Winnipeg's Children's Coalition - Help For Our Children With Autism?

The first time I published this post, I had 2 extremely negative emails from the person I spoke with at the Children's Coalition, telling me that I have no respect for privacy or regard for the "process."  I took the post off the blog, apologized to her, told her I am willing to work with her, but sadly she sent me another negative email, telling me she will not work with me as I mentioned the Children's Coalition (without mentioning her name) on facebook, and how disappointed I am with her unprofessional behavior of sending me the "hate emails."  I received her third and final email as I was in the emergency room with my son, the right side of his face covered in blood while playing at school...  A complete nightmare.  I was so angry, I unfortunately became quite unprofessional myself, telling her off...  I'm not proud of my words to her, but she really caught me at a super bad time...  Here's her third and final email (so she promises):

I cannot work with you.  Too bad but you obviously have no respect for me and the work that I do. 



This is what was written on the Autism Winnipeg Facebook page:

Ljubica Lovrin Mary, I think that the school staff is not ABLE. I'm not opposed to inclusion, let me make that clear, but I think we missed a fundamental step towards inclusion, which is autism training for the schools. I've been emailing the premier, calling my MLA, and both forwarded me to MB education, who as you've said may make suggestions, but the schools do not have to apply these changes. I've even contacted the Children's Coalition group, blogged about my experience and got a hate mail from the woman I spoke to, actually two hate emails... Rather disturbing, her claiming I have no respect for "privacy" because I posted her contact info, which she said in the same sentence is publicly available... I ended up taking the post off the blog... She's under the impression Dayton's issues in the education system is an isolated incident?! No body seems concerned about autism training in the education system, and I have a major problem with that. How on earth are they supposed to teach our children and keep them safe when they don't seem to understand that while a child with a form of autism can speak, may also have sensory issues, verbal expression issues, etc... It blows my mind!!! I'm just tired of being sent on all these wild goose chases! I've actually contacted CJOB and they're interested in interviewing me, after the flood crisis. Wendy Thede, a member of this group is willing to come with me to share her experiences with her son's education experience. It's sad that each parent has to fight for their child's education alone. I think it's time we banded together and spoke as one voice, loud and clear: Autism training is a must for school staff!!! It not only empowers the child, but the teachers as well. Thing would run much smoother with some support and understanding, instead of school staff believing at the root of a child's behavior is bad parenting.

And then my not so classy response back to her:

No problem! I have bigger and better problems to deal with. Your wonderful school system has landed my son in the emergency room, that's where I am right now! The whole right side of his face is covered in blood, thanks to the wonderfully trained autism staff our government has provided us with. Your delusional thought of our system is DEAD WRONG lady! I have absolutely no respect for someone who lies about how much they care about our children. You can be assured if Dayton loses the sight of his right eye, I will be contacting a lawyer and tell the world how much you've helped me! Congratulations! Your work has definitely changed our life! When I get home, I will be contacting the media. I will not be silenced!

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on the MTS High Speed Mobility Network

Like I said, I'm not proud of myself.  But there's only so much a mom can take in the middle of an emergency room...  I pride myself on being honest about my life to all of you, so I return the post to you...  So here's the original post, minus the "woman's" name.  If you really want to know who I spoke with, shoot me an email.


In talking to Brent Epp at Manitoba Education, and telling him how frustrating it is for me as a parent not to have choices when it comes to Dayton's education, he asked me if I would be willing to speak to the Children's Coalition.  He thought they may be helpful in my plight for children on the autism spectrum to have educators skilled to successfully include them in the classroom.  "Sure, I'll talk to them.  What have I got to lose?"

Here's our email correspondence before our meeting yesterday morning:

Hi Lou;  I received a message from Brent Epp

I trust that this provides you with a bit of a background and welcome your questions if you would like to know more.  Bye for now,  ---- The Children’s Coalition


Hi----,


I'm not sure we view inclusion in the same fashion...  Let me clarify my view.


I love the "theory" of inclusion and fully believe that my son Dayton can be integrated or mainstreamed in public school.  However...  It seems the schools either choose not to genuinely include our children or they don't have the skills to include them.  I've been fighting an up hill battle for the last 4 years, and frankly, I'm tired of it. 


