Train up a child in a way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Ouch. I read this over and over and over again, asking God "How?" Yes, I speak to God, on a daily basis. Don't worry, it's a one way conversation, so drop the phone, no need to call 911 or CFS.
As a loving mother, I know my son needs guidance, and he depends on me to teach him right from wrong. I work hard at molding him into a good man, and want him to be a happy, productive and a contributing member of society. I think all parents want the same for their children, but now we throw autism into the mix... How do we do this with autism? There are certain things I fear Dayton won't experience, such as graduating from high school, college or university, dating, marriage, children, friends, family...
Train up a child in a way he should go. Not how I want him to go, but in a way he should go... If Dayton chose not to marry and have children of his own, and yet was happy, would that hurt me or him? If Dayton wasn't able to graduate with a regular grade 12 diploma, but was able to apprentice in a trade and complete the apprenticeship, get his "red seal," be able to work anywhere he desired, and was happy, would it really be the end of the world?
As parents, we have a preconceived notion of what our child's path in life should be. We plan their lives out for them, thinking of things that make US happy, believing it will make our child happy too.
I remember talking about trusting God's plans with a very dear friend of mine, whom I respect as my own mother, and her husband as my own father. Kathleen had tried to assure me that there are things I simply need to trust the Lord with, things that are out of my control. One of them being Dayton and his future. We had this conversation about five years ago, and I think mom was trying to explain to me that my plan may not be God's plan for Dayton. Maybe God has a bigger and better plan for Dayton and myself. In order for God's plan to reveal itself, I need to let go of my own selfish desires for Dayton, and have faith in God... It's either God has a divine purpose for my babe and I, or the pain medication is messing with me... I'd like to believe the first.
I truly believe God places people in our lives for a reason. It is His plan for us to have met the people we have in our lives. God uses us in His plans. He is using Dayton in His plan, and me too. Now, the control freak show that I am, if I could just let go of the control and leave our future in God's hands... I think I'm going to have to call mom...
As Kathleen's husband, dad says: Consider yourselves hugged,