Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

I have the most wonderful children.  No, I didn't give birth to all of them, but they are mine in every way that matters.  I don't have step kids (Ashley, Katie, Amber, Athena and John), I don't walk on them, and my biological son Dayton whom I did give birth to (well, had a C-section) does not have half sisters (Charlie-Anne and Summer); they're not cut in half.  We're a couple of families blended together into one.  So, introducing to you, a small sample of how my children think:

"Mom, I know Santa doesn't exist."
"Say what?!  Yes he does!"
"Mom, come on.  I know Santa doesn't exist, I heard it at school.  I'm fine with it."
"Keep your voice down, the kids will hear you!"
Whispers:  "Mom, I know Santa's not real."
"Well then where do the presents come from buddy?  You think they just magically appear?  Who else but Santa would bring them?"
"Mom come on!  I know you and dad buy them.  I kind of busted you last year."
"Oh..."
"What I really want to know is who eats the cookies?"
"Ugh...  I eat the cookies, it's me, I love cookies."
"And the milk?  Who drinks the milk?"
"Dad, you know how much he loves his milk."
"OK, that makes sense."

"You can't be a woman, you're a mom!!!"


"I don't want to go in, just leave me in the car."  (It's like -30 with the wind chill.)
"I don't think so kiddo."
"Why?"
"Well, for one, I love you.  And two, it's illegal."
Whispers to me:  "I won't tell anyone."


"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail."


Older kid:  "I bet you're 40!"
Younger kid:  "No, he's 80!"
Older kid:  "85!!!"
Younger kid:  "I'm guessing 100."
Older kid:  "No, he'd be dead then.  100 is when you die, he's still alive."


"If Jesus walked on water, could he do a head stand?"


Sitting in the front seat beside me driving home from a visit with a friend, getting car sick.  I'm singing along with the music trying to get his mind off it.
"Mom, you know I love you, right?"
"Aww, thanks babe!  I love you too!"
"Please stop singing."
"Why?"
"You're making me sicker."
So much for that idea...


"I need super glue and a non stick frying pan."
"Why?"
"I wanna know which ones a liar."
"Say what?!"
"Don't you wanna know which one is telling the truth?  Super glue is supposed to stick to everything, and non stick pans are supposed to not stick.  You said you hate liars.  Let's find out which one we hate."


At a restaurant...  the waitress taking our order...
"I wish to eat the unborn."
Absolute silence...
"Eggs, the boy wants to eat eggs..."


Again, at a restaurant...
"I want meat on a stick."
"Say what???"
"Meat on a stick with sticky sauce."
"On a stick?  I don't understand."  Meltdown in 10, 9, 8
"Lots of sticks side by side, meat in between..."
"Honey, I don't understand..."
7, 6, 5
"With the sticky brown sauce!!!"
People are looking now...
Drum roll please...  "RIBS!  YOU WANT RIBS!!!"
6, 7, 8...  Smile.  Thank you Lord!


"Momma, you're skinny."
I'm huge...  "Well, thanks babe."
"Yeah, you just have a lot of skin."
And just like that my happy moment is gone.


"I don't need a bath, can't you just Febreeze me?"



We've learned a couple of things along the way this year:

1)  Never say "maybe" to our children.  The word "maybe" to them means:  "I swear on my life this will most definitely, certainly and beyond a shadow of a doubt happen."

2) Arguing with teenagers is like wrestling with a pig in the mud.  Sooner or later you figure out (in my case through my child's counselor) that they're really enjoying it.

3) We appear to have several invisible kids living in our house.  They are named "It wasn't me," "I don't know," "I'm bored," and "Why me?"

4) I can always count on my daughters to walk up to me for no reason to give me a hug and say "I love you mommy" or my sons to jump on me when I least expect it, wrap their arms and legs around me like spider monkeys and kiss my face all over, telling me they love me 'like crazy.'

5) God may not have answered our prayers the way we wanted Him to, but when we've stepped back to look at the whole picture, we see He's answered them in the way it's best for us.  Kind of like we do with our children...  In other words, God equals daddy to us.