My son has PDD-NOS, so we're talking high functioning autism.  He's also been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD and global delays.  He spends more time in the hallway than he does in the classroom. 


I think the two of us have spoken last year if I'm not mistaken...


Feel free to give me a call, and we can discuss further.  I'm very interested in making inclusion work, providing that it is genuine inclusion.




Thanks,


Lou


Hi Lou;  The situation for you son does not sound very appropriate or inclusive, as you say.  Have you spoken with the student services administrator for your school division to discuss this?  I might also suggest getting in touch with Joanna Blais at Manitoba Education.  You have already spoken with Brent Epp so perhaps you have already gone this route.  Which school and school division are you in?  I would welcome the opportunity for a discussion but prefer face to face if that is OK with you.  Let me know if your schedule would permit this.  Thanks,----


I am on medical leave due to developing irritable bowel syndrome due to the stress from experiencing our wonderful school system. I am available most of the time, with the exception of this Friday morning and next Monday afternoon. Give me a call and we can arrange an appointment to see each other.


Lou
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on the MTS High Speed Mobility Network



Deja vu...been there and done that.  This too shall pass...a good mantra to keep in mind as you go along.  How does Monday at 10 am sound?  We could meet at 120 Maryland in the CL-MB office (main floor opposite the board room). ----


That sounds great -----. I will see you at 10 am Monday April 9th.

I look forward to seeing you then,

Lou
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on the MTS High Speed Mobility Network


I should have known it wasn't going to be this easy...
"Hi Lou?  This is %$^&$ school calling.  Dayton doesn't seem to be feeling well this morning."
"All right, I will be there in 5 minutes..."

Hi ----,

I have to pick up Dayton from school, so I may run a little late... Hope you get the message before ten :(

Lou
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on the MTS High Speed Mobility Network



I wish she had given me her phone number!!!  Maybe Marlene Gregory from Manitoba Education warned her before she made the first email contact.  Would have been super helpful for me to have her number at this time...  Dayton was sick, and expected me to pick him up and take him home.  Finding out we were on our way to a meeting sent him into a melt down, which fortunately I calmed down before entering her office.  Non the less, it would have been nice to be able to have the option to reschedule...



Here's her email to me after our "meeting:"

Potoula Locken from the St. James School Division and really have a heart to heart on how things have been going with Dayton, what you concerns are and what you would like to see for him in the future.  Be specific re: the numerous suspensions, the incident report, his perceived threatening behaviour.  Explain your perceptions of how the school is dealing with Dayton’s personality and how you are able to deal with it at home.  Bring along the report from MATC with their suggested strategies.  Then ask Potoula how St. James supports students with needs like Dayton’s.  Is there a behavioural support team who can consult with his school, teachers, principal?  What kind of supports are there within the school division for students with autism and global development delay.

In short, you want to work with her to figure out what appropriate education looks like for Dayton and where that can happen. 

It would probably help if you wrote down your comments and questions to keep the conversation focussed so that you leave with answers as opposed to more questions.  If you would like someone to come along, I would be willing, or you might consider a close friend, or someone who knows Dayton and has worked effectively with him. 

This is really a fact-finding mission for you and should help you get a clearer idea of how Dayton can be supported to have a successful educational experience at school.

Let me know how things go. ----

Yes, me thinks the lady didn't hear a word I said...  She must not have heard me when I told her how Dayton's been to three different school divisions and that the problem is staff understanding or even acknowledging that autism is a neurological disorder, not a choice.  She also seem to have missed my point of how this isn't just about Dayton, but all of our children!!!  Now, I understand that people have worked very, very hard in making "inclusion" a policy in this province in 2004/2005.  I get it.  We don't want go 'regress' to the way things used to be where our children were segregated.  I totally get it.  Who wants that for their child?  But I think we've missed an enormous step here...  the training of teachers, educational assistants, guidance counselors, resource teachers and principals in HOW TO INCLUDE  OUR KIDDOS!!!  Successful inclusion is one in where the staff understand the difference between a child being difficult or misbehaving and a child having sensory issues and is just not able to cope.  Also, common sense would be a nice touch.  We need educating staff with COMMON SENSE!!! 

It almost seems as though I may have to start a 'grass roots movement' so to speak.  Apparently my voice is just not loud enough.  I ruffle feathers everywhere I go, and seem to piss people off left, right and center, but it's just not enough!  The people who seem to understand me when I say that at the root of our education problem for our kiddos is under qualified staff get seriously offended and therefore won't do anything about it.  These people I speak of is the school division of course.  And then there's the ones who could potentially do something (like the premier's office), but freaking well miss the boat, possibly because I'm one lone parent, who will get tired of the fight and just disappear as long as 'we' continue ignoring her and pretend we misunderstand her.  They understand me all right, they just choose to ignore one lone parent's voice.  Manitoba parents, I think I may be needing your help.  I can't seem to do this alone, so if you feel your child is not being included or taught or cared for, discriminated against, is not understood, etc. email me at autism.diva.help@gmail.com. 

My view is whatever option works best for our children is the direction to go.  Contrary to some belief, I am not against inclusion, I just want genuine inclusion, not cosmetic.  With your email, include your views on your child's education.  We don't all have to agree on everything, but I see over 2,700 views on this blog since I started it on February 28th, so I'm just gonna say there's enough of you out there that are unhappy with your child's treatment or education.  Let's start our own coalition!  A coalition where a parent has a CHOICE in their children`s education.  Where division boarders are not an issue, and we can support our children`s education with staff that is qualified to include them in our public schools.  Or perhaps we need a school designed for our children?  I'm not sure what the answer is, but I WOULD APPRECIATE SOME FEED BACK.  Please email me and let me know your thoughts, and also email me with things you would like to be talked about on this blog.  If you would like to share a story, email it to me and I'll be more than happy to post them on the blog.

I would like to extend this invitation not just to parents, but to educational assistants out there, teachers, grandparents, friends of parents who are raising a child with autism, or other diagnoses such as ADHD, global delays, SPD, etc.  Come and join me on this crazy road trip, one that begins with a drive to the schools, school divisions and government and ends with a detour through legislation to make a change.  This adventure will take you deep into the beautiful minds of our children and deposit you safely back at your original destination.  Please remember to fasten your seat belt and hold on because otherwise you might get thrown into a serious state - and that's seldom a fun place to be.  Advocate with me!  In your email, include an organizational name you'd like for us to be known as.  LET'S DO THIS!

Even though the Children's Coalition information is PUBLICLY AVAILABLE, here's her information to shorten your search.


Community Living - Manitoba
#6-120 Maryland Street
Winnipeg, MB
R3G 1L1
Phone:  786-1607

organization's email:  aclmb@alcmb.ca
website:  www.aclmb.ca


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Autism Help In Public School Fading

When I read this story, my heart nearly broke into pieces.  It is an absolute sin to have your expertise questioned simply because someone doesn't agree with your opinion, or because you have a moral compass and "inconveniently" expose the truth.  While this may not be happening here in Winnipeg, Ontario is our next door neighbor, and our school divisions throughout Canada are very much the same, with the exception of Alberta.

I know since I have been ruffling feathers on a daily basis through school divisions and the government, Dayton's school has done what they can to make my life a living nightmare.  I can only imagine what they've done to this poor woman as a professional!  




http://www.windsorstar.com/life/Autism+Ontario+removes+outspoken+worker/4729380/story.html

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

It's Mother's Day!  You wake up in the morning with hugs and kisses from your little guys and girls who scream  "Happy Mother's Day!"  They are super excited to give you the gifts they've crafted for you.  They eagerly give you the cards they made with pride.  Oh, and don't forget the breakfast tray, with freshly ground and brewed coffee...  THAT'S IN YOUR DREAMS AND TV ONLY!!!  Reality is just a wee bit different.

"Get up, momma, get up!!!  I'm hungry, I'm thirsty and get up!!!"
"Ugh..."  I literally roll myself out of bed and stumble into the kitchen to get that rejuvenating liquid, nectar of the Gods called coffee...  On my way to the coffee pot, I walk into walls, trip over air, smack into the fridge and knock things off the kitchen island.  The highlight of my morning is pouring that first cup of coffee and taking that very first whiff and sip of it.  Ummmmmm...  Coffee good!

"I want oatmeal, your oatmeal, not dad's oatmeal."  Little does he know that it's not my oatmeal, it's the instant Quaker Oats people's oatmeal he wants.  Crap.  I'm out of Apple Cinnamon...  Here we gooooooo :(  This is going to be a fun melt down, unless of course he decides the package of maple and brown sugar flavored oatmeal will do the trick.  We'll find out in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and "Houston!  Houston, we have a problem!!!"


To all of us hard working, butt kicking, edu fighting, edu teaching, schedule making, autism reading, autism learning, autism coping moms out there, know I'm here, wishing you a Happy Mother's Day.


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Am I Smarter Than A Third Grader?

In my last conversation with the principal where she threw a 5 page "Threat Incident Report" at me, she also informed me that Dayton had not produced much work in the past three weeks.  I offered to come to his classroom and show the aid what I do at home to help Dayton get his work done.  Surprisingly enough, the principal took me up on my offer.  And so yesterday, I went to grade 3.  Just for two hours, but still.  I went to grade 3!

I entered Dayton's school totally nervous, experiencing the same heebie jeebies I would on the first day of a new job.  With thoughts of "what if the kids make fun of me, or worse, what if they make fun of Dayton because his mom is here?" running through my head, I quickly come to a sense of calm seeing my baby waiting with his teacher's assistant for me in the hallway.  I'm thinking "thank you Lord!  You've heard my prayers!"  Dayton had a big grin on his face, obviously pleased to see me.  Seeing his smile melt my heart.

We started working in the resource room.  It was just the three of us:  Dayton, his aid and myself.  The aid whipped out a list of 31 topics, and asked Dayton to pick one.  I'm like "whoa there Nelly, let's narrow that list down a little, shall we?  Let's see what I know will interest Dayton.  31 choices is like 28 choices too many.  Let's narrow it down to three, shall we?"

One of the choices was to look at a picture of yourself with your mom (yes, every kid in grade 3 carries a picture of himself with his mom in his wallet, cause they like to get beat up), and write out what's happening in the picture.  It just so happens I had my blackberry with me (never, ever leave home without it), and I have many pictures on it.  Dayton stopped me at a picture of him and his friend with "daddy" in front of a big, huge "man toy" of a crane.  This crane was so huge, just the tires alone were double the height of Dayton.  Very impressive.  So I asked the aid if we can substitute "dad" for "mom," and he agreed we could.

I helped Dayton tell his story, and the aid wrote it out on a piece of paper.  Then Dayton had to type the story out on the computer.

I didn't want Dayton to cheat.  I wanted him to show his aid that we've been working on writing at home, and to show him how I helped Dayton write.  At this time, I again thanked the Lord that we were sitting alone in private, and not in the classroom with twenty-nine other students. 

I'm sounding out every letter of each word, sounding like a complete fool or a mental patient.  I covered the piece of paper the aid had written Dayton's story on so Dayton couldn't cheat off it.  I made him spell it, having him hear me sound out the words slowly and dragging each letter.  I sounded, well...  awkward.  But, it's how I help my son write.  As long as it gets the job done, who cares how moronic I look.  I don't mind him laughing at me, especially if it makes it interesting for him to learn.  The sacrifices us mothers make! 

The principal and guidance counselor kept spying on us in the hallway.  I may have sounded like a moron, but that doesn't mean I am one.  These women are like vultures.  I'm thinking they figured there was no way in hell I'd be able to get Dayton to do a stitch of work.  Wrong ladies (I have a much more interesting names to call them, but this is a family blog ;)!  My boy works for me, cause I make it INTERESTING, and don't mind making a fool of myself to get the job done.  Take that!

Recess!

I can do recess!  Or so I thought.  Did you know that small children refer to adults in the third person and never directly?  Yup, they do!

So the kids are crawling on a structure I want to call monkey bars, but I'm not quite sure what it really is.  It looks like a globe, with tons of multi-colored bars running in all different direction.  Looking at it directly made me vomit, just a little in my mouth.  It hurt my eyes.

Then I hear one of the kids say "I'm nine years old."
Another says "I'm eight,"
The first one says "How old you think she is (and I know he's referring to me)?"
"I'm eight years old" I yelled back impulsively.
"Do you think she's really eight years old?" asks the first kid.
"Yeah, I'm really big for my age..." I added.
"My mom's that big, and she's twenty-eight."  Says the second kid.  I'm thinking, jeesh, I wish.
"Big people act weird."  Says the first kid.  And I'm thinking 'who you calling big, kid?  So I'm a couple lbs. over weight, check yourself out first, you with the pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground...'

Dayton and a buddy decide to go play on the swings.  Still nauseated, I follow weakly behind them.  The boys twisted and flipped the seats and handles over and over and over again, giving me motion sickness.  They did this until they shortened the swings to where the seats were just above their heads!  I wondered how on earth they were going to climb in the swings and use them...  I had no idea my little darling angel was an acrobat!!!  You should have seen these boys twisting, turning and bending their bodies to slide into these seats!  It was freaking amazing!!!

But then...  they started to swing...  Up, up, up super high, and then...
"Look Dayton's mom!  No hands!  5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and JUMP!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!" But the boys ignore me, Dayton's aid is laughing hysterically at me, and I'm standing there freaking out, that little bit of vomit turning into a lump in my mouth.  Then both boys jump out and roll on the gravel.  They're fine, I'm not.  I'm dry heaving and doing my best not to puke.  The boys did this act over and over and over and over again.  I couldn't watch.  Dayton's aid thought I was quite entertaining.  I didn't think so, but I could see how one would think I was being a drama queen.  You see, I'm a wee bit over protective of my babe...  No really, I really am.  I know, hard to believe, but I'm afraid it's true.  Thank goodness I was saved by the bell.  Recess is over, time to go back inside.

Time for art.  A big glob of blue paint and white paint is put on Dayton's art paper.  He's given a straw and told to blow at the glob of paint...  The poor kid got light headed, I had to take him out to get some water.  But, we finished it!  Of course, my black pretty shirt is covered in blue and white paint, but hey, we got the job done.  Mental note:  do not sit across to Dayton when he's blowing air through a straw...

Next art project was for Social Studies.  Dayton was to find pictures from magazines that reminded him of home, country and family.  He was to cut them out and paste them on a piece of art paper.  OK!  Easy!

As Dayton and I flip through magazines, he finds a picture of lit Halloween Jacko lanterns and lit cut out pumpkin faces.  He decides to cut the picture out to represent "country." 
Next, he finds a picture of a blackberry...  He cuts this out because it remind him of home, both Glen and I have a blackberry, and as I've said, I never, ever leave home without it.
Well...  then he finds a picture of a car that has run into a huge boulder.  On the boulder is a yellow hard hat...  The smashed up car apparently reminds Dayton of me and the yellow hard hat reminded him of Glen.  Fantastic!  I'd just like to add here that I'm a good driver and only been in three car accidets.  Only one of those was my fault.  He cuts the darn picture and pastes it to the piece of paper.
The cutest and funniest picture he finds is a cat standing on his hind legs, with his legs crossed as it needs to go to the bathroom.  Dayton cuts this picture out as he finds it funny and wants it to represent his cat "Jack."

I feel a sense of accomplishment.  My son is grinning from ear to ear.  He's worked hard for me today.  Dayton has managed to do work that the teacher and aid have tried to get him to do for the past two days with no success.  I'll admit, I feel as little smug as I've proven to them all that Dayton is fully capable, and willing to do the work, providing you make it INTERESTING.  My boy's no robot.  He's a kid with a sense of humor, and being funny is important to him.  Not only does he enjoy making others laugh, he enjoys to laugh himself.  I'm so glad I had the opportunity to give him a giggle at school.  I'm glad I was able to be there for him in his moment of success, how many parents of "normal" children are able to say the same?

Hug your children, give them praise and kisses and love them.  They're worth the hard work.  Thank the Lord He's chosen us to take care of his angels.  I wouldn't change my babe for the world.


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

My Acceptance Of Dayton's Diagnoses

 I say diagnoses as he has many, but the most life altering one is obviously the autism one.  Dayton's ADHD can be challenging as he has a fire lit under his butt most of the time and needs to touch everything twice in 15 minutes, but it really doesn't impair his learning as much as the PDD-NOS diagnosis. 

We've gone through the steps of grief, and I don't have it all together yet, but acceptance is the act of letting go and allowing Dayton to be who he is peacefully.  I hope all of us parents can do this, not for the sake of my cause, but for you and your child.  Acceptance does not mean you will not worry about your child's future.  But...  you will see your child improve and be much, much happier. 

I fear for this unpredictable child who is not only out of step with the world, but whose feet rarely touch the ground.  With his insatiable curiosity and hardheaded drive, will he beat paths of greatness and discovery, the likes of Winston Churchill or Michelangelo?  I want to believe that.  Or will he find his measure of happiness drifting in and out of this world, living solely off his enthusiasm, imagination, and penchant for living life to its fullest?

Then one day I saw Dayton clearly in the lines of Henry David Thoreau.  He wrote, "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.  Let him step to the music which he hears."

I quit beating my drum for conformity and listened to his beat for a while.  His pace was a bit more relaxed, the order of his schedule a bit different.  For example, watching a caterpillar cross the driveway took precedent over taking a bath.  Finishing a pair of homemade stilts preceded dinner.  The awe of discovering newborn birds in the spouting beat reading about "Look At Spot Run."

Knowing about mental flexibility helps you to accept those behaviors that are resistant to change and better understand some of the behaviors you have previously found unacceptable.  What would have driven you crazy before, now can even be viewed as endearing.  As situations arise, you are better equipped to pick your battles, deciding whether to address it and explain, or accept it and enjoy who they are at that moment in time.  Understanding the impact that lack of mental flexibility has on their behavior can go a long way towards improving the quality of life for all involved. 

If you're struggling in recognizing your child's mental flexibility, drop me an email and lets talk about it. 

Acceptance.  It goes hand in hand with understanding.  Once you take the time to observe your child, and ask yourself questions as "who, what, where, when and how," you will get the understanding.  Put yourself in your child's shoes and see through his/her eyes.  Once you come to understand, you will accept.  Understanding takes time and patience.  Trust me, I'm as inpatient as one can get, so if I can do it, so can you.

I always thought that I would have so much to teach my child, but I find that it is my child who has taught me.  I'm beginning to appreciate Dayton for his differences.  I know it's changed many of my previous perspectives and made me a different person.  Much, much different, and I have my son to thank for this.  I am perfectly, imperfect.

Now stop beating the drum of conformity.  Put the drum down, and just back away...  Your child will connect much more strongly with you, and work on conforming on his own time.  The more we force it, the more they will resist.  In his or her own time, they will pick the drum up themselves.  

Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Your Life Is In Danger By My Son?!

Oy Vey...  Yes, It's been one of them days.

Apparently Dayton (keep in mind the little rascal weighs 60 lbs and stands about 4'2") has threatened to hurt his teacher, by kicking HER in the "balls where it will really hurt..."  Yes, I said HER. 

Dayton was sitting at his table with his peers, cutting out action figures with weapons as he likes to do on a daily basis.  This is nothing new.  Nothing out of the ordinary (the school has no idea how to stop him, and has allowed it to continue), but this time his teacher demanded he hand over the scissors.  Not sure in what moment of insanity she figured he'd comply as he cuts with these scissors EVERY DAY.  Of course Dayton said no.  Of course he did.  You can't just decide one day that the boy can't cut anymore.  The more she urged to to hand the scissors over, the more he argued that he wasn't "finished."

If there's one thing that every parent knows, and so should every educator, if your child on the autism spectrum is in the middle of doing something, telling him to stop before he's finished is not a good idea.  Unless of course he is being a danger to himself or others, let's not get stupid here.  If Dayton is working on a project, he literally can not move on to anything else until he is finished.  Transitioning from Math to Science on a drop of a dime is next to impossible for him.  He needs to have notice.  If he's playing outside and of course I'm outside supervising his play and trying to use some of the therapists advice, blah, blah, blah, I need to give him at least a 10 minute warning that we will be heading in soon.  Then again let him know he has 8 minutes, then 6 minutes, then 4 minutes, then 2 minutes then 1 minute.  I have to carry a freaking timer where ever I go.  He needs NOTICE so that he is prepared to transition to another activity.  Period.  I've told the school this many, many times.  If I have to tell them again, I'm going lose my ever living mind.

So Dayton's teacher does not give him any notice, and demands him to hand over the scissors.  Can you see where this is going?  I'm sure you can...

After the third demand, Dayton lost it.  He told her he would stab her with the scissors (totally inappropriate, I know it, you know it) and kicked her in the shin.  Awesome (being sarcastic here).  Then tells her the next time he will "kick her in the balls where it really hurts."  This incident took place on April 19th.  I was not told about the incident until 10 days after the fact.  When I was told about it, I was presented with a formal, five page "Threat Incident Report" with the word "CONFIDENTIAL" stamped on each page.

I ask the principal why the sudden change in report.  She's always sent me an email or if she had to write up an incident report, it was typed on a sheet of paper with her signature at the bottom.  The difference this time is because the Dayton's teacher felt her life was in danger!!!  Awwwwwesoooome!!!  How does a 170 lb adult fear a 60 lb child?!  Someone please answer this question!  Through flaring nostrils the principal tells me that Manitoba Education is coming for a visit to the school...  Ahhh, so the truth finally comes out...

"Ahhh, so advocating for my child has consequences then..."
"That's not what I said..."
"That's the message I'm getting.  You know this report is 10 days old.  Why hadn't someone contacted me?"
"You weren't contacted?"
"Nope.  So I want a copy of this report please."
"We're not suppose to give you a copy, it clearly states that one copy goes to the School Division and the other copy remains with the school and no additional copies are permitted in circulation."
"I'm not leaving without a copy of this report.  I have all day.  I'm on medical leave." 
I got the copy.

Clearly, Dayton's educators have no control over Dayton, in fact, it's the other way around.  How is he supposed to learn from these so called "professionals?"  It amazes me each time I speak with the principal, how Dayton is cursing, hitting and threatening, while at home he wouldn't dare to swear at me or strike me.  While I understand that there are thirty children in the classroom, he does also have a full time aid that should be at his side.  This aid should understand Dayton by now, he's been with him since September.   The aid should also be in charge of Dayton, not the other way around.

I think it's safe to say that at the root of Dayton's behavior problem is a simple notion called RESPECT.  Dayton respects me, and I respect him back in return.  I recognize when he's upset, when he's tired, and when he needs a break and intervene.  Why?  Not because I'm his mother, but because I understand that without the intervention, Dayton's behavior will get out of control.  Also, as his mother, I am in charge of the situation.  Dayton knowing I respect him, also knows I have his best interest at heart.  If he doesn't feel he's respected or understood (which he is not at school), he will take matters in his own hands.  This is not just Dayton as a child with autism, but Dayton as a child, period.



This in no way means that I condone Dayton's behavior.  Absolutely not!  But I do understand it. 




Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Finally, A Response From The Premier's Office!!!

Remember my post titled "An Email To The Premier Of Manitoba Regarding Our Children With Autism Spectrum Disorders?"  I sent that email on April 26th.  Getting impatient, as we all know how impatient I am, I decide to call the Premier's office.

Premier's answering service:  "Your email is under review."
"Under review?  What does that mean?"
"I'm not sure..."
"You're not sure?!  Could you pass the phone to someone who can help me?"
"Yeah, can you hold?"

Silence.  Not even elevator music.  On hold for five minutes.  Do you know how long five minutes is when there's no music and you're ticked beyond belief?  It's a looooooooooong time.  By the time the poor girl got back on the phone, I was ready to scream.

She gets back on the phone:  "Your email is under review, meaning 'they're' looking at it."
"Does that mean 'they're' reading it now?  How long until someone calls me to discuss my email?"
"I'm not sure..."
"Well, put me on hold and find out, or get someone who does know on the phone!"  I've lost all patience now.  I have things to do and people to annoy.  Ugh!  I'm betting she's blond and her name is Bubbles.  I'm wondering if she's the coffee and donut girl.

Bubbles finally gets back on the phone, stammering:  "Reviews take between one and two weeks, then someone will get back to you."
"I don't have two weeks.  I'm very upset, and I've just been handed a five page "Threat Incident Form" from my son's school because the teacher feels my son puts her life in danger.  It seems the school thinks a 60 lb 9 year old is able to kill a 170 lb adult woman.  Each page is stamped with the word "CONFIDENTIAL."  I'm guessing this has to do with your office transferring the call I made to you last week to my MLA, who in turn called Manitoba Education.  Manitoba Education in turn called me as well as Dayton's school.  The principal threw the five page "Threat Incident Report" at me and through flaring nostrils told me Manitoba Education was paying them a visit.  Awwwwwwesoooooome...  So you see, I need to talk to someone NOW!!!"
Bubbles:  "Ummm, OK, would you like me to leave a message?"
"Ummmm, yeah!  Do that!"

About an hour later, I get an email:

May 2, 2011

Lou Lovrin

healthy.you.home@gmail.com

Dear Ms Lovrin:

On behalf of the Honourable Greg Selinger, Premier of Manitoba, I would like to thank you for your recent email.

We have taken the liberty of forwarding a copy of your correspondence to Honourable Nancy Allan, Minister of Education, and to Honourable Gord Mackintosh, Minister of Family Services for their consideration and response. 

Once again, thank you for writing to Premier Selinger.

Sincerely,

Judith Baldwin

Coordinator of the

Premier’s Secretariat

Of course, I lost my ever living mind.  Did Judith bother to read my email, or just saw the word autism and decided to forward the email to Manitoba Education?  Seriously?!  I had been calling the Premier's office since noon yesterday, when I received the email.  I've left at least a dozen messages for Judith to call me back.  This afternoon, I snapped.  I call the Premier's office at 3:26pm this afternoon, and guess who answers the phone...  That's right, it's miss Bubbles!  Oh joy!

"Hi, I just spoke to you a couple of minutes ago, and quite frankly, I'm done talking to you after this phone call.  I've left a dozen messages for Judith already, so I want you to leave her a new message.  Tell her I'm mad.  Tell her I've spoken to CJOB radio station and told them my story.  They're interested in doing an interview with me.  You let her know that if I don't hear back from her by 4pm tomorrow, I'm not only doing the interview with CJOB, but I'm going to Global TV and CTV and the Winnipeg Sun.  Any questions?"

Half an hour later, I get a call from Judith. Had I known that all I had to do is threaten her, I would have made this threat in my email to the Premier.

Judith sounded concerned about my fight for Dayton's education, completely missing the boat.
"This is not just about Dayton Judith, this is about all kids with disabilities.  1% of our children are now being diagnosed with some form of autism.  This 1% does not include the rest of the disabilities children are being diagnosed with.  We have a problem in our education system.  Parents are forced into bankruptcy because they have no faith in our education system and have to home school their children.  During today's "The Town Hall" on CJOB, a concerned parent asked the Premier why his teenage daughter's high school has 2 law textbooks for the entire class.  The teacher has to photocopy the textbook for the rest of the class.  WE HAVE A PROBLEM!  It needs to be addressed!  This is not something Manitoba Education can change, only our Premier can, which is why I emailed him, only to have YOU respond to me.  THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE."

I continued with my views on "inclusion" and how I really loved the "theory" of "inclusion," our children are not experiencing genuine inclusion.  As parents we don't have a choice in our children's education, nor do the schools get help with our children from the government, other than money.  We need more services, more Occupational Therapists, more Speech Therapists, more autism savy educators and teacher's assistants... etc.

She promised my concerns are not falling on deaf ears, and that she will be calling me back.  I told her not to bother unless I get an appointment with the premier.  And if I don't...  I told her to let him know that I will be talking to him on CJOB in person during his "The Town Hall" interviews every first Tuesday of the month from 11am to noon Central time!

Let's see what happens, shall we?!


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou