When, Heaven Forbid, Chocolate Fails, Try A Margarita.

Yup.  I'm having one of them days.  I love my friends, I really, really do, but the friends that are not autism parents tend to drive me nuts sometimes.  It's not their fault, really.  They're not faced with autism the way I am every day.  They don't understand, nor do they need to.  But there are times where I really wish they'd keep their freaking opinions to themselves, know what I mean?

"What Dayton really needs a good swift kick in the butt."
Yeah...  I felt like shoving my foot up this victim's butt, but unfortunately I got whiplash from whipping my head to face her.
"He's not autistic, he looks fine."
"He's a little hyper, you medicate him for that, right?"  While in the same sentence she asks me if I forgot to give him his meds this morning.
"Oh well...  I've heard of kids not really speaking until they hit five, cause they have nothing to say.  Wasn't it Einstein that didn't talk till he was five?  He made out well, didn't he?"
"Dayton's a lot smarter than you give him credit for.  He's a bright kid, you just need to stop using the "autism card."
"You baby Dayton way too much.  You should let him play outside without you sitting there watching him like a hawk.  How is he suppose to become self sufficient when you won't let him fight his own battles?"  (This coming from the same mom that told me that Dayton's not allowed to play with her son because Dayton always ends up hurting him).
After Dayton gets into a fight with another child:  "What that boy needs is a good spank."  Then I turn around and tell the parent:  "If you could teach your kid some manners and have him stop calling my child a retard, Dayton wouldn't have had to defend himself."
"Dayton's not autistic Lou, he's just like any other kid."  Really?  Is that why he rings your door bell and laughs when you answer it?  Most children would say "hey, can I play with little Joey?"  Not Dayton...  He rings the door bell and laughs when the person answers it, not knowing what to say, or what his purpose is. 
My all time favorite comes from Dayton's school...  "what Dayton needs is some DISCIPLINE."  Hmmmm, yes, I can see how his autism would go away, he just needs some discipline. 

Let's take a look at an example, shall we?  It's summer!!!  On our way to the beach, just a short distance away, how many of us have walked on gravel because we're just to lazy to lace up our shoes...  It's only a few steps, no biggy, right?  All the way, you're thinking "ouch, ouch, ouch, should have put my damn shoes on.  In what moment of insanity did I think walking bare foot on hot coals from hell was a brilliant idea?"  Well, autism is kind of like that, in that it keeps a parent on their toes, but for children like Dayton who are undersensative and need more stimulation that others, he can run through that same hot gravel.  His pain threshold is super high, and sometimes scary.  For instance, last year's May long weekend's camping trip ended up with Dayton breaking his foot in three different places by jumping from the top of the play structure to the ground.  In tears (which rarely happens), he tells me his foot hurts.  I brush the tears away, examine his foot which looks just fine, comfort as much as he will allow me, and ask him "babe, would you feel better and stop crying if I get you some ice cream?"  He nodded a brave yes, and wiped the rest of his tears away.  He stopped crying immediately!  I sat beside him and watch him lick his ice cream, smiling away.  He seemed happy and carefree, confirming my suspicion that he was 'just fine.'

He limped all the way back to our campsite, but by evening, he was running around in circles!  Holly cow!  We went home the next day, and at bed time I saw his foot was swollen a tiny bit, but Dayton didn't complain.  He went to school the next day, limping a little, and I felt guilty going to work, but figured he was OK.  After work, I decided it wouldn't hurt to have his foot examined by a doctor.  Sure enough, it was broken in three places...  Had it been me, I'd have been crying, screaming, raging in pain, writhing on the floor and refusing to get up, in essence, having a melt down.  There's no way I'd be able to put my shoe on, never mind run around with a busted foot.

Today, I left Dayton with a babysitter and went out with a girlfriend for a little me time.  About an hour into me time, I get a call from the babysitter...  Dayton got sick and vomit all over her sofa...  He then walked across to the love seat, and tried wiping the vomit onto the love seat, trying to hide the fact that he got sick because he wanted to go swimming.  Just thinking that a neurotypical kid of nine years old would probably get a cloth to wipe up the vomit...   He then told his babysitter that the "cat puked."  I asked to speak to Dayton, who told me he was feeling fantastic:  "Momma, please tell Amy to take me swimming!!!  I wanna swim!!!  I'm feeling good momma.  I don't know what happened."

