Wanted: New Friends

My best friend and I broke up almost a week ago now, and I miss her very much.  The silver lining (yes, remember I always try to look for the silver lining, otherwise I'd lose my ever living mind) has been found to be less stress and a lot less drama.

I no longer have to play referee between her seven year old and my babe.  I swear little E's mission in life is to get Dayton in trouble.  I know this because of the incident that caused the demise of our friendship:  the boys are playing hockey outside with another little boy Dayton's age.  It's 8pm, which means it's dark outside.  I'm visiting the other little boy's mom and standing on her balcony, the only parent watching the boys.  Little E is screaming:  "Dayton!  Don't hit me!!!" while Dayton is chasing after the hockey puck, running farther and farther away from little E.  I call out to E and tell him this, and he tells me to "shut up.  I don't care."

I'm done with working my butt off to not offend the neurotypical kids around us when they themselves are inconsiderate, rude little pukes.

So here's what I'm wanting to do...

I want to rent out a gym, probably in St. Vital to make it central to everyone living in Winnipeg.  I'm thinking of every second Sunday afternoon for about an hour and a half.  I have no problem making this a free event for everyone, as I'm not after making a buck.  I will pay for the gym facilities for the year, providing I have enough of a turnout.  What I want from you is to tell me if you're interested in participating before I spend the money I could use somewhere else...  

Here's how I see it turning out:  

We meet every second Sunday.  The kids have two options:  play in the gym or play board games in the lobby or maybe do some crafting.  Parents have coffee while volunteers are with the kids.  Naturally, anyone supervising the kids will have a criminal record and child abuse registry check.  I will go and have this done for myself some time this week.  

This will be a time for parents to have a break and mingle with other parents, support each other and get ideas.  There is no excuse of "can't find respite, or can't afford it."  Your children with autism will have the opportunity to interact with other children who will accept them because they 'understand' them.  They will be interacting naturally with their peers in a social setting without the fear of being bullied or discriminated against.  Siblings and friends are allowed to come and participate in play as we want to encourage friendships and support with neurotypical children under the supervision of a caring, understanding adult who's main purpose will be to support the children with autism to reach out to others.  

Your child's placement on the spectrum may be important to you as a family, but not here...  We will include everyone.  Participation of the children on the spectrum is minimal:  if they chose to interact, great!  If they are comfortable to sit back and watch, then that's fine too.  The point is not to excel at something, but to feel accepted, something most of our kids don't feel at school or on the play ground. Who knows, maybe by not participating but by sitting and watching, they'll meet others on the spectrum doing the same and enjoy each other's company!!!   Everyone needs to get out of the house, right?  Let's create a sense of community not just for our kids, but for us parents too!


What I need from you:


All I need from you is to email me at autism.diva.help@gmail.com if you're interested in attending.  


If you're interested in volunteering, please let me know this in your email as well.  I am prepared to pay for your criminal record check and your child abuse registry check, so this will be of no cost to you.  Consider this my Christmas present to you.

Super Dad and I are thinking of a name for this group, and he's come up with a really good one, but we'd like to hear from you in your email with some suggestions too!



Consider yourselves hugged,


Lou

A Quiet Christmas

To be honest, I'm looking forward to a nice, quiet Christmas.  My dad thought of coming to visit from BC, but decided to stay home with his beloved new laptop that's given him new lady friends to harass on Facebook and Skype.

It's always the same with us...  A few days before Christmas we go a little in anticipation, especially my beloved babe.  Two years in a row now he ended up at his great aunt's house and opened all the Christmas presents as his dad and aunt were playing cards upstairs in the kitchen.  Dayton's not the kind of kid you just leave to his own vices. But the family just doesn't seem to learn from their mistakes and it repeats every year.

"Oh, he just needs a little discipline."
My response:  "No, he needs a little attention when he comes over for a visit!"

Christmas time is the time of year where everyone gets together and seems to forget that Christmas is about he KIDS, not the ADULTS.  Don't get me wrong, I'm an adult, and I love Christmas.  The point of Christmas is to celebrate Christ's birth first, then enjoy the company of the people we love.  The presents are a major distraction from the true meaning of Christmas, but every kid out there is getting Christmas presents, so I have to make sure Dayton has something good to open too.  But the major focus of Christmas is Christmas gatherings, and it seems when adults get together, we forget all about the kids.  They're in the house with us, they're safe, let's play!  At least, that's what Christmas has been like for us.

This year will be a little bit different, and I'm really looking forward to it.  Christmas will be at one of our favourite uncle's homes, right here in Winnipeg.  Uncle Eddie's a great guy with a fantastic sense of humour.  His wife Linda is super nice, and their daughter Kim...  to be honest, the ladies of the house are nice, but that's really all I know.  We haven't spent much time together.

