Well, your's truly has made it in the news...
Psych!
Not the big time news, but news never the less. I have a wonderful friend Dani, who wrote about SuperDad and I and our work with PACE, and a fellow autism mom who wrote about PACE as well. I have been blessed with wonderful friends who support my efforts in raising awareness about our kids and what we want for them.
Here's Dani's article:
http://www.examiner.com/social-media-in-calgary/winnipeg-mom-of-child-with-autism-finds-support-on-social-media
And here's Angeline's article:
http://christianweek.org/stories.php?id=1893
Both are short articles, well written and worth the time to read. These ladies know how to write, and write super well; both of them write professionally.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Showing posts with label winnipeg. Show all posts
Showing posts with label winnipeg. Show all posts
Thursday, 15 March 2012
Friday, 2 March 2012
Bite Me, Lola!!!
There are days I throw myself a pity party, days where I get mad at myself, and days where I'm just so tired of it all I literally sleep the day away. Oh, and let's not forget my good old friend, the one that's stuck with me through thick and thin, the one that never leaves my side as other friends have done, the one and only: Guilt. Born a girl, and Catholic, I never stood a chance to escape this friend. I was literally born with him beside me. My twin. I call him/her "Lola." My sick, twisted, evil twin.
When I go to visit the Autism Winnipeg Facebook Page, I see new members coming on daily. These new members are asking for advice for their little ones just diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. When it comes to the little tykes under the age of five, I feel like screaming at the parents to take the ABA (applied behaviour analysis) therapy, or the Floor Time Therapy, hell take them both if you can. I think the toughest Autism Winnipeg Parents to hear from are the ones that got their child's diagnosis after age five, where the child is past the acceptable age for ABA or any other therapy, as was the case with Dayton...
But it didn't have to be that way for Dayton...
We lived in Calgary at the time, and Dayton was just under two years old when early intervention came to my home to do observations on my little tyke. And one day, in my home, in front of my babe, they tell me: "We're not sure, but we'd like to observe Dayton for autism."
My reply? "What are you on crack? My son ain't no 'Rain Man!' Get out of my house!!!
I had worked with children with disabilities for about a year at this point, and had a few children with autism on my case load. These children, however, I fed through a G-tube. They were completely non-verbal, in diapers at age 7 and often zoned out into 'their own world.' A lot of stimming, such as head banging, humming, rocking and finger flapping came along with their autism. My babe was NOTHING like that!
So, when Early Intervention told me their reasons for observing Dayton for autism, I dismissed their reasoning away...
Reason 1) Dayton does not speak well, and only has five words.
Big Momma's denial or lie: Yeah, he's not quite two, and he's an only child. Plus, let's not forget he's a boy and boys are a wee bit slower than girls, right?
Reason 2) Dayton grunts and points at objects he wants instead of asking for them with his words.
Big Momma's denial or lie: Ummmm, yeah... He's a boy! Plus, I finish his words for him and I know what he wants so I just get it for him. I've made him lazy is all. I'm his mom, it's my responsibility to know and sense what my babe needs, right?
Reason 3) Dayton's only form of entertainment are dinosaurs, even though he has many other toys to pick from, he continually chooses the dinosaurs and plays with them exactly the same way every time.
Big Momma's denial or lie: Ummmmm, yeah... Again, he's a boy. If he was playing with Barbies, I'd be worried.
Reason 4) Dayton chooses the dinosaurs over other toys because dinosaurs don't speak, so he doesn't have to.
Big Momma's denial or lie: Seriously people! Are you on crack? For real?! That means the rest of the boys out there playing with dinosaurs are autistic too! Every boy I've met has played with dinosaurs!!!
Reason 5) Dayton walks on his toes.
Big Momma's denial or lie: yeah.... I got nothing for that one. Maybe he wants to be a ballerina? OK, so I agree, a little weird, but we can fix this. Doesn't mean my babe's like 'Rain Man.'
Reason 6) Dayton doesn't cry when you leave the room.
Big Momma's denial or lie: I think that's freaking awesome!!! I'm grateful he's not a big momma's boy!
Reason 7) Dayton doesn't make good eye contact.
Big Momma's denial or lie: Neither do I... I'm working on it though. Maybe he's a little shy like I am (NOT), but you know... that's what I mean, was I lying to myself or in denial?
Reason 8) Dayton's play skills are delayed.
Big Momma's denial or lie: Ummmm, hellllllooooo... My babe's just under two years old! How delayed could he possibly be: a day or two?! Get over yourselves! Plus, that's my fault. I don't know how to play, I was a single child too and had no one to play with. I'll learn how to play and play with Dayton more often then. I can fix this.
Reason 9) Dayton eats the crayons instead of drawing with them.
Big Momma's denial or lie: He's a toddler people! Why does every parents ensure there's nothing for a toddler around the house for the child to choke on? Because all kids stuff their mouths with something not edible... That's how they explore, right? Could that possibly be why most toys for older kids have a warning "Choking hazard, not for children under 3?" Maybe he doesn't have an interest in drawing... I know I don't. I can hardly draw a stick man!
Reason 10) Dayton can't hold a pencil or crayon properly in his hand. His fine motor skills are lacking.
Big Momma's denial or lie: Ummmmm.... he's not quite two years old... Let's let the boy get some practice with this, shall we? Let's let him grow up a bit and then worry...
MATC and finally got a diagnosis within two observations of my boy... Very short observations revealed that Dayton in fact had PDD-NOS. Finally, got the diagnosis, two months before his eighth birthday. He was too old for ABA or Floor Time Therapies. Lola came on strong and made me feel like the world's worst mother. I'm gonna have to take Lola out back and shoot her.
So, for parents out there struggling with what professionals think of their kiddos, if some professional even whispers the word autism, LISTEN to them. Put down your pride, shut up, take whatever therapy they want your little one to take and like Nike says, JUST DO IT. A little play never hurt anyone, and if they're wrong, then all you've lost is a bit of time, during which your kiddo got to play with someone other than you. Big deal. But if they're right... You've offered everything you possibly can to your child. Don't let Lola into your life. Her craaaaazy!!!
Warning: denials and lying to yourself continues on way past the diagnosis... It's happening to me as we speak as I sit back and wonder if I've just grounded my boy for his disability or if he truly deserves it. Yup, Lola's sitting right beside me...
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
When I go to visit the Autism Winnipeg Facebook Page, I see new members coming on daily. These new members are asking for advice for their little ones just diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. When it comes to the little tykes under the age of five, I feel like screaming at the parents to take the ABA (applied behaviour analysis) therapy, or the Floor Time Therapy, hell take them both if you can. I think the toughest Autism Winnipeg Parents to hear from are the ones that got their child's diagnosis after age five, where the child is past the acceptable age for ABA or any other therapy, as was the case with Dayton...
But it didn't have to be that way for Dayton...
We lived in Calgary at the time, and Dayton was just under two years old when early intervention came to my home to do observations on my little tyke. And one day, in my home, in front of my babe, they tell me: "We're not sure, but we'd like to observe Dayton for autism."
My reply? "What are you on crack? My son ain't no 'Rain Man!' Get out of my house!!!
I had worked with children with disabilities for about a year at this point, and had a few children with autism on my case load. These children, however, I fed through a G-tube. They were completely non-verbal, in diapers at age 7 and often zoned out into 'their own world.' A lot of stimming, such as head banging, humming, rocking and finger flapping came along with their autism. My babe was NOTHING like that!
So, when Early Intervention told me their reasons for observing Dayton for autism, I dismissed their reasoning away...
Reason 1) Dayton does not speak well, and only has five words.
Big Momma's denial or lie: Yeah, he's not quite two, and he's an only child. Plus, let's not forget he's a boy and boys are a wee bit slower than girls, right?
Reason 2) Dayton grunts and points at objects he wants instead of asking for them with his words.
Big Momma's denial or lie: Ummmm, yeah... He's a boy! Plus, I finish his words for him and I know what he wants so I just get it for him. I've made him lazy is all. I'm his mom, it's my responsibility to know and sense what my babe needs, right?
Reason 3) Dayton's only form of entertainment are dinosaurs, even though he has many other toys to pick from, he continually chooses the dinosaurs and plays with them exactly the same way every time.
Big Momma's denial or lie: Ummmmm, yeah... Again, he's a boy. If he was playing with Barbies, I'd be worried.
Reason 4) Dayton chooses the dinosaurs over other toys because dinosaurs don't speak, so he doesn't have to.
Big Momma's denial or lie: Seriously people! Are you on crack? For real?! That means the rest of the boys out there playing with dinosaurs are autistic too! Every boy I've met has played with dinosaurs!!!
Reason 5) Dayton walks on his toes.
Big Momma's denial or lie: yeah.... I got nothing for that one. Maybe he wants to be a ballerina? OK, so I agree, a little weird, but we can fix this. Doesn't mean my babe's like 'Rain Man.'
Reason 6) Dayton doesn't cry when you leave the room.
Big Momma's denial or lie: I think that's freaking awesome!!! I'm grateful he's not a big momma's boy!
Reason 7) Dayton doesn't make good eye contact.
Big Momma's denial or lie: Neither do I... I'm working on it though. Maybe he's a little shy like I am (NOT), but you know... that's what I mean, was I lying to myself or in denial?
Reason 8) Dayton's play skills are delayed.
Big Momma's denial or lie: Ummmm, hellllllooooo... My babe's just under two years old! How delayed could he possibly be: a day or two?! Get over yourselves! Plus, that's my fault. I don't know how to play, I was a single child too and had no one to play with. I'll learn how to play and play with Dayton more often then. I can fix this.
Reason 9) Dayton eats the crayons instead of drawing with them.
Big Momma's denial or lie: He's a toddler people! Why does every parents ensure there's nothing for a toddler around the house for the child to choke on? Because all kids stuff their mouths with something not edible... That's how they explore, right? Could that possibly be why most toys for older kids have a warning "Choking hazard, not for children under 3?" Maybe he doesn't have an interest in drawing... I know I don't. I can hardly draw a stick man!
Reason 10) Dayton can't hold a pencil or crayon properly in his hand. His fine motor skills are lacking.
Big Momma's denial or lie: Ummmmm.... he's not quite two years old... Let's let the boy get some practice with this, shall we? Let's let him grow up a bit and then worry...
MATC and finally got a diagnosis within two observations of my boy... Very short observations revealed that Dayton in fact had PDD-NOS. Finally, got the diagnosis, two months before his eighth birthday. He was too old for ABA or Floor Time Therapies. Lola came on strong and made me feel like the world's worst mother. I'm gonna have to take Lola out back and shoot her.
So, for parents out there struggling with what professionals think of their kiddos, if some professional even whispers the word autism, LISTEN to them. Put down your pride, shut up, take whatever therapy they want your little one to take and like Nike says, JUST DO IT. A little play never hurt anyone, and if they're wrong, then all you've lost is a bit of time, during which your kiddo got to play with someone other than you. Big deal. But if they're right... You've offered everything you possibly can to your child. Don't let Lola into your life. Her craaaaazy!!!
Warning: denials and lying to yourself continues on way past the diagnosis... It's happening to me as we speak as I sit back and wonder if I've just grounded my boy for his disability or if he truly deserves it. Yup, Lola's sitting right beside me...
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Sunday, 19 February 2012
We Got It!!! Time To Celebrate!!!
We finally did it. Well, SuperDad did it. We got a gym for the kids! I'm so excited, I can hardly contain it all from erupting in the form of projectile vomit. I mean this in a good way. Whenever I get super happy excited, I end up sick to my stomach...
So you're thinking "Big deal... the girl's got a gym. I don't get it...
Let me explain: All kids in Winnipeg on the autism spectrum get to enjoy this gym every Tuesday night, from 6:30pm to 8pm. It's a home for PACE!!! This is huge!!! We finally have a home away from home, and our kiddos will reap the benefits of interacting with THEIR true peers, without the fear of being bullied, harassed or teased for their disabilities. They will be celebrated for being a truly unique individual, because let's face it. If you've met a child on the autism spectrum, you've only met ONE child on the autism spectrum. It's a broad spectrum, full of beautiful colors and cool puzzles pieces.
Parents benefit by interacting with other parents of children on the autism spectrum, supporting one another without judgement! How many of us have felt judged by people that just 'don't get it?' Oh, I don't know... how about your child's school?
Yeah... That's what I thought.
Wouldn't it be nice to have a good cup of coffee, hang out with other parents who get you and your kid? That's what we're offering, so make sure to visit us and check out our website for up to date information!
Anyhow, thought I'd share the fantastic news with y'all. Hope you're as excited as I am! For those wanting more information and a schedule of events, please visit www.pacewithasd.com. Save it as a favorite on your web browser, and make sure to keep updated at this website people! Let me help you bring some sanity back to your life.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
So you're thinking "Big deal... the girl's got a gym. I don't get it...
Let me explain: All kids in Winnipeg on the autism spectrum get to enjoy this gym every Tuesday night, from 6:30pm to 8pm. It's a home for PACE!!! This is huge!!! We finally have a home away from home, and our kiddos will reap the benefits of interacting with THEIR true peers, without the fear of being bullied, harassed or teased for their disabilities. They will be celebrated for being a truly unique individual, because let's face it. If you've met a child on the autism spectrum, you've only met ONE child on the autism spectrum. It's a broad spectrum, full of beautiful colors and cool puzzles pieces.
Parents benefit by interacting with other parents of children on the autism spectrum, supporting one another without judgement! How many of us have felt judged by people that just 'don't get it?' Oh, I don't know... how about your child's school?
Yeah... That's what I thought.
Wouldn't it be nice to have a good cup of coffee, hang out with other parents who get you and your kid? That's what we're offering, so make sure to visit us and check out our website for up to date information!
Anyhow, thought I'd share the fantastic news with y'all. Hope you're as excited as I am! For those wanting more information and a schedule of events, please visit www.pacewithasd.com. Save it as a favorite on your web browser, and make sure to keep updated at this website people! Let me help you bring some sanity back to your life.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Thursday, 17 November 2011
Abused In School
Not everyone is meant to be a teacher or child care professional. You really need to have a love for children and truly enjoy seeing little people's light bulbs go off when they 'get' your lesson. I enjoyed this feeling with adults as a Pharmacy Technician Instructor at a local college, just didn't really enjoy marking the lengthy assignments and tests...
You can not view the little people as a burden. If you do, then you're definitely in the wrong place, not just for the children's sake, but your own. I imagine that when someone becomes abusive, it is because they've lost their 'self control,' and losing 'it' ain't pretty... You know the song "she ain't pretty" by the Northern Pikes? Yeah, that's what a teacher with no self control ends up looking like. All dressed nice and looking the part, but then she opens her mouth and pow! She ain't too pretty no more.
I've met a few of these not so pretty teachers in the last few years. Teachers and daycares. I think the worst incident I had with Dayton where he was abused by a worker was at River Road Child Care which is located in the St. Amant Centre. Here's a quote straight from their website at http://www.stamant.mb.ca/about-us:
You can see why I would think this was a fantastic place for my little guy! Wow! And speaking with the director of the daycare, I was told that yes, they would have no problems with Dayton. At the time, Dayton's diagnoses were ADHD and global developmental delays. I informed the director that Dayton was also being observed for autism. She assured me there would be no problems, didn't I know where I was? I was at St. Amant! I could not have chosen a better place on the world for my babe.
Here's some information on River Road Child Care located in the St. Amant Centre, again right off their website which you can find at: http://www.stamant.mb.ca/child-care:
Here's a link to the daycare's brochure: http://www.stamant.mb.ca/sites/default/files/River%20Road%20Child%20Care.pdf
So, you can see I did my homework before I decided to enlist their help in taking care of my babe's needs... They found a wonderful assistant to help Dayton throughout the day, who really bonded well with Dayton. We had become friends, play dates with our children were arranged. She's still a friend today. If it were not for her, I never would have found out what they did to my baby...
"Mamma, C hurt me."
"Dayton, how could you say something like that about C? She loves you, and she's like an auntie to you! She would never hurt you."
"Mamma, I no wanna go to deeeecare. Not like. C hurt me."
"Dayton, don't ever let me hear you talk about C like that again!!!"
And then the biting began. My boy had become a carnivore, and his appetite insatiable.... In roughly one month's time, he had bit C as well as other child care professionals a total of seven times. I was informed that Dayton either stopped biting or I would have to find another daycare. Daycares in Winnipeg are not easy to come by. I'm struggling without daycare for the last two years now... Talk about a financial oweeee! Anyways...
I made two crucial mistakes...
Mistake number one: Dayton tried to tell me he someone was hurting him, and I did NOT believe him.
Mistake number two: I didn't question WHY Dayton was becoming a carnivore...
ALL behaviour is COMMUNICATION. Dayton's communication skills were severely delayed, they still are. He was also five years old, functioning at about a three year old level. About half of his communication at age five for Dayton was PHYSICAL.
C called me and wanted to talk to me in person, without the kids present. Just the two of us. She told me, then because of my stunned look had to physically show me what was happening to my child at the hands of the director of the River Road Child Care... I can honestly tell you exactly what it feels like to have your heart ripped in half...
Dayton was forced to sit on the floor with his legs stretched straight in front of him in front of ALL the children at the daycare. Dayton was the example to the other children, treated like an animal. The director would sit behind him with her legs parallel to his, his back against her upper body. She then grabbed his wrists and pinned them behind his back. She put one of her legs across Dayton's upper legs or thighs in order to keep him rooted to the floor. With Dayton's arms stretched out tight, wrists pinned together in her hands, she lifted... she could have dislocated his shoulders!!! All Dayton could do was bite, it was his only defence!!! It seemed she didn't like being bit, so she made C do this to Dayton once a week, in front of EVERYBODY!!!
How painful was this for Dayton? How humiliating for my baby!!! He must have been so scared, so wounded, and he tried to tell me, he wanted me to protect and defend him and I didn't believe him... I let my baby down... Never, ever again will I take someone else's word over his, EVER.
After surviving this experience, I can honestly tell you exactly what it feels like to have your heart ripped in half... I went through four of the five stages of grief, missing only the 'bargaining' stage, which believe it or not, when I reached the anger stage, River Road Child Care tried to bargain with me. Their bargain? They would take Dayton back for one month while I searched for appropriate child care that could take care of his needs!!! What??? Over my dead body! My anger sky rocketed and I contacted the media. The story hit the air, and before it did, the daycare issued a letter to all parents who's children were taken care of at the daycare that I was an angry and desperate mother, and I would lie about their practice because I couldn't find daycare?! Whatever!
It took me every ounce of energy not to drive to the daycare and take matters into my own hands. The woman is lucky to be alive and well. Instead, I did an interview with Global TV, and had my 15 minutes three nights in a row, twice a night, warning everyone in Winnipeg NOT to enrol their child into River Road Child Care.
The province launched an investigation into the matter, and the director had to go back to school...
Come again Lou?
Yes, that's right. She got training which was covered by her employer... How fantastic is that?
Dayton is not the only child that has been abused by "professionals." It happens all the time. Our kiddos with special needs are like moving targets. Child care professionals, teachers and educational assistants are over worked and underpaid (not our problem, I know). Everyone, including the children are fantastic in September, but come December with Christmas holidays... tempers flare up, on both ends.
Here's the latest abuse story in school, this time recorded by a 15 year old, using his cell phone:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/16/julio-artuz-15-records-teacher-verbally-abusing_n_1097166.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
Dreadful. Sick. Demented... My heart splits in half again for this family...
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
You can not view the little people as a burden. If you do, then you're definitely in the wrong place, not just for the children's sake, but your own. I imagine that when someone becomes abusive, it is because they've lost their 'self control,' and losing 'it' ain't pretty... You know the song "she ain't pretty" by the Northern Pikes? Yeah, that's what a teacher with no self control ends up looking like. All dressed nice and looking the part, but then she opens her mouth and pow! She ain't too pretty no more.
I've met a few of these not so pretty teachers in the last few years. Teachers and daycares. I think the worst incident I had with Dayton where he was abused by a worker was at River Road Child Care which is located in the St. Amant Centre. Here's a quote straight from their website at http://www.stamant.mb.ca/about-us:
Founded by the Grey Nuns in 1931 as the St. Boniface Sanatorium, the Grey Nuns originally cared for patients with tuberculosis. The building was re-named the St. Vital Hospital in 1961.
Children with disabilities were first admitted to the St.Amant Ward in 1959. The organization was re-named St.Amant Centre in 1974 as the space became dedicated to meeting the needs of persons with developmental disabilities.
The Grey Nuns nurtured the physical, social, emotional and spiritual needs of every individual they cared for, laying the foundation for many generations of work to come. The Grey Nuns were strong advocates for the people they cared for and were determined to teach those who it was said could not be taught, to help children learn to walk who it was said would never walk. They helped each and every individual develop to the best of their abilities.The Grey Nuns were fearless leaders, unafraid to go against the grain or be defeated by the attitudes that prevailed toward those with developmental disabilities at the time. They provided direction and leadership of the organization into the 1990’s.
St.Amant is now the largest provider of community living services in Manitoba supporting individuals and their families with residential options, family care and outreach services. St.Amant also has a growing program for pre-school and school aged children with Autism.
You can see why I would think this was a fantastic place for my little guy! Wow! And speaking with the director of the daycare, I was told that yes, they would have no problems with Dayton. At the time, Dayton's diagnoses were ADHD and global developmental delays. I informed the director that Dayton was also being observed for autism. She assured me there would be no problems, didn't I know where I was? I was at St. Amant! I could not have chosen a better place on the world for my babe.
Here's some information on River Road Child Care located in the St. Amant Centre, again right off their website which you can find at: http://www.stamant.mb.ca/child-care:
We provide high-quality childcare in a warm, loving environment and promote the full development and well-being of all children with various needs and characteristics. We believe children have the right to be cared for in an atmosphere of warmth, acceptance, respect, love and laughter.
Our programming includes:
- Emergent and thematic curriculum
- Special events and field trips
- Gymnasium time
- Computer-assisted learning
- Inclusive approaches
- Natural external environment
- A scheduled, daily routine
So, you can see I did my homework before I decided to enlist their help in taking care of my babe's needs... They found a wonderful assistant to help Dayton throughout the day, who really bonded well with Dayton. We had become friends, play dates with our children were arranged. She's still a friend today. If it were not for her, I never would have found out what they did to my baby...
"Mamma, C hurt me."
"Dayton, how could you say something like that about C? She loves you, and she's like an auntie to you! She would never hurt you."
"Mamma, I no wanna go to deeeecare. Not like. C hurt me."
"Dayton, don't ever let me hear you talk about C like that again!!!"
And then the biting began. My boy had become a carnivore, and his appetite insatiable.... In roughly one month's time, he had bit C as well as other child care professionals a total of seven times. I was informed that Dayton either stopped biting or I would have to find another daycare. Daycares in Winnipeg are not easy to come by. I'm struggling without daycare for the last two years now... Talk about a financial oweeee! Anyways...
I made two crucial mistakes...
Mistake number one: Dayton tried to tell me he someone was hurting him, and I did NOT believe him.
Mistake number two: I didn't question WHY Dayton was becoming a carnivore...
ALL behaviour is COMMUNICATION. Dayton's communication skills were severely delayed, they still are. He was also five years old, functioning at about a three year old level. About half of his communication at age five for Dayton was PHYSICAL.
C called me and wanted to talk to me in person, without the kids present. Just the two of us. She told me, then because of my stunned look had to physically show me what was happening to my child at the hands of the director of the River Road Child Care... I can honestly tell you exactly what it feels like to have your heart ripped in half...
Dayton was forced to sit on the floor with his legs stretched straight in front of him in front of ALL the children at the daycare. Dayton was the example to the other children, treated like an animal. The director would sit behind him with her legs parallel to his, his back against her upper body. She then grabbed his wrists and pinned them behind his back. She put one of her legs across Dayton's upper legs or thighs in order to keep him rooted to the floor. With Dayton's arms stretched out tight, wrists pinned together in her hands, she lifted... she could have dislocated his shoulders!!! All Dayton could do was bite, it was his only defence!!! It seemed she didn't like being bit, so she made C do this to Dayton once a week, in front of EVERYBODY!!!
How painful was this for Dayton? How humiliating for my baby!!! He must have been so scared, so wounded, and he tried to tell me, he wanted me to protect and defend him and I didn't believe him... I let my baby down... Never, ever again will I take someone else's word over his, EVER.
After surviving this experience, I can honestly tell you exactly what it feels like to have your heart ripped in half... I went through four of the five stages of grief, missing only the 'bargaining' stage, which believe it or not, when I reached the anger stage, River Road Child Care tried to bargain with me. Their bargain? They would take Dayton back for one month while I searched for appropriate child care that could take care of his needs!!! What??? Over my dead body! My anger sky rocketed and I contacted the media. The story hit the air, and before it did, the daycare issued a letter to all parents who's children were taken care of at the daycare that I was an angry and desperate mother, and I would lie about their practice because I couldn't find daycare?! Whatever!
It took me every ounce of energy not to drive to the daycare and take matters into my own hands. The woman is lucky to be alive and well. Instead, I did an interview with Global TV, and had my 15 minutes three nights in a row, twice a night, warning everyone in Winnipeg NOT to enrol their child into River Road Child Care.
The province launched an investigation into the matter, and the director had to go back to school...
Come again Lou?
Yes, that's right. She got training which was covered by her employer... How fantastic is that?
Dayton is not the only child that has been abused by "professionals." It happens all the time. Our kiddos with special needs are like moving targets. Child care professionals, teachers and educational assistants are over worked and underpaid (not our problem, I know). Everyone, including the children are fantastic in September, but come December with Christmas holidays... tempers flare up, on both ends.
Here's the latest abuse story in school, this time recorded by a 15 year old, using his cell phone:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/16/julio-artuz-15-records-teacher-verbally-abusing_n_1097166.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
Dreadful. Sick. Demented... My heart splits in half again for this family...
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Sunday, 27 March 2011
Email to Ms Cruella Deville aka Dayton's Principal
Obviously, names have been change to protect privacy... other than that, this email is copied and pasted for your reading pleasure...
Hi Ms. Cruella Deville,
As promised during our phone call today, I'm emailing you about our triage conference held last Friday with Mrs. D. As I mentioned on the phone, I walked away confused... and deflated.
During our phone conversations since September regarding Dayton's unacceptable behavior, you had made assurances that Dayton has made great progress this year and that he is working harder then ever. I agreed since he has only had one in school suspension this far, a huge improvement from last year. It appears that Mrs. D does not share our enthusiasm of Dayton's progress.
Reviewing Dayton's portfolio, there was little added to the portfolio since the last triage conference last November. When I asked Mrs. D about this, she informed me that this is due to Dayton's non-compliance, and that instead of working on his assignments as asked, Dayton chooses to play games, draw guns and play with paper figures. She also pointed out that Dayton has continued to bully little Johnny, something I thought had been dealt with... It appears Dayton bullies Johnny every day, and she wanted me to discuss this with Dayton. I started to tell her that I have discussed the bullying issue with Dayton a few months ago when you had brought it to my attention, and that there are a few more boys involved in this: Jeff, Pete and Odie. Mrs. D cut me off by telling me we are not going there, and to please discuss Dayton's behavior at home with him. Without clear examples of Dayton's behavior, it makes it difficult for me to discuss and teach Dayton differently, especially since I'm suppose to deal with three months worth of bad behavior. The only example she could give me is that Dayton "flicks" Johnny in the head once a day.
The reason I had brought up the other boys was not to make excuses for Dayton's behavior. Bullying is wrong, and Dayton knows the difference between right and wrong. However, Dayton's emotional development is significantly delayed in comparison to the rest of the grade 3 class. While Dayton may chronologically be 9 years old, emotionally we are dealing with a 5 year old little boy. At this point in time, Dayton practically worships Jeff, Pete and Odie, and when Jeff tells Dayton to flick Johnny in the head, even knowing he will be sent to the principals office and that I will be upset and he will most likely be grounded, he will choose his friends as he wants to be part of their group. Frankly, I don't think Dayton is able to stop and think of cause and affect, as when he flushed Johnny's toy down the toilet, he told me to he did it to see what Johnny's reaction would be. When he saw Johnny cry, he felt sorry for Johnny and gave him one of his toys. To me this is a huge improvement as last year he showed no theory of mind (empathy, or the ability to see what the other person thinks or feels). The reason I want to know who is involved and what happened is again, not to make excuses for Dayton's behavior, but to use it to teach him to "change his mind."
When I asked Mrs. D why she hadn't contacted me by email about Dayton's behavior, she told me that if she informed me of every behavioral issue Dayton displays in the classroom, she would "write a Novella." It would leave her little time to do anything else during the course of the day other than type my email. Hearing this I made the comment that it seems that Dayton's behavior seems to be preventing him from being "included," when she interrupted me and stated this is not the case, and that he is always included unless he chooses otherwise, completely missing my point. Had she allowed me to finish my sentence, she would see that my fear is that Dayton perhaps shouldn't be mainstreamed if his behavior is causing such a disturbance to her class and the rest of the students. I also feel uncomfortable that Dayton is bullying a child on a daily basis. My concern is not just for Dayton, but for the rest of the children in the classroom, especially their safety as well as his own.
I walked away from the meeting feeling as though no matter what I say, there will always be that unspoken insinuation that at the core of of Dayton's behavior problem is my parenting. It has become exhausting to prove to your staff that I am a loving and caring parent, who is trying to instill values and morals in my child.
The drive home was very, very silent. Dayton knew he was in trouble.
As soon as we got home, I got him to go to his room so that I could clear my head. I then asked him to join me at the kitchen table where we used Lisa Hurl's advice and "drew" Dayton's story. I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. The only questions I ask is who, what, where, when and how. I am not allowed to ask why, and even if I did, Dayton would answer with an "I don't know." As he answers my questions, I draw his answers, always asking "did I get this right?" I drew the classroom, the door to the class, Mrs. D's desk, Dayton's desk (he tells me he sits alone with Mr. J?), Pete and Odie's desk (he forgot where Jeff sits) and Johnny's desk. Dayton showed me he walks around Mr. J and crosses the classroom to get to Johnny, flicks him in the head and crosses the classroom again to go outside and wait for the bus. Because the boys "hate" Johnny, Dayton's perception is that the whole class "hates" Johnny. Dayton also tells me that everyone laughs when he does this, instilling to him that he's doing the right thing as he wants to be funny. Being funny is very important to Dayton. He agrees that Mr. J and Mrs. D do not laugh, but the children do. Again, I do not wish to take the blame off Dayton at all, or excuse his behavior, I am simply giving you what's going on in his head: Jeff tells Dayton once a day to hurt Johnny, and Dayton listens to Jeff because Jeff is his "best friend." When I got your note today, again his answer was "Jeff told me to," and "Jeff's my best friend." I lost my patience and told him to get Jeff to prove he's Dayton's best friend by coming to talk to you and tell you how he gets Dayton to do things for him. I doubt Dayton will ask him to, like I said, I just lost my patience. I am human. By the way... not only was yesterday's note to me crumpled up, but Dayton also tried to forge my signature with a red pen. He is grounded for 3 days... no TV and no video games.
As I've mentioned to you on the phone, I've bought you a book called Making sense of Children's Thinking and Behavior. It's a short read, only 180 pages long, and it completely identifies with Dayton and how he thinks. It has graphs to use and is super simple. The author gives many examples of how to use the tools she has provided in her book. I will place it in Dayton's back pack for you, and hope you look through it. Feel free to lend it to Mrs. D and other staff involved in Dayton's learning and return it when you're done. It took me one day to read it.
My plan for Dayton as a result of this meeting:
I have bought Dayton 3 joke books. As discussed with you, I will put one of these books in his back pack for him to practice with Mr. J during the times that Dayton is not required to work. I would like this book returned every night as we will continue reading it until we finish. I read the jokes to Dayton, and then highlight the jokes he likes for him to read and memorize. I've asked Dayton to practice these jokes on Mr. J, and once he's got them mastered, he can try telling his "friends" the joke. I'm hoping this will distract him from trying to be funny by bullying Johnny. Mr. J is more then welcome to continue reading this book with Dayton and highlight the jokes Dayton "gets" and likes, or practice the highlighted ones.
For his drawing, I bought Dayton a book called "The Boys Doodle Book." I will work on this book with Dayton during the spring break, and put it in his back pack the first day back at school. Perhaps this will distract Dayton from drawing guns. Worth a shot. I wish I had known about the gun obsession returning, as I would have dealt with it immediately. He did receive a Nerf gun with foam bullets for his birthday from a well intended friend, it is now removed from his toy box. He is also not allowed to play video games for 3 days, and then he will return to playing Mario Brothers only.
I am sorry about the long winded email, but communication is very important and I want you to know I'm doing everything I possibly can to work with you.
Lou Lovrin
I'm sure none of you will be surprised that I have received NO RESPONSE to this email. I did however, get a note in Dayton's agenda written in red ink, thanking me for the book and she will be reading it during her "breaks." Awesome!
As for the book that I bought for the school's staff, it deserves a post of its very own, and I will soon do that for you all. It's an amazing book!!!
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
Hi Ms. Cruella Deville,
As promised during our phone call today, I'm emailing you about our triage conference held last Friday with Mrs. D. As I mentioned on the phone, I walked away confused... and deflated.
During our phone conversations since September regarding Dayton's unacceptable behavior, you had made assurances that Dayton has made great progress this year and that he is working harder then ever. I agreed since he has only had one in school suspension this far, a huge improvement from last year. It appears that Mrs. D does not share our enthusiasm of Dayton's progress.
Reviewing Dayton's portfolio, there was little added to the portfolio since the last triage conference last November. When I asked Mrs. D about this, she informed me that this is due to Dayton's non-compliance, and that instead of working on his assignments as asked, Dayton chooses to play games, draw guns and play with paper figures. She also pointed out that Dayton has continued to bully little Johnny, something I thought had been dealt with... It appears Dayton bullies Johnny every day, and she wanted me to discuss this with Dayton. I started to tell her that I have discussed the bullying issue with Dayton a few months ago when you had brought it to my attention, and that there are a few more boys involved in this: Jeff, Pete and Odie. Mrs. D cut me off by telling me we are not going there, and to please discuss Dayton's behavior at home with him. Without clear examples of Dayton's behavior, it makes it difficult for me to discuss and teach Dayton differently, especially since I'm suppose to deal with three months worth of bad behavior. The only example she could give me is that Dayton "flicks" Johnny in the head once a day.
The reason I had brought up the other boys was not to make excuses for Dayton's behavior. Bullying is wrong, and Dayton knows the difference between right and wrong. However, Dayton's emotional development is significantly delayed in comparison to the rest of the grade 3 class. While Dayton may chronologically be 9 years old, emotionally we are dealing with a 5 year old little boy. At this point in time, Dayton practically worships Jeff, Pete and Odie, and when Jeff tells Dayton to flick Johnny in the head, even knowing he will be sent to the principals office and that I will be upset and he will most likely be grounded, he will choose his friends as he wants to be part of their group. Frankly, I don't think Dayton is able to stop and think of cause and affect, as when he flushed Johnny's toy down the toilet, he told me to he did it to see what Johnny's reaction would be. When he saw Johnny cry, he felt sorry for Johnny and gave him one of his toys. To me this is a huge improvement as last year he showed no theory of mind (empathy, or the ability to see what the other person thinks or feels). The reason I want to know who is involved and what happened is again, not to make excuses for Dayton's behavior, but to use it to teach him to "change his mind."
When I asked Mrs. D why she hadn't contacted me by email about Dayton's behavior, she told me that if she informed me of every behavioral issue Dayton displays in the classroom, she would "write a Novella." It would leave her little time to do anything else during the course of the day other than type my email. Hearing this I made the comment that it seems that Dayton's behavior seems to be preventing him from being "included," when she interrupted me and stated this is not the case, and that he is always included unless he chooses otherwise, completely missing my point. Had she allowed me to finish my sentence, she would see that my fear is that Dayton perhaps shouldn't be mainstreamed if his behavior is causing such a disturbance to her class and the rest of the students. I also feel uncomfortable that Dayton is bullying a child on a daily basis. My concern is not just for Dayton, but for the rest of the children in the classroom, especially their safety as well as his own.
I walked away from the meeting feeling as though no matter what I say, there will always be that unspoken insinuation that at the core of of Dayton's behavior problem is my parenting. It has become exhausting to prove to your staff that I am a loving and caring parent, who is trying to instill values and morals in my child.
The drive home was very, very silent. Dayton knew he was in trouble.
As soon as we got home, I got him to go to his room so that I could clear my head. I then asked him to join me at the kitchen table where we used Lisa Hurl's advice and "drew" Dayton's story. I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. The only questions I ask is who, what, where, when and how. I am not allowed to ask why, and even if I did, Dayton would answer with an "I don't know." As he answers my questions, I draw his answers, always asking "did I get this right?" I drew the classroom, the door to the class, Mrs. D's desk, Dayton's desk (he tells me he sits alone with Mr. J?), Pete and Odie's desk (he forgot where Jeff sits) and Johnny's desk. Dayton showed me he walks around Mr. J and crosses the classroom to get to Johnny, flicks him in the head and crosses the classroom again to go outside and wait for the bus. Because the boys "hate" Johnny, Dayton's perception is that the whole class "hates" Johnny. Dayton also tells me that everyone laughs when he does this, instilling to him that he's doing the right thing as he wants to be funny. Being funny is very important to Dayton. He agrees that Mr. J and Mrs. D do not laugh, but the children do. Again, I do not wish to take the blame off Dayton at all, or excuse his behavior, I am simply giving you what's going on in his head: Jeff tells Dayton once a day to hurt Johnny, and Dayton listens to Jeff because Jeff is his "best friend." When I got your note today, again his answer was "Jeff told me to," and "Jeff's my best friend." I lost my patience and told him to get Jeff to prove he's Dayton's best friend by coming to talk to you and tell you how he gets Dayton to do things for him. I doubt Dayton will ask him to, like I said, I just lost my patience. I am human. By the way... not only was yesterday's note to me crumpled up, but Dayton also tried to forge my signature with a red pen. He is grounded for 3 days... no TV and no video games.
As I've mentioned to you on the phone, I've bought you a book called Making sense of Children's Thinking and Behavior. It's a short read, only 180 pages long, and it completely identifies with Dayton and how he thinks. It has graphs to use and is super simple. The author gives many examples of how to use the tools she has provided in her book. I will place it in Dayton's back pack for you, and hope you look through it. Feel free to lend it to Mrs. D and other staff involved in Dayton's learning and return it when you're done. It took me one day to read it.
My plan for Dayton as a result of this meeting:
I have bought Dayton 3 joke books. As discussed with you, I will put one of these books in his back pack for him to practice with Mr. J during the times that Dayton is not required to work. I would like this book returned every night as we will continue reading it until we finish. I read the jokes to Dayton, and then highlight the jokes he likes for him to read and memorize. I've asked Dayton to practice these jokes on Mr. J, and once he's got them mastered, he can try telling his "friends" the joke. I'm hoping this will distract him from trying to be funny by bullying Johnny. Mr. J is more then welcome to continue reading this book with Dayton and highlight the jokes Dayton "gets" and likes, or practice the highlighted ones.
For his drawing, I bought Dayton a book called "The Boys Doodle Book." I will work on this book with Dayton during the spring break, and put it in his back pack the first day back at school. Perhaps this will distract Dayton from drawing guns. Worth a shot. I wish I had known about the gun obsession returning, as I would have dealt with it immediately. He did receive a Nerf gun with foam bullets for his birthday from a well intended friend, it is now removed from his toy box. He is also not allowed to play video games for 3 days, and then he will return to playing Mario Brothers only.
I am sorry about the long winded email, but communication is very important and I want you to know I'm doing everything I possibly can to work with you.
Lou Lovrin
I'm sure none of you will be surprised that I have received NO RESPONSE to this email. I did however, get a note in Dayton's agenda written in red ink, thanking me for the book and she will be reading it during her "breaks." Awesome!
As for the book that I bought for the school's staff, it deserves a post of its very own, and I will soon do that for you all. It's an amazing book!!!
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
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