Feisty And Non Compliant - Can I Get A Behavior Plan Over Here???

Ah yes, t'is the season for IEP meetings.  Quick pop quiz...  What's an IEP meeting?  Come on, you can do it!  That's right, it's the individual education plan meeting.  All parents with special needs children get to have those twice a year.

Did you know there is a sales market geared at IEP's?  I'm serious.  Here's a couple of links for you to check out:
http://www.zazzle.ca/no_crying_in_iep_meetings_aprons-154740917622695277

This one is a little scary, but here you go:  http://www.beautifulmindsinc.com/video-right

http://hooverlaw.com/wordpress/?p=74

http://expertbeacon.com/successful-iep-meeting-requires-effective-parent-participation/#.UpltJMSkpRo

Love this picture I recently found about IEP's

If you've checked these out, you can understand why most parents come to these meetings prepared for battle.  We know what's waiting for us:  a cold, impersonal boardroom kind of place, with the school team on one side of the table, usually consisting of the educational assistant, teacher, principal, guidance counsellor and sometimes, if you're really lucky, the speech and language pathologist, physiotherapist and the special needs coordinator from the school division.  All these people are sitting at a table, together, right across from you and whomever you're lucky enough to have talked into coming to the meeting with you.  If you go alone, you sit alone.  It kind of feels like you're sitting rather than standing in front of a firing squad...   The feeling of judgement day is all around you.  The people across the table from you look down at you.  Uncomfortable?  Nooo...  A root canal is uncomfortable; this is a whole new level of discomfort my friend.  While the whole table agrees that there are delays in speech, language & communication, play and learning, no one seems to know how to help the child mainstream into the classroom in a way where he or she can learn and be a contributing member of the class.  So, since the self proclaimed professionals don't know how to help your child, they assure you that they are doing everything they humanly can and that you, as a parent... well... you  suck.  It is a discipline issue, that needs to be addressed at home, even though the behaviour generally only takes place at school.  So, the professionals now need to draft a behaviour plan, which in a nut shell, tells the parent 1) how to parent and 2) typically says that you will come and pick up your child early from school when there's a meltdown.

In the past, rather than go to these meetings alone, I called my CSS worker to come with me as well as Dayton's behavioural specialist.  Finally, I had asked a CFS worker to come join me in my fight for Dayton's rights at his school, as the three of us alone could not seem to get the school to understand that Dayton had a pervasive developmental disorder, along with ADHD, GDD and ODD, all contributing to how he relates with others, learns and understands the world in general to be.

This year is different.

We're in a new school division, and I am free to name it for you.  Seven Oaks School Division.

I prepared for the IEP meeting dressed to the hilt, red nails and all, ready to fight for my children and their rights.  Dayton's IEP came first.

There was no boardroom.  There was a small desk, three chairs, Dayton's guidance counsellor and his educational assistant, Mike and myself.  Even numbers...

"Dayton's had an amazing start to the new school year.  We're so impressed with how he's adjusted and how he's wanting to learn.  In fact, I've filed the negative notes from his past school in a different filing system, away from others, for my eyes only, as they do not describe the boy we have the pleasure of working with today..." said Dayton's guidance counsellor.  "We're actually shocked at how well he is reading, we weren't expecting him to read..."

Wow...  I sat on my hands, shamefully hiding my red nails.

I got to sit and listen to Dayton's educational assistant tell us how well Dayton works with her, and how yes, he does need constant guidance and supervision, as without her present, he figures he doesn't have to work, but still...  My baby is learning!!!  He's working hard!!!  No meltdowns as the staff nip it in the butt and are proactive!!!  They've gotten to know him and see trouble coming before it happens, stop it, and move on!  I left the meeting SMILING!

Next stop:  Amber's IEP meeting.

Friends, I was stunned.  As I walked into the room, we had a few more people on the other side of the table then we had at Dayton's IEP meeting:  Amber's teacher, her educational assistant, the speech & language pathologist, and someone from the school division.  On the table in front of us, they had Tim Horton's coffee and Timbits waiting for us!!!  Seriously!  No joke, this is a true story!  I've never been served anything during an IEP meeting other than "your son is feisty and non compliant, here's his IEP and behaviour plan, fix him, yourself and his father, you're wrong, we're right, you suck, now get out."  In fact, his old principal three years ago tried to tell me my son was a psychopath, etc...

I was in for another surprise.  The school staff sitting in front of Mike and myself were genuinely concerned about Amber and our took our fears of Amber's regression seriously.  They too noticed that she has been regressing, and had questions for us about how things were going at home, and what they could do to (wait for it, you're not going to believe it because I nearly fell off my chair when I heard them...) HELP!  The women sitting in front of us wanted to know how to help Amber!  They didn't criticize our parenting, they didn't blame us for her disability or accuse us of not disciplining our daughter.  They wanted to support us and praised us for everything we do for our children!

I quietly and as discreetly as I could, began to chip away at my nail polish under the table.

There is a reason the rear view mirror is very small in comparison to the huge windshield in front of me.  Where my children are headed is far more important than what we've left behind.  This school gets it.  And I am humbly grateful.

I left the school smiling so hard, my face hurt.  I've never left an IEP smiling before.  It always ended in tears and self loathing.



Consider yourselves hugged, especially those of you waiting for your turn in the dreaded IEP seat,

Lou

Smell My Finger

Oy vey...  The boy has struck again.  Not sure what's happening with him, but it's been a rough week.  It doesn't help that I've got this horrible ear and sinus infection, I'm working more hours now (which I need now that I have a car payment), and the excitement around his birthday wreaked a wee bit of havoc too.

Monday:  Missed the school bus because I had overslept.  My ear weeping, head about to explode from the sinus pressure, I dizzily drag my butt into Dayton's room to wake him up.  He said 'no,' rolled over and tried to go back to sleep.  Of course as much as I would have loved to do the same, it just wasn't an option.  I rip the covers off the boy, put my hands over my ears and start singing.  At this point I should let you know that even if I could hear myself properly, I am completely tone deaf and can't sing.  The sound is somewhere between a screeching cat and a cheetah's growl.  It's just not pretty.  The boy finally gets up, and I drive him to school.

While getting ready for work, I get a phone call from Dayton's teacher.  She hears my voice and apologizes for calling, telling me she'll call another time, but I insist to hear what prompted her to call me in the first place.  I don't want to lose sleep over something that may not be a big deal...  Boy, was I wrong...

My darling babe refused to do his math work with his educational assistant, telling her he didn't have to listen to her, and that he wasn't doing his work.  He swore at her.  When that didn't make her stop asking him to work, he found a broken chair leg and started poking at her. And when that failed...  He stuck his fingers up his rectum...  Yes.  He did.  And then tried to touch her.  And then he tried touching everything in the room.  And then he proceeded to go do his milk monitoring job refusing to wash his hands until the principal got involved.

Pardon my French, but WHAT THE HELL?!  My first impulse was to spank the boy and ground him for life.  Really?  Seriously?

Of course, I decided that I wasn't going to talk to Dayton until I 'chilled out,' literally.  I was so hot from my fever, I opened the freezer door and stuck my head in it, not kidding.  I sat Dayton down and told him I knew what happened at school and that I was not impressed.  He had no explanation for me, just looked at me like I had that third eye growing out of my forehead again.  Finally he says to me "I was too tired to do math."

"You didn't think you should tell your aid this?!"
"She knew I was tired."
"How did she know this Dayton?"
"Because I was tired."
"But you didn't tell her that, did you?"
"No."
"Then how was she supposed to know you were tired?"
"Because I was tired (rolling his eyes at me now, making my blood pressure rise)!"
"Dayton, no one knows what's happening for you unless you TELL them, you really need to use your words.  There's no projector in your head announcing to everyone what you're thinking.  Not only that, but sticking your fingers up your butt, really?!  What made you think that was appropriate in any way?!"
"I dunno."
I hate I dunno.
"Dayton, from now on, you need to earn twelve magnets per week before you can play your playstation on the the weekends.  Your teacher will let me know if you've done your work during the morning and afternoon.  Each time you do your work for that period, you get a magnet."
"But momma!!!  I have a hard time getting ten magnets!  Twelve is impossible!!!"
"No, it's not impossible.  There are five days in a school week, and you can earn two magnets each day.  Count my fingers..."
MELTDOWN CITY.

Tuesday:  Dayton drags his butt around the house in the morning, not listening to me to get ready for school.  We miss the bus.  He's rude to his educational assistant, telling her someone 'taddled' on him to his momma, and now he's 'gonna have to pay.'  The teacher asks me if I know what Dayton means by this statement, and I explain to her about having to earn two extra magnets a week (completely attainable) to be able to play his playstation on the weekend.
"Dayton, you have no right telling off your aid.  You are not to speak like that to her again!"
"Yes momma."
"And why would you say that you 'have to pay?!  Do you have any idea what that sounds like?  Why not just tell her that you have to earn two extra magnets a week?"
"She knows I pay with magnets."
"Dayton, again buddy, you need to use your words.  People can't read your mind and have no idea what you're thinking!!!"
"She knows I pay for everything with magnets!!!"
"No she doesn't Dayton.  You need to explain your thoughts.  People don't know what you're thinking buddy!!!"
"YES SHE DOES!!!"
Argh.

Wednesday:  Dayton again won't get ready for school and we AGAIN miss the school bus.

Thursday:  We miss the school bus again because Dayton refuses to get ready when I ask him to, even when I threaten to make him walk to school if he misses the bus again.  We miss the bus.  This time I won't let him in the car and tell him to start walking.  He refuses to walk and starts hitting my new Sexy Rexy

Today:  We miss the bus, but not due to Dayton's trouble getting ready...  the bus came early.  I'm still sick and tired.  I'm still bothered about the butt thing.


Anyways, consider yourselves hugged y'all,

Lou

Bullied Much?

Well, it's happened...  Dayton got bullied.  A switch from what he's accustomed to, as typically he's a wee bit of a bully whether or not he knows it for himself.  You know, do it my way or you're gonna get it kind of kid...

Anyways, as a mamma, it's pretty tough to swallow that your little guy's not accepted by other kids.  As a teacher, it became pretty clear that I was to use this as a teaching moment after a good cuddle, and a few "OMG, the nerve of that kid..."  Explaining to Dayton that yes, I understood his anger, and yes, he should definitely be upset, I then asked him how he thought the kids he used to "bully" felt.  At first he said "that's different mamma!"  Then reminded me how he never told other kids not to play with someone, like his bully did.  He never called anyone stupid, idiot or the R word like his bully does.  I explained to him that hitting others just because they didn't do what he thinks they should is a form of bullying too, just more physical.  He didn't say much, but I saw a little light bulb go off in his eyes.  Me thinks ma'babe gets it...  Time will tell.

The silver lining in this story is that when I called the principal, he assured me he would speak to the boys today, not something I would have heard last year.  Also, the teacher who's class the bullying took place in called me an hour after I spoke to the principal, assuring me that she's spoken to the principal and will also speak to Dayton about the situation he dealt with and how to better deal with it if it happens again.

It's good to know that the school is listening to my concerns.  I'm very glad that things have changed this year, as I'm not sure I could have survived another year of the way things used to be without going postal on someone.


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Has Special Needs Inclusion Gone Too Far? Part Deux

For the love of everything holly...

I never meant to insult parents by posting Has Special Needs Inclusion Gone Too Far in late November...  But I'm still getting hate email about this post, and quite frankly, it's starting to annoy me.

Yes, I agree with all the hate mail that said there are also bad teachers out there.  I totally 100% agree.  Dayton and I have met our fair share of them, believe me.  It appears that you have only read this one and only post and not the rest of my blog, so I forgive your ignorance.

I also agree with you that your special needs child has the right to an education like everyone else's child.  Absolutely.  But lets get real for a moment, shall we?

Who's best interest are we serving by having a fifteen year who's cognitive skills are that of a five year old sit in a grade ten classroom?  Do you honestly believe this child's rights are being met?  How about his or her education?  Give your head a shake people.  I'm not saying this child doesn't deserve an education or that he should not be in a classroom as he won't learn anything, I'm saying that this child needs to be in a classroom he or she can UNDERSTAND so that he CAN learn!!!  If the past nine years of teaching have had no educational value to this child, what makes you think he's going to improve in this atmosphere?

I'm sorry, but my son is in grade four.  Dayton is turning ten this February, but cognitively he thinks like a six year old.  He struggles with reading and writing and is sitting at about half way through grade one with reading.  Writing is more like kindergarten stage.  Oh, all right.  More like preschool...

As his mom, I want my baby to be with his peers, but NOT at the risk of his education.  Today's school system believes in social promotion.  Yesterday's school system was very different, but you know what?  It freaking worked.

I was out for coffee with a bunch of autism parents last Thursday night, and I was told by one of them that Winnipeg's drop out rate sits at 75%...  75%!!!  Why do you think that is?  I'll tell you why...  They can't read!!!  Why can't they read?  Social promotion!  I mean really...  I didn't want to fail, it would be very embarrassing, wouldn't it?  So I made sure I didn't fail and studied.  Don't get me wrong, I did the bare minimum.  I did my homework and by the grace of God passed, even math with which I struggled all through high school.

The first three years of elementary school you learn how to read.  Beginning in grade four, you are expected to learn from what you read.  How is Dayton doing here?  Obviously he's NOT.  Are his educational needs being met?  In a way I suppose they are, but at what cost?

Let's see...  can his teacher (who I swear is a saint) make up the one curriculum to teach her whole grade four classroom?  Ummmmmm...  NO.  I guarantee you that Dayton is not the only special needs student in her classroom either, so I'm going to bet that she's making a few lesson plans for her class.  Does she get paid extra for this work?  Ummmmm, NO.  Do you think she works past the time her "fourth graders" are dismissed? Ummmmm, YES.  Is this fair?  Ummmmm, NO!!!  I don't work for free, do you?  Why should she?  And yet, as a society, we expect her to, don't we?  Why?  Because our special needs kids have rights.

Let's get back to our special needs kids, shall we?  Do you think Dayton is having a good time in grade four?  Ummmmm, NO.  He likes his teacher, loved his beloved Educational Assistant, but he's not thrilled at seeing that he's 'different.'  At the end of the day, we're both exhausted, but we have extra work to do because as a parent, I want my baby to learn how to read and write.  Dayton wants to do what the rest of his peers are doing in the classroom...  but he knows that he's not capable of it.  What a blow to his little self esteem!!!  Our only grace this year has been his fantastic teacher.  Without her, I'm sure I'd have pulled out my hair, Dayton would be on more medication for stress, and there's no way I would be working now.  We'd sit on welfare, and I would most likely pull him out of school and home school him.

So back to the five year old stuck in a grade ten classroom...  Our Heavenly Father, I pray to you today that this five year old boy will not be my son.  I pray to you that if it is your will that this becomes my son, that you give me the courage to do what is RIGHT for my son and not what I selfishly WANT.  If this means that Dayton is not included with peers chronologically his age to see him happy with younger kids, please, open the eyes of my heart and not the eyes to my pride.  Please God, show me the way to my son's happiness and rights and blind me to my own selfish pride and sense of justice.

Amen.


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

I Am SPEECHLESS... And That's Saying A Lot!

Wow!

Holly Molly!

Right now...  I am speechless...  this does NOT happen often, so I urge you all to enjoy it, because I promise you, it won't last long...  I promise...

My day started off as always, with the exception of Dayton refusing to go school because his beloved educational assistant Mrs. H. is no longer at the school, so we missed the school bus and I had to drive him to school.  Then I raced home and got myself ready for my first day at a new job in pharmacy (WHICH I LOVE!!!).

I walked into the pharmacy as nervous as a porcupine walking through a balloon shop.  I've been an instructor for so long, I was sure the current pharmacy technicians had super high expectations of me...  you know, thinking I was God or something...  But they didn't.  In fact, I loved it there so much that I offered to come back after supper when Dayton's dad would be home to watch him.  I LOVED IT!!!  I felt productive for the first time in years!  More productive and appreciated than I had in all my time teaching.  I have a purpose again...  I feel fulfilled!  I can hardly wait until tomorrow when I go back to work!!!  The staff is amazing!!!

After work I had this brilliant idea of going to the bank...  in the mall...  Ohhhhh nnnoooooo....  I forgot about the sadistic Christmas shoppers out there, that are just chomping at the bit to assault you and anyone else standing in their way.  As I was waiting in line at the post office, the young girl standing in front of me in line pretty much verbally accosted the poor cashier.  It was horrible.  I could hardly wait to get home...  The mall is TOXIC this time of year.

After supper...  this is why I'm speechless...  I get a call from Dayton's teacher.  This is at 7pm at night...  and I'm thinking 'oh nnnnnooooo...  I'm going to have to quit my job, here we go...'

"I was just calling to tell you that Dayton had a fantastic day with his new aid.  He did great!  I also wanted to make sure that you knew the spelling test from last Friday is rescheduled for tomorrow.  He should do very well as he practices at school every day.  Oh, and did you get the work book you brought to the IEP meeting?  Would you like me to send Dayton's 'snake habitat' home tomorrow?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing!  I had told Dayton's teacher that I started my new job this morning, and she said that was another reason for her call, to see how I liked it!!!

I LOVE DAYTON'S NEW TEACHER!!!  I've never, ever had a teacher take the time out of HER evening, her unpaid time, time dedicated to herself and her family...  call me to say my babe had a fantastic day...  I am stunned into silence.  I'm speechless.  Someone pinch me, am I dreaming?!

Thank God for teachers like Mrs. G.  She's amazing!
She's certainly gone above and beyond my expectations...


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Autism Vs. Being A Little Puke

Perhaps 'puke' ain't the politically correct word I'm searching for, but I'm the kind of person who says it like it is.  My babe, my angel, my little man, the air I breathe, can be a little puke too.  The apple don't fall far from the tree, he is after all his father's son...  Dayton gets the good stuff from my side of the family, with the exception of his stubbornness...  I'll take full responsibility in that department.  I'm as stubborn as they get.  Oh, and the no co-ordination bit...  that I'm afraid is mine too.  There is no grace in my movements or the way I speak.  I'm red necked through and through.  It is what it is.  So is my babe.

Things have been going fantastic this year, with no phone calls home to come and get my babe early from school, no out of school suspensions, I don't think his royal highness even got an in school suspension this year.  If he has, I haven't been aware of it.  I've even called the school twice asking if Dayton even attends school, as I make sure he gets on the school bus in the morning, and I pick him up from the bus in the afternoon, but have not heard anything from the school, leading me to believe my babe may have figured out how to skip class, but nope.  The principal has assured me on both phone calls that my babe is there at school, every day.  While there have been a few incidents, they incidents have not been drastic enough to warrant a call home to me...  Wow!

The past few weeks Dayton has been complaining about gym class.  "Ugh mamma, she won't let me do gym 'cuz it takes me too long to get changed."
"Watch your grammar babe, it's 'because.'"
"Mamma, she won't let me do gym B.E.C.A.U.S.E. it takes me to long to get changed."
"Really?  Have you spoken to your teacher about this Dayton?"
"Yeah, she just gets mad and says I take too long to get ready."
"Have you asked her for help?"
"No."
"Maybe try asking her for help and see what happens."

Week two:
"Don't bother packing my gym clothes mamma, I'm not allowed to go to gym."
"Excuuuuuusssssssse me?"
"Don't bother packing my gym clothes mamma, I'm not allowed to go to gym."
"I heard you babe, but WHY are you not aloud to go to gym?"
"I take too long and can't tie my shoes in time to do the warm up.  Can't take gym if I don't do the warm up."
"Excuuuuuusssssssse me?"
"Ugh...  I take to long and can't tie my shoes in time to do the warm up..."
"I got it Dayton, thank you.  Have you asked your teacher to help you tie your shoes?"
"No."
"Have you asked your EA to help you tie your shoes?"
"No."
"Babe, what is stopping you from asking for help?"
"It doesn't matter.  I'm not allowed to change in the boy's change room anymore.  Don't pack my gym clothes."
"Excccccccuuuuuuuuuuusssssse me?"
"Ugh...  It doesn't matter.  I'm not allowed to change in the boy's change..."
"Got it Dayton.  Thank you.  Now what do you think mamma should do babe?  Should I call your gym teacher?"
"Yes mamma."
"O.K."
"Don't forget to ask her about deodorant too."
I really don't like the idea of Dayton using deodorant yet, as his skin is so sensitive....  but yes, I should ask her if he needs it, as we've been fighting about it for weeks.  Dayton's snuck into his dad's toiletry bag and used his deodorant last summer (at least that's what I think happened) and his arm pits were red, raw and cracked from it...)

So I get in touch with Dayton's phys. ed. teacher, who tells me a little bit of a different story.  Dayton's goofing off in the boy's change room.  He's swinging his back pack around, not really focusing on getting ready.  He's playing around and goofing off with the boys instead of getting ready.  She's talked to him numerous times to get ready and asked him to focus on the task of getting changed instead of goofing off, but he's not listening...  grrrr...  yeah, Dayton forgot about this part of the story.  The rest of his story is correct, except for the part where it is HIS idea NOT to participate in gym class.  When told to settle down and get ready for gym or he won't be participating, Dayton's chosen NOT TO participate.  Well I'll be...  In other words, he's being a little puke.  Really?!  I'm so kicking his butt when he gets home.  I'm going through the house and there are chores he will be helping me with today boy...  scrubbing the toilet, cleaning his room, vacuuming, taking out the trash, cleaning the kitty litter...  oh yes...  I can hardly wait for his little royal highness to get his behind home.  'Cuz when he does...  ma'home be all clean!  Grammar or no grammar, ma' home be spotless chil'e.  Oh yes.

Yes, even Einstein had his childish moments

Anyways, the teacher and I discussed how I can support her with Dayton's behaviour

I've asked the teacher to get his EA to fill out the report sheets I get at the end of the day, giving him a check mark for getting ready on time, asking for help if necessary and NOT goofing off.  This will give me an idea of whether or not he is making an attempt to participate in gym and listening to his teachers.

So you see, I get it.  I get my son has a disability, but not everything is to be blamed on his disability.  He knows how to follow the rules, he knows how to get ready for gym.  This is not a part of his autism, he's being a little puke.  A typical nine year old who just wants to mess around, ya know?  A part of me celebrates this, at least he's not delayed in this part of his milestones.


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Roses And Thorns

There's a column in a Campbell River local newspaper called Roses and Thorns.  I love the title!  And some of the gripping and loving stories are interesting, but what I found most interesting is that the 'thorns' stories were much, much longer than the 'rose' stories.  This made me think of me...  I hate it when that happens.

Why is it that we seem to do more gripping and complaining than we do telling 'rose' stories?  Possibly human nature, a sort of 'misery loves company kind of thing.'  Maybe we all pretend to be positive, but deep inside we're just negative Nelley's...

When it boils right down to it, my major 'thorn' is ignorance.  And not just ignorance when it comes to autism or ADHD, but any kind of ignorance.  I have no patience for stupid, or unsolicited advice.  All of my 'thorns' stem from people that have an intelligence deficiency, this includes members of my family (remember, I have a small 'blood related' family here in Canada, consisting of my dad, then Dayton and I.  Seeing how I think Dayton is the best thing since sliced bread, it's not him, leaving two of us left.  Another clue - it ain't me.  That leaves one person standing).

Now my 'roses...'
I don't speak of my 'roses' nearly enough as I should.  So I'd like to take this opportunity to do so...

- Dayton's grade four teacher...  Thank God for her.  I love her.  My son loves her, and tells me she 'gets' him.  Grade 4 has become the best year Dayton's had since kindergarten.  No phone calls home to complain about Dayton's behavior.  No 'novellas' like last year.

- Dayton's educational assistant.  Looks like she doesn't put up with his bossiness.  He doesn't control her or have her for lunch, and yet she's so tiny!  I am so grateful to have an educational assistant vs. an 'aid.'  I'm certain that between her and Dayton's teacher's efforts, they've managed to actually have my son learn how to read AND write!  Hooray!!!

- Dayton's guidance counselor.  I know...  Her and I have NEVER gotten along, and I always felt as though she was judging everything about me, right down to my face.  While this year the two of us have had limited contact, the contact we have had has been much more positive then in the past, and she's done a fantastic job researching air travel, preparing an interactive social story for Dayton to be more at ease to fly (remember, he was afraid of going on a plane because it may crash, but thanks to her hard work, he was quite at ease when the time came to travel).

- Dayton's resource teacher...  You know, even though the last two years have felt like I've lived in a literal hell, she was the only person that never had anything negative to say to me about Dayton.  She smiled whenever she saw us, especially at Dayton, and every time she saw me, she made sure to tell me how much she loves my babe.   I wish I knew her better.

- Grandpa Paul and Grandma Kathleen...  I don't even know where to begin with these two...  I love them and respect them as my own parents, calling them mom and dad.  Not only did dad cut short his business trip to come and be with us for grandpa Jerry's funeral, but the two of them sent us money to help us out financially knowing how difficult it was to financially not only make the trip to BC, but how difficult it was going to be for the next couple of weeks getting caught up on bills and meals.  Needless to say, we're not having much of a Christmas this year.  We won't have the cash to buy presents...  But, we will still have each other, and that's what makes Christmas, not the 'gifts.'  We are blessed to have grandpa Paul and grandma Kathleen in our lives, and blessed to be allowed to call them mom and dad, and blessed to have their love.  Dad spent a week consoling us about grandpa Jerry's death, helping with the family as a counselor, and gave grandma Margaret a book his own mother wrote after the death of his father.   And...  he babysat my bio dad...  The biggest Rose in God's creation to my daddy Paul.

- Cousin Evan and his wife Kim.  Whenever we come to Regina, they open their doors to us and give us a place to not only stay, but feel included in their family.  They've just received a blessed addition to their family, little Stensen, a bouncing baby boy, and I'm just absolutely dying to meet this little guy.  My next trip to Regina will be spent mostly with him, as I intend to give the mom and dad a night away from home to do whatever they want.  I can hardly wait!!!  I've seen pictures of little Stensen, and he's a real charmer, just like his daddy.

- My friends S and J who willingly accept Dayton for who he is, and love him as their own.  Their children are Dayton's best friends after school.

- Dayton's grandma Karen.  She just has this knack for knowing exactly what my boy is thinking.  She knows the difference between his autistic moments and his moments of being a little monkey.  She understands how he thinks, and works within his parameters to get the best out of him.  I'm totally missing her as she's not coming back from Colorado, and I don't have it in my heart to break the news to Dayton...

- My CSS worker Diana Sanders...  I no longer live in her catchment area, and haven't for a couple of years, yet she's still here with me, helping me get the diagnosis for Dayton and constantly offering a helping hand.

- My CFSSuderman.  She's given me back my self worth as a parent, and assurance that no matter how many times Dayton's school has called CFS, I AM more than just a good parent, and I love my child, and I will do whatever it takes to get Dayton whatever he needs.  She's been my backbone when I couldn't handle the school's ridicule of my parenting and Dayton's behavior.  Brenda has given me back my self respect, and that is a huge thing.  As a parent, having your child's school call CFS is a huge slap in the face, and it shows just what they think of you.  Brenda was there for me, assuring me that I am not what they've made me out to be, and that I am a fantastic parent. 



Consider yourselves hugged,


Lou

This Is It!!!

Our last day home before we head out to BC.  We're flying from Winnipeg to Edmonton, then to Vancouver, then finally to Nanaimo.  Flight with layover time will take 7 hours and 35 minutes.  But it ain't over yet.  We have to drive another two hours from Nanaimo to get to Campbell River.  This gives us 9 and 1/2 hours of travel for the day.

The more I think about it, the more freaked out I'm getting.  How will a kid on the autism spectrum make out on this long trip?  But then I think of his aunties and their husbands traveling from Australia to be there with their father, one of the couples with an infant.  27 hours of travel with a baby can't be an easy thing either, so I really gotta pull up my big girl panties here and chill out.  If they can do it, I can do it with Dayton.  I just hope he gets tired and passes out, at least during our two hour car ride.  I can't have Dayton be too cranky when he sees his grandpa, otherwise I'm going to have to wait an extra day to see him.

So...  my plan to keep Dayton preoccupied?  Let's see...  thank God for the guidance counselor's interactive social story!!!  I'm so going to be all over that!!!  We're definitely using the books she gave us on air travel.  Dayton's teacher also gave us some work to do, so I'm packing Dayton's school backpack with all of the work given to us by the school, this way he can not be bored.  I'm going to bring some Uno cards to pass the time during layovers.  Naturally, the iPod touch is coming with us too, as is the Nintendo DSi.  I've gotta find his little MP3 player, it's around here somewhere...  And I cannot forget to buy some gum, and a little wee bit of sedatives for your's truly...

Today will be spent finishing up on laundry, cleaning my home, and packing...  Yey!  You know I'm going to forget to pack something.  There is every reason to believe I'll forget something personal, like my underwear...  What did mamma say about accidents and clean underwear again?

I've got to get Dayton and I for a haircut, pick up our medication and some time tonight make time for Dayton to say goodbye to his buddies. 

We're told Jerry needs help with the simplest of things, to sit up, to stretch his arms and legs, and he's lying in a hospital bed in the living room.  He's surrounded by his favorite music, friends and family.  Communicating has become difficult for him and exhausting.  He's described by one of his daughters as kind, gentle and loving, much more so in the last few days.  While he may not be able to have a long winded conversation, and may only say two to three word sentences, his sense of humor is still in tact, and his witty personality still shines through.  

I do not know how much time I will have to write while in BC, but I will do my best to try. 


In the mean time, consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Anxiety Strikes Big Mamma

The closer we get to Thursday, the harder I chew on my gel nails.  They're really starting to hurt, I need to go get them babies fixed or yanked off...  I'm dreading this trip, feeling completely helpless and praying we see Dayton's grandpa in time.  Please Lord, hear my prayer!  We've been told to pack our funeral clothes...

It's so hard not to be selfish at a time like this.  I just want more time, you know?  The man's always been good to me, even when I knew he was seriously frustrated with me, especially when we played cards.  He always wanted me as a partner, but Lord knows it had nothing to do with my poker face.  I think he just enjoyed to see me squirm under his scrutiny.  "Lou, you have a partner you know!  Think about what I may have in my hand."  My all time favorite:  "Can you not count to fifteen girl?"  Ahhh yes...  He knew how to make a girl come close to tears.  But underneath that tough exterior, I know that he'd give me the shirt off his back.  There is a sensitive side to Jerry too.  I know he loves us, never had a doubt.  It breaks my heart to think I may not see him alive again.  It breaks my heart to see him alive and in pain.  I'm a mess...

Dayton on the other hand is doing just fine.  Looking at him, you'd never know our family was going through tough times.  This would be autism's blessing.  His biggest concern is getting on that plane, and being bored because he doesn't know anyone there and his friends can't come with us.  Neither can the cat, or his playstation.  "What am I going to do forever?!"  Little drama king...

Dayton's school has been super supportive.  The guidance counselor sent home a couple of books on flying, and an interactive social story for Dayton to present to the class when we get back home.

Dayton's teacher sent us a huge package today, filled with books for Dayton to read, sight word cards for Dayton and I to go over, and lots of writing material to help Dayton learn how to write.  She then called me after school to let me know she doesn't expect us to do all of the work (thank goodness!  I just saw the package!), to do as much or as little as we can, and that we were in her thoughts during this tough time.

I finally got to see the doctor this morning, and guess what?  Good news and bad.  I'm not contagious, so I can visit with Jerry.  Bad news is I have bronchitis and a sinus infection.  Awesome...  Thursday is going to be a super long day...


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou