Feisty And Non Compliant - Can I Get A Behavior Plan Over Here???

Ah yes, t'is the season for IEP meetings.  Quick pop quiz...  What's an IEP meeting?  Come on, you can do it!  That's right, it's the individual education plan meeting.  All parents with special needs children get to have those twice a year.

Did you know there is a sales market geared at IEP's?  I'm serious.  Here's a couple of links for you to check out:
http://www.zazzle.ca/no_crying_in_iep_meetings_aprons-154740917622695277

This one is a little scary, but here you go:  http://www.beautifulmindsinc.com/video-right

http://hooverlaw.com/wordpress/?p=74

http://expertbeacon.com/successful-iep-meeting-requires-effective-parent-participation/#.UpltJMSkpRo

Love this picture I recently found about IEP's

If you've checked these out, you can understand why most parents come to these meetings prepared for battle.  We know what's waiting for us:  a cold, impersonal boardroom kind of place, with the school team on one side of the table, usually consisting of the educational assistant, teacher, principal, guidance counsellor and sometimes, if you're really lucky, the speech and language pathologist, physiotherapist and the special needs coordinator from the school division.  All these people are sitting at a table, together, right across from you and whomever you're lucky enough to have talked into coming to the meeting with you.  If you go alone, you sit alone.  It kind of feels like you're sitting rather than standing in front of a firing squad...   The feeling of judgement day is all around you.  The people across the table from you look down at you.  Uncomfortable?  Nooo...  A root canal is uncomfortable; this is a whole new level of discomfort my friend.  While the whole table agrees that there are delays in speech, language & communication, play and learning, no one seems to know how to help the child mainstream into the classroom in a way where he or she can learn and be a contributing member of the class.  So, since the self proclaimed professionals don't know how to help your child, they assure you that they are doing everything they humanly can and that you, as a parent... well... you  suck.  It is a discipline issue, that needs to be addressed at home, even though the behaviour generally only takes place at school.  So, the professionals now need to draft a behaviour plan, which in a nut shell, tells the parent 1) how to parent and 2) typically says that you will come and pick up your child early from school when there's a meltdown.

In the past, rather than go to these meetings alone, I called my CSS worker to come with me as well as Dayton's behavioural specialist.  Finally, I had asked a CFS worker to come join me in my fight for Dayton's rights at his school, as the three of us alone could not seem to get the school to understand that Dayton had a pervasive developmental disorder, along with ADHD, GDD and ODD, all contributing to how he relates with others, learns and understands the world in general to be.

This year is different.

We're in a new school division, and I am free to name it for you.  Seven Oaks School Division.

I prepared for the IEP meeting dressed to the hilt, red nails and all, ready to fight for my children and their rights.  Dayton's IEP came first.

There was no boardroom.  There was a small desk, three chairs, Dayton's guidance counsellor and his educational assistant, Mike and myself.  Even numbers...

"Dayton's had an amazing start to the new school year.  We're so impressed with how he's adjusted and how he's wanting to learn.  In fact, I've filed the negative notes from his past school in a different filing system, away from others, for my eyes only, as they do not describe the boy we have the pleasure of working with today..." said Dayton's guidance counsellor.  "We're actually shocked at how well he is reading, we weren't expecting him to read..."

Wow...  I sat on my hands, shamefully hiding my red nails.

I got to sit and listen to Dayton's educational assistant tell us how well Dayton works with her, and how yes, he does need constant guidance and supervision, as without her present, he figures he doesn't have to work, but still...  My baby is learning!!!  He's working hard!!!  No meltdowns as the staff nip it in the butt and are proactive!!!  They've gotten to know him and see trouble coming before it happens, stop it, and move on!  I left the meeting SMILING!

Next stop:  Amber's IEP meeting.

Friends, I was stunned.  As I walked into the room, we had a few more people on the other side of the table then we had at Dayton's IEP meeting:  Amber's teacher, her educational assistant, the speech & language pathologist, and someone from the school division.  On the table in front of us, they had Tim Horton's coffee and Timbits waiting for us!!!  Seriously!  No joke, this is a true story!  I've never been served anything during an IEP meeting other than "your son is feisty and non compliant, here's his IEP and behaviour plan, fix him, yourself and his father, you're wrong, we're right, you suck, now get out."  In fact, his old principal three years ago tried to tell me my son was a psychopath, etc...

I was in for another surprise.  The school staff sitting in front of Mike and myself were genuinely concerned about Amber and our took our fears of Amber's regression seriously.  They too noticed that she has been regressing, and had questions for us about how things were going at home, and what they could do to (wait for it, you're not going to believe it because I nearly fell off my chair when I heard them...) HELP!  The women sitting in front of us wanted to know how to help Amber!  They didn't criticize our parenting, they didn't blame us for her disability or accuse us of not disciplining our daughter.  They wanted to support us and praised us for everything we do for our children!

I quietly and as discreetly as I could, began to chip away at my nail polish under the table.

There is a reason the rear view mirror is very small in comparison to the huge windshield in front of me.  Where my children are headed is far more important than what we've left behind.  This school gets it.  And I am humbly grateful.

I left the school smiling so hard, my face hurt.  I've never left an IEP smiling before.  It always ended in tears and self loathing.



Consider yourselves hugged, especially those of you waiting for your turn in the dreaded IEP seat,

Lou

Common Sense So Rare It's A Super Power

Before Dayton's diagnosis of PDD-NOS (a very, very high functioning form of autism), with no IEP (Individual Education Plan) in place, Dayton was failing kindergarten of all grades.  When I asked the school to hold him back and that I believed Dayton should repeat kindergarten as he started it late (in November, due to daycare issues), I was informed that the school division did not believe in failing students, and no, as a parent, I did not have the right to hold my child back a year.  While agreeing with me that Dayton did not meet the educational expectations for the school year, and that he would most likely not be school ready for grade one, the division's policy is not to fail him.  Would Dayton have even understood that he had failed kindergarten unless the teacher pointed this out to him?  Most likely not.  Failing kindergarten made perfect sense to me.  Especially since life got in the way.  My intent was to hold him back till the following year to enroll him in Kindergarten...

My little man didn't meet the educational expectations for grade one either.  Although this year, he did have an IEP in place.  "Can we please hold him back and have him repeat grade one?"  "No, we don't believe in failing students...  Even living in a different school division didn't help solve Dayton's educational needs.  The rules are the rules...  What about education?!  I gave up discussing keeping Dayton back in grade two.  He is now in grade three, and has not mastered the basics of reading, writing and mathematics.  He is coming home very frustrated, telling me his brain hurts.  The teacher does not believe in sending homework home for her students, so I do my best to try making some homework for him.  I purchased a grade one curriculum book from Scholar's choice (Dayton's cognitive skills are of a child half way through grade one), and he looks at me and says "What's the point momma, I'm stupid."  Yes...  social promotion (continually passing him from one grade to the next, whether or not he's met the educational expectations) is definitely helping his self esteem, isn't it?!  It seems to me that Dayton's low self esteem stems from not mastering the basics as the rest of his class has.  Furthermore, perhaps failing a grade would motivate him to work in the classroom setting...  Dayton struggles to do this not only because of his diagnoses of PDD-NOS, ADHD, and global delays, but because his full time aid is not trained to guide him to do his work.  The aid is not in charge of my child, Dayton is in charge of him as well as the class.  The school corrects his behavior by suspending him...  Let's get serious for a moment, shall we?  Suspending a child at 7, 8 and 9 years old is not a consequence to the child.  It is a punishment for the parent.  And yes, Dayton has been suspended since he was 7 years old.  His view of suspension is not "oops, I really messed up, I need to get my act together."  His view is more like "thank God I'm out of here!!!"  Sometimes children need CONSEQUENCES in order to be motivated.  If it is truly embarrassing and a blow to a child's self esteem to fail a grade, then perhaps facing the consequence of failing will motivate children to work.  Worked for me as a kid.  Makes sense to me!

I had a candid discussion with Dayton's principal last Thursday, discussing keeping Dayton back a year and having him repeat grade three next year.  I tried explaining to her that Dayton is fully aware that the rest of the class is far more advanced than Dayton, that it's no wonder that Dayton doesn't want to work in the classroom.  He's totally fine sitting on his own and listening to his teacher talk to the class, but once he's put into a "group discussion" with the other kids, he hides under his desk or misbehaves so he doesn't have to show his "group" that he doesn't understand what he should be doing...  Dayton's behavior is becoming out of control, and then I get the phone call to come pick him up early from school...  Every grade continues on the basics learned from the previous grade, and Dayton has missed so much!  And all this with a "full time aid at his side."  I stated my fears on what will happen when Dayton is older, expected to open a text book to learn about Science or English and expected to produce a report, when he can't read or write. 

The principal told me not to worry, as teachers no longer taught "curriculum" and taught each individual student by their learning capacity and that teaching from a text book is a thing of the past.  No one learns from text books anymore...  ARE YOU SERIOUS?!  Furthermore, the principal insist on passing Dayton to grade four next year, as it is more harmful to his self esteem if he has to repeat a grade than it is not meeting the educational expectations.  My son's self esteem has crashed to zero by knowing he is far behind his peers, and she sees him repeating grade three as being offensive to his self esteem?  What about his education?!  I need him to be able to read a job application and fill it out when he's eighteen...  I know I'm worrying way too much and thinking way too far ahead in the future, but my goodness...  Why is the school system not as concerned as I am about Dayton's progress?  While I realize that his autism provides him with an IEP because of his learning disability, it doesn't mean he shouldn't be taught!

Every school division in Winnipeg has adopted this policy!!!  Words can not describe how insane I think this policy is.  My child needs an education!  Every child out there needs an education!  What about our children's future?  Again, I'm not talking only about children with special needs, I'm talking about our future LITERALLY.  We seem to be a generation away from barbarism.  "Oh, you can't read?  No worries kid, you're gonna pass anyway...  You can't do basic math?  Don't worry about it mom and dad, we won't fail him."  So these kids are going to pass their current grade, but what about the following year where they continue where they've left off in reading and math, building on what they were supposed to have learned the year before?  How do you expect these kids to build on what they haven't mastered?! 

I am not concerned only about my son.  I am also concerned with children who are deemed "normal."  Ugh!  I hate that word:  "normal."  We view schools as the place for children to gain knowledge, skills and values to live their lives effectively as workers and citizens.  While I agree that this is also the parents role in their child's education, the school is ultimately responsible for their education, otherwise, why would we send our kids to school?  Our children, our future, are graduating high school and at least half of them are graduating without meeting the educational expectations!!!  Did you not see them last week at the annual 4/20 marijuana protest rally in front of the legislation building?  My neighbor's daughter was telling me that half of her high school population was there!

My friend's son who is 6 years old and in grade one has no disability label.  Early in the year, at the end of September, my friend was approached by her son's teacher and told her that her little guy needs a "reading recovery program" because he was not reading as well as the rest of the class.  It is now April, and the little guy is STILL ON A WAITING LIST.  Will the school fail him?  Absolutely not.  Whether or not he learns to read is not as important as his "social promotion."  The little guy will be going to grade two next September, whether or not he is able to read, putting him farther and farther behind the rest of his peers, because they don't want to hurt his "self esteem."  Can they honestly not see that his inability to read is hurting his self esteem more?  Can they not see that being able to master the basics of reading will give him the self esteem they are trying to give him in the first place?  No, no...  sending him home with the same book at minimum of twice a week titled "Buttons Buttons" will help his self esteem.  The poor kid has the book memorized, and is not even looking at the pages or the words on the page.  Does this sound like true learning?  No to this little boy's parent it doesn't, and it doesn't to me either.  Even though my friend wrote a note to her son's teacher, asking not to send this book home with him again, they disregarded her note and sent "Buttons Buttons" back home with the little guy the very next day!!!  In what moment of insanity did someone decide that this is acceptable?  Can they not find a book on zippers or something?!  Anything?!  If that's all they have to read, I think we're in some serious trouble...  It just doesn't make sense!

I do have one thing to be grateful for...  My step daughter Charlie-Anne...  she is every teacher's dream student.  She's smart, she's funny, and she CARES about her education.  She is on the honor roll and is not easily distracted by her peers.  She knows her education is important.  Thank God her mother raised her so well! 

Every single school division has different funding for their students.  Even if I move to school division one, my son can not attend their Autism Programs because they are full?!   Marlene Gregory of the Manitoba Education "student services," suggested that I fill out a "school of choice application form" and have it submitted by May 15th, giving me false hope for my son's future education.  More on this topic with my next post titled "Choosing The Right School Division For Your Child With Autism."  I'm hoping to get this post done for you for Monday.  It will explain all six school divisions along with the wild goose chase Marlene Gregory sent me out on.  I'm not a happy girl.

It seems that Winnipeg schools are not the only ones lacking common sense.  All of North America has adopted this same type of educational standards, believing in social promotion verses education.  Numerous books have been published on the subject, and it seems that our generation of educators have not only lost all common sense but completely lost their minds.  While there are teachers that do not agree with passing students who obviously have not met the educational standards, the principals are forced by their school divisions to continue passing students, whether or not they are able to read, write, or master the basics of mathematics.  As a parent, I have a major problem with this.  I rely on the school to teach my child how to read and write, and yet, my son can't do either.  It appears I may have to take Dayton to a Sylvan Learning or a Kumon Learning Centre in order to have Dayton learn how to read and write and learn math.  Where the heck is the common sense in this?  I'd like my tax money back, because this is NOT WORKING FOR ME!!!  And because it's not working, I need my tax money back to be able to enroll Dayton into one of these learning centres, as they're not cheap, and I don't think I should have to pay for the programs since I'm already paying for Dayton to go to school and learn these basics!  It just doesn't make sense to have to pay twice for his education.

There are some good teachers out there, who wish their hands were not tied behind their back.  They too have a problem with passing students for the sake of social promotion.  In saying this, I don't think that a special needs student should necessarily fail every year.  We need to draw the line somewhere.  Let's face it, some on the Autism Spectrum are not going to graduate with a regular grade 12 diploma, but for those that are able, they should be expected to.  You may or may not agree with me, and that's OK.  But being a year behind your peers is not the end of the world.  Some parents with children on the spectrum have held their children back a year before placing them in Kindergarten, which is what my original plan was with Dayton.  But then life happened...  another story for another day.  My point is that parents know their children best, and since the child in question is our flesh and blood, the air we breath, as parents, we have the best intentions for our child and should have a CHOICE in how our child's education continues.  Makes sense to me.  WE SHOULD HAVE A CHOICE!!!  Should we as parents not be able to have the choice of failing our child?!  Does it not make sense to have us involved in our child's education?!

For those thinking I'm on crack for the above opinions, you may want to stop reading this post right now.  It's not going to get much better for you, and I don't really like hate mail...   and as you can see, I'm pretty angry, and just might respond to them...  Not good for any of us.

For those of you that are in agreement with my opinion, I encourage you to check out this book:

As I've mentioned in a previous post, I'm using my medical leave to read, read, and read anything to do with education and autism.  Reading this book, I thought maybe Michael Zwaagstra followed me for the last five years and wrote a book about my fight for Dayton's education.  I have posted a few newspaper articles on Michael Zwaagstra on my facebook page and the Autism Winnipeg facebook page.  Having an exceptionally bad day, I looked the man up, found his phone number and called his home in tears.  His poor wife had to calm me down enough to understand what I was saying in between sobs.  She gave me her husband's email address and assured me that while Mr. Zwaagstra was a busy man, he would return my call as soon as he could.  And he did.  He called me that same night.

We talked for over an hour on the phone.  He patiently listened to Dayton's story of discrimination in the school system, and tried his best to comfort me.  He offered to send me two chapters of the above mentioned book.  I read them.  I bought the book and downloaded it on my ever faithful Kindle.

When I read chapter 3, I needed clarification...  Here's my email to Mr. Zwaagstra:
Hi Michael,

I've just literally finished reading chapter 3 of your book, and need some clarification.  While I understand that children with intent to disrupt the class or show lack of respect to the staff of the school need to be punished, what is your take on children with a neurological  difference?  For example, Dayton's auto pilot word these days is "no."  He could have a huge grin on his face and be laughing, yet when I ask him if he's having fun, he will say "no."  In the school setting, when asked to do work, Dayton says no.  Without asking questions such as "what, where, when, who and how" and remembering not to ask "why," Dayton is not able to articulate "why" he's saying no.  Sometimes I also have to draw pictures for him. 
A clear example of Dayton's misunderstanding was when I got a note from the principal saying that Dayton didn't like this little girl playing with a boy, so he hit her in the head and dragged the boy away from her.  In Dayton's view, the little girl was attacking the little boy and he was trying to help him by dragging him away from her.  He does not remember hitting her and swears if he did, it was by accident.  Naturally, the school staff wasn't able to get a clear picture from Dayton, leaving that work to me, in the mean time the damage was done.  What sort of discipline or action would you recommend in this case?

Mr. Zwaagstra's email response to me:
Hi Lou,

As you noted in your email, chapter 3 is intended primarily at situations where students purposefully break the rules. It is important for rules to be stated clearly ahead of time and consistently enforced as this makes it possible to have an orderly learning environment. It also benefits special needs students for whom order and structure in the school is particularly important.

It's difficult for me to suggest a specific course of action in Dayton's case since I have not met him and did not witness the scene. The first question that comes up for me is where was his EA during this process? This is the type of incident that regular adult supervision is supposed to prevent from happening in the first place.

In this particular case, Dayton would need to be removed from the playground for the rest of this recess since the other boy and girl need to be protected. The supervising teacher and/or principal should speak with Dayton about his behaviour and explain to him that hitting is not acceptable and that even if he thought the boy was attacking the girl, he can best help her by telling a teacher right away.

Again, not having met Dayton personally or witnessed the situation myself, that's about as specific as I can get. The point of chapter 3 is to set out general principles of discipline that apply to intentional acts of disobedience rather than provide a detailed set of guidelines for unique situations.

Hope this helps.

Michael

Yeah it helps!  I have a direct link to the author to explain what I don't understand!  Thank you Mr. Zwaagstra!!!  And you know what?  He never got defensive with me on any of his "opinions."  He patiently, and I mean patiently explained his points and views.  What I would give to have him teach my son!!!


Mr. Zwaagsta is not just an author.  He is a high school teacher, right here in Manitoba.  He educates children with special needs and the typical kids.  His view is very much the same as mine...  There's a problem with today's education system and we need to fix it.  In his book, he talks about school of choice, the Edmonton model which I would give my right arm to have implemented in Manitoba.  This would not only benefit children on the Autism Spectrum, but typical children as well.  Our special needs kids would not be herded into a building as a dumping ground for the inept and hopeless...  They would have educated staff to help them cope with their autism, as each school would "specialize" in something.  One school division, one Super Intendant, and NO DIVISION LINES.  I could put Dayton in school division one, which has autism programs!  Wouldn't that be heaven?!   Maybe we could make Mr. Zwaagstra our Super Intendant!!!  

The first time I called Mr. Zwaagstra, I begged for help.  The man gave me help.  He not only responded to every single email and phone call I made to him, he contacted everyone  he knew who had an understanding of autism to help me.  He forwarded all of their emails to me.  Every single one.  Every contact believed my son could be fully integrated in the public school system with supports in place.  Not one of them suggested Dayton be segregated into a dumping ground for the hopeless..  

