Ten Commandments For Interacting With Kids On The Autism Spectrum

Read this this morning on facebook, and had to share it with y'all:

Ten Commandments For Interacting With Kids On The Autism Spectrum, by Stop Romanticizing Autism:

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR INTERACTING WITH KIDS ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM

1. Thou shall not yell when speaking to me.
My Autism does not impair my hearing and I am extremely bright. Perhaps even brighter than you are.

2. Thou shall not ignore me, talk negatively about me, speak unnaturally slow, or ask questions to others in the room that pertain to me.
I can comprehend what you are saying just fine.

3. Thou shall believe in me and help me believe in my skills and self worth.
Note the good in me and do not merely point out my negative behaviors. Believe in me and I will believe in myself.

4. Thou shall not perceive me as dumb.
I am extremely intelligent. I do not learn in the same way as you, and maybe not as quickly as you expect me to. Have patience with me. Once I recall information, I never forget.

5. Thou shall not judge my behavior.
I can get overstimulated in certain environments. I may be hypersensitive to sound and loud noises may hurt my ears. Fluorescent lights are distracting for me. They have a humming noise, and can pulsate. All the noises in a room can blur together. Please make accommodations to help me.

6. Thou shall not be so quick to scold me.
Do not tell me that “I know what I did”. I do not. Tell me what my infraction was in a simple, concise manner. I want to please you, but I have difficulties inferring meaning within a vague statement. For instance, do not say please clean up your bedroom. Tell me exactly what you want, such as ‘Please make your bed and pick up your toys”.

7. Thou shall not compare me to others.
Please remind me, and note the talents that I possess. This increases my confidence and positive self worth. Learning disabled or not, we ALL have talents to contribute within society. I need you to help me realize what mine is. Believe in me and I will believe in myself.

8. Thou shall not exclude me from activities.
Please do not mimic me, ignore me, or bully me. Please invite me to play with you. It hurts my feelings when I am excluded. I like to run and jump in the playground, and be invited to birthday parties too. Grown ups can help me make friends by encouraging other children to play with me. I can be a loyal friend if you get to know me.

9. Thou shall give me choices.
I do not like being ordered about any more than the other children. Give me choices so I know you value my capabilities and opinions. Make them simple and concise. Present two options or so. I get confused when too many questions or directions are given at one time due to my processing speed. For instance, ask me if I would like to wear my blue sweater or green one, rather than asking which sweater I would like to wear.

10. Thou shall not judge me by my diagnosis, but by my character.
I am an individual, just like other children.




My question is, reading through this, how often do you as a parent of a child or children with autism catch yourself thinking "oh crap, I do that and that and that..."  I think I will make a more conscious effort in thinking before reacting with the kids.  Maybe I should have this printed in poster form and put it up on a wall to remind myself on a daily basis...


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

My Specialty Is Sarcasm, But I Can Be Just Plain Mean

I think we all know just how passionate I am about autism awareness.  I don't share my life with the entire world to see for the fun of it.  I do it to show people that people with autism are not stupid, dumb, defiant or violent without cause...  People with autism think differently and view life in a different way than us boring, neurotypical, fake, selfish and egotistical folk who will do whatever it takes to be accepted among our peers to the point of changing who we truly are and lying to others to be envied and looked up to.  Us 'normal' people just don't know when to quit when competing with the Joneses, do we?

I think my biggest pet peeve with people is that they like to offer unsolicited parenting advice to parents who are raising children on the autism spectrum.   And to those people I would just like to say "Maybe you should concentrate on cleaning up the mess you made raising your own kids before you start playing Supernanny to ours."

A fellow Winnipeg autism mother went shopping at The Real Canadian Super Store with her son who has autism.  This child's autism is much more intense then my kids, and when you watch him, it is clear that he is a child with a disability.  While shopping, the poor boy had a wee bit of an episode as he suffers from extreme anxiety and was most likely over stimulated... and a manager came to my friend and asked "Is there a problem here?" and kind of put my friend in an awkward position...  There's more to the story, but the part that is upsetting the most is that when she went on The Real Canadian Superstore facebook page to let the store know what happened and her offense at how the situation was handled by the store manager, a supposed 'normal' employee or past employee (if his facebook account is accurate), had two comments to say, and I literally copied and pasted these comments:

1)

Steven Brazeau commented on Real Canadian Superstore's Wall post. Steven wrote: "Autism isn't a real disease, what is it about today's parents that lead them to label their kids with a disease if they aren't the coolest kid in school. Just because your kid isn't popular socially doesn't give you the excuse to label them with autism."

2)

Steven Brazeau commented on Real Canadian Superstore's Wall post. Steven wrote: "Do you think you're special or something? Just because. Your kid has autism you think you're entitled to ruin my experience shopping by letting him have a temper tantrum? Take that outside and let him throw a hissy fit. I should complain to superstore about letting kids having open temper tantrums ruining everyones experience."

Wow!
I'm speechless...  And that doesn't happen very often.
My roommate had to take my laptop away for a while.  She did her best to edit my original post on this, and then called in reinforcements.

First of all, if this Steven Brazeau is or has been employed by the Real Canadian Superstore, I think they have a major HR problem.

Second...  people!!!  Understand that just because you delete your comment on facebook, doesn't mean it wasn't seen on facebook by others, and furthermore...  SOME OF US HAVE COMMENTS FORWARDED TO OUR EMAILS!!!  Even if you delete your comment, guess what?  It's too late!  The comment has already been emailed to the poster's email address!

Autism is not a disease.  It's not something you catch from someone.

Children and adults diagnosed with autism are not diagnosed by their parents, there are actual psychiatrists that have a university degree that give them the 'right' to do that.

An excuse to call my children autistic?  Seriously?  I'd much rather call my children the next Einstein!  Autism is not a country club us parents want to belong to!

As a mother of a child with autism, I can honestly tell you my children's popularity in school is the least of my concerns.  Our kids couldn't care less if they're considered cool or not, that is kind of the beauty of autism.  They couldn't care less about Mr. and Mrs. Jones and what they have.  

And for the record, autism is not a disgrace, ignorance is.  I am proud of all my kids.  It is society that calls my children autistic, God calls them PERFECT.  So for those that have a problem with people on the autism spectrum going shopping for their groceries, a necessity for survival, well...  take it outside and have your own little hissy fit.  Let the rest of us go in the grocery store, do our necessary shopping and get out.


As always, consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Warning: I Take The Term 'Bite Me' More Literally Than You Meant It!

Ah yes, the literal thinker.  So many arguments I've had with Dayton, then realized mid way through that we were having two different arguments - LITERALLY.  I can't even begin to tell you the arguments Dayton has had at school with his educators, and upon having Dayton tell me his side of the story, then listening to the school's side of the story, it turns out that they too have had two different arguments.  Unfortunately for Dayton, those misunderstandings ended up becoming physical for him because of his sense of being misunderstood, bullied and not given a chance to explain his side, and therefore completely frustrated.  The only left for him to communicate in order to get anyone's attention was to use his body like a weapon.

Taking wording literally is quite common in children and adults on the autism spectrum.  Forget having autism, think of your own autistic moments...  I remember my past employer at a local college telling me:  "Lou, we're going to move pharmacy again," meaning changing the program, and of course as I was the expert in the field, he wanted my help.  Instead my response was:  "But we haven't even found a suitable spot in the building to move the program this time, and now you're saying you're going to be moving my class again?  What about the lab, the sinks, the hoods..." and then I realized what he had meant by his comment, and felt like a total moron.  Great.  His look of disapproval did not help my downward spiraling confidence as an expert at all.  Ugh!!!

Now think how difficult this is for our kiddos on the autism spectrum.  To have to live with this every day, risk being ridiculed or looking dumb.  I suppose it is easier to just not participate in school activities or become the class clown.  Or do both like my babe does.  Sure, it gets him in trouble, but the reward of getting in trouble is much nicer than his peers ridiculing him.  Poor kid.

"Dayton, stop pushing my buttons!!!"
"Buttons?  You have buttons?  Where are your buttons and how many of them do you have for me to push?"  Then he starts shoving my shirt up to see if they're on my belly, walking around me to see if they're on my back..."  "I see your belly button, what happens if I push it?"

"Dayton, I got a bone to pick with you."
"Really?  Awesome!!!  Where are the bones?  Are they human bones, animal bones...  Ooooohhhh, please tell me they're dinosaur bones!!!"

In class one day:  "Class, draw your 'sneaker.'
Dayton:  "I don't wear 'sneakers, I wear 'skater shoes.'"  Now you can see the potential of a teacher thinking he was being defiant or refusing to do work here, right?  Yup. 

Teacher:  "Dayton, did you rip that back pack?"  This incident happened two years ago...  The teacher and his aid were standing across the room from Dayton, watching him stick his finger into a back pack that already HAD a small rip in it.  When Dayton stuck his finger in it, he pulled down hard, making the rip larger.
"No."
"Yes, yes you did, I saw you do it!"
"No I didn't!!!"
The two of them were having two different arguments.  Dayton's argument being there was already a rip in the back pack, the teacher's being that he ripped it further.  Furthermore, I see no point in questioning a child if you saw he did something inappropriate.  Choose your words carefully and be literal if you want him to answer a question, and don't bother asking questions you know the answer to.  This incident resulted in Dayton pulling desks out of the way to get away from his teacher as she approached him (big no, no.  Now you're intimidating and threatening him) as well as his aid who was coming in for the kill.  Apparently the principal at that time decided to join in on restraining my babe to the floor, and another large, male teacher came in to 'help.'  The daycare owner came running to see what was happening because she heard my baby scream, and watched Dayton fight off the four school staff.  She evicted Dayton out of daycare as a result of seeing this.  Awesome!!!  You can see my frustration, can't you?

At home, playing wrestling on his playstation with his buddy...  Buddy gets mad with Dayton for beating him in a game and tells Dayton:  "BITE ME!!!"
Dayton scoots over to him, bites him, then goes back to his seat and keeps playing his game.  His buddy is crying and holding on to his arm...
"Why did you do that Dayton?"
"Ummm, because you told me to."
"What?!"
"Ugh!!!  You told me to bite you, so I did!"
Oh dear...  Buddy hits Dayton in the arm.  Dayton plows him one in the face.  Huge fight.  Name calling.  Buddy's sent home, Dayton's confused and his feelings are hurt.

Expressions of speech are a nightmare for most kids on the autism spectrum.  A dare from another child is never looked upon as a dare.  A dare to Dayton is to do what he's told so his "buddy" will like him.  He wants to be included and just doesn't stop and think about the consequences.  Besides, even if he did, the most important consequence for him is acceptance, not his mother's wrath.  Or the principal's.  Or the teacher's.  Know what I mean?


Consider yourselves hugged!

Lou