Their Christmas presents will already have been opened, woooooohoooooo!!!  No need to worry about Dayton opening everything.  If Dayton goes a wee bit on the 'hyper' side, we get to excuse ourselves and leave.  But I have a feeling this year it will be different.

Dayton's learned a lot this past year.  He's much more vocal about his needs and wants, and more tolerant of things that would send him over the edge just a short year ago.  My Christmas tree has staid standing erect this year, the tinsel left on the tree, and the light bulbs have not been messed with or unscrewed.  This year, Dayton's WRAPPED Christmas presents and put them under the tree...  I'm missing one of my lip glosses and praying it's under the tree...  I've left a present for him under the tree (just one is all I'm brave enough to leave) and he's left it wrapped!  My babe's grown in the last couple of years, and this Christmas I celebrate this growth in the warmth of Christmas spirit.

It's OK to be thankful at Christmas time, trust me.


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Why Are Men So Irresponsible?!

I'm going to vent a little here...  OK, a lot!  Who am I kidding, this is a man bashing post, but I assure you it's with good reason...

What is wrong with men today?!  With the exception of Super Dad and a couple of men I can count on one hand, what is the problem with men and their responsibility with their children?  I mean seriously?!

I've been at my new job for three whole days now, and I'm ready to fire Dayton's dad.  That's right, I said it family and friends.  I would like to fire my baby's dad.  How do I go about doing that?

Monday:  Everything was fine since I only worked four hours and was able to pick up Dayton off the bus myself when he got home from school.

Tuesday:  I have the opportunity to continue working, and Glen (Dayton's dad) has the day off.  Before I went to work I talk to him telling him how guilty I felt on Monday, leaving my pharmacy team to drown, as they were super busy.  Meanwhile, during my job interview, I bragged how I would go down with the ship like the band in Titanic.  Glen and I both agree that he will pick up Dayton from the bus at 3:10pm, and I will call to remind him at 3pm.  I call his cell phone twice, no answer.  I call him at home twice, no answer...  My new employer wants me to stay...  I run out of the pharmacy telling her I will be right back, but need to check on my baby...  I drive like a maniac home to find the two of them safe and sound, playing Call of Duty...  something completely off limits!!!  No video games period from Monday to Friday, did I not make that crystal clear?!  I drive back to work and slink into the pharmacy completely humiliated.

Wednesday:  Glen calls me at work at exactly 3:10pm.  He tells me he's missed Dayton's bus.  "Exsqueeze me?!  What the bleep bleep bleep do you mean you've missed his bus?!"
"I lost track of time."
"It's the one and only thing you HAD to do today!!!"
"Well, what do I do?"
"GO FIND HIM!!!  Go to his school and if he's not there, then they can call the bus driver!!!  If you don't find him, I'm going to strangle you with my bare hands, do you understand?!  You call me when you get to Dayton's school and you let me know what's happening, got it?!"

Ten minutes later:  "Drove to the school, they called the bus driver and Dayton's still on the bus.  He's on his way home now."
"Good, now stay put and WAIT for him to get there!"
After I get home from work:  "What if I keep Dayton for the day tomorrow, it's the last day of school tomorrow, what's he going to miss?"
"Ummmm, I don't know, his friends?  His teachers?  He's going to be home for two weeks."
"Just thought it would be easier..."
Yes...  because I always have it easy and so does Dayton...  Hmmmm, why didn't I think of that?

Of course Dayton hears this...  "Yeah, I wanna stay home!  Mamma, why you so mean?!"
Guess who won?

Thursday morning:  Looking forward going to work.  At least I know Dayton will not be forgotten on a bus or at school and CFS won't be called for being neglectful.  Getting out of the madhouse for a while will do my soul some good.  My friends don't need to post bail for first degree murder, and Glen's friends don't need to worry about what to wear for his funeral.  Everyone's fine...

Grrr...


Considering myself hugged,

Lou

Autism De'Light

Certain things worry me about Dayton, visible things...

The older he gets, the more I believe in his diagnosis; it's as though he's grown into it.

The way he fidgets because his underwear "pinches, but they're not too small or too big mamma."  The way he slouches his shoulders no matter how much I'm after him to sit up straight and "pull your shoulders back!"  The way his body is always itchy and he feels compelled to scratch like crazy at times, especially when cuddling with me on the sofa.  The way he doesn't process temperature (in the summer at 35 C's he's wearing a long sleeved shirt hoodie and jeans, in the winter at -35 C's he's wearing his winter coat unzipped).  The way he chews the skin off the end of his fingers (and it doesn't hurt him to do this), the way he stares off into space as though pausing a movie then pressing play as he continues from where he left off...  the way he writes, talks, acts around others...

If you sat down with my babe for half an hour, you'd say I was nuts.  "There's nothing wrong with him," is something I hear often...  But spend a week with him, and you'd notice these little things too.  And these little things all add up, don't they?

I woke up to the radio last week to hear a Charles Adler show in session about autism and how the 'high end of the spectrum' is being over diagnosed all the time.

Let's put this into perspective most of us can understand...

How many of us have struggled or been concerned about adding an extra few pounds?  How many of us have been ten or twenty or thirty or forty or fifty lbs over weight or more?  News flash:  The pain of being a little over weight is painful, just as being very over weight is.  Pain is pain.  As a parent, am I grateful that Dayton fits on the higher end of the autism spectrum?  Absolutely, but in some ways, I can't help but think if he fit on the lower end of the spectrum, people would make accommodations for him that they don't now, nor will they in the future.  Dayton is and will be viewed as a little 'odd.'  And that hurts.  A lot.

I've heard the term 'autism light' many times; you'd think I'd be immune to it, but it still makes me cringe when someone refers to PDD-NOS as autism light.  It's far from light.  It hasn't been light on Dayton.  It's been hard, very hard.

I am very fortunate to finally have a teacher that understands my babe and cares about him and his education.  We have faced others who really couldn't have cared less.  Even worse, I swear they even looked for an excuse to get him suspended so they wouldn't have to deal with him.  Knowing that a teacher does not care for your child is difficult, and I am so blessed to not have to deal with that this year.  I've been praying for four years to have a teacher like the one Dayton has now.  Four long years...  I thank the Lord for her every morning, EVERY MORNING.

Had Dayton been diagnosed with classic autism, I bet the previous four teachers would have made allowances for his behaviour and cognitive delays, but alas they did not.  Instead of wording their questions in a way where Dayton didn't take them 'literally,' they engaged in full out war with him and had a power struggle with a cognitively delayed child, constantly forgetting that even though Dayton may chronologically be seven, eight or nine years old, he was actually mentally comprehending of that of a five, six or seven year old little boy.  This resulted in extreme physical altercations between my child and the school staff, where one time it took four teachers to hold my then fifty pound child to the floor.

So for those parents who think my child has 'autism light,' I ask that you take a moment, bite your tongue and acknowledge the fact that my pain is just as real as yours.  My struggles are just as real as yours and my concerns, worries and panic attacks in the middle of the night are also just as real as yours.  My tears are wet too, just like yours.




As dad Paul always reminds me at the end of a phone call, consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

I Am SPEECHLESS... And That's Saying A Lot!

Wow!

Holly Molly!

Right now...  I am speechless...  this does NOT happen often, so I urge you all to enjoy it, because I promise you, it won't last long...  I promise...

My day started off as always, with the exception of Dayton refusing to go school because his beloved educational assistant Mrs. H. is no longer at the school, so we missed the school bus and I had to drive him to school.  Then I raced home and got myself ready for my first day at a new job in pharmacy (WHICH I LOVE!!!).

I walked into the pharmacy as nervous as a porcupine walking through a balloon shop.  I've been an instructor for so long, I was sure the current pharmacy technicians had super high expectations of me...  you know, thinking I was God or something...  But they didn't.  In fact, I loved it there so much that I offered to come back after supper when Dayton's dad would be home to watch him.  I LOVED IT!!!  I felt productive for the first time in years!  More productive and appreciated than I had in all my time teaching.  I have a purpose again...  I feel fulfilled!  I can hardly wait until tomorrow when I go back to work!!!  The staff is amazing!!!

After work I had this brilliant idea of going to the bank...  in the mall...  Ohhhhh nnnoooooo....  I forgot about the sadistic Christmas shoppers out there, that are just chomping at the bit to assault you and anyone else standing in their way.  As I was waiting in line at the post office, the young girl standing in front of me in line pretty much verbally accosted the poor cashier.  It was horrible.  I could hardly wait to get home...  The mall is TOXIC this time of year.

After supper...  this is why I'm speechless...  I get a call from Dayton's teacher.  This is at 7pm at night...  and I'm thinking 'oh nnnnnooooo...  I'm going to have to quit my job, here we go...'

"I was just calling to tell you that Dayton had a fantastic day with his new aid.  He did great!  I also wanted to make sure that you knew the spelling test from last Friday is rescheduled for tomorrow.  He should do very well as he practices at school every day.  Oh, and did you get the work book you brought to the IEP meeting?  Would you like me to send Dayton's 'snake habitat' home tomorrow?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing!  I had told Dayton's teacher that I started my new job this morning, and she said that was another reason for her call, to see how I liked it!!!

I LOVE DAYTON'S NEW TEACHER!!!  I've never, ever had a teacher take the time out of HER evening, her unpaid time, time dedicated to herself and her family...  call me to say my babe had a fantastic day...  I am stunned into silence.  I'm speechless.  Someone pinch me, am I dreaming?!

Thank God for teachers like Mrs. G.  She's amazing!
She's certainly gone above and beyond my expectations...


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

Another One Bites The Dust

Ahhh yes, it's a tough week for Mr. Dayton.  Dayton's beloved educational assistant's last day of work was yesterday.  Today, he got to watch his grandma Karen move her belongings out of grandpa's home and leave for Colorado on her new life, and Big Mamma starts her new job on Monday.  Poor kid...

Hold up...  Did I say grandma Karen is leaving us?  Yes...  Even grandparents have marital issues.  Grandma Karen has been gone since September when her mom passed away, and today was the first time we've seen her since her terrible ordeal...  Losing a parent is never easy, no matter how old you are.

Dayton of course is confused...

Last night:  "Dayton, we're going to grandpa's tomorrow morning to help grandma move out.  I'd like to be there early, so I was thinking we'd get up at the same time we normally do to get ready for school and..."
"THERE'S NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!"
"I know babe, I was just saying that..."
"No, there's no school tomorrow, no, I'm not getting up early, no grandma moving out.  She has to stay."
"Babe, it's not up to us..."
"Her not have a choice, just like I don't.  No school tomorrow."
Ugh.

So off we went to grandpa's place this morning, only to be the last of the family to arrive.  Dayton's uncles and aunties were already there, and so was grandma Karen, who glanced at us and said:  "Oh good, there's more of you..."

I lost it.  I'm not proud of it, but remember how I was saying that a year ago, I would cry when someone hurt my feelings, or Dayton's feelings, and I would try to reason with the person as I am a people pleaser.  Now I've become Lou's evil twin Lola; not caring who I hurt, leaving a path of destruction behind me.  I snapped back at her:  "Well, you'd think you'd be happy to see your family again!"  She didn't speak to me again.

As I sat on the living room floor with the rest of the family, I felt completely uncomfortable.  So it seemed did grandma Karen.  She walked around the place like death warmed over.  I can't say I blame her, knowing that everyone present was there for grandpa; loyalty lines were drawn, and blood is thicker than water, right?  I felt a little bad for her.  But she did hurt my baby...

"Grandma's not gonna leave me mamma, she loves me."
"Babe, this has nothing to do with you.  This is stupid grown up stuff."
"Mamma, she loves me.  She told me she did."
"I don't think that's changed babe.  She does love you, but things have changed for her.  She has to go back home.  It's not about you, it's about her."
"Is this why Mrs. H. (his educational assistant) had to go too?  Stupid grown up stuff?"
"Pretty much babe.  Stupid grown up stuff."
"But you said you love me, and you never leave me mamma.  That's what you said."
"That's different babe.  Grandma does love you, and she is leaving, but she's not leaving you."
"How you say she not leaving me when she leaving?"
Grrrr...

So I lost my cool.  I'm not happy about it.  I'm especially not happy that my babe saw me lose my cool.  I'm not happy that our family's been turned upside down, and that Dayton's lost his grandma.

This twin sister Lola is not who I am.  I'm not this person, and I don't like her.

So, to try and put a smile on both our faces, Dayton and I had what we call 'family night.'  We played the little version of Cranium (totally love it, I've modified it to have our own version), tried to play some yahtzee, and then daddy came back to Winnipeg from The Pas...  The two of them are currently arguing over the MW3 video game.  Lovely.  I think I'm going to make it an early night tonight.

Calgon, take me away!


Consider yourselves hugged,

Lou

My Baby's Heart Aches!

It was a loooooong and rough night last night.  I've been up all night, with Dayton crying because he couldn't sleep, begging me to turn his brain off...

My poor babe is devastated that his beloved educational assistant is leaving.  Today is her last day, and I thought I could ease the ache and prepare him for the "goodbyes" by bringing him a gift to give to this wonderful lady...  While it was a nice gesture, and he was super excited to hand the gift to her, it did little to ease his pain once we got home.

At first I thought he was just trying to get out of bed time, you know, the usual stuff that goes on at bed time.  Actually, thinking about it now and replaying it over and over and over again in my mind, it's almost become a bed time routine.

"Dayton, bed time."
"Awwww..."
"I know, I know babe.  Time to turn off the TV."  (I tell him this about twenty minutes prior to his actual bed time because I know we are going to squabble for about twenty minutes before he finally gives in.)
"Just five more minutes mamma, plllllllleeeeeeeeeease!!!"
"OK babe, five minutes, and then promise you will turn off the TV."
"OK mamma..."

"Dayton, time to turn off the TV.  Time to get out of your clothes and go to bed.  Where's Jack?  (His cat he can not sleep without.  Before Jack came into our lives, I had super big hair dues to Dayton's playing with it until he fell asleep, kind of like a bird's nest, resembling Albert Einstein's hair...  So yes, our cat must earn his keep...  Don't go calling PETA now folks.  Relax.  Jack is pampered silly during the day, and I now have hair to die for).

"But mamma, I'm hungry."
"OK, let's get you a yogurt or would you like an apple and cheese?"
"Yogurt please, and tea."
Grrrr...  the tea.  I hate making tea.  "OK buddy, go brush your teeth and get ready, I'll get your snack and tea."

"OK Dayton, time for bed.  Let's get your home reading out."
"There is no home reading."
"Really?  You've forgotten it again?!"
"No, there's just no home reading."
"Babe, you haven't had home reading all week, this is strange as you always have home reading."
"Well, maybe not anymore since Mrs. H. is leaving."
"Dayton, you either start bringing home books for home reading, or I promise you, I will make you read one of my books on Pharmacology buddy...  And you remember how hard those words are and how they make no sense and how bored you got, right?"
Head hangs down:  "Yes mamma."

Off to bed he went.  Or so I had thought.

About twenty minutes later he comes to see me in the living room, tears rolling down a very, very red and scrunched up face...

"Mamma, I can't sleep!!!"
"Oh sweetie, what happened buddy?  What's the matter?"
"I don't want Mrs. H. to go."
"Baby, I'm so sorry, but your Principal assured me that your new assistant is someone you've met before, someone you liked.  I'm sure things will be fine" I say, as I'm biting hard on my lower lip...  While you may not care for my words THIS REALLY SUCKS.  And it really makes me not like men very much at all.  Not that I'm saying all men are bad...  easy now fellas, but to be honest, there are only a handful of men in my life that I think do whatever it takes for their kids.  And while I don't know our beloved assistant's ex husband, I'd really like to kick his a$$.  Because it's all his fault.  Can't go into details, but trust me, I know it's his fault.  I'm being unreasonable and very selfish, but you don't understand...

My son did NO work for two years.  My son did not participate with the rest of his peers with anything for two years.  My son was constantly suspended for two years.  I left my job because I got sick from the stress of it all, and finally pulled Dayton out of school early last year, because the staff had nothing under control, and believed Dayton to be a behavioural problem and that he had no 'discipline.'  The word autism didn't seem to fit in with their line of thinking.

Now we have this wonderful, beautiful human being come into our lives, who loves Dayton and Dayton knows she cares about him, which has prompted him to be more compliant.  He knows this woman has faith in him and that he is capable and she encourages him every single day.  Dayton trust her completely.  He loves her.  For Dayton to say that he "loves" someone, he really, truly means it, and you should take it as a huge complement if he offers you his heart, because this is very, very rare.  I have heard Dayton say that he likes people, but never once has he used the word "love" for any of his assistants, EVER.

I wish I could name this wonderful woman, so that where ever she ends up next, knows that they don't just have an "aid."  This woman is a "professional educational assistant."  She is what every parent hopes the school finds for their child, and the woman needs a raise.

"Babe, would it make it easier for you to sleep in my bed tonight?
"Yes mamma, I need your hugs."
"I need your's too babe, I need them lots, OK?"
I finally got Dayton to sleep at around 11pm, his "normal" bed time routine starts at 7:30pm.  He kept waking up all through the night, crying and begging me to turn his brain off.

"Please mamma, shut my feeling button off.  I don't want to feel so bad."

I want to turn my feeling button off too.  I really, really do :(

I'm having a bad hair day today, bird's nest back and the vultures were circling me again this morning...

Who ever gets this blessed woman, I want you to know that she is absolutely amazing.  And if I can figure out a way to get her back (like breaking her ex husband's legs or something), I will do it.

If my son LOVES her, she'll be worth the jail time... LOL


Consider yourselves hugged, while I crawl back into bed.  Two hours of sleep just does not cut it with me.  I need my beauty sleep folks.


Consider yourself hugged, as Dad Paul says to me every time I speak with him.  And I do feel his hug.  I hope you feel mine.


Lou