Thank you Michael Zwaagstra.  Thank you for your kindness, your concern and your passion for education.  I wish more people took education as seriously as you do.  Your students are truly blessed to have you be an influence in their lives.


Consider yourselves hugged, and thank you for taking the time to read this long winded post.  

Lou 

I Am Ninety-Nine Percent Angel... But, Oh, That One Percent!!!

For once, I was actually looking forward to going to the interview with Dayton's teacher.  I really, really was!  The principal, while calling me with concerns regarding Dayton's behavior, has been assuring me that Dayton has been doing so much better than last year and that he has been working much harder than he has in the past.  Furthermore, Dayton had only had one in school suspension this year, as compared to being suspended and sent home for his suspension once a month like clockwork last year.  So I was expecting things to go well... 

Due to some recent emails flying about as a result of our CFS worker who is advocating on Dayton's behalf in the school system, I felt a little apprehensive about walking into this meeting alone.  (Brenda, our CFS worker is forcing an IEP meeting with the school division's special needs coordinator and all involved in Dayton's education to be present.  This will be the first time ever to have everyone together for Dayton's IEP meeting, which Dayton's school thinks is a waste of time).  So I invited Diana, Dayton's social worker from Children with Special Needs and Disabilities to tag along with us.  Thank God I did.

We get to the meeting on time, however Dayton's teacher is busy with other parents.  No problem.  Dayton is excited to show Diana and I his desk, so the three of us sit down and look through Dayton's portfolio.  With the exception of a few sheets of math work, I see nothing new since our conference in November.  There's a sheet of instructions for us to go to the gym for our child's video portfolio and then to the music class.  The three of us go for our tour.

When we get to the gym, we're told Dayton has not done his video.  Awkward...  We leave the gym and head out to the music class.  The door is locked.  Awkward...  Diana and I just kind of look at each other and tell Dayton to lead us back to his class to see what else we can find, crossing our fingers and hoping his teacher is available to see us now.

Mrs. D is waiting for us at the classroom door, and she's not smiling.  U-oh...  Should have been my first clue to run.  The three of us sit around a little half circle table in tiny little chairs.  I'm secretly wondering if I could quickly grab a second or a third one to make myself a little more comfortable.  The teacher began by asking if I have any questions...  Really?  So I ask why Dayton's portfolio has little more than what I saw in November...  She informs me that Dayton has done little work, preferring to play games and draw guns and play with paper figures.  Whaaaaaaat???

Then she informs me that Dayton is a bully.  Apparently my little man's been bugging one child in particular, on a regular basis, singling him out from the rest of the class.  A little boy, little Johnny, yes the same one with the back pack I talked about in my last post titled "I would if I Could But I Can't.  

Now, I have been aware that there has been a problem with this little boy in the past, as most of the phone calls I've received this year from the principal have been about Dayton and little Johnny.  Dayton has flushed little Johnny's toy down the toilet, Dayton bit little Johnny, Dayton bent four of little Johnny's fingers backwards...  Johnny, Johnny, Johnny...  At home, I do what I call "Drawing Dayton's Story."  I find it works well as Dayton is very visual, something very common with children on the spectrum.  All you need is a piece of paper and pen and be able to draw stick men.  That's about the extent of my artistic ability.  You need to have some background information on the situation, and ask the child questions, limiting the questions to:  who, what, where, when, and last question is how.  Never ask why as they just don't seem to be able to answer this question.  Whenever I ask Dayton "why," I always get an "I don't know."

Anyways, the last incident I had been aware of in terms of Dayton and Johnny, I drew Dayton's story out, then we drew a poster on bullying and wrote the word bully in a circle then drew a red line across it representing "no bullying."  I have the poster on the wall in the hallway across from Dayton's bedroom door, so every morning he sees the poster when he opens his door.  Since then, I had not heard any more bullying incidents.  When I drew out his story, it turns out there are three other children that really dislike little Johnny, and unfortunately, Dayton is wanting these little boys' acceptance.  Again, not an excuse, this is an explanation of what is going on in Dayton's mind.  The difference with typical children is that they will stop, think and evaluate the consequences vs the action and then decide what to do.  Dayton and most children on the spectrum don't have this ability if they have a deficit in impulse control as Dayton does.  So when little Jeff tells Dayton to do something, Dayton does it, because little Jeff is Dayton's friend.  He's not able to discern that little Jeff is taking advantage of Dayton and being entertained not only by little Johnny's misfortune, but also by Dayton's behavior and consequent punishment.

