Ah yes, the literal thinker. So many arguments I've had with Dayton, then realized mid way through that we were having two different arguments - LITERALLY. I can't even begin to tell you the arguments Dayton has had at school with his educators, and upon having Dayton tell me his side of the story, then listening to the school's side of the story, it turns out that they too have had two different arguments. Unfortunately for Dayton, those misunderstandings ended up becoming physical for him because of his sense of being misunderstood, bullied and not given a chance to explain his side, and therefore completely frustrated. The only left for him to communicate in order to get anyone's attention was to use his body like a weapon.
Taking wording literally is quite common in children and adults on the autism spectrum. Forget having autism, think of your own autistic moments... I remember my past employer at a local college telling me: "Lou, we're going to move pharmacy again," meaning changing the program, and of course as I was the expert in the field, he wanted my help. Instead my response was: "But we haven't even found a suitable spot in the building to move the program this time, and now you're saying you're going to be moving my class again? What about the lab, the sinks, the hoods..." and then I realized what he had meant by his comment, and felt like a total moron. Great. His look of disapproval did not help my downward spiraling confidence as an expert at all. Ugh!!!
Now think how difficult this is for our kiddos on the autism spectrum. To have to live with this every day, risk being ridiculed or looking dumb. I suppose it is easier to just not participate in school activities or become the class clown. Or do both like my babe does. Sure, it gets him in trouble, but the reward of getting in trouble is much nicer than his peers ridiculing him. Poor kid.
"Dayton, stop pushing my buttons!!!"
"Buttons? You have buttons? Where are your buttons and how many of them do you have for me to push?" Then he starts shoving my shirt up to see if they're on my belly, walking around me to see if they're on my back..." "I see your belly button, what happens if I push it?"
"Dayton, I got a bone to pick with you."
"Really? Awesome!!! Where are the bones? Are they human bones, animal bones... Ooooohhhh, please tell me they're dinosaur bones!!!"
In class one day: "Class, draw your 'sneaker.'
Dayton: "I don't wear 'sneakers, I wear 'skater shoes.'" Now you can see the potential of a teacher thinking he was being defiant or refusing to do work here, right? Yup.
Teacher: "Dayton, did you rip that back pack?" This incident happened two years ago... The teacher and his aid were standing across the room from Dayton, watching him stick his finger into a back pack that already HAD a small rip in it. When Dayton stuck his finger in it, he pulled down hard, making the rip larger.
"No."
"Yes, yes you did, I saw you do it!"
"No I didn't!!!"
The two of them were having two different arguments. Dayton's argument being there was already a rip in the back pack, the teacher's being that he ripped it further. Furthermore, I see no point in questioning a child if you saw he did something inappropriate. Choose your words carefully and be literal if you want him to answer a question, and don't bother asking questions you know the answer to. This incident resulted in Dayton pulling desks out of the way to get away from his teacher as she approached him (big no, no. Now you're intimidating and threatening him) as well as his aid who was coming in for the kill. Apparently the principal at that time decided to join in on restraining my babe to the floor, and another large, male teacher came in to 'help.' The daycare owner came running to see what was happening because she heard my baby scream, and watched Dayton fight off the four school staff. She evicted Dayton out of daycare as a result of seeing this. Awesome!!! You can see my frustration, can't you?
At home, playing wrestling on his playstation with his buddy... Buddy gets mad with Dayton for beating him in a game and tells Dayton: "BITE ME!!!"
Dayton scoots over to him, bites him, then goes back to his seat and keeps playing his game. His buddy is crying and holding on to his arm...
"Why did you do that Dayton?"
"Ummm, because you told me to."
"What?!"
"Ugh!!! You told me to bite you, so I did!"
Oh dear... Buddy hits Dayton in the arm. Dayton plows him one in the face. Huge fight. Name calling. Buddy's sent home, Dayton's confused and his feelings are hurt.
Expressions of speech are a nightmare for most kids on the autism spectrum. A dare from another child is never looked upon as a dare. A dare to Dayton is to do what he's told so his "buddy" will like him. He wants to be included and just doesn't stop and think about the consequences. Besides, even if he did, the most important consequence for him is acceptance, not his mother's wrath. Or the principal's. Or the teacher's. Know what I mean?
Consider yourselves hugged!
Lou
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Monday, 26 September 2011
Wednesday, 20 April 2011
Autism Behavior - Communication
Behavior is something which all children display in one form or another. Our child's behavior tells those around them many things about their wants, needs, and desires. The most important thing to understand about behavior is that it is a form of communication. It is a complicated form of communication, but a truly basic one.
Typical children are much better at verbal communication skills than children with autism. Typical children do not always rely on physical behavior to relate a message. Often, children with autism are telling us a lot with their behavior. They can be giving an answer, asking a question or expressing a frustrated response.
Some behaviors expressed by children with autism may be appropriate or inappropriate depending on the situation. Inappropriate behaviors give a negative aspect to our children's learning experience.
It does not matter if the negative behavior occurs in a social situation or academic situation. A negative behavior must be dealt with so that the child with autism can acquire as much information as possible. Some undesired behaviors can not be eliminated. In that case those behaviors should be exchanged with desirable behaviors the child can use. In order to do this, it is both the teacher's and parent's responsibility to teach the child to "change their mind" as my dad says.
One of the stories a family related to me was a teacher who was asking their child a question. Just for example we are going to say the question was 'What is 2 + 2?' This family's child did not understand the question. Their child did not even know how to answer the teacher. It is very common for children with autism to have auditory deficits and not be able to focus on what he's being asked. As far as I'm concerned, if the government insist on inclusion, then this bit of information should automatically be listed in the teacher's handbook.
The first thing their child did was to become withdrawn. The well meaning teacher went closer to the child and asked again. Now this family's child became aggressive and used some really choice curse words. While the well meaning teacher wants to help the child, the child with autism perceives this as an invasion of his space, or an attack. Dayton's perception would be that he's in trouble and under attack. His auditory processing is severely impaired, and he while he can speak, it doesn't mean that he is able to process verbal questions or instructions all of the time. For the most part, he's pretty good at it, but sometimes... let's just say that there are times were he's over stimulated by sounds, smells and too many things going on in the classroom... Auditory processing (hearing and understanding what the speaker is trying to convey to you) and speaking yourself are two completely different things. While closely connected, they are not the same thing.
A little understanding of a child with Autism and communication can help this situation. If a parent and teacher wish to change this undesirable behavior they need to replace it. This is done by teaching a child a different technique or method of getting what they want. In order to do this, parents and teachers MUST work together. Furthermore, the policy of "inclusion" orders for the teacher to accommodate special need students. Most children with autism are very visual learners, so the teacher should accommodate visually to the child, instead of giving auditory instructions. Furthermore, replacing the behavior is NOT ENOUGH. The child needs to practice the replacement behavior. Children with autism do not automatically learn things like typical children do, they must practice over and over in order to "get it."
Tell the child with autism that when they do not understand what someone is asking they can raise their hand. This is a technique to let the adult know what is going on. Another technique is to teach the child to say a special word or phrase instead of cursing. This also gives adults involved a cue that they are feeling frustrated.
Then everyone involved has to understand if they do not respond to those cues the behavior will escalate!!! These are two simple but possibly effective way to help or change behavior in a positive way. Changing or shaping the behavior will help the child with autism have an environment more in line with their learning needs. As most children with autism have difficulties with auditory processing, the teacher could then write down or draw the question out for the child with autism, which would most likely have a better response.
Now many of you would say "a child cursing? That is highly inappropriate! Where is the child learning these words?" as many of the teachers themselves think. Let me assure you that parents of autistic children do not condone cursing from their children. It is not acceptable behavior. To answer your question, it is not the parents that teach their autistic children how to curse. Dayton NEVER curses at home, EVER.
The trick is to convince the school your child attends, that they should heed your advice, and not be judgemental of your parenting. If you're fortunate enough to have a school that works with you, this should not be a problem. If you're fortunate enough to have a school that understands autism, then again, your job will be easier. For those of struggling on both counts, we need to figure out a solution... Any suggestions or ideas are most welcome!!!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Typical children are much better at verbal communication skills than children with autism. Typical children do not always rely on physical behavior to relate a message. Often, children with autism are telling us a lot with their behavior. They can be giving an answer, asking a question or expressing a frustrated response.
Some behaviors expressed by children with autism may be appropriate or inappropriate depending on the situation. Inappropriate behaviors give a negative aspect to our children's learning experience.
It does not matter if the negative behavior occurs in a social situation or academic situation. A negative behavior must be dealt with so that the child with autism can acquire as much information as possible. Some undesired behaviors can not be eliminated. In that case those behaviors should be exchanged with desirable behaviors the child can use. In order to do this, it is both the teacher's and parent's responsibility to teach the child to "change their mind" as my dad says.
One of the stories a family related to me was a teacher who was asking their child a question. Just for example we are going to say the question was 'What is 2 + 2?' This family's child did not understand the question. Their child did not even know how to answer the teacher. It is very common for children with autism to have auditory deficits and not be able to focus on what he's being asked. As far as I'm concerned, if the government insist on inclusion, then this bit of information should automatically be listed in the teacher's handbook.
The first thing their child did was to become withdrawn. The well meaning teacher went closer to the child and asked again. Now this family's child became aggressive and used some really choice curse words. While the well meaning teacher wants to help the child, the child with autism perceives this as an invasion of his space, or an attack. Dayton's perception would be that he's in trouble and under attack. His auditory processing is severely impaired, and he while he can speak, it doesn't mean that he is able to process verbal questions or instructions all of the time. For the most part, he's pretty good at it, but sometimes... let's just say that there are times were he's over stimulated by sounds, smells and too many things going on in the classroom... Auditory processing (hearing and understanding what the speaker is trying to convey to you) and speaking yourself are two completely different things. While closely connected, they are not the same thing.
A little understanding of a child with Autism and communication can help this situation. If a parent and teacher wish to change this undesirable behavior they need to replace it. This is done by teaching a child a different technique or method of getting what they want. In order to do this, parents and teachers MUST work together. Furthermore, the policy of "inclusion" orders for the teacher to accommodate special need students. Most children with autism are very visual learners, so the teacher should accommodate visually to the child, instead of giving auditory instructions. Furthermore, replacing the behavior is NOT ENOUGH. The child needs to practice the replacement behavior. Children with autism do not automatically learn things like typical children do, they must practice over and over in order to "get it."
Tell the child with autism that when they do not understand what someone is asking they can raise their hand. This is a technique to let the adult know what is going on. Another technique is to teach the child to say a special word or phrase instead of cursing. This also gives adults involved a cue that they are feeling frustrated.
Then everyone involved has to understand if they do not respond to those cues the behavior will escalate!!! These are two simple but possibly effective way to help or change behavior in a positive way. Changing or shaping the behavior will help the child with autism have an environment more in line with their learning needs. As most children with autism have difficulties with auditory processing, the teacher could then write down or draw the question out for the child with autism, which would most likely have a better response.
Now many of you would say "a child cursing? That is highly inappropriate! Where is the child learning these words?" as many of the teachers themselves think. Let me assure you that parents of autistic children do not condone cursing from their children. It is not acceptable behavior. To answer your question, it is not the parents that teach their autistic children how to curse. Dayton NEVER curses at home, EVER.
The trick is to convince the school your child attends, that they should heed your advice, and not be judgemental of your parenting. If you're fortunate enough to have a school that works with you, this should not be a problem. If you're fortunate enough to have a school that understands autism, then again, your job will be easier. For those of struggling on both counts, we need to figure out a solution... Any suggestions or ideas are most welcome!!!
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
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