Are You NORMAL Enough?

If there's one thing that grates on my nerves, it's hearing "Oh, he looks so normal!  I see nothing wrong with him...  You're being too hard on him."

And then Dayton does something that hurts someone.  And discipline is expected.  And I don't wanna give it.  And I see other kids not being disciplined for hurting my son.  And I don't like it.  And the other kids annoy the ever living $#@! out of me.  And the kids actually look for things to get Dayton in trouble.

No, I'm not imagining things.  Before Dayton got grounded, his little seven year old buddy came running in tow with another kid whining that "Dayton picked his nose and wiped his finger on his pants."  Seriously?!  Sitting with his mom, I looked him straight in the eye and said:  "Seriously?!  That's what you came to squeal on Dayton for?  Get out of here!"  His mom, my friend, did NOT look impressed.  Oh well.   I'm tired of the chihuahua barking at my heals, telling me every single time Dayton goes pee, wipes his face, or picks his nose.  Enough already.  Maybe I'm getting fed up with kids in general, or maybe it's the stress talking.  I have been going through quite a bit of stress lately, haven't I...

Anyways...  Yes, Dayton looks normal.  He's a beautiful child, with blond hair and light green eyes, almost blue.  Doesn't change the fact he has autism.  That's why it's called a spectrum.  Dayton fits on the higher functioning end of the autism spectrum (diagnosed with PDD-NOS), but less functioning than someone with aspergers syndrome.  He is cognitively delayed, which means it takes Dayton twice as long to learn something, which means he's behind academically, which means he needs more help in communicating, etc...

Maybe I am a little more protective of him than the average mom.  Maybe I am a little more apprehensive of letting him play outside with his friends without me being present.  Maybe I am a little more anal retentive than I should be.  Maybe I intervene too much with his friends in order to prevent a physical fight or melt down for Dayton.

It's even more frustrating when a friend tells me that I'm too involved with Dayton's play with his friends, or that maybe this is just who Dayton is...  it's a personality "thing."

Really?  A personality thing?  Seriously? 

I hate the term 'normal,' but here we go...

Dayton is cognitively delayed, making him academically behind his peers, yet he is normal enough to know it and feel embarrassed enough to have a melt down.

Dayton's communication skills are delayed, and he has a problem expressing his feelings to others, yet he is normal enough to know when his peers are getting annoyed with him, interrupting him constantly so he can't finish telling them what his problem is, which makes him blow up and throw a fit.

Dayton's got swag like his big mamma.  We tend to trip over air, which means he's not very coordinated and he's normal enough to know that the kids are laughing at him.  This makes him not want to participate in playing sports like soccer.

Dayton needs to be explained the rules to a game, or he'll make his own.  If you break the rules, he freaks.  And he's not "normal" enough to understand that people break rules and cheat ALL the time...

Dayton can't handle loud music, it hurts his ears!  He has sensory issues that most of us don't.  What would you do in order to avoid pain?

These are just five examples, there are many more.  But I'm sure you get the idea.

Personality types are completely different from deficits.  Just sayin.  Like my personality...  I'm a giver, a care taker and a fixer.  I have to fix everything and everyone.  If someone's sad, I have to get them to smile.  I'm a people pleaser, and can't stand it when I feel someone doesn't like me.  I mean come on!  I'm awesome, right?!  As a parent, I don't want my boy being looked upon as a trouble maker or a bad kid.  That's my 'personality.'  I know that sometimes I can be overbearing, and that's OK.  I know as I'm doing it that it's something I can continue or should stop and I can.  Dayton on the other hand has no control over his 'personality.'  That's the difference.

Anyways...


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Are You Ready For The New School Year?

Holly cow...  Two more weeks, and the new school year begins...  I'm soooooo not ready!!!  I'm starting to have panic attacks already.  They started off when I went to Walmart and saw the school supply list for grade four at Dayton's school...  There are two teachers teaching grade four, and one of them is Dayton's grade three teacher...  I didn't know which was going to be Dayton's teacher, and so I could not get school supplies as each teacher had her own school supply list!!!  Oh nnnnnoooooooooooo!!!  And so came panic attack number one.  Number two took place when I got an email from the school requesting me to set up an appointment with Dayton's teacher, but which one is his teacher?  Ugh!  Where's my bubble?!  I demand my bubble!  Or at least a paper bag to breath into or puke in. 

Anyways...  I'm not ready.  I'm losing sleep over it, and it's really rather silly.  I mean I've still got two weeks to go, and yes, there will be problems, and I've dealt with them before...  but I don't want to deal with them anymore.  Is that selfish on my part?  I mean, Dayton's my life, the air I breathe, my fruit to my loop and the peanut to my butter.  But I'm tired of dealing with issues at his school.  I really am.

Part of the issue is the school staff not understanding autism and Dayton's needs, and the other part is Dayton  exhibits typical nine year old behavior, but because Dayton has the label of autism (PDD-NOS), ADHD and global delays, I get a phone call every time he's "naughty."  It makes me wonder how often a parent with a neurotypical child gets calls to let them know every time their child gets into a dispute with a peer, or every time they got into an argument, or every time they used an inappropriate word.  I say this because one of Dayton's buddies who attends this same school has no label, but is just as hyper, just as inappropriate and just as loud as Dayton, yet his parents have received one phone call in the last two years.  I've lost track after twenty-five phone calls.  Oh boy...  here comes another panic attack...

But there is a silver lining to my worries.  This year, the school has a new principal, who comes from one of the "cluster" schools in our division that has experience with children on the autism spectrum.  Perhaps he can teach the guidance counselor how to guide?  Maybe he can set a new tone for the school?  Or maybe his predecessor has come to her senses and will come back as Dayton's aid?  I suppose time will tell...

I've called the school, and Dayton has a new teacher this year.  While I have mixed feelings on this "change," I suppose it's better for Dayton to have a new teacher than it is to force last year's teacher to actually care about him or his education.  And now I know what to buy for his school supplies.  Woooo hooooo!!!

I've also seen Dayton mature this summer.  He's made a lot of progress due to my being ill in social skills and using his words rather than his little fists.  He hasn't had any melt downs this past month.  We've had a great time together this summer.  

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to run and hug the porcelain God...  The anti-anxiety medications have not kicked in yet...




Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou