How many of us would like to feel serenity in our daily lives? Especially those of us with kiddos on the autism spectrum? How often do we miss the coming of spring, and driving down the road we one day notice that the trees have grown leaves? I've done this many, many seasons of spring. Each year I drive down the road, notice the leaves and wonder to myself: "how did I miss this miracle? Where the heck was I and how did this happen?" Each fall I wonder: "ummmm, why is it so cold all of a sudden?"
This is a sure sign that I'm under stress, very busy, and need to stop and "smell the roses." Funny, because my home still needs cleaning, the dishes are never ending, and I haven't seen the floor of my laundry room in ages. Until, that is, this past spring, and this new fall season. Since being off work from February, I actually did get to see the buds come out on the trees, and now I'm enjoying my favorite season of all - fall. But my home still looks like a hurricane came rushing through it. I'm no Molly home maker. Can't bake either. I'm going to make a horrible grandmother one day, if God wills it. But it really isn't my fault, you see I'm only half OCD. Because by the time I'm getting halfway done with something, my ADD kicks in and I've got nothing done. Today just happens to be the day that my OCD and ADD don't want to get along, so needless to say, I still have a messy home to clean. It's so bad... I thought I saw a big huge bird flying off my roof tonight, but it was the cleaning fairy screaming "oh hell no!!!" Oh well, there's always tomorrow.
Then there are the days where my OCD and ADD actually do get along, and ADD decides to take a break. This usually happens when I'm outside playing with Dayton. Then a bossy, mouthy child decides to ruin my boy's play time, which raises my stress level as I can see Dayton using his monotone language, which means he's not happy anymore, and he could strike out at a the nincompoop little brat who can't keep his mouth shut. It's always the same kid. I wish he'd just step on his lego and fall already. The kid reminds me of an angry little chihuahua: Yippy, snappy, annoying as hell, must have his own way and mark his territory, and all I wanna do is slap him. Dayton always beats me to it though. And than chihuahua's daddy gets upset with ME. Every time. "Well jeez buddy, he keeps coming back for more. Maybe if you taught him some manners, this wouldn't happen all the time."
"Your kid's the one with autism."
"Yes, and your son has an anger management problem, what yours again?"
"You need an attitude adjustment."
"I don't have an attitude, I have an extraordinary vocabulary that you can't possibly comprehend."
"Your kid's the one with autism."
"See what I mean? We've gone through this already. Yes, so Dayton has autism, if he didn't, than I suppose you would chalk up his slapping your son as 'boys will be boys,' right? Your kid is angry and calls Dayton names. I think he's the one in need of an attitude adjustment. And the next time you approach me, you need to ask yourself: Did she take her meds yet? Because I haven't today, and as you can see, I'm feeling pretty feisty."
"That sounds threatening, I don't like the tone of your voice."
"Well, wash my mouth out with chocolate."
"Some call it rude and disrespectful, but I call it choosing to stand up for me and my babe."
So, even though my life is quite less hectic this past year, I still have urges to smack stupid people. I do try to use little words to explain Dayton to them, and sometimes I even pull the crayons and paper out, since some of them prefer pictures. But there are days where I witness soooo much stupid, my brain cells want to commit suicide. And this 'dad,' is one of them. I've held my tongue for so long, I finally just blew up and let him have it. My dad would call this "stink'n thinking patterns" or STP. Every time I get cranky with someone, I think of how dad would be so disappointed in me...
Normally though, I do try to reserve myself and say the serenity prayer. For those of you that don't know it, here it is...
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I can not change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Although most widely known in its abbreviated form above, the entire prayer reads as follows:
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking as He did this sinful world,
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
I know that saying the abbreviated serenity prayer has kept me calm in the past. I need to start saying it more often on a daily basis. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time. In other words, enjoying the buds in the spring, and the change of color in leaves in the fall...
May our Heavenly Father grace you with serenity,