It's Mother's Day! You wake up in the morning with hugs and kisses from your little guys and girls who scream "Happy Mother's Day!" They are super excited to give you the gifts they've crafted for you. They eagerly give you the cards they made with pride. Oh, and don't forget the breakfast tray, with freshly ground and brewed coffee... THAT'S IN YOUR DREAMS AND TV ONLY!!! Reality is just a wee bit different.
"Get up, momma, get up!!! I'm hungry, I'm thirsty and get up!!!"
"Ugh..." I literally roll myself out of bed and stumble into the kitchen to get that rejuvenating liquid, nectar of the Gods called coffee... On my way to the coffee pot, I walk into walls, trip over air, smack into the fridge and knock things off the kitchen island. The highlight of my morning is pouring that first cup of coffee and taking that very first whiff and sip of it. Ummmmmm... Coffee good!
"I want oatmeal, your oatmeal, not dad's oatmeal." Little does he know that it's not my oatmeal, it's the instant Quaker Oats people's oatmeal he wants. Crap. I'm out of Apple Cinnamon... Here we gooooooo :( This is going to be a fun melt down, unless of course he decides the package of maple and brown sugar flavored oatmeal will do the trick. We'll find out in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and "Houston! Houston, we have a problem!!!"
To all of us hard working, butt kicking, edu fighting, edu teaching, schedule making, autism reading, autism learning, autism coping moms out there, know I'm here, wishing you a Happy Mother's Day.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Sunday, 8 May 2011
Friday, 6 May 2011
Am I Smarter Than A Third Grader?
In my last conversation with the principal where she threw a 5 page "Threat Incident Report" at me, she also informed me that Dayton had not produced much work in the past three weeks. I offered to come to his classroom and show the aid what I do at home to help Dayton get his work done. Surprisingly enough, the principal took me up on my offer. And so yesterday, I went to grade 3. Just for two hours, but still. I went to grade 3!
I entered Dayton's school totally nervous, experiencing the same heebie jeebies I would on the first day of a new job. With thoughts of "what if the kids make fun of me, or worse, what if they make fun of Dayton because his mom is here?" running through my head, I quickly come to a sense of calm seeing my baby waiting with his teacher's assistant for me in the hallway. I'm thinking "thank you Lord! You've heard my prayers!" Dayton had a big grin on his face, obviously pleased to see me. Seeing his smile melt my heart.
We started working in the resource room. It was just the three of us: Dayton, his aid and myself. The aid whipped out a list of 31 topics, and asked Dayton to pick one. I'm like "whoa there Nelly, let's narrow that list down a little, shall we? Let's see what I know will interest Dayton. 31 choices is like 28 choices too many. Let's narrow it down to three, shall we?"
One of the choices was to look at a picture of yourself with your mom (yes, every kid in grade 3 carries a picture of himself with his mom in his wallet, cause they like to get beat up), and write out what's happening in the picture. It just so happens I had my blackberry with me (never, ever leave home without it), and I have many pictures on it. Dayton stopped me at a picture of him and his friend with "daddy" in front of a big, huge "man toy" of a crane. This crane was so huge, just the tires alone were double the height of Dayton. Very impressive. So I asked the aid if we can substitute "dad" for "mom," and he agreed we could.
I helped Dayton tell his story, and the aid wrote it out on a piece of paper. Then Dayton had to type the story out on the computer.
I didn't want Dayton to cheat. I wanted him to show his aid that we've been working on writing at home, and to show him how I helped Dayton write. At this time, I again thanked the Lord that we were sitting alone in private, and not in the classroom with twenty-nine other students.
I'm sounding out every letter of each word, sounding like a complete fool or a mental patient. I covered the piece of paper the aid had written Dayton's story on so Dayton couldn't cheat off it. I made him spell it, having him hear me sound out the words slowly and dragging each letter. I sounded, well... awkward. But, it's how I help my son write. As long as it gets the job done, who cares how moronic I look. I don't mind him laughing at me, especially if it makes it interesting for him to learn. The sacrifices us mothers make!
The principal and guidance counselor kept spying on us in the hallway. I may have sounded like a moron, but that doesn't mean I am one. These women are like vultures. I'm thinking they figured there was no way in hell I'd be able to get Dayton to do a stitch of work. Wrong ladies (I have a much more interesting names to call them, but this is a family blog ;)! My boy works for me, cause I make it INTERESTING, and don't mind making a fool of myself to get the job done. Take that!
Recess!
I can do recess! Or so I thought. Did you know that small children refer to adults in the third person and never directly? Yup, they do!
So the kids are crawling on a structure I want to call monkey bars, but I'm not quite sure what it really is. It looks like a globe, with tons of multi-colored bars running in all different direction. Looking at it directly made me vomit, just a little in my mouth. It hurt my eyes.
Then I hear one of the kids say "I'm nine years old."
Another says "I'm eight,"
The first one says "How old you think she is (and I know he's referring to me)?"
"I'm eight years old" I yelled back impulsively.
"Do you think she's really eight years old?" asks the first kid.
"Yeah, I'm really big for my age..." I added.
"My mom's that big, and she's twenty-eight." Says the second kid. I'm thinking, jeesh, I wish.
"Big people act weird." Says the first kid. And I'm thinking 'who you calling big, kid? So I'm a couple lbs. over weight, check yourself out first, you with the pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground...'
Dayton and a buddy decide to go play on the swings. Still nauseated, I follow weakly behind them. The boys twisted and flipped the seats and handles over and over and over again, giving me motion sickness. They did this until they shortened the swings to where the seats were just above their heads! I wondered how on earth they were going to climb in the swings and use them... I had no idea my little darling angel was an acrobat!!! You should have seen these boys twisting, turning and bending their bodies to slide into these seats! It was freaking amazing!!!
But then... they started to swing... Up, up, up super high, and then...
"Look Dayton's mom! No hands! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and JUMP!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!" But the boys ignore me, Dayton's aid is laughing hysterically at me, and I'm standing there freaking out, that little bit of vomit turning into a lump in my mouth. Then both boys jump out and roll on the gravel. They're fine, I'm not. I'm dry heaving and doing my best not to puke. The boys did this act over and over and over and over again. I couldn't watch. Dayton's aid thought I was quite entertaining. I didn't think so, but I could see how one would think I was being a drama queen. You see, I'm a wee bit over protective of my babe... No really, I really am. I know, hard to believe, but I'm afraid it's true. Thank goodness I was saved by the bell. Recess is over, time to go back inside.
Time for art. A big glob of blue paint and white paint is put on Dayton's art paper. He's given a straw and told to blow at the glob of paint... The poor kid got light headed, I had to take him out to get some water. But, we finished it! Of course, my black pretty shirt is covered in blue and white paint, but hey, we got the job done. Mental note: do not sit across to Dayton when he's blowing air through a straw...
Next art project was for Social Studies. Dayton was to find pictures from magazines that reminded him of home, country and family. He was to cut them out and paste them on a piece of art paper. OK! Easy!
As Dayton and I flip through magazines, he finds a picture of lit Halloween Jacko lanterns and lit cut out pumpkin faces. He decides to cut the picture out to represent "country."
Next, he finds a picture of a blackberry... He cuts this out because it remind him of home, both Glen and I have a blackberry, and as I've said, I never, ever leave home without it.
Well... then he finds a picture of a car that has run into a huge boulder. On the boulder is a yellow hard hat... The smashed up car apparently reminds Dayton of me and the yellow hard hat reminded him of Glen. Fantastic! I'd just like to add here that I'm a good driver and only been in three car accidets. Only one of those was my fault. He cuts the darn picture and pastes it to the piece of paper.
The cutest and funniest picture he finds is a cat standing on his hind legs, with his legs crossed as it needs to go to the bathroom. Dayton cuts this picture out as he finds it funny and wants it to represent his cat "Jack."
I feel a sense of accomplishment. My son is grinning from ear to ear. He's worked hard for me today. Dayton has managed to do work that the teacher and aid have tried to get him to do for the past two days with no success. I'll admit, I feel as little smug as I've proven to them all that Dayton is fully capable, and willing to do the work, providing you make it INTERESTING. My boy's no robot. He's a kid with a sense of humor, and being funny is important to him. Not only does he enjoy making others laugh, he enjoys to laugh himself. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to give him a giggle at school. I'm glad I was able to be there for him in his moment of success, how many parents of "normal" children are able to say the same?
