Thursday, 13 October 2011

Morning Drill By Sargent Underpants

It's one of those mornings where I have unrealistic expectations of my morning coffee, again...  I AM SO TIRED!!!  I'm stressed, I'm still sicker than a dog with this terrible cold (almost three weeks of coughing is enough to drive any woman insane), doing my best to help out my friend struggling with addiction, and worried about Dayton's grandpa Jerry and praying to God we make it home in time to say good bye, while still praying for a miracle.  It seems my life has become much more busier than it had while teaching at the college...  How does that happen?

Crawling out of bed on four hours of sleep because I've been up till 2:30 in the morning due to my ever persistent cough, I stumbled into the kitchen to make a coffee while thinking up of an excellent TV commercial for Tim Hortons:  A man drives through the drive through and makes three large grunts.  A happy, chirpy voice comes through the intercom:  "Yes, sir, an extra large double double coming right up!"  Ummmmmmmm...  What I'd do for a Timmy's coffee right about now!!!

I somehow make it to my Tassimo machine with eyes closed shut, still sleeping yet awake just barely enough to find a vanilla bean coffee diskette...  Ummmmmm coffee...  The aroma of vanilla bean brewing makes my mouth water...  and then:  "Mamma!  Breakfast!"  Just like that, my morning romance is over.

Sleeping in is not an option in my house.  Dayton gets up at 7 am, rain or shine, snow blizzard or hail, school day or not.  His internal clock has no "off switch."   I'm thinking the least he could do is wake up with a smile on his face and cuddle up to me, but nooooo...  He's even grumpier than I am in the mornings.  Maybe my vision of the Tim Horton's commercial is actually a preview of Dayton as an adult!  I'm tempted to get him a double double right now!

Our mornings have evolved somewhat since toddler hood, however things are still in a rigid, self imposed schedule for Dayton on weekday mornings.  For some reason he has a whole other schedule for the weekends.  Mind you, so do I.  I cover his window with a black blanket on the weekends, praying for an extra hour of sleep...  I'm gonna have to pray harder.  When we're out visiting someone over night, he's totally awesome, and when we go camping, he actually sleeps in!  Why are weekdays so horrible for us (me)?!

So, our weekday morning schedule (I say our, because I am very much involved, whether or not I'm awake, sick or stressed) always begins with "Mamma, breakfast." 
"Excuse me?  Aren't we forgetting something?"
"Please."  You'd think he'd just say it, it's the same freaking argument every morning.  I bring his royal highness his cereal and his medication. 
"Fairly Odd Parents mamma."  He grabs the remote and switches the TV channel to YTV.  I'm so sick of YTV, and if it wasn't for my coffee, I'm sure I'd have thrown the TV out the window by now.

7:30 comes around, Fairly Odd Parents is finally over, and I tell Dayton it's time for a shower. 
"OK mamma, but when I'm done, if I'm still hungry, can I have some more cereal?"  I don't understand why he asks this question, as we never end up having enough time, and he never asks for more cereal when he's done his shower. 
"Yeah babe."
"Tell me when I've been in the shower for one minute."  I don't think I'll ever understand this request either.  What difference does it make?  I'm tired, let's just get this done and over with...  ugh!  But as always, I'm too afraid to rock the boat, so I give him my usual response:  "Yes babe."

"Dayton, you've been in there one minute!"
"In about eight to nine minutes he comes out, dries off and runs into the living room naked, looking for the clothes I always have to get ready for him while he's in the shower.  He gets dressed, then he watches the end of SpongeBob SquarePants, another cartoon I'd rather not have seen...  Then it's time to go out and wait for the school bus.

"Dayton, get your shoes/boots on."
"Awwwww...."  (I'm not kidding, EVERY MORNING!!!)
"Dayton, you put your shoes on the wrong feet!  Fix it please."  (I'm not kidding, EVERY MORNING!!!)
"Awwww."  Seriously, every morning.  Why are we not learning from these incidents?!  How I wish I could just tell him to 'get ready for school,' but he wouldn't know where to start.  I have to give him one instruction at a time...
"OK buddy, time to get your jacket on."
"Awwwww...."  No joke.
"Put your back pack on babe.  Let's roll."
"Awwwww..."  Argh.

"Mamma, let's play red light, green light."  How I hate this game.  He doesn't play fair.  I always lose and spill my coffee on myself.  I do my best not to wear white shirts in the mornings.

And then I see the bus.  Wooooohooooooo!!!
"Bye babe, mamma loves you!"
"Awwwww..."  I'm gonna take that as I love you too mom. 

Consider yourselves hugged,


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