Friday, 16 December 2011

My Baby's Heart Aches!

It was a loooooong and rough night last night.  I've been up all night, with Dayton crying because he couldn't sleep, begging me to turn his brain off...

My poor babe is devastated that his beloved educational assistant is leaving.  Today is her last day, and I thought I could ease the ache and prepare him for the "goodbyes" by bringing him a gift to give to this wonderful lady...  While it was a nice gesture, and he was super excited to hand the gift to her, it did little to ease his pain once we got home.

At first I thought he was just trying to get out of bed time, you know, the usual stuff that goes on at bed time.  Actually, thinking about it now and replaying it over and over and over again in my mind, it's almost become a bed time routine.

"Dayton, bed time."
"I know, I know babe.  Time to turn off the TV."  (I tell him this about twenty minutes prior to his actual bed time because I know we are going to squabble for about twenty minutes before he finally gives in.)
"Just five more minutes mamma, plllllllleeeeeeeeeease!!!"
"OK babe, five minutes, and then promise you will turn off the TV."
"OK mamma..."

"Dayton, time to turn off the TV.  Time to get out of your clothes and go to bed.  Where's Jack?  (His cat he can not sleep without.  Before Jack came into our lives, I had super big hair dues to Dayton's playing with it until he fell asleep, kind of like a bird's nest, resembling Albert Einstein's hair...  So yes, our cat must earn his keep...  Don't go calling PETA now folks.  Relax.  Jack is pampered silly during the day, and I now have hair to die for).

"But mamma, I'm hungry."
"OK, let's get you a yogurt or would you like an apple and cheese?"
"Yogurt please, and tea."
Grrrr...  the tea.  I hate making tea.  "OK buddy, go brush your teeth and get ready, I'll get your snack and tea."

"OK Dayton, time for bed.  Let's get your home reading out."
"There is no home reading."
"Really?  You've forgotten it again?!"
"No, there's just no home reading."
"Babe, you haven't had home reading all week, this is strange as you always have home reading."
"Well, maybe not anymore since Mrs. H. is leaving."
"Dayton, you either start bringing home books for home reading, or I promise you, I will make you read one of my books on Pharmacology buddy...  And you remember how hard those words are and how they make no sense and how bored you got, right?"
Head hangs down:  "Yes mamma."

Off to bed he went.  Or so I had thought.

About twenty minutes later he comes to see me in the living room, tears rolling down a very, very red and scrunched up face...

"Mamma, I can't sleep!!!"
"Oh sweetie, what happened buddy?  What's the matter?"
"I don't want Mrs. H. to go."
"Baby, I'm so sorry, but your Principal assured me that your new assistant is someone you've met before, someone you liked.  I'm sure things will be fine" I say, as I'm biting hard on my lower lip...  While you may not care for my words THIS REALLY SUCKS.  And it really makes me not like men very much at all.  Not that I'm saying all men are bad...  easy now fellas, but to be honest, there are only a handful of men in my life that I think do whatever it takes for their kids.  And while I don't know our beloved assistant's ex husband, I'd really like to kick his a$$.  Because it's all his fault.  Can't go into details, but trust me, I know it's his fault.  I'm being unreasonable and very selfish, but you don't understand...

My son did NO work for two years.  My son did not participate with the rest of his peers with anything for two years.  My son was constantly suspended for two years.  I left my job because I got sick from the stress of it all, and finally pulled Dayton out of school early last year, because the staff had nothing under control, and believed Dayton to be a behavioural problem and that he had no 'discipline.'  The word autism didn't seem to fit in with their line of thinking.

Now we have this wonderful, beautiful human being come into our lives, who loves Dayton and Dayton knows she cares about him, which has prompted him to be more compliant.  He knows this woman has faith in him and that he is capable and she encourages him every single day.  Dayton trust her completely.  He loves her.  For Dayton to say that he "loves" someone, he really, truly means it, and you should take it as a huge complement if he offers you his heart, because this is very, very rare.  I have heard Dayton say that he likes people, but never once has he used the word "love" for any of his assistants, EVER.

I wish I could name this wonderful woman, so that where ever she ends up next, knows that they don't just have an "aid."  This woman is a "professional educational assistant."  She is what every parent hopes the school finds for their child, and the woman needs a raise.

"Babe, would it make it easier for you to sleep in my bed tonight?
"Yes mamma, I need your hugs."
"I need your's too babe, I need them lots, OK?"
I finally got Dayton to sleep at around 11pm, his "normal" bed time routine starts at 7:30pm.  He kept waking up all through the night, crying and begging me to turn his brain off.

"Please mamma, shut my feeling button off.  I don't want to feel so bad."

I want to turn my feeling button off too.  I really, really do :(

I'm having a bad hair day today, bird's nest back and the vultures were circling me again this morning...

Who ever gets this blessed woman, I want you to know that she is absolutely amazing.  And if I can figure out a way to get her back (like breaking her ex husband's legs or something), I will do it.

If my son LOVES her, she'll be worth the jail time... LOL

Consider yourselves hugged, while I crawl back into bed.  Two hours of sleep just does not cut it with me.  I need my beauty sleep folks.

Consider yourself hugged, as Dad Paul says to me every time I speak with him.  And I do feel his hug.  I hope you feel mine.


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