By The Grace Of God, I Survived!!! I'm Alive!!!

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive...  The pain screaming on the left side of my body and the ringing in my left ear, the pins and needles on the left side of my face and the occasional drool out of the corner of the left side of my mouth tell me that I'm alive.

I survived a potentially deadly car crash this past Tuesday morning.  Everything happened in slow motion, I saw it coming, felt the impact and there was nothing I could do other than pray to God to take care of my son.  I thought to myself:  "This is it."  I honestly didn't think I would survive.  

But God has different plans for me.  Either that or He's just not ready for me to sit at His table in His house.  I'll admit, I'm a handful...  Or my prayer was heard and He thought I was the best person to take care of Dayton.  Whatever His reason is, I am a grateful servant.  

Glen seeing the car damage for the first time

Back driver's side door...  where Dayton would have sat...

The passenger side door...  I must have blacked out here, because I don't remember how this happened; not that takes TALENT!

Oh, and I made the news...  http://winnipeg.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20120410/wpg_broadway_sherbrook_crash_120410/20120410/?hub=WinnipegHome

As faithful as I am to bringing awareness to autism (by the way, did you know the whole month of April is AUTISM AWARENESS month?  That's why you'll be seeing more autism related poems this month on Autism Diva Help.), my mind was NOT on autism...  

A parent with a child on the autism spectrum pretty much lives, breathes, eats, digests, drinks and sleeps autism.  We read books on the subject, go to coffee with other parents of children on the autism spectrum for support, check out facebook autism pages, research autism on the internet, look for autism news, head to doctor and specialist appointments, school meetings and behavioural or psychologist appointments, wait in pharmacies for our kid's prescriptions, etc...  We learn a whole new vocabulary relating to autism behaviour, therapy and diets, etc...  We really are in a different world from the average parent.  

This last Tuesday morning, just before 9:30am, the very last thing on my mind was autism. I know, right?  Hard to believe the Diva strayed from her obsession!  

My mind was on Dayton.  Not Dayton with autism, not Dayton with OCD, not Dayton with ADHD, not Dayton's global delays and his IEP or ODD, his wait watch and wonder therapy, his child psychologist appointment this coming week, or his latest report card showing black on white just how far behind he is from the rest of his grade 4 class...  My mind was simply on Dayton, my beloved son.  Dayton, the air I breathe, the beautiful sunshine in my life, Dayton who saved my life a few times already in his short life.  Dayton, the reason I get up every morning, Dayton, the reason I'm alive.  His smile, his eyes, his sense of humour, his dimpled cheek...  I love him so much!!!

Autism or no autism, I cherish my son.  I can not imagine my life without him.  

The car accident literally knocked me out.  When I came to, all I thought was Dayton.  And panic ceased my body and mind, and I screamed out his name, thinking he should have been sitting in the car with me.  I screamed at the paramedics to find my son, shoved at the fire men trying to rescue me from my car (they had to cut my driver's side door open to get me out), until someone asked me if Dayton could possibly be in school???  

Yes, yes, I remember him taking the school bus and waving an embarrassed good bye to me...  You know the one where he's trying to please me, but not wanting his friends to see him love his mom, because that's just NOT cool.  

OK, fine.  The Diva lost her mind temporarily, that's not the first time and it certainly won't be the last.  Knowing my babe was safe, I allowed the firemen to ease my body out of the vehicle, put the stupid neck brace on after lying my body on their uncomfortable board to ensure my spine was aligned and then off to the hospital.  

I kept asking the fireman who calmed me down at the accident to call Glen or call Dayton's school to make sure Dayton was there and safe, and to get Glen to call someone to pick Dayton up from school in case I wasn't home on time.  Finally, my rescuer called Glen, and I could relax...  Dayton would be taken care of and I could just relax my body.  What a huge mistake that was...  That's when the pain really hit me...  But it was all right, as long as I got to see my babe again, I would take all the pain in the world.  

I haven't stopped cuddling with my son.  I don't care how much he doesn't like to be touched or hugged, I'm not letting go.  I'm loving my son, and no one can stop me, not even Autism.  

Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Wanted: An Exorcism For My Butt

My butt needs an exorcism.  This is not a joke.  I'm in pain.  It hurts to sit, and it hurts to lie down.  Why you may ask.  Because Big Momma had a wee bit too much fun.  No, really.  PACE's first Kid Gymboree happened this past Tuesday.  And it's gonna happen again.

It appears my body is made of muscle that just so happens to be covered in this sheet of bumpy 'adipose tissue' to protect the delicate structure of my gorgeous muscles, especially my six pack stomach.  Oh yes, and around the hips...  Who am I kidding, my arms, legs, heck... even my fingers and toes.

SuperDad literally flew ever so gracefully around the gym, while your's truly kept tripping over her own feet.  At one point I thought taking my shoes off would be a good idea...  Remember Bambi on ice?  Yup, now picture a hippo...  that was me on the gym floor, playing badminton with the girls. They kicked my butt.  Literally.

The most important thing to me was that the kids had FUN!  We had the whole autism spectrum there, all age groups, from four years old to 13.  We even had a really cute respite worker there, compliments of a fellow autism mom who brought her cutie pie son and daughter with her.

We played hockey, basketball, badminton, put puzzles together and just ran around the gym.  There was lots of laughter, lots of action, and SMILES!!!  There's nothing more gratifying than a child's genuine smile.  It just makes me melt.  Their smiles tell me that the pain I'm going through now is worth it, and I can hardly wait to get into the gym again.

It's all worth it.  Look at them!!!

I wanted to go next...

At one point, little Johnny snatched a puzzle piece from me because I was taking too long...

SuperDad plays ball with his girl

Jonathan Toews???  Why, yes...  he's my daddy!  LOL

Looks like I'm not getting a turn...  LOL

I've killed Lou's butt, your turn SuperDad!

Putting together a 3D puzzle...  The girls were super at this!!!

Holla hoops!

Can we combine hockey with medicine ball?!

Hoola hooped out!

If you know of a butt exorcist, please send them my way.

PACE Kid's gymboree meets every Tuesday from 6:30pm till 8pm.  For more information, check out www.pacewithasd.com.


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

On The Mend

It's been an uphill battle with my kidney stone issue.  The little bugger got blasted two weeks ago today, and let me tell you, I don't wish this pain on my worst enemy, not even on the people who have discriminated against my boy.  I've passed some of the broken stone since my lithotripsy procedure (a whole new world of pain there), but there is still a chunk left in my left ureter.  The little bugger won't go away even after being pulverized.  A true pain in the side like this deserves a name of its own...  I think I'll call it Glenda.

Anyways...  thank God for grandparents.  I had been hospitalized for nearly a week, so Dayton had to go spend some time with grandma Karen and grandpa Hans.  Glen, Dayton's daddy, forgot to give Dayton his medication for two nights in a row, then calls me at the hospital to ask me what he should do.  After giving him advice, he decided to do the complete opposite of what I told him to do.  Wonderful.  Mental note:  mothers are not allowed to get sick.

When I tried to explain my home situation to Doogie Howser MD, and how Dayton needs his momma to get home ASAP, and that Dayton doesn't really care if I'm in pain or feeling sick, or am taking a naked jog through a busy mall on Boxing Day slapping people in the head screaming "you are healed,"...  His needs don't stop, so neither can I.  "Give me some pain meds and send me home, fix me already!!!" The young pup of a urologist looked at me as though I had a third eye growing out of my forehead.

I am home now, and I thank you all who have been kind enough to email me with your concern about the inactive state of Autism Diva Help.  I apologize for neglecting my readers.  I'm feeling a bit better and feel my mind is a wee bit clearer without the fog of pain medications.


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Enough Is Enough

Enough.  I've just had enough.  It's easier to build a wall, dig a moat and add alligators and a running stream then it is for the school to care for my child.  As much as I'm going to miss my afternoon naps, my health is declining and I just can't handle anymore.  I've decided to pull Dayton out of school for the rest of the year and keep him safe and happy. 

Perhaps I'm taking the easy way out, but it is only one week of school he's missing, and I think it's the best I can do for my son.  The school obviously has no structure as the end of the school year is fast approaching, and my little man needs structure.  Without structure, Dayton doesn't know what to do with himself.  His assistant has one speed - slow, and Dayton views him as a buddy rather than as an authority figure.  Dayton's aid is super kind and gentle with Dayton, wonderful qualities you very rarely see in a man.  The problem is he has no control over my son.  Dayton is fully in control and in charge of their every move.  He's able to take lunch items from other students, the teacher's desk, the resource teacher's desk, the office staff, etc...  I've replaced them all, and now, due to yesterday's incident (see post titled Ugh!!!  For The Love Of God!!!), I've decided I just can't trust the staff to keep an eye on my babe.

I again received a phone call from the principal, this time giving me the option to either pay the teacher's $200.00 autopac deductible, or pay $50.00 for her friend to fix the dent Dayton accidentally bestowed on her brand new vehicle.  So here I'm thinking "I can not afford your kind of care.  What will Dayton do next that his aid can not put a stop to?"  I just simply can not take the chance of being held responsible for something I can not afford to replace.  Furthermore, I'm not allowed to be at the school every day to ensure Dayton doesn't destroy something, accidentally or intentionally.  So if I'm not there to take care of him, and his aid is not there to ensure everyone's safety, WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CHILD and his behavior?  I'm confused about being confused about confusing things that confuse me!

It's not just that this is costing me money.  It's been the last month of non stop phone calls and notes sent home, telling me Dayton took another child's pop, chocolate bar, the teacher's apple, another child's juice box...  Here's my last response to the school of the last note I got from the teacher, asking me to replace things Dayton took from others:

Good morning Mrs.  A,

Last Thursday, Mrs. D's note in Dayton's agenda asked if it would be possible for me to replace:
M's Kool aid jammer (blue raspberry), Fruit go go strips, and another child's mini crispie chocolate bar. 

I'm really not trying to be difficult, but this is becoming difficult for me.

While I can appreciate the effort your staff is making in having Dayton replace items he takes from other students, I respectfully ask that your staff look at my view.  Dayton has taken an apple from his teacher's desk, a pop from the resource teacher's desk, candies, and just recently has taken a pop from another student, and a juice box from someone else, etc (these items have all been replaced)...  Dayton is not learning the lesson your staff is trying to teach.  Dayton has a full time aid, who should be sitting with him during the lunch period.  I am no longer replacing lunch or other items.  If Dayton's lunch period's aid is not able to sit with him, then perhaps it's time I come and sit with Dayton during lunch period myself.  There is also another option.  There is only another week and a half left of this school year.  If the staff is unable to sit with Dayton to ensure he behaves, maybe it's time for his summer break to begin now? 

Let me know your thoughts.   

Lou

So you see, I've already given the school the option of pulling Dayton out of school, or coming to the school myself.  The Principal's reply to me was that she understood my concern and that she would take care of the issue.  I was not to worry about it.  So this last incident with Dayton accidentally damaging a vehicle, shows me that the aid is slower than a herd of turtles strolling through molasses.  That's not the Principal's fault. Yet I am still held accountable as Dayton's momma.

Let's hope this is the last email communication I have with the school:

Hi M,

I've had some time to think and talk about this incident with Dayton after your call to me this afternoon.  Dayton has told me that he was not allowed to join his classmates today and had to spend the whole day in the office as a result of what you had told me was an "accident," and you and Mr. J felt that Dayton did not intentionally throw the yo-yo at Mrs. J's car.  Dayton agrees with your impression of the incident.  Furthermore, Mrs. J approached Dayton in the hallway and told him what he did yesterday wasn't very nice.  Dayton tried to explain to her that he didn't do this intentionally and that it was an accident.  She told him to not do it again?  He is very upset about this interaction with your teacher, and was crying when he greeted me as I walked him home from the bus stop. 




I'm very sorry the school year ended this way for Dayton as well as yourself.  I wish you the best of luck in your retirement, and hope to see you come back as Dayton's aid.  As I've said before, you and I may not agree on everything, but I do respect the way you are with my son.  You have a way with Dayton no one else has had, and have him produce work.


In case we don't see each other again, I wish you luck, happiness and health in your future. 

Lou


The principal called me minutes from receiving my email, explaining that Dayton was removed from the classroom not for yesterday's incident, but because Dayton and another little guy needed a break from each other.  I'm thinking why is it always Dayton being removed from the classroom, why hasn't the other boy been sent out?  If there's a problem with one boy, why is Dayton not allowed to speak to the rest of the classroom,  but I just can't find the energy to fight.  She also tells me how it is not the school's policy for children not to bring toys to school.  So I'm thinking again, 'OK, so this is just a policy for Dayton?'  Again, I just don't have the energy to argue.  I'm in too much pain, my kidney's ready to explode and the more upset I get, the sicker I feel.  She assures me Mrs. J did not speak to Dayton, but it really doesn't matter anymore.  My son barely ever cries.  He's just to selfish and too much of a boy to cry.  So when he cries, I know there's a serious problem.  There comes a time where I just have to believe what my child says is true.  As fantastic as the principal is, she's not God and can't possibly know every detail of everyone's day.  Dayton had nothing to gain by telling me his conversation with Mrs. J.  He wanted to be comforted by his momma, which again, seldom happens.  

So, I went to the bank, pulled out the $50.00 and delivered it to the school.  Dayton's things were packed and ready for me to take home, saving me time and patience.  Dayton got to see his aid and principal and said his good byes.  It was a bitter sweet moment for me, as Dayton hugged his principal and aid, although he was happy not to return to school.  Now we can focus on each other, do some school work at home, visit the library and read books he's interested in.  I don't have to worry about any damage he may cause for me to be held responsible, or worry about potential incidents because of the unstructured final days of school.  Summer's begun!

Hello??  Yes-I will have a super size double shot mocha Valium and Percocet latte to go please!!  I need something for the nerves and the pain in my back side, literally.  No pun intended, it really is the kidney stone...


Consider yourselves hugged, and maybe say a prayer for my summer's insanity!


Lou