This post has nothing to do about autism.
I've had a rough week, both professionally and personally. One of my favourite patients passed away, after just recently re-marrying. He was 43 years old, and talking to his wife, something she said really hit home for me...
"After 14 years of being married to an asshole, I finally found the right man. And now he's gone."
Later, I found out my co-worker's 21 year old sister in law was killed in a car crash. The wedding took place last summer. I feel horrible for the family... No one should lose someone so young...
21 years old. Seems like a life time ago for me. 43...
And so I think of my life.
I've had two major surgeries: a hysterectomy and a bilateral mastectomy to ensure I live past the age of 35. I'm a wee bit older than that, no need to worry about my age, but it's always been in the back of my mind to be grateful for the extension of my life.
Today, I'm thinking about how to spend the extra years... have I truly been happy with my life? Is there anything I can do to make it better? Healthier for both Dayton and I? Happier?
The answer is a resounding YES!!! But change is scary, and there are no guarantees starting something new. The unknown is a scary place to be. Not knowing expectations and boundaries, afraid of 'messing up.' I've never been one to take a chance or a risk. I am a creature of habit, comfortable in knowing how my day looks like ahead, even though I know I won't be happy with it.
That is coming to an end. I will no longer walk on eggshells. I will do as I please and laugh when I want to laugh. That is not to say that I'm going to become a complete jerk. I'm not about to go out and blurt whatever's on my mind and tell people they need a hair cut or a change in stylists. I am not a cruel person.
I'm done pretending for other's happiness. I'm moving on with my life, and taking risks and chances along the way. I'm going to be happy, and share my happiness with people I care about. And for those that have hurt me, I'm no longer willing to bend over backwards for their happiness.
Marilyn Monroe said it best: "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best!" Totally sounds like me and where I am at this point in my life.
Anyways, if you're worried you're on my black list, here's a simple way to know where I've placed you on my priority list: The only people who matter to me are those who treat me like I matter to them. I think that's fair, wouldn't you agree?
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Thursday, 14 June 2012
Monday, 4 June 2012
Like An Autism Mom's Plate Ain't Full Enough
It doesn't seem to matter what your age is, some people just never grow up. Sure, they grow taller, as Dayton's dad seems to remind me when I tell him to grow up (he always points to his height and tells me he's more grown up then I am, yes, I'm height challenged). But I'm here to tell you that just isn't the same.
Someone messaged me on facebook, telling me how an educational assistant at Dayton's school has told people that my son is a "Curse" on his school. While I have mentioned Dayton's name more than once on Autism Diva Help, I have never mentioned the school name or anyone who works there by name. This person was able to name the school and one of the educational assistant's name, in fact the same educational assistant who hurt Dayton last year by bending his thumb back harshly in order to get an item out of his hand... So, naturally, I paid attention to this message and even put up a message on Autism Diva Help to have this person contact me again.
Here are his/her messages to me:
Message number 1: Hi Mrs. Lovrin. I think you would like to know this, and as a parent myself I would want to know. There are teachers and EA's at ****** School that talk about you and your son outside of school, and in inappropriate manner. I called the school as a concerned parent to complain, but also thought you should know this. Ms.******** and other teachers that work and have worked with your son do this. It should stop! It disturbs me that this goes on, the maturity level of these people that are suppose to show and teach our young. Never mind how much of a confident breach it is. Sorry to tell you this, but you probably already thought it went on. I am confirming it does.
Message number 2: I emailed you in shock about what I was hearing said about your son at ******** school. And as far as I can tell you have not done anything about it. I heard some more terrible things today from an EA Ms. ********** about your son and how much of "A Curse" he is to have in the school. And there were people around. How can we have EAs and teacher think, and speak about kids so wrongfully. I have called the school about this and they have not done anything. I am hoping you do!
Did you know that facebook has two different places to check messages? Yup, I now check both places for messages every day. The first message was sent to me in Feb, the next in March. I didn't read the messages until MAY!!! So I message this informant back, explaining that I'm just not as facebook savy as I once thought I was and to please contact me... Her/His response, message number 3:
Hi again,
My apologies on the delay this time. I have been away from Facebook. I just seen your blog today. I do not have any more information to tell you, other than what I have already said. The rest is up to you to follow up on. It must be tough in your shoes. I feel for you, and these kind of people who feel they have to belittle the mentally challenged and socially weak. To me this is a kind of bullying in the worst form, something the schools are against. This is why I feel as though I had to inform you about what I know. I am sure you can pick out the handful plus a few who have spoken badly about you and your son behind your backs and in very inappropriate manners. I do not feel I am close enough to the situation to be directly involved, I have enough on my plate as I'm sure you would appreciate. I wish I could help you more. If I hear of anything else, you would be the first to know.
Please keep me and your other blog fans informed on how things turn out. You seem like a very nice woman with a lot on your plate. Keep in touch.
My response: I would like to know who the other teachers are, and WHERE they were discussing my son. I have called the school, and the principal says that he has already dealt with the situation, telling me that you and Ms. ******** have a 'private' issue and that this is why you called the school, to get even with her. So... without further information, they are not going to do anything.
Message number 4: Ms. ***** ****is the only one whose name I know. The others I do not. I do not have any issues with anyone, I do have issues with teachers slandering students. Especially students who are mentally ill. Can I ask you this Mrs. Lovrin? Whatever my situation is with Ms. ************* or anyone, why do I even know THESE things at all? That is inappropriate in itself. I should not have had to say anything other than what I said in the original email to you, and the phone call I made to the school. They should be doing something about this, it is a shameful response from the principal to chalk this serious situation up to a "personal issue". I personally would not want my families issues flaunted around a public school. By the STAFF! Maybe you have to take this up with your Superintendent? Local MP?. I would try the school division first. This is a sad situation. Like I said good luck!
Soooo...
If this is someone trying to get back at Ms. ***********, then who am I to falsely accuse anyone of something as horrendous as bullying a child with autism? I will agree with the writer of these messages on one point... Confidentiality HAS been breached, in a BIG way. There's no way for this person to know where my son attends school or any private family issues that are circulating around the school as well as outside of the school. I can not ignore that. Even if this person has an issue with Ms ****** and is somehow trying to get even with this EA, it is obvious that this EA has been talking about Dayton and I.
I do have a message for this EA: UNDERSTAND THIS: Say what you want about me, I'm an adult and can certainly handle your level of immaturity... But, say the wrong thing TO or ABOUT my child (this goes for ANYONE that disrespects my babe) and you'd better sleep with your eyes open. You think my son is a curse in your school... Lady, you don't know what a curse is! Try having what are supposed to be mature, caring adults trying to make you go crazy, pushing your buttons until you go postal... That's a curse, and you've imposed it on me. Maybe I should have done more last year when you hurt my babe, but I let it go as people make mistakes and get frustrated. Dayton wasn't very hurt, so no harm done, but do not mistake my kindness for weakness. That is your curse my dear. The old Lou, the one who bent over backwards for y'all is gone. She's been replaced with a new me. One that doesn't cry when you hurt her feelings, but fights back. There's a curse for ya!
So. If you have any information on what's happening or have any ideas as to how to come to the truth of the matter, please email me or facebook message me. Your thought, prayers, weapons and advice is very much appreciated.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Someone messaged me on facebook, telling me how an educational assistant at Dayton's school has told people that my son is a "Curse" on his school. While I have mentioned Dayton's name more than once on Autism Diva Help, I have never mentioned the school name or anyone who works there by name. This person was able to name the school and one of the educational assistant's name, in fact the same educational assistant who hurt Dayton last year by bending his thumb back harshly in order to get an item out of his hand... So, naturally, I paid attention to this message and even put up a message on Autism Diva Help to have this person contact me again.
Here are his/her messages to me:
Message number 1: Hi Mrs. Lovrin. I think you would like to know this, and as a parent myself I would want to know. There are teachers and EA's at ****** School that talk about you and your son outside of school, and in inappropriate manner. I called the school as a concerned parent to complain, but also thought you should know this. Ms.******** and other teachers that work and have worked with your son do this. It should stop! It disturbs me that this goes on, the maturity level of these people that are suppose to show and teach our young. Never mind how much of a confident breach it is. Sorry to tell you this, but you probably already thought it went on. I am confirming it does.
Message number 2: I emailed you in shock about what I was hearing said about your son at ******** school. And as far as I can tell you have not done anything about it. I heard some more terrible things today from an EA Ms. ********** about your son and how much of "A Curse" he is to have in the school. And there were people around. How can we have EAs and teacher think, and speak about kids so wrongfully. I have called the school about this and they have not done anything. I am hoping you do!
Did you know that facebook has two different places to check messages? Yup, I now check both places for messages every day. The first message was sent to me in Feb, the next in March. I didn't read the messages until MAY!!! So I message this informant back, explaining that I'm just not as facebook savy as I once thought I was and to please contact me... Her/His response, message number 3:
Hi again,
My apologies on the delay this time. I have been away from Facebook. I just seen your blog today. I do not have any more information to tell you, other than what I have already said. The rest is up to you to follow up on. It must be tough in your shoes. I feel for you, and these kind of people who feel they have to belittle the mentally challenged and socially weak. To me this is a kind of bullying in the worst form, something the schools are against. This is why I feel as though I had to inform you about what I know. I am sure you can pick out the handful plus a few who have spoken badly about you and your son behind your backs and in very inappropriate manners. I do not feel I am close enough to the situation to be directly involved, I have enough on my plate as I'm sure you would appreciate. I wish I could help you more. If I hear of anything else, you would be the first to know.
Please keep me and your other blog fans informed on how things turn out. You seem like a very nice woman with a lot on your plate. Keep in touch.
My response: I would like to know who the other teachers are, and WHERE they were discussing my son. I have called the school, and the principal says that he has already dealt with the situation, telling me that you and Ms. ******** have a 'private' issue and that this is why you called the school, to get even with her. So... without further information, they are not going to do anything.
Message number 4: Ms. ***** ****is the only one whose name I know. The others I do not. I do not have any issues with anyone, I do have issues with teachers slandering students. Especially students who are mentally ill. Can I ask you this Mrs. Lovrin? Whatever my situation is with Ms. ************* or anyone, why do I even know THESE things at all? That is inappropriate in itself. I should not have had to say anything other than what I said in the original email to you, and the phone call I made to the school. They should be doing something about this, it is a shameful response from the principal to chalk this serious situation up to a "personal issue". I personally would not want my families issues flaunted around a public school. By the STAFF! Maybe you have to take this up with your Superintendent? Local MP?. I would try the school division first. This is a sad situation. Like I said good luck!
Soooo...
If this is someone trying to get back at Ms. ***********, then who am I to falsely accuse anyone of something as horrendous as bullying a child with autism? I will agree with the writer of these messages on one point... Confidentiality HAS been breached, in a BIG way. There's no way for this person to know where my son attends school or any private family issues that are circulating around the school as well as outside of the school. I can not ignore that. Even if this person has an issue with Ms ****** and is somehow trying to get even with this EA, it is obvious that this EA has been talking about Dayton and I.
I do have a message for this EA: UNDERSTAND THIS: Say what you want about me, I'm an adult and can certainly handle your level of immaturity... But, say the wrong thing TO or ABOUT my child (this goes for ANYONE that disrespects my babe) and you'd better sleep with your eyes open. You think my son is a curse in your school... Lady, you don't know what a curse is! Try having what are supposed to be mature, caring adults trying to make you go crazy, pushing your buttons until you go postal... That's a curse, and you've imposed it on me. Maybe I should have done more last year when you hurt my babe, but I let it go as people make mistakes and get frustrated. Dayton wasn't very hurt, so no harm done, but do not mistake my kindness for weakness. That is your curse my dear. The old Lou, the one who bent over backwards for y'all is gone. She's been replaced with a new me. One that doesn't cry when you hurt her feelings, but fights back. There's a curse for ya!
So. If you have any information on what's happening or have any ideas as to how to come to the truth of the matter, please email me or facebook message me. Your thought, prayers, weapons and advice is very much appreciated.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Friday, 1 June 2012
Back Away From The Board Of Education
Have you had one of those as a kid growing up? You know the paddle called the board of education your parents wielded at you when you misbehaved? I sure did, and I'm wondering if my dad still has it...
My little man's been quite the little grand master bully at school, and not bullying kids either, but his principal and educational assistant... And it gets better... It's all my fault.
I've noticed how I've trained the kids at our patio homes to get Dayton in trouble. Trying to avoid conflict between Dayton and the kids and raise some 'understanding,' I've asked the kids to come to me if there are 'issues' with Dayton and their 'play.' You know, be the referee before things get out of hand. Thinking I could prevent meltdowns, embarrassing moments for Dayton, awkward times with kids... Yeah, how about no. That didn't really work out well.
Instead I hear kids screaming at Dayton "no, stop, don't hit me!!!" when I'm sitting on the patio, look up and see Dayton playing by himself, clear across the field. Seriously? What the hell is that all about? Obviously these little punks are trying to get him in trouble. Not cool! And it makes me feel like walking around with one of my croquet hammers to supervise the play ground.
So I had a talk with my son. I told Dayton that if anyone hit him, he had full permission to go ahead and smack the little freak shows into next day. If kids are using their words to fight, he is NOT allowed to get physical, but he could use his own words to fight back. Never, ever strike at someone unless they strike first. That's the rule. I'm tired of kids picking on him and than Dayton getting in trouble for it. They want to play this game, then game on. I know my babe can take them on. He may have heard me tell my friend that I didn't raise no 'sissy,' and how Dayton was far from being weak, and maybe it's time these brats got what they deserve.
Anyhow...
Dayton goes to school and gets himself in trouble. The principal comes to get him. Dayton's talking back at him and reaches out to smack him saying: "you're weak, why don't you defend yourself?"
What the... How did he confuse "defend yourself Dayton" for bullying the principal???
I got a call from the school to come and get Dayton early on Monday... Long story short, Dayton had to be physically removed from the computer room as he was threatening to stab his poor educational assistant and his principal with scissors... because he wanted more time on the computer...
It gets better... Yesterday, Dayton snuck a Call of Duty game cover to school... My mother always taught me to kill`em with kindness, but I think in this case I am justified to beat Dayton`s father with a baseball bat. It`s me that gets the notes from school, not him!!! My parenting is questioned, never his!!! He`s making my life a miserable hell by playing these video games with Dayton, and now he`s bringing them to school!!!
So, as you can see, I`ve got my hands full. Just when you think you`ve figured out your child, he throws a curve ball at ya and expects ya to `fetch it.`
Hope all is well with yàll. Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
My little man's been quite the little grand master bully at school, and not bullying kids either, but his principal and educational assistant... And it gets better... It's all my fault.
I've noticed how I've trained the kids at our patio homes to get Dayton in trouble. Trying to avoid conflict between Dayton and the kids and raise some 'understanding,' I've asked the kids to come to me if there are 'issues' with Dayton and their 'play.' You know, be the referee before things get out of hand. Thinking I could prevent meltdowns, embarrassing moments for Dayton, awkward times with kids... Yeah, how about no. That didn't really work out well.
Instead I hear kids screaming at Dayton "no, stop, don't hit me!!!" when I'm sitting on the patio, look up and see Dayton playing by himself, clear across the field. Seriously? What the hell is that all about? Obviously these little punks are trying to get him in trouble. Not cool! And it makes me feel like walking around with one of my croquet hammers to supervise the play ground.
So I had a talk with my son. I told Dayton that if anyone hit him, he had full permission to go ahead and smack the little freak shows into next day. If kids are using their words to fight, he is NOT allowed to get physical, but he could use his own words to fight back. Never, ever strike at someone unless they strike first. That's the rule. I'm tired of kids picking on him and than Dayton getting in trouble for it. They want to play this game, then game on. I know my babe can take them on. He may have heard me tell my friend that I didn't raise no 'sissy,' and how Dayton was far from being weak, and maybe it's time these brats got what they deserve.
Anyhow...
Dayton goes to school and gets himself in trouble. The principal comes to get him. Dayton's talking back at him and reaches out to smack him saying: "you're weak, why don't you defend yourself?"
What the... How did he confuse "defend yourself Dayton" for bullying the principal???
I got a call from the school to come and get Dayton early on Monday... Long story short, Dayton had to be physically removed from the computer room as he was threatening to stab his poor educational assistant and his principal with scissors... because he wanted more time on the computer...
It gets better... Yesterday, Dayton snuck a Call of Duty game cover to school... My mother always taught me to kill`em with kindness, but I think in this case I am justified to beat Dayton`s father with a baseball bat. It`s me that gets the notes from school, not him!!! My parenting is questioned, never his!!! He`s making my life a miserable hell by playing these video games with Dayton, and now he`s bringing them to school!!!
So, as you can see, I`ve got my hands full. Just when you think you`ve figured out your child, he throws a curve ball at ya and expects ya to `fetch it.`
Hope all is well with yàll. Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Saturday, 19 May 2012
Urgently Needing To Contact Informant!!!!
Someone Facebook messaged me about staff talking inappropriately about my son and I at Dayton's school, and I just read the message this morning. I'm fuming and need to find you for more information. I definitely need to deal with this, not just for my son, but for the sake of all children attending this school, so please contact me!!!! If what you've mentioned is true in your messages to me, the school is gonna get the full wrath of Lou.
The messages in question were dated on Feb 13 and Mar 5th. I didn't receive them until yesterday as I didn't realize there are TWO places for messages on facebook.
As always, consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
The messages in question were dated on Feb 13 and Mar 5th. I didn't receive them until yesterday as I didn't realize there are TWO places for messages on facebook.
As always, consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Thursday, 17 May 2012
A New Member For Team Dayton!
So, my respite worker quit. She was great, but needed more hours, and I can appreciate that.
So, I went to the Autism Winnipeg Facebook page to see if anyone knew of anyone that would be interested in helping me out for some extra cash. And lo and behold... an angel heard my prayer.
Lisa responded to my post within minutes. I saw her green hair and thought 'wow, spunky little thing isn't she?' This is exactly the kind of person I need for Dayton, someone with spunk and not shy. Dayton eats shy for breakfast, and is never quite full, kind of like chinese food. Within an hour, he's hungry again, and I pity the shy one working with him.
The day before our interview, Lisa text messages me explaining that her hair is now blue, and that she is willing to change her hair color if I think Dayton would freak out. Awwww... what a sweetie! My immediate response was NO WAY! Dayton's wanted to die his hair blue, but because he's still in elementary school, I won't do it. The kid's got enough problems with his teachers, let's not add more fuel to the fire. But summer is coming, and I'll let him so what he wants with his hair. Maybe Lisa can help me with that. I have no idea how to get the bright shade of blue her hair is now, and to be honest, while I may be conservative, it kind of looks cool!
The best part about this new respite worker is... wait for it... drum roll please... Lisa has Asperger's. How blessed am I? My babe is going to have someone looking after him that understands the way he thinks, that could affectively help him with some coping strategies, someone who truly 'gets him.'
I've been thinking about PACE, and how to make it encompass more for our kids. One of my thoughts on the morning of meeting Lisa for the first time was to find successful young adults on the autism spectrum to mentor our young ones. Lisa totally fits this criteria. She works at Canadian Tire, and writes THREE blogs: http://vibrant-oxymoron.blogspot.ca/, http://yeht.blogspot.ca/ and http://bitterambiguity.blogspot.ca/. Just writing one blog can be tiring, I can't imagine having three!!!
Take a look at her reference letter:
"Notes:
I have not officially been "employed" to care for a person with autism, however my sister was diagnosed at a young age. I have lived my life assisting with her upbringing and continue to care for her when it comes to the self injurious behaviour and melt downs that she has exhibited from a very young age. She also processes feelings differently, such as temperature or pain. I am quite familiar with several people on the autism spectrum, and have great insight when it comes to the way that the autistic mind works. Needless to say, no two people with autism perceive the world in an identical way - for the most part, however, I have found that the key is simple logic, and explanations which are delivered in such a way that the connotation of the words cannot be mistaken. It is often I who am called upon to deal with a particular customer at the place in which I work, who has no conception of monetary value, and whom people believe acts "strangely." When I noticed him initially, I could tell that he was distressed when attempting to communicate with the cashier. After the cashier too became distressed - after attempting to explain to him that he could not afford his item, and him not quite understanding what she was trying to convey - I approached him and explained the situation to him, in a way that he promptly understood. I later explained to her and the other cashiers the reason for his atypical movements and speech patterns, as well how to deal with him in a more effective manner if he were to come through their till. I have since served him many times, and we get along notoriously.
Although I am uncertain as to the relevance of this fact, it may also interest you to know that I have been diagnosed with Aspergers. Throughout the past six or seven years, however, I have developed a familiarity, if not understanding, of social conventions and behaviours. I have been told that it is very difficult at times to tell that I have Aspergers at all, which is wonderful to hear as I have worked very hard to appear - as society generally views it - "normal." But I digress - I believe that this gives me a unique awareness when it comes to working with those with autism - that, as well as my intensive research into autism spectrum disorders and the implications.
I have also read through the entirety of your blog twice in an attempt to familiarise myself with Dayton and yourself before our meeting. He seems like a wonderful child! I would like to add that I am quite familiar with echolalia (and stubborness) as well, and it has never bothered me in the slightest. I have an abundance of patience. It may also interest you to know that I am a devoted Christian as well.
I derive great joy from working with children in general, and sincerely hope that you will find me sufficient when it comes to caring for Dayton."
I didn't bother calling her reference. I think she's more than qualified.
Lisa, if you're reading this, I am thrilled to have you be a part of our lives. I pray you remain in our lives for a very, very long time.
I'm really feeling good about this.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
So, I went to the Autism Winnipeg Facebook page to see if anyone knew of anyone that would be interested in helping me out for some extra cash. And lo and behold... an angel heard my prayer.
Lisa responded to my post within minutes. I saw her green hair and thought 'wow, spunky little thing isn't she?' This is exactly the kind of person I need for Dayton, someone with spunk and not shy. Dayton eats shy for breakfast, and is never quite full, kind of like chinese food. Within an hour, he's hungry again, and I pity the shy one working with him.
The day before our interview, Lisa text messages me explaining that her hair is now blue, and that she is willing to change her hair color if I think Dayton would freak out. Awwww... what a sweetie! My immediate response was NO WAY! Dayton's wanted to die his hair blue, but because he's still in elementary school, I won't do it. The kid's got enough problems with his teachers, let's not add more fuel to the fire. But summer is coming, and I'll let him so what he wants with his hair. Maybe Lisa can help me with that. I have no idea how to get the bright shade of blue her hair is now, and to be honest, while I may be conservative, it kind of looks cool!
The best part about this new respite worker is... wait for it... drum roll please... Lisa has Asperger's. How blessed am I? My babe is going to have someone looking after him that understands the way he thinks, that could affectively help him with some coping strategies, someone who truly 'gets him.'
I've been thinking about PACE, and how to make it encompass more for our kids. One of my thoughts on the morning of meeting Lisa for the first time was to find successful young adults on the autism spectrum to mentor our young ones. Lisa totally fits this criteria. She works at Canadian Tire, and writes THREE blogs: http://vibrant-oxymoron.blogspot.ca/, http://yeht.blogspot.ca/ and http://bitterambiguity.blogspot.ca/. Just writing one blog can be tiring, I can't imagine having three!!!
Take a look at her reference letter:
"Notes:
I have not officially been "employed" to care for a person with autism, however my sister was diagnosed at a young age. I have lived my life assisting with her upbringing and continue to care for her when it comes to the self injurious behaviour and melt downs that she has exhibited from a very young age. She also processes feelings differently, such as temperature or pain. I am quite familiar with several people on the autism spectrum, and have great insight when it comes to the way that the autistic mind works. Needless to say, no two people with autism perceive the world in an identical way - for the most part, however, I have found that the key is simple logic, and explanations which are delivered in such a way that the connotation of the words cannot be mistaken. It is often I who am called upon to deal with a particular customer at the place in which I work, who has no conception of monetary value, and whom people believe acts "strangely." When I noticed him initially, I could tell that he was distressed when attempting to communicate with the cashier. After the cashier too became distressed - after attempting to explain to him that he could not afford his item, and him not quite understanding what she was trying to convey - I approached him and explained the situation to him, in a way that he promptly understood. I later explained to her and the other cashiers the reason for his atypical movements and speech patterns, as well how to deal with him in a more effective manner if he were to come through their till. I have since served him many times, and we get along notoriously.
Although I am uncertain as to the relevance of this fact, it may also interest you to know that I have been diagnosed with Aspergers. Throughout the past six or seven years, however, I have developed a familiarity, if not understanding, of social conventions and behaviours. I have been told that it is very difficult at times to tell that I have Aspergers at all, which is wonderful to hear as I have worked very hard to appear - as society generally views it - "normal." But I digress - I believe that this gives me a unique awareness when it comes to working with those with autism - that, as well as my intensive research into autism spectrum disorders and the implications.
I have also read through the entirety of your blog twice in an attempt to familiarise myself with Dayton and yourself before our meeting. He seems like a wonderful child! I would like to add that I am quite familiar with echolalia (and stubborness) as well, and it has never bothered me in the slightest. I have an abundance of patience. It may also interest you to know that I am a devoted Christian as well.
I derive great joy from working with children in general, and sincerely hope that you will find me sufficient when it comes to caring for Dayton."
I didn't bother calling her reference. I think she's more than qualified.
Lisa, if you're reading this, I am thrilled to have you be a part of our lives. I pray you remain in our lives for a very, very long time.
I'm really feeling good about this.
Consider yourselves hugged,
Lou
Friday, 11 May 2012
A Day And A Bit In His Shoes
Five children, three of which are on the autism spectrum. I only had to watch the two little ones, they're four years old, and they're the ones NOT on the spectrum. And of course Dayton. I had the help of the eldest daughter, 17, with Asperger's, a high functioning type of autism.
I survived. I done good, the house didn't burn down and the kids were safe. I lost my keys a few times, Dayton found my cell phone for me every time it rang as I continually "misplaced" it, I downed a lot of cough syrup, tried to help out with chores around the house and somehow managed to get the little ones to take their naps without passing out myself. I changed a dirty diaper without vomiting even a little bit (dry heaving doesn't count, right?), and managed to feed the kids all at the same time. By the time SuperDad came home, I wondered how on earth he could manage five kids on his own... I only had three and his oldest, OK, so really, I had four, but still! I only had them for the afternoon... and I was calling Mayday!
How does he keep the laundry straight? How does he know which piece of clothing belongs to whom? I had a hard time figuring that one out, so when he got home, he had some sorting to do. So much for trying to help. Pants I figured were the boy's were actually his middle daughters. As a woman, you'd think I'd know the difference between girl's and boy's clothing, right? Ummm, how about no... Never mind the boy is four and the daughter in question is eleven...
There's one bathroom in the house and he's potty training two toddlers. They both had to go at the same time. How does he determine which one is the urgent one? They both looked real uncomfortable to me.
Both need to be bathed at the same time too, and neither one wants to go first. How does he handle that? And God forbid one goes to bed before the other. How is he able to be in both bedrooms at the same time?
I don't think I've ever been as happy to see a man walk through the door as I was to see SuperDad come home to the rescue with a bag of KFC in his arms. He was like a knight in shining armor. I don't care much for KFC, especially now that I'm trying to keep my girlish figure, but I wasn't gonna complain, nope, not I.
But at the end of the day, even when off duty due to my rescue, I couldn't stop. I hand fed the little girl, even though I really shouldn't have. She's old enough to eat on her own, and I know she totally took advantage of me and had me wrapped around her little finger. I tidied up her bed before tucking her in for the night. She wrapped her little arms around me and bid me good night. The little guy may not have shown me much affection at bed time, but made sure to strut his stuff for me after his bath.
Worn out and tired, wondering how I was going to drive myself home, I didn't want to leave. Those kids are awesome. Thank goodness I was taking one of them home with me. My babe. Dayton. He took his job of helping me watch the kids very seriously, and had my back the whole time. And SuperDad... He's pretty awesome too. I mean, he's SuperDad!
So, I've cracked SuperDad's super human power. I figured out how he handles five kids all on his own. I no longer have to wonder how he's able to manage. It's called unconditional love. I've heard of this strange phenomenon, and have that with my son, and now I've seen it between a father and his kids. And I got a little of that magical stuff myself from these awesome kids. But I must warn you. Don't try this at home alone. It is highly addicting, and very confusing. One minute they love you, love you, love you, and the next, well, let's just say I thought I was growing horns and could have sworn I had a tail. Even so, I know they care about me. They may say no, but their little arms wrapped around me and the screams for 'Lou' tell me another thing all together.
SuperDad's life is super busy with the five kids and exhausting by the end of the day, but what I'd give to have all that love... I no longer feel 'sorry' for him. I envy him. He is wealthy beyond our wildest dreams. And once a week, I get to be selfish and share a few moments of this wonderful phenomenon. God is good.
Wishing I could do a better job of verbally expressing these hugs to all of you,
Lou
I survived. I done good, the house didn't burn down and the kids were safe. I lost my keys a few times, Dayton found my cell phone for me every time it rang as I continually "misplaced" it, I downed a lot of cough syrup, tried to help out with chores around the house and somehow managed to get the little ones to take their naps without passing out myself. I changed a dirty diaper without vomiting even a little bit (dry heaving doesn't count, right?), and managed to feed the kids all at the same time. By the time SuperDad came home, I wondered how on earth he could manage five kids on his own... I only had three and his oldest, OK, so really, I had four, but still! I only had them for the afternoon... and I was calling Mayday!
How does he keep the laundry straight? How does he know which piece of clothing belongs to whom? I had a hard time figuring that one out, so when he got home, he had some sorting to do. So much for trying to help. Pants I figured were the boy's were actually his middle daughters. As a woman, you'd think I'd know the difference between girl's and boy's clothing, right? Ummm, how about no... Never mind the boy is four and the daughter in question is eleven...
There's one bathroom in the house and he's potty training two toddlers. They both had to go at the same time. How does he determine which one is the urgent one? They both looked real uncomfortable to me.
Both need to be bathed at the same time too, and neither one wants to go first. How does he handle that? And God forbid one goes to bed before the other. How is he able to be in both bedrooms at the same time?
I don't think I've ever been as happy to see a man walk through the door as I was to see SuperDad come home to the rescue with a bag of KFC in his arms. He was like a knight in shining armor. I don't care much for KFC, especially now that I'm trying to keep my girlish figure, but I wasn't gonna complain, nope, not I.
But at the end of the day, even when off duty due to my rescue, I couldn't stop. I hand fed the little girl, even though I really shouldn't have. She's old enough to eat on her own, and I know she totally took advantage of me and had me wrapped around her little finger. I tidied up her bed before tucking her in for the night. She wrapped her little arms around me and bid me good night. The little guy may not have shown me much affection at bed time, but made sure to strut his stuff for me after his bath.
Worn out and tired, wondering how I was going to drive myself home, I didn't want to leave. Those kids are awesome. Thank goodness I was taking one of them home with me. My babe. Dayton. He took his job of helping me watch the kids very seriously, and had my back the whole time. And SuperDad... He's pretty awesome too. I mean, he's SuperDad!
So, I've cracked SuperDad's super human power. I figured out how he handles five kids all on his own. I no longer have to wonder how he's able to manage. It's called unconditional love. I've heard of this strange phenomenon, and have that with my son, and now I've seen it between a father and his kids. And I got a little of that magical stuff myself from these awesome kids. But I must warn you. Don't try this at home alone. It is highly addicting, and very confusing. One minute they love you, love you, love you, and the next, well, let's just say I thought I was growing horns and could have sworn I had a tail. Even so, I know they care about me. They may say no, but their little arms wrapped around me and the screams for 'Lou' tell me another thing all together.
SuperDad's life is super busy with the five kids and exhausting by the end of the day, but what I'd give to have all that love... I no longer feel 'sorry' for him. I envy him. He is wealthy beyond our wildest dreams. And once a week, I get to be selfish and share a few moments of this wonderful phenomenon. God is good.
Wishing I could do a better job of verbally expressing these hugs to all of you,
Lou
Friday, 4 May 2012
In My Dreams
I remember a time, before Dayton's birth when I dreamt of what "family" for me would look like. I envisioned a football team of children in my home, a doting husband and father, proud of his clan, a big dog who would teach my little ones how to walk and there was the white picket fence too... and a garden, and, and, and I didn't lose my figure after pumping out that football team... Silly, naive girl...
I honestly thought marriage would make a lady out of me, my husband, well... He would be a true gentleman, opening doors for me and showering me with his undying love and attention. He would be my knight in shining armour and protect me from any nightmare. I thought having children would complete us, and we would be ever so happy.
Turns out the knight in shining armour is just a man wrapped in tin foil, and children, while lovely, can cause arguments in a marriage. Some arguments can not be patched up. Especially when one parent is continually (all right, obsessively) learning about autism, trying to help their child in whatever means they can, coming to his defence even when not necessary, while the other one sits in denial. Perhaps not in denial, but definitely not on board of education about autism.
I never once thought about the possibility of autism entering my life. Rain Man's main character Raymond Babbitt, played by Dustin Hoffman, represented autism, and all autistic people. A spectrum? I figured people were talking about the colours of the rainbow, or Centrum Vitamins.
So here I am, wondering how on earth I got here. How did my life fall so far away from the dream I had envisioned?
I blame television. That and Walt Disney. Snow White. Cinderella. The person who T-boned me less then a month ago. Anyone but myself. Because let's face it. I bear no responsibility, do I?
In today's world, we all blame others for things gone wrong in our lives, yet not once do we look at where the fault may lie within ourselves. I was young, foolish, and naive. I believed life was a fairy tale. I thought the world was beautiful.
Then I grew up.
Believe it or not, we have a choice in how we live our lives. It's our responsibility. We can sit there and blame autism for our unhappiness or we can use autism as our strength. I've chosen to look at it as a strength a long time ago, but there are still others out there who feel sorry for themselves... What a pity.
I look at my son, and think how different my life is. How full it is of love, compassion and did I mention love?
I love my babe. He's everything to me.
And I love my friends. They are my family. But there's one friend in particular I couldn't live without, and that is my...
Maybe I'll just keep you guessing. I know, how frustrating.
Consider yourselves hugged, and loved,
Lou
I honestly thought marriage would make a lady out of me, my husband, well... He would be a true gentleman, opening doors for me and showering me with his undying love and attention. He would be my knight in shining armour and protect me from any nightmare. I thought having children would complete us, and we would be ever so happy.
Turns out the knight in shining armour is just a man wrapped in tin foil, and children, while lovely, can cause arguments in a marriage. Some arguments can not be patched up. Especially when one parent is continually (all right, obsessively) learning about autism, trying to help their child in whatever means they can, coming to his defence even when not necessary, while the other one sits in denial. Perhaps not in denial, but definitely not on board of education about autism.
I never once thought about the possibility of autism entering my life. Rain Man's main character Raymond Babbitt, played by Dustin Hoffman, represented autism, and all autistic people. A spectrum? I figured people were talking about the colours of the rainbow, or Centrum Vitamins.
So here I am, wondering how on earth I got here. How did my life fall so far away from the dream I had envisioned?
I blame television. That and Walt Disney. Snow White. Cinderella. The person who T-boned me less then a month ago. Anyone but myself. Because let's face it. I bear no responsibility, do I?
In today's world, we all blame others for things gone wrong in our lives, yet not once do we look at where the fault may lie within ourselves. I was young, foolish, and naive. I believed life was a fairy tale. I thought the world was beautiful.
Then I grew up.
Believe it or not, we have a choice in how we live our lives. It's our responsibility. We can sit there and blame autism for our unhappiness or we can use autism as our strength. I've chosen to look at it as a strength a long time ago, but there are still others out there who feel sorry for themselves... What a pity.
I look at my son, and think how different my life is. How full it is of love, compassion and did I mention love?
I love my babe. He's everything to me.
And I love my friends. They are my family. But there's one friend in particular I couldn't live without, and that is my...
Maybe I'll just keep you guessing. I know, how frustrating.
Consider yourselves hugged, and loved,
Lou
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)