He was fine all day, running around like the mad little monkey only my son can imitate.  After talking to Amy, she said my man was typical Dayton, running around, stopped long enough to get sick (less than a minute), then started running again!  Hmmmmm...  Really shouldn't be surprising to me.  I can't even count how many times I was called by Dayton's school to come and pick him up early because he wasn't feeling well, sometimes as early as half an hour into his first class!  By the time I got him home, he was back to normal.  How many neurotypical kids can do that?

So, today, when my friend tried to convince me that Dayton doesn't have autism, that I need to stop treating him differently and stop using the "autism card" for everything he does, I had some chocolate.  It didn't work, I wanted a cigarette so badly, but I've been trying to quit smoking, so I turned to the next best thing.  As soon as my friends hear the blender going, they know I'm having a margarita, which means whatever they've just told me has not been appreciated.  I made two, brought it out to the patio, but my friend ran off.  Maybe she thought I'd dump a margarita over her head?  She knows me so well!  Oh well, more for me!!!


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

The Autism Creed

Grandma Karen...  darling, witty, charismatic, funny and loving Dayton to a fault grandma Karen.  I think out of all the people that have a relationship with my son, grandma Karen actually "gets" Dayton.  She seems to know how he thinks, she's quick to come up with disciplinary actions that make sense and are not degrading to Dayton and have an affect on him, and loves him unconditionally.  I am very fortunate to have her support, and so is Dayton.  He loves her right back.  Autism can make for a lonely life, but thanks to grandma Karen, I'm not lonely.  Over time, she's become my voice of reason.  


So, funny Karen had posted a funny on my facebook page, called the "Toddler's Creed," asking me to substitute Dayton's name for Toddler.  Here it is:

Toddler's Creed

If I want it, it's mine.
If I give it to you and change my mind later, it's mine.
If I take it away from you, it's mine.
...If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it will never belong to anybody else, no matter what.
If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine.  If it looks just like mine, it's mine.

Notice any similarities with your child?  How true it is for Dayton!!!  

"If I want it, it's mine."  How many times did I get an email from school, telling me how Dayton took someones pop, juice, chocolate bar, etc...

"If I give it to you and I change my mind later, it's mine."  Ugh.  I hate this one.  Dayton has 'traded' Pokemon cards and parts of his bayblades, only to throw a fit later because he wants his stuff back.  Trying to explain that 'trading' means you're giving up your stuff for the stuff you 'traded' for is pointless sometimes.  So I've made it a rule for all the kids to know...  NO TRADING. 


"If I take it away from you, it's mine."  Ummm, need I say more?  Holly crap, happens all the time!  The other day Dayton's playing with his buddy's Pokemon Black Nintendo DS games.  When his buddy shows up at our place to play with Dayton, he sees the game and has a meltdown of his own.  "That's my game Dayton!  I've been looking for it everywhere!!!"  
"It's mine!"
"No it isn't!  The character's name is Tommy, that's MY NAME!!!  And he's done all the levels I've done with my character.  This is MY GAME!!!  You stole it from me!  I'm not your friend anymore!!!"


"If I had it a little while ago, it's mine."  Yes, visiting a friend or playing outside sharing toys with the other kids, we run into this ALL THE TIME.  The boys on the playground are playing with life savers (I think that's what they're called...  they're those light sword things from Star Wars.  Anyway...  Dayton drops it on the ground, Evan picks it up, and it's all out war.  "That's mine Evan!!!"
"No, it's Tommy's!"
"Give it back Evan, NOW!!!"
You get how it ends...


"If it's mine, it will never belong to anyone else, no matter what."  Just recently, I gave one of Dayton's six year old friends Dayton's old pajamas...  Holly spaz!!!  "Dayton, the pajamas haven't fit you since you were seven!!!  (He's nine years old now)  Just let Evan have them!!!"
"No, they're mine!"
"Dayton, you don't like to wear pajamas!!!  You never wear them!"
"They're mine and I said NO!!!"


"If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine."  I don't know how many times I've emptied Dayton's pant pockets before putting them in the wash, to find little pieces of daycare or school lego.  "It's mine!!!"  
"Dayton, we don't have Star Wars lego!"
"But Johnny and I built it together, it's mine..."
Ugh.  I'm not sure if some trading's taking place or if it belongs to the school or daycare, and I'm too tired to fight after making Dayton do his reading...  


"If it looks just like mine, it's mine."  Hmmmm...  This one happened just last night.  
"No Dayton, that's my camping chair!!!"  Screams Evan at the top of his lungs.  I look over and sure enough, the boys are playing tug of war with this fold up chair, and I'm trying to get to them as fast as I can, holding my kidney in place before it explodes.  Sure enough, Dayton wins the tug of war, and in the process grazes Evan's face with one of the legs of the chair.  Tears explode out of Evan and the water works begin.  "DAYTON HIT ME IN THE FACE!!!"  
Evan doesn't care if it was an accident or not, he's six years old, to him there is no such thing as an accident, it's all intentional.  I love this boy as though he was my own, so tears well up in my eyes too.  The pain in my kidney intensifies and my mind goes fuzzy.  I wish I could have got to them sooner, so no one got hurt.  Evan's chair looks EXACTLY like Dayton's.  My mistake.  I figured if I bought the boys the same kind of chair, there would be no fighting...  Boy was I wrong.


Oh well.  One day, my little prince will learn through natural consequences that this kind of behavior will lose him friends.  I hope.  In the mean time, I'm the mamma outside at the playground, sitting in my camping chair, supervising his play, in pain or not.  




Consider yourselves hugged,


Lou

Dayton's Principal Retires

I am so confused.  As much as I've disagreed with most of the Principal's views, she is the only person that Dayton actually respects at his school.  Respect and "like" are two different things, and while Dayton rejoices at the prospect of having this principal retire, I'm not so sure I care for this tid bit of news.

This principal is tough.  She doesn't take Dayton's crap or anyone else's for that matter.  She knows everything that's happening in the school, I swear, this woman is the mother you hear about with eyes in the back of her head.  She sees it and knows it all.  No student is able to get away with anything without her knowing about it.  Sure, she's sliped here and there, but all she has to do is give Dayton "the look."  You know the look.  The one that makes you shake in fear, the one that makes you stop, think, then do what you're told to do. 

Like I've said, her and I don't really see eye to eye on very much, but when it comes to Dayton...  I don't know...  But lately, it seems that out of all the staff, she's the one most interested in learning about autism.  I just think Dayton could learn a lot from her.  I think she's the type of person Dayton needs to have as an aid.

Dayton's had good aids, that are kind, generous and have been able to connect with Dayton on a personal level.  He's had some bad ones too.  But even with the good ones, he seems to control them, rather than the aid controlling him and his behavior.  Perhaps the word control is not a good choice of wording...  But do you know what I mean?  At home, Dayton knows I'm the parent, and he will do as I say.  At school, he seems to be under the impression that he is an 'equal' with the staff, and doesn't seem to view the staff as 'authority figures,' with the exception of his principal that is...

Dayton's resource teacher is wonderful with Dayton, and he seems to work well with her, probably because she takes him out of the classroom to the resource room, where it's just the two of them, knee to knee, working 'together.'  I have never had an issue with the resource teacher, even though Dayton has stolen her pop and her apple...  The little rascal.  I wish I could talk to her more often.

The guidance counselor...  well, let's just say her and I do not get along.  Unfortunately, Dayton knows exactly what Glen and I think of her.  She's one of those hoity toity women who thinks she's above us all.  She's made me so uncomfortable that I have Dayton bussed to and from school.  I don't like meeting her in the school, as she just seems to judge me.  Whenever I see her, I hear all the negative things Dayton is doing.  Rarely ever do I hear a positive remark from her regarding Dayton.  Fortunately, I'm not the only one that's seen her hostility.  The CFS worker advocating for Dayton in the school has met her hostility head on, on numerous occasions, as well as my CSS worker and Dayton's behavior therapist.  The three of us have discussed her hostility, chawking it up as just her 'personality.'  Unfortunately for us, the principal is not taking this woman with her in her retirement. 

So, upon learning of the Principal's retirement, I first congratulated her, and told her how much I respect her.  Again, differing views and respect are two different things...  I then asked her if she would consider coming back as Dayton's aid...  I think she thought I was being sarcastic or perhaps joking, but I'm not.  She has the right personality for the job.  She's strong minded, just like Dayton.  She knows how to get him to cooperate.  Dayton knows that she is in charge, making it less likely for him to disobey or be defiant.  There are times when the principal was actually able to discern the difference in Dayton's autistic behavior and him just being a nine year old boy, trying to push buttons and see how far he can go...  Not always, not the majority of the time, but non the less, she's made some great progress with Dayton, and I fear her retirement will make a huge impact on Dayton's learning.  Maybe, just maybe, she'll get bored and come back...  as Dayton's aid.  Maybe...

In the mean time, I will pray for the new principal to have some knowledge on autism, to train the staff and give them some autism programming. 

Just my crazy thought for the day...


Consider yourselves hugged,


Lou