Our IEP (Individual Education Plan) Meeting

It's nice to be able to write this with a smile on my face.  How proud am I?!  Super proud of my boy and his accomplishments this year.  Super proud of all his hard work.  Super grateful to his educational assistant and teacher.

The resource teacher was surprised I had decided to go alone to this IEP meeting.  I've always gone in with an enormous team to back me up, mostly for the school's benefit then my own, so that when parenting questions arose, I could have a CFS worker there telling them that my parenting was just fine, and that they needed to focus on Dayton's schooling instead of my parenting.  Remember in my last post I mentioned that until recently I didn't like hurting people's feelings or being rude or standing up for myself?  Yeah, since that's changed, I'm good to go to school by myself...

It seems the staff received the message from my team last year, as this year's IEP meeting was more than pleasant.  We were all smiling, all proud of Dayton and all talking about Dayton rather than what's happening at home.  What a refreshing change!

I loved sitting beside Dayton's new teacher, a woman I've only met once before.  This woman is an angel in my eyes.  She clearly gets my babe!  I'm just amazed at how this is possible, when he's never had a teacher 'get him' before.  She spoke clearly, and was very knowledgeable of Dayton's strengths and weaknesses and had clear cut ideas on how to reach his IEP goals.  She kept talking about Dayton as though she's spent time with him, something that's never happened before with any other teacher!  Holly cow, this woman spends time with my baby!!!  I couldn't stop staring at her, like she was a new, sparkly, shiny toy...  and I'm sure by the end of the meeting, she must have thought Dayton clearly got his autism from his 'weirdo mother.'  I've never had a teacher speak about Dayton in this way before.  I mean, she 'gets him!'  I'm still a little stunned!

Pretty sure this was the look on my face, it was something like this still when I got home

Sitting across from Dayton's Educational Assistant was fantastic.  Even though I've already told her that I think she's awesome, I still wanted to thank her in front of the principal that she is fantastic and that I'm grateful for all the work she's done with Dayton.

I'm a firm believer that without the right people in place, our kids will learn NOTHING.  I'm certain these two women have had a huge impact on Dayton's education this year, and he's made huge gains this year thanks to the work of these fantastic women.

The guidance counsellor, a woman who's doubted my parenting (my opinion) in the past, was pleasant, respectful and helpful!  She even made time for me after our IEP meeting to show me how she teaches 1st graders reading recovery and spelling.  This was very much appreciated as I'm struggling how to explain to Dayton why there's an 'e' at the end of words that is not pronounced, like 'lake, snake, make,' etc.

I think the thing that struck me the most about our separate meeting was that we were actually able to communicate.  We've never been able to do that civilly in the past.  It always ended up with one of us blowing up or me getting emotional and feeling wounded because of her judgemental comments.  I'm not sure what's happened, if I've changed or if she's changed, but I like it.  I like to be able to talk to her as she is involved in my babe's education, and we need to be able to work together.  I think we finally can.

I've been so jilted by the education system until this year, I'm afraid to let my guard down and simply trust.  Once trust is gone, it is so hard to get back.  Do I dare let my guard down?  Should I inch it down just a smidgen?

Baby steps.  How do you take those again?


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Roses And Thorns

There's a column in a Campbell River local newspaper called Roses and Thorns.  I love the title!  And some of the gripping and loving stories are interesting, but what I found most interesting is that the 'thorns' stories were much, much longer than the 'rose' stories.  This made me think of me...  I hate it when that happens.

Why is it that we seem to do more gripping and complaining than we do telling 'rose' stories?  Possibly human nature, a sort of 'misery loves company kind of thing.'  Maybe we all pretend to be positive, but deep inside we're just negative Nelley's...

When it boils right down to it, my major 'thorn' is ignorance.  And not just ignorance when it comes to autism or ADHD, but any kind of ignorance.  I have no patience for stupid, or unsolicited advice.  All of my 'thorns' stem from people that have an intelligence deficiency, this includes members of my family (remember, I have a small 'blood related' family here in Canada, consisting of my dad, then Dayton and I.  Seeing how I think Dayton is the best thing since sliced bread, it's not him, leaving two of us left.  Another clue - it ain't me.  That leaves one person standing).

Now my 'roses...'
I don't speak of my 'roses' nearly enough as I should.  So I'd like to take this opportunity to do so...

- Dayton's grade four teacher...  Thank God for her.  I love her.  My son loves her, and tells me she 'gets' him.  Grade 4 has become the best year Dayton's had since kindergarten.  No phone calls home to complain about Dayton's behavior.  No 'novellas' like last year.

- Dayton's educational assistant.  Looks like she doesn't put up with his bossiness.  He doesn't control her or have her for lunch, and yet she's so tiny!  I am so grateful to have an educational assistant vs. an 'aid.'  I'm certain that between her and Dayton's teacher's efforts, they've managed to actually have my son learn how to read AND write!  Hooray!!!

- Dayton's guidance counselor.  I know...  Her and I have NEVER gotten along, and I always felt as though she was judging everything about me, right down to my face.  While this year the two of us have had limited contact, the contact we have had has been much more positive then in the past, and she's done a fantastic job researching air travel, preparing an interactive social story for Dayton to be more at ease to fly (remember, he was afraid of going on a plane because it may crash, but thanks to her hard work, he was quite at ease when the time came to travel).

- Dayton's resource teacher...  You know, even though the last two years have felt like I've lived in a literal hell, she was the only person that never had anything negative to say to me about Dayton.  She smiled whenever she saw us, especially at Dayton, and every time she saw me, she made sure to tell me how much she loves my babe.   I wish I knew her better.

- Grandpa Paul and Grandma Kathleen...  I don't even know where to begin with these two...  I love them and respect them as my own parents, calling them mom and dad.  Not only did dad cut short his business trip to come and be with us for grandpa Jerry's funeral, but the two of them sent us money to help us out financially knowing how difficult it was to financially not only make the trip to BC, but how difficult it was going to be for the next couple of weeks getting caught up on bills and meals.  Needless to say, we're not having much of a Christmas this year.  We won't have the cash to buy presents...  But, we will still have each other, and that's what makes Christmas, not the 'gifts.'  We are blessed to have grandpa Paul and grandma Kathleen in our lives, and blessed to be allowed to call them mom and dad, and blessed to have their love.  Dad spent a week consoling us about grandpa Jerry's death, helping with the family as a counselor, and gave grandma Margaret a book his own mother wrote after the death of his father.   And...  he babysat my bio dad...  The biggest Rose in God's creation to my daddy Paul.

- Cousin Evan and his wife Kim.  Whenever we come to Regina, they open their doors to us and give us a place to not only stay, but feel included in their family.  They've just received a blessed addition to their family, little Stensen, a bouncing baby boy, and I'm just absolutely dying to meet this little guy.  My next trip to Regina will be spent mostly with him, as I intend to give the mom and dad a night away from home to do whatever they want.  I can hardly wait!!!  I've seen pictures of little Stensen, and he's a real charmer, just like his daddy.

- My friends S and J who willingly accept Dayton for who he is, and love him as their own.  Their children are Dayton's best friends after school.

- Dayton's grandma Karen.  She just has this knack for knowing exactly what my boy is thinking.  She knows the difference between his autistic moments and his moments of being a little monkey.  She understands how he thinks, and works within his parameters to get the best out of him.  I'm totally missing her as she's not coming back from Colorado, and I don't have it in my heart to break the news to Dayton...

- My CSS worker Diana Sanders...  I no longer live in her catchment area, and haven't for a couple of years, yet she's still here with me, helping me get the diagnosis for Dayton and constantly offering a helping hand.

- My CFSSuderman.  She's given me back my self worth as a parent, and assurance that no matter how many times Dayton's school has called CFS, I AM more than just a good parent, and I love my child, and I will do whatever it takes to get Dayton whatever he needs.  She's been my backbone when I couldn't handle the school's ridicule of my parenting and Dayton's behavior.  Brenda has given me back my self respect, and that is a huge thing.  As a parent, having your child's school call CFS is a huge slap in the face, and it shows just what they think of you.  Brenda was there for me, assuring me that I am not what they've made me out to be, and that I am a fantastic parent. 



Consider yourselves hugged,


Lou

Dayton's Principal Retires

I am so confused.  As much as I've disagreed with most of the Principal's views, she is the only person that Dayton actually respects at his school.  Respect and "like" are two different things, and while Dayton rejoices at the prospect of having this principal retire, I'm not so sure I care for this tid bit of news.

This principal is tough.  She doesn't take Dayton's crap or anyone else's for that matter.  She knows everything that's happening in the school, I swear, this woman is the mother you hear about with eyes in the back of her head.  She sees it and knows it all.  No student is able to get away with anything without her knowing about it.  Sure, she's sliped here and there, but all she has to do is give Dayton "the look."  You know the look.  The one that makes you shake in fear, the one that makes you stop, think, then do what you're told to do. 

Like I've said, her and I don't really see eye to eye on very much, but when it comes to Dayton...  I don't know...  But lately, it seems that out of all the staff, she's the one most interested in learning about autism.  I just think Dayton could learn a lot from her.  I think she's the type of person Dayton needs to have as an aid.

Dayton's had good aids, that are kind, generous and have been able to connect with Dayton on a personal level.  He's had some bad ones too.  But even with the good ones, he seems to control them, rather than the aid controlling him and his behavior.  Perhaps the word control is not a good choice of wording...  But do you know what I mean?  At home, Dayton knows I'm the parent, and he will do as I say.  At school, he seems to be under the impression that he is an 'equal' with the staff, and doesn't seem to view the staff as 'authority figures,' with the exception of his principal that is...

Dayton's resource teacher is wonderful with Dayton, and he seems to work well with her, probably because she takes him out of the classroom to the resource room, where it's just the two of them, knee to knee, working 'together.'  I have never had an issue with the resource teacher, even though Dayton has stolen her pop and her apple...  The little rascal.  I wish I could talk to her more often.

The guidance counselor...  well, let's just say her and I do not get along.  Unfortunately, Dayton knows exactly what Glen and I think of her.  She's one of those hoity toity women who thinks she's above us all.  She's made me so uncomfortable that I have Dayton bussed to and from school.  I don't like meeting her in the school, as she just seems to judge me.  Whenever I see her, I hear all the negative things Dayton is doing.  Rarely ever do I hear a positive remark from her regarding Dayton.  Fortunately, I'm not the only one that's seen her hostility.  The CFS worker advocating for Dayton in the school has met her hostility head on, on numerous occasions, as well as my CSS worker and Dayton's behavior therapist.  The three of us have discussed her hostility, chawking it up as just her 'personality.'  Unfortunately for us, the principal is not taking this woman with her in her retirement. 

So, upon learning of the Principal's retirement, I first congratulated her, and told her how much I respect her.  Again, differing views and respect are two different things...  I then asked her if she would consider coming back as Dayton's aid...  I think she thought I was being sarcastic or perhaps joking, but I'm not.  She has the right personality for the job.  She's strong minded, just like Dayton.  She knows how to get him to cooperate.  Dayton knows that she is in charge, making it less likely for him to disobey or be defiant.  There are times when the principal was actually able to discern the difference in Dayton's autistic behavior and him just being a nine year old boy, trying to push buttons and see how far he can go...  Not always, not the majority of the time, but non the less, she's made some great progress with Dayton, and I fear her retirement will make a huge impact on Dayton's learning.  Maybe, just maybe, she'll get bored and come back...  as Dayton's aid.  Maybe...

In the mean time, I will pray for the new principal to have some knowledge on autism, to train the staff and give them some autism programming. 

Just my crazy thought for the day...


Consider yourselves hugged,


Lou

Accusations And Hate E-mail

Awwwww, shucks.

It appears I've ruffled a few feathers out there.  I seemed to have raised some controversy, and made a couple of people a little "uncomfortable."  Believe me, I don't take this lightly, as I am a people pleaser, constantly bending over to make people comfortable and desperately wanting to be liked by everyone involved in Dayton's care.  So, hearing that there are people out there that don't like what I have to say does hurt, but I have to keep my focus on what's most important at heart.  This really, really sucks!

Being accused of not having respect for people, their positions in organizations, their work, etc. is disturbing to me.  I have a lot of respect for Dayton's teachers, his principal and especially his resource teacher.  Dayton's guidance counselor and I have a major personality clash, but in saying this, I respect her position with the school.  Do I agree with every view these women have?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!  But there is a major difference between 'disagreement' and 'disrespect.'

I have never spit in any one's face, kicked them in their shins, publicly humiliated or threatened them in a personal or professional way.  Dayton does this on his own when he's treated with little respect.  In saying this, I do not appreciate or respect people or organizations that are working for their own gratification, for recognition or helping our children only if it helps their political ambitions.  What do politics have to do with our children's disabilities?  Your own political agendas and your ambition for recognition does nothing for our children, or for me, so please spare me your hate E-mail.  I have bigger and better things to worry about.  When those of you worried about lining your own pockets make our children's education a priority, I will show you respect.  Look at my son's face.  Does this look like you have our children's education and safety in mind? 

This happened during school recess, with a full time aid, two weeks ago.  The school staff told me Dayton "fell off the swing," while Dayton tells me he was "pushed off" the swing.  Somewhere in the middle lies the truth.  Either way, I'm not impressed.  When I picked Dayton up from school, blood was coming out of his mouth and face.  The white of his right eye was an angry red, and I feared for his eye.  Driving like a maniac to the nearest hospital, my son was speechless.  I was told by the nurse that Dayton was in pain and in shock, which is why he wasn't speaking, something common among children on the spectrum.  Dayton didn't speak for two days. 

For those of you thinking I have no respect for you, look at my baby's face one more time.  Ask yourself "if this was my child, what would I think?"  Then put yourself in my shoes.  Do I blame the principal?  No.  Do I blame the resource teacher?  No.  Do I blame the guidance counselor?  No.  Who then do I blame?  The Manitoba government for not educating our educators and aids.  That's who I blame. 

When Dayton is playing in our back yard, I'm right there with him.  When he plays on the play ground, I'm outside on my camping chair with him.  When he goes swimming, I'm in the swimming pool with him.  I don't do this because I can't bear the thought of not seeing him 24/7.  I do this because when Dayton gets an idea, he follows through with that idea, without thought of the danger it poses to him or others.  It's called AUTISM.  I know my son looks good, he gets his good looks from me.  But even though he's the handsomest little man I've met in my life, he has AUTISM.  This means I can not leave him unattended.  He needs care every single second of the day.  Our schools do their best with the funding they receive and within the parameters they've been given, parameters and funding given by the Manitoba government.  So, my problem is with the government, not you personally.  Just because I don't agree with your views of removing God from our classrooms, does not mean I don't respect you.  The minute you're more concerned with your own agenda and acknowledgement than our children's education, is the instant I lose respect for you.

I hope I've made my stand clear.  This is Canada.  We have freedom of speech here, do we not?  You don't like my blog, don't read it.  No one is forcing you to.  Be assured, you will not silence me, no matter how many hate E-mails you send me.  I will continue to fight for our children's education, they are OUR future!



Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou