I keep hearing this song over and over and over in my mind lately: "Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be Your name: JESUS, blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be Your glorious name..."
A very dear friend to my heart had messaged me via facebook and apologized for not meeting me for coffee when he had the chance. In his message to me, well... I should just share a part of it...
"I read your blog, I read your (facebook) status updates... it is amazing to me what you have in your past and in your present been through, and do you give up... hell no, you raise to the challenge..."
I had taken a few days to mull over what he was saying to me, but naturally, the man was impatient and wanted a response. I wasn't quite ready to respond, but felt I had to and hurt my my dear friend's feelings...
I had to keep reading the above paragraph over and over and the more I read it, the more intimidated I got by the woman my friend was talking about. I mean, wow, she seems really amazing! But this woman is not me. I'm not strong, not at all. I'm just as whiny and irritated by life as the next woman. Just ask Dayton's dad. Well, maybe don't. He'll tell you horror stories and y'all gonna think I'm nuts... Isn't it funny how two people can look at the exact same person and see someone totally different? Glen wonders out loud when "they're" going to name a hurricane after me, and then there's my dear friend Dan who thinks I'm this amazing, wonderful human being... Then there's me who knows the truth: I always carry a little crazy with me. You just never know when it's going to come in handy, ya'know?
Anyways... My point. Menopause brain at it's finest here... My point is that I'm not alone, EVER. I'm always praying. And say what you will about God having been taken out of schools, at the end of the day, as long as students are being tested, people will be praying. Not just the students taking the test, but the moms and dads out there and teachers too! Many people out there who have professed to not believe in God, sure call His name out often. Me thinks they be called hypocrites.
No matter what I do during the course of the day, I silently pray for guidance. There are days where I want to hurt people's feelings with a chainsaw, but I remind myself that that's just not appropriate and I must obey the Lord. Remember those bracelets kids used to wear, reminding them "what would Jesus do?" I think we need to bring those back. I've fallen off the wagon, especially with Glen, and snapping that bracelet would put me back in check.
I think that sometimes, you need to step outside of the person you've been, and think about the person God has meant for you to be. You know, the person you WANT to be - the person you truly are once stripped down to your naked self. Remind yourself of what is truly important in your life. Reach way, way down, and you will know it. It may take some time, but you'll get there.
It turns out that for me, my relationship with God is far more important than my relationships with people. I have made a real mess of things when I worry about others liking me, but when I focus on pleasing God, and doing what I can to be likeable to Him, others tend to like me more than they had when I worked really hard at getting them to like me. My relationship with God is unconditional, He never leaves my side. I talk to him all the time. This relationship is what gives me what I need to keep going. I don't have a choice. I can't just give up and walk away, it's not something God would want me to do.
My struggles with accepting autism as a way of life for my family could not have been overcome without the guidance of the Lord. He gives me strength and helps me accept what I can not change. I trust that He gives me what I need, and provides me only with what I need. So, I guess that makes me low maintenance? Hahaha! The more I pray, the more at peace I am.
So, my response back to Dan, well part of it:
"Dayton is the air I breath, and I would die for him. Whatever he needs, I will always provide, no matter what. He always comes first. And let's not forget about God. With Him, all things are possible. I truly believe God has a purpose for my son, something incredible. I know that this autism thing has a higher purpose, and that my struggle is not in vain. You know what I mean? I think God gives us "opportunities," and some of them are pretty tough, but it's up to us to take these "opportunities" and either make something out of them or crash and burn. I choose to make something out of this for Dayton and I, make a life that we can reflect back to God. I prayed for a son, and He gave me one, and I swore that I would give my son right back to him. God's given me a beautiful son, and it's my job to raise him in His image...
Thank you for thinking of me and encouraging me. I especially thank you for your prayers... God is hearing them, as my life with Dayton is good!!"
As my dad Paul Humphreys taught me to say: Consider yourselves hugged!