6) There is a special bond between mothers and sons which can never be destroyed.  I've questioned this bond much in the last year between Dayton and myself, and I see now that no matter what happens, or who he's with, no one can destroy what we have, and I am grateful.

7) My new favorite word is "Really?!"  It works for almost everything.  I'll give you a brief example...  I have a rule for my sons:  No play fighting, as John is so small and Dayton is stronger than he realizes.  When I catch them play fighting, I loudly say "Really?!"  They boys back off into separate corners of the room.

8) Courage isn't the lack of fear.  Courage is the willingness to move forward even if you are scared.  My sons show me this every day.  My daughters are a bit more squeamish, but they show me they have courage as well.  I'm very proud of them!

9) You know you're in trouble when your teenager comes to you and says "You know I love you, right?"  A conversation starting with that sentence means nothing but trouble, especially when said teenager has autism.

10) Raising little boys is not just a job.  It's an adventure; with sound effects.

Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Mayday! Mayday! School Spirals Out Of Control!!! Part Deux!

I posted a link to my last post called Mayday!  Mayday!  School Spirals Out Of Control on my facebook page, and got a quite a few responses I'd like to share with you, beginning with the mother's response:

  I'm not private Lou :) I am so tired of keeping all this inside and not telling anyone what is happening to my boy!!! Kyle was denied funding this year and so now he has no help in school. He HAS made some HUGE progress over the past year but he is still moderatly functioning Autism with Global developmental and adaptive delays, ADHD, anxiety disorder, seizure disorder and probably the first kid in canada to be diagnosed with Wandering. Because the school wouldn't provide the amount of help that Kyle needs, I got him an Autism service dog who is also trained for seizure detection. I got an email from the principal back in November telling me that I was not premited to be wandering the halls with my dog and that she was no longer allowed into the school. I responded immediatly with telling her that Bella is a service dog and provided her with a copy of her certifacation papers and telling her that she is violating Kyle's human rights by not allowing her in the school. This was on a friday, I then got an email from the special childrens services co-ordinator on Saturday morning at 6:50 am telling me the same thing as the principal. She harrassed me ALL weekend long so I did contact a human rights lawyer that Saturday morning but didn't tell her that I had been communicating with him about everything the whole time until she got really nasty and mean. We had everything arranged for Monday morning and the lawyer sent them a fax first thing in the morning. I am sueing the principal, the interlake school division and the board of education for denying Bella access to the school. BUT, They are now saying that Bella can come in, but they need a note from his Dr. stating that Bella is a part of his therapy. BUT, before The Dr will write the note, he has to talk to the school. BUT the school will not talk to him!!! See how this is working?!?! They try to stop EVERYTHING I am trying to do to help my boy. They deny funding so I take things into my own hands to help him by getting the service dog and then the deny the dog!!! And with this toileting issue..I can only imagine how many time's this has really happened cause I can only mention the time's that I know of because I have seen it with my own eyes!! ALL of last year, Kyle had an EA with him 100% of the time because he was only partly verbal (one word at a time) BUT now that his service dog has helped him to talk and lower his anxiety, the school doesn't think that he needs any help anymore..And toileting is only one of the issues..there are many issues I have with this school!!!!!


AND you wanna know their #1 reason for denying him funding...its because he doesn't have major behaviour problems!!! When he gets overwhelmed at school, he shuts down instead of melting down. So, If I could get him to melt down instead of hiding in a corne or under a table with his hands over his ears and his eyes closed then he would prob get the funding!!

More responses from others that do not know the mom:

didn't think that anyone can turn someone away that has a service dog, and not allow that dog in a school she should look into that more, she should also look at switching schools.

 omg. Thank heavens are kids are not treated like this

 I will help any way I can. This is not acceptable, there is no reasoning for a child to be sitting in school like this and the fact they are making excuses rather then making sure this NEVER happens again is wrong. I am absolutely floored that he cannot bring his service dog to school, and outraged that this child cannot get the funding he NEEDS.

For those of you interested in hearing the mom's own version, please click on the link below:  http://autism-with-servicedog.blogspot.com/2012/01/neglect-that-kyle-faces-at-school.html?showComment=1327941788518#c4172711645175261058

Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Mayday! Mayday! School Spirals Out Of Control!!!

I go a very upsetting phone call the other day from a fellow autism mom regarding how her son has been treated at school.

For the past two days, this autism mom (I call her a warrior because she seems to fight with her school a lot, to the point where they are now engaged in a civil suit) has picked her son up from school filthy.  And I don't mean filthy from the playground's dust, or mud from the melting snow...  I mean from sitting in his own filth...  Her boy, seven, is not potty trained.  The staff's excuse:  "The person who sits K on the potty every two hours has not been able to come to work."

Ummm, exqueeze me?

The acid from his faeces literally burned the boy's skin, and the mom had to take him to a doctor who wrote out a prescription for this poor little boy who is in pain due to his school's neglect of his needs.

The boy is not "qualified" for an aid.

Ummm, exqueeze me?

So...  since her son with autism who is not potty trained and is sensitive to light among other things is not qualified for an aid, his autism mom/warrior went out and got her son a service dog to help her son through the school day.

The school's response:  "NO."  They will not allow the service dog to enter the school.  You would think that they would let this little boy's mom know this as they KNEW she was getting a service dog for her boy, you know, save her some time.  It's called being considerate.  You know, what they try to teach the rest of our kids, to be considerate.  I'm concerned not only about our kiddos' education, but ALL children's education at this school.

This poor mom has addressed her concerns with the principal, the school division, the Chief Superintendent and no one has taken her seriously.  NO ONE.  So she messages me for help.  

I guess we could contact the school trustees and her MLA.  If still no one gives a crap about this poor kid, maybe it's time to organise a protest in front of her son's school with the media?

I really don't like things getting out of control and messy, but I gotta tell ya...  If my son's teacher left my boy with no dignity, let him stench up the classroom while the other kids whispered to each other pointing their finger at my babe while he sat in his own filth to the point of burning his skin requiring a visit to the doctor for a prescription to relieve his pain...  I think I'd end up locked up in jail, or possibly an institution.  There's no way I'd let the teacher or principal get away with treating my son like some animal.  I'd make them sit in Dayton's filth themselves until their skin blistered up, then take them to a vet for a check up.  At least I'd care enough to take them to the animal hospital.  I'm not completely heartless.

Treating children like this is not acceptable.  You don't have to like the parent, or kiss their a$$ in order to teach their child and treat them with dignity and respect as you would the rest of the neurotypical class.  You can not tell me that there's not one freaking person in the entire school who could not have taken this poor child to the washroom to clean up, or at the very least, CALL THE PARENT TO COME AND PICK HIM UP!!!  What the hell is wrong with people?!  Do schools really have no COMMON SENSE?!

Well, Mr. Greg Selinger, your royal highness...  you sure care about our kids, don't 'cha?!  Yeah, you're a true prince.  This is happening in your own back yard, and you do...  that's right NOTHING.


I'm so angry, I'm putting myself in a white jacket with long sleeves for a hug,

Lou

An Autism Mom's Milestone: My First MASE Meeting

After months of contemplating and wishing I could go, I finally did it.  I went to a MASE meeting.  MASE (Moms of autism supporting eachother) is a small group of women who I thought had one thing in common:  autism.

I almost bailed out as I am sick AGAIN...  yes I know, Lou, get a flu shot already.  But then Super Dad made me feel bad about not coming, and another autism mom told me I should still come, so I pulled on my big girl panties and headed out the door.

Turns out the table of fourteen people (two men were allowed to "infiltrate" the group this one time only; Super Dad and another Super Dad), had much more in common than autism.  We also seemed to share the same side effects of autism I thought I was alone in...  Wow...

I thought I was the only "autism" mom who endured my child's school staff calling CFS, the only autism mom who's child's principal called the police due to her child's choice of words or behaviour and the only autism mom who has been judged on her 'parenting skills' by school staff...  Let me rephrase that:  I felt judged by the school staff.  Calling CFS to me seems like a judgement call...

I thought I was the only autism mom who sees the grocery store Nazis shaking their heads in disapproval when they see my boy sitting in the shopping cart, my boy who is almost ten and to tall to be sitting in a cart and still leave me room for groceries.  I thought I was the only sniper!

I thought I was the only bad, bad autism mom who's been kicked out of McDonalds, the only bad, bad, very bad autism mom who's child got kicked out of daycare!

I'm not alone.  Some moms told me stories much worse than mine, and they looked "normal."  I didn't see the third eye I have growing out of my own forehead.  You know the one people see growing out of yours when you try to explain your child's behavior?  Yeah, that one!

These women looked real.  They looked like anyone else.  They didn't have a sign on their forehead with a bulls eye showing "autism mom."  Very bad, bad, bad, bad, bad mom...

It was like walking into an AA meeting and seeing if you could pick out the alcoholic.  No one looked the part.  Oh my goodness...

Four out of the fourteen are Educational Assistants.  Wow.  I want to be just like them!

I found people just like me.  Women that have had their hearts ripped apart by judgement calls made by people who just don't understand...  People that should understand but don't.  Who's fault is it?  The question seemed to resonate through the table when the group was splitting up to go home.  Three of us remained talking...  Is it the teachers fault?  The principals?  The resource teachers?  The guidance counsellors?  Ahhhh...  no, no...   More on my thoughts on this on my next post, I promise.  The point of this post is:  WE'RE NOT ALONE!


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Autism Moms Have Stress Similar To Combat Soldiers

When I read this article, I honestly wasn't all that surprised...  http://www.disabilityscoop.com/2009/11/10/autism-moms-stress/6121/

First of all, let's face it.  Those of us with kids with any kinds of special needs, especially the type that alters behavior such as ADHD, we just don't get to rest-period.  We're on alert 24/7, with no escape.  Even during work, we're attached to our cell phones, and I've even heard of parents having pagers especially in case their child's school calls to come and collect their babes.  Personally, I've experienced the side effects of this stress and ended up taking a medical leave in February due to to the stress of continually having Dayton's school call nearly on a daily basis.  Thank goodness this is not the case this year...  so far.  I keep waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop...  I pray again that I haven't jinxed myself in this post, but it seems Dayton's teacher 'gets him', and so does his educational assistant.

I remember a time where I had an alarms system installed not to keep intruders out of my home, but to alert me when my babe tried to escape in the middle of the night.  Why he would try to escape me makes no sense...  I mean, I'm a gorgeous babe I tell you!  And I'm a super cool mom, always hugging and squeezing and kissing my baby right in front of his buddies.  'Cuz I'm cool like that and that's how I roll!

I did find it interesting that the article is titled "Autism Mom's" and there is no mention of "fathers."  I have met (via facebook and Autism Diva Help) two fathers who are very much involved with their children.  One of them is actually a single parent, who also is taking care of his two nieces!  God bless him, as two of the children are...  wait for it...  drum roll please...  TODDLERS!!!  It takes a very, very special man to undertake such a responsibility.  How many fathers are single parents, never mind taking care of their nieces on top of it, with two girl on the autism spectrum?  I can hardly wait to meet this dad in person!  He makes me ashamed for whining of my problems with one child...  Forget Superman or Batman...  This dad is my new favorite hero. 

"researchers say that parents need better respite options and flexibility from their employers..."  Yes, wouldn't that be nice.  Unfortunately, I don't see employers bending over backwards to make accommodations for parents with special needs kids.  They have a business to run, and time is money.  Missed time at work equates to loss of revenue not only to the parent, but to the employer as well.  And as far as respite goes...  I've been on a waiting list for two years now.  If I can't find a respite worker of my own, I go without a break, and so does Dayton.  Lets not kid ourselves...  the kid desperately needs a break from me.  As "cool" of a mom as I am, it appears that my little man thinks I'm "embarrassing."  Like when I expect a hug and a kiss before he boards the bus to go to school, dressed in my jammies and house coat, with my hair in curlers...  Then running after the bus screaming "mamma loves you baby!!!" and all this is on a good day!  I'm not going to describe myself on bad days like the past few weeks where I was sick with the flu...  It's just not pretty.  The run behind the bus resembles more of a zombie dragging its sorry carcass...  You know things are bad when your nine year old demands you "put your face on" before picking him up from the bus when he gets home from school...  

I wonder if this is what Charlie-Anne (my step daughter) referrs to as me being "over protective..."  Meh.


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou