I have struggled with this story for eight long months. The father approached me for help in his situation, and to be honest, I was hesitant in doing so because of what was happening in my own personal life. Being accused of considering myself an expert in autism did not help, and I had neglected to continue my work on Autism Diva Help as a result of my personal life and accusations. But this story really needs to come out to light. Our children on the autism spectrum need a voice, and while I am NOT an autism expert, I have been wanting to advocate for our children for a very long time. I also want to bring awareness to a society that likes to brush anything not "normal" under the rug. You know, pretend that things that aren't pretty just don't exist. That is why I created Autism Diva Help in the first place.
I also wanted to make sure I had all the facts straight before publishing this post.
I am grateful to be living in the Seven Oaks School Division. The educators are actually educated and want to educate themselves further to better understand what a child on the autism spectrum may be experiencing. I had the pleasure of seeing some Dayton and Amber's school's staff at the Temple Grandin appearance at the end of October. Dayton has attended two schools now in this division, and doing extremely well. Perhaps a part of his success can be attributed to the additional work we do at home with him, as well as his age. He is now a "tween," turning twelve in February. Dayton has more understanding and experience to fall on as well, giving him more "tools" in his "tool box," enabling him to mainstream more successfully.
Not all parents can say the same in their child's education. As you know, Dayton and I have been "there" before.
I've had on and off communication with a father of two young boys attending elementary schools for the past year and a half. He's joined our Autism Winnipeg PACE facebook page networking with other parents and looking for support. Last April, I finally got to meet him in person with Mike, and he told us his story over a hot cup of Tim Horton's coffee.
Here is his story:
This father has two children, both boys, actually they are twins. One has ADHD and the other is on the autism spectrum disorder. While the child with ADHD and anxiety issues had an educational assistant since grade one, the child with autism who is in more need of an EA did not have one until shortly before April, even though everyone agreed he had the most aggressive issues in school. The little guy's attention and behavior interfering with learning came in the afternoon, and the school's answer was to keep him in the hallway rather than give him a much needed movement brake. He finally got level two funding. In April, the boys were nine and in grade four.
These issues came to an all time high in April, ending with the principal calling the police. Yup, another classic educator not educated or perhaps discriminating against a young elementary age child with developmental disabilities.
It has been apparent to the father that an elementary school in Pembina Trails School Division has had a history of "getting rid of" less than desirable children. But this school was in the family's catchment area, and we know how school divisions like their catchment areas. Just try to get your child transferred to another school, I dare you. Then email me back with the outcome.
During the course of a few years, this elementary school had used CFS as a weapon against the parents, because (yes, here comes my all famous sarcasm) as educational professionals, it is common knowledge that autism is caused by the parents, it is a "discipline" issue. Boy, I'm so glad we live in 2013, not in the mid 1950's. You remember the cause of autism back then was "refrigerator mothers." As you can see, we've evolved in discovering the true cause of autism, haven't we?
Anyhow, the principal called CFS numerous times, and at one time went as far as trying to have the young lad put into residential care. In April, due to an autistic meltdown, she decided the best approach was to call the police, without telling the police that the little guy had autism and focused on the real problem (dripping with sarcasm): the parents, whom I might add were not in the school. She waited until after the police came to the school and the child to calm himself down before even calling the parents. This incident happened on a Friday. I mention this because that same week on Monday prior to her calling the police, and Thursday, the day before calling the police, the principal had called the father complaining about his son's behavior and actually told him that she was tired of calling him and threatened to call the police instead 'next time.' Threats of police involvement were there for a few weeks before this fateful Friday.
I've been through many IEP meetings, and none of them had mentioned calling the police in the behavior plan. It's always call the parents. In my biological son's case in the past, it had always read call mother, for just about every issue known to man. Calling the police on an elementary school child is 1) ridiculous and 2) a way to show the parents who's in charge.
As soon as the father opened the door to the school, he was greeted by the head police woman in charge, who pointed towards the principal's office. The principal was waiting for the father along with four more police officers. Ahem... A little overkill, no? Even Dayton (7 years old at the time), who had threatened to shoot his principal in the face had two police officers waiting for me outside of the school.
The principal began to tell her story, admitting that she had placed her hands on the little boy's head and pushed him backwards into a closet several times... Ummm... HELLOOOOO! In what moment of insanity does someone decide shoving another human being by the head into a closet is 1) appropriate and 2) comforting??? You don't need to have autism to feel completely ridiculed and as though you are worthless when someone does that to you, do you? Furthermore, just a week prior to this incident, a meeting was held with the principal and the boy's psychiatrist and parents of course, in which the principal was explained to by the psychiatrist that the little boy should not be forced to be in a small space by himself, as this would not help in any way to settle the child, in fact, it would cause extreme anxiety and exacerbate the behavior further. I'm sorry, but you really don't need to be a psychiatrist to figure that one out. It's not rocket science. The father, mortified, simply asked a single question: "Did you think that was safe?"
The father tells me that the police immediately came to the principal's rescue. The police threatened to arrest him and bar him from the school, which quickly made the father choke up and come to the realization that the police were not there to be helpful to his child, they were there to sustain the authority of the principal. In the principal's own words: "We've wasted enough time on this 'proactive stuff,' we're moving on to 're-active' now. Let's go back and talk restraint again."
The father was speechless. He tried to walk away towards where his son was drawing, and the lead police officer grabbed the father by the arm and said that she would escort him. The father, concerned about his child seeing him escorted by a police officer, pulled his arm away from the woman, explaining as politely as he possibly could in this situation that he had picked up his son many times and new the way to go, but it didn't matter. She would escort him, end of discussion. The police and principal further stressed the family by escorting the family with the boys out of the school at the end of the day when all children were being dismissed, with the police threatening the father that they could arrest him and ban him from the school, because the father's body language was 'intimidating.' This was all done in front of the children.
Needless to say, the parents decided that this school was no longer an option for their twin boys. They have moved to another school, where some of the toxic brew seemed to have followed them at first, but now that the school staff have gotten to know the family and the boys, they're all doing much better. This new school is much better equipped to help children on the autism spectrum, having two quiet rooms and a sensory room, whereas the old school had one quiet room, a windowless supply closet converted to be a quiet room. The principal is more informed and aware of autism and acknowledges that autism is not a "discipline" issue, it is a developmental disability. She has full confidence in the parents and sees that they only want what is best for their children.
The boys are now ten years old and in grade five. As of last week, both boys now have an autism spectrum disorder diagnosis.
Is there closure for this family? Did I have closure with the incidents of physical and mental abuse that happened to Dayton in our school system? I don't think I'll ever forget what happened to my son, or the discrimination against my family. I don't think this father will forget so easily either. It is a pain that leaves scars no one else can see, but I assure you, they are there. With time and a good school and fantastic teachers who care, the pain slowly dissolves, and we begin to trust humanity again. I've come to the point of peace with my children's diagnoses, yes they have more than one diagnosis, with the exception of my youngest two. Four out of six children have more than one diagnosis and the fifth has the one diagnosis of ADHD. My youngest babe is neurotypical. We have high expectations of him, just don't tell him yet.
Consider yourselves hugged, especially those of you fighting for your children's and your own rights as the father in this story...
Lou
Monday, 16 December 2013
Friday, 29 November 2013
Feisty And Non Compliant - Can I Get A Behavior Plan Over Here???
Ah yes, t'is the season for IEP meetings. Quick pop quiz... What's an IEP meeting? Come on, you can do it! That's right, it's the individual education plan meeting. All parents with special needs children get to have those twice a year.
Did you know there is a sales market geared at IEP's? I'm serious. Here's a couple of links for you to check out:
http://www.zazzle.ca/no_crying_in_iep_meetings_aprons-154740917622695277
This one is a little scary, but here you go: http://www.beautifulmindsinc.com/video-right
http://hooverlaw.com/wordpress/?p=74
http://expertbeacon.com/successful-iep-meeting-requires-effective-parent-participation/#.UpltJMSkpRo
Love this picture I recently found about IEP's
If you've checked these out, you can understand why most parents come to these meetings prepared for battle. We know what's waiting for us: a cold, impersonal boardroom kind of place, with the school team on one side of the table, usually consisting of the educational assistant, teacher, principal, guidance counsellor and sometimes, if you're really lucky, the speech and language pathologist, physiotherapist and the special needs coordinator from the school division. All these people are sitting at a table, together, right across from you and whomever you're lucky enough to have talked into coming to the meeting with you. If you go alone, you sit alone. It kind of feels like you're sitting rather than standing in front of a firing squad... The feeling of judgement day is all around you. The people across the table from you look down at you. Uncomfortable? Nooo... A root canal is uncomfortable; this is a whole new level of discomfort my friend. While the whole table agrees that there are delays in speech, language & communication, play and learning, no one seems to know how to help the child mainstream into the classroom in a way where he or she can learn and be a contributing member of the class. So, since the self proclaimed professionals don't know how to help your child, they assure you that they are doing everything they humanly can and that you, as a parent... well... you suck. It is a discipline issue, that needs to be addressed at home, even though the behaviour generally only takes place at school. So, the professionals now need to draft a behaviour plan, which in a nut shell, tells the parent 1) how to parent and 2) typically says that you will come and pick up your child early from school when there's a meltdown.
In the past, rather than go to these meetings alone, I called my CSS worker to come with me as well as Dayton's behavioural specialist. Finally, I had asked a CFS worker to come join me in my fight for Dayton's rights at his school, as the three of us alone could not seem to get the school to understand that Dayton had a pervasive developmental disorder, along with ADHD, GDD and ODD, all contributing to how he relates with others, learns and understands the world in general to be.
This year is different.
We're in a new school division, and I am free to name it for you. Seven Oaks School Division.
I prepared for the IEP meeting dressed to the hilt, red nails and all, ready to fight for my children and their rights. Dayton's IEP came first.
There was no boardroom. There was a small desk, three chairs, Dayton's guidance counsellor and his educational assistant, Mike and myself. Even numbers...
"Dayton's had an amazing start to the new school year. We're so impressed with how he's adjusted and how he's wanting to learn. In fact, I've filed the negative notes from his past school in a different filing system, away from others, for my eyes only, as they do not describe the boy we have the pleasure of working with today..." said Dayton's guidance counsellor. "We're actually shocked at how well he is reading, we weren't expecting him to read..."
Wow... I sat on my hands, shamefully hiding my red nails.
I got to sit and listen to Dayton's educational assistant tell us how well Dayton works with her, and how yes, he does need constant guidance and supervision, as without her present, he figures he doesn't have to work, but still... My baby is learning!!! He's working hard!!! No meltdowns as the staff nip it in the butt and are proactive!!! They've gotten to know him and see trouble coming before it happens, stop it, and move on! I left the meeting SMILING!
Next stop: Amber's IEP meeting.
Friends, I was stunned. As I walked into the room, we had a few more people on the other side of the table then we had at Dayton's IEP meeting: Amber's teacher, her educational assistant, the speech & language pathologist, and someone from the school division. On the table in front of us, they had Tim Horton's coffee and Timbits waiting for us!!! Seriously! No joke, this is a true story! I've never been served anything during an IEP meeting other than "your son is feisty and non compliant, here's his IEP and behaviour plan, fix him, yourself and his father, you're wrong, we're right, you suck, now get out." In fact, his old principal three years ago tried to tell me my son was a psychopath, etc...
I was in for another surprise. The school staff sitting in front of Mike and myself were genuinely concerned about Amber and our took our fears of Amber's regression seriously. They too noticed that she has been regressing, and had questions for us about how things were going at home, and what they could do to (wait for it, you're not going to believe it because I nearly fell off my chair when I heard them...) HELP! The women sitting in front of us wanted to know how to help Amber! They didn't criticize our parenting, they didn't blame us for her disability or accuse us of not disciplining our daughter. They wanted to support us and praised us for everything we do for our children!
I quietly and as discreetly as I could, began to chip away at my nail polish under the table.
There is a reason the rear view mirror is very small in comparison to the huge windshield in front of me. Where my children are headed is far more important than what we've left behind. This school gets it. And I am humbly grateful.
I left the school smiling so hard, my face hurt. I've never left an IEP smiling before. It always ended in tears and self loathing.
Consider yourselves hugged, especially those of you waiting for your turn in the dreaded IEP seat,
Lou
Did you know there is a sales market geared at IEP's? I'm serious. Here's a couple of links for you to check out:
http://www.zazzle.ca/no_crying_in_iep_meetings_aprons-154740917622695277
This one is a little scary, but here you go: http://www.beautifulmindsinc.com/video-right
http://hooverlaw.com/wordpress/?p=74
http://expertbeacon.com/successful-iep-meeting-requires-effective-parent-participation/#.UpltJMSkpRo
Love this picture I recently found about IEP's
If you've checked these out, you can understand why most parents come to these meetings prepared for battle. We know what's waiting for us: a cold, impersonal boardroom kind of place, with the school team on one side of the table, usually consisting of the educational assistant, teacher, principal, guidance counsellor and sometimes, if you're really lucky, the speech and language pathologist, physiotherapist and the special needs coordinator from the school division. All these people are sitting at a table, together, right across from you and whomever you're lucky enough to have talked into coming to the meeting with you. If you go alone, you sit alone. It kind of feels like you're sitting rather than standing in front of a firing squad... The feeling of judgement day is all around you. The people across the table from you look down at you. Uncomfortable? Nooo... A root canal is uncomfortable; this is a whole new level of discomfort my friend. While the whole table agrees that there are delays in speech, language & communication, play and learning, no one seems to know how to help the child mainstream into the classroom in a way where he or she can learn and be a contributing member of the class. So, since the self proclaimed professionals don't know how to help your child, they assure you that they are doing everything they humanly can and that you, as a parent... well... you suck. It is a discipline issue, that needs to be addressed at home, even though the behaviour generally only takes place at school. So, the professionals now need to draft a behaviour plan, which in a nut shell, tells the parent 1) how to parent and 2) typically says that you will come and pick up your child early from school when there's a meltdown.
In the past, rather than go to these meetings alone, I called my CSS worker to come with me as well as Dayton's behavioural specialist. Finally, I had asked a CFS worker to come join me in my fight for Dayton's rights at his school, as the three of us alone could not seem to get the school to understand that Dayton had a pervasive developmental disorder, along with ADHD, GDD and ODD, all contributing to how he relates with others, learns and understands the world in general to be.
This year is different.
We're in a new school division, and I am free to name it for you. Seven Oaks School Division.
I prepared for the IEP meeting dressed to the hilt, red nails and all, ready to fight for my children and their rights. Dayton's IEP came first.
There was no boardroom. There was a small desk, three chairs, Dayton's guidance counsellor and his educational assistant, Mike and myself. Even numbers...
"Dayton's had an amazing start to the new school year. We're so impressed with how he's adjusted and how he's wanting to learn. In fact, I've filed the negative notes from his past school in a different filing system, away from others, for my eyes only, as they do not describe the boy we have the pleasure of working with today..." said Dayton's guidance counsellor. "We're actually shocked at how well he is reading, we weren't expecting him to read..."
Wow... I sat on my hands, shamefully hiding my red nails.
I got to sit and listen to Dayton's educational assistant tell us how well Dayton works with her, and how yes, he does need constant guidance and supervision, as without her present, he figures he doesn't have to work, but still... My baby is learning!!! He's working hard!!! No meltdowns as the staff nip it in the butt and are proactive!!! They've gotten to know him and see trouble coming before it happens, stop it, and move on! I left the meeting SMILING!
Next stop: Amber's IEP meeting.
Friends, I was stunned. As I walked into the room, we had a few more people on the other side of the table then we had at Dayton's IEP meeting: Amber's teacher, her educational assistant, the speech & language pathologist, and someone from the school division. On the table in front of us, they had Tim Horton's coffee and Timbits waiting for us!!! Seriously! No joke, this is a true story! I've never been served anything during an IEP meeting other than "your son is feisty and non compliant, here's his IEP and behaviour plan, fix him, yourself and his father, you're wrong, we're right, you suck, now get out." In fact, his old principal three years ago tried to tell me my son was a psychopath, etc...
I was in for another surprise. The school staff sitting in front of Mike and myself were genuinely concerned about Amber and our took our fears of Amber's regression seriously. They too noticed that she has been regressing, and had questions for us about how things were going at home, and what they could do to (wait for it, you're not going to believe it because I nearly fell off my chair when I heard them...) HELP! The women sitting in front of us wanted to know how to help Amber! They didn't criticize our parenting, they didn't blame us for her disability or accuse us of not disciplining our daughter. They wanted to support us and praised us for everything we do for our children!
I quietly and as discreetly as I could, began to chip away at my nail polish under the table.
There is a reason the rear view mirror is very small in comparison to the huge windshield in front of me. Where my children are headed is far more important than what we've left behind. This school gets it. And I am humbly grateful.
I left the school smiling so hard, my face hurt. I've never left an IEP smiling before. It always ended in tears and self loathing.
Consider yourselves hugged, especially those of you waiting for your turn in the dreaded IEP seat,
Lou
Thursday, 24 October 2013
Project Annual World Autism Awareness Walk (Our Second Year)
PACE (Parents Of Autistic Children Everywhere) has grown in the last year. There are now136 members to date, with 5 administrators: Mike Wilwand, Arlene Reid, Jacqueline Mason, our resident sage Anne Fountain and of course, your's truly, The Diva.
We've learned from our first World Autism Awareness Walk last April. We've heard people's suggestions and are working hard at coming up with a better plan. We want to make April 2nd 2014 a moment that brings a little something to your life.
As great as our first annual walk was, we kind of boo-booed on one small detail... how to get us back to our vehicles... OOOOPPPSSS... We've addressed that issue for this year. I can't give you all the details yet, but what I can tell you is that from now on, you won't have to do the walk twice. Sorry about that. I really, really am. But even with that small boo-boo, you gotta admit, overall, we had a great walk. I loved the pictures our photographer Anthony Schellenberg took of us. Again, if you're looking for a professional photographer, please check out Anthony's site at: http://www.anthonymarkphotography.net/. If you want a patient photographer who knows his stuff, you need to be checking in with Anthony soon. The holidays are coming, so I'm going to bet he's going to be booked solid fairly quickly.
If you didn't come to the walk last April, I really hope you make it out this spring. If you did walk, who did you walk for?
Being around children with autism has changed my life in a way only the sweet innocence of someone with autism can. Autism has changed my life... I am twice the woman I used to be because of it. I've had to change my way of thinking to understand my children, think outside the box. It's not an easy thing to do, but I learn something new every day to help me along. I think the greatest obstacle that any person with autism has to overcome is other people telling them what they are and are not capable of doing. My children know that I am one person that they will not have that challenge with. Bill Gates, Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, Beethoven, Emily Dickinson, Mark Twain, Mozart, Einstein, Van Gogh... What would our society look like without these brilliant minds? And they HAD AUTISM!!! This is why my children will never have to battle with me as to what they are capable of, because of these people, I will always PUSH my children to do their best in everything they do in life.
That is why I walk.
There are other children who are much more severely affected with autism than mine, and I know a few of them. They may not be the next Einstein. I know that people think they are less capable, less knowledgeable, less, less, less and less. I walk for them too, because people who think my friends are LESS need to understand that different is NOT less. My friends and family are MORE deserving than anyone in this world of understanding, patience and love.
That is why I walk.
So, I hope to see you walk beside me, because the more people we have walking, the more others will see that we are here. Life isn't watching the moments in your life pass you by, life is making those moments count for something. April 2nd is your moment. Make it count!
In order to make this walk a moment in your life that will count for something, I need some feedback. I would like input from those who attended last year's walk. What would you change? What should we add? Email me at autism.diva.help@gmail.com.
In the mean time, consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
We've learned from our first World Autism Awareness Walk last April. We've heard people's suggestions and are working hard at coming up with a better plan. We want to make April 2nd 2014 a moment that brings a little something to your life.
As great as our first annual walk was, we kind of boo-booed on one small detail... how to get us back to our vehicles... OOOOPPPSSS... We've addressed that issue for this year. I can't give you all the details yet, but what I can tell you is that from now on, you won't have to do the walk twice. Sorry about that. I really, really am. But even with that small boo-boo, you gotta admit, overall, we had a great walk. I loved the pictures our photographer Anthony Schellenberg took of us. Again, if you're looking for a professional photographer, please check out Anthony's site at: http://www.anthonymarkphotography.net/. If you want a patient photographer who knows his stuff, you need to be checking in with Anthony soon. The holidays are coming, so I'm going to bet he's going to be booked solid fairly quickly.
If you didn't come to the walk last April, I really hope you make it out this spring. If you did walk, who did you walk for?
Being around children with autism has changed my life in a way only the sweet innocence of someone with autism can. Autism has changed my life... I am twice the woman I used to be because of it. I've had to change my way of thinking to understand my children, think outside the box. It's not an easy thing to do, but I learn something new every day to help me along. I think the greatest obstacle that any person with autism has to overcome is other people telling them what they are and are not capable of doing. My children know that I am one person that they will not have that challenge with. Bill Gates, Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, Beethoven, Emily Dickinson, Mark Twain, Mozart, Einstein, Van Gogh... What would our society look like without these brilliant minds? And they HAD AUTISM!!! This is why my children will never have to battle with me as to what they are capable of, because of these people, I will always PUSH my children to do their best in everything they do in life.
That is why I walk.
There are other children who are much more severely affected with autism than mine, and I know a few of them. They may not be the next Einstein. I know that people think they are less capable, less knowledgeable, less, less, less and less. I walk for them too, because people who think my friends are LESS need to understand that different is NOT less. My friends and family are MORE deserving than anyone in this world of understanding, patience and love.
That is why I walk.
So, I hope to see you walk beside me, because the more people we have walking, the more others will see that we are here. Life isn't watching the moments in your life pass you by, life is making those moments count for something. April 2nd is your moment. Make it count!
In order to make this walk a moment in your life that will count for something, I need some feedback. I would like input from those who attended last year's walk. What would you change? What should we add? Email me at autism.diva.help@gmail.com.
In the mean time, consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
Monday, 14 October 2013
Did You Know?
A dear friend of mine posted these seven statistics on facebook and I thought I would share them with you here:
1) Autism now affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys).
2) Autism prevalence figures are growing.
3) Autism is the fastest growing serious developmental disability. More children will be diagnosed with autism this year than with AIDS, diabetes and cancer combined.
4) Autism costs a family $60,000 a year on average.
5) Autism receives less then 5% of the research funding of many less prevalent childhood diseases.
6) Boys are nearly five times more likely than girls to have autism.
7) There is no medical detection or cure for autism.
Here's a look at a homework assignment of a child living with autism.
How many teachers out there would look at this and think that the child who wrote this is being uncooperative? At first glance to me it seemed as though someone was making fun of a child who can't spell. Then I read the teacher's instructions again.
I wonder how many teachers out there are looking at this and thinking that this child is being uncooperative? How many teachers are looking at this and feel offended? How many teachers are looking at this and having an 'aha' moment?
As a parent, looking at this makes me think if perhaps my eleven year old can't write because he's over thinking the rules? Maybe. Could it be that the letters themselves standing alone make no sense to him? Maybe. I wish he could tell me, I really do. But this picture clearly shows that the child who finished the homework assignment wasn't 'lazy' about his work. He or she clearly takes pride in his work and put a lot of effort into it. He or she made certain to follow the rules and did what was asked.
Rules... just one small deficit area for our children. A rule is a rule is a rule.
Autism... It's not a processing error... It's a different operating system altogether. Most of us can overcome a mistake in direction and read between the lines, but our children really struggle in letting go of the details. Every detail is important to them, and they just can't decide which detail is the MOST important.
In my home, it doesn't help that my career is detail focused. If I don't pay attention to details, people can die, so my motto at home with my children is 'pay attention to details people!' I think I may have to make a slight adjustment to my motto... Not sure how, so if anyone has suggestions, please share!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
1) Autism now affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys).
2) Autism prevalence figures are growing.
3) Autism is the fastest growing serious developmental disability. More children will be diagnosed with autism this year than with AIDS, diabetes and cancer combined.
4) Autism costs a family $60,000 a year on average.
5) Autism receives less then 5% of the research funding of many less prevalent childhood diseases.
6) Boys are nearly five times more likely than girls to have autism.
7) There is no medical detection or cure for autism.
Here's a look at a homework assignment of a child living with autism.
How many teachers out there would look at this and think that the child who wrote this is being uncooperative? At first glance to me it seemed as though someone was making fun of a child who can't spell. Then I read the teacher's instructions again.
I wonder how many teachers out there are looking at this and thinking that this child is being uncooperative? How many teachers are looking at this and feel offended? How many teachers are looking at this and having an 'aha' moment?
As a parent, looking at this makes me think if perhaps my eleven year old can't write because he's over thinking the rules? Maybe. Could it be that the letters themselves standing alone make no sense to him? Maybe. I wish he could tell me, I really do. But this picture clearly shows that the child who finished the homework assignment wasn't 'lazy' about his work. He or she clearly takes pride in his work and put a lot of effort into it. He or she made certain to follow the rules and did what was asked.
Rules... just one small deficit area for our children. A rule is a rule is a rule.
Autism... It's not a processing error... It's a different operating system altogether. Most of us can overcome a mistake in direction and read between the lines, but our children really struggle in letting go of the details. Every detail is important to them, and they just can't decide which detail is the MOST important.
In my home, it doesn't help that my career is detail focused. If I don't pay attention to details, people can die, so my motto at home with my children is 'pay attention to details people!' I think I may have to make a slight adjustment to my motto... Not sure how, so if anyone has suggestions, please share!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Thursday, 19 September 2013
YMCA--YOU ROCK
I did it. Totally stepped out of my comfort zone and spoke to between 50 to 100 people. I can't be certain as it took all of my effort to 'keep calm and carry on' and keep my head held high. Yours truly can now put "guest speaker" under her belt.
Again, I'm no expert on Autism... Wouldn't want to pretend I am either. Heaven forbid. Did I mention I'm no expert? But I am a mom, and co-founder of PACE (Parents Of Autistic Children Everywhere). And I'm happy, so very happy to have had the opportunity to meet all the wonderful people I call my friends through both PACE and Autism Diva Help. They are my family!
So, my friend Marni facebook messages a couple of us autism friends and asks if anyone would care to be a guest speaker and talk about autism in our lives to the YMCA staff of angels. I call these awesome people 'staff of angels' as these people take care of our most precious possessions in life - our babies. Not only do they look after and ensure our kids' safety, they WANTED to learn about autism. They came to LEARN what they could do to HELP our kids! Do you have any idea how rare that is?! Naturally, Mike tells me I should do it. Well, actually... he dares me. You know me and dares, how could I pass this up? I didn't really think that anyone would actually follow up with me...
In the 11 years of Dayton's life, I have never had a phone call from an organization asking if I could donate some of my time and talk to their staff of angels about autism. Not once. Until now. I was FLOORED.
I explained to everyone in the room that it was my first time speaking to an audience, never mind the large turnout I had to speak to. They heard what I had to say, they asked questions and took notes??? I am honoured to have shared three hours with these people, and I pray that what I had to share with them will be of some help in their work.
What could I have had to talk about you may ask... This is me we're talking about, and I have a lot to say. I spoke about consistency, and about picture schedules, about visual aids, organization and routine, routine, routine! I talked about how literal some of our kids can be and that before you know it, you're having two arguments in one, because our children are focused on either a technicality (I said red when it was brown) when the argument itself is of much greater importance than colour, or literal thinking (you're as fast as a bunny rabbit--I'm not a bunny rabbit!!!)
