Tuesday 18 October 2011

Anxiety Strikes Big Mamma

The closer we get to Thursday, the harder I chew on my gel nails.  They're really starting to hurt, I need to go get them babies fixed or yanked off...  I'm dreading this trip, feeling completely helpless and praying we see Dayton's grandpa in time.  Please Lord, hear my prayer!  We've been told to pack our funeral clothes...

It's so hard not to be selfish at a time like this.  I just want more time, you know?  The man's always been good to me, even when I knew he was seriously frustrated with me, especially when we played cards.  He always wanted me as a partner, but Lord knows it had nothing to do with my poker face.  I think he just enjoyed to see me squirm under his scrutiny.  "Lou, you have a partner you know!  Think about what I may have in my hand."  My all time favorite:  "Can you not count to fifteen girl?"  Ahhh yes...  He knew how to make a girl come close to tears.  But underneath that tough exterior, I know that he'd give me the shirt off his back.  There is a sensitive side to Jerry too.  I know he loves us, never had a doubt.  It breaks my heart to think I may not see him alive again.  It breaks my heart to see him alive and in pain.  I'm a mess...

Dayton on the other hand is doing just fine.  Looking at him, you'd never know our family was going through tough times.  This would be autism's blessing.  His biggest concern is getting on that plane, and being bored because he doesn't know anyone there and his friends can't come with us.  Neither can the cat, or his playstation.  "What am I going to do forever?!"  Little drama king...

Dayton's school has been super supportive.  The guidance counselor sent home a couple of books on flying, and an interactive social story for Dayton to present to the class when we get back home.

Dayton's teacher sent us a huge package today, filled with books for Dayton to read, sight word cards for Dayton and I to go over, and lots of writing material to help Dayton learn how to write.  She then called me after school to let me know she doesn't expect us to do all of the work (thank goodness!  I just saw the package!), to do as much or as little as we can, and that we were in her thoughts during this tough time.

I finally got to see the doctor this morning, and guess what?  Good news and bad.  I'm not contagious, so I can visit with Jerry.  Bad news is I have bronchitis and a sinus infection.  Awesome...  Thursday is going to be a super long day...


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

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