Has Special Needs Inclusion Gone Too Far? Part Deux

For the love of everything holly...

I never meant to insult parents by posting Has Special Needs Inclusion Gone Too Far in late November...  But I'm still getting hate email about this post, and quite frankly, it's starting to annoy me.

Yes, I agree with all the hate mail that said there are also bad teachers out there.  I totally 100% agree.  Dayton and I have met our fair share of them, believe me.  It appears that you have only read this one and only post and not the rest of my blog, so I forgive your ignorance.

I also agree with you that your special needs child has the right to an education like everyone else's child.  Absolutely.  But lets get real for a moment, shall we?

Who's best interest are we serving by having a fifteen year who's cognitive skills are that of a five year old sit in a grade ten classroom?  Do you honestly believe this child's rights are being met?  How about his or her education?  Give your head a shake people.  I'm not saying this child doesn't deserve an education or that he should not be in a classroom as he won't learn anything, I'm saying that this child needs to be in a classroom he or she can UNDERSTAND so that he CAN learn!!!  If the past nine years of teaching have had no educational value to this child, what makes you think he's going to improve in this atmosphere?

I'm sorry, but my son is in grade four.  Dayton is turning ten this February, but cognitively he thinks like a six year old.  He struggles with reading and writing and is sitting at about half way through grade one with reading.  Writing is more like kindergarten stage.  Oh, all right.  More like preschool...

As his mom, I want my baby to be with his peers, but NOT at the risk of his education.  Today's school system believes in social promotion.  Yesterday's school system was very different, but you know what?  It freaking worked.

I was out for coffee with a bunch of autism parents last Thursday night, and I was told by one of them that Winnipeg's drop out rate sits at 75%...  75%!!!  Why do you think that is?  I'll tell you why...  They can't read!!!  Why can't they read?  Social promotion!  I mean really...  I didn't want to fail, it would be very embarrassing, wouldn't it?  So I made sure I didn't fail and studied.  Don't get me wrong, I did the bare minimum.  I did my homework and by the grace of God passed, even math with which I struggled all through high school.

The first three years of elementary school you learn how to read.  Beginning in grade four, you are expected to learn from what you read.  How is Dayton doing here?  Obviously he's NOT.  Are his educational needs being met?  In a way I suppose they are, but at what cost?

Let's see...  can his teacher (who I swear is a saint) make up the one curriculum to teach her whole grade four classroom?  Ummmmmm...  NO.  I guarantee you that Dayton is not the only special needs student in her classroom either, so I'm going to bet that she's making a few lesson plans for her class.  Does she get paid extra for this work?  Ummmmm, NO.  Do you think she works past the time her "fourth graders" are dismissed? Ummmmm, YES.  Is this fair?  Ummmmm, NO!!!  I don't work for free, do you?  Why should she?  And yet, as a society, we expect her to, don't we?  Why?  Because our special needs kids have rights.

Let's get back to our special needs kids, shall we?  Do you think Dayton is having a good time in grade four?  Ummmmm, NO.  He likes his teacher, loved his beloved Educational Assistant, but he's not thrilled at seeing that he's 'different.'  At the end of the day, we're both exhausted, but we have extra work to do because as a parent, I want my baby to learn how to read and write.  Dayton wants to do what the rest of his peers are doing in the classroom...  but he knows that he's not capable of it.  What a blow to his little self esteem!!!  Our only grace this year has been his fantastic teacher.  Without her, I'm sure I'd have pulled out my hair, Dayton would be on more medication for stress, and there's no way I would be working now.  We'd sit on welfare, and I would most likely pull him out of school and home school him.

So back to the five year old stuck in a grade ten classroom...  Our Heavenly Father, I pray to you today that this five year old boy will not be my son.  I pray to you that if it is your will that this becomes my son, that you give me the courage to do what is RIGHT for my son and not what I selfishly WANT.  If this means that Dayton is not included with peers chronologically his age to see him happy with younger kids, please, open the eyes of my heart and not the eyes to my pride.  Please God, show me the way to my son's happiness and rights and blind me to my own selfish pride and sense of justice.

Amen.


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Aretha Franklin, you so had it right.  All I want is a little respect.  Don't we all?

I can hardly believe I'm dealing with the same school as I had last year.  Dayton is so much happier this year, which naturally means so am I.  He's doing so much more work, and I'm not sure why this year is so much smoother than the past two years of struggle and heart ache.  Don't get me wrong...  we still have a very long way to go to get caught up to his peers, but we've made such wonderful progress on all fronts:  behavior, compliance to work, work production, and making friends by being nice and SHARING.  Holly crap.  I never thought I'd see a report come home telling me how Dayton is sharing at school with others!!!  Wow!  I'm so pleased. 