I brought samples or workbooks that I've been using at home for our kids, as our kids need to be taught most things, things don't naturally just come to them. And of course, I brought a magnet responsibility board for them to see in action. Most people that see it, LOVE it.
The most important information I shared with them was how parents feel, and to cut us some slack from time to time. We may not always show it, but we love the people who look after our kids and we appreciate more than they will ever know. It may not seem like it, but for those that look after our kids with kindness and really want to understand our kids, we could even say we love those people. I explained that we come into their day cares looking like hell sometimes, and may not smile, but it is no reflection on them. We may be rushed, but it isn't because we don't care enough to say 'hey, how was your day?' We're running out the door and doing it quick because we want to avoid a meltdown, either because our kids have a hard time with transition, or they have this obsession with pulling the fire alarm on their way out and we're not looking forward to the wrestling match preventing them from actually pulling it, or there's construction on the road on our way home that wasn't there yesterday, and change is upsetting to our kids, or, or, or... Or we've had a bad day at work because we got a phone call from school because little Johnny yet again swore in the classroom or disrupted the class with echolalia (repeating words without being able to use them; there are two types: immediate and delayed), or our child did something inappropriate (Dayton did a lot of that on a daily basis, but has progressed nicely the last two years, outgrowing some of his autistic traits, which gives me high hopes for his future--a lot of work and therapy, and most importantly--consistency and routine).
I was asked how I could handle having four of my children on the spectrum... Well, it helps that one is of age and moved in with grandpa, it really does. And as for the rest, I firmly believe God will never put any weight on your shoulders that your knees can't handle. I think that's why mine are so big. In fact, yes... I'm sure of it, LOL. Sorry, I'm not a fan of the teenage language, but am having to learn it because of my oldest... You know OMG, LOL, LMAO, ROFL. I've come up with some new ones... TDKM (Teenage drama is killing me) and my favourite DTD (do the dishes).
The hardest, most stressful, emotional, but most rewarding job in this world is being a parent. True happiness is the sound of my kids playing, laughing and even fighting, because when they're gone it's silent, and I miss the noise and want them home. This is even more true for those of us raising children on the autism spectrum. I love my babes!
I told them how much care takers mean to us. How we couldn't go to work without them, and without work, we couldn't afford the medication our kids need to be successful. I told them how much we love our kids... They make me laugh, they're silly, hyper and sometimes a complete mess, but they have the sweetest kisses and the strongest hugs. They are my world and I love them.
Until next time, consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
What could I have had to talk about you may ask... This is me we're talking about, and I have a lot to say. I spoke about consistency, and about picture schedules, about visual aids, organization and routine, routine, routine! I talked about how literal some of our kids can be and that before you know it, you're having two arguments in one, because our children are focused on either a technicality (I said red when it was brown) when the argument itself is of much greater importance than colour, or literal thinking (you're as fast as a bunny rabbit--I'm not a bunny rabbit!!!)
I brought samples or workbooks that I've been using at home for our kids, as our kids need to be taught most things, things don't naturally just come to them. And of course, I brought a magnet responsibility board for them to see in action. Most people that see it, LOVE it.
The most important information I shared with them was how parents feel, and to cut us some slack from time to time. We may not always show it, but we love the people who look after our kids and we appreciate more than they will ever know. It may not seem like it, but for those that look after our kids with kindness and really want to understand our kids, we could even say we love those people. I explained that we come into their day cares looking like hell sometimes, and may not smile, but it is no reflection on them. We may be rushed, but it isn't because we don't care enough to say 'hey, how was your day?' We're running out the door and doing it quick because we want to avoid a meltdown, either because our kids have a hard time with transition, or they have this obsession with pulling the fire alarm on their way out and we're not looking forward to the wrestling match preventing them from actually pulling it, or there's construction on the road on our way home that wasn't there yesterday, and change is upsetting to our kids, or, or, or... Or we've had a bad day at work because we got a phone call from school because little Johnny yet again swore in the classroom or disrupted the class with echolalia (repeating words without being able to use them; there are two types: immediate and delayed), or our child did something inappropriate (Dayton did a lot of that on a daily basis, but has progressed nicely the last two years, outgrowing some of his autistic traits, which gives me high hopes for his future--a lot of work and therapy, and most importantly--consistency and routine).
I was asked how I could handle having four of my children on the spectrum... Well, it helps that one is of age and moved in with grandpa, it really does. And as for the rest, I firmly believe God will never put any weight on your shoulders that your knees can't handle. I think that's why mine are so big. In fact, yes... I'm sure of it, LOL. Sorry, I'm not a fan of the teenage language, but am having to learn it because of my oldest... You know OMG, LOL, LMAO, ROFL. I've come up with some new ones... TDKM (Teenage drama is killing me) and my favourite DTD (do the dishes).
The hardest, most stressful, emotional, but most rewarding job in this world is being a parent. True happiness is the sound of my kids playing, laughing and even fighting, because when they're gone it's silent, and I miss the noise and want them home. This is even more true for those of us raising children on the autism spectrum. I love my babes!
I told them how much care takers mean to us. How we couldn't go to work without them, and without work, we couldn't afford the medication our kids need to be successful. I told them how much we love our kids... They make me laugh, they're silly, hyper and sometimes a complete mess, but they have the sweetest kisses and the strongest hugs. They are my world and I love them.
Until next time, consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Thursday, 4 July 2013
Lou Lovrin, An Autism Expert
I have been accused of being arrogant because I am the author of Autism Diva Help, therefore I consider myself an "expert" on autism. This accusation made me doubt myself and made me take a long, serious look at what I have accomplished through Autism Diva Help. Through many nights of prayer, I've come to the conclusion... drum roll please... As long as my children, friends, family, fellow autism parents and Mike and of course I know who I am, others' opinions are just background noise. And so, I will continue my work.
Not that most of you need me to clarify this, but I will for those who think me to be arrogant enough to believe I am an expert in autism... I AM NOT AN EXPERT IN AUTISM. Autism Diva Help is about MY life and the lives of autism parents who have shared THEIR experiences with me. Autism Diva Help exists for those who believe they are all alone and need to see that others like myself may be living with the same concerns for their children. It is my diary of research into schools and school divisions. I've met a number of people through Autism Diva Help that I would never had the chance to meet without my work. While I consider all of the people I've met through Autism Diva Help of great importance in my life, the most significant person I've met through my work is Mike. He's changed my life, showed me that I am worthy of love and respect and that I deserve to be treated like a princess, even on days where I am not at my best. And then there are the kids. I am now a mother figure to five children. I see the miracles of God every day when I look at my beautiful, talented children, and every day, I am blessed. I truly am blessed to be called "mom." I have the most wonderful children, they are my heart, my soul and my life.
An expert in autism... Is there such a person? Even professionals with their diplomas and decades of education and experience agree that if you meet one child with autism, you've done just that. You've met A child with autism. Autism is a Spectrum Disorder, it is a very large spectrum. No two children or adults with autism are the same. While they share similarities, they have different challenges. And while there are no 'experts' on autism, there are 'experts' on YOUR children. That expert is YOU. No one knows your child the way you know them, and the same goes for myself. I know my children, and I love them very much. There is little I wouldn't do for them. As their "mom," I also have a responsibility towards them, as do you to your children.
As dad (Paul) has taught me, consider yourselves hugged,
Lou and family
Not that most of you need me to clarify this, but I will for those who think me to be arrogant enough to believe I am an expert in autism... I AM NOT AN EXPERT IN AUTISM. Autism Diva Help is about MY life and the lives of autism parents who have shared THEIR experiences with me. Autism Diva Help exists for those who believe they are all alone and need to see that others like myself may be living with the same concerns for their children. It is my diary of research into schools and school divisions. I've met a number of people through Autism Diva Help that I would never had the chance to meet without my work. While I consider all of the people I've met through Autism Diva Help of great importance in my life, the most significant person I've met through my work is Mike. He's changed my life, showed me that I am worthy of love and respect and that I deserve to be treated like a princess, even on days where I am not at my best. And then there are the kids. I am now a mother figure to five children. I see the miracles of God every day when I look at my beautiful, talented children, and every day, I am blessed. I truly am blessed to be called "mom." I have the most wonderful children, they are my heart, my soul and my life.
An expert in autism... Is there such a person? Even professionals with their diplomas and decades of education and experience agree that if you meet one child with autism, you've done just that. You've met A child with autism. Autism is a Spectrum Disorder, it is a very large spectrum. No two children or adults with autism are the same. While they share similarities, they have different challenges. And while there are no 'experts' on autism, there are 'experts' on YOUR children. That expert is YOU. No one knows your child the way you know them, and the same goes for myself. I know my children, and I love them very much. There is little I wouldn't do for them. As their "mom," I also have a responsibility towards them, as do you to your children.
As dad (Paul) has taught me, consider yourselves hugged,
Lou and family
Friday, 24 May 2013
A School Division Is Only As Good As Their Weakest Teachers
Dayton has started a new school starting April 1st. We now live in the Seven Oaks School Division, and all I can say is WOW!!!
I'm not really sure what the deal is, it's either
a.) they know Mike (with 5 kids, 3 on the autism spectrum, everyone knows Mike... During Dayton's transition to another school meeting, everyone from the Seven Oaks School Division as well as the principal from the school Dayton will be attending in his middle years said "oh yes, we know the family well," and smiled a warm welcome; or
b.) they're amazingly awesome!!!
Either way, I'm tickled pink. Dayton's having really great days at school, coming home happy and smiling and when it's his turn at the dinner table to tell us about his favorite part of the day, he tells us "everything about today was awesome!" I LOVE IT!!!
Dayton LOVES his teacher. The relaxed atmosphere and laid back disposition of the school principal and his staff is so much different than what we've experienced in the past with school division 1, Louis Riel and school division 2. Dayton is thriving, and actually LEARNING! I'm absolutely amazed! The last school Dayton attended physically removed him from Social Studies as they didn't think Dayton would understand the subject and worked on his IEP goals, and this new school includes him, and he's LEARNING!!!
For example, during dinner time, I ask all of the kids to tell me about their favorite part of the day, as well as what they've learned 'today' they didn't know 'yesterday.' Dayton starts telling me about the talking circle he learned about at social studies. "Momma, did you know how the talking circle started?" I'm dumbfounded. What the heck is a talking circle, but rather than looking dumb and admitting to my son that I had no clue what he was talking about (although I think my chin dropping to the kitchen table didn't help in convincing him otherwise), I just asked him to explain what he learned. "When there was an 'issue' (holy crap, my son said issue...) or a problem, people would gather (yes, he used the word gather!!!) around in a circle, sit down and talk about it and come up with ideas how to fix the problem."
"Wow Dayton, that's great!"
"I know!"
On another occasion, Mr. Dayton was writing out math questions and answering them!!! No joke, true story! I was especially blown away when he came to me with his notebook and asked me to write a few math questions, especially some subtraction questions, which he wasn't able to do without manipulations in the past. Not only did he answer them correctly, but he solved them in his head or used his fingers!
I have received ZERO phone calls from Dayton's new school about bad behavior. In fact, after a rather difficult counseling session in which Dayton had a major meltdown about his biological father hurting him by lying to him a few times (I really wish Dayton would move past this issue with his dad... I keep trying to explain to him that forgiving his dad would actually help him too, not just his dad, but he won't listen to me), I stopped to speak to the principal. Explaining to him that Dayton may have a rough day at school and that he can call me on my cell phone if I wasn't home as I had the day off, he told me that they already have a game plan for Dayton that's worked for Dayton and not to worry. "A game plan? You mean he's had rough days?"
"I wouldn't call them rough, but he's had to leave the class room to settle down, and it's been dealt with here and I didn't think you needed to worry about it. We're more than happy to help him when he needs it, and he's more than happy to comply with our game plan."
Say what? Have I walked through some twilight zone? WOW!!!
Dayton has also learned how to cook as he likes to watch his teacher cook breakfast in the morning??? This is no joke - the boy is so good at cooking that he is now in charge of cooking our Saturday morning breakfast! The whole family looks forward to Saturday morning breakfast by Dayton, but I refuse to give up our Sunday morning french toast... That's my time!
A mother's treasure are her children. They are the gleam in her eye, the beat of her heart and the warmth of her breath. To her, they are her everything, and seeing all my kids go to school where they are truly including all of my babies, not just cosmetically, but genuinely including them, is the best feeling of all. My babies are being treated with respect and dignity. They are happy, and that's all that matters to this proud momma.
Unfortunately, it's taken me six years to get here, to finally find a school division I can trust with my babies. We are not all this fortunate. Stay tuned for my next blog piece about a father and his two sons, coming from another school division where the school actually had police waiting for him to come and pick up his children, and an officer escort them out of the school...
In the mean time, consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
I'm not really sure what the deal is, it's either
a.) they know Mike (with 5 kids, 3 on the autism spectrum, everyone knows Mike... During Dayton's transition to another school meeting, everyone from the Seven Oaks School Division as well as the principal from the school Dayton will be attending in his middle years said "oh yes, we know the family well," and smiled a warm welcome; or
b.) they're amazingly awesome!!!
Either way, I'm tickled pink. Dayton's having really great days at school, coming home happy and smiling and when it's his turn at the dinner table to tell us about his favorite part of the day, he tells us "everything about today was awesome!" I LOVE IT!!!
Dayton LOVES his teacher. The relaxed atmosphere and laid back disposition of the school principal and his staff is so much different than what we've experienced in the past with school division 1, Louis Riel and school division 2. Dayton is thriving, and actually LEARNING! I'm absolutely amazed! The last school Dayton attended physically removed him from Social Studies as they didn't think Dayton would understand the subject and worked on his IEP goals, and this new school includes him, and he's LEARNING!!!
For example, during dinner time, I ask all of the kids to tell me about their favorite part of the day, as well as what they've learned 'today' they didn't know 'yesterday.' Dayton starts telling me about the talking circle he learned about at social studies. "Momma, did you know how the talking circle started?" I'm dumbfounded. What the heck is a talking circle, but rather than looking dumb and admitting to my son that I had no clue what he was talking about (although I think my chin dropping to the kitchen table didn't help in convincing him otherwise), I just asked him to explain what he learned. "When there was an 'issue' (holy crap, my son said issue...) or a problem, people would gather (yes, he used the word gather!!!) around in a circle, sit down and talk about it and come up with ideas how to fix the problem."
"Wow Dayton, that's great!"
"I know!"
On another occasion, Mr. Dayton was writing out math questions and answering them!!! No joke, true story! I was especially blown away when he came to me with his notebook and asked me to write a few math questions, especially some subtraction questions, which he wasn't able to do without manipulations in the past. Not only did he answer them correctly, but he solved them in his head or used his fingers!
I have received ZERO phone calls from Dayton's new school about bad behavior. In fact, after a rather difficult counseling session in which Dayton had a major meltdown about his biological father hurting him by lying to him a few times (I really wish Dayton would move past this issue with his dad... I keep trying to explain to him that forgiving his dad would actually help him too, not just his dad, but he won't listen to me), I stopped to speak to the principal. Explaining to him that Dayton may have a rough day at school and that he can call me on my cell phone if I wasn't home as I had the day off, he told me that they already have a game plan for Dayton that's worked for Dayton and not to worry. "A game plan? You mean he's had rough days?"
"I wouldn't call them rough, but he's had to leave the class room to settle down, and it's been dealt with here and I didn't think you needed to worry about it. We're more than happy to help him when he needs it, and he's more than happy to comply with our game plan."
Say what? Have I walked through some twilight zone? WOW!!!
Dayton has also learned how to cook as he likes to watch his teacher cook breakfast in the morning??? This is no joke - the boy is so good at cooking that he is now in charge of cooking our Saturday morning breakfast! The whole family looks forward to Saturday morning breakfast by Dayton, but I refuse to give up our Sunday morning french toast... That's my time!
A mother's treasure are her children. They are the gleam in her eye, the beat of her heart and the warmth of her breath. To her, they are her everything, and seeing all my kids go to school where they are truly including all of my babies, not just cosmetically, but genuinely including them, is the best feeling of all. My babies are being treated with respect and dignity. They are happy, and that's all that matters to this proud momma.
Unfortunately, it's taken me six years to get here, to finally find a school division I can trust with my babies. We are not all this fortunate. Stay tuned for my next blog piece about a father and his two sons, coming from another school division where the school actually had police waiting for him to come and pick up his children, and an officer escort them out of the school...
In the mean time, consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
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