Friday, 15 July 2011

If Pain Is Weakness Leaving The Body, I'd Be Iron Man's Little Sister Right Now!

This kidney stone of mine and I are becoming major enemies.  I hate the darn thing so much, and it appears it hates me right back.  Looking back now, I've had the symptoms for quite a few months, but I figured I had a severe case of back pain, took some Advil and an ice pack and was fine.  When the Advil wasn't good enough, I switched to Alieve.  Once the bugger kicked my butt, I'd take a Robax Platinum, figuring go big or go home.  Ice packs didn't work well anymore, and then I got diagnosed with the kidney stone.  I've been feeling most horrible since the end of May, stuck with my nemesis the kidney stone, and it appears the little devil seems hellbent on breaking my spirit this week... so I did the only thing I could do...  Walking into the emergency room in horrific pain didn't amount to much.  Waiting in the waiting room for what seemed like FOREVER, I got admitted and was asked to put on a gown, but I was not allowed to wear my underpants.  You know the gown I'm talking about right...  Yes, the one that stays open in the back...  Not to mention where they put me...  right in front of the doors in the hallway, in full view of everyone in the waiting room who was waiting to be admitted.  While I may have been praying for death, I still had some dignity left, and besides it was cold there.  I put on my pants.  While I may be as red necked as they come, I don't advertise what ain't fer sale t'no one.  Besides, this was a family hospital, right?  Jeeeez.

I told the doc about my pain, and that I had a child with autism, sitting with a bald babysitter, which is a horrible thing, cuz my baby needs my hair to play with to go to sleep, and the skin head left with my baby just ain't gonna work well for him.  "Ya need to fix me now doc!!!"  And fix me he done...  mmmmmmmmmmm...  I love IV medication.  It works so well.  I ended up with morphine, which I now have learned does not leave you stoned at all, providing you are in the throws of extreme pain.  When the nurse came to check on me, she decided it wasn't working fast enough, and gave me a drug called Buscopan in my IV.  Now that stuff works!  I love it, I've found my new best friend.  I wanted to hug it and squeeze it and love it and rename it, give it a good many name, like Bruno.  I mean, who messes with Bruno?  That's how much I loved the Buscopan.

My urine showed and I quote "puss."  I'm thinking wow, really, that's awesome, so on top of this freak show of a kidney stone (5.7ml is a HUGE kidney stone, one that I have no hope in hell passing on my own), the little devil figured I should suffer more pain, so hey, "let's give her a kidney infection!!!"  I want this stone DEAD.  It's war now, and I won't take it as a hostage, I'm gonna smash it into fine dust once I get my hands on it. 

The nurse that came to get me to deliver me to x-ray was awesome...  He was told my babe has autism, and came to get me right away.  He was gentle and kind, telling me about his co-worker who's brother has autism.  Then he asked me what I thought of the government of Manitoba giving $5, 000, 000 to schools for children with autism...  "Seriously...  You don't want to know Shaun."
"Yes, yes I do."
"Well Shaun, I'll believe it when I see it.  The government's been promising a lot of things, like for one, better health care, and yet here I am closing in on two months of pure hell, carrying this kidney stone.  I'm not scheduled to see a urologist until September the 1st.  What no one here seems to understand is that my babe doesn't care if I'm feeling sad, happy or in this immediate case SICK and in PAIN or that in my anguish I've lost my mind and about to do what the voices are telling me to: dress like a giant chicken and run down the road screaming 'the wheels on the bus go round and round all through the town.' Dayton's needs to do not take a break , so neither can I.  I just don't have time to get sick and I'm tired of being sick and tired all the time."
"But what about the problems your lil'guy has with school?  Are you happy with his education?"
"Dear Shaun...  Please don't think I'm an evil person, but when I'm scared, I become a little nasty.  Not nasty like 'eeewwwww, what is that thing in the fridge growing green and fuzzy, and oh my God, it moved, quick shut the door, but nasty like a cornered, rabid, ferocious dog.  And that's kind of how I feel about my son's education...  the suspensions for things out of his control (all right, he's a boy, I'm sure some were deserved), the fact that he's going into grade 4 and can't read or write bothers me to the point where I feel like I've just been wedgied.  The way the school staff don't seem to understand autism and figure he's not autistic, but he's a bad kid, so bad in fact, his last teacher made an official 5 page school division report, documenting she feels her life is in danger BY MY SON WHO WEIGHS 60 LBS.  I don't want to keep you here all night with me, I mean you're cute and all, but I'm just in too much pain, and there's just so much..."

So, while I may not have gotten much further ahead with destroying the little devil of a kidney stone, I have walked away with some great drugs and even met an angel at the emergency of Grace Hospital.  Again, I firmly believe that God puts special people in our lives, like Shaun the angel.  He put Shaun in my path, and thank goodness I spoke to him.

Some more good news!  I went to see my regular doctor's office (and yes of course my doctor is away on holidays), and met one of the other doctors at the clinic, who picked up the phone and called the urologist who book me for September 1st to see if he could get me in any time sooner.  It appears when you want a doctor to take you seriously and believe you're in pain, instead of asking for narcotics, just tell them what I did:  "Seriously?!  I'm telling you, I'm in so much pain, I'm ready to throw myself at oncoming traffic to break this kidney stone!!!  Help me!!!"  (Sometimes even I'M afraid of the things my mind comes up with)  No luck convincing the receptionist to reschedule his holidays or his golf games.  The good doctor hooked me up with some really great pain relievers!  Feeling bad for me, he then called another clinic, and guess what?  I go to see him this coming Monday!!!  I have no guarantee he'll be able to zap the little devil, because he needs to have me take yet another x-ray to see where exactly the stone is, then give me options, and time permitting sedate me to zap it.  If he can't do it on Monday, I'm sure he'll find another day to have me come in and get even with this nemesis.  This means...  I'M GOING CAMPING NEXT LONG WEEKEND!!!   WOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!

Booooo hoooooooo...  I'm terrified of peeing the little devil out.  It appears that even though I'm in imense pain, I've seen no pain yet as far as I've been explained what to expect when I actually pee this stone out...  I have no choice but to go with the insanity, and have "I want my mommy" kind of days, week or maybe a couple of weeks...  I suppose to appreciate the light you must first pass through darkness...  boooooo!!!

Consider yourselves hugged, and pray that I survive the pain!!!  Or even better, that I feel no pain, because they're gonna zap this stone into dust!  Yeah!!!


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