Hug your children, give them praise and kisses and love them. They're worth the hard work. Thank the Lord He's chosen us to take care of his angels. I wouldn't change my babe for the world.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
I entered Dayton's school totally nervous, experiencing the same heebie jeebies I would on the first day of a new job. With thoughts of "what if the kids make fun of me, or worse, what if they make fun of Dayton because his mom is here?" running through my head, I quickly come to a sense of calm seeing my baby waiting with his teacher's assistant for me in the hallway. I'm thinking "thank you Lord! You've heard my prayers!" Dayton had a big grin on his face, obviously pleased to see me. Seeing his smile melt my heart.
We started working in the resource room. It was just the three of us: Dayton, his aid and myself. The aid whipped out a list of 31 topics, and asked Dayton to pick one. I'm like "whoa there Nelly, let's narrow that list down a little, shall we? Let's see what I know will interest Dayton. 31 choices is like 28 choices too many. Let's narrow it down to three, shall we?"
One of the choices was to look at a picture of yourself with your mom (yes, every kid in grade 3 carries a picture of himself with his mom in his wallet, cause they like to get beat up), and write out what's happening in the picture. It just so happens I had my blackberry with me (never, ever leave home without it), and I have many pictures on it. Dayton stopped me at a picture of him and his friend with "daddy" in front of a big, huge "man toy" of a crane. This crane was so huge, just the tires alone were double the height of Dayton. Very impressive. So I asked the aid if we can substitute "dad" for "mom," and he agreed we could.
I helped Dayton tell his story, and the aid wrote it out on a piece of paper. Then Dayton had to type the story out on the computer.
I didn't want Dayton to cheat. I wanted him to show his aid that we've been working on writing at home, and to show him how I helped Dayton write. At this time, I again thanked the Lord that we were sitting alone in private, and not in the classroom with twenty-nine other students.
I'm sounding out every letter of each word, sounding like a complete fool or a mental patient. I covered the piece of paper the aid had written Dayton's story on so Dayton couldn't cheat off it. I made him spell it, having him hear me sound out the words slowly and dragging each letter. I sounded, well... awkward. But, it's how I help my son write. As long as it gets the job done, who cares how moronic I look. I don't mind him laughing at me, especially if it makes it interesting for him to learn. The sacrifices us mothers make!
The principal and guidance counselor kept spying on us in the hallway. I may have sounded like a moron, but that doesn't mean I am one. These women are like vultures. I'm thinking they figured there was no way in hell I'd be able to get Dayton to do a stitch of work. Wrong ladies (I have a much more interesting names to call them, but this is a family blog ;)! My boy works for me, cause I make it INTERESTING, and don't mind making a fool of myself to get the job done. Take that!
Recess!
I can do recess! Or so I thought. Did you know that small children refer to adults in the third person and never directly? Yup, they do!
So the kids are crawling on a structure I want to call monkey bars, but I'm not quite sure what it really is. It looks like a globe, with tons of multi-colored bars running in all different direction. Looking at it directly made me vomit, just a little in my mouth. It hurt my eyes.
Then I hear one of the kids say "I'm nine years old."
Another says "I'm eight,"
The first one says "How old you think she is (and I know he's referring to me)?"
"I'm eight years old" I yelled back impulsively.
"Do you think she's really eight years old?" asks the first kid.
"Yeah, I'm really big for my age..." I added.
"My mom's that big, and she's twenty-eight." Says the second kid. I'm thinking, jeesh, I wish.
"Big people act weird." Says the first kid. And I'm thinking 'who you calling big, kid? So I'm a couple lbs. over weight, check yourself out first, you with the pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground...'
Dayton and a buddy decide to go play on the swings. Still nauseated, I follow weakly behind them. The boys twisted and flipped the seats and handles over and over and over again, giving me motion sickness. They did this until they shortened the swings to where the seats were just above their heads! I wondered how on earth they were going to climb in the swings and use them... I had no idea my little darling angel was an acrobat!!! You should have seen these boys twisting, turning and bending their bodies to slide into these seats! It was freaking amazing!!!
But then... they started to swing... Up, up, up super high, and then...
"Look Dayton's mom! No hands! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and JUMP!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!" But the boys ignore me, Dayton's aid is laughing hysterically at me, and I'm standing there freaking out, that little bit of vomit turning into a lump in my mouth. Then both boys jump out and roll on the gravel. They're fine, I'm not. I'm dry heaving and doing my best not to puke. The boys did this act over and over and over and over again. I couldn't watch. Dayton's aid thought I was quite entertaining. I didn't think so, but I could see how one would think I was being a drama queen. You see, I'm a wee bit over protective of my babe... No really, I really am. I know, hard to believe, but I'm afraid it's true. Thank goodness I was saved by the bell. Recess is over, time to go back inside.
Time for art. A big glob of blue paint and white paint is put on Dayton's art paper. He's given a straw and told to blow at the glob of paint... The poor kid got light headed, I had to take him out to get some water. But, we finished it! Of course, my black pretty shirt is covered in blue and white paint, but hey, we got the job done. Mental note: do not sit across to Dayton when he's blowing air through a straw...
Next art project was for Social Studies. Dayton was to find pictures from magazines that reminded him of home, country and family. He was to cut them out and paste them on a piece of art paper. OK! Easy!
As Dayton and I flip through magazines, he finds a picture of lit Halloween Jacko lanterns and lit cut out pumpkin faces. He decides to cut the picture out to represent "country."
Next, he finds a picture of a blackberry... He cuts this out because it remind him of home, both Glen and I have a blackberry, and as I've said, I never, ever leave home without it.
Well... then he finds a picture of a car that has run into a huge boulder. On the boulder is a yellow hard hat... The smashed up car apparently reminds Dayton of me and the yellow hard hat reminded him of Glen. Fantastic! I'd just like to add here that I'm a good driver and only been in three car accidets. Only one of those was my fault. He cuts the darn picture and pastes it to the piece of paper.
The cutest and funniest picture he finds is a cat standing on his hind legs, with his legs crossed as it needs to go to the bathroom. Dayton cuts this picture out as he finds it funny and wants it to represent his cat "Jack."
I feel a sense of accomplishment. My son is grinning from ear to ear. He's worked hard for me today. Dayton has managed to do work that the teacher and aid have tried to get him to do for the past two days with no success. I'll admit, I feel as little smug as I've proven to them all that Dayton is fully capable, and willing to do the work, providing you make it INTERESTING. My boy's no robot. He's a kid with a sense of humor, and being funny is important to him. Not only does he enjoy making others laugh, he enjoys to laugh himself. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to give him a giggle at school. I'm glad I was able to be there for him in his moment of success, how many parents of "normal" children are able to say the same?
Hug your children, give them praise and kisses and love them. They're worth the hard work. Thank the Lord He's chosen us to take care of his angels. I wouldn't change my babe for the world.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Thursday, 5 May 2011
My Acceptance Of Dayton's Diagnoses
I say diagnoses as he has many, but the most life altering one is obviously the autism one. Dayton's ADHD can be challenging as he has a fire lit under his butt most of the time and needs to touch everything twice in 15 minutes, but it really doesn't impair his learning as much as the PDD-NOS diagnosis.
We've gone through the steps of grief, and I don't have it all together yet, but acceptance is the act of letting go and allowing Dayton to be who he is peacefully. I hope all of us parents can do this, not for the sake of my cause, but for you and your child. Acceptance does not mean you will not worry about your child's future. But... you will see your child improve and be much, much happier.
I fear for this unpredictable child who is not only out of step with the world, but whose feet rarely touch the ground. With his insatiable curiosity and hardheaded drive, will he beat paths of greatness and discovery, the likes of Winston Churchill or Michelangelo? I want to believe that. Or will he find his measure of happiness drifting in and out of this world, living solely off his enthusiasm, imagination, and penchant for living life to its fullest?
Then one day I saw Dayton clearly in the lines of Henry David Thoreau. He wrote, "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears."
I quit beating my drum for conformity and listened to his beat for a while. His pace was a bit more relaxed, the order of his schedule a bit different. For example, watching a caterpillar cross the driveway took precedent over taking a bath. Finishing a pair of homemade stilts preceded dinner. The awe of discovering newborn birds in the spouting beat reading about "Look At Spot Run."
Knowing about mental flexibility helps you to accept those behaviors that are resistant to change and better understand some of the behaviors you have previously found unacceptable. What would have driven you crazy before, now can even be viewed as endearing. As situations arise, you are better equipped to pick your battles, deciding whether to address it and explain, or accept it and enjoy who they are at that moment in time. Understanding the impact that lack of mental flexibility has on their behavior can go a long way towards improving the quality of life for all involved.
If you're struggling in recognizing your child's mental flexibility, drop me an email and lets talk about it.
Acceptance. It goes hand in hand with understanding. Once you take the time to observe your child, and ask yourself questions as "who, what, where, when and how," you will get the understanding. Put yourself in your child's shoes and see through his/her eyes. Once you come to understand, you will accept. Understanding takes time and patience. Trust me, I'm as inpatient as one can get, so if I can do it, so can you.
I always thought that I would have so much to teach my child, but I find that it is my child who has taught me. I'm beginning to appreciate Dayton for his differences. I know it's changed many of my previous perspectives and made me a different person. Much, much different, and I have my son to thank for this. I am perfectly, imperfect.
Now stop beating the drum of conformity. Put the drum down, and just back away... Your child will connect much more strongly with you, and work on conforming on his own time. The more we force it, the more they will resist. In his or her own time, they will pick the drum up themselves.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
We've gone through the steps of grief, and I don't have it all together yet, but acceptance is the act of letting go and allowing Dayton to be who he is peacefully. I hope all of us parents can do this, not for the sake of my cause, but for you and your child. Acceptance does not mean you will not worry about your child's future. But... you will see your child improve and be much, much happier.
I fear for this unpredictable child who is not only out of step with the world, but whose feet rarely touch the ground. With his insatiable curiosity and hardheaded drive, will he beat paths of greatness and discovery, the likes of Winston Churchill or Michelangelo? I want to believe that. Or will he find his measure of happiness drifting in and out of this world, living solely off his enthusiasm, imagination, and penchant for living life to its fullest?
Then one day I saw Dayton clearly in the lines of Henry David Thoreau. He wrote, "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears."
I quit beating my drum for conformity and listened to his beat for a while. His pace was a bit more relaxed, the order of his schedule a bit different. For example, watching a caterpillar cross the driveway took precedent over taking a bath. Finishing a pair of homemade stilts preceded dinner. The awe of discovering newborn birds in the spouting beat reading about "Look At Spot Run."
Knowing about mental flexibility helps you to accept those behaviors that are resistant to change and better understand some of the behaviors you have previously found unacceptable. What would have driven you crazy before, now can even be viewed as endearing. As situations arise, you are better equipped to pick your battles, deciding whether to address it and explain, or accept it and enjoy who they are at that moment in time. Understanding the impact that lack of mental flexibility has on their behavior can go a long way towards improving the quality of life for all involved.
If you're struggling in recognizing your child's mental flexibility, drop me an email and lets talk about it.
Acceptance. It goes hand in hand with understanding. Once you take the time to observe your child, and ask yourself questions as "who, what, where, when and how," you will get the understanding. Put yourself in your child's shoes and see through his/her eyes. Once you come to understand, you will accept. Understanding takes time and patience. Trust me, I'm as inpatient as one can get, so if I can do it, so can you.
I always thought that I would have so much to teach my child, but I find that it is my child who has taught me. I'm beginning to appreciate Dayton for his differences. I know it's changed many of my previous perspectives and made me a different person. Much, much different, and I have my son to thank for this. I am perfectly, imperfect.
Now stop beating the drum of conformity. Put the drum down, and just back away... Your child will connect much more strongly with you, and work on conforming on his own time. The more we force it, the more they will resist. In his or her own time, they will pick the drum up themselves.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
Your Life Is In Danger By My Son?!
Oy Vey... Yes, It's been one of them days.
Apparently Dayton (keep in mind the little rascal weighs 60 lbs and stands about 4'2") has threatened to hurt his teacher, by kicking HER in the "balls where it will really hurt..." Yes, I said HER.
Dayton was sitting at his table with his peers, cutting out action figures with weapons as he likes to do on a daily basis. This is nothing new. Nothing out of the ordinary (the school has no idea how to stop him, and has allowed it to continue), but this time his teacher demanded he hand over the scissors. Not sure in what moment of insanity she figured he'd comply as he cuts with these scissors EVERY DAY. Of course Dayton said no. Of course he did. You can't just decide one day that the boy can't cut anymore. The more she urged to to hand the scissors over, the more he argued that he wasn't "finished."
If there's one thing that every parent knows, and so should every educator, if your child on the autism spectrum is in the middle of doing something, telling him to stop before he's finished is not a good idea. Unless of course he is being a danger to himself or others, let's not get stupid here. If Dayton is working on a project, he literally can not move on to anything else until he is finished. Transitioning from Math to Science on a drop of a dime is next to impossible for him. He needs to have notice. If he's playing outside and of course I'm outside supervising his play and trying to use some of the therapists advice, blah, blah, blah, I need to give him at least a 10 minute warning that we will be heading in soon. Then again let him know he has 8 minutes, then 6 minutes, then 4 minutes, then 2 minutes then 1 minute. I have to carry a freaking timer where ever I go. He needs NOTICE so that he is prepared to transition to another activity. Period. I've told the school this many, many times. If I have to tell them again, I'm going lose my ever living mind.
So Dayton's teacher does not give him any notice, and demands him to hand over the scissors. Can you see where this is going? I'm sure you can...
After the third demand, Dayton lost it. He told her he would stab her with the scissors (totally inappropriate, I know it, you know it) and kicked her in the shin. Awesome (being sarcastic here). Then tells her the next time he will "kick her in the balls where it really hurts." This incident took place on April 19th. I was not told about the incident until 10 days after the fact. When I was told about it, I was presented with a formal, five page "Threat Incident Report" with the word "CONFIDENTIAL" stamped on each page.
I ask the principal why the sudden change in report. She's always sent me an email or if she had to write up an incident report, it was typed on a sheet of paper with her signature at the bottom. The difference this time is because the Dayton's teacher felt her life was in danger!!! Awwwwwesoooome!!! How does a 170 lb adult fear a 60 lb child?! Someone please answer this question! Through flaring nostrils the principal tells me that Manitoba Education is coming for a visit to the school... Ahhh, so the truth finally comes out...
"Ahhh, so advocating for my child has consequences then..."
"That's not what I said..."
"That's the message I'm getting. You know this report is 10 days old. Why hadn't someone contacted me?"
"You weren't contacted?"
"Nope. So I want a copy of this report please."
"We're not suppose to give you a copy, it clearly states that one copy goes to the School Division and the other copy remains with the school and no additional copies are permitted in circulation."
"I'm not leaving without a copy of this report. I have all day. I'm on medical leave."
I got the copy.
Clearly, Dayton's educators have no control over Dayton, in fact, it's the other way around. How is he supposed to learn from these so called "professionals?" It amazes me each time I speak with the principal, how Dayton is cursing, hitting and threatening, while at home he wouldn't dare to swear at me or strike me. While I understand that there are thirty children in the classroom, he does also have a full time aid that should be at his side. This aid should understand Dayton by now, he's been with him since September. The aid should also be in charge of Dayton, not the other way around.
I think it's safe to say that at the root of Dayton's behavior problem is a simple notion called RESPECT. Dayton respects me, and I respect him back in return. I recognize when he's upset, when he's tired, and when he needs a break and intervene. Why? Not because I'm his mother, but because I understand that without the intervention, Dayton's behavior will get out of control. Also, as his mother, I am in charge of the situation. Dayton knowing I respect him, also knows I have his best interest at heart. If he doesn't feel he's respected or understood (which he is not at school), he will take matters in his own hands. This is not just Dayton as a child with autism, but Dayton as a child, period.
This in no way means that I condone Dayton's behavior. Absolutely not! But I do understand it.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Apparently Dayton (keep in mind the little rascal weighs 60 lbs and stands about 4'2") has threatened to hurt his teacher, by kicking HER in the "balls where it will really hurt..." Yes, I said HER.
Dayton was sitting at his table with his peers, cutting out action figures with weapons as he likes to do on a daily basis. This is nothing new. Nothing out of the ordinary (the school has no idea how to stop him, and has allowed it to continue), but this time his teacher demanded he hand over the scissors. Not sure in what moment of insanity she figured he'd comply as he cuts with these scissors EVERY DAY. Of course Dayton said no. Of course he did. You can't just decide one day that the boy can't cut anymore. The more she urged to to hand the scissors over, the more he argued that he wasn't "finished."
If there's one thing that every parent knows, and so should every educator, if your child on the autism spectrum is in the middle of doing something, telling him to stop before he's finished is not a good idea. Unless of course he is being a danger to himself or others, let's not get stupid here. If Dayton is working on a project, he literally can not move on to anything else until he is finished. Transitioning from Math to Science on a drop of a dime is next to impossible for him. He needs to have notice. If he's playing outside and of course I'm outside supervising his play and trying to use some of the therapists advice, blah, blah, blah, I need to give him at least a 10 minute warning that we will be heading in soon. Then again let him know he has 8 minutes, then 6 minutes, then 4 minutes, then 2 minutes then 1 minute. I have to carry a freaking timer where ever I go. He needs NOTICE so that he is prepared to transition to another activity. Period. I've told the school this many, many times. If I have to tell them again, I'm going lose my ever living mind.
So Dayton's teacher does not give him any notice, and demands him to hand over the scissors. Can you see where this is going? I'm sure you can...
After the third demand, Dayton lost it. He told her he would stab her with the scissors (totally inappropriate, I know it, you know it) and kicked her in the shin. Awesome (being sarcastic here). Then tells her the next time he will "kick her in the balls where it really hurts." This incident took place on April 19th. I was not told about the incident until 10 days after the fact. When I was told about it, I was presented with a formal, five page "Threat Incident Report" with the word "CONFIDENTIAL" stamped on each page.
I ask the principal why the sudden change in report. She's always sent me an email or if she had to write up an incident report, it was typed on a sheet of paper with her signature at the bottom. The difference this time is because the Dayton's teacher felt her life was in danger!!! Awwwwwesoooome!!! How does a 170 lb adult fear a 60 lb child?! Someone please answer this question! Through flaring nostrils the principal tells me that Manitoba Education is coming for a visit to the school... Ahhh, so the truth finally comes out...
"Ahhh, so advocating for my child has consequences then..."
"That's not what I said..."
"That's the message I'm getting. You know this report is 10 days old. Why hadn't someone contacted me?"
"You weren't contacted?"
"Nope. So I want a copy of this report please."
"We're not suppose to give you a copy, it clearly states that one copy goes to the School Division and the other copy remains with the school and no additional copies are permitted in circulation."
"I'm not leaving without a copy of this report. I have all day. I'm on medical leave."
I got the copy.
Clearly, Dayton's educators have no control over Dayton, in fact, it's the other way around. How is he supposed to learn from these so called "professionals?" It amazes me each time I speak with the principal, how Dayton is cursing, hitting and threatening, while at home he wouldn't dare to swear at me or strike me. While I understand that there are thirty children in the classroom, he does also have a full time aid that should be at his side. This aid should understand Dayton by now, he's been with him since September. The aid should also be in charge of Dayton, not the other way around.
I think it's safe to say that at the root of Dayton's behavior problem is a simple notion called RESPECT. Dayton respects me, and I respect him back in return. I recognize when he's upset, when he's tired, and when he needs a break and intervene. Why? Not because I'm his mother, but because I understand that without the intervention, Dayton's behavior will get out of control. Also, as his mother, I am in charge of the situation. Dayton knowing I respect him, also knows I have his best interest at heart. If he doesn't feel he's respected or understood (which he is not at school), he will take matters in his own hands. This is not just Dayton as a child with autism, but Dayton as a child, period.
This in no way means that I condone Dayton's behavior. Absolutely not! But I do understand it.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
Finally, A Response From The Premier's Office!!!
Remember my post titled "An Email To The Premier Of Manitoba Regarding Our Children With Autism Spectrum Disorders?" I sent that email on April 26th. Getting impatient, as we all know how impatient I am, I decide to call the Premier's office.
Premier's answering service: "Your email is under review."
"Under review? What does that mean?"
"I'm not sure..."
"You're not sure?! Could you pass the phone to someone who can help me?"
"Yeah, can you hold?"
Silence. Not even elevator music. On hold for five minutes. Do you know how long five minutes is when there's no music and you're ticked beyond belief? It's a looooooooooong time. By the time the poor girl got back on the phone, I was ready to scream.
She gets back on the phone: "Your email is under review, meaning 'they're' looking at it."
"Does that mean 'they're' reading it now? How long until someone calls me to discuss my email?"
"I'm not sure..."
"Well, put me on hold and find out, or get someone who does know on the phone!" I've lost all patience now. I have things to do and people to annoy. Ugh! I'm betting she's blond and her name is Bubbles. I'm wondering if she's the coffee and donut girl.
Bubbles finally gets back on the phone, stammering: "Reviews take between one and two weeks, then someone will get back to you."
"I don't have two weeks. I'm very upset, and I've just been handed a five page "Threat Incident Form" from my son's school because the teacher feels my son puts her life in danger. It seems the school thinks a 60 lb 9 year old is able to kill a 170 lb adult woman. Each page is stamped with the word "CONFIDENTIAL." I'm guessing this has to do with your office transferring the call I made to you last week to my MLA, who in turn called Manitoba Education. Manitoba Education in turn called me as well as Dayton's school. The principal threw the five page "Threat Incident Report" at me and through flaring nostrils told me Manitoba Education was paying them a visit. Awwwwwwesoooooome... So you see, I need to talk to someone NOW!!!"
Bubbles: "Ummm, OK, would you like me to leave a message?"
"Ummmm, yeah! Do that!"
About an hour later, I get an email:
Of course, I lost my ever living mind. Did Judith bother to read my email, or just saw the word autism and decided to forward the email to Manitoba Education? Seriously?! I had been calling the Premier's office since noon yesterday, when I received the email. I've left at least a dozen messages for Judith to call me back. This afternoon, I snapped. I call the Premier's office at 3:26pm this afternoon, and guess who answers the phone... That's right, it's miss Bubbles! Oh joy!
"Hi, I just spoke to you a couple of minutes ago, and quite frankly, I'm done talking to you after this phone call. I've left a dozen messages for Judith already, so I want you to leave her a new message. Tell her I'm mad. Tell her I've spoken to CJOB radio station and told them my story. They're interested in doing an interview with me. You let her know that if I don't hear back from her by 4pm tomorrow, I'm not only doing the interview with CJOB, but I'm going to Global TV and CTV and the Winnipeg Sun. Any questions?"
Half an hour later, I get a call from Judith. Had I known that all I had to do is threaten her, I would have made this threat in my email to the Premier.
Judith sounded concerned about my fight for Dayton's education, completely missing the boat.
"This is not just about Dayton Judith, this is about all kids with disabilities. 1% of our children are now being diagnosed with some form of autism. This 1% does not include the rest of the disabilities children are being diagnosed with. We have a problem in our education system. Parents are forced into bankruptcy because they have no faith in our education system and have to home school their children. During today's "The Town Hall" on CJOB, a concerned parent asked the Premier why his teenage daughter's high school has 2 law textbooks for the entire class. The teacher has to photocopy the textbook for the rest of the class. WE HAVE A PROBLEM! It needs to be addressed! This is not something Manitoba Education can change, only our Premier can, which is why I emailed him, only to have YOU respond to me. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE."
I continued with my views on "inclusion" and how I really loved the "theory" of "inclusion," our children are not experiencing genuine inclusion. As parents we don't have a choice in our children's education, nor do the schools get help with our children from the government, other than money. We need more services, more Occupational Therapists, more Speech Therapists, more autism savy educators and teacher's assistants... etc.
She promised my concerns are not falling on deaf ears, and that she will be calling me back. I told her not to bother unless I get an appointment with the premier. And if I don't... I told her to let him know that I will be talking to him on CJOB in person during his "The Town Hall" interviews every first Tuesday of the month from 11am to noon Central time!
Let's see what happens, shall we?!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Premier's answering service: "Your email is under review."
"Under review? What does that mean?"
"I'm not sure..."
"You're not sure?! Could you pass the phone to someone who can help me?"
"Yeah, can you hold?"
Silence. Not even elevator music. On hold for five minutes. Do you know how long five minutes is when there's no music and you're ticked beyond belief? It's a looooooooooong time. By the time the poor girl got back on the phone, I was ready to scream.
She gets back on the phone: "Your email is under review, meaning 'they're' looking at it."
"Does that mean 'they're' reading it now? How long until someone calls me to discuss my email?"
"I'm not sure..."
"Well, put me on hold and find out, or get someone who does know on the phone!" I've lost all patience now. I have things to do and people to annoy. Ugh! I'm betting she's blond and her name is Bubbles. I'm wondering if she's the coffee and donut girl.
Bubbles finally gets back on the phone, stammering: "Reviews take between one and two weeks, then someone will get back to you."
"I don't have two weeks. I'm very upset, and I've just been handed a five page "Threat Incident Form" from my son's school because the teacher feels my son puts her life in danger. It seems the school thinks a 60 lb 9 year old is able to kill a 170 lb adult woman. Each page is stamped with the word "CONFIDENTIAL." I'm guessing this has to do with your office transferring the call I made to you last week to my MLA, who in turn called Manitoba Education. Manitoba Education in turn called me as well as Dayton's school. The principal threw the five page "Threat Incident Report" at me and through flaring nostrils told me Manitoba Education was paying them a visit. Awwwwwwesoooooome... So you see, I need to talk to someone NOW!!!"
Bubbles: "Ummm, OK, would you like me to leave a message?"
"Ummmm, yeah! Do that!"
About an hour later, I get an email:
May 2, 2011
Lou Lovrin
Dear Ms Lovrin:
On behalf of the Honourable Greg Selinger, Premier of Manitoba, I would like to thank you for your recent email.
We have taken the liberty of forwarding a copy of your correspondence to Honourable Nancy Allan, Minister of Education, and to Honourable Gord Mackintosh, Minister of Family Services for their consideration and response.
Once again, thank you for writing to Premier Selinger.
Sincerely,
Judith Baldwin
Coordinator of the
Premier’s Secretariat
Of course, I lost my ever living mind. Did Judith bother to read my email, or just saw the word autism and decided to forward the email to Manitoba Education? Seriously?! I had been calling the Premier's office since noon yesterday, when I received the email. I've left at least a dozen messages for Judith to call me back. This afternoon, I snapped. I call the Premier's office at 3:26pm this afternoon, and guess who answers the phone... That's right, it's miss Bubbles! Oh joy!
"Hi, I just spoke to you a couple of minutes ago, and quite frankly, I'm done talking to you after this phone call. I've left a dozen messages for Judith already, so I want you to leave her a new message. Tell her I'm mad. Tell her I've spoken to CJOB radio station and told them my story. They're interested in doing an interview with me. You let her know that if I don't hear back from her by 4pm tomorrow, I'm not only doing the interview with CJOB, but I'm going to Global TV and CTV and the Winnipeg Sun. Any questions?"
Half an hour later, I get a call from Judith. Had I known that all I had to do is threaten her, I would have made this threat in my email to the Premier.
Judith sounded concerned about my fight for Dayton's education, completely missing the boat.
"This is not just about Dayton Judith, this is about all kids with disabilities. 1% of our children are now being diagnosed with some form of autism. This 1% does not include the rest of the disabilities children are being diagnosed with. We have a problem in our education system. Parents are forced into bankruptcy because they have no faith in our education system and have to home school their children. During today's "The Town Hall" on CJOB, a concerned parent asked the Premier why his teenage daughter's high school has 2 law textbooks for the entire class. The teacher has to photocopy the textbook for the rest of the class. WE HAVE A PROBLEM! It needs to be addressed! This is not something Manitoba Education can change, only our Premier can, which is why I emailed him, only to have YOU respond to me. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE."
I continued with my views on "inclusion" and how I really loved the "theory" of "inclusion," our children are not experiencing genuine inclusion. As parents we don't have a choice in our children's education, nor do the schools get help with our children from the government, other than money. We need more services, more Occupational Therapists, more Speech Therapists, more autism savy educators and teacher's assistants... etc.
She promised my concerns are not falling on deaf ears, and that she will be calling me back. I told her not to bother unless I get an appointment with the premier. And if I don't... I told her to let him know that I will be talking to him on CJOB in person during his "The Town Hall" interviews every first Tuesday of the month from 11am to noon Central time!
Let's see what happens, shall we?!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Monday, 2 May 2011
Choosing The Right School Division For Your Child With Autism
In the city of Winnipeg, there are 6 school divisions, and I've come to learn that they don't all operate in the same way. Each school division is given money from the government to disperse at their own discretion.
I didn't know this almost two years ago when I moved from the Louis Riel school division to St. James. Even if I had known this, chances are I would still have moved to St. James, as this was the only place I could find housing. Housing availability right now for renters is at 0%. You can not purchase a decent home for under $250,000 anymore, and they are few and far between. Moving into a new school division is impossible right now.
Our current government in Manitoba is not allowing parents a choice in educating our children. This is not only the province of Manitoba that is binding our hands behind our back, most provinces in Canada are dealing with the same thing. Take for example this case in B.C, where a six year old child has been kicked out of school because of the danger posed by the six year old autistic boy. http://networkedblogs.com/gBomX. "No one referenced in the article speaks of the need to have teachers and aides with autism specific training working with autistic school children." Seeing as how 1 in 150 children (although I believe it's closer to 1 in 100, that's one percent of our children!!!) are being diagnosed with some form of autism, it seems none of the provincial governments in charge of education think it important to train their staff when it comes to autism to successfully "include" our children and mainstream them in public schools. And yet, the provincial government's policy of inclusion prevents parents to seek other alternatives. As parents, we have no choice but to send our children to these public schools, where our children are misunderstood and viewed as difficult or defiant on a daily basis. Staff firmly believe that at the core of the problem is our parenting, rather than viewing autism as a neurological disorder, unless of course the child has classic, low functioning autism. It seems the only province in all of Canada that recognizes autism for what it is, is Alberta, which allows for schools designed for children with special needs, such as Renfrew school http://www.renfreweducation.org/aboutrenfrew/testimonials.aspx, charter schools in Calgary and school of choice in the city of Edmonton. I will give more information on charter schools and school of choice soon. They deserve a post of their very own ;)
So I did some homework I'm sharing with you today. How nice of me, eh?
I've called all six of Winnipeg's school divisions, and they all agree that level 3 funding (meaning your child has a full time aid and they are allowed to be autistic all day long) helps in getting services in the school division for your child. In saying this, you must not only move to their school division, but also live in the catchment area of the school you feel would be the best fit. In other words, Winnipeg is not autism friendly. You may only have autism if you live in a certain are of the city, namely school division 1, which has schools that offer autism programs and adaptive skill programs (aka life skills programs) in their schools.
Some interesting information...
I've posted my email to the premier on the blog. I've talked to our MLA... they contacted Manitoba Education on my behalf. I get a call from a Marlene Gregory from Manitoba Education, who tells me that I should fill out a "school of choice form" and have it submitted by May 15th...
I contacted Winnipeg School division right away, based on my research, it seemed the best thing to do. Barb Ivans informed me that they don't accept these applications for children with special needs. I call Marlene Gregory back sobbing... "They, they, they won't take my baby..."
"Well Lou, the school division has the right to deny you... Call the rest of the school divisions, there are lots of autism programs out there in other divisions..."
And so I did... Did she seriously think she could get rid of me so easily?
Here is the break down of services offered by Winnipeg school divisions:
St. James School Division: (this is the school division my family lives in)
There is only one Occupational Therapist in this school division, who works part time and is spread thin across 26 schools!!! Unbelievable! No wonder Dayton is falling through the cracks!!! The school division has eight speech therapists, and speaking to one of them today, I found out she had seen Dayton ten times since September. I don't understand... Not only did the school not tell me Dayton was being seen by a speech therapist, but they keep telling me that they don't need my help because they are the "professionals." Also important to note, this school division does not require their educational assistants to have a para educator diploma or any post secondary education related to the field. They do offer a para educator program of their own for $7,000.00 and the program lasts 6 months, however it is not mandatory to take the program in order to become someones child's aid. Teacher assistants that take this program will only "touch" on autism briefly during the program. Isn't that FANTASTIC?! (Yes, I'm dripping with sarcasm). School division's phone number is 885-1334, contact person is Candice Borger. Candice was awesome on the phone, knew her school division inside out, and was very concerned about Dayton's school experience. Kristi Benwa, the speech therapist, also was very concerned, and was more than happy to talk to me about my ideas for Dayton's education and what works for me at home. I just wish his school was just as open to ideas... Also, I wish they had stronger programming. This school division has no autism programs or adaptive skill programs. http://www.sjsd.net/
Pembina Trails School Division:
There are 33 schools that make up this school division. They have 8 Speech Therapists and 4 Occupational Therapists, all working full time. The para educators (your child's aid) have two years training in something called Rehab Assistance Program. This program is designed to help aids to follow Occupational Therapy programs!!! This kind of makes me giddy! Sounds really good, but I wonder if it's as good as it sounds. Jane Freesen (the director of Clinical Services) was very professional on the phone and answered my questions well, and made me feel like I wasn't wasting her time. I was really impressed with her ease of navigating through her school division like a pro. She didn't seem to hide anything, and didn't give me any run arounds like most of the school divisions. Unfortunately, this school division has no autism program or adaptive skill programs for elementary school children until they hit middle school... School divisions phone number is 488-1757. http://www.pembinatrails.ca/index.html
River East Transcona School Division:
Mary explained to me that the school division consists of 42 schools. The school division has five Occupational Therapists, some working full time, some part time. They have 8 Speech Therapists, and each therapist services six to seven schools. These therapists do not work one on one with children, they observe and make recommendations. The children are observed once every four to six weeks. The para educators do not require training, and can be hired off the street. Education is not mandatory to be a child's aid. There are no autism programs or adaptive skill programs in the school division. Mary was not interested in talking to me, and made me feel like I was pulling teeth for information... The division's phone number is 222-9577. http://www.retsd.mb.ca/
Louis Riel School Division:
One of my favorite bloggers (Welcome to normal, population 0 at http://www.welcome-to-normal.com/) and fellow autism mom had her son enrolled in a school within this division, and each year she tries to put her son back in school, she yanks him out and home schools her children. My son was also in one of their schools and was locked in a closet size room with the lights turned off and no one could find the keys to the room... Numerous suspensions and numerous physical restraints until the day the staff bruised Dayton's face from his ear to his jaw. Knowing this, I still did the research... You can decide for yourself if this is the school division for you. Who knows, maybe they've changed since we last lived in their school division...
Speaking to Lora Molgat, I learned the school division has an autism support teacher, who has her own para educator that goes around and teaches other para educators on autism, compliments no doubt of my autism mom friend who is a strong advocate for her son. This mom has spent countless hours of time advocating and advocating and advocating some more. Yes, I respect this autism mom very dearly...
The division is in charge of forty schools, with four Occupational Therapists and between ten and twelve Speech Therapists. The division has some adaptive skill programs (Lora wouldn't name them or tell me how many), which are reserved for children with severe autism. They do not have any autism programs, and their para educators have five to seven years experience. Some of the para educators have their para educator diploma from Red River College, some don't. Their phone number is 257-7827. http://www.lrsd.net/
Seven Oaks School Division:
Sharon Holderson is the division's Director of Education and Clinical Support Services (ECSS). The division has twenty-one schools, with four Occupational Therapists (two working full time, the other two work part time), six Speech Therapists (four of them work full time, the other two part time) and three Physio Therapists (I was shocked to find out they had Physio Therapists and forgot to ask if they worked full time, sorry). Some para educators have their diploma some don't. The division is moving away from para educators working one on one with children, which I'm not particularly fond of. All para educators have to take a course in Non Violent Crisis Intervention. While this school division has autism programs for middle schools, they have none for elementary schools (what happened to early intervention???) They have no adaptive skill programs. Their phone number (ECSS) is 582-3383 and the school division's number is 586-8061. http://www.7oaks.org/Pages/default.aspx.
And finally...
Winnipeg School Division (aka school division one):
This is Winnipeg's largest school division, in charge of seventy-seven schools. I spoke to Barb Ivans, the special needs coordinator, and Julie Miller, a student support services worker. They weren't able to give me the number of Occupational Therapists. They have thirty-five Speech Therapists, eighty percent are working full time. To work as a para educator in the school division, all you need is your grade twelve diploma. Some aids have their para educator diploma, some don't. Their starting wage for level A (meaning the aid does not work one on one, but is a teacher's helper) is $14.69. Level C and D means the aid is working one on one and they make over $18.00 an hour.
Adaptive skill program school: Prairie Rose, Woolsley, Lord Roberts, Norquay, Inkster and Greenway.
Schools offering autism programs: Robertson, Greenway, Inkster and Montrose.
Winnipeg school division number is 775-0231
Student support services (Julie Miller) number is 788-0203
Barb Ivans' (special needs coordinator) number is 774-4525 (this is the one that made me cry)
http://ww.wsd1.org/
Oh, and by the way, Barb Ivans informed me that even if I moved to Winnipeg School Division, their autism programs and adaptive skill programs are... FULL!!!
NONE OF THE SCHOOL DIVISIONS ACCEPT THE SCHOOL OF CHOICE APPLICATION IF THE CHILD HAS SPECIAL NEEDS!!!
So, ummmmm, what's the point of this application?!
I'm sorry... WHAT?! For those of you that are perturbed along with me, you can reach Marlene Gregory of Manitoba Education who sent me on this freaking wild goose chase for NOTHING at 945-5563
Marlene, if you're reading this post, you can bet I'll be banging on your door for some answers. For those that wish to join me, here's her office address: Room 307, 1181 Portage Avenue, Winnipeg R3G 0T3
And for the record Marlene, you can't get rid of me.
My friends, consider yourselves hugged.
Marlene, no hugs for you. Maybe a foot up the... nah, you're so not worth it.
Lou
I didn't know this almost two years ago when I moved from the Louis Riel school division to St. James. Even if I had known this, chances are I would still have moved to St. James, as this was the only place I could find housing. Housing availability right now for renters is at 0%. You can not purchase a decent home for under $250,000 anymore, and they are few and far between. Moving into a new school division is impossible right now.
Our current government in Manitoba is not allowing parents a choice in educating our children. This is not only the province of Manitoba that is binding our hands behind our back, most provinces in Canada are dealing with the same thing. Take for example this case in B.C, where a six year old child has been kicked out of school because of the danger posed by the six year old autistic boy. http://networkedblogs.com/gBomX. "No one referenced in the article speaks of the need to have teachers and aides with autism specific training working with autistic school children." Seeing as how 1 in 150 children (although I believe it's closer to 1 in 100, that's one percent of our children!!!) are being diagnosed with some form of autism, it seems none of the provincial governments in charge of education think it important to train their staff when it comes to autism to successfully "include" our children and mainstream them in public schools. And yet, the provincial government's policy of inclusion prevents parents to seek other alternatives. As parents, we have no choice but to send our children to these public schools, where our children are misunderstood and viewed as difficult or defiant on a daily basis. Staff firmly believe that at the core of the problem is our parenting, rather than viewing autism as a neurological disorder, unless of course the child has classic, low functioning autism. It seems the only province in all of Canada that recognizes autism for what it is, is Alberta, which allows for schools designed for children with special needs, such as Renfrew school http://www.renfreweducation.org/aboutrenfrew/testimonials.aspx, charter schools in Calgary and school of choice in the city of Edmonton. I will give more information on charter schools and school of choice soon. They deserve a post of their very own ;)
So I did some homework I'm sharing with you today. How nice of me, eh?
I've called all six of Winnipeg's school divisions, and they all agree that level 3 funding (meaning your child has a full time aid and they are allowed to be autistic all day long) helps in getting services in the school division for your child. In saying this, you must not only move to their school division, but also live in the catchment area of the school you feel would be the best fit. In other words, Winnipeg is not autism friendly. You may only have autism if you live in a certain are of the city, namely school division 1, which has schools that offer autism programs and adaptive skill programs (aka life skills programs) in their schools.
Some interesting information...
I've posted my email to the premier on the blog. I've talked to our MLA... they contacted Manitoba Education on my behalf. I get a call from a Marlene Gregory from Manitoba Education, who tells me that I should fill out a "school of choice form" and have it submitted by May 15th...
I contacted Winnipeg School division right away, based on my research, it seemed the best thing to do. Barb Ivans informed me that they don't accept these applications for children with special needs. I call Marlene Gregory back sobbing... "They, they, they won't take my baby..."
"Well Lou, the school division has the right to deny you... Call the rest of the school divisions, there are lots of autism programs out there in other divisions..."
And so I did... Did she seriously think she could get rid of me so easily?
Here is the break down of services offered by Winnipeg school divisions:
St. James School Division: (this is the school division my family lives in)
There is only one Occupational Therapist in this school division, who works part time and is spread thin across 26 schools!!! Unbelievable! No wonder Dayton is falling through the cracks!!! The school division has eight speech therapists, and speaking to one of them today, I found out she had seen Dayton ten times since September. I don't understand... Not only did the school not tell me Dayton was being seen by a speech therapist, but they keep telling me that they don't need my help because they are the "professionals." Also important to note, this school division does not require their educational assistants to have a para educator diploma or any post secondary education related to the field. They do offer a para educator program of their own for $7,000.00 and the program lasts 6 months, however it is not mandatory to take the program in order to become someones child's aid. Teacher assistants that take this program will only "touch" on autism briefly during the program. Isn't that FANTASTIC?! (Yes, I'm dripping with sarcasm). School division's phone number is 885-1334, contact person is Candice Borger. Candice was awesome on the phone, knew her school division inside out, and was very concerned about Dayton's school experience. Kristi Benwa, the speech therapist, also was very concerned, and was more than happy to talk to me about my ideas for Dayton's education and what works for me at home. I just wish his school was just as open to ideas... Also, I wish they had stronger programming. This school division has no autism programs or adaptive skill programs. http://www.sjsd.net/
Pembina Trails School Division:
There are 33 schools that make up this school division. They have 8 Speech Therapists and 4 Occupational Therapists, all working full time. The para educators (your child's aid) have two years training in something called Rehab Assistance Program. This program is designed to help aids to follow Occupational Therapy programs!!! This kind of makes me giddy! Sounds really good, but I wonder if it's as good as it sounds. Jane Freesen (the director of Clinical Services) was very professional on the phone and answered my questions well, and made me feel like I wasn't wasting her time. I was really impressed with her ease of navigating through her school division like a pro. She didn't seem to hide anything, and didn't give me any run arounds like most of the school divisions. Unfortunately, this school division has no autism program or adaptive skill programs for elementary school children until they hit middle school... School divisions phone number is 488-1757. http://www.pembinatrails.ca/index.html
River East Transcona School Division:
Mary explained to me that the school division consists of 42 schools. The school division has five Occupational Therapists, some working full time, some part time. They have 8 Speech Therapists, and each therapist services six to seven schools. These therapists do not work one on one with children, they observe and make recommendations. The children are observed once every four to six weeks. The para educators do not require training, and can be hired off the street. Education is not mandatory to be a child's aid. There are no autism programs or adaptive skill programs in the school division. Mary was not interested in talking to me, and made me feel like I was pulling teeth for information... The division's phone number is 222-9577. http://www.retsd.mb.ca/
Louis Riel School Division:
One of my favorite bloggers (Welcome to normal, population 0 at http://www.welcome-to-normal.com/) and fellow autism mom had her son enrolled in a school within this division, and each year she tries to put her son back in school, she yanks him out and home schools her children. My son was also in one of their schools and was locked in a closet size room with the lights turned off and no one could find the keys to the room... Numerous suspensions and numerous physical restraints until the day the staff bruised Dayton's face from his ear to his jaw. Knowing this, I still did the research... You can decide for yourself if this is the school division for you. Who knows, maybe they've changed since we last lived in their school division...
Speaking to Lora Molgat, I learned the school division has an autism support teacher, who has her own para educator that goes around and teaches other para educators on autism, compliments no doubt of my autism mom friend who is a strong advocate for her son. This mom has spent countless hours of time advocating and advocating and advocating some more. Yes, I respect this autism mom very dearly...
The division is in charge of forty schools, with four Occupational Therapists and between ten and twelve Speech Therapists. The division has some adaptive skill programs (Lora wouldn't name them or tell me how many), which are reserved for children with severe autism. They do not have any autism programs, and their para educators have five to seven years experience. Some of the para educators have their para educator diploma from Red River College, some don't. Their phone number is 257-7827. http://www.lrsd.net/
Seven Oaks School Division:
Sharon Holderson is the division's Director of Education and Clinical Support Services (ECSS). The division has twenty-one schools, with four Occupational Therapists (two working full time, the other two work part time), six Speech Therapists (four of them work full time, the other two part time) and three Physio Therapists (I was shocked to find out they had Physio Therapists and forgot to ask if they worked full time, sorry). Some para educators have their diploma some don't. The division is moving away from para educators working one on one with children, which I'm not particularly fond of. All para educators have to take a course in Non Violent Crisis Intervention. While this school division has autism programs for middle schools, they have none for elementary schools (what happened to early intervention???) They have no adaptive skill programs. Their phone number (ECSS) is 582-3383 and the school division's number is 586-8061. http://www.7oaks.org/Pages/default.aspx.
And finally...
Winnipeg School Division (aka school division one):
This is Winnipeg's largest school division, in charge of seventy-seven schools. I spoke to Barb Ivans, the special needs coordinator, and Julie Miller, a student support services worker. They weren't able to give me the number of Occupational Therapists. They have thirty-five Speech Therapists, eighty percent are working full time. To work as a para educator in the school division, all you need is your grade twelve diploma. Some aids have their para educator diploma, some don't. Their starting wage for level A (meaning the aid does not work one on one, but is a teacher's helper) is $14.69. Level C and D means the aid is working one on one and they make over $18.00 an hour.
Adaptive skill program school: Prairie Rose, Woolsley, Lord Roberts, Norquay, Inkster and Greenway.
Schools offering autism programs: Robertson, Greenway, Inkster and Montrose.
Winnipeg school division number is 775-0231
Student support services (Julie Miller) number is 788-0203
Barb Ivans' (special needs coordinator) number is 774-4525 (this is the one that made me cry)
http://ww.wsd1.org/
Oh, and by the way, Barb Ivans informed me that even if I moved to Winnipeg School Division, their autism programs and adaptive skill programs are... FULL!!!
NONE OF THE SCHOOL DIVISIONS ACCEPT THE SCHOOL OF CHOICE APPLICATION IF THE CHILD HAS SPECIAL NEEDS!!!
So, ummmmm, what's the point of this application?!
I'm sorry... WHAT?! For those of you that are perturbed along with me, you can reach Marlene Gregory of Manitoba Education who sent me on this freaking wild goose chase for NOTHING at 945-5563
Marlene, if you're reading this post, you can bet I'll be banging on your door for some answers. For those that wish to join me, here's her office address: Room 307, 1181 Portage Avenue, Winnipeg R3G 0T3
And for the record Marlene, you can't get rid of me.
My friends, consider yourselves hugged.
Marlene, no hugs for you. Maybe a foot up the... nah, you're so not worth it.
Lou
Sunday, 1 May 2011
How Autism Changes One's Life
So... some of you out there have been living with autism for a while, and know exactly how the diagnosis affects your life. Some of you out there are friends of mine, or friends of friends, or friends of friends of friends... you know, wanting to be supportive and reading what I post, but sitting there thinking "What the hell is she talking about, I just can't relate..." God bless you for trying! You truly are good friends! Maybe you're new to autism, and wondering what the road ahead looks like. So, let's go to the very beginning, shall we my dears?
Let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees... kidding!
Autism, the definition: a group of developmental disabilities that can cause significant communication, social and behavioral challenges. Developmental... what is that? Exactly what is sounds like... the mile stones every child meets are met late... Their learning is impaired... Okey dokey... so ummmmm, what does this look like for those of us involved in the daily care of loved ones with autism?
First, you receive the diagnosis. Just to make our life even more confusing, we have 5 types of autism spectrum disorders, also known as "Pervasive Developmental Disorders." They range from a severe form called autistic disorder, also known as classic autism, to a milder form called Asperger Syndrome. If a child has symptoms of either of these disorders, but does not meet the specific criteria for either, the diagnosis is called pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS. This is the form of autism Dayton is diagnosed with). Other rare, very severe disorders that are included in the autism spectrum disorders are Rett Syndrome and childhood disintegrative disorder. Now that you've got a diagnosis, you must digest it. Delays in your child's development can no longer be explained away by your child being a late bloomer. His or her behavior, actions, delayed speech, quirky behavior and other "delays" are a result of a neurological deficiency... Unless your child has been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, your child will be behind academically. For example, my son is half way through grade one, but sits in a grade three classroom, because failing him is NOT an option... Grrr... More of this on the next post, I promise you. The title to look for is "Choosing The Right School Division For Your Child With Autism." You will fight for your child's right to a quality education.
Second, you need to deal with your grief. Once you understand what I've just told you about the diagnosis and you understand the magnitude of what this means, you will grieve for the child you "planned" to have. Denial is first. I remember that one. "They're wrong, let him grow up a little, jeez!" Next on the list will be anger "this is so not fair!!! (and then you throw a huge temper tantrum). Then we have bargaining. Oh yes. "God! Do you hear me?! I'll go to church every Sunday and volunteer at the local shelter for the homeless, just take this autism thingy away!!!" Once you're done bargaining and seeing no results, you get depressed. The depression stage takes the longest to overcome. I still struggle with this one (and here you thought I had it all figured out, didn't 'cha?). Finally, acceptance. Acceptance is awesome, we can't see the light to acceptance at the beginning as we're in denial or too angry to think we'll ever accept it, but once you do, your child will make a serious connection with you. Trust me, I've seen it with Dayton. No one "gets" him better than I do, and he knows it... Well... maybe one more person, grandma Karen...
OK, so we've covered the first two things to get through. These two sound tough, no? Your life's about to get busy, so hang on to your horses (never, EVER say that to my boy... He'll look for them for hours!). Get a calendar, cause your life's about to get busy. Day off? Not with autism! Ready, set go!!!
Now we're gonna dive straight into bureaucracy! Oh yeah! You will be connected to family services and they will get you a support coordinator. Most of these people know nothing about autism, and don't care. You'd have better luck of winning the lotto or finding the Loch Ness Monster than finding a good support coordinator. I've found one, but I'm not sharing. I'll fight you before I let her go! Then you have to get speech therapy, occupational therapy, physio therapy, all of which you can only get before your child starts school. If your child doesn't get the diagnosis before age three, you're pretty much SOL or s..t out of luck. This is the case with my little guy. I fought for four years to get his diagnosis, and he finally got it, three months before turning eight years old. Unless of course you have a bottomless pit of cash, well then of course you can have services, any freaking service you want, including a diagnosis! I don't think there's many of us out there with this kind of money. As it is, I'm spending just under $500.00 a month for Dayton's medications and social skills group. I'm not going to go into how much I spend for Dayton's supplements, diet and coming up soon, Kumon Learning since the school can't teach him anything.
Once services are in place, your schedule fills up pretty quickly. I can also tell you that therapy is ON GOING, even after the therapist has left. It is up to the parents to follow through with the therapy, not the therapists. It is especially important to follow through when in public. This is where your child will learn to generalize what was learned in therapy and apply it to real life situations. During my medical leave, I can honestly tell you I've been so much busier staying at home than I have been going to work! By the time 7pm rolls around, I'm ready for sleep.
Schedule, schedule and schedule your child's day! These kids thrive on schedules for two reasons: once, it shows them what to expect during their day. Two, it also shows them that some of their favorite things are included during the day. I know for Dayton video games are super important, and I need to have a picture of a gaming remote in his picture schedule if I want him to comply to any change in his daily routine.
We're not done yet, we still have all the follow up appointments at the doctor's office and by the support coordinator and CFS if you have them involved to advocate on behalf of your child in the school system. Yes, managing the care of a child with autism is a FULL TIME job. Only thing is, this full time job lives with you. There is no break, and God help you if you get sick, because there's no one for you to call to "cover your shift."
We love our children, they are the air we breathe, with or without a diagnosis. With a diagnosis of autism, we still give our children everything that goes into raising a child, the affection and love any child gets from their parents is the same for us. The difference is during our play time... During play time, every move I make stems from something I've learned from a therapist.
So, if you yourself don't have a child with an autism diagnosis, but have friends that do, cut them some slack when you ask them out and they say they're tired and would rather you come over to their house instead. Their child is surrounded by their toys and the parent's saving grace - their bed when bed time comes. Maybe offer to babysit so the parent can take a nap. I'd kill for a nap right about now. Offer them an ear to vent. I've been fortunate to have a good grandma for Dayton, grandma Karen who is always listening to me rant and rave without complaining. She's been a rock of support to me and an amazing grandma to Dayton. She actually "gets" Dayton and he knows it. He loves her for it.
If you've received a diagnosis in your life just recently, don't look at this post and start crying, please!!! While yes, you will be working with your child much more than a parent of a typical child needs to, believe me when I tell you, it's all worth it. I wouldn't change my son for the world! But I wish I could change this world for Dayton. Remember, everyday God takes you by the hand and says, "No matter how difficult the path you tread... I will never leave your side."
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
Let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees... kidding!
Autism, the definition: a group of developmental disabilities that can cause significant communication, social and behavioral challenges. Developmental... what is that? Exactly what is sounds like... the mile stones every child meets are met late... Their learning is impaired... Okey dokey... so ummmmm, what does this look like for those of us involved in the daily care of loved ones with autism?
First, you receive the diagnosis. Just to make our life even more confusing, we have 5 types of autism spectrum disorders, also known as "Pervasive Developmental Disorders." They range from a severe form called autistic disorder, also known as classic autism, to a milder form called Asperger Syndrome. If a child has symptoms of either of these disorders, but does not meet the specific criteria for either, the diagnosis is called pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS. This is the form of autism Dayton is diagnosed with). Other rare, very severe disorders that are included in the autism spectrum disorders are Rett Syndrome and childhood disintegrative disorder. Now that you've got a diagnosis, you must digest it. Delays in your child's development can no longer be explained away by your child being a late bloomer. His or her behavior, actions, delayed speech, quirky behavior and other "delays" are a result of a neurological deficiency... Unless your child has been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, your child will be behind academically. For example, my son is half way through grade one, but sits in a grade three classroom, because failing him is NOT an option... Grrr... More of this on the next post, I promise you. The title to look for is "Choosing The Right School Division For Your Child With Autism." You will fight for your child's right to a quality education.
Second, you need to deal with your grief. Once you understand what I've just told you about the diagnosis and you understand the magnitude of what this means, you will grieve for the child you "planned" to have. Denial is first. I remember that one. "They're wrong, let him grow up a little, jeez!" Next on the list will be anger "this is so not fair!!! (and then you throw a huge temper tantrum). Then we have bargaining. Oh yes. "God! Do you hear me?! I'll go to church every Sunday and volunteer at the local shelter for the homeless, just take this autism thingy away!!!" Once you're done bargaining and seeing no results, you get depressed. The depression stage takes the longest to overcome. I still struggle with this one (and here you thought I had it all figured out, didn't 'cha?). Finally, acceptance. Acceptance is awesome, we can't see the light to acceptance at the beginning as we're in denial or too angry to think we'll ever accept it, but once you do, your child will make a serious connection with you. Trust me, I've seen it with Dayton. No one "gets" him better than I do, and he knows it... Well... maybe one more person, grandma Karen...
OK, so we've covered the first two things to get through. These two sound tough, no? Your life's about to get busy, so hang on to your horses (never, EVER say that to my boy... He'll look for them for hours!). Get a calendar, cause your life's about to get busy. Day off? Not with autism! Ready, set go!!!
Now we're gonna dive straight into bureaucracy! Oh yeah! You will be connected to family services and they will get you a support coordinator. Most of these people know nothing about autism, and don't care. You'd have better luck of winning the lotto or finding the Loch Ness Monster than finding a good support coordinator. I've found one, but I'm not sharing. I'll fight you before I let her go! Then you have to get speech therapy, occupational therapy, physio therapy, all of which you can only get before your child starts school. If your child doesn't get the diagnosis before age three, you're pretty much SOL or s..t out of luck. This is the case with my little guy. I fought for four years to get his diagnosis, and he finally got it, three months before turning eight years old. Unless of course you have a bottomless pit of cash, well then of course you can have services, any freaking service you want, including a diagnosis! I don't think there's many of us out there with this kind of money. As it is, I'm spending just under $500.00 a month for Dayton's medications and social skills group. I'm not going to go into how much I spend for Dayton's supplements, diet and coming up soon, Kumon Learning since the school can't teach him anything.
Once services are in place, your schedule fills up pretty quickly. I can also tell you that therapy is ON GOING, even after the therapist has left. It is up to the parents to follow through with the therapy, not the therapists. It is especially important to follow through when in public. This is where your child will learn to generalize what was learned in therapy and apply it to real life situations. During my medical leave, I can honestly tell you I've been so much busier staying at home than I have been going to work! By the time 7pm rolls around, I'm ready for sleep.
Schedule, schedule and schedule your child's day! These kids thrive on schedules for two reasons: once, it shows them what to expect during their day. Two, it also shows them that some of their favorite things are included during the day. I know for Dayton video games are super important, and I need to have a picture of a gaming remote in his picture schedule if I want him to comply to any change in his daily routine.
We're not done yet, we still have all the follow up appointments at the doctor's office and by the support coordinator and CFS if you have them involved to advocate on behalf of your child in the school system. Yes, managing the care of a child with autism is a FULL TIME job. Only thing is, this full time job lives with you. There is no break, and God help you if you get sick, because there's no one for you to call to "cover your shift."
We love our children, they are the air we breathe, with or without a diagnosis. With a diagnosis of autism, we still give our children everything that goes into raising a child, the affection and love any child gets from their parents is the same for us. The difference is during our play time... During play time, every move I make stems from something I've learned from a therapist.
So, if you yourself don't have a child with an autism diagnosis, but have friends that do, cut them some slack when you ask them out and they say they're tired and would rather you come over to their house instead. Their child is surrounded by their toys and the parent's saving grace - their bed when bed time comes. Maybe offer to babysit so the parent can take a nap. I'd kill for a nap right about now. Offer them an ear to vent. I've been fortunate to have a good grandma for Dayton, grandma Karen who is always listening to me rant and rave without complaining. She's been a rock of support to me and an amazing grandma to Dayton. She actually "gets" Dayton and he knows it. He loves her for it.
If you've received a diagnosis in your life just recently, don't look at this post and start crying, please!!! While yes, you will be working with your child much more than a parent of a typical child needs to, believe me when I tell you, it's all worth it. I wouldn't change my son for the world! But I wish I could change this world for Dayton. Remember, everyday God takes you by the hand and says, "No matter how difficult the path you tread... I will never leave your side."
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
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