Mayday! Mayday! School Spirals Out Of Control!!!

I go a very upsetting phone call the other day from a fellow autism mom regarding how her son has been treated at school.

For the past two days, this autism mom (I call her a warrior because she seems to fight with her school a lot, to the point where they are now engaged in a civil suit) has picked her son up from school filthy.  And I don't mean filthy from the playground's dust, or mud from the melting snow...  I mean from sitting in his own filth...  Her boy, seven, is not potty trained.  The staff's excuse:  "The person who sits K on the potty every two hours has not been able to come to work."

Ummm, exqueeze me?

The acid from his faeces literally burned the boy's skin, and the mom had to take him to a doctor who wrote out a prescription for this poor little boy who is in pain due to his school's neglect of his needs.

The boy is not "qualified" for an aid.

Ummm, exqueeze me?

So...  since her son with autism who is not potty trained and is sensitive to light among other things is not qualified for an aid, his autism mom/warrior went out and got her son a service dog to help her son through the school day.

The school's response:  "NO."  They will not allow the service dog to enter the school.  You would think that they would let this little boy's mom know this as they KNEW she was getting a service dog for her boy, you know, save her some time.  It's called being considerate.  You know, what they try to teach the rest of our kids, to be considerate.  I'm concerned not only about our kiddos' education, but ALL children's education at this school.

This poor mom has addressed her concerns with the principal, the school division, the Chief Superintendent and no one has taken her seriously.  NO ONE.  So she messages me for help.  

I guess we could contact the school trustees and her MLA.  If still no one gives a crap about this poor kid, maybe it's time to organise a protest in front of her son's school with the media?

I really don't like things getting out of control and messy, but I gotta tell ya...  If my son's teacher left my boy with no dignity, let him stench up the classroom while the other kids whispered to each other pointing their finger at my babe while he sat in his own filth to the point of burning his skin requiring a visit to the doctor for a prescription to relieve his pain...  I think I'd end up locked up in jail, or possibly an institution.  There's no way I'd let the teacher or principal get away with treating my son like some animal.  I'd make them sit in Dayton's filth themselves until their skin blistered up, then take them to a vet for a check up.  At least I'd care enough to take them to the animal hospital.  I'm not completely heartless.

Treating children like this is not acceptable.  You don't have to like the parent, or kiss their a$$ in order to teach their child and treat them with dignity and respect as you would the rest of the neurotypical class.  You can not tell me that there's not one freaking person in the entire school who could not have taken this poor child to the washroom to clean up, or at the very least, CALL THE PARENT TO COME AND PICK HIM UP!!!  What the hell is wrong with people?!  Do schools really have no COMMON SENSE?!

Well, Mr. Greg Selinger, your royal highness...  you sure care about our kids, don't 'cha?!  Yeah, you're a true prince.  This is happening in your own back yard, and you do...  that's right NOTHING.


I'm so angry, I'm putting myself in a white jacket with long sleeves for a hug,

Lou

10 Reasons Not To Pi$$ Off An Autism Mamma Or Dedicated Daddy

I'm really tired of unsolicited advice from strangers, friends and family who think they could do better raising my child, aren't you?  Why can't they just mind their own beeswax and run along?  Sometimes their hearts are in the right place, but most of the time it's just showing off what they "know" about parenting, and trying to feel good about themselves while belittling us as parents.  My personal favourite is the time where my babe was having a stimming meltdown in the middle of the mall, and a man in his 40's walked up to me and asked me if I could "control my child."
"My 'child' has autism, what's your excuse?"

10.)  We are trained in verbal warfare.  We received our training first from the family members we no longer speak to (no need to get into whether or not they're still with us, you just need to know we've won), passed friends (no, this is not a spelling mistake, take it any way you like) then our children's daycares, then their schools.  After all that, our kids come home from school and teach us a few more words your neurotypical kids taught them...

9.)  We're on the alert for any moving target.  We're constantly evaluating and re-evaluating our surroundings, watching for you!  We're ready for you and your assaults, and we've heard them all before.  You don't honestly think you're going to be the first one to tell us there's something wrong with our kids do you?  No shit Sherlock!  Believe it or not, I thinks so too!  So does his school, his paediatrician, his speech pathologist, his child psychologist and family doctor!  Mind yer own beeswax laddy!  Get yer panties out of their bunch and move along!  'Cuz if you don't, I may 'ave to lay da smack down on your rootie poo candie a$$.

8.)  We are exhausted.  I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap as a child!  We've endured countless sleepless nights due to stress, depression and a kid who just won't go to sleep no matter how many Melatonin you give him.  How is this your problem?  Well, statistics show that lack of sleep can cause seizures, hallucinations, psychosis, etc... and if this is the case, no court of law will imprison us for whacking you aside the head for your stupidity.  Automatic temporary insanity.  Booyah!

7.)  We are fast.  I'm not kidding.  As I sat on my patio in the summer, I saw this kid running around outside with no clothes on and thought to myself "who's kid is that?"  Then it dawned on me...  THAT'S MY KID!  I learnt that day that I can run across our back yard, tackle the little monkey in five seconds flat, and dress the squirmy commando kiddo in two.  If I can tackle my super fast boy, trust me, I can get you too.

6.)   We are tenacious.  Popeye described YOU best:  "I've had all I can stands, I can't stands no more."  WE, on the other hand, don't have a choice.  We keep going and going and going and going like the Energizer Bunny.  Giving up is NOT an option.  So you see, we can out run you, out talk you, and beat you, to the very end.

5.)  Sarcasm and wit are our personal defence systems (well, definitely mine anyway) against drama, ignorance, whining and stupidity and we're (again, at least I'm ) not sorry for it.  "I've had all I can stands, I can't stands no more" applies to US in this circumstance.  You will most likely be told off in a way no man's been told off before...  You will learn new phrases you wish you hadn't.  Trust me, it's not gonna be pretty.

4.)  We're not like "normal" people.  Whatever that is...  We used to be.  I used to cry when people, including Dayton's school staff hurt my feelings or made me feel like a bad parent.  Not anymore.  Now I just get mad and don't care who I offend.  I remember when I wore nice clothes, you know, dress pants, dress shirt, leather this and that, pretty frilly things, jewellery, make up, nails...  I used to go out with my friends and barely stayed home.  Now I live in my yoga pants and tee shirts, no joke.  I wear yoga pants ALL THE TIME.  I don't think I even own a pair of jeans anymore...  Oh, wait... yes I do...  the dryer shrunk them...  And my friends?  Yeah, I left those behind as well as family members who had a "problem" with my son.  If you come over unannounced, there will be toys from one end of the house to the other, dishes in the sink, sticky table and counters, and laundry to be done.  Seems some people have a problem with that.  I used to be like that too, so I forgive you.  But if I have to chose between you and my son, or house work and my son, my son wins hands down.  So does his floor time play, which we do from 4pm to 6pm, have supper do homework and go to bed.  So you see, my time is limited.

3.)  We are strong.  I bet you've never seen a small guy have a fit of rage and know he could take you.  My lil'man was three years old, just had his adenoids removed and tubes placed in his ears.  I was told to enjoy my "quiet weekend."  When we got home, he got a little crazy, so I told him to go to his room.  Within three minutes, he tore his bedroom closet doors down...  big, huge heavy doors that took me half an hour to drag from his room to the basement laundry room.  But I did it, all by myself.  On the second thought, maybe I should let him take you on!

2.)  In case you haven't figured it out by this point of my post, we're already mad!  I mean mad cow mad.  Super rage about to burst from the seams kind of mad.  We're mad at God (yes, I know, how dare I?  What kind of a Christian am I?  Ummmm.... an honest one?!) for ripping us off, for not giving us a choice in what and how much we can handle.  We're mad at Him for giving our child autism.  We're mad at the doctors that didn't diagnose our kids early enough so we could get the help that they desperately need, because here in Winnipeg, there's so much bloody red tape to get through, I don't think even our beloved Premier Greg Selinger knows how to get through it, he certainly doesn't seem to know how to answer his phone.  I wonder if he can tie his own shoes?  We're mad at the educational system failing our kids, letting them fall through the cracks...  Do you really want to be the one who makes me go postal?  "Do you feel lucky punk?"

1.)  Let's just say that I (I mean we) are amazing and just leave it that.

Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Has Special Needs Inclusion Gone Too Far?

To integrate or not to integrate...  A question rarely posed to a parent of a child with special needs.  I certainly don't have an option, thanks to our fantastic government.  You would think that as a parent with a child on the autism spectrum, I should have a choice at least in the matter, but no.  No body gives a crap about what a parent NEEDS for their child.

I'm not sitting here talking about what I WANT for my son.  I'm talking about what I NEED for my baby, actually, what Dayton NEEDS for himself, not what I need or want.

I am very fortunate that Dayton has a teacher this year that 'gets' him.  But it wasn't always so...  And all it takes is one bad teacher for the house of cards to fall...  I've had two years of literal hell, feeling as though I was going to lose my mind, powerless to help my son in school, powerless to help the teacher or his educational assistant.  Feelings of absolute rage when the school principal decided to call the police on my then seven year old, fifty pound boy, the guidance counsellor calling CFS twice, and the shame and ridicule that I felt came along with those decisions.  I know I'm not alone in this.  I've met with other parents of children on the autism spectrum who have been mortified and gone through the very same issues as myself.

Is it really fair of the government to expect the school to know how to integrate our kids with special needs?  I'm not just talking autism here, but any disability.  I don't mean to sound rude or disrespectful, but I think there is a different expectation in regards to integrating a child not able to walk compared to a child with a cognitive disability.

Is it fair to expect all teachers be able to teach braille to a blind child?  What about sign language to a child that can not speak?  Do all teachers posses these skills?

How about cerebral palsy, spina bifida, epilepsy, down syndrome, mental retardation, ADD, ADHD, speech and language impairments, traumatic brain injury, pervasive developmental disorder, autistic disorder, learning disabilities, etc...  Are teachers supposed to know about every single disorder?  Are educational assistants?  Are principals, guidance counsellors or resource teachers?  Who exactly in our schools is supposed to know every single childhood disability in order to teach the rest of the school when it comes time to integrate a student with an individual disability?

Trust me, segregation is far from what I WANT for my child, but I do want the best education I can get my hands on for him, which begins with a knowledgeable teacher.  This is not meant to insult any of the teachers out there, please understand this.  I mean no disrespect.  Society NEEDS my child to become a contributing member of society, not a burden.  I have very high hopes that my son will be contributing to his generation.  But there are others out there who may not be so fortunate to have a positive outlook on their child's future.

Does a fifteen year old girl with the cognitive skills of first grader truly belong in a grade ten classroom?  Is it really fair to this girl to have to sit through seven hours of social studies, math, English, and metal work when she can not read or write?  Who's interest are we really focusing on here, the student's human rights or her parents' warm fuzzy feelings of having their daughter in class with her peers?  Does society really think this girl is happy with her social promotion?  And how about the teacher?  Do we really expect her or him not to lose their "cool?"  In a class of thirty students, chances are this teacher is already making twenty different class lesson plans...  As a former instructor myself, just having to create and re-create the one lesson plan was like getting a freaking root canal.  I can't imagine having to do twenty...

My son Dayton is in grade four.  He is finally beginning to learn how to read and write.  I wanted him to repeat grade three last year, but the principal refused, probably because she really had no choice, did she?  As much as parents get upset with their school teachers, principals and school divisions, at the core of this problem lies the government.  They make the law, and they're the ones that are not giving the teacher, principal, school division or the parent for that matter, the choice to do what is best for our children.  In the mean time, the government hides behind the schools.  As a parent, I don't get to talk to our premier Greg Selinger, do I?  Noooooo...  I get to throw my temper tantrums at the school staff and school division, right?  They're the only ones I get to speak to.  Trust me, I know first hand.

Me, freaking out on speaker phone with the Premier's office for transferring me yet again to Manitoba Education who is absolutely useless...  Take charge Mr. Premier!  Answer your phone!

It all boils down to social promotion...  It does not seem to matter to our government that our kids are not learning.  All that matters is that no child is left behind.  You know, that warm, fuzzy, lovin' feeling.  All the funding in the world is not going to help our kids if the government doesn't put some help in place for our educators to have at their finger tips, does it?  It's like going out and buying a low fat cookbook, but unless I use it, I won't be losing weight, will I?  That reminds me...  Gotta go through the cookbook and make out some menu plans and go grocery shopping...  When is government going to wake up and smell the coffee here?  I'm all for inclusion, but lets be realistic here with what we're dealing with people, shall we?

Social promotion.  Education.  Society NEEDS education.  The days of do your work, learn in class, do your homework and pass your tests are gone.  In place we have social promotion, to spare our children's feelings? I'll tell you what will raise our kid's self esteem...  EDUCATION.  My son is proud of himself for passing his spelling test today.  He got six out of six words right.  Yeah, that's right.  My baby rocked his spelling test.  But last year...  last year my boy had low self esteem, fits of rage where he questioned me why bother going to school, he was too stupid anyway (his words, not mine).  Last year's teacher wasn't the calibre of teacher Dayton has today.  Perhaps I'm a little too harsh, I wasn't really there to observe.  But I can tell you that this year, Dayton understands his teacher.  Last year he didn't.  Could last year's teacher been overwhelmed with too many lesson plans to keep up with, and this year's teacher doesn't have nearly as many lesson plans to create?  Is this year's teacher's assistant more on the ball, more experienced with autism?  Or has Dayton somehow found that magical button of compliance?  There are so many things that could be different, or a combination of things that just fit into that mysterious, multi-coloured  puzzle.

Our kids may have challenges, they may have a disability, but they're far from stupid.  They know when they're truly included in their education and when they're being patronized or simply tolerated.  So perhaps it's a combination of blame, the government and the teacher.  I think mostly the government though.  I like to blame it all on 'the man.'


Consider yourselves hugged,


Lou

What The Hell?! Is This Resource Teacher For Real?!

If I have an obsession, it's definitely facebook.  I love it, crave it, want it all the time.  It's the reason I carried my blackberry around everywhere I went in the summer time (normally before that, it was because Dayton's school could call at any time and I'd have to go get him).  Now that the school situation has calmed down (Thank God!!!), I continue to carry it around for texting and facebook.  OK, so I have two obsessions.  Anyways...  the point of this post is not about my obsessions, but another mother's venting on facebook last night...  Man!  I can so totally relate as I've had to deal with this kind of crap for two years before this year.  Again, it's hard to believe I'm dealing with the same school this year.  I don't know what's changed, but I am so grateful for the fantastic start to the new year.  I only hope it continues...

If Dayton's school staff is reading this, keep in mind that I love you this year, and I don't want to damage our relationship...   Autism Diva Help is not about YOU, it's about all parents with children on the autism spectrum in Winnipeg, and the crap we have to put up with because of our wonderful government.  By the way, thanks Premier Greg Selinger.  You're such a freaking gem.  Thanks for your non existent support.  We so totally appreciate it.  Thanks for continually passing my emails and phone calls to someone else so you don't have to deal with our kids. 

Naturally, the little girl's name is changed to "your daughter" to protect her privacy.  Other than that, I've copied and pasted the message word for word.  I thank this wonderful autism mom for allowing me to blog about her facebook post: 

my fb msg to resource last night
******, the agenda book has come home maybe 4 times, notes like "bring a hard thing" today she informs me her diorama is due tomorrow- what diorama?!?!?!? ok, so I've got her older sister out looking for ecosystem stuff, she can get a box from the garage (that I didn't let my husband throw away this weekend) and we can put something together quickly this evening...  I cannot keep doing this, I don't know what time she's supposed to be there on shops day, I don't have any idea what her homework is, she's being stalked by **** at ****, **** has issues with her shoes, and tries to trip her on a regular basis, **** is what she is...especially in the gym change room., which we talked about. please stop the freaking madness.

response- Your daughter has been working with the EA's on the research and written component of her ecosystem. Her diorama is not due until Monday. Tomorrow, she will work with the EAs on the diorama itself - we thought this would be easier than having her try and explain the details, assemble the materials and work on it at home. She is not presenting until Monday. If there are "touch ups" that need to be done, we'll send it home with instructions. If not, we'll just be sending home her practice notes for the presentation. We did not put this is in as homework as we thought it made more sense to do it at school.
Kids need to be at shops for 8:45am.
I know nothing about **** - I know he was supposed to be going to ****, but never had this confirmed.
If *** is tripping your daughter, I'll address it. If **** is still ruling the gym room, I know nothing about it and yes we did address it but something has apparently broken in the plans.
I tried talking with your daughter yesterday? - but she was so excited about going to the doctor's, she couldn't connect with me.
I talked with the teacher this week and asked how your daughter was doing and she said all was well.
I will address the madness and touch base with you tomorrow.
if your daughter ever comes home and says something, about which you know nothing, is due tomorrow, exhale , have a glass or red wine (good for the soul and the blood)and say "How lovely!"
I'll try and touch base with you tomorrow.

my response-
a glass of wine while my daughter melts down...sort of like fiddling while Rome burns .. nice thought though

my girl did the diorama (we didn't know she had til Monday until10pm) insisted on doing her presentation today, would have gone on for hours, was very enthusiastic and detailed - while I'm at my therapist discussing ptsd and the stress that comes along with my beautiful autistic daughter....need wine now!! TGIF!!!!!

· · · 17 hours ago

Naturally, I had a response which I will share with you in a moment.  I've linked my name to my facebook page, so feel free to add me as a facebook friend.  Before I share my facebook response, I would like to add my thoughts on this...

What the hell?!  Seriously?!  These people are teaching our kids!!!  And this is how they send a message to a parent?  I especially like the wine comment.  Very professional!  And what the heck do you mean "If this is really happening?"  Are you calling the parent a liar?!  Seriously?!  Really?!  Yeah, us parents, we like to imagine our children being bullied, 'cuz that's just how we roll.  We enjoy emotional pain.  We also enjoy putting our kids through two projects:  one at home and one at school, because we love putting our kids through double the misery.  Yeah, that's right.  We love tormenting our kids.  Thanks for the 'communication.'

I remember Dayton's last year's teacher leaving a similar comment in Dayton's agenda...  It had to do with a self watering project.  Holly crap.  Really?  I'm supposed to help Dayton with a self watering project with no instructions as to how to accomplish this?  If I knew how to make this happen, my plants would not have died!  I'm not kidding when I say I have a black thumb.  Even my freaking cactus bit the dust.  Literally.  And who's homework is this anyway?  Mine or Dayton's?  I honestly thought the school was trying to send me to the freaking loony bin.  I went as far as to go on facebook to beg people for help.  Not one of my 558 facebook friends knew how to make a self watering system for plants.  Anyone who offered help sent me internet links they found trying to help me out. 

Another good note in Dayton's agenda last year was to memorize a poem.  Also, a grading system was included:  does the student make eye contact?  Does he/she speak in monotone?  Does he/she know all their lines in the poem?  Does he/she interact with the rest of the class as they recite the poem?  How difficult the poem is...  

No list of poems to try to memorize, no authors of poems to check out.  Are you wanting freaking Shakespear here or is Mother Goose enough?!  Define appropriate difficulty woman!!!  What d'ya mean eye contact?  Ummmm, he has autism!  He doesn't like to make eye contact!!!  Monotone?  Have you not met my child?  Again, he has autism!  Interact with the children?  AUTISM!!!  For the love of everything holly!!!  Work with me woman!!!  

Fortunately, it all worked out, too long to write about the whole entire ordeal, but Dayton did all right.  "Whew."  He ended up doing jokes AND a poem, again doing double the work because last year's teacher had no communication skills what so ever, and claimed that she didn't have enough time, and I quote "to write a novella" to tell me about all of Dayton's negative behavior.  Yes, her and I were tight friends! 

All right.  Here's my response to the facebook post. 

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    Ljubica Lovrin
    

    OMG!!! Can I copy and paste this on my blog with of course my opinion, which in a nut shell is WTF? This is exactly the kind of crap I've dealt with for the past 2 years... Lack of communication, and the famous "if this is happening, then we will address it."
    I'm freaking telling you IT IS happening, so freaking deal with it, cuz you don't want me comin down there and layin the smack down on the kid's rootie poo candy ass byatch!
    As for the wine... Right, if the school thought I even sniffed at a wine cork, they'd be calling CFS in a blink of an eye.
    
    Call the school division's special needs coordinator and demand a meeting to discuss the lack of communication between home and school. Unacceptable!

    
    

    16 hours ago via · · 1 person
    
    
    
    
    Consider yourselves hugged,
    
    Lou