After months of contemplating and wishing I could go, I finally did it. I went to a MASE meeting. MASE (Moms of autism supporting eachother) is a small group of women who I thought had one thing in common: autism.
I almost bailed out as I am sick AGAIN... yes I know, Lou, get a flu shot already. But then Super Dad made me feel bad about not coming, and another autism mom told me I should still come, so I pulled on my big girl panties and headed out the door.
Turns out the table of fourteen people (two men were allowed to "infiltrate" the group this one time only; Super Dad and another Super Dad), had much more in common than autism. We also seemed to share the same side effects of autism I thought I was alone in... Wow...
I thought I was the only "autism" mom who endured my child's school staff calling CFS, the only autism mom who's child's principal called the police due to her child's choice of words or behaviour and the only autism mom who has been judged on her 'parenting skills' by school staff... Let me rephrase that: I felt judged by the school staff. Calling CFS to me seems like a judgement call...
I thought I was the only autism mom who sees the grocery store Nazis shaking their heads in disapproval when they see my boy sitting in the shopping cart, my boy who is almost ten and to tall to be sitting in a cart and still leave me room for groceries. I thought I was the only sniper!
I thought I was the only bad, bad autism mom who's been kicked out of McDonalds, the only bad, bad, very bad autism mom who's child got kicked out of daycare!
I'm not alone. Some moms told me stories much worse than mine, and they looked "normal." I didn't see the third eye I have growing out of my own forehead. You know the one people see growing out of yours when you try to explain your child's behavior? Yeah, that one!
These women looked real. They looked like anyone else. They didn't have a sign on their forehead with a bulls eye showing "autism mom." Very bad, bad, bad, bad, bad mom...
It was like walking into an AA meeting and seeing if you could pick out the alcoholic. No one looked the part. Oh my goodness...
Four out of the fourteen are Educational Assistants. Wow. I want to be just like them!
I found people just like me. Women that have had their hearts ripped apart by judgement calls made by people who just don't understand... People that should understand but don't. Who's fault is it? The question seemed to resonate through the table when the group was splitting up to go home. Three of us remained talking... Is it the teachers fault? The principals? The resource teachers? The guidance counsellors? Ahhhh... no, no... More on my thoughts on this on my next post, I promise. The point of this post is: WE'RE NOT ALONE!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Sunday, 20 November 2011
Thursday, 17 November 2011
Abused In School
Not everyone is meant to be a teacher or child care professional. You really need to have a love for children and truly enjoy seeing little people's light bulbs go off when they 'get' your lesson. I enjoyed this feeling with adults as a Pharmacy Technician Instructor at a local college, just didn't really enjoy marking the lengthy assignments and tests...
You can not view the little people as a burden. If you do, then you're definitely in the wrong place, not just for the children's sake, but your own. I imagine that when someone becomes abusive, it is because they've lost their 'self control,' and losing 'it' ain't pretty... You know the song "she ain't pretty" by the Northern Pikes? Yeah, that's what a teacher with no self control ends up looking like. All dressed nice and looking the part, but then she opens her mouth and pow! She ain't too pretty no more.
I've met a few of these not so pretty teachers in the last few years. Teachers and daycares. I think the worst incident I had with Dayton where he was abused by a worker was at River Road Child Care which is located in the St. Amant Centre. Here's a quote straight from their website at http://www.stamant.mb.ca/about-us:
You can see why I would think this was a fantastic place for my little guy! Wow! And speaking with the director of the daycare, I was told that yes, they would have no problems with Dayton. At the time, Dayton's diagnoses were ADHD and global developmental delays. I informed the director that Dayton was also being observed for autism. She assured me there would be no problems, didn't I know where I was? I was at St. Amant! I could not have chosen a better place on the world for my babe.
Here's some information on River Road Child Care located in the St. Amant Centre, again right off their website which you can find at: http://www.stamant.mb.ca/child-care:
Here's a link to the daycare's brochure: http://www.stamant.mb.ca/sites/default/files/River%20Road%20Child%20Care.pdf
So, you can see I did my homework before I decided to enlist their help in taking care of my babe's needs... They found a wonderful assistant to help Dayton throughout the day, who really bonded well with Dayton. We had become friends, play dates with our children were arranged. She's still a friend today. If it were not for her, I never would have found out what they did to my baby...
"Mamma, C hurt me."
"Dayton, how could you say something like that about C? She loves you, and she's like an auntie to you! She would never hurt you."
"Mamma, I no wanna go to deeeecare. Not like. C hurt me."
"Dayton, don't ever let me hear you talk about C like that again!!!"
And then the biting began. My boy had become a carnivore, and his appetite insatiable.... In roughly one month's time, he had bit C as well as other child care professionals a total of seven times. I was informed that Dayton either stopped biting or I would have to find another daycare. Daycares in Winnipeg are not easy to come by. I'm struggling without daycare for the last two years now... Talk about a financial oweeee! Anyways...
I made two crucial mistakes...
Mistake number one: Dayton tried to tell me he someone was hurting him, and I did NOT believe him.
Mistake number two: I didn't question WHY Dayton was becoming a carnivore...
ALL behaviour is COMMUNICATION. Dayton's communication skills were severely delayed, they still are. He was also five years old, functioning at about a three year old level. About half of his communication at age five for Dayton was PHYSICAL.
C called me and wanted to talk to me in person, without the kids present. Just the two of us. She told me, then because of my stunned look had to physically show me what was happening to my child at the hands of the director of the River Road Child Care... I can honestly tell you exactly what it feels like to have your heart ripped in half...
Dayton was forced to sit on the floor with his legs stretched straight in front of him in front of ALL the children at the daycare. Dayton was the example to the other children, treated like an animal. The director would sit behind him with her legs parallel to his, his back against her upper body. She then grabbed his wrists and pinned them behind his back. She put one of her legs across Dayton's upper legs or thighs in order to keep him rooted to the floor. With Dayton's arms stretched out tight, wrists pinned together in her hands, she lifted... she could have dislocated his shoulders!!! All Dayton could do was bite, it was his only defence!!! It seemed she didn't like being bit, so she made C do this to Dayton once a week, in front of EVERYBODY!!!
How painful was this for Dayton? How humiliating for my baby!!! He must have been so scared, so wounded, and he tried to tell me, he wanted me to protect and defend him and I didn't believe him... I let my baby down... Never, ever again will I take someone else's word over his, EVER.
After surviving this experience, I can honestly tell you exactly what it feels like to have your heart ripped in half... I went through four of the five stages of grief, missing only the 'bargaining' stage, which believe it or not, when I reached the anger stage, River Road Child Care tried to bargain with me. Their bargain? They would take Dayton back for one month while I searched for appropriate child care that could take care of his needs!!! What??? Over my dead body! My anger sky rocketed and I contacted the media. The story hit the air, and before it did, the daycare issued a letter to all parents who's children were taken care of at the daycare that I was an angry and desperate mother, and I would lie about their practice because I couldn't find daycare?! Whatever!
It took me every ounce of energy not to drive to the daycare and take matters into my own hands. The woman is lucky to be alive and well. Instead, I did an interview with Global TV, and had my 15 minutes three nights in a row, twice a night, warning everyone in Winnipeg NOT to enrol their child into River Road Child Care.
The province launched an investigation into the matter, and the director had to go back to school...
Come again Lou?
Yes, that's right. She got training which was covered by her employer... How fantastic is that?
Dayton is not the only child that has been abused by "professionals." It happens all the time. Our kiddos with special needs are like moving targets. Child care professionals, teachers and educational assistants are over worked and underpaid (not our problem, I know). Everyone, including the children are fantastic in September, but come December with Christmas holidays... tempers flare up, on both ends.
Here's the latest abuse story in school, this time recorded by a 15 year old, using his cell phone:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/16/julio-artuz-15-records-teacher-verbally-abusing_n_1097166.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
Dreadful. Sick. Demented... My heart splits in half again for this family...
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
You can not view the little people as a burden. If you do, then you're definitely in the wrong place, not just for the children's sake, but your own. I imagine that when someone becomes abusive, it is because they've lost their 'self control,' and losing 'it' ain't pretty... You know the song "she ain't pretty" by the Northern Pikes? Yeah, that's what a teacher with no self control ends up looking like. All dressed nice and looking the part, but then she opens her mouth and pow! She ain't too pretty no more.
I've met a few of these not so pretty teachers in the last few years. Teachers and daycares. I think the worst incident I had with Dayton where he was abused by a worker was at River Road Child Care which is located in the St. Amant Centre. Here's a quote straight from their website at http://www.stamant.mb.ca/about-us:
Founded by the Grey Nuns in 1931 as the St. Boniface Sanatorium, the Grey Nuns originally cared for patients with tuberculosis. The building was re-named the St. Vital Hospital in 1961.
Children with disabilities were first admitted to the St.Amant Ward in 1959. The organization was re-named St.Amant Centre in 1974 as the space became dedicated to meeting the needs of persons with developmental disabilities.
The Grey Nuns nurtured the physical, social, emotional and spiritual needs of every individual they cared for, laying the foundation for many generations of work to come. The Grey Nuns were strong advocates for the people they cared for and were determined to teach those who it was said could not be taught, to help children learn to walk who it was said would never walk. They helped each and every individual develop to the best of their abilities.The Grey Nuns were fearless leaders, unafraid to go against the grain or be defeated by the attitudes that prevailed toward those with developmental disabilities at the time. They provided direction and leadership of the organization into the 1990’s.
St.Amant is now the largest provider of community living services in Manitoba supporting individuals and their families with residential options, family care and outreach services. St.Amant also has a growing program for pre-school and school aged children with Autism.
You can see why I would think this was a fantastic place for my little guy! Wow! And speaking with the director of the daycare, I was told that yes, they would have no problems with Dayton. At the time, Dayton's diagnoses were ADHD and global developmental delays. I informed the director that Dayton was also being observed for autism. She assured me there would be no problems, didn't I know where I was? I was at St. Amant! I could not have chosen a better place on the world for my babe.
Here's some information on River Road Child Care located in the St. Amant Centre, again right off their website which you can find at: http://www.stamant.mb.ca/child-care:
We provide high-quality childcare in a warm, loving environment and promote the full development and well-being of all children with various needs and characteristics. We believe children have the right to be cared for in an atmosphere of warmth, acceptance, respect, love and laughter.
Our programming includes:
- Emergent and thematic curriculum
- Special events and field trips
- Gymnasium time
- Computer-assisted learning
- Inclusive approaches
- Natural external environment
- A scheduled, daily routine
So, you can see I did my homework before I decided to enlist their help in taking care of my babe's needs... They found a wonderful assistant to help Dayton throughout the day, who really bonded well with Dayton. We had become friends, play dates with our children were arranged. She's still a friend today. If it were not for her, I never would have found out what they did to my baby...
"Mamma, C hurt me."
"Dayton, how could you say something like that about C? She loves you, and she's like an auntie to you! She would never hurt you."
"Mamma, I no wanna go to deeeecare. Not like. C hurt me."
"Dayton, don't ever let me hear you talk about C like that again!!!"
And then the biting began. My boy had become a carnivore, and his appetite insatiable.... In roughly one month's time, he had bit C as well as other child care professionals a total of seven times. I was informed that Dayton either stopped biting or I would have to find another daycare. Daycares in Winnipeg are not easy to come by. I'm struggling without daycare for the last two years now... Talk about a financial oweeee! Anyways...
I made two crucial mistakes...
Mistake number one: Dayton tried to tell me he someone was hurting him, and I did NOT believe him.
Mistake number two: I didn't question WHY Dayton was becoming a carnivore...
ALL behaviour is COMMUNICATION. Dayton's communication skills were severely delayed, they still are. He was also five years old, functioning at about a three year old level. About half of his communication at age five for Dayton was PHYSICAL.
C called me and wanted to talk to me in person, without the kids present. Just the two of us. She told me, then because of my stunned look had to physically show me what was happening to my child at the hands of the director of the River Road Child Care... I can honestly tell you exactly what it feels like to have your heart ripped in half...
Dayton was forced to sit on the floor with his legs stretched straight in front of him in front of ALL the children at the daycare. Dayton was the example to the other children, treated like an animal. The director would sit behind him with her legs parallel to his, his back against her upper body. She then grabbed his wrists and pinned them behind his back. She put one of her legs across Dayton's upper legs or thighs in order to keep him rooted to the floor. With Dayton's arms stretched out tight, wrists pinned together in her hands, she lifted... she could have dislocated his shoulders!!! All Dayton could do was bite, it was his only defence!!! It seemed she didn't like being bit, so she made C do this to Dayton once a week, in front of EVERYBODY!!!
How painful was this for Dayton? How humiliating for my baby!!! He must have been so scared, so wounded, and he tried to tell me, he wanted me to protect and defend him and I didn't believe him... I let my baby down... Never, ever again will I take someone else's word over his, EVER.
After surviving this experience, I can honestly tell you exactly what it feels like to have your heart ripped in half... I went through four of the five stages of grief, missing only the 'bargaining' stage, which believe it or not, when I reached the anger stage, River Road Child Care tried to bargain with me. Their bargain? They would take Dayton back for one month while I searched for appropriate child care that could take care of his needs!!! What??? Over my dead body! My anger sky rocketed and I contacted the media. The story hit the air, and before it did, the daycare issued a letter to all parents who's children were taken care of at the daycare that I was an angry and desperate mother, and I would lie about their practice because I couldn't find daycare?! Whatever!
It took me every ounce of energy not to drive to the daycare and take matters into my own hands. The woman is lucky to be alive and well. Instead, I did an interview with Global TV, and had my 15 minutes three nights in a row, twice a night, warning everyone in Winnipeg NOT to enrol their child into River Road Child Care.
The province launched an investigation into the matter, and the director had to go back to school...
Come again Lou?
Yes, that's right. She got training which was covered by her employer... How fantastic is that?
Dayton is not the only child that has been abused by "professionals." It happens all the time. Our kiddos with special needs are like moving targets. Child care professionals, teachers and educational assistants are over worked and underpaid (not our problem, I know). Everyone, including the children are fantastic in September, but come December with Christmas holidays... tempers flare up, on both ends.
Here's the latest abuse story in school, this time recorded by a 15 year old, using his cell phone:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/16/julio-artuz-15-records-teacher-verbally-abusing_n_1097166.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
Dreadful. Sick. Demented... My heart splits in half again for this family...
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Wednesday, 16 November 2011
Volunteering In The School
I volunteered to help out with hot lunch today at Dayton's school. I've done it once last year and really liked seeing Dayton's classroom and his peers, watching them all interact together, like a whole separate little community. Parents rarely get the opportunity to see their kids in action, and if I get an opportunity, I'm all over it. I strongly recommend volunteering at your child's school if the opportunity presents itself.
My babe remembered I was coming to help out with the hot lunch today, and he came scampering down the hall to greet me, a big huge smile on his face, his arms stretched out to hug me. I love it when he wants to hug me! It's so rare to have him be affectionate, I take what I can get these days, and to see him not care what his peers thought about our affectionate exchange warmed my heart and made my day!
What a difference in classrooms from grade three to grade four. Bigger desks, and chairs that even I could sit in without feeling like a giant. Last year, sitting beside Dayton in one of 'em 'lil chairs, my feet and butt actually fell asleep, which was surprising since half my butt cheek spilled over the chair seat... Anyhow....
All the kids behaved super well! Every single one of them stayed in their seat until finished eating, obeyed the rules, and the educational assistant supervising the classroom during lunch stood at the head of the room, with a paper laying on the desk I was sitting at. The paper was there to write the names of kids who were disobedient. Not one name ended up on that paper.
I was thrilled to hear two of the assistants talking about never having a problem with Dayton! Wow! That's amazing! Either the school has new educational assistants this year, or they haven't heard of Dayton's past few years of constant suspensions... Either way, I don't care. All I care about is that my babe is doing well, he's not getting suspended and he's following the rules.
Hoping you're having as a good a day as I am, consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
My babe remembered I was coming to help out with the hot lunch today, and he came scampering down the hall to greet me, a big huge smile on his face, his arms stretched out to hug me. I love it when he wants to hug me! It's so rare to have him be affectionate, I take what I can get these days, and to see him not care what his peers thought about our affectionate exchange warmed my heart and made my day!
What a difference in classrooms from grade three to grade four. Bigger desks, and chairs that even I could sit in without feeling like a giant. Last year, sitting beside Dayton in one of 'em 'lil chairs, my feet and butt actually fell asleep, which was surprising since half my butt cheek spilled over the chair seat... Anyhow....
All the kids behaved super well! Every single one of them stayed in their seat until finished eating, obeyed the rules, and the educational assistant supervising the classroom during lunch stood at the head of the room, with a paper laying on the desk I was sitting at. The paper was there to write the names of kids who were disobedient. Not one name ended up on that paper.
I was thrilled to hear two of the assistants talking about never having a problem with Dayton! Wow! That's amazing! Either the school has new educational assistants this year, or they haven't heard of Dayton's past few years of constant suspensions... Either way, I don't care. All I care about is that my babe is doing well, he's not getting suspended and he's following the rules.
Hoping you're having as a good a day as I am, consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Tuesday, 15 November 2011
Good Morning Sunshine
Are you ready kids "Aye Aye Captain"
I Can't hear you "AYE AYE CAPTAIN"
Ohh...
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
"Spongebob Squarepants"
Absorbant and yellow and porous is he...
"Spongebob Squarepants"
If nautical nonsense be something you wish...
"Spongebob Squarepants"
Then flop on the deck and plop like a fish...
"Spongebob Squarepants"
READY???
Spongebob Squarepants
Spongebob Squarepants
Spongebob Squarepants
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!! AH AHH AHH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHH....
I Can't hear you "AYE AYE CAPTAIN"
Ohh...
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
"Spongebob Squarepants"
Absorbant and yellow and porous is he...
"Spongebob Squarepants"
If nautical nonsense be something you wish...
"Spongebob Squarepants"
Then flop on the deck and plop like a fish...
"Spongebob Squarepants"
READY???
Spongebob Squarepants
Spongebob Squarepants
Spongebob Squarepants
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!! AH AHH AHH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHH....
Yes, we watch way too much Spongebob squarepants in this house. It's Dayton's favourite. God help me the day they take it off air at 7:30am. Until then, it's Spongebob squarepants to the rescue. Every morning. EVERY MORNING!!!. Oh, don't forget every night at 7:30 again, so he can go to sleep. And then iCarly, although he probably would never admit it to his friends.
Red light, Green light every morning while waiting for the school bus. Did not go well this morning for me at all. I am soooooo tired. Not being able to sleep at night really, really sucks. I have Dayton's psychologist appointment this morning, so I really need to get my coffee buzz on. And no, this has nothing to do with it being my birthday yesterday. I spent the evening with my friend Shelley (who I might like to add is trying a starvation diet this week, consisting strictly of caffeine and cigarettes) and played Yahtzee until 7:30 pm, just in time for me to watch Spongebob Squarepants with Dayton for his bed time routine.
I do love my Yahtzee. Kicked her butt too. I am the Queen of Yahtzee!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Monday, 14 November 2011
Time For A New Me?
Between visiting with friends in Campbell River, BC and catching up with friends here in Winnipeg after my return from BC, then meeting Super Dad, I've been thinking about how people change. Am I the same person I was ten years ago? Definitely not! I was dating, and Dayton wasn't quite a twinkle in his daddy's eye. I was fit, working out religiously, cautious of my diet and even dabbled in body building... I had energy galore! And now...
Had a baby by C-section (surgery numero uno), then a hysterectomy and later a bi-lateral mastectomy with a tram-flap (a 16 hour medical surgery that took close to 20 hours)... My energy levels have depleted and my body shape is a whole lot different... I mean waaaaay different.
My friend Jen who had moved to BC in September has completely changed since I had seen her three months ago. Never really a 'big girl,' she now looks like a freaking super model! Mind you, she's 24 years old and has no kids, but still! She's completely changed her life and is actually so in love with hot yoga, she's decided to teach it! She's also become a vegetarian, which I think is awesome... I have an aversion to touching raw meat... a whole new story in itself...
Another friend, Kim, has lost over 75 lbs in less than a year! An amazing accomplishment! She looks fantastic!!! She made us supper one night during our stay in Campbell River, and I couldn't stop staring at her. I'm sure she thought I had changed too... not only wider in the hips but gone a little 'weird.' Sure didn't help that she wore these cute camouflage capri's with something spelled out in shiny diamond rhinestones on her behind... That was really distracting, as we all know how much I like pretty, shiny bling, never mind the fact that the size of her behind used to be twice the size it is now! She's lost the equivalent of a 6th grader people!!!
When I got home from BC, my friend picked me up at the airport... She had been losing weight for the last three months, and I couldn't believe how much more weight she had lost in the two weeks I had been gone... I went for walks with her and her kids and Dayton on bikes, roller blades and a third one walking with us... It was embarrassing! I was left in the dust with their family dog (an ankle biting mini poodle I jokingly call 'killer,' which the dog answers to now). I swear when I looked up in the sky I saw vultures circling up high above us, waiting for me to pass out beside the dog. I decided that walking outside was no longer an option and that indoor workouts would need to begin or I was OUT.
Finally, Super Dad. While I may have just met him, talking to him over a cup of coffee and listening to his story, he's gone through some major changes in life this past year himself. Some changes he had no choice in, like the loss of his beloved wife and becoming a single parent of five. Other changes he had partial control of, like knowing he was about to lose his job and deciding if it was going to happen, it would happen on his terms. And the change he had control of, his career. Changing careers from a produce manager to a teacher's assistant is a huge change! These two careers have absolutely nothing in common! But he's doing it. With a smile on his face. No gritting his teeth and no feeling sorry for himself about anything!
These three friends listed above have one thing in common... COURAGE.
It's my birthday today, and I'm thinking to myself 'am I happy with choices I've made in my life? Is there anything I can do to change what I don't like, my career, my health, my scope of influence? If so, do I have the courage to change?'
Is this what they call a mid life crisis? Maybe, but I can see where my life needs to change. I need a better 'balance' in my life. For the past five years I've been eating, breathing, drinking, dreaming autism, ADHD, OCD, ODD, PDD-NOS and global delays. I've been reading and now this past year writing about it. I'm not suggesting I stop any of it, I just need to find some time to myself to rejuvenate. I need some 'me' time, where I focus on what it is that I want and what I NEED. All this time I've thought how selfish it is to do anything for me and take that time away from Dayton, but I'm finally starting to realize that while I am taking care of every single one of Dayton's needs, I've neglected the most important one of all: giving Dayton a healthy, well rounded mom. Everyone deserves one of those, right?
"The true definition of insanity: Doing the same task over and over, and expecting a different outcome" - Albert Einstein
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Had a baby by C-section (surgery numero uno), then a hysterectomy and later a bi-lateral mastectomy with a tram-flap (a 16 hour medical surgery that took close to 20 hours)... My energy levels have depleted and my body shape is a whole lot different... I mean waaaaay different.
My friend Jen who had moved to BC in September has completely changed since I had seen her three months ago. Never really a 'big girl,' she now looks like a freaking super model! Mind you, she's 24 years old and has no kids, but still! She's completely changed her life and is actually so in love with hot yoga, she's decided to teach it! She's also become a vegetarian, which I think is awesome... I have an aversion to touching raw meat... a whole new story in itself...
 |
| Jen hiking with Dayton and I, and yes, there were vultures circling above me there too. |
Another friend, Kim, has lost over 75 lbs in less than a year! An amazing accomplishment! She looks fantastic!!! She made us supper one night during our stay in Campbell River, and I couldn't stop staring at her. I'm sure she thought I had changed too... not only wider in the hips but gone a little 'weird.' Sure didn't help that she wore these cute camouflage capri's with something spelled out in shiny diamond rhinestones on her behind... That was really distracting, as we all know how much I like pretty, shiny bling, never mind the fact that the size of her behind used to be twice the size it is now! She's lost the equivalent of a 6th grader people!!!
 |
| My weight loss guru, she's gorgeous! |
 |
| Not the best picture of Shelley, but she doesn't read my blog anyway... LOL!!! |
Finally, Super Dad. While I may have just met him, talking to him over a cup of coffee and listening to his story, he's gone through some major changes in life this past year himself. Some changes he had no choice in, like the loss of his beloved wife and becoming a single parent of five. Other changes he had partial control of, like knowing he was about to lose his job and deciding if it was going to happen, it would happen on his terms. And the change he had control of, his career. Changing careers from a produce manager to a teacher's assistant is a huge change! These two careers have absolutely nothing in common! But he's doing it. With a smile on his face. No gritting his teeth and no feeling sorry for himself about anything!
 |
| Unfortunately, the only picture I have of Super Dad... LOL |
It's my birthday today, and I'm thinking to myself 'am I happy with choices I've made in my life? Is there anything I can do to change what I don't like, my career, my health, my scope of influence? If so, do I have the courage to change?'
Is this what they call a mid life crisis? Maybe, but I can see where my life needs to change. I need a better 'balance' in my life. For the past five years I've been eating, breathing, drinking, dreaming autism, ADHD, OCD, ODD, PDD-NOS and global delays. I've been reading and now this past year writing about it. I'm not suggesting I stop any of it, I just need to find some time to myself to rejuvenate. I need some 'me' time, where I focus on what it is that I want and what I NEED. All this time I've thought how selfish it is to do anything for me and take that time away from Dayton, but I'm finally starting to realize that while I am taking care of every single one of Dayton's needs, I've neglected the most important one of all: giving Dayton a healthy, well rounded mom. Everyone deserves one of those, right?
"The true definition of insanity: Doing the same task over and over, and expecting a different outcome" - Albert Einstein
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Sunday, 13 November 2011
Super Dad, A Hero In My Eyes
Finally, I finally got a chance to meet my new hero, whom I will from now on refer to as Super Dad. He's earned the title. I know of no other man who is as selfless, warm and caring as this man.
Super Dad is a single father of five, that's right, FIVE children, three of which are biologically his, and the two youngest are his niece and nephew. Their ages range from seventeen to... drum roll please... three!!! Wow!!! I don't know where the man gets the energy to do it, but he does it and does it well. The three oldest are on the autism spectrum... Given these circumstances, Super Dad still finds the time to decorate his home and all of his front yard with Halloween decorations, and come Christmas, he'll do the same! He does this for his five children, bringing to mind the saying that there is a difference between a 'daddy' and a sperm donor. Sorry, I don't mean to sound so harsh, but I've met both, and the ones in between.
He's such a proud Super Dad! He even brought out pictures for me to see his kiddos. How embarrassing for me... I have tons of pictures of Dayton on my blackberry, but I forgot it on my trip home from BC, and it's in the mail, so I had none to show him... And here I think of myself as an awesome mom! Woops.
Raising five kids, Super Dad even finds time to keep a beautiful garden of flowers around his home. He showed me pictures of tiger lilies and other flowers, and I shamefully had to admit I have a black thumb. My plants have all died since I moved, including my cactus. How do you kill a cactus you may ask... Just bring it over to my home, I'll have it dead in a week.
Why am I raving about Super Dad? I have one child on the autism spectrum, ONE. I dread Halloween. A hyper boy to begin with, Dayton looks and behaves like a squirrel on acid with OCD when introduced to candy. Even his voice changes and he talks so fast I can hardly understand him. I have no energy to put up Halloween decorations. Christmas time is different. While I still don't have the energy, celebrating the birth of Christ is very important to me. There's no candy involved in my house other than baked cookies. I can handle that. How Super Dad does it with three on the autism spectrum is remarkable.
It gets better... Super Dad is changing careers... He's just recently got hired as an educational assistant. He's inspired me to take a look at this career choice myself. I love pharmacy, but I really want to make a change in someone's life. As Leo Tolstoy has said: "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing themself." Time to make a change within myself.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Super Dad is a single father of five, that's right, FIVE children, three of which are biologically his, and the two youngest are his niece and nephew. Their ages range from seventeen to... drum roll please... three!!! Wow!!! I don't know where the man gets the energy to do it, but he does it and does it well. The three oldest are on the autism spectrum... Given these circumstances, Super Dad still finds the time to decorate his home and all of his front yard with Halloween decorations, and come Christmas, he'll do the same! He does this for his five children, bringing to mind the saying that there is a difference between a 'daddy' and a sperm donor. Sorry, I don't mean to sound so harsh, but I've met both, and the ones in between.
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| Super Dad's Halloween work |
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| My favourite snap shot of Super Dad's handy work |
He's such a proud Super Dad! He even brought out pictures for me to see his kiddos. How embarrassing for me... I have tons of pictures of Dayton on my blackberry, but I forgot it on my trip home from BC, and it's in the mail, so I had none to show him... And here I think of myself as an awesome mom! Woops.
Raising five kids, Super Dad even finds time to keep a beautiful garden of flowers around his home. He showed me pictures of tiger lilies and other flowers, and I shamefully had to admit I have a black thumb. My plants have all died since I moved, including my cactus. How do you kill a cactus you may ask... Just bring it over to my home, I'll have it dead in a week.
Why am I raving about Super Dad? I have one child on the autism spectrum, ONE. I dread Halloween. A hyper boy to begin with, Dayton looks and behaves like a squirrel on acid with OCD when introduced to candy. Even his voice changes and he talks so fast I can hardly understand him. I have no energy to put up Halloween decorations. Christmas time is different. While I still don't have the energy, celebrating the birth of Christ is very important to me. There's no candy involved in my house other than baked cookies. I can handle that. How Super Dad does it with three on the autism spectrum is remarkable.
It gets better... Super Dad is changing careers... He's just recently got hired as an educational assistant. He's inspired me to take a look at this career choice myself. I love pharmacy, but I really want to make a change in someone's life. As Leo Tolstoy has said: "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing themself." Time to make a change within myself.
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| Super Dad without caffeine, LOL. Can you believe this guy is single ladies? Once you get past the mask, he's a heart breaker, I swear! LOL |
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Thursday, 10 November 2011
What Happened To The Boy From Campbell River?!
For those of you who know me, you know I love my son more than the air I breathe. Heck, he IS the air I breathe. Without him, I would not have gone through the surgeries that no doubt have saved my life. He gave me a reason to care about my life expectancy.
What I don't understand though is why, oh why he's changed... Let me explain.
As most children on the autism spectrum, Dayton hates change. Any kind of change will set him off, whether it be a good change or a bad change. Christmas, birthdays, Halloween... they're a nightmare in my home. Well, not completely. Christmas is very special to me and always will be, no matter what anyone's mood is. My point, excuse my Menopause brain, it's in full swing again today... My point is, that the recent two week stay of ours in BC went FANTASTIC. No meltdowns. No confusion, no freak outs. Dayton was a perfect angel. He was absolutely wonderful, even though our visit wasn't particularly meant as a vacation. He was sad his grandpa Jerry passed away, but behaved spectacularly.
It seems he was allergic to something or got a rash on his face due to the stress of a change. Taking him to a walk in clinic didn't help; the doctor had no clue what the problem was. Not wanting to chance allergies, he suggested I give Dayton Benadryl, something I had already done before he advised it. But he did suggest I give him an adult dose to see if it would be of more help since the children's dose had little to no affect.
Benadryl should have made Dayton drowsy, but it didn't. He functioned perfectly, wasn't drugged or sleepy. In fact, my boy was cool, calm and collected for most of our "visit", with the exception of bed time, which is typical for any nine year old. He complained that his rash was itchy and burned and that his eyes hurt, so I added children's Advil to his Benadryl regime. As long as he had his Benadryl every four hours and his Advil every six hours, he was pain and irritant free.
Once we got home and didn't need the Benadryl anymore, he went back to the Dayton I've known for the past nine years. Hyper, hyper, hyper! Fortunately, I haven't had any complaints from his school, but at home... Ugh. His inner motor's been cranked on high! He's lost all aim in the washroom, and I'm threatening to make him sit on the throne like a girl. He didn't have this problem in Campbell River, I thought he'd mastered his aim! We even celebrated with a freaking cake! What the heck?!
Yesterday morning the little turkey decided to pee in the waste basket beside the toilet! Just thinking about it is making me drive heave. There was pee around the toilet, in the waste basket... I literally blew a gasket. His aim's always been a wee bit off in the mornings, but not like this. And when I asked him about it, he had no answer. Of course, at first he claimed "I didn't do it". Jeez! I want to find this "I didn't do it" kid and claim him on my income tax... He also brings up this kid called "I don't know." I'll be calling Revenue Canada in the morning...
The stench of pee emanating from the waste basket was driving me insane, so I cleaned it, but held firm to stomaching the pee around the toilet for him to clean up after school. Of course he didn't like it and thought cleaning pee was "gross." He started crying, which made me feel bad for a split second until my gag reflex kicked in and made me dry heave again. Leaning over the sink dry heaving, I did my best to explain to him during the wee breaths I managed to take that it's not fair that I have to clean up his pee. "The M in MOM is for mom, not maid Dayton!"
"The S in SON is for son, not slave mamma."
I thought he didn't know how to spell! Well excuse me! I suppose I've used the mom argument for too many years. I wonder how long he's been thinking of the son argument. I didn't even know he knew what the word slave meant. I suppose I had it coming. He is, after all, my son.
As dad Paul has taught me, consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
What I don't understand though is why, oh why he's changed... Let me explain.
As most children on the autism spectrum, Dayton hates change. Any kind of change will set him off, whether it be a good change or a bad change. Christmas, birthdays, Halloween... they're a nightmare in my home. Well, not completely. Christmas is very special to me and always will be, no matter what anyone's mood is. My point, excuse my Menopause brain, it's in full swing again today... My point is, that the recent two week stay of ours in BC went FANTASTIC. No meltdowns. No confusion, no freak outs. Dayton was a perfect angel. He was absolutely wonderful, even though our visit wasn't particularly meant as a vacation. He was sad his grandpa Jerry passed away, but behaved spectacularly.
It seems he was allergic to something or got a rash on his face due to the stress of a change. Taking him to a walk in clinic didn't help; the doctor had no clue what the problem was. Not wanting to chance allergies, he suggested I give Dayton Benadryl, something I had already done before he advised it. But he did suggest I give him an adult dose to see if it would be of more help since the children's dose had little to no affect.
Benadryl should have made Dayton drowsy, but it didn't. He functioned perfectly, wasn't drugged or sleepy. In fact, my boy was cool, calm and collected for most of our "visit", with the exception of bed time, which is typical for any nine year old. He complained that his rash was itchy and burned and that his eyes hurt, so I added children's Advil to his Benadryl regime. As long as he had his Benadryl every four hours and his Advil every six hours, he was pain and irritant free.
Once we got home and didn't need the Benadryl anymore, he went back to the Dayton I've known for the past nine years. Hyper, hyper, hyper! Fortunately, I haven't had any complaints from his school, but at home... Ugh. His inner motor's been cranked on high! He's lost all aim in the washroom, and I'm threatening to make him sit on the throne like a girl. He didn't have this problem in Campbell River, I thought he'd mastered his aim! We even celebrated with a freaking cake! What the heck?!
Yesterday morning the little turkey decided to pee in the waste basket beside the toilet! Just thinking about it is making me drive heave. There was pee around the toilet, in the waste basket... I literally blew a gasket. His aim's always been a wee bit off in the mornings, but not like this. And when I asked him about it, he had no answer. Of course, at first he claimed "I didn't do it". Jeez! I want to find this "I didn't do it" kid and claim him on my income tax... He also brings up this kid called "I don't know." I'll be calling Revenue Canada in the morning...
 |
| I could understand if the toilet looked something like this... I wouldn't want to pee in it either! But this is NOT the case! |
"The S in SON is for son, not slave mamma."
I thought he didn't know how to spell! Well excuse me! I suppose I've used the mom argument for too many years. I wonder how long he's been thinking of the son argument. I didn't even know he knew what the word slave meant. I suppose I had it coming. He is, after all, my son.
As dad Paul has taught me, consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
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