Getting back to Mrs D's concern of Dayton bullying little Johnny, I am dumbfounded.  I ask why I haven't received an email from her with this concern?  She tells me that if she had to email me of all of Dayton's behavioral issues, she would be writing a "Novella!"  "Excuse me?!  Are you suggesting that Dayton's behavior is impairing him from being "included..."
"Oh no, that's not it at all.  Dayton is included in everything unless he chooses not to be."  She completely misunderstood the intent of my comment, and yet she figures she's capable of understanding my child!!!  Grrrrrr...  She continues to tell me how if she was to email me on Dayton's behavior, all she would be doing is typing all day, and that I would feel picked on.  I'm thinking how this would be different from the way she's making me feel right now, but whatever.  She asks that I talk to Dayton about his behavior towards little Johnny.  When I tell her that I  have discussed this issue with Dayton in the past and that there are more children involved and began naming the said children, Mrs. D cuts me off and tells me that we're not going to discuss the other children and for me to discuss this further with Dayton at home.  Well then!  How am I supposed to explain what Dayton is thinking when you won't hear what I have to say?!  Also, I need specific examples of Dayton's behavior which Mrs. D is not able to provide me with, other than Dayton walks up to little Johnny and flicks him in the head...  That's it.  No more information.  What the hell am I supposed to do with that?  Helllllllooooooo???  I can't just discipline Dayton for 3 months of behavior I can not describe to him and educate him how to do things differently!!!

So we go home.  The ride home is very, very silent.  I'm confused.  What happened to all of Dayton's hard work the principal was telling me about?  What the hell?  Were we discussing my son or someone else?  When we get home, I tell Dayton to sit down at the kitchen table and get ready to tell me his story.  I pull out a sheet of paper and pen.  I begin by drawing his classroom, which is a simple big box with the teacher's desk and the door to the classroom.  And I begin the questions to finish the drawing of Dayton's story.

Where is your desk?  Who sits beside you?  Where is your teacher's desk?  Where is little Johnny's desk?  Who sits with little Johnny?  What subject is it?  How are you feeling?  Who are you listening to?  What is he/she telling you?  When do you walk up to Johnny?  Who do you pass by as you walk to him?  What do you do?  How does this make you feel?  How does this make you feel?  What does the class do when this happens?  Who's crying?  Who's happy?  Who's sad?  Who's laughing?  As Dayton answers my questions, I start drawing his answers and always ask:  "Like this?" to make sure I've got it right. 

Dayton's story:  Little Jeff asks him to flick little Johnny in the head every day.  Little Jeff, Pete and Odie don't like little Johnny, and since Dayton practically worships these little boys, his perception is that the whole entire class doesn't like little Johnny.  When Dayton's aid tells Dayton to get ready for the bus at the end of the day, Dayton walks around the aid, walks across the classroom to little Johnny, flicks him in the head, and all the children laugh.  This enforces to Dayton that he is doing the right thing and that the kids like him.  It is important to Dayton that he is liked and accepted, and he wants to be funny.

I do my best to explain to Dayton that there are other ways to be funny and liked.  I convince him that telling jokes is funny.  So off we go and buy some kid joke books.  I find 3 that he says he likes, and buy them.  Now to convince the school to allow Dayton to bring a joke book to school...  Off to "Mission Impossible!"

So again...  The idea of inclusion is a beautiful idea, but in reality, Dayton is experiencing cosmetic inclusion, not genuine, and believe you me, there IS a difference!!!  And why is it that the school only give the cosmetic inclusion to our kids?  Because they don't UNDERSTAND the autism spectrum!  I somehow need to fix this!!!



