A lot has happened since I last posted... and I apologize for not continue blogging for this past month, but I've been a little busy packing moving and keeping my sanity. Here's what's happening now...
To say that I'm exhausted is putting it mildly. Chaos doesn't even begin to describe what my life has become this past month and a half, my summer is gone and the new school year is about to begin. Where has time gone??? To the basement, literally...
Along with the titles of mother, housekeeper, cook, chauffeur, play mate, peace keeper, entertainer and nurse, you may now give me a well deserved title of carpenter AND painter. Yeah, that's right. I helped mud and paint the walls and I didn't even cry until the very last night when I stayed up until 2 am to paint, and until 3 am because I had to drive my girl home after she helped me finish painting.
The walls are up and painted, the bunk beds for the boys are set up, and our life with room mates begins...
We live in a large house, thank goodness as there are now two mothers, a 17 year old daughter, fifteen year old son with autism and ADHD, Dayton (ten years old with PDD-NOS, ADHD, global delays, OCD and ODD) and a 9 year old son, who's sharing the basement and bunking Dayton.
To say Dayton is struggling with the changes happening in our lives is putting it mildly. Glen has left for work to another province for six weeks, and the boy is going through daddy withdrawals. While I make sure Dayton gets to talk to his dad every day, it's just not the same as being able to see him and hang out with him. Dayton's extremely hyper, unable to focus, angry, stubborn, and becoming more and more self focused every day. Life is all about him now days, and it's driving everyone around us crazy.
Rules, rules and more rules. Dayton has many rules including what game to play and when with our new room mates and then to top it all off, in the midst of a game, he has a routine to follow and the rest of the kids best follow suit or lose their heads. Even my dear Lisa who's worked with Dayton for nearly 3 months now has tried her best to explain to the kids that Dayton is not used to sharing and that even at home he would play his playstation game in his bedroom while his dad played in the living room on line with him (dad's idea, not Dayton's, one of the many reasons I've had enough of our lives and decided to move).
Even through all the chaos, there is some good news in my health. My blood pressure, without any blood pressure medication has stabilized. Wow. If I had any self doubts as to whether I've made the right decision of moving, they're all gone now. I physically feel so much better, a wee bit tired from all the work behind us, and the work looming ahead of us, but I look forward to my new life.
Another change for my new life: I start my new job today. And yes, I'm working at another Shoppers Drug Mart pharmacy... I'm a Shoppers girl, till death do us part. I love my job and the company I work for. Selling drugs legally has it's benefits :)
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Showing posts with label OCD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label OCD. Show all posts
Monday, 20 August 2012
Saturday, 14 April 2012
By The Grace Of God, I Survived!!! I'm Alive!!!
I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive... The pain screaming on the left side of my body and the ringing in my left ear, the pins and needles on the left side of my face and the occasional drool out of the corner of the left side of my mouth tell me that I'm alive.
I survived a potentially deadly car crash this past Tuesday morning. Everything happened in slow motion, I saw it coming, felt the impact and there was nothing I could do other than pray to God to take care of my son. I thought to myself: "This is it." I honestly didn't think I would survive.
But God has different plans for me. Either that or He's just not ready for me to sit at His table in His house. I'll admit, I'm a handful... Or my prayer was heard and He thought I was the best person to take care of Dayton. Whatever His reason is, I am a grateful servant.
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| Glen seeing the car damage for the first time |
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| Back driver's side door... where Dayton would have sat... |
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| The passenger side door... I must have blacked out here, because I don't remember how this happened; not that takes TALENT! |
Oh, and I made the news... http://winnipeg.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20120410/wpg_broadway_sherbrook_crash_120410/20120410/?hub=WinnipegHome
As faithful as I am to bringing awareness to autism (by the way, did you know the whole month of April is AUTISM AWARENESS month? That's why you'll be seeing more autism related poems this month on Autism Diva Help.), my mind was NOT on autism...
A parent with a child on the autism spectrum pretty much lives, breathes, eats, digests, drinks and sleeps autism. We read books on the subject, go to coffee with other parents of children on the autism spectrum for support, check out facebook autism pages, research autism on the internet, look for autism news, head to doctor and specialist appointments, school meetings and behavioural or psychologist appointments, wait in pharmacies for our kid's prescriptions, etc... We learn a whole new vocabulary relating to autism behaviour, therapy and diets, etc... We really are in a different world from the average parent.
This last Tuesday morning, just before 9:30am, the very last thing on my mind was autism. I know, right? Hard to believe the Diva strayed from her obsession!
My mind was on Dayton. Not Dayton with autism, not Dayton with OCD, not Dayton with ADHD, not Dayton's global delays and his IEP or ODD, his wait watch and wonder therapy, his child psychologist appointment this coming week, or his latest report card showing black on white just how far behind he is from the rest of his grade 4 class... My mind was simply on Dayton, my beloved son. Dayton, the air I breathe, the beautiful sunshine in my life, Dayton who saved my life a few times already in his short life. Dayton, the reason I get up every morning, Dayton, the reason I'm alive. His smile, his eyes, his sense of humour, his dimpled cheek... I love him so much!!!
Autism or no autism, I cherish my son. I can not imagine my life without him.
The car accident literally knocked me out. When I came to, all I thought was Dayton. And panic ceased my body and mind, and I screamed out his name, thinking he should have been sitting in the car with me. I screamed at the paramedics to find my son, shoved at the fire men trying to rescue me from my car (they had to cut my driver's side door open to get me out), until someone asked me if Dayton could possibly be in school???
Yes, yes, I remember him taking the school bus and waving an embarrassed good bye to me... You know the one where he's trying to please me, but not wanting his friends to see him love his mom, because that's just NOT cool.
OK, fine. The Diva lost her mind temporarily, that's not the first time and it certainly won't be the last. Knowing my babe was safe, I allowed the firemen to ease my body out of the vehicle, put the stupid neck brace on after lying my body on their uncomfortable board to ensure my spine was aligned and then off to the hospital.
I kept asking the fireman who calmed me down at the accident to call Glen or call Dayton's school to make sure Dayton was there and safe, and to get Glen to call someone to pick Dayton up from school in case I wasn't home on time. Finally, my rescuer called Glen, and I could relax... Dayton would be taken care of and I could just relax my body. What a huge mistake that was... That's when the pain really hit me... But it was all right, as long as I got to see my babe again, I would take all the pain in the world.
I haven't stopped cuddling with my son. I don't care how much he doesn't like to be touched or hugged, I'm not letting go. I'm loving my son, and no one can stop me, not even Autism.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
Hmmmm... Why Not Just Castrate Them?
All right, I'll admit it. Perhaps the title is a wee bit drama queen'ish, but I am after all a DIVA. That's why our blog is called Autism DIVA Help. A little help for you, a little help for me, and everyone gets a hug at the end of the post. Yes, even the men. You may now uncross your legs. I'm not on a man hating mission, I'm on a man SAVING mission.
That's right, the Diva is wanting to save men, you read it right. I know... shocking as you probably think I hate men with a passion. This is not true, I love men. This is why I have so much trouble with them. My son is a male, so to hate men would mean I hate my son, and y'all know that could be farther from the truth. Also, my "dad" Paul Humphreys has been a blessing in my life, and is one of the most amazing people I have had the pleasure of knowing. And he's a man.
Let's get to the point.
Schools and society are emasculating our sons and I'm sick of it.
A little harsh? I don't think so.
Remember when we were kids? I do. I was a tom boy, and my mom and dad were far from rich. They owned their own home. That's where the money ended. They both worked their butts off, day and night. As a result, I had to learn how to cook (burn food would describe it far better) at an early age.
Did I ever play house? Yup, sure did. Did I play with barbies? Yup, my neighbour had two and she shared hers with me. I had a bike, thanks to my grandma Barcic, and a deflated soccer ball. We lived across a large field, and that's where I played soccer with the neighbourhood kids. Soccer and... wait for it...
Cowboys and Indians. Cops and Robbers. Partisans and Nazi's. Growing up in communist Slovenija, World War II was talked about often. Especially Tito. Anyways... my point is that we pretended to shoot each other. If we didn't have toy guns (which was my case), we (I) picked up a stick and pretended it was a rifle or gun. "Ratatatapow."
Have I shot a real rifle? Yes, my dad taught me when I was 8 years old. Have I killed anyone when I grew up? NOPE. I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about it. I once held a pillow over Glen's face when he slept, but the gurgling made me feel guilty and I quit (KIDDING!!!... or am I???). Have I threatened to kill anyone? NOPE. Do I own a gun? NOPE. Have I brought a gun to school or my work place? (I can almost hear my past employers holding their breath... wonder if I should answer this one...)? Relax, NOPE. Have I thought of shooting an employer, co-worker, ex boyfriends, ex friends, etc? NOPE. Sure haven't. (Is that a sigh of relief I hear?) Am I a violent person? NOPE. Just keep your distance from my son and I'll behave like a perfect lady. Even when a daycare and school physically abused my son, I didn't lay a finger on anyone responsible for hurting my babe. This is where you need to go back to the beginning of this paragraph where I say I've thought about killing someone, or at the very least, maiming someone.
Nowadays, boys are not allowed to play or pretend to play with guns anymore. Video games depicting guns are frowned upon. I don't know how many times Dayton's school insinuated that I was an unfit parent because Dayton's father "exposed" him to violent video games. Isn't it funny how that works? Glen does it, I get blamed for it. I even have a copy of Dayton's level III funding application where the guidance counsellor states that I EXPOSED DAYTON TO VIOLENT VIDEO GAMES... made Dayton's home a "hostile environment" during a difficult time in my marriage... among other things... Ugh...
Nowadays, our boys are expected to sit pretty at their desks at school the whole day, unless of course it's time to hit the gym. And if your child fits on the autism spectrum... or has ADHD... prepare to receive the worst parent's award of the month, every month.
I remember sitting through a service in which the pastor stopped his sermon and addressed his congregation. He said: "gentlemen, let's face it. We all married 'up.' Ladies, please, bear with your husbands. There is scientific proof that the human fetus, up until about six to seven weeks after conception is technically FEMALE. After the said six to seven weeks, the embryo that has inherited the 'Y' chromosome endures a hormonal bath which actually damages their brain and alters its structure. You could say we're brain damaged ladies!!!"
The hormone the pastor talked about is called testosterone. Testosterone is the hormone responsible for social dominance. All throughout history, even the caveman days, it was the male that was the dominant force in society, not the female. The men went out and hunted, fought for territory, were builders, made weapons, fought wars and physically protected what was theirs. The women were the maintainers and caretakers of their home and family.
Hormones dictate how we relate to each other. Numerous experts believe boys are more assertive, take risks, fight, argue, and their determination to live on the edge of disaster is linked to testosterone AND to the way their brain has been altered during their hormonal bath in utero. It is also responsible for boys' desire from a very, very early age (toddler hood) to be the toughest, bravest, rootin-shootin hombre in the west. Or the strongest soldier fighting for our freedom. This is the way GOD made them!!!
I am NOT a fan of guns, at least not now as an adult. Would I prefer my son be passive and sit all day to make my life easier? Absolutely. There are days where I'd just like to RELAX... But let's face it. Boys are not born to sit around. They're meant to run, jump, play recklessly, wrestle, and be loud. Now let's add PDD-NOS, ADHD, OCD and ODD to the mix. Booyah! There is NO rest, PERIOD. Autism is pretty much family traits intensified by 100. So, Dayton's a boy (which means he's naturally not able to sit around as it is) with autism (holly crap, hang on tight and fasten your seat belts, because we gotta multiply the squirminess by 100). Let's not forget Dayton's OCD... meaning he perseverates over things like guns... and being a boy... and SpongeBob... and missing the toilet... grrr...
What is the alternative here? Shave his legs, put him in a dress and call him Daytona? NOT!!! Have my boy 'snipped?' NOT!!!
Whether I like it or not, whether the school system likes it or not, my boy is ALL BOY. So are the other boys out there. Short of castrating them so they stop producing testosterone, there is nothing else for us to do but to ACCEPT the fact that they are BOYS. And we need our boys!!!
Have you ever googled emasculation of men? I dare you. It's all about castration. In a sense, this is what society is doing to our kids, but expecting boys to behave like GIRLS!!!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
That's right, the Diva is wanting to save men, you read it right. I know... shocking as you probably think I hate men with a passion. This is not true, I love men. This is why I have so much trouble with them. My son is a male, so to hate men would mean I hate my son, and y'all know that could be farther from the truth. Also, my "dad" Paul Humphreys has been a blessing in my life, and is one of the most amazing people I have had the pleasure of knowing. And he's a man.
Let's get to the point.
Schools and society are emasculating our sons and I'm sick of it.
A little harsh? I don't think so.
Remember when we were kids? I do. I was a tom boy, and my mom and dad were far from rich. They owned their own home. That's where the money ended. They both worked their butts off, day and night. As a result, I had to learn how to cook (burn food would describe it far better) at an early age.
Did I ever play house? Yup, sure did. Did I play with barbies? Yup, my neighbour had two and she shared hers with me. I had a bike, thanks to my grandma Barcic, and a deflated soccer ball. We lived across a large field, and that's where I played soccer with the neighbourhood kids. Soccer and... wait for it...
Cowboys and Indians. Cops and Robbers. Partisans and Nazi's. Growing up in communist Slovenija, World War II was talked about often. Especially Tito. Anyways... my point is that we pretended to shoot each other. If we didn't have toy guns (which was my case), we (I) picked up a stick and pretended it was a rifle or gun. "Ratatatapow."
Have I shot a real rifle? Yes, my dad taught me when I was 8 years old. Have I killed anyone when I grew up? NOPE. I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about it. I once held a pillow over Glen's face when he slept, but the gurgling made me feel guilty and I quit (KIDDING!!!... or am I???). Have I threatened to kill anyone? NOPE. Do I own a gun? NOPE. Have I brought a gun to school or my work place? (I can almost hear my past employers holding their breath... wonder if I should answer this one...)? Relax, NOPE. Have I thought of shooting an employer, co-worker, ex boyfriends, ex friends, etc? NOPE. Sure haven't. (Is that a sigh of relief I hear?) Am I a violent person? NOPE. Just keep your distance from my son and I'll behave like a perfect lady. Even when a daycare and school physically abused my son, I didn't lay a finger on anyone responsible for hurting my babe. This is where you need to go back to the beginning of this paragraph where I say I've thought about killing someone, or at the very least, maiming someone.
Nowadays, boys are not allowed to play or pretend to play with guns anymore. Video games depicting guns are frowned upon. I don't know how many times Dayton's school insinuated that I was an unfit parent because Dayton's father "exposed" him to violent video games. Isn't it funny how that works? Glen does it, I get blamed for it. I even have a copy of Dayton's level III funding application where the guidance counsellor states that I EXPOSED DAYTON TO VIOLENT VIDEO GAMES... made Dayton's home a "hostile environment" during a difficult time in my marriage... among other things... Ugh...
Nowadays, our boys are expected to sit pretty at their desks at school the whole day, unless of course it's time to hit the gym. And if your child fits on the autism spectrum... or has ADHD... prepare to receive the worst parent's award of the month, every month.
I remember sitting through a service in which the pastor stopped his sermon and addressed his congregation. He said: "gentlemen, let's face it. We all married 'up.' Ladies, please, bear with your husbands. There is scientific proof that the human fetus, up until about six to seven weeks after conception is technically FEMALE. After the said six to seven weeks, the embryo that has inherited the 'Y' chromosome endures a hormonal bath which actually damages their brain and alters its structure. You could say we're brain damaged ladies!!!"
The hormone the pastor talked about is called testosterone. Testosterone is the hormone responsible for social dominance. All throughout history, even the caveman days, it was the male that was the dominant force in society, not the female. The men went out and hunted, fought for territory, were builders, made weapons, fought wars and physically protected what was theirs. The women were the maintainers and caretakers of their home and family.
Hormones dictate how we relate to each other. Numerous experts believe boys are more assertive, take risks, fight, argue, and their determination to live on the edge of disaster is linked to testosterone AND to the way their brain has been altered during their hormonal bath in utero. It is also responsible for boys' desire from a very, very early age (toddler hood) to be the toughest, bravest, rootin-shootin hombre in the west. Or the strongest soldier fighting for our freedom. This is the way GOD made them!!!
I am NOT a fan of guns, at least not now as an adult. Would I prefer my son be passive and sit all day to make my life easier? Absolutely. There are days where I'd just like to RELAX... But let's face it. Boys are not born to sit around. They're meant to run, jump, play recklessly, wrestle, and be loud. Now let's add PDD-NOS, ADHD, OCD and ODD to the mix. Booyah! There is NO rest, PERIOD. Autism is pretty much family traits intensified by 100. So, Dayton's a boy (which means he's naturally not able to sit around as it is) with autism (holly crap, hang on tight and fasten your seat belts, because we gotta multiply the squirminess by 100). Let's not forget Dayton's OCD... meaning he perseverates over things like guns... and being a boy... and SpongeBob... and missing the toilet... grrr...
What is the alternative here? Shave his legs, put him in a dress and call him Daytona? NOT!!! Have my boy 'snipped?' NOT!!!
Whether I like it or not, whether the school system likes it or not, my boy is ALL BOY. So are the other boys out there. Short of castrating them so they stop producing testosterone, there is nothing else for us to do but to ACCEPT the fact that they are BOYS. And we need our boys!!!
Have you ever googled emasculation of men? I dare you. It's all about castration. In a sense, this is what society is doing to our kids, but expecting boys to behave like GIRLS!!!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Tuesday, 29 November 2011
Positive Things Can Happen Once You Accept Your Child's Diagnos-is/es
A wonderful autism mom had posted this question to the Autism Winnipeg Facebook Wall:
"What do you think is the best thing that has happened to you because your child was diagnosed with autism?"
Excuse me?!
Good question! When I first read the question, I could have spat in the woman's face for asking it in the first place. What the hell do you mean?! All these appointments that I keep having to have in order to take care of my child's autism, the failure of being to teach him when I can teach adults from a foreign country 800 chemicals in their generic and brand names... holly crap, yeah, I feel like I've failed my son... Lets not forget the judging people all around me, telling me if I only disciplined Dayton better... The teachers who have man handled my baby because my baby was not "complying." My anger was getting seriously out of control, trying to remember where I stored the baseball bat from our summer play... but then... I thought about her question, and how my personality has changed since Dayton's diagnoses, for the better (yes, I know, how ironic since I was just looking for my baseball bat, right?! Don't judge people, I'm sure you've all been there yourself).
I sat myself down after having a traumatic evening with Dayton being sick. He came home from school, sat at the dining room table to eat his supper and wham! Started puking like there was no tomorrow. Now, I know I'm no master chef, but seriously kid, I do the best I can! You've survived for ten years with my burned toast and charcoal soup cooking, you should have an iron stomach by now...
Sitting back with a nice glass of shiraz (teachers, educational assistants, school division, better than thou people - back away from the phone and DO NOT call CFS; they said I'm within my rights to live a normal life.) to settle the nerves AFTER Dayton was in bed asleep, I thought about this autism mom's question again...
Hmmmm.... Life before PDD-NOS (high functioning autism), ADHD, ODD, OCD, global developmental delays... You know that Nytol commercial where the husband gives his wife the Nytol and tells her "it's like life before we had kids..." and you see the woman waking up in the morning in a beautiful white bed with red rose petals and gorgeous hair? Hmmmmm... Life was really never quite that good, but man was it good!
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| Hair before Dayton... |
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| Hair after... |
Dayton's diagnoses cured me of that shyness... Now I'm a loud mouthed red neck (with perfect teeth and good grammar, those things are really important to me). A total change over my dear friends. I say it like it is and be done with it. No beating around the bush. I either like you or I don't. If I love you, I love you passionately. I don't play games. I tell you what I think, I yell at you if I think you've deserved it, and I cry when you hurt my feelings, sometimes right in front of you. I am real, honest, sincere and have no edit filter. I am what I am said Sam I am. In order to advocate for Dayton and his rights, I've had to let go of that quiet, shy girl and become the suave red neck I am today.
I used to be afraid of pain. Any kind of pain. Emotional, physical... I have a mutant gene that causes breast and ovarian cancer. I didn't want to go through the pain of surgery and the embarrassment of a mastectomy; of not having nipples and be a road map of scar tissue and not be attractive to a man ever again.
Dayton's diagnoses changed all that. I don't care if you don't like what you see, turn the other cheek. My son taught me to survive, and live my life to the fullest. Dayton's courage to deal with his own challenges gave me the courage and drive to be a survivor myself. Besides, I wanna live to see my baby's babies. Now I'm not afraid of pain, or piercings... a whole other story.
Until last summer, I used to be a nice and sweet, never hurt your feelings kind of girl. I'd give you the shirt off my back, even if it meant I would be exposed for all to see in my glorious embarrassment. I always had put myself on the back burner and put everyone ahead of me. I never wanted to disappoint anyone around me, even if it meant that to make others happy, I would be miserable.
Hmmmm.... Dayton's diagnoses did change some of this, but I'm still working on some of it... I still care very much about peoples needs, but I've come to a limit of self preservation, which is a very important thing to do. Sometimes we can help others too much. I need to remind myself of that. Sometimes people take advantage of my good nature, which naturally ticks me right off. I'm kind of going through that right now with my supposed best friend. Um hum... Not going there tonight.
I used to pity people with a handicap or disability. Dayton's diagnoses changed that too. I now have a respect and admiration for people with a disability. They are my heroes... How many times has a stranger said: "I'm so sorry" when I tell them of Dayton's autism... or well meaning friends "I don't know how you do it Lou..." Well, how do you think Dayton does it? How do you think the handicapped man across the street does it? That's what's truly amazing, isn't it?
Finally, I used to look at Dayton as a child. Now I see him in a new light... He's my teacher. Dayton sees things in a whole different way, he thinks outside the proverbial box our employers continually beg us to. He is AMAZING...
So, I'm dying to hear... I WANT TO KNOW, SO TELL ME: What do you think is the best thing that has happened to you because your child was diagnosed with autism?
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Monday, 14 November 2011
Time For A New Me?
Between visiting with friends in Campbell River, BC and catching up with friends here in Winnipeg after my return from BC, then meeting Super Dad, I've been thinking about how people change. Am I the same person I was ten years ago? Definitely not! I was dating, and Dayton wasn't quite a twinkle in his daddy's eye. I was fit, working out religiously, cautious of my diet and even dabbled in body building... I had energy galore! And now...
Had a baby by C-section (surgery numero uno), then a hysterectomy and later a bi-lateral mastectomy with a tram-flap (a 16 hour medical surgery that took close to 20 hours)... My energy levels have depleted and my body shape is a whole lot different... I mean waaaaay different.
My friend Jen who had moved to BC in September has completely changed since I had seen her three months ago. Never really a 'big girl,' she now looks like a freaking super model! Mind you, she's 24 years old and has no kids, but still! She's completely changed her life and is actually so in love with hot yoga, she's decided to teach it! She's also become a vegetarian, which I think is awesome... I have an aversion to touching raw meat... a whole new story in itself...
Another friend, Kim, has lost over 75 lbs in less than a year! An amazing accomplishment! She looks fantastic!!! She made us supper one night during our stay in Campbell River, and I couldn't stop staring at her. I'm sure she thought I had changed too... not only wider in the hips but gone a little 'weird.' Sure didn't help that she wore these cute camouflage capri's with something spelled out in shiny diamond rhinestones on her behind... That was really distracting, as we all know how much I like pretty, shiny bling, never mind the fact that the size of her behind used to be twice the size it is now! She's lost the equivalent of a 6th grader people!!!
When I got home from BC, my friend picked me up at the airport... She had been losing weight for the last three months, and I couldn't believe how much more weight she had lost in the two weeks I had been gone... I went for walks with her and her kids and Dayton on bikes, roller blades and a third one walking with us... It was embarrassing! I was left in the dust with their family dog (an ankle biting mini poodle I jokingly call 'killer,' which the dog answers to now). I swear when I looked up in the sky I saw vultures circling up high above us, waiting for me to pass out beside the dog. I decided that walking outside was no longer an option and that indoor workouts would need to begin or I was OUT.
Finally, Super Dad. While I may have just met him, talking to him over a cup of coffee and listening to his story, he's gone through some major changes in life this past year himself. Some changes he had no choice in, like the loss of his beloved wife and becoming a single parent of five. Other changes he had partial control of, like knowing he was about to lose his job and deciding if it was going to happen, it would happen on his terms. And the change he had control of, his career. Changing careers from a produce manager to a teacher's assistant is a huge change! These two careers have absolutely nothing in common! But he's doing it. With a smile on his face. No gritting his teeth and no feeling sorry for himself about anything!
These three friends listed above have one thing in common... COURAGE.
It's my birthday today, and I'm thinking to myself 'am I happy with choices I've made in my life? Is there anything I can do to change what I don't like, my career, my health, my scope of influence? If so, do I have the courage to change?'
Is this what they call a mid life crisis? Maybe, but I can see where my life needs to change. I need a better 'balance' in my life. For the past five years I've been eating, breathing, drinking, dreaming autism, ADHD, OCD, ODD, PDD-NOS and global delays. I've been reading and now this past year writing about it. I'm not suggesting I stop any of it, I just need to find some time to myself to rejuvenate. I need some 'me' time, where I focus on what it is that I want and what I NEED. All this time I've thought how selfish it is to do anything for me and take that time away from Dayton, but I'm finally starting to realize that while I am taking care of every single one of Dayton's needs, I've neglected the most important one of all: giving Dayton a healthy, well rounded mom. Everyone deserves one of those, right?
"The true definition of insanity: Doing the same task over and over, and expecting a different outcome" - Albert Einstein
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Had a baby by C-section (surgery numero uno), then a hysterectomy and later a bi-lateral mastectomy with a tram-flap (a 16 hour medical surgery that took close to 20 hours)... My energy levels have depleted and my body shape is a whole lot different... I mean waaaaay different.
My friend Jen who had moved to BC in September has completely changed since I had seen her three months ago. Never really a 'big girl,' she now looks like a freaking super model! Mind you, she's 24 years old and has no kids, but still! She's completely changed her life and is actually so in love with hot yoga, she's decided to teach it! She's also become a vegetarian, which I think is awesome... I have an aversion to touching raw meat... a whole new story in itself...
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| Jen hiking with Dayton and I, and yes, there were vultures circling above me there too. |
Another friend, Kim, has lost over 75 lbs in less than a year! An amazing accomplishment! She looks fantastic!!! She made us supper one night during our stay in Campbell River, and I couldn't stop staring at her. I'm sure she thought I had changed too... not only wider in the hips but gone a little 'weird.' Sure didn't help that she wore these cute camouflage capri's with something spelled out in shiny diamond rhinestones on her behind... That was really distracting, as we all know how much I like pretty, shiny bling, never mind the fact that the size of her behind used to be twice the size it is now! She's lost the equivalent of a 6th grader people!!!
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| My weight loss guru, she's gorgeous! |
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| Not the best picture of Shelley, but she doesn't read my blog anyway... LOL!!! |
Finally, Super Dad. While I may have just met him, talking to him over a cup of coffee and listening to his story, he's gone through some major changes in life this past year himself. Some changes he had no choice in, like the loss of his beloved wife and becoming a single parent of five. Other changes he had partial control of, like knowing he was about to lose his job and deciding if it was going to happen, it would happen on his terms. And the change he had control of, his career. Changing careers from a produce manager to a teacher's assistant is a huge change! These two careers have absolutely nothing in common! But he's doing it. With a smile on his face. No gritting his teeth and no feeling sorry for himself about anything!
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| Unfortunately, the only picture I have of Super Dad... LOL |
It's my birthday today, and I'm thinking to myself 'am I happy with choices I've made in my life? Is there anything I can do to change what I don't like, my career, my health, my scope of influence? If so, do I have the courage to change?'
Is this what they call a mid life crisis? Maybe, but I can see where my life needs to change. I need a better 'balance' in my life. For the past five years I've been eating, breathing, drinking, dreaming autism, ADHD, OCD, ODD, PDD-NOS and global delays. I've been reading and now this past year writing about it. I'm not suggesting I stop any of it, I just need to find some time to myself to rejuvenate. I need some 'me' time, where I focus on what it is that I want and what I NEED. All this time I've thought how selfish it is to do anything for me and take that time away from Dayton, but I'm finally starting to realize that while I am taking care of every single one of Dayton's needs, I've neglected the most important one of all: giving Dayton a healthy, well rounded mom. Everyone deserves one of those, right?
"The true definition of insanity: Doing the same task over and over, and expecting a different outcome" - Albert Einstein
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Thursday, 22 September 2011
Serenity For You And I
How many of us would like to feel serenity in our daily lives? Especially those of us with kiddos on the autism spectrum? How often do we miss the coming of spring, and driving down the road we one day notice that the trees have grown leaves? I've done this many, many seasons of spring. Each year I drive down the road, notice the leaves and wonder to myself: "how did I miss this miracle? Where the heck was I and how did this happen?" Each fall I wonder: "ummmm, why is it so cold all of a sudden?"
This is a sure sign that I'm under stress, very busy, and need to stop and "smell the roses." Funny, because my home still needs cleaning, the dishes are never ending, and I haven't seen the floor of my laundry room in ages. Until, that is, this past spring, and this new fall season. Since being off work from February, I actually did get to see the buds come out on the trees, and now I'm enjoying my favorite season of all - fall. But my home still looks like a hurricane came rushing through it. I'm no Molly home maker. Can't bake either. I'm going to make a horrible grandmother one day, if God wills it. But it really isn't my fault, you see I'm only half OCD. Because by the time I'm getting halfway done with something, my ADD kicks in and I've got nothing done. Today just happens to be the day that my OCD and ADD don't want to get along, so needless to say, I still have a messy home to clean. It's so bad... I thought I saw a big huge bird flying off my roof tonight, but it was the cleaning fairy screaming "oh hell no!!!" Oh well, there's always tomorrow.
Then there are the days where my OCD and ADD actually do get along, and ADD decides to take a break. This usually happens when I'm outside playing with Dayton. Then a bossy, mouthy child decides to ruin my boy's play time, which raises my stress level as I can see Dayton using his monotone language, which means he's not happy anymore, and he could strike out at a the nincompoop little brat who can't keep his mouth shut. It's always the same kid. I wish he'd just step on his lego and fall already. The kid reminds me of an angry little chihuahua: Yippy, snappy, annoying as hell, must have his own way and mark his territory, and all I wanna do is slap him. Dayton always beats me to it though. And than chihuahua's daddy gets upset with ME. Every time. "Well jeez buddy, he keeps coming back for more. Maybe if you taught him some manners, this wouldn't happen all the time."
"Your kid's the one with autism."
"Yes, and your son has an anger management problem, what yours again?"
"You need an attitude adjustment."
"I don't have an attitude, I have an extraordinary vocabulary that you can't possibly comprehend."
"Your kid's the one with autism."
"See what I mean? We've gone through this already. Yes, so Dayton has autism, if he didn't, than I suppose you would chalk up his slapping your son as 'boys will be boys,' right? Your kid is angry and calls Dayton names. I think he's the one in need of an attitude adjustment. And the next time you approach me, you need to ask yourself: Did she take her meds yet? Because I haven't today, and as you can see, I'm feeling pretty feisty."
"That sounds threatening, I don't like the tone of your voice."
"Well, wash my mouth out with chocolate."
"You're rude!"
"Some call it rude and disrespectful, but I call it choosing to stand up for me and my babe."
So, even though my life is quite less hectic this past year, I still have urges to smack stupid people. I do try to use little words to explain Dayton to them, and sometimes I even pull the crayons and paper out, since some of them prefer pictures. But there are days where I witness soooo much stupid, my brain cells want to commit suicide. And this 'dad,' is one of them. I've held my tongue for so long, I finally just blew up and let him have it. My dad would call this "stink'n thinking patterns" or STP. Every time I get cranky with someone, I think of how dad would be so disappointed in me...
Normally though, I do try to reserve myself and say the serenity prayer. For those of you that don't know it, here it is...
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I can not change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Although most widely known in its abbreviated form above, the entire prayer reads as follows:
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking as He did this sinful world,
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.
I know that saying the abbreviated serenity prayer has kept me calm in the past. I need to start saying it more often on a daily basis. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time. In other words, enjoying the buds in the spring, and the change of color in leaves in the fall...
May our Heavenly Father grace you with serenity,
Lou
This is a sure sign that I'm under stress, very busy, and need to stop and "smell the roses." Funny, because my home still needs cleaning, the dishes are never ending, and I haven't seen the floor of my laundry room in ages. Until, that is, this past spring, and this new fall season. Since being off work from February, I actually did get to see the buds come out on the trees, and now I'm enjoying my favorite season of all - fall. But my home still looks like a hurricane came rushing through it. I'm no Molly home maker. Can't bake either. I'm going to make a horrible grandmother one day, if God wills it. But it really isn't my fault, you see I'm only half OCD. Because by the time I'm getting halfway done with something, my ADD kicks in and I've got nothing done. Today just happens to be the day that my OCD and ADD don't want to get along, so needless to say, I still have a messy home to clean. It's so bad... I thought I saw a big huge bird flying off my roof tonight, but it was the cleaning fairy screaming "oh hell no!!!" Oh well, there's always tomorrow.
Then there are the days where my OCD and ADD actually do get along, and ADD decides to take a break. This usually happens when I'm outside playing with Dayton. Then a bossy, mouthy child decides to ruin my boy's play time, which raises my stress level as I can see Dayton using his monotone language, which means he's not happy anymore, and he could strike out at a the nincompoop little brat who can't keep his mouth shut. It's always the same kid. I wish he'd just step on his lego and fall already. The kid reminds me of an angry little chihuahua: Yippy, snappy, annoying as hell, must have his own way and mark his territory, and all I wanna do is slap him. Dayton always beats me to it though. And than chihuahua's daddy gets upset with ME. Every time. "Well jeez buddy, he keeps coming back for more. Maybe if you taught him some manners, this wouldn't happen all the time."
"Your kid's the one with autism."
"Yes, and your son has an anger management problem, what yours again?"
"You need an attitude adjustment."
"I don't have an attitude, I have an extraordinary vocabulary that you can't possibly comprehend."
"Your kid's the one with autism."
"See what I mean? We've gone through this already. Yes, so Dayton has autism, if he didn't, than I suppose you would chalk up his slapping your son as 'boys will be boys,' right? Your kid is angry and calls Dayton names. I think he's the one in need of an attitude adjustment. And the next time you approach me, you need to ask yourself: Did she take her meds yet? Because I haven't today, and as you can see, I'm feeling pretty feisty."
"That sounds threatening, I don't like the tone of your voice."
"Well, wash my mouth out with chocolate."
"You're rude!"
"Some call it rude and disrespectful, but I call it choosing to stand up for me and my babe."
So, even though my life is quite less hectic this past year, I still have urges to smack stupid people. I do try to use little words to explain Dayton to them, and sometimes I even pull the crayons and paper out, since some of them prefer pictures. But there are days where I witness soooo much stupid, my brain cells want to commit suicide. And this 'dad,' is one of them. I've held my tongue for so long, I finally just blew up and let him have it. My dad would call this "stink'n thinking patterns" or STP. Every time I get cranky with someone, I think of how dad would be so disappointed in me...
Normally though, I do try to reserve myself and say the serenity prayer. For those of you that don't know it, here it is...
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I can not change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Although most widely known in its abbreviated form above, the entire prayer reads as follows:
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking as He did this sinful world,
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.
I know that saying the abbreviated serenity prayer has kept me calm in the past. I need to start saying it more often on a daily basis. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time. In other words, enjoying the buds in the spring, and the change of color in leaves in the fall...
May our Heavenly Father grace you with serenity,
Lou
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