I've dreaded walking into Dayton's school in the past.  We missed the bus this morning, because it's picture day, and we broke his regular routine by having me put gel in Dayton's hair, brushing it and styling it.  As my neighbor says:  "Oh Mylanta."  Breaking Dayton's routine is like having a freaking root canal.  Needless to say, there was some screaming, some "I hate you mom(s)," and some "argh's" flying about.  Missing the bus meant I had to drop him off at his school...  argh... 

Things have changed.  I tried to walk into the school unnoticed, but the principal and the guidance counselor were standing right there, in the office where I had to drop Dayton off...  and they were NICE.  Even the guidance counselor was nice, and this is definitely new as the two of us clash like Pepsi and Coke.  We're so similar, yet so different.  Both of us are stubborn and believe we know best what Dayton needs, and neither one of us cooperates with each other.  But today was different.

We both smiled, both agreed on how much Dayton has improved this year and she offered her condolences for our family's tough times ahead.  She then proceeded to tell me about this wonderful social story series she's found on traveling by air, and how she's purchased a computer strictly for Dayton's use.  She briefly described her plans for Dayton, and how I would take pictures of our trip and she would help to teach Dayton to put all the pictures into a power point presentation to show his class his travels and his stay in BC.  How awesome is this?!  I am absolutely thrilled!!!

Respect.  That's it in a nut shell.  For the first time in two years, I felt respected by the guidance counselor, and I finally felt she had respect for my son.  In turn, she has earned respect back from me.  I now see her as a 'guidance' counselor, and see her guiding not only Dayton, but also me.  And the time I'm going to save having her do the social stories...  Priceless!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T



Consider yourselves hugged,


Lou

Are You Ready For The New School Year?

Holly cow...  Two more weeks, and the new school year begins...  I'm soooooo not ready!!!  I'm starting to have panic attacks already.  They started off when I went to Walmart and saw the school supply list for grade four at Dayton's school...  There are two teachers teaching grade four, and one of them is Dayton's grade three teacher...  I didn't know which was going to be Dayton's teacher, and so I could not get school supplies as each teacher had her own school supply list!!!  Oh nnnnnoooooooooooo!!!  And so came panic attack number one.  Number two took place when I got an email from the school requesting me to set up an appointment with Dayton's teacher, but which one is his teacher?  Ugh!  Where's my bubble?!  I demand my bubble!  Or at least a paper bag to breath into or puke in. 

Anyways...  I'm not ready.  I'm losing sleep over it, and it's really rather silly.  I mean I've still got two weeks to go, and yes, there will be problems, and I've dealt with them before...  but I don't want to deal with them anymore.  Is that selfish on my part?  I mean, Dayton's my life, the air I breathe, my fruit to my loop and the peanut to my butter.  But I'm tired of dealing with issues at his school.  I really am.

Part of the issue is the school staff not understanding autism and Dayton's needs, and the other part is Dayton  exhibits typical nine year old behavior, but because Dayton has the label of autism (PDD-NOS), ADHD and global delays, I get a phone call every time he's "naughty."  It makes me wonder how often a parent with a neurotypical child gets calls to let them know every time their child gets into a dispute with a peer, or every time they got into an argument, or every time they used an inappropriate word.  I say this because one of Dayton's buddies who attends this same school has no label, but is just as hyper, just as inappropriate and just as loud as Dayton, yet his parents have received one phone call in the last two years.  I've lost track after twenty-five phone calls.  Oh boy...  here comes another panic attack...

But there is a silver lining to my worries.  This year, the school has a new principal, who comes from one of the "cluster" schools in our division that has experience with children on the autism spectrum.  Perhaps he can teach the guidance counselor how to guide?  Maybe he can set a new tone for the school?  Or maybe his predecessor has come to her senses and will come back as Dayton's aid?  I suppose time will tell...

I've called the school, and Dayton has a new teacher this year.  While I have mixed feelings on this "change," I suppose it's better for Dayton to have a new teacher than it is to force last year's teacher to actually care about him or his education.  And now I know what to buy for his school supplies.  Woooo hooooo!!!

I've also seen Dayton mature this summer.  He's made a lot of progress due to my being ill in social skills and using his words rather than his little fists.  He hasn't had any melt downs this past month.  We've had a great time together this summer.  

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to run and hug the porcelain God...  The anti-anxiety medications have not kicked in yet...




Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou