We did not make it on time. Once we got to Vancouver, we found out that grandpa Jerry had passed away shortly after lunch. Stuck at the Vancouver airport for two hours, crying uncontrollably, all we had was each other. An elderly lady saw Dayton sobbing and feeling horrible for him, came to ask me what was wrong with my son... I explained we had lost his grandpa, and she shared with me how she had just lost her husband a month ago...
Shock does not begin to describe what we went through at the airport. I felt a sense of exhaustion that I cannot begin to put into words or describe. I just sat, held my son, rocked back and forth more for my sake than his. I just wanted to go home. I saw no point in going forth in my travels. I just wanted to go home. My facebook friends told me to be strong, to continue my travel to Campbell River as family and friends needed me. I wondered who would be there for me...
I do not wish to sound selfish when I say this, but I always end up being a care taker of others. When push comes to shove, there is no one there for me. My friends always call me when they need something, wanting something or are in trouble. When I tell them my sorrows, their eyes seem to glaze over. There are only a few friends that have never done that to me: mom Kathleen and dad Paul and another friend of mine, but the two of us have a hard time getting together in person. Speaking of Dad Paul, he is going to come to Campbell River just to be of support to the family. I know I can always count on him.
When we got to Campbell River, we drove straight to the family home as the body was waiting for us in the living room to pay our respects. I wasn't sure if I wanted Dayton to see his dead grandpa, but at the same time, I didn't have the right to make this decision for him.
Dayton was and still is a trooper. Yes, he cried, but he was not afraid to be in a room with grandpa Jerry. He doesn't mind talking about grandpa, but he is sad...
As for the long trip yesterday (eleven hours of travel), Dayton did fantastic. Hes been a good boy and very comforting.
Considering myself hugged,
Lou
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Friday, 21 October 2011
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
Your Life Is In Danger By My Son?!
Oy Vey... Yes, It's been one of them days.
Apparently Dayton (keep in mind the little rascal weighs 60 lbs and stands about 4'2") has threatened to hurt his teacher, by kicking HER in the "balls where it will really hurt..." Yes, I said HER.
Dayton was sitting at his table with his peers, cutting out action figures with weapons as he likes to do on a daily basis. This is nothing new. Nothing out of the ordinary (the school has no idea how to stop him, and has allowed it to continue), but this time his teacher demanded he hand over the scissors. Not sure in what moment of insanity she figured he'd comply as he cuts with these scissors EVERY DAY. Of course Dayton said no. Of course he did. You can't just decide one day that the boy can't cut anymore. The more she urged to to hand the scissors over, the more he argued that he wasn't "finished."
If there's one thing that every parent knows, and so should every educator, if your child on the autism spectrum is in the middle of doing something, telling him to stop before he's finished is not a good idea. Unless of course he is being a danger to himself or others, let's not get stupid here. If Dayton is working on a project, he literally can not move on to anything else until he is finished. Transitioning from Math to Science on a drop of a dime is next to impossible for him. He needs to have notice. If he's playing outside and of course I'm outside supervising his play and trying to use some of the therapists advice, blah, blah, blah, I need to give him at least a 10 minute warning that we will be heading in soon. Then again let him know he has 8 minutes, then 6 minutes, then 4 minutes, then 2 minutes then 1 minute. I have to carry a freaking timer where ever I go. He needs NOTICE so that he is prepared to transition to another activity. Period. I've told the school this many, many times. If I have to tell them again, I'm going lose my ever living mind.
So Dayton's teacher does not give him any notice, and demands him to hand over the scissors. Can you see where this is going? I'm sure you can...
After the third demand, Dayton lost it. He told her he would stab her with the scissors (totally inappropriate, I know it, you know it) and kicked her in the shin. Awesome (being sarcastic here). Then tells her the next time he will "kick her in the balls where it really hurts." This incident took place on April 19th. I was not told about the incident until 10 days after the fact. When I was told about it, I was presented with a formal, five page "Threat Incident Report" with the word "CONFIDENTIAL" stamped on each page.
I ask the principal why the sudden change in report. She's always sent me an email or if she had to write up an incident report, it was typed on a sheet of paper with her signature at the bottom. The difference this time is because the Dayton's teacher felt her life was in danger!!! Awwwwwesoooome!!! How does a 170 lb adult fear a 60 lb child?! Someone please answer this question! Through flaring nostrils the principal tells me that Manitoba Education is coming for a visit to the school... Ahhh, so the truth finally comes out...
"Ahhh, so advocating for my child has consequences then..."
"That's not what I said..."
"That's the message I'm getting. You know this report is 10 days old. Why hadn't someone contacted me?"
"You weren't contacted?"
"Nope. So I want a copy of this report please."
"We're not suppose to give you a copy, it clearly states that one copy goes to the School Division and the other copy remains with the school and no additional copies are permitted in circulation."
"I'm not leaving without a copy of this report. I have all day. I'm on medical leave."
I got the copy.
Clearly, Dayton's educators have no control over Dayton, in fact, it's the other way around. How is he supposed to learn from these so called "professionals?" It amazes me each time I speak with the principal, how Dayton is cursing, hitting and threatening, while at home he wouldn't dare to swear at me or strike me. While I understand that there are thirty children in the classroom, he does also have a full time aid that should be at his side. This aid should understand Dayton by now, he's been with him since September. The aid should also be in charge of Dayton, not the other way around.
I think it's safe to say that at the root of Dayton's behavior problem is a simple notion called RESPECT. Dayton respects me, and I respect him back in return. I recognize when he's upset, when he's tired, and when he needs a break and intervene. Why? Not because I'm his mother, but because I understand that without the intervention, Dayton's behavior will get out of control. Also, as his mother, I am in charge of the situation. Dayton knowing I respect him, also knows I have his best interest at heart. If he doesn't feel he's respected or understood (which he is not at school), he will take matters in his own hands. This is not just Dayton as a child with autism, but Dayton as a child, period.
This in no way means that I condone Dayton's behavior. Absolutely not! But I do understand it.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Apparently Dayton (keep in mind the little rascal weighs 60 lbs and stands about 4'2") has threatened to hurt his teacher, by kicking HER in the "balls where it will really hurt..." Yes, I said HER.
Dayton was sitting at his table with his peers, cutting out action figures with weapons as he likes to do on a daily basis. This is nothing new. Nothing out of the ordinary (the school has no idea how to stop him, and has allowed it to continue), but this time his teacher demanded he hand over the scissors. Not sure in what moment of insanity she figured he'd comply as he cuts with these scissors EVERY DAY. Of course Dayton said no. Of course he did. You can't just decide one day that the boy can't cut anymore. The more she urged to to hand the scissors over, the more he argued that he wasn't "finished."
If there's one thing that every parent knows, and so should every educator, if your child on the autism spectrum is in the middle of doing something, telling him to stop before he's finished is not a good idea. Unless of course he is being a danger to himself or others, let's not get stupid here. If Dayton is working on a project, he literally can not move on to anything else until he is finished. Transitioning from Math to Science on a drop of a dime is next to impossible for him. He needs to have notice. If he's playing outside and of course I'm outside supervising his play and trying to use some of the therapists advice, blah, blah, blah, I need to give him at least a 10 minute warning that we will be heading in soon. Then again let him know he has 8 minutes, then 6 minutes, then 4 minutes, then 2 minutes then 1 minute. I have to carry a freaking timer where ever I go. He needs NOTICE so that he is prepared to transition to another activity. Period. I've told the school this many, many times. If I have to tell them again, I'm going lose my ever living mind.
So Dayton's teacher does not give him any notice, and demands him to hand over the scissors. Can you see where this is going? I'm sure you can...
After the third demand, Dayton lost it. He told her he would stab her with the scissors (totally inappropriate, I know it, you know it) and kicked her in the shin. Awesome (being sarcastic here). Then tells her the next time he will "kick her in the balls where it really hurts." This incident took place on April 19th. I was not told about the incident until 10 days after the fact. When I was told about it, I was presented with a formal, five page "Threat Incident Report" with the word "CONFIDENTIAL" stamped on each page.
I ask the principal why the sudden change in report. She's always sent me an email or if she had to write up an incident report, it was typed on a sheet of paper with her signature at the bottom. The difference this time is because the Dayton's teacher felt her life was in danger!!! Awwwwwesoooome!!! How does a 170 lb adult fear a 60 lb child?! Someone please answer this question! Through flaring nostrils the principal tells me that Manitoba Education is coming for a visit to the school... Ahhh, so the truth finally comes out...
"Ahhh, so advocating for my child has consequences then..."
"That's not what I said..."
"That's the message I'm getting. You know this report is 10 days old. Why hadn't someone contacted me?"
"You weren't contacted?"
"Nope. So I want a copy of this report please."
"We're not suppose to give you a copy, it clearly states that one copy goes to the School Division and the other copy remains with the school and no additional copies are permitted in circulation."
"I'm not leaving without a copy of this report. I have all day. I'm on medical leave."
I got the copy.
Clearly, Dayton's educators have no control over Dayton, in fact, it's the other way around. How is he supposed to learn from these so called "professionals?" It amazes me each time I speak with the principal, how Dayton is cursing, hitting and threatening, while at home he wouldn't dare to swear at me or strike me. While I understand that there are thirty children in the classroom, he does also have a full time aid that should be at his side. This aid should understand Dayton by now, he's been with him since September. The aid should also be in charge of Dayton, not the other way around.
I think it's safe to say that at the root of Dayton's behavior problem is a simple notion called RESPECT. Dayton respects me, and I respect him back in return. I recognize when he's upset, when he's tired, and when he needs a break and intervene. Why? Not because I'm his mother, but because I understand that without the intervention, Dayton's behavior will get out of control. Also, as his mother, I am in charge of the situation. Dayton knowing I respect him, also knows I have his best interest at heart. If he doesn't feel he's respected or understood (which he is not at school), he will take matters in his own hands. This is not just Dayton as a child with autism, but Dayton as a child, period.
This in no way means that I condone Dayton's behavior. Absolutely not! But I do understand it.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)