A lot has happened since I last posted... and I apologize for not continue blogging for this past month, but I've been a little busy packing moving and keeping my sanity. Here's what's happening now...
To say that I'm exhausted is putting it mildly. Chaos doesn't even begin to describe what my life has become this past month and a half, my summer is gone and the new school year is about to begin. Where has time gone??? To the basement, literally...
Along with the titles of mother, housekeeper, cook, chauffeur, play mate, peace keeper, entertainer and nurse, you may now give me a well deserved title of carpenter AND painter. Yeah, that's right. I helped mud and paint the walls and I didn't even cry until the very last night when I stayed up until 2 am to paint, and until 3 am because I had to drive my girl home after she helped me finish painting.
The walls are up and painted, the bunk beds for the boys are set up, and our life with room mates begins...
We live in a large house, thank goodness as there are now two mothers, a 17 year old daughter, fifteen year old son with autism and ADHD, Dayton (ten years old with PDD-NOS, ADHD, global delays, OCD and ODD) and a 9 year old son, who's sharing the basement and bunking Dayton.
To say Dayton is struggling with the changes happening in our lives is putting it mildly. Glen has left for work to another province for six weeks, and the boy is going through daddy withdrawals. While I make sure Dayton gets to talk to his dad every day, it's just not the same as being able to see him and hang out with him. Dayton's extremely hyper, unable to focus, angry, stubborn, and becoming more and more self focused every day. Life is all about him now days, and it's driving everyone around us crazy.
Rules, rules and more rules. Dayton has many rules including what game to play and when with our new room mates and then to top it all off, in the midst of a game, he has a routine to follow and the rest of the kids best follow suit or lose their heads. Even my dear Lisa who's worked with Dayton for nearly 3 months now has tried her best to explain to the kids that Dayton is not used to sharing and that even at home he would play his playstation game in his bedroom while his dad played in the living room on line with him (dad's idea, not Dayton's, one of the many reasons I've had enough of our lives and decided to move).
Even through all the chaos, there is some good news in my health. My blood pressure, without any blood pressure medication has stabilized. Wow. If I had any self doubts as to whether I've made the right decision of moving, they're all gone now. I physically feel so much better, a wee bit tired from all the work behind us, and the work looming ahead of us, but I look forward to my new life.
Another change for my new life: I start my new job today. And yes, I'm working at another Shoppers Drug Mart pharmacy... I'm a Shoppers girl, till death do us part. I love my job and the company I work for. Selling drugs legally has it's benefits :)
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Showing posts with label global delays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label global delays. Show all posts
Monday, 20 August 2012
Thursday, 17 November 2011
Abused In School
Not everyone is meant to be a teacher or child care professional. You really need to have a love for children and truly enjoy seeing little people's light bulbs go off when they 'get' your lesson. I enjoyed this feeling with adults as a Pharmacy Technician Instructor at a local college, just didn't really enjoy marking the lengthy assignments and tests...
You can not view the little people as a burden. If you do, then you're definitely in the wrong place, not just for the children's sake, but your own. I imagine that when someone becomes abusive, it is because they've lost their 'self control,' and losing 'it' ain't pretty... You know the song "she ain't pretty" by the Northern Pikes? Yeah, that's what a teacher with no self control ends up looking like. All dressed nice and looking the part, but then she opens her mouth and pow! She ain't too pretty no more.
I've met a few of these not so pretty teachers in the last few years. Teachers and daycares. I think the worst incident I had with Dayton where he was abused by a worker was at River Road Child Care which is located in the St. Amant Centre. Here's a quote straight from their website at http://www.stamant.mb.ca/about-us:
You can see why I would think this was a fantastic place for my little guy! Wow! And speaking with the director of the daycare, I was told that yes, they would have no problems with Dayton. At the time, Dayton's diagnoses were ADHD and global developmental delays. I informed the director that Dayton was also being observed for autism. She assured me there would be no problems, didn't I know where I was? I was at St. Amant! I could not have chosen a better place on the world for my babe.
Here's some information on River Road Child Care located in the St. Amant Centre, again right off their website which you can find at: http://www.stamant.mb.ca/child-care:
Here's a link to the daycare's brochure: http://www.stamant.mb.ca/sites/default/files/River%20Road%20Child%20Care.pdf
So, you can see I did my homework before I decided to enlist their help in taking care of my babe's needs... They found a wonderful assistant to help Dayton throughout the day, who really bonded well with Dayton. We had become friends, play dates with our children were arranged. She's still a friend today. If it were not for her, I never would have found out what they did to my baby...
"Mamma, C hurt me."
"Dayton, how could you say something like that about C? She loves you, and she's like an auntie to you! She would never hurt you."
"Mamma, I no wanna go to deeeecare. Not like. C hurt me."
"Dayton, don't ever let me hear you talk about C like that again!!!"
And then the biting began. My boy had become a carnivore, and his appetite insatiable.... In roughly one month's time, he had bit C as well as other child care professionals a total of seven times. I was informed that Dayton either stopped biting or I would have to find another daycare. Daycares in Winnipeg are not easy to come by. I'm struggling without daycare for the last two years now... Talk about a financial oweeee! Anyways...
I made two crucial mistakes...
Mistake number one: Dayton tried to tell me he someone was hurting him, and I did NOT believe him.
Mistake number two: I didn't question WHY Dayton was becoming a carnivore...
ALL behaviour is COMMUNICATION. Dayton's communication skills were severely delayed, they still are. He was also five years old, functioning at about a three year old level. About half of his communication at age five for Dayton was PHYSICAL.
C called me and wanted to talk to me in person, without the kids present. Just the two of us. She told me, then because of my stunned look had to physically show me what was happening to my child at the hands of the director of the River Road Child Care... I can honestly tell you exactly what it feels like to have your heart ripped in half...
Dayton was forced to sit on the floor with his legs stretched straight in front of him in front of ALL the children at the daycare. Dayton was the example to the other children, treated like an animal. The director would sit behind him with her legs parallel to his, his back against her upper body. She then grabbed his wrists and pinned them behind his back. She put one of her legs across Dayton's upper legs or thighs in order to keep him rooted to the floor. With Dayton's arms stretched out tight, wrists pinned together in her hands, she lifted... she could have dislocated his shoulders!!! All Dayton could do was bite, it was his only defence!!! It seemed she didn't like being bit, so she made C do this to Dayton once a week, in front of EVERYBODY!!!
How painful was this for Dayton? How humiliating for my baby!!! He must have been so scared, so wounded, and he tried to tell me, he wanted me to protect and defend him and I didn't believe him... I let my baby down... Never, ever again will I take someone else's word over his, EVER.
After surviving this experience, I can honestly tell you exactly what it feels like to have your heart ripped in half... I went through four of the five stages of grief, missing only the 'bargaining' stage, which believe it or not, when I reached the anger stage, River Road Child Care tried to bargain with me. Their bargain? They would take Dayton back for one month while I searched for appropriate child care that could take care of his needs!!! What??? Over my dead body! My anger sky rocketed and I contacted the media. The story hit the air, and before it did, the daycare issued a letter to all parents who's children were taken care of at the daycare that I was an angry and desperate mother, and I would lie about their practice because I couldn't find daycare?! Whatever!
It took me every ounce of energy not to drive to the daycare and take matters into my own hands. The woman is lucky to be alive and well. Instead, I did an interview with Global TV, and had my 15 minutes three nights in a row, twice a night, warning everyone in Winnipeg NOT to enrol their child into River Road Child Care.
The province launched an investigation into the matter, and the director had to go back to school...
Come again Lou?
Yes, that's right. She got training which was covered by her employer... How fantastic is that?
Dayton is not the only child that has been abused by "professionals." It happens all the time. Our kiddos with special needs are like moving targets. Child care professionals, teachers and educational assistants are over worked and underpaid (not our problem, I know). Everyone, including the children are fantastic in September, but come December with Christmas holidays... tempers flare up, on both ends.
Here's the latest abuse story in school, this time recorded by a 15 year old, using his cell phone:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/16/julio-artuz-15-records-teacher-verbally-abusing_n_1097166.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
Dreadful. Sick. Demented... My heart splits in half again for this family...
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
You can not view the little people as a burden. If you do, then you're definitely in the wrong place, not just for the children's sake, but your own. I imagine that when someone becomes abusive, it is because they've lost their 'self control,' and losing 'it' ain't pretty... You know the song "she ain't pretty" by the Northern Pikes? Yeah, that's what a teacher with no self control ends up looking like. All dressed nice and looking the part, but then she opens her mouth and pow! She ain't too pretty no more.
I've met a few of these not so pretty teachers in the last few years. Teachers and daycares. I think the worst incident I had with Dayton where he was abused by a worker was at River Road Child Care which is located in the St. Amant Centre. Here's a quote straight from their website at http://www.stamant.mb.ca/about-us:
Founded by the Grey Nuns in 1931 as the St. Boniface Sanatorium, the Grey Nuns originally cared for patients with tuberculosis. The building was re-named the St. Vital Hospital in 1961.
Children with disabilities were first admitted to the St.Amant Ward in 1959. The organization was re-named St.Amant Centre in 1974 as the space became dedicated to meeting the needs of persons with developmental disabilities.
The Grey Nuns nurtured the physical, social, emotional and spiritual needs of every individual they cared for, laying the foundation for many generations of work to come. The Grey Nuns were strong advocates for the people they cared for and were determined to teach those who it was said could not be taught, to help children learn to walk who it was said would never walk. They helped each and every individual develop to the best of their abilities.The Grey Nuns were fearless leaders, unafraid to go against the grain or be defeated by the attitudes that prevailed toward those with developmental disabilities at the time. They provided direction and leadership of the organization into the 1990’s.
St.Amant is now the largest provider of community living services in Manitoba supporting individuals and their families with residential options, family care and outreach services. St.Amant also has a growing program for pre-school and school aged children with Autism.
You can see why I would think this was a fantastic place for my little guy! Wow! And speaking with the director of the daycare, I was told that yes, they would have no problems with Dayton. At the time, Dayton's diagnoses were ADHD and global developmental delays. I informed the director that Dayton was also being observed for autism. She assured me there would be no problems, didn't I know where I was? I was at St. Amant! I could not have chosen a better place on the world for my babe.
Here's some information on River Road Child Care located in the St. Amant Centre, again right off their website which you can find at: http://www.stamant.mb.ca/child-care:
We provide high-quality childcare in a warm, loving environment and promote the full development and well-being of all children with various needs and characteristics. We believe children have the right to be cared for in an atmosphere of warmth, acceptance, respect, love and laughter.
Our programming includes:
- Emergent and thematic curriculum
- Special events and field trips
- Gymnasium time
- Computer-assisted learning
- Inclusive approaches
- Natural external environment
- A scheduled, daily routine
So, you can see I did my homework before I decided to enlist their help in taking care of my babe's needs... They found a wonderful assistant to help Dayton throughout the day, who really bonded well with Dayton. We had become friends, play dates with our children were arranged. She's still a friend today. If it were not for her, I never would have found out what they did to my baby...
"Mamma, C hurt me."
"Dayton, how could you say something like that about C? She loves you, and she's like an auntie to you! She would never hurt you."
"Mamma, I no wanna go to deeeecare. Not like. C hurt me."
"Dayton, don't ever let me hear you talk about C like that again!!!"
And then the biting began. My boy had become a carnivore, and his appetite insatiable.... In roughly one month's time, he had bit C as well as other child care professionals a total of seven times. I was informed that Dayton either stopped biting or I would have to find another daycare. Daycares in Winnipeg are not easy to come by. I'm struggling without daycare for the last two years now... Talk about a financial oweeee! Anyways...
I made two crucial mistakes...
Mistake number one: Dayton tried to tell me he someone was hurting him, and I did NOT believe him.
Mistake number two: I didn't question WHY Dayton was becoming a carnivore...
ALL behaviour is COMMUNICATION. Dayton's communication skills were severely delayed, they still are. He was also five years old, functioning at about a three year old level. About half of his communication at age five for Dayton was PHYSICAL.
C called me and wanted to talk to me in person, without the kids present. Just the two of us. She told me, then because of my stunned look had to physically show me what was happening to my child at the hands of the director of the River Road Child Care... I can honestly tell you exactly what it feels like to have your heart ripped in half...
Dayton was forced to sit on the floor with his legs stretched straight in front of him in front of ALL the children at the daycare. Dayton was the example to the other children, treated like an animal. The director would sit behind him with her legs parallel to his, his back against her upper body. She then grabbed his wrists and pinned them behind his back. She put one of her legs across Dayton's upper legs or thighs in order to keep him rooted to the floor. With Dayton's arms stretched out tight, wrists pinned together in her hands, she lifted... she could have dislocated his shoulders!!! All Dayton could do was bite, it was his only defence!!! It seemed she didn't like being bit, so she made C do this to Dayton once a week, in front of EVERYBODY!!!
How painful was this for Dayton? How humiliating for my baby!!! He must have been so scared, so wounded, and he tried to tell me, he wanted me to protect and defend him and I didn't believe him... I let my baby down... Never, ever again will I take someone else's word over his, EVER.
After surviving this experience, I can honestly tell you exactly what it feels like to have your heart ripped in half... I went through four of the five stages of grief, missing only the 'bargaining' stage, which believe it or not, when I reached the anger stage, River Road Child Care tried to bargain with me. Their bargain? They would take Dayton back for one month while I searched for appropriate child care that could take care of his needs!!! What??? Over my dead body! My anger sky rocketed and I contacted the media. The story hit the air, and before it did, the daycare issued a letter to all parents who's children were taken care of at the daycare that I was an angry and desperate mother, and I would lie about their practice because I couldn't find daycare?! Whatever!
It took me every ounce of energy not to drive to the daycare and take matters into my own hands. The woman is lucky to be alive and well. Instead, I did an interview with Global TV, and had my 15 minutes three nights in a row, twice a night, warning everyone in Winnipeg NOT to enrol their child into River Road Child Care.
The province launched an investigation into the matter, and the director had to go back to school...
Come again Lou?
Yes, that's right. She got training which was covered by her employer... How fantastic is that?
Dayton is not the only child that has been abused by "professionals." It happens all the time. Our kiddos with special needs are like moving targets. Child care professionals, teachers and educational assistants are over worked and underpaid (not our problem, I know). Everyone, including the children are fantastic in September, but come December with Christmas holidays... tempers flare up, on both ends.
Here's the latest abuse story in school, this time recorded by a 15 year old, using his cell phone:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/16/julio-artuz-15-records-teacher-verbally-abusing_n_1097166.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
Dreadful. Sick. Demented... My heart splits in half again for this family...
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Monday, 14 November 2011
Time For A New Me?
Between visiting with friends in Campbell River, BC and catching up with friends here in Winnipeg after my return from BC, then meeting Super Dad, I've been thinking about how people change. Am I the same person I was ten years ago? Definitely not! I was dating, and Dayton wasn't quite a twinkle in his daddy's eye. I was fit, working out religiously, cautious of my diet and even dabbled in body building... I had energy galore! And now...
Had a baby by C-section (surgery numero uno), then a hysterectomy and later a bi-lateral mastectomy with a tram-flap (a 16 hour medical surgery that took close to 20 hours)... My energy levels have depleted and my body shape is a whole lot different... I mean waaaaay different.
My friend Jen who had moved to BC in September has completely changed since I had seen her three months ago. Never really a 'big girl,' she now looks like a freaking super model! Mind you, she's 24 years old and has no kids, but still! She's completely changed her life and is actually so in love with hot yoga, she's decided to teach it! She's also become a vegetarian, which I think is awesome... I have an aversion to touching raw meat... a whole new story in itself...
Another friend, Kim, has lost over 75 lbs in less than a year! An amazing accomplishment! She looks fantastic!!! She made us supper one night during our stay in Campbell River, and I couldn't stop staring at her. I'm sure she thought I had changed too... not only wider in the hips but gone a little 'weird.' Sure didn't help that she wore these cute camouflage capri's with something spelled out in shiny diamond rhinestones on her behind... That was really distracting, as we all know how much I like pretty, shiny bling, never mind the fact that the size of her behind used to be twice the size it is now! She's lost the equivalent of a 6th grader people!!!
When I got home from BC, my friend picked me up at the airport... She had been losing weight for the last three months, and I couldn't believe how much more weight she had lost in the two weeks I had been gone... I went for walks with her and her kids and Dayton on bikes, roller blades and a third one walking with us... It was embarrassing! I was left in the dust with their family dog (an ankle biting mini poodle I jokingly call 'killer,' which the dog answers to now). I swear when I looked up in the sky I saw vultures circling up high above us, waiting for me to pass out beside the dog. I decided that walking outside was no longer an option and that indoor workouts would need to begin or I was OUT.
Finally, Super Dad. While I may have just met him, talking to him over a cup of coffee and listening to his story, he's gone through some major changes in life this past year himself. Some changes he had no choice in, like the loss of his beloved wife and becoming a single parent of five. Other changes he had partial control of, like knowing he was about to lose his job and deciding if it was going to happen, it would happen on his terms. And the change he had control of, his career. Changing careers from a produce manager to a teacher's assistant is a huge change! These two careers have absolutely nothing in common! But he's doing it. With a smile on his face. No gritting his teeth and no feeling sorry for himself about anything!
These three friends listed above have one thing in common... COURAGE.
It's my birthday today, and I'm thinking to myself 'am I happy with choices I've made in my life? Is there anything I can do to change what I don't like, my career, my health, my scope of influence? If so, do I have the courage to change?'
Is this what they call a mid life crisis? Maybe, but I can see where my life needs to change. I need a better 'balance' in my life. For the past five years I've been eating, breathing, drinking, dreaming autism, ADHD, OCD, ODD, PDD-NOS and global delays. I've been reading and now this past year writing about it. I'm not suggesting I stop any of it, I just need to find some time to myself to rejuvenate. I need some 'me' time, where I focus on what it is that I want and what I NEED. All this time I've thought how selfish it is to do anything for me and take that time away from Dayton, but I'm finally starting to realize that while I am taking care of every single one of Dayton's needs, I've neglected the most important one of all: giving Dayton a healthy, well rounded mom. Everyone deserves one of those, right?
"The true definition of insanity: Doing the same task over and over, and expecting a different outcome" - Albert Einstein
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Had a baby by C-section (surgery numero uno), then a hysterectomy and later a bi-lateral mastectomy with a tram-flap (a 16 hour medical surgery that took close to 20 hours)... My energy levels have depleted and my body shape is a whole lot different... I mean waaaaay different.
My friend Jen who had moved to BC in September has completely changed since I had seen her three months ago. Never really a 'big girl,' she now looks like a freaking super model! Mind you, she's 24 years old and has no kids, but still! She's completely changed her life and is actually so in love with hot yoga, she's decided to teach it! She's also become a vegetarian, which I think is awesome... I have an aversion to touching raw meat... a whole new story in itself...
 |
| Jen hiking with Dayton and I, and yes, there were vultures circling above me there too. |
Another friend, Kim, has lost over 75 lbs in less than a year! An amazing accomplishment! She looks fantastic!!! She made us supper one night during our stay in Campbell River, and I couldn't stop staring at her. I'm sure she thought I had changed too... not only wider in the hips but gone a little 'weird.' Sure didn't help that she wore these cute camouflage capri's with something spelled out in shiny diamond rhinestones on her behind... That was really distracting, as we all know how much I like pretty, shiny bling, never mind the fact that the size of her behind used to be twice the size it is now! She's lost the equivalent of a 6th grader people!!!
 |
| My weight loss guru, she's gorgeous! |
 |
| Not the best picture of Shelley, but she doesn't read my blog anyway... LOL!!! |
Finally, Super Dad. While I may have just met him, talking to him over a cup of coffee and listening to his story, he's gone through some major changes in life this past year himself. Some changes he had no choice in, like the loss of his beloved wife and becoming a single parent of five. Other changes he had partial control of, like knowing he was about to lose his job and deciding if it was going to happen, it would happen on his terms. And the change he had control of, his career. Changing careers from a produce manager to a teacher's assistant is a huge change! These two careers have absolutely nothing in common! But he's doing it. With a smile on his face. No gritting his teeth and no feeling sorry for himself about anything!
 |
| Unfortunately, the only picture I have of Super Dad... LOL |
It's my birthday today, and I'm thinking to myself 'am I happy with choices I've made in my life? Is there anything I can do to change what I don't like, my career, my health, my scope of influence? If so, do I have the courage to change?'
Is this what they call a mid life crisis? Maybe, but I can see where my life needs to change. I need a better 'balance' in my life. For the past five years I've been eating, breathing, drinking, dreaming autism, ADHD, OCD, ODD, PDD-NOS and global delays. I've been reading and now this past year writing about it. I'm not suggesting I stop any of it, I just need to find some time to myself to rejuvenate. I need some 'me' time, where I focus on what it is that I want and what I NEED. All this time I've thought how selfish it is to do anything for me and take that time away from Dayton, but I'm finally starting to realize that while I am taking care of every single one of Dayton's needs, I've neglected the most important one of all: giving Dayton a healthy, well rounded mom. Everyone deserves one of those, right?
"The true definition of insanity: Doing the same task over and over, and expecting a different outcome" - Albert Einstein
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Friday, 14 October 2011
Layin' The Smack Down On Their Rootie Poo Candy A...
Normally, I have no problems with Dayton's behavior at home, with the exception of a few typical boy moments that happen when playing with his buddies outside.
We live in a beautiful condo complex that is in a park like setting, with an outdoor swimming pool and two playgrounds for the kids to play on. We're surrounded by trees, shrubs, and manicured lawns. We love living here, especially since everyone is so friendly. We walk patio to patio, joining others who live here for a game of yahtzee or play cards, or simply shoot the breeze. It's such a relaxing atmosphere, and it almost feels like we're camping in cottages at a resort, minus the maid service and beach. I've thought of buying a house, but Dayton and I love living here... I don't think either one of us want to give up the friends we've made and our easy access to them. All Dayton and I need to do is walk outside into our back yard, and his friends are sure to come out within minutes. If they don't, we walk ten steps to their door step and ring the door bell. The moms hang out and have coffee while the kids play. Living here has offered us plenty of interaction with others, a huge help for Dayton to practice some 'social skills' in the natural animal kingdom outside of school.
Dayton's made three really good after school buddies, and as a result of these friendships, I've managed to make friends with two of the moms, strong friendships that I cherish very much. One of the boys is the same age as Dayton and goes to a different school, another boy is two years older at eleven years old, and the third boy is turning seven at the end of the month. With exception of the eleven year old, the rest of the boys are crazy hyper, the youngest also being a wee bit on the 'mouthy' side. Gives me an insight as to why some species eat their young... The nine year old friend has been diagnosed with ADHD, and also has had troubles in reading and writing. The shared diagnosis makes the two of them understand each other very well. The two of them also get in the same kind of trouble with the rest of the kids...
So, last night, Dayton and the boys were playing hockey outside. For some reason 'unknown' to the rest of the kids, Dayton grabbed the nine year old's hockey stick and threw it over the fence surrounding the swimming pool. Of course, the boys got angry with Dayton... Next thing I know, my boy is climbing the fence... Holly crap! Naturally, I lost my ever living mind! The pool is covered with a tarp under which there is water. He could have fallen in, and of course I would have made thing worse by jumping in to save my baby... I can't even think about it, it just makes me sick.
Screaming and yelling and freaking out, I grounded Dayton without waiting to hear his explanation. Autism or not, impulse issues or not, ADHD or not, global delays or not, I've told Dayton many, many times to never, EVER climb the fence and jump over it. He's made the attempt before and I've always caught him in the act, but last night it was a friend that caught him, not me. She called my cell phone to alert me, knowing my cell is attached to my hip at all times. Dusk was upon us, making it difficult to see...
Freaking out I grabbed his hand and dragged him home, screaming at him how grounded he was and demanding to know what he was thinking, knowing all I would get is "I don't know," his usual answer (which naturally made me even angrier). Screaming like a banshee, totally freaking out, I told him to go to his room, get ready for bed and hand over the playstation. Grabbing the playstation, I left him in his room and walked away... What I really wanted to do was lay the smack down on his rootie-poo candy a$$.
Later on I found out that the nine year old stole Dayton's hard earned cash... $10.00 to be exact. The brat took Dayton's two $5.00 bills and gave one to the seven year old. The seven year old told Dayton about this, and Dayton lost it, grabbed the brat's hockey stick and threw it over the fence into the pool court yard, knowing it was locked and they couldn't get it back. The hockey stick's owner let Dayton know that he would get in trouble, because now an adult had to unlock the lock on the door to get his hockey stick. He suggested that since Dayton threw the hockey stick, he should go and get it to avoid getting in trouble. Terrified, Dayton then risked jumping the fence to get the hockey stick.
Argh... Dayton still climbed the fence... Even though I understand now why he did it, doesn't mean he should escape punishment, does it? Grrrrrr... The danger is very real. He could die. If I don't remain firm on the grounding, he'll do it again, not learning anything from this incident.
Making things even more interesting:
"Dayton, did you confront your buddy for taking your money?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because he knew he stole from me."
"Did you tell him that YOU know that HE stole your money?"
"No."
"Dayton, does he know what made you throw his hockey stick over the fence?"
"Yes, because he stole my money."
"OK, but you said you didn't speak to him about him stealing your money."
"I didn't."
"Then how does he know what made you throw his hockey stick..."
"'Cuz he knows he stole my money!!!"
I somehow have to get it through to Dayton that he needs to use his words, not act out... Two wrongs don't make a right. Any advice out there??? I could really use some!
It's gonna be a looooong weekend...
Consider yourselves hugged, and yeah, I'm stealing one for myself too,
Lou
We live in a beautiful condo complex that is in a park like setting, with an outdoor swimming pool and two playgrounds for the kids to play on. We're surrounded by trees, shrubs, and manicured lawns. We love living here, especially since everyone is so friendly. We walk patio to patio, joining others who live here for a game of yahtzee or play cards, or simply shoot the breeze. It's such a relaxing atmosphere, and it almost feels like we're camping in cottages at a resort, minus the maid service and beach. I've thought of buying a house, but Dayton and I love living here... I don't think either one of us want to give up the friends we've made and our easy access to them. All Dayton and I need to do is walk outside into our back yard, and his friends are sure to come out within minutes. If they don't, we walk ten steps to their door step and ring the door bell. The moms hang out and have coffee while the kids play. Living here has offered us plenty of interaction with others, a huge help for Dayton to practice some 'social skills' in the natural animal kingdom outside of school.
Dayton's made three really good after school buddies, and as a result of these friendships, I've managed to make friends with two of the moms, strong friendships that I cherish very much. One of the boys is the same age as Dayton and goes to a different school, another boy is two years older at eleven years old, and the third boy is turning seven at the end of the month. With exception of the eleven year old, the rest of the boys are crazy hyper, the youngest also being a wee bit on the 'mouthy' side. Gives me an insight as to why some species eat their young... The nine year old friend has been diagnosed with ADHD, and also has had troubles in reading and writing. The shared diagnosis makes the two of them understand each other very well. The two of them also get in the same kind of trouble with the rest of the kids...
So, last night, Dayton and the boys were playing hockey outside. For some reason 'unknown' to the rest of the kids, Dayton grabbed the nine year old's hockey stick and threw it over the fence surrounding the swimming pool. Of course, the boys got angry with Dayton... Next thing I know, my boy is climbing the fence... Holly crap! Naturally, I lost my ever living mind! The pool is covered with a tarp under which there is water. He could have fallen in, and of course I would have made thing worse by jumping in to save my baby... I can't even think about it, it just makes me sick.
Screaming and yelling and freaking out, I grounded Dayton without waiting to hear his explanation. Autism or not, impulse issues or not, ADHD or not, global delays or not, I've told Dayton many, many times to never, EVER climb the fence and jump over it. He's made the attempt before and I've always caught him in the act, but last night it was a friend that caught him, not me. She called my cell phone to alert me, knowing my cell is attached to my hip at all times. Dusk was upon us, making it difficult to see...
Freaking out I grabbed his hand and dragged him home, screaming at him how grounded he was and demanding to know what he was thinking, knowing all I would get is "I don't know," his usual answer (which naturally made me even angrier). Screaming like a banshee, totally freaking out, I told him to go to his room, get ready for bed and hand over the playstation. Grabbing the playstation, I left him in his room and walked away... What I really wanted to do was lay the smack down on his rootie-poo candy a$$.
Later on I found out that the nine year old stole Dayton's hard earned cash... $10.00 to be exact. The brat took Dayton's two $5.00 bills and gave one to the seven year old. The seven year old told Dayton about this, and Dayton lost it, grabbed the brat's hockey stick and threw it over the fence into the pool court yard, knowing it was locked and they couldn't get it back. The hockey stick's owner let Dayton know that he would get in trouble, because now an adult had to unlock the lock on the door to get his hockey stick. He suggested that since Dayton threw the hockey stick, he should go and get it to avoid getting in trouble. Terrified, Dayton then risked jumping the fence to get the hockey stick.
Argh... Dayton still climbed the fence... Even though I understand now why he did it, doesn't mean he should escape punishment, does it? Grrrrrr... The danger is very real. He could die. If I don't remain firm on the grounding, he'll do it again, not learning anything from this incident.
Making things even more interesting:
"Dayton, did you confront your buddy for taking your money?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because he knew he stole from me."
"Did you tell him that YOU know that HE stole your money?"
"No."
"Dayton, does he know what made you throw his hockey stick over the fence?"
"Yes, because he stole my money."
"OK, but you said you didn't speak to him about him stealing your money."
"I didn't."
"Then how does he know what made you throw his hockey stick..."
"'Cuz he knows he stole my money!!!"
I somehow have to get it through to Dayton that he needs to use his words, not act out... Two wrongs don't make a right. Any advice out there??? I could really use some!
It's gonna be a looooong weekend...
Consider yourselves hugged, and yeah, I'm stealing one for myself too,
Lou
Tuesday, 28 June 2011
A Lesson Learned
Well, maybe two lessons learned... The first lesson I learned is to never, ever ask Glen to get Dayton a hair cut. NEVER. Take a look at his idea of a hair cut...
Yup, he shaved my baby's head BALD!!! Seriously! When am I going to learn that if I want something done right to just do it myself?! Ugh. Oh well, at least the hair will grow back. But perhaps when you hear about my second and main lesson learned, you may think that I should keep Dayton's head bald.
For those of you that have met my boy, you know he's tall and THIN. I don't mean thin the way all women strive to be, I mean thin as in bony. My babe is a wiry lil'man, and I don't think he has an ounce of fat on his body. It's skin, bone and muscle. He doesn't even have baby fat around his face, and he's only nine years old. Dayton is self conscious of his body, and even in summer prefers to wear jeans instead of shorts. He doesn't like his legs exposed for people to see as they are long and bony. Dayton always wears a shirt in the summer, not only is it a rule for him to wear clothes, but he's self conscious of his visible rib cage and spine. Swimming in the pool is a nightmare at times, as he has no choice but to go shirtless and in swimming shorts. Thank goodness he loves swimming so much that he doesn't care about his image. Dayton is also very fair skinned, so this new hair style makes him almost seem sick.
Anyhow...
I had to go grocery shopping with Dayton yesterday (made sure he wore a baseball cap to cover the bald head), and made the mistake of going to Super Store. I didn't bother with a shopping cart, as I was just supposed to grab a new Bayblade for Dayton, milk, skinny lattes for my tassimo coffee machine (yum!!!), and some butter. Should have taken me about ten minutes... Wrong! It's been a while since I've taken Dayton shopping with me and I forgot it takes three times longer to shop when he's with me. By the time I got everything and was standing at the cashier's line up, I vowed to never again, no matter how short I 'figured' the shopping trip would take, to attempt shopping without the shopping cart. My arms hurt, my legs hurt, my kidney was ready to rupture out of my body and slap me across the face, and my jaw was clenched so hard, my face hurt. As we're standing in the loooooong line up, Dayton begins to be bored. He's squirming, he's laughing at his own jokes, making faces and repeating a line from the sitcom "The Big Bang Theory," where Sheldon is saying "mamma smokes in the car, Jesus is OK with it, but don't tell dad." Dayton repeats this line over and over and over. Once bored of this quote, he starts parroting a quote from Fairly Odd Parents: "What's the worst that can happen? You're grounded!" Dayton's laughing and clapping his hands and doing a little jig beside me. Another parroted joke comes up: "What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in front of a fire place? Burney."
There are two women that look like they're friends, standing a couple of people ahead of us in the line up. They keep glaring back at Dayton, whispering to each other and shaking their heads in disapproval. Aha! Mommy Radar has picked up on two Grocery Store Snipers, twelve o'clock, straight ahead. My head whips around to face the snipers, and they face me. Eye contact. I' about to whip out my grenade launcher when I remember Dayton's hair cut and my close friend's comment on it: "He looks like a cancer patient." I squint my eyes at the snipers and brush my hand against Dayton's baseball cap. I knock it to the floor...
I turn my attention to Dayton. "Would you like to see how your cap looks on mommy? I bet I would look pretty funny!!! I doubt it would fit my big head!" Oooohhh... A challenge... Dayton loves a good joke and a challenge. I bend at what used to be a waste and lower my head to his face. "I dare you Dayton." Dayton gets all serious and puts the cap on my head. I stand tall, and he laughs at me. The snipers look like they'd like to aim and take fire at me, but look down at Dayton... "Awwwwww... are you mommy's big helper?" One of them says... I kid you not. The snipers dropped their weapons and practically cuddled my babe. Are you serious?!
So, the moral of this story my friends, is that if your child 'looks disabled,' people make exceptions for their behavior. If the child has an invisible disability like autism, ADHD, ADD, global delays, FAS, fragile X, etc.., people perceive your child as a hooligan. "He's just a bad kid." In their minds, they're thinking that as a parent, we're not disciplining our children. I know Dayton's school's staff has said to me many times... "he needs some discipline." And these are people that are supposed to know about autism.
Dayton LOVES his new look. "I look just like daddy!!!" He's in no hurry to grow out his hair. I'm wondering if I should let him enjoy his new look for at least the summer, grow it out for school picture day, then shave it off again? It seems people are much more accommodating... I'll let you know what I decide.
In the mean time, like my dad always says, consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
Yup, he shaved my baby's head BALD!!! Seriously! When am I going to learn that if I want something done right to just do it myself?! Ugh. Oh well, at least the hair will grow back. But perhaps when you hear about my second and main lesson learned, you may think that I should keep Dayton's head bald.
For those of you that have met my boy, you know he's tall and THIN. I don't mean thin the way all women strive to be, I mean thin as in bony. My babe is a wiry lil'man, and I don't think he has an ounce of fat on his body. It's skin, bone and muscle. He doesn't even have baby fat around his face, and he's only nine years old. Dayton is self conscious of his body, and even in summer prefers to wear jeans instead of shorts. He doesn't like his legs exposed for people to see as they are long and bony. Dayton always wears a shirt in the summer, not only is it a rule for him to wear clothes, but he's self conscious of his visible rib cage and spine. Swimming in the pool is a nightmare at times, as he has no choice but to go shirtless and in swimming shorts. Thank goodness he loves swimming so much that he doesn't care about his image. Dayton is also very fair skinned, so this new hair style makes him almost seem sick.
Anyhow...
I had to go grocery shopping with Dayton yesterday (made sure he wore a baseball cap to cover the bald head), and made the mistake of going to Super Store. I didn't bother with a shopping cart, as I was just supposed to grab a new Bayblade for Dayton, milk, skinny lattes for my tassimo coffee machine (yum!!!), and some butter. Should have taken me about ten minutes... Wrong! It's been a while since I've taken Dayton shopping with me and I forgot it takes three times longer to shop when he's with me. By the time I got everything and was standing at the cashier's line up, I vowed to never again, no matter how short I 'figured' the shopping trip would take, to attempt shopping without the shopping cart. My arms hurt, my legs hurt, my kidney was ready to rupture out of my body and slap me across the face, and my jaw was clenched so hard, my face hurt. As we're standing in the loooooong line up, Dayton begins to be bored. He's squirming, he's laughing at his own jokes, making faces and repeating a line from the sitcom "The Big Bang Theory," where Sheldon is saying "mamma smokes in the car, Jesus is OK with it, but don't tell dad." Dayton repeats this line over and over and over. Once bored of this quote, he starts parroting a quote from Fairly Odd Parents: "What's the worst that can happen? You're grounded!" Dayton's laughing and clapping his hands and doing a little jig beside me. Another parroted joke comes up: "What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in front of a fire place? Burney."
There are two women that look like they're friends, standing a couple of people ahead of us in the line up. They keep glaring back at Dayton, whispering to each other and shaking their heads in disapproval. Aha! Mommy Radar has picked up on two Grocery Store Snipers, twelve o'clock, straight ahead. My head whips around to face the snipers, and they face me. Eye contact. I' about to whip out my grenade launcher when I remember Dayton's hair cut and my close friend's comment on it: "He looks like a cancer patient." I squint my eyes at the snipers and brush my hand against Dayton's baseball cap. I knock it to the floor...
I turn my attention to Dayton. "Would you like to see how your cap looks on mommy? I bet I would look pretty funny!!! I doubt it would fit my big head!" Oooohhh... A challenge... Dayton loves a good joke and a challenge. I bend at what used to be a waste and lower my head to his face. "I dare you Dayton." Dayton gets all serious and puts the cap on my head. I stand tall, and he laughs at me. The snipers look like they'd like to aim and take fire at me, but look down at Dayton... "Awwwwww... are you mommy's big helper?" One of them says... I kid you not. The snipers dropped their weapons and practically cuddled my babe. Are you serious?!
So, the moral of this story my friends, is that if your child 'looks disabled,' people make exceptions for their behavior. If the child has an invisible disability like autism, ADHD, ADD, global delays, FAS, fragile X, etc.., people perceive your child as a hooligan. "He's just a bad kid." In their minds, they're thinking that as a parent, we're not disciplining our children. I know Dayton's school's staff has said to me many times... "he needs some discipline." And these are people that are supposed to know about autism.
Dayton LOVES his new look. "I look just like daddy!!!" He's in no hurry to grow out his hair. I'm wondering if I should let him enjoy his new look for at least the summer, grow it out for school picture day, then shave it off again? It seems people are much more accommodating... I'll let you know what I decide.
In the mean time, like my dad always says, consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
Thursday, 26 May 2011
Time To Take Off The Training Wheels
Oh my goodness... My baby is riding his bike. No training wheels, just Dayton's own leg power, focus, concentration and balance. And lets face it, those of you that know us, this is a huge miracle! My poor Dayton didn't stand a chance, inheriting my 'swag' (I don't call it clumsiness, I call it swag).
I'm constantly having to remind Dayton: "Don't follow in my footsteps... I run into walls, trip over air and suffer from swag." I once had a friend who didn't think it was possible to fall up the stairs... then she met me. Not only did I trip walking up the stairs, but I slammed my face on the wall going down. It takes skill to get ran over by parked cars, trip over flat surfaces, get tangled up in a cordless phone and run into open doors and easy to see walls. I'm pretty sure my guardian angel is thinking about switching careers. I pray Dayton's stays put, because she's done a good job with him.
Anyway, my point in talking about me, is that my poor little guy has inherited these mad ninja skills of mine in pretending to hug the floor when falling down. The poor kid is just as uncoordinated as I am. He has no balance, just like me, and with his ADHD, he can't focus or concentrate on anything for long periods of time, so when I blog about his success, believe me, I'm celebrating. And today is one of those days.
I had to downsize when I moved. Going through marital issues, I wanted a home that I could take care of on my own, and still afford to eat. During my move, Glen decided to throw out Dayton's old bike, the one with the training wheels... Ugh!!! "Why did you throw it out? What is he supposed to ride now?"
"It was too small for him anyway."
"Did you think of raising his seat?"
"Ummmm... no..."
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr."
So this last Christmas, Glen got Dayton a brand new bike. Sans the training wheels. Dayton was over joyed to see a brand new bike, and asked "Where's the training wheels dad?"
"You're turning nine worm (yes, Glen's nick name for Dayton is worm... I have a cute story about that one too), and it's time for you to learn how to ride a bike with no training wheels. Mom will teach you how." I'm thinking, jeez buddy, thanks for the vote of confidence! The kid's got no balance, no coordination and no focus... I have zero coordination. It's the blind leading the blind here buddy. How on earth am I going to teach him how to ride his bike?
Spring came. I ask Dayton if he'd like to give it a go on his new bike. "Yes!!! Let's go mamma." I struggle to get his bike out of storage, rummage through the closet to get to his helmet, and off we go to the playground which has a paved path all around the playground.
"OK Dayton, sit on the bike. Put your foot on the higher of the two peddles and push. Mamma's got your back babe. I'm going to hold on to you the whole time." Off we go...
We make it half way through the circle, and my back is killing me. I call out to our neighbour's teenage kid who's walking the dog, and beg him to trade with me. "I'll walk your dog every day this week, if you take a few minutes to teach Dayton how to ride his bike."
"Done! Here's the bag to collect her doggy doo doo." Awesome. Just what the doctor ordered. But I'm grateful for the help.
Dayton is struggling to keep his balance, peddle and focus all at the same time. Things are not going well, and he's demanding to have his training wheels back. Of course, Glen didn't think to get training wheels. I'm not even sure if they make training wheels big enough for this bike. I'm cursing his name right about now. Our first day on the bike is a complete failure. The good news is, the little dog didn't make a doggy doo doo for me to pick up! I do try to find the silver lining in things.
On another day, I ask Dayton if he'd like to try to ride his bike again. "No mamma, I got swag. I want training wheels."
When Glen arrives after his day at work, I look at him and tell him to take Dayton out for a bike ride. "I'm tired Lou, you take him out."
"Yeah, I don't think so. You need to take him out, or you need to go to the store and get him training wheels. I'm not arguing with Dayton to learn how to ride his bike. Your brilliant idea, you go out and teach him."
"Ugh. Fine. I haven't had dinner, I'll teach him to ride his bike, you make supper."
"Done!" We're having Kraft Dinner. Have fun!" (Glen hates Kraft Dinner, he's lucky I didn't put peas in it, he won't touch a pea).
Dayton does better this time. Glen's face is all red from running behind him, and he's complaining of chest pains, but my baby does better! I'm so proud of him. He still hadn't mastered how to stop the bike and ran into trees and bushes to stop, but hey!!! He's getting the hang of concentrating and focusing on where he's going! Awesome!!! He can't start peddling the bike unless he goes down a hill to start, but it's a start!!! Dayton swears this is the last time he goes out with dad to ride his bike, and he hates the bike, but I had this feeling he's going to be just fine. Here's a picture of Dayton on day two of learning how to ride his bike with his dad.
We tried riding the bike one more time... Dayton was frustrated, but he did better. He was able to peddle his bike non stop for half the loop around the playground, without me holding him on his bike! It was awesome! Slamming into a tree to stop, but hey, it's going to take practice, right? I was so proud of him! But to be honest, I started to get worried. Would he ever learn how to ride the bike? I had to slow down and remind myself that this was only his third attempt, with many days apart from the first attempt. I needed to give it more time. But with Dayton crying and having a melt down, should I push this to continue? Not today. We'll give him a break for a few days.
Today... Dayton has been grounded for this week, due to an incident with a BB gun his six year old friend carries around outside. I'll explain it another time, long story short, he grabbed the BB gun his buddy dropped and shot him in the head. He swears the clip of the gun was missing, so he had no idea there was a BB in the gun because he doesn't know how to load the gun without the clip, but either way, he could have seriously hurt the little boy, and I'm done with his gun obsession. While I understand that he was not at fault for loading the gun and that his intent was not to hurt his little friend, the damage has been done, and there must be a consequence to his actions... He's no longer allowed to play with anyone that carries a gun onto the playground.
Anyways, he's grounded until Friday. I made a decision I figured he would not like, but I made it just the same. "Dayton, you're grounded and have to stay inside until Friday after school. The only way you get to go outside is to ride your bike."
"Well, I guess I'm not going outside then."
"I guess not."
So when he got off the school bus today, I asked him if his aid put books in his back pack for home reading. Of course the answer was still "No."
"All right then, mamma is going to figure out what to do for homework. We'll do some writing."
"No mamma. I do work at school with the rest of the kids."
"Yes babe, but you need some extra practice."
"Ugh."
We get inside and I give him one hour with his Nintendo DSI, after which I explain we will do some work. He plays with his DSI for the hour, and then I tell him it's time to do work.
"I thought you said I could ride my bike."
"Yes, I did say that. So are you saying you will ride your bike instead?"
"Ugh... Yes mamma..."
"Awesome, let's go."
He rode his bike. I couldn't believe it. I didn't need to hold him on his bike, he didn't need to go down the grassy hill to start it. He struggled at first, but was adamant to push off on his own. HE DID IT!!! He rode the bike many times around the playground, pushing off all on his own! I was even able to teach him how to stop his bike without running into the bushes or trees! HE DID IT!!! And after supper... HE DID IT AGAIN!!! Hooooooooraaaaay!!! Way to go Dayton!!! I screamed so loud, cheering him on, one of the neighbors offered me her pom poms... Oooooops, maybe I carried it a bit too far. But she has no idea how difficult this was for him to learn. She doesn't know of Dayton's autism, his ADHD, or his global delays. My baby is a gem! And I am so very, very proud of my boy.
Look at him ride his bike today:
Now I just got to convince him that wearing a helmet is OK, and won't 'mush his brains.' I keep telling him if he falls on his head, it will be much worse, but he just can't get past the sensory issue of something on his head.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
I'm constantly having to remind Dayton: "Don't follow in my footsteps... I run into walls, trip over air and suffer from swag." I once had a friend who didn't think it was possible to fall up the stairs... then she met me. Not only did I trip walking up the stairs, but I slammed my face on the wall going down. It takes skill to get ran over by parked cars, trip over flat surfaces, get tangled up in a cordless phone and run into open doors and easy to see walls. I'm pretty sure my guardian angel is thinking about switching careers. I pray Dayton's stays put, because she's done a good job with him.
Anyway, my point in talking about me, is that my poor little guy has inherited these mad ninja skills of mine in pretending to hug the floor when falling down. The poor kid is just as uncoordinated as I am. He has no balance, just like me, and with his ADHD, he can't focus or concentrate on anything for long periods of time, so when I blog about his success, believe me, I'm celebrating. And today is one of those days.
I had to downsize when I moved. Going through marital issues, I wanted a home that I could take care of on my own, and still afford to eat. During my move, Glen decided to throw out Dayton's old bike, the one with the training wheels... Ugh!!! "Why did you throw it out? What is he supposed to ride now?"
"It was too small for him anyway."
"Did you think of raising his seat?"
"Ummmm... no..."
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr."
So this last Christmas, Glen got Dayton a brand new bike. Sans the training wheels. Dayton was over joyed to see a brand new bike, and asked "Where's the training wheels dad?"
"You're turning nine worm (yes, Glen's nick name for Dayton is worm... I have a cute story about that one too), and it's time for you to learn how to ride a bike with no training wheels. Mom will teach you how." I'm thinking, jeez buddy, thanks for the vote of confidence! The kid's got no balance, no coordination and no focus... I have zero coordination. It's the blind leading the blind here buddy. How on earth am I going to teach him how to ride his bike?
Spring came. I ask Dayton if he'd like to give it a go on his new bike. "Yes!!! Let's go mamma." I struggle to get his bike out of storage, rummage through the closet to get to his helmet, and off we go to the playground which has a paved path all around the playground.
"OK Dayton, sit on the bike. Put your foot on the higher of the two peddles and push. Mamma's got your back babe. I'm going to hold on to you the whole time." Off we go...
We make it half way through the circle, and my back is killing me. I call out to our neighbour's teenage kid who's walking the dog, and beg him to trade with me. "I'll walk your dog every day this week, if you take a few minutes to teach Dayton how to ride his bike."
"Done! Here's the bag to collect her doggy doo doo." Awesome. Just what the doctor ordered. But I'm grateful for the help.
Dayton is struggling to keep his balance, peddle and focus all at the same time. Things are not going well, and he's demanding to have his training wheels back. Of course, Glen didn't think to get training wheels. I'm not even sure if they make training wheels big enough for this bike. I'm cursing his name right about now. Our first day on the bike is a complete failure. The good news is, the little dog didn't make a doggy doo doo for me to pick up! I do try to find the silver lining in things.
On another day, I ask Dayton if he'd like to try to ride his bike again. "No mamma, I got swag. I want training wheels."
When Glen arrives after his day at work, I look at him and tell him to take Dayton out for a bike ride. "I'm tired Lou, you take him out."
"Yeah, I don't think so. You need to take him out, or you need to go to the store and get him training wheels. I'm not arguing with Dayton to learn how to ride his bike. Your brilliant idea, you go out and teach him."
"Ugh. Fine. I haven't had dinner, I'll teach him to ride his bike, you make supper."
"Done!" We're having Kraft Dinner. Have fun!" (Glen hates Kraft Dinner, he's lucky I didn't put peas in it, he won't touch a pea).
Dayton does better this time. Glen's face is all red from running behind him, and he's complaining of chest pains, but my baby does better! I'm so proud of him. He still hadn't mastered how to stop the bike and ran into trees and bushes to stop, but hey!!! He's getting the hang of concentrating and focusing on where he's going! Awesome!!! He can't start peddling the bike unless he goes down a hill to start, but it's a start!!! Dayton swears this is the last time he goes out with dad to ride his bike, and he hates the bike, but I had this feeling he's going to be just fine. Here's a picture of Dayton on day two of learning how to ride his bike with his dad.
We tried riding the bike one more time... Dayton was frustrated, but he did better. He was able to peddle his bike non stop for half the loop around the playground, without me holding him on his bike! It was awesome! Slamming into a tree to stop, but hey, it's going to take practice, right? I was so proud of him! But to be honest, I started to get worried. Would he ever learn how to ride the bike? I had to slow down and remind myself that this was only his third attempt, with many days apart from the first attempt. I needed to give it more time. But with Dayton crying and having a melt down, should I push this to continue? Not today. We'll give him a break for a few days.
Today... Dayton has been grounded for this week, due to an incident with a BB gun his six year old friend carries around outside. I'll explain it another time, long story short, he grabbed the BB gun his buddy dropped and shot him in the head. He swears the clip of the gun was missing, so he had no idea there was a BB in the gun because he doesn't know how to load the gun without the clip, but either way, he could have seriously hurt the little boy, and I'm done with his gun obsession. While I understand that he was not at fault for loading the gun and that his intent was not to hurt his little friend, the damage has been done, and there must be a consequence to his actions... He's no longer allowed to play with anyone that carries a gun onto the playground.
Anyways, he's grounded until Friday. I made a decision I figured he would not like, but I made it just the same. "Dayton, you're grounded and have to stay inside until Friday after school. The only way you get to go outside is to ride your bike."
"Well, I guess I'm not going outside then."
"I guess not."
So when he got off the school bus today, I asked him if his aid put books in his back pack for home reading. Of course the answer was still "No."
"All right then, mamma is going to figure out what to do for homework. We'll do some writing."
"No mamma. I do work at school with the rest of the kids."
"Yes babe, but you need some extra practice."
"Ugh."
We get inside and I give him one hour with his Nintendo DSI, after which I explain we will do some work. He plays with his DSI for the hour, and then I tell him it's time to do work.
"I thought you said I could ride my bike."
"Yes, I did say that. So are you saying you will ride your bike instead?"
"Ugh... Yes mamma..."
"Awesome, let's go."
He rode his bike. I couldn't believe it. I didn't need to hold him on his bike, he didn't need to go down the grassy hill to start it. He struggled at first, but was adamant to push off on his own. HE DID IT!!! He rode the bike many times around the playground, pushing off all on his own! I was even able to teach him how to stop his bike without running into the bushes or trees! HE DID IT!!! And after supper... HE DID IT AGAIN!!! Hooooooooraaaaay!!! Way to go Dayton!!! I screamed so loud, cheering him on, one of the neighbors offered me her pom poms... Oooooops, maybe I carried it a bit too far. But she has no idea how difficult this was for him to learn. She doesn't know of Dayton's autism, his ADHD, or his global delays. My baby is a gem! And I am so very, very proud of my boy.
Look at him ride his bike today:
Now I just got to convince him that wearing a helmet is OK, and won't 'mush his brains.' I keep telling him if he falls on his head, it will be much worse, but he just can't get past the sensory issue of something on his head.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
An Email To The Premier Of Manitoba Regarding Our Children With Autism Spectrum Disorders
Dear Mr. Premier,
This email is written to you in the hopes of getting your attention to the problems faced by parents with children on the Autism Spectrum. I ask that you read this email with an open mind, and recognize that I am not merely criticizing the school system, but desperately seeking some change. My son Dayton's diagnoses are as follows: Global Delays, ADHD and PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified, a very, very high functioning form of Autism).
First, I would like to say that I am very pleased that the government does not shun our children into a "special school" where the building is considered more of a dumping ground for the inept children. I am glad that in the government's eyes, my son is entitled to the same education as anyone else. I love the "theory" of inclusion.
My concern is that not all schools are equipped or skilled to follow through with "genuine inclusion.' Most of my son's inclusion has proven to be "cosmetic inclusion." Dayton spends the majority of his time in the hallway. The school he is currently attending claims that this is by his choice, not the school's, but it appears they have no control of my son or his behavior. If they did, he would genuinely be included in the classroom. I think the problem stems in their misunderstanding of the Autism Spectrum. Please don't take my opinion as though I'm suggesting that the school Dayton attends is not working hard with Dayton, but they are not skilled or knowledgeable in teaching or including a child with autism. The Autism Spectrum is a very, very broad spectrum. If you've had the pleasure of meeting a child with autism, you've met a child with autism. Not one child is the same. What works for one child, will not necessarily work for another.
The most common thread of these children is their inappropriate behavior due to their inability to control impulse and their inability to cope with emotions and sensory issues. I have moved through three different school division to get Dayton the education both you and I believe he is entitled to. Dayton's current school thinks that at the core of Dayton's inappropriate behavior is my parenting. They have called CFS about my parenting twice in the last year. I can not begin to explain the humiliation of this experience. Furthermore, they did not believe that Dayton's diagnosis of PDD-NOS falls under the Autism Spectrum, which has resulted in them "disciplining" Dayton in the way that makes sense to with a typical child. Sometimes even worse... An extreme example of their discipline was when they had four teachers force my son to the floor, all of them laying on top of him over a misunderstanding because of a torn back pack, at eight years old, weighing fifty pounds... This resulted in my loss of daycare, forcing me to work part time. The incident traumatized my child into hiding under his bed for a few days, not being able to eat because of a sore throat due to his screaming at the school staff to let him go. Suspending a seven, eight or nine year old child who is delayed by two years is not teaching him a consequence, it is a punishment to the parents. My son is now looking for ways to get suspended, as to him it means that he doesn't have to show his peers just how far behind is from the rest of them. The suspensions have been a "reward" for him. In his mind it is better to be seen as "bad" then "stupid" in front of his peers. Dayton's self esteem is at an all time low, as he constantly tells me he is stupid, he can not learn, so what's the point of me trying to help him at home...
The last CFS call resulted in them immediately closing the file, and asking me what they could do for me. I wanted an advocate from the system to advocate on my son's behalf in his school. They provided me with Brenda Suderman, an amazing woman, who is fighting for my family. She is a true advocate, and very much a support to my family. I have humbled myself and allowed a worker to come to my home to give me advice on working with my son once a week, but even the worker is telling me that I am doing everything with Dayton that she would recommend herself.
On calling your office, my call was transferred to my MLA, whom I had already spoken to. The MLA's office promised to contact Manitoba Education with my concerns, and assured me that someone would call me to discuss my concerns further.
Marlene Gregory of the Manitoba Education "student services," suggested that I fill out a "school of choice application form" and have it submitted by May 15th, giving me false hope for my son's future education. It turns out that school divisions do not accept this application if the student it is being filled out for has special needs! Even if there was a chance I was able to move to their school division (rental availability in the city is sitting at 0%, furthermore, my child with autism needs stability, and I've moved from school division to school division three times to get him a "promised education"), I can not get my child into an autism program or an adaptive program because they are all full. When I called Mrs. Gregory back and conveyed my results, she informed me that the school divisions have the right to deny the application... I have every reason to believe by Dayton's child psychiatrist who diagnosed Dayton with PDD-NOS, that he can live a productive life, become a contributing member of society, providing he gets the services and support his current school division is not providing him.
Mr. Premier, I ask for an appointment to see you, and discuss my son's education. This is not only a concern for my son, but for all children who have been diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. One in a hundred and ten children are being diagnosed with a form of Autism Spectrum Disorder today and the numbers increase every year. These children are our future and they need your help. Help them... You can make a difference in these children's lives, if you want to, and I know you do. You are a wise man, if you weren't, you would not be the premier of Manitoba. Imagine our future if these children do not receive your help... You are our leader, our voice of reason. I know that as a parent alone, I can not make a change, but you... You can make all the difference to our children's lives and education.
The stress I have endured as a result of Dayton's discrimination has taken a toll on my health. I am currently on medical leave, and am available at your earliest convenience to meet with you.
You may reach me at home at 837-6308 or by cell phone at 771-4546. My email addresses are healthy.you.home@gmail.com and autism.diva.help@gmail.com. I look forward to your call.
Sincerely,
Lou Lovrin, a mom of a beautiful nine year old boy, who desperately seeks your help.
This email is written to you in the hopes of getting your attention to the problems faced by parents with children on the Autism Spectrum. I ask that you read this email with an open mind, and recognize that I am not merely criticizing the school system, but desperately seeking some change. My son Dayton's diagnoses are as follows: Global Delays, ADHD and PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified, a very, very high functioning form of Autism).
First, I would like to say that I am very pleased that the government does not shun our children into a "special school" where the building is considered more of a dumping ground for the inept children. I am glad that in the government's eyes, my son is entitled to the same education as anyone else. I love the "theory" of inclusion.
My concern is that not all schools are equipped or skilled to follow through with "genuine inclusion.' Most of my son's inclusion has proven to be "cosmetic inclusion." Dayton spends the majority of his time in the hallway. The school he is currently attending claims that this is by his choice, not the school's, but it appears they have no control of my son or his behavior. If they did, he would genuinely be included in the classroom. I think the problem stems in their misunderstanding of the Autism Spectrum. Please don't take my opinion as though I'm suggesting that the school Dayton attends is not working hard with Dayton, but they are not skilled or knowledgeable in teaching or including a child with autism. The Autism Spectrum is a very, very broad spectrum. If you've had the pleasure of meeting a child with autism, you've met a child with autism. Not one child is the same. What works for one child, will not necessarily work for another.
The most common thread of these children is their inappropriate behavior due to their inability to control impulse and their inability to cope with emotions and sensory issues. I have moved through three different school division to get Dayton the education both you and I believe he is entitled to. Dayton's current school thinks that at the core of Dayton's inappropriate behavior is my parenting. They have called CFS about my parenting twice in the last year. I can not begin to explain the humiliation of this experience. Furthermore, they did not believe that Dayton's diagnosis of PDD-NOS falls under the Autism Spectrum, which has resulted in them "disciplining" Dayton in the way that makes sense to with a typical child. Sometimes even worse... An extreme example of their discipline was when they had four teachers force my son to the floor, all of them laying on top of him over a misunderstanding because of a torn back pack, at eight years old, weighing fifty pounds... This resulted in my loss of daycare, forcing me to work part time. The incident traumatized my child into hiding under his bed for a few days, not being able to eat because of a sore throat due to his screaming at the school staff to let him go. Suspending a seven, eight or nine year old child who is delayed by two years is not teaching him a consequence, it is a punishment to the parents. My son is now looking for ways to get suspended, as to him it means that he doesn't have to show his peers just how far behind is from the rest of them. The suspensions have been a "reward" for him. In his mind it is better to be seen as "bad" then "stupid" in front of his peers. Dayton's self esteem is at an all time low, as he constantly tells me he is stupid, he can not learn, so what's the point of me trying to help him at home...
The last CFS call resulted in them immediately closing the file, and asking me what they could do for me. I wanted an advocate from the system to advocate on my son's behalf in his school. They provided me with Brenda Suderman, an amazing woman, who is fighting for my family. She is a true advocate, and very much a support to my family. I have humbled myself and allowed a worker to come to my home to give me advice on working with my son once a week, but even the worker is telling me that I am doing everything with Dayton that she would recommend herself.
On calling your office, my call was transferred to my MLA, whom I had already spoken to. The MLA's office promised to contact Manitoba Education with my concerns, and assured me that someone would call me to discuss my concerns further.
Marlene Gregory of the Manitoba Education "student services," suggested that I fill out a "school of choice application form" and have it submitted by May 15th, giving me false hope for my son's future education. It turns out that school divisions do not accept this application if the student it is being filled out for has special needs! Even if there was a chance I was able to move to their school division (rental availability in the city is sitting at 0%, furthermore, my child with autism needs stability, and I've moved from school division to school division three times to get him a "promised education"), I can not get my child into an autism program or an adaptive program because they are all full. When I called Mrs. Gregory back and conveyed my results, she informed me that the school divisions have the right to deny the application... I have every reason to believe by Dayton's child psychiatrist who diagnosed Dayton with PDD-NOS, that he can live a productive life, become a contributing member of society, providing he gets the services and support his current school division is not providing him.
Mr. Premier, I ask for an appointment to see you, and discuss my son's education. This is not only a concern for my son, but for all children who have been diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. One in a hundred and ten children are being diagnosed with a form of Autism Spectrum Disorder today and the numbers increase every year. These children are our future and they need your help. Help them... You can make a difference in these children's lives, if you want to, and I know you do. You are a wise man, if you weren't, you would not be the premier of Manitoba. Imagine our future if these children do not receive your help... You are our leader, our voice of reason. I know that as a parent alone, I can not make a change, but you... You can make all the difference to our children's lives and education.
The stress I have endured as a result of Dayton's discrimination has taken a toll on my health. I am currently on medical leave, and am available at your earliest convenience to meet with you.
You may reach me at home at 837-6308 or by cell phone at 771-4546. My email addresses are healthy.you.home@gmail.com and autism.diva.help@gmail.com. I look forward to your call.
Sincerely,
Lou Lovrin, a mom of a beautiful nine year old boy, who desperately seeks your help.
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