I'm thinking they may be neurotypical siblings, but no... Each and every child here has a diagnosis of ASD. I'm amazed! When you meet A child with ASD, you've met A child with ASD. Such a wide spectrum!
I hover around Dayton, wondering why there are no parents in this classroom. What do I do? I promised Dayton that I would stay with him if he needed me, but it seems I am persona non grata here... I help Dayton take his jacket off, hang it up on a coat rack and tell him I will be right outside the door of the classroom. I wave good bye, and assure him that I'm right by the door, and hear everything that's happening. Outside the door, I find these little, tiny pre-school chairs, and think I'd need about three of them to get even remotely comfortable, but chose one and sit, uncomfortably for an hour, waiting, listening, praying...
Dayton's shoulders rose to his ears, and his eyes move sharply to the right, so sharply I think it's got to hurt! He says no. And I immediately see how Dayton's school can see this behavior as defiant, but when I looked closer, he was not the only one doing this! The therapist didn't demand their attention, instead she asked them if they were comfortable. They both said "no." They both found a chair to sit. I wonder if he worded her question, knowing they would say no, as it probably wasn't comfortable in order for them to sit down, which is what she wanted? Hmmmmm...
At the end of class, the therapist asked the kids if they had fun. Naturally, a few of them said "no," and yet these huge grins on their faces, Dayton being one of them. They each got a snack during class and a prize to take home for coming out for the evening. Dayton left perseverating on the word "I."
Respect. That's what I saw that night. RESPECT for my boy, the way he thought and how he is. Respect is a mutual thing. Most people give their respect upon meeting someone... Consider yourself around a senior citizen... You just automatically respect and sort of in a way trust... Not our kids. They've been jilted so many times, that their respect must be earned first, especially their trust. This therapist knew this, and RESPECTED it.
If you can afford $100.00 for 8 hour long sessions, once a week, I strongly recommend contacting the ASM (Autism Society of Manitoba), and registering your child for a Social Skills Group.
For more information on ASM, contact them at:
http://autismmanitoba.com/
They're located at 825 Sherbrook St,
Winnipeg, MB.
Tel: 204-783-9563
For those of you not leaving in Winnipeg, check out the Autism Society Canada website: http://www.autismsocietycanada.ca/
then click here: Provincial and Territorial Societies. You can find an organization in your community that will offer the same kind of "social skills group" I've experienced. They will offer more groups for you to check out. Pick what you think you will find the most beneficial for you and your little one.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
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