Consider yourselves hugged!

Lou

CFS, Friend or Foe?

Many of us think of CFS (Child and Family Services) as the devil who comes and takes our children away, but did you know they offer other services?

Turns out they can be used to advocate for your children in their school!  I had no clue!

Do to Dayton's behavior, his current school has called CFS twice in the last year.  It's super embarrassing, and as I cried and threw a temper tantrum only a parent who's been in this horrifying position can appreciate, the worker sitting across from me sympathized with my situation.  Upon hearing what the school had to say, then listen to my incoherent babble and interviewing Dayton, the file was closed immediately.  Before leaving their offices, the worker asked me how she could be of help to Dayton and I, and of course my first answer was to find us a new school, a school that specialized in helping children with autism.  Of course, her answer to me is an all too familiar answer most of us hear when we ask our selves where to find a school that can appreciate our little ones pattern of thought.  "I'm afraid there just isn't any such school in Winnipeg...  But, I do have another idea..."
"I'm all ears!!!"
"How about we find a worker who will advocate for Dayton within the school system?"
"Seriously?!  You do that?"
"Yes."
"Sign me up!!!"
And she did.

In less then two weeks I got a phone call from a worker who was a temp, but offered his services right away.  He came to my home, and I asked Dayton's social worker, Diana from children with special needs and disabilities to come join us for our first appointment.  I mean, CFS was coming to my house, and they're the devil, right?  I needed someone at the door to stop Satan if he tried to take my baby away, and Diana is afraid of no one.  At least I think...

Anyways, the appointment went super well!  A little uncomfortable at first, and I was totally, brutally honest with the guy, I told him it's strange working with someone who could potentially come in my home, not like my smile and take my baby, but he assured me CFS wants to work with families to keep families together.  Another thought he had offered me was that having CFS come to Dayton's IEP meetings at the school shows I have a relationship with CFS and the school can not use CFS as threat when I'm bringing CFS to them!  I liked this guy.

He hooked me up with some counseling, which I thought I didn't really need, but you know what?  I think most of us with kids on the spectrum need someone to talk to, someone who will listen to us without judgement, and someone we can vent at.  We all love our kids, no doubt about that, I would give my life for Dayton's in a blink of an eye, but there are days where my patients runs on empty, and I just need a break from having to explain every single thing...  Just a little, tiny break... 

It was during this counseling that I learned that someone from the school division that has an understanding of autism should be involved in the IEP process, and furthermore, should be included in the IEP meetings!  I've never had anyone from the school division included in the IEP meetings, and the only people present were the principal, school guidance counselor, the resource teacher and then of course Dayton's team:  his behavioral specialist I work with at home and of course Diana, Dayton's social worker from children with special needs and disabilities, and let's not forget me, his mama.  I don't go to a school meeting without these two ladies, as I need their support to make it through a meeting with this school.

One more thing...  they have family support workers!  Depending on your income, they may charge you for this service, but since I'm on sick leave from work, our worker isn't charging us.  The family support worker comes to our home once a week for an hour and a half.  She provides us with information and is a sound board for me.

By having a relationship with CFS, I'm walking away with an advocate for Dayton in the school system, a counselor for myself, a proper IEP meeting where the school is accountable for what happens at school, and a family service worker.  None of these things would have come about without my CFS worker.


Another plus, every email I get from the school and respond to, I forward to Brenda, my CFS worker.  Everything is documented by her, so if there are any issues, she will take care of them.  She's so strong!  And if I have a concern with the school and email then, I make sure they see Brenda's being emailed as well.  I get a response from the school immediately.  Brenda's email address carries a lot of weight behind it. 

Friend or Foe?

For more information on what services they offer, follow this link: /index.html http://www.gov.mb.ca/fs/pwd/index.html.
To contact the Family Support Coordinator, call 204-944-4369.



Consider yourselves